Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year to All

There was good news today from my friend, the Queen Lady (Elizabeth II). She is now a great grandmother. Of course, I know it is only 1 human puppy, but it is still good news for her. My friend, Holly, a German Shepherd in New Zealand, had 5 sons earlier this month. Human puppies are not as advanced as dog puppies so it is a real handful to have more than one of them. Did you know that human puppies can't even take care of themselves until they are 2 or 3? I know many dogs who already have jobs and have moved away from home before they are even 1 year old. I know the humans are inferior to us dogs, but I have yet to decide if it is a matter of them really being slow or if the humans just spoil their human puppies too much. Most of them don't even start walking until they are about a year old. The not walking until 1 sounds like maybe the human puppies might be lazy. Anyway, it is good news for the Queen Lady. I just hope that it doesn't interfere with her coming here to mow my yard. I have been looking forward to her visit, and I know how nice it would be for her to earn a few extra euros, what with the household cutbacks she has had to institute due to the economy.

Today is the last day of 2010. As I reminded my readers yesterday, be sure and enjoy those bad habits that you plan to make resolutions about today before the resolutions go into effect. I'm sure many of you are wondering about my plans for New Year's Eve. Being the world famous celebrity dog that I am, I could go to any number of parties, but I plan to stay home with my humans. I thought about hopping a private jet to a colder spot like Alaska, but even if there hasn't been as much snow as a dog can hope for, it is nice to spend time at home. As Toto's human on the movie, The Wizard of Oz, finally realized at the end of the movie--"there is no place like home". Humans take a long time to realize the most simple facts. Personally, I would have wondered about the reality of Oz as soon as I saw a bunch of Munchkins and a crazy witch. The flying monkeys are okay. They have their own airline called TransWorldApe Airlines. They are the planes with the monkey painted on the side. I wonder if they would let a dog fly with them if the dog has enough bananas to pay them for the ticket.

I wish everyone a happy new year, and don't party so much tonight that you get into trouble. Trouble is not a good way to start out a new year!

Demon Flash Bandit (Commenting on Last Day of 2010)

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Enjoy the Last of 2010

Since tomorrow is the last day of 2010, that means that many of the humans will be making New Year's resolutions that will involve them giving up some of their bad habits. This means that today and tomorrow are the last days to enjoy those bad habits before the big day of giving them up so I suggest that you enjoy today and tomorrow. Of course, for most of the humans, the "good behavior" will last about a day and a half, but that can be a very long 36 hours. I haven 't met any dogs who worry about such silly things. Perhaps it is because we are perfect so there is no room for improvement except of course, for getting a better education. This is why I am pursuing a college degree in napping.

Some areas of the United States are digging out of major blizzards which missed our area, and only gave us a couple of inches of the delightful snow which we sled dogs love so much. Sure, my humans are pleased, but they are stupid and don't like snow. I guess it is about time for me to have another chat with Mother Nature. I've had to have chats with her before, and I have come to the conclusion that Mother Nature isn't very intelligent because she isn't listening to this dog. I should not have to waste my time having further meetings with her.

I have to go now. I have an essay to write for Napping 102. College sure keeps a dog busy!

Demon Flash Bandit (Enjoy the Last of 2010)

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Why Does a Dog Have to Get up so Early?

The human woke me to write this blog, and I'm not even sure if the sun is out yet. Does she realize it is only 12:30 pm? No wonder I need naps throughout the day when I'm awakened so early to write my blog. Do the humans have nothing better to do than wake a dog? Next they will be expecting a husky to pull a human around in a sled. Don't the humans here realize this dog has better things to do? I have decided to get a college degree in napping so I am trying to do my homework! You would think they would appreciate a dog trying to improve himself.

Speaking of improvement, my human was watching the first season of Caprica. If you ask my opinion, the show might not have been cancelled if they had been "inventing" a robot dog instead of a robot "human". How do they expect to get the audience to watch if there aren't enough dogs on the show. I do applaud them having a dog on the show, but the dog should have been the star instead of having such a small part.

I spent some time yesterday admiring my tail, which happens to be lovely. We huskies do have pretty tails. I bet the humans are jealous that they don't have tails like us dogs. I better stop mentioning it since, if there are humans reading this, I would hate to make them feel bad about not having a tail.

Now that I have written some stuff, I can get back to my nap. Pleasant dreams everyone.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Enjoys a Good Nap)

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Demon Flash Bandit With Kung Fu Grip

There was no blog yesterday because my human took the day off-without my permission. I don't know why the humans get some of these weird ideas in their heads about getting days off when a dog has not authorized an off day. I should start paying my human so I can fire her, but on the other paw, then who would type my blog? When I get money, I buy dingo bones and Burger King. I don't want to pay for typing.

My humans went to see a movie yesterday. They saw True Grit. There used to be a newspaper named Grit which is now a magazine. It has been in print for a long time so I bet it is about its early years because I noticed in its trailer that the humans were dressed in very old fashioned clothing which made it look like a western. My humans said it is an excellent movie. Mommy said it is better than the original movie, which starred John Wayne. John Wayne was a very popular actor in the past, but this dog has noticed that he always played the same basic character so, realistically, he probably was not a great actor, but he was smart enough to pick roles that suited him.

The humans ate at Cracker Barrel, and Mommy had chicken and dumplings. Angel, who happens to love chicken told me she knew what they had for dinner because she could smell the chicken on their breath. She was not pleased that the humans had chicken, and they didn't bring home a dinner for her. I told her that it was okay because the chicken is the important thing--we dogs can live without the stupid vegetables.

Jeff bought an Avatar action figure, and I took off with it. I don't usually care about Jeff's toys, but this one was interesting. I did not want to give it up. Jeff is 25 years old and I am 7 years old so I fail to see why he should want a toy when a dog of my age doesn't get it. I think I have outgrown the plush squeaky puppy toys and I'm ready to play with big dog toys. I think Mommy is going to buy me one the next time she goes to the store which I hope is soon. I told her that I would like a GI Husky action figure with kung fu grip. It would be cool to have a dog who can beat up annoying humans with one paw. The next time I read about a dog who has been abused, I could use my action figure's kung fu grip to go after the offending human. It would be nice to go after Michael Vick. He deserves to be smacked with a kung fu grip after the dog fighting in which he was involved.

I hope that I will get to see True Grit soon. Why should a dog always have to wait for the blu rays and dvd release?

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants Kung Fu Grip)

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Visiting With my Pal

Parts of the country are getting lots of snow, but we didn't get that much around here. I think Mother Nature is trying to annoy us huskies again. However, I am glad the roads weren't bad here because today I got a visit from one of my dog pals, Riley, from Riley brought his human along because you know how the humans feel left out when a dog doesn't bring them. If only the humans remembered how we include them when we go out, we wouldn't be left behind when they go places. Riley brought me 2 double whoppers. I might add that it was very nice of him. When it comes to BK, if I were Riley, I might have eaten another dogs gift before I arrived at their house. What they don't know won't hurt them.

I have been enjoying the giant rawhide bone that I got for Christmas. I have also been doing some napping. Mommy was watching the first season of The Big Bang Theory, and Howard was talking to Penny, and he said, "See a Penny, pick her up, all the day you'll have good luck." Just so the humans don't get any ideas, I said, "see a demon, pick him up, all your life you'll be missing a finger". I don't think the humans think it is as funny as I did, but I laughed my tail off over that one. Wait a minute--the tail is still there. I suppose I didn't laugh it off, but I came close.

I hope all the dogs reading this will have a great week.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Enjoys Seeing my Pals)

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Nap!

Merry Christmas to all my readers!!!!! My Christmas was wonderful. The only bad thing about this blog is that it is taking me away from the treats I found for me under the tree. Angel Zoom Smokey's human Grandma sent Angel and me lots of gifts. I have already eaten the dingo bone and the tasty cinnamon apple bone. Those folks at dingo know what a dog loves! I also got lots of cool stuff from Santa Paws and my humans.

The humans are in the holiday spirit here. Jeff has been going through the house singing "Let's Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas This Year". I think it is his favorite Christmas song. The television show, MST3K, which is no longer on the air had a Christmas episode dedicated to the movie, Roadhouse, a movie in which Patrick Swayze starred as a bouncer. Youtube has it, and Jeff has been enjoying watching it. I have to admit, it is a catchy tune. Angel and I plan to surprise him and howl it for him later today.

I had the honor of having my diary chosen as a diary pick on today. Angel Zoom Smokey posted her letter to Santa Paws yesterday, and he did not come through with the $10 million she asked him to bring so if Rudolph knows what is best for him, he will not let Angel Zoom Smokey find him. You would think that Santa Paws would realize that Angel is serious when he wakes up before Christmas with a reindeer's head in his bed. She did warn him that she would start with Rudolph. You would think the big dog would listen!

Personally, I am very pleased with Mr. Santa Paws. I got a lot of cool stuff, but I happen to be easier to please than Angel is. I was born in a barn so I know how good I have it now. Angel has been spoiled since she was a puppy. My humans came and got me when I was about 8 weeks old, but I remember the days in the barn when I was being fed dog food--yes dog food. I don't like to even think about it. Think Burger King....think whopper....that is better.

This is Jesus birthday, and I'm sure he would appreciate it if the humans could learn to get along better with each other. I don't know why this is so difficult for the humans, but it would be a thoughtful gift.

I will end this blog with kind wishes for everyone to have a very merry Christmas and the best of everything in the new year!

Demon Flash Bandit
(Dog Who is Enjoying Christmas!)

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas!!!!!!!

It is Christmas Eve, and this dog is excited about all the cool stuff Santa Paws will bring me tomorrow. I want to take this opportunity to give Santa Paws credit for being a nice guy who gives reindeer a second chance. I know I was touched to find that one of the reindeer, Nixon (sometimes mispronounced Dixon), was allowed to put on the antlers and become one of Santa Paws reindeer when he resigned from his Presidential office. I did hear complaints from the other reindeer about him constantly telling them he is not a crook. Cupid, the little guy who shoots the love arrows at humans got tired of doing that and he put on the antlers also. Don't worry--he got a replacement so that the humans will still fall in love. Donner is part of the Donner party so the other reindeer like to stay out of his way--particularly if he looks hungry. Blitzen used to have a drinking problem, but he has managed to keep it under control since joining Santa Paw's team. It would be nice if I could say the same thing about Rudolph, but you know it isn't true--why else would his nose be so red?

My human brother Jeff is busy talking about the actors that he is planning to cast as reindeer because he is planning to compete with Santa Paws. I'm sure if Johnny Depp was offered a part playing a reindeer, he would take it. He seems to enjoy playing odd characters. I just hope he is warned to stay away from Donner if he is offered such a part.

I only have on thing to add: MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR from Demon Flash Bandit!!!!!!!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Words of Wisdom From Yogi Who is Smarter than the Average Bear

The humans went to see the 3D version of Yogi Bear yesterday. Yogi is a talking bear who lives in Jellystone Park, and he is smarter than the average bear. The mayor of the city near Jellystone has run the city government into bankruptcy, and Jellystone Park is being threatened by loggers. Meanwhile a documentary film director is filming Yogi and Boo Boo because, evidently, talking bears are a rare commodity. The humans said the movie will keep you on the edge of your seats wondering if Jellystone will survive or not. Yogi, who happens to be a bear genius, devises so many clever ways to steal pic-a-nic baskets that Yogi should get a Nobel prize for pic-a-nic basket theft. In fact, Yogi should get a nomination for an Oscar as best actor. Few bears can act as well as Yogi. Boo Boo should get the nod as a supporting actor. Yogi is not only highly intelligent, but he also possesses excellent taste. He points out that one of the things he knows in life is that real mayonnaise tastes better than low fat mayonnaise. Truer words have never been spoken--by human or bear. Jeff was teasing Mommy about how she laughed over that line, and Mommy said that you seldom see bears who make mayonnaise comparisons, and Jeff said you seldom hear bears make comments on anything because most bears don't talk. Jeff should realize that Yogi is not just any ordinary bear. He has been talking for years! This is why he is smarter than the average bear!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Review of Yogi Bear)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Why No Video Games for Dogs?

I read today that David Swhimmer is contesting the R rating of his movie, Cyber Predators. I thought that movie was already out and titled Tron Legacy. My humans went to see the movie, Tron Legacy. In the movie, a couple of humans were trapped in a video game world. The other "people" there seemed to always be attacking them--at least that is what the humans said about the movie. I don't think you can get any better cyber predators than the ones on Tron so why bother?

This brings me to today's subject. Why have there been no video games designed for dogs. I know we don't have thumbs, but that Wii game system allows the humans to do all sorts of things to play the game. I can envision a mushing game where a dog runs so that the dogs on the screen run too. I think that leaving dogs out of the video game market is leaving a vast amount of untapped money that the game manufacturers are missing. Imagine how many dogs would be lined up to buy some of these games. As usual, the humans never seem to want to include us dogs. In some cases, like video games it is their financial loss.

Demon Flash Bandit (Envisioning a Better Future for Dogs)

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Fruits and Vegetables: Innocent Victims

As a dog who feels the need to keep the public informed on important issues, today's subject is one that I feel particularly honored to share with my readers. This is a subject that has been ignored by the mainstream media, and I want my readers to remember--you read it here first by ace reporter, Demon Flash Bandit. I would like to thank Oliver Orange for being my informant on this blog. Oliver is being protected in the Witness Protection Program so I can mention his name and give him credit for his contribution.

One day I met Oliver, and Oliver was very upset. I asked him what happened to upset him so much, and it seems that Oliver's entire family had been robbed. Oliver wasn't a rich orange so I wondered why thieves would pick on him or his family. It was the Vitamin thieves. Yes, you read correctly--there are humans out there who go around stealing vitamins from innocent fruits and vegetables. In the case of Oliver, they were after the vitamin C the family had made for themselves. Now his relatives are walking around like mere shadows of their former selves. They are afraid to go off the tree at night. They are afraid to enjoy their orchard for fear of another theft. The plight of Oliver's family is not an isolated incident. There are vitamin thieves preying on fruit and vegetables everywhere. Recently I interviewed Ben Banana, and he had thieves steal both potassium and vitamin B from him. When he reported it to the police, they filled out a report, and told him that they would probably never find the culprits. I think this vitamin crime spree has gone on long enough and someone needs to form a special branch of the police to go after these villains. I've even got a name for them: Vitaroopers-short for vitamin troopers. I have written Bo Obama, first dog with this plan. I'm sure Obama will understand its importance and act on it quickly.

Demon Flash Bandit (Reporter)

Sunday, December 19, 2010

The Gift of Stupid

Once again, I have searched the Internet for those last minute gift ideas for the hard to buy for person on your list. Today I am writing about a couple of unusual gifts--at least I don't know anyone who owns either of these items. I know that many dogs consider the porcelain thing in the bathroom called a toilet by the humans to be a great watering bowl. Personally, I prefer my own water bowl, but I have been known to use the toilet if my humans have allowed me to run out of water and I happen to be thirsty. Anyway, many dogs complain about the humans using their watering bowl for other purposes. To be fair, some dogs don't complain because they really don't mind. We dogs don't tend to complain that much.

While browsing the Internet, I discovered a wonderful site for gifts, Once again, wonderful gifts that can be purchased from the comfort of your own home. At the aforementioned site, you can purchase a "potty putter" which is a "grass" rug that is shaped for the toilet so that the humans can play golf while they sit on that special chair. At a price of $27.49, this is a true bargain for the golfer on your list. For everyone on your list, there is the toilet mug. Yes, they can put a beverage in the mug and drink out of the toilet. I can't think of any gift that would be better for the humans. When the humans are drinking out of the toilet, they are about as close to being a dog as they can get short of growing fur. The mug is only $16.99 so you can drink like a dog at a very reasonable price. I think I'll put it on my list for Santa Paws. I hope he has enough of them since I think they are going to be a big seller this year.

Demon Flash Bandit (Helping With Christmas Gift Ideas)

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Reminder: Santa Paws is Coming to Town

I was watching the movie made in honor of Angel Zoom Smokey and myself, Angels and Demons. I don't understand why they chose to use humans in the film because humans are clearly inferior to dogs in movies. However, it was directed and produced by humans so I have to assume that they didn't want to work with dogs who are so clearly superior to them in talent and intelligence. Considering the all human cast, it was a good movie. I'm hoping they will remake it with an all dog cast, but you know how prejudiced the humans are in favor of themselves. I can only hope that some day, the bias will end.

It is one week until Christmas so, for the humans reading this, if you haven't gotten your dog's gifts yet, I would suggest you start your shopping. You don't want the pet store to run out of dog toys and treats before you get there. Dogs, don't forget to be extra nice and good because Santa Paws is watching. I'm not saying it isn't an invasion of privacy on his part. However, he is bringing you gifts so it is best not to bring that up when you talk to him. I hope you have written your letters to him, and/or visited him in person. A dog can never be too careful at this time of year---it would be awful not to have some gifts under the tree-and you should have gifts you want!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Review and Reminder: Santa Paws is Coming to Town)

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Special Gifts for that Hard to Buy for Human

Sometimes finding the perfect gift for that special person on your shopping list can be difficult. What about that person on your list that you really don't want to buy for or even see again? However, it is a relative so you feel you can't just drop them from your list-or your life. Perhaps you want to show just how much you love them by giving them something you have yourself--like the flu. I'm sure you may be asking, how do you get the message across particularly if you have to mail the gift and won't see them during the holidays? Rest assured, Demon Flash Bandit has searched the Internet to find the perfect gift, and you can order it online from the comfort of your computer. That gift is the gift of a plush microbe. Go to and you can order the gift that will show that special person on your list just what you think of them. Give them Ebola, typhoid fever, or whatever you find interesting.

Sure, it is a fun gift for those who you would like to send the actual disease to, but I'm sure there are some people who would love to get some of these items because they would find them "interesting". Yes, some humans love educational things that the rest of us find boring. If you happen to like that type of person, and they are on your list too, it would make a nice gift for them. However, do not miss the satisfaction of giving them to the ones who aren't into such things and you don't like--even if just for the personal satisfaction of giving them something stupid.

I might add that these items are not only featured as plush items, but you can also buy Christmas ornaments, vinyl "figures", and other merchandise featuring the microbes--like coffee mugs and ties. Yes, you can find the perfect gift for anyone on your list if you search the Internet, and your pal, Demon Flash Bandit is here to help. Happy Shopping!

Demon Flash Bandit (Shopper)

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Movie Review: Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader

My secretary, the human, didn't think staying home and taking my dictation for my post yesterday was important and she headed to the theatre to see a movie. It would have been nice if I could have went with her, but dogs aren't allowed. I won't say anymore about it because it begins to sound like a broken record. I'm not old enough to remember records except that there are still a bunch of them in the basement collecting dust, but I'm told that they would occasionally skip and start repeating the same phrase. I guess the humans felt they could come up with something better so they invented live music. Of course, a dog had to invent cds. Who do you think invented records. You don't really think the humans have that kind of intelligence, do you?

Anyway, I asked my secretary about the movie and I am going to give a movie review judging from what she said. The movie is The Chronicles of Narnia:The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. There are these 2 children who have been to a place called Narnia before. Narnia is supposed to be an "imaginary" place that is real. This time they take their cousin with them. There is a voyage, sword play, a talking bull, and a talking mouse who is a master of swordsmanship. My secretary said it is a good movie. I asked if they showed the kids smoking something before they entered Narnia.

My secretary said the theatre had a commercial for Kia before the movie. It was the classic one with the rapping hamsters. I think Kia should just stick with the hamsters and forget about the cars. Considering that in the commercial, the toaster is bigger than the car, I'm assuming that Kia stands for Kan't Include Actual Humans. I don't know of any humans who can fit into a toaster and ride around comfortably. Those rapping hamsters are quite talented, and I would buy their cd if they made one. Sometimes companies should go with their strengths.

This dog should go into movie making. I think I would make a tremendous star....move over Johnny Depp....its Demon Flash Bandit.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reviewer and Potential Star)

Sunday, December 12, 2010

My Christmas Photo

Today I am going to post a photo of my stunt double, Phantom Fast Snowman in his Christmas hat. This "hat" was meant for me, but I didn't choose to wear it so it was time to call in my stunt double, Phantom. I might add that having a stunt double is wonderful for situations like this in which I really don't want to be bothered wearing a hat-which is most of the time. Mommy thought a photo of Angel Zoom Smokey and myself getting into the "Christmas spirit" would make a good blog photo. As usual, we didn't agree. If she wants us to get into the Christmas spirit, she should put our presents under the tree early. She waits until Christmas Eve because we have a talent for sniffing out our gifts early. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the photo of myself (Phantom), and Merry Christmas to my readers.
Mommy went shopping yesterday and came home with an artificial pathetic Christmas tree as seen in the television Christmas special, A Charlie Brown Christmas. That tree is not worthy of me bothering to lift my leg to pee on it. I'm glad we have an 8 foot tree that is the actual Christmas tree. Phantom said he wouldn't want to have his photo made next to that tree, and Phantom, being a stuffed dog, does not usually have very high standards about such things.
Anyway, I hope my readers are getting ready for the Christmas season. I know Angel Zoom Smokey and myself are looking forward to all the things we have asked Santa Paws for, and Angel said this year he had better deliver. It turns out that he didn't bring her the millions of dollars in merchandise she requested for the last couple of years, and I think he is going to get a puppy slap of justice if she runs into him. Santa Paws, you'd better watch out....Angel Zoom Smokey is ready to give you a puppy slap of justice.

Demon Flash Bandit (It is Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas)

Royal Wedding Invitation

I notice that my secretary did not delete the first paragraph of my blog yesterday as she was instructed by me. This is not the first time my secretary (obviously of the human persuasion) has not followed my orders. If she did not work free, I would fire her, and hire someone more dependable and obedient.

As many of my regular readers are already aware, I have been sharing correspondence with the Queen Lady (the Queen of England) ever since she came to New York City, and the Daily Show announced that she was having to cut back on household expenses. I felt bad for her so I offered her a job mowing my yard, an offer which she was happy to receive. However, family obligations have kept her from fulfilling her dream of mowing my yard. When Prince William announced the royal engagement, I assumed that this would be another year when the Queen Lady would have family obligations standing in the way of her lawn mowing dream. However, I received this letter yesterday, and I want to share it with my readers.

Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
How is my good pal doing? I hope this letter finds you in good health and enjoying some wonderful snow. I know you have heard about my grandson's upcoming wedding, and I want you to know that the date is set for April 29, 2011. This will give me the summer free to come by your house, meet you, and mow your yard. I have been anxious to meet you ever since we first started corresponding. I hope that you will be able to give me some practical advice for dealing with some of the political problems we have here while I am there because your dog advice is so valuable. I know your advice is highly sought after by world leaders so I hope you will have time to oblige me with this request. I'm so glad that someone of your dog intelligence and gift for diplomacy is available to help world leaders solve problems. If only all of them listened to your wisdom, the world would be a better place.

It is my wish that you can attend the wedding. I know you are a busy dog, but having you come to the wedding is all the kids can talk about. Last night at dinner, both William and Kate were asking me if I had heard from Demon Flash Bandit and was he available to attend their wedding. It would be such an honor if you grace us with your presence.

I am so pleased to count you as a friend, and I hope you won't think I'm bragging too much when I tell people that Demon Flash Bandit and myself are close pals.

Love, Queen Lady Elizabeth

I was touched by this letter. I get a lot of letters from celebrities, but I always enjoy hearing from her Majesty, the Queen Lady. It would be nice to attend the wedding, but this dog refuses to wear a tuxedo so if that is required, I won't be attending. I have standards.

Demon Flash Bandit (Corresponding with Her Majesty, The Queen Lady)

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Mel Gibson's New Movie: The Beaver

Mel Gibson is making a new movie called, The Beaver. I am wondering who is going to play the rest of the Cleaver family. If you ask this dog, it is about time Hollywood does a remake of the "Leave it to Beaver" television show. Mel will play the beaver. This is going to require some serious acting on his part since playing a child won't be easy for him. I wonder who is going to be cast as his family. Perhaps Wally could be played by Sean Connery. I think he could do a good job pulling off the nice big brother role. I can envision Jack Nicholson as Ward Cleaver, which would make it a bit more interesting particularly if they make dad a bit crazy. Jack can play crazy very well. Perhaps Jennifer Aniston would make a good mom. Great, my typist has just informed me that it isn't based on Leave it to Beaver at all. What a waste of my time! She could have mentioned it earlier. Secretary, be sure and delete all that I have written thus far and I will start again. A dog doesn't want to appear silly. This time I will check the facts on the Internet before I write anymore.

Mel Gibson is in a movie called The Beaver. This is not a remake of the television show, Leave it to Beaver-although that is what any intelligent person would assume. The movie is about a crazy guy who puts a beaver puppet on his hand and uses the beaver to communicate with everyone. I think this is a great role for Mel because I think he can pull off a crazy man very well. I don't even think it will require a serious amount of acting on his part. I do wonder if they used the "beaver" for a reason. They could have easily used a rabbit or raccoon, but I suspect they used a beaver to get more laughs. A dog would think the humans have more than one meaning for the word, beaver.

I do have to mention that all the money spent making this new movie could be better spent on a new dog movie, but you know how stupid the humans are when spending money.

I hope that everyone is having a nice weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Upcoming Movies)

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Lifestyles of the Rich and Furry

I'm sure at least one television network executive is going to be super happy that he heard from me today. I sent my idea for a new television show to the television networks. The show is called, Lifestyles of the Rich and Furry. Everyone sees how normal dogs live, but how many know how the rich ones live? This television show takes you into their world. From overly elaborate mansion doghouses, diamond filled collars, and Burger King restaurants inside their homes (at no charge to the dogs who visit of course). I'm sure some of you, like myself are wondering, "is there anything that can be better than free BK for life? The answer to that is "of course, there are few things on Earth better than free Burger King burgers". I'm sure everyone would love to watch how all the celebrity dogs live. The shows can feature movie dogs, television dogs, dogs who "belong" to celebrities (at least that is how the humans view it--we know that the human belongs to the dog), and dogs who have been left vast fortunes by their humans. This is a category I will never be in because my stupid humans are not rich. Yeah, hard to believe isn't it? A dog of my obvious intelligence and pedigree having humans who aren't rich!! I wonder how that happened myself, but I have to admit, I do love my humans. I know they love me so I guess that is enough. Although a few million in a dog's bank account would not hurt any. Anyway, I think this program would be interesting to watch, and it would certainly be better than most of the programs the humans put on television. I think television viewing would be better if a dog were in charge of programming.

Demon Flash Bandit (Idea Dog)

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Dogs Not Allowed In Rental Car--Injustice to Dogs

Today's blog will feature yet another case of dog discrimination by the humans. Mommy's mini van is at the Ford dealer for a recall problem, and while it is there, Ford is providing Mommy with a rental mini van from Enterprise. Mommy likes the car that is provided. I can't give you my opinion of the car because dogs aren't allowed to ride in Enterprise Rental cars. I am thinking of hiring a doggy lawyer to represent Angel Zoom Smokey and myself in a lawsuit against Enterprise. This brings me to another problem---the yellow pages does not have any ads for lawyers who happen to be of the dog persuasion. No wonder the humans treat us like second class citizens. We have no representation. It is about time us dogs make our barks heard. When the legislators were working on a health care plan, it was only for humans. Dogs will not get any kind of national health care. This does not seem fair to this dog, and if necessary, I will run for President in the next election. Perhaps the only way to achieve equality is to change the system. It is about time dogs can go anywhere and do anything. You know the humans know we are better than them and that is why they try to keep us in the doghouse.

Demon Flash Bandit (Equality for Dogs)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The True Story of Little Red Riding Hood

Today I am going to tell the story, Little Red Riding Hood, from Grimm's fairy tales the way it was actually written. Some of the humans changed the story over the years, and I think it is time the original story was revealed.

Once upon a time there was a little girl who wore a red cape. She was a horrible, badly behaved little girl whose Mother sent her to visit her grandmother because she was sick of putting up with her. Her mother was hoping that Little Red Riding Hood would get lost in the forest and never find her way back. Her teachers had the same philosophy as her mother. They sent her to her mother hoping she would never find her way back to school.

On the way to her grandmother's house, she met a handsome dog ( a Siberian husky like myself). She thought he was a wolf because Little Red Riding Hood was not only a brat, but she was also quite stupid. She told the dog she was lost and the wonderful, well behaved dog helped her find the way to her grandmother's house. When she got to Grandma's house, she pulled the chain saw out of her basket. Luckily some kind hunters saw the girl ready to kill her grandmother (I told you she was a brat.) and they shot the little girl, and everyone lived happily ever after.

I think it is important to relate the true story of Little Red Riding Hood because wolves have gotten a lot of bad press over the years while jerks like Little Red Riding Hood, who happen to be the real villains, get by with everything.

The moral to this story is: Avoid children, spend more time with wolves and dogs.

Today I announce the winner of the Siberan Husky Christmas ornament. It is Khyra. Contact me at my email, so that I can arrange shipment.

Demon Flash Bandit (Narrator)

Monday, December 6, 2010

I Checked my Crystal Ball

I happened to look into my crystal ball and I foresaw a new Civil War in the United States between the north and south. This war became more complicated than the one in the 1860s because the Yankees, many of whom were able to infiltrate the south, and fit in with the Rebels were able to find out battle plans in advance. How did they do it? They mimicked a southern accent, and they wore Dukes of Hazzard T-shirts. This made them fit right into the south, and the southerners never realized that they were not really from there. The south decided to use General Lee as their lead general. The big problem with this was that The Dodge Charger, General Lee, was not an expert on military strategy. In fact, the car wasn't good at all at giving orders. It mainly wanted to drive around jumping over stuff. As in the first war, the south lost. It might have been sadder had anyone actually knew what they were fighting about. From what I saw in my Crystal ball, it looks like you can't give rednecks guns. They will use them. I should send that one to Jeff Foxworthy. You might be a redneck if you shoot first, shoot last, and then find out if you should have shot in the first place. I might add that Mommy is a southerner, and not all are rednecks--just the ones who are shooting from their pickup trucks.

If all goes as planned, I will be announcing the winner of the husky Christmas ornament tomorrow. Good luck to the contenders.

By the way, pumpkin is not good for a dog's tummy. I found this out when I ate a bag of Halloween pumpkin shaped candy. Mommy says I ate too much, but how do you stop when it is so good?

Demon Flash Bandit (Seer)

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Mummies Need Bandages

When you happen to go down the first aid aisle of your favorite store, you will see a vast array of bandages. These bandages are often overlooked when there has been no injury, but it is nice to know that they are available when they are needed. This means that if the price of bandages go up, most people don't even notice right away. However, there is one group that you are likely to see protesting outside the store about the rising costs. That group is the mummies among us. Imagine how much they have to spend to cover themselves entirely in bandages! Sure, if they would stick in their cases in the museums, it would not be a problem, but judging from the amount of movies that have had mummies in them, they don't like to hang out at the museum when they can be causing mayhem in the regular world. I have never seen a mummy personally, but if I did, I would ask him how many times he changes his bandages. What if I need some bandages and he has wiped out the bandage section at the store? It would be important to know this in advance so that a dog can stock up on necessities. I have had a few people suggest that I write a money saving book for mummies. I think it would be much cheaper for them to buy some white linens and cut them up and use them as bandages. Since the mummies are dead anyway, I don't think they need to worry about the bandages being sterile. It isn't like an infection is going to bother them. Personally, it does my heart good to know that there are nice mummies who are protesting rising prices instead of the meaner ones who are chasing after everyone.

Demon Flash Bandit (Reporting on Mummies)

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Paw to the Gas--Go Faster!

My adopted sister, Angel Zoom Smokey, has been known to drive while under the influence of alcohol, which is irresponsible for humans, but dogs are a different story. Anyway, after Angel had a few drinks the other day, I was riding as a passenger in the car with Angel Zoom Smokey driving. I had suggested I drive because I had only had water, but Angel would not hear of it. She said that it was her car and she was driving. NOTE: It is not her car--it is Mommy's car. Anyway, we had gone about 5 miles when we heard sirens behind us and saw some blinking lights. I suggested we pull over. Angel Zoom Smokey, who has been reading a lot of Greek mythology lately said that sirens make music and compel mariners to wreck their ships. She wasn't falling for their trickery. Her paw hit the accelerator, and she took off, leaving the sirens in the dust. She said to always be careful when you hear sirens--it is seldom a good thing for the person hearing them. I suspect she might very well be right about that.

On another subject, we live next to a major highway, and there are 2 dead raccoons that have been hit by cars sitting beside the road. Mommy won't let us eat them, but Angel Zoom Smokey and myself keep telling her that they are food delivery. Will the humans never understand common dog sense?

Demon Flash Bandit (Riding With Dog that Got Away)

Friday, December 3, 2010

Christmas Gift Ideas From Demon Flash Bandit

With Christmas fast approaching, many of us are trying to decide what to gifts to give our family and friends. Sure, you can give your dad a tie, but he probably already has a gadzillion ties. If you have one of those dads like mine who only wore a tie if he HAD TO, it will just sit in the closet and collect dog fur. Sure, if you have a human who likes to be a bit eccentric and enjoys things other humans hate, you could always order that human a tie at from their tasteless tie section. Believe me, I have no idea why anyone would order any of their ties, but I'm sure there are some humans out there wearing them. What about the ladies on the list? There are only so many posters of Abe Vigoda shirtless that a home has wall space to hang. (NOTE: Abe Vigoda is best for the tween on your list--they will thank you when they are older and realize that the guys on Twilight really aren't particularly handsome.) By the way, for the Republicans on your list, a poster of Dick Cheney shirtless is available. And some of you ladies think that no one is answering your wishes!

Sure, all this stuff is okay for a few of the humans, but what would the majority of humans want to see under the Christmas tree? I have the answer to that question for you in this blog. I have done some massive surveys, and the thing the humans would like to have most can be found at This wonderful website has many wonderful gift ideas for the hard to buy for person on your list. What human would not be happy with a heart felt greeting of Merry Christmas spelled out in dog poop? At a cost of only $13.98, it is a real bargain. I know it isn't a gift that many people think of giving, so it will make your gift stand out in the crowd of gifts. Since these gifts of poop are fake poop, your recipient can enjoy them for years to come. This brings me to the best gift of all: for only $7.98, you can purchase Yule Doos, This is a special Christmas ornament made up of fake poop which is covered in sparkly snow. What could better prepare a person for the joy of the holiday season than to see a tree covered in poop? There are many other lovely poop gifts to choose from for that special person on your list. You can even shop from the comfort of you own home. I know that you will be remembered forever if you choose one of these thoughtful poop gifts. I think they prove the old adage, it is better to give than to receive.

I have to admit that I think my husky Christmas ornament giveaway is a better looking ornament than the Yule Doo, but Yule Doo is a close second!

Demon Flash Bandit (Holiday Gift Advisor)

Thursday, December 2, 2010

My Pal's Book and Three Dog Night

My friend Raja, a shih tzu, has written a book featuring the history and story of the shih tzu breed. This book can be ordered from the site, You can read more about the book on the site. By the way, my photo is in the book so I'm wondering if I am going to have to wear sunglasses to avoid being mobbed by pupparazzi.

I decided to watch a video concert performed by Three Dog Night. When 3 dogs make up a band, you know it has to be great. I am wondering why they became such good pals with that bullfrog named Jeremiah. I have never met a frog, but frogs don't seem to be the kind of species with which a dog would want to be friends. The last time I watched one of the dog's concerts, I was a bit disappointed because I didn't see the dogs. I suppose they were taking a Milkbone break. Last night I watched a different video, and they were 3 dogs short---AGAIN!!! This time I stayed awake to make sure the dogs came back from their break, and they never did! The band was just another bunch of humans--no doubt trying to get an audience by pretending to be dogs. I wrote about doggy impawsters recently. I suppose it must be more of a problem than I realized. Angel Zoom Smokey and myself are in a band called the Howling Huskies, and you can be sure that it is an all dog band--no humans are used in the making of our music. We happen to have very high standards. I think Spiderman summed it up when he said, "with great 'paw'er comes great re'paw'nsibility.

I would like to mention that it is National Mutt Day. All dogs are special--whether pedigreed or not.

Demon Flash Bandit (Prefers an All Dog Band)

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Don't Mess With Angel Zoom Smokey

Today's blog is a public service announcement to Jack Nicholson. Jeff was doing his imitation of Jack Nicholson last night, and Angel Zoom Smokey went nuts. We had no idea that she was not a fan. In fact, she was very upset. Perhaps it was because Jeff was doing his voice and she thought he had been taken over by some Jack Nicholson demon, and if so, maybe the real Jack Nicholson might be okay if he were to run into Angel. Is it really worth him taking that kind of risk? I think not. My reaction was to look up from my nap and lay my head back down. Obviously, I am a bit more mellow than Angel Zoom Smokey. It isn't like Jeff isn't always doing silly things. She is 3 years old so she should be used to it by now. Anyway, I am going to assume that she is not a fan of Nicholson. Sorry Jack, you are okay with me, but Angel does not share my opinion. Just be grateful she isn't a movie critic. I personally am glad that Jeff puts on these shows for us. He practiced his stand up comedy in front of us, and I have to tell you that Angel is responsible for much of his success (he has appeared at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle in Royal Oak, MI, and also at the Comedy Showcase in Ann Arbor, MI). You may ask how Angel Zoom Smokey can be considered the reason for his success, but it is quite simple. She had to keep telling him--"Jeff, it is stand up comedy, you can't sit down". It isn't Jeff's fault that he thought it would be okay. Daddy did used to play ball with him while sitting in a lawn chair. Daddy had worked all day and he said standing at home was too much work. Jack, if you are reading this, I have no idea what you have done to annoy Angel Zoom Smokey so much, but if you want to avoid some puppy slaps of justice (one of her specialties); I would suggest you avoid all contact with Angel. I've been the victim of some of those puppy slaps of justice and, believe me, they aren't fun!

Remember the Christmas ornament giveaway. Who wouldn't want an adorable husky ornament on their Christmas tree?

Demon Flash Bandit (Issuing Alert)

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Singing Spiderman

Perhaps you have heard about the new Broadway musical starring Spiderman. Since dogs are not allowed to attend Broadway shows, I won't get to see it personally, but in this situation, the jury is still out on whether it is a good thing or bad that dogs aren't allowed. Although they do have some very talented musicians composing the music, Bono and The Edge. The only glitch for me is that I have never felt that Spiderman really needed musical accompaniment. So far, the big song about spiders, Itsy Bitsy Spider, isn't exactly on the charts. Perhaps if it was sung by Spiderman, it might do better, but considering he is usually busy fighting villains, it doesn't leave a super hero much time for singing. This is not the first time that a comic book hero has appeared on Broadway. In 1966, there was a Broadway musical based on Superman, but it didn't last long. It was called It's a Bird....It's a Plane...It's Superman. If Spiderman is successful, it might bring back a new Superman musical. I think Superman would have upbeat music. Perhaps he could perform Happy Feet with some penguins. It would be appropriate since his fortress is located in a cold area, and penguins love it when it is cold. I can envision Batman singing Stuck in the Middle With you if they decided to do a Batman musical. I checked the ticket prices on the Internet, and the prices range from $155.00-$325.00 per ticket on a weekday, and $188.00-$350.00 on the weekend. This dog would be skipping the show even if I were allowed to attend. At those prices a dog could buy a lot of Burger King, dingo bones, and Yummy Chummies. The humans are impractical with money, but not us dogs. We have our priorities.

I hope that the humans who pay so much to go to the new musical enjoy it, but this dog will stay home and chew on a dingo bone. It is hard to beat the entertainment value of a dingo bone!

Demon Flash Bandit (Broadway Critic)

Monday, November 29, 2010

Own Your Own Fire Hydrant!

Imagine how happy I was to discover that you can order a fire hydrant "lawn statue" at Personally, I like to water the trees and plants, but for the dog who prefers hydrants, you can have your own personal fire hydrant in your own back yard!!!! No more walking down the street to the nearest fire hydrant. You can use this hydrant EVERY TIME you go out. The hydrant is 14 inches tall and 6 inches wide. It is made of cold cast resin so it is durable. At its $27.00 price, it is a real bargain. I'm sure everyone will want one of these for their yards. I know I would love to have one myself. I already have most of the plants in the yard marked, and it would be nice to have some new "territory" to mark.

Be the envy of every dog in your neighborhood with your own personal fire hydrant. The other dogs will want to visit your hydrant, but they can only do so with your permission. This would make a fantastic Christmas gift for the dog on your list. I don't know of a single dog who would not be proud to own such a treasure.

I must issue a warning. This hydrant will not be of any help in putting out a fire. It is for decorative, and peeing purposes only.

Don't forget the contest for the husky Christmas ornament (it was announced in yesterday's blog.) Perhaps someone will make a fire hydrant ornament for dogs. That way we can make sure the Christmas trees stays "watered".

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Fire Hydrants)

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Christmas Husky Ornament Contest

In honor of the Christmas season, I am giving away a Siberian husky playing hockey Christmas ornament. In my opinion, it is the cutest ornament ever made, and you know I'm not just saying that because I'm a husky.

To win this prize, come to my blog and post a comment from now until December 5, 2010. For each comment posted, an entry will be entered into a drawing. I, Demon Flash Bandit, will draw the winner on December 6. This contest is open to everyone in the United States and Canada; and of course, postage will be free. This is my way of thanking everyone for reading my blog, and to wish my readers a merry Christmas. A photo of the ornament is included on today's blog.

It is time to start putting up the Christmas tree which, in my opinion, is the time of year that is on the same scale as birthdays. Any day when this dog gets gifts and treats has my approval. I have been looking through catalogs to see what to ask Santa Paws to bring me for Christmas. Some of the humans went to Black Friday sales yesterday, but not my humans. They stayed home and ordered stuff online. This dog approves since I don't like it when the humans go out and leave me at home. I have heard that a lot of humans go out shopping and many of them aren't having a good time. I don't think us dogs will ever understand why the humans put up with some of the things they put up with, but then we have to remember that they are humans and humans aren't logical. Be sure and start looking through catalogs and watch some television commercials so you will know what to request from Santa Paws when he asks you what you want.

Demon Flash Bandit (Preparing a List)

Friday, November 26, 2010

Pass the Pizza and Burger King

Mommy offered me turkey for Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. Although I do approve of the killing and eating of stupid birds, I declined to eat the turkey. I got my usual Burger King, which was delicious, and I ate some of the ham and bacon off Mommy's pizza. Whether you had the traditional Thanksgiving pizza or something entirely different, I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday.

Now that Thanksgiving is over, it is time for a dog to start making that special list for Santa Paws. I have been very good this year so I'm sure he will bring me lots of stuff-as always.

Mommy didn't make it to any sales today. She had planned to, but the car was making some odd noises. I think it just didn't want to bother with the crowd. I suspect Mommy wasn't anxious to deal with the crowds either. I don't think there was anything she really needed anyway. For those who braved the crowds, I hope your shopping trips were pleasant.

I am beginning to feel a nap coming on. Thanks for reading what a dog has to say. It always makes me feel good to see that other dogs and people have read my blog.

Demon Flash Bandit (Looking forward to Christmas)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

The True Story of the First Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to all my readers. I hope everyone has something to be thankful for this year. I personally am thankful for Burger King and doggy treats and, of course, my humans and my friends.

I watched the Thanksgiving parade from Detroit, Michigan this morning on television, and I enjoyed watching it. I do think the caterpillar they had reading the news was silly. I have met some caterpillars, and they do not impress me as readers. I think they should have had a dog instead. We dogs not only know how to read, but as my blog, and many others prove, we can write too.

The new outdoor Christmas decoration with a husky inside Santa's boot is now ready for display. I can understand why Mommy bought it. Who could resist an adorable husky?

The house is filled with the aroma of turkey even though the humans are ordering the traditional Thanksgiving pizza. This has Angel Zoom Smokey and myself excited because I suspect we will get some turkey for ourselves. We both prefer turkey to pizza.

For those of you who might need to be reminded why the United States celebrates Thanksgiving, I will now quickly recap the history behind the holiday. Many years ago when the Europeans found the new world that the native Americans had discovered many centuries before, they decided to start colonies in this new land. It was rough in the beginning. These hardy pioneers did not have electricity or indoor plumbing. They didn't even have a Burger King drive thru in which to get their food. Thus, the natives felt sorry for them because the natives knew how to survive in the new world. They knew where all the good restaurants and hotels were located, but since they didn't speak the same language, it was hard to communicate, One day the natives took pity on the pioneers and used pictures to invite them to dinner. They ordered pizza from Pizza Hut, and the pioneers were so happy to finally have found a good restaurant that they managed to survive and thrive here in the new world. In fact, it wasn't long before they discovered pizza coupons so their place in the new world was secured. Many years later, Lincoln, who was elected President due to his popularity (he was on the penny so he was a household name), said that there should be a day of thanks for pizza. This is because he was so fond of pizza that it was said that if he couldn't get pizza everyday; he would go into pizza withdrawal. His aides would have to go and find him pizza or he would not be able to function. This was made easier by the car he invented, the Lincoln. I might add that this dog likes Lincolns, and enjoys riding around in luxury. I also like a car big enough that I can stretch my paws out when I'm riding. I know there are some bogus stories of the first Thanksgiving. However, I did some vast research on this subject and was able to find some rare documents in the Library of Congress. My narration is the factual story of the first Thanksgiving. By the way, turkeys were unimportant on that first Thanksgiving just as birds are unimportant now. This dog is fighting the birds' propaganda by relating the truth.

I hope everyone has a nice Thanksgiving, and may everyone's tummies be full at the end of the day. Enjoy the traditional pizza!

Demon Flash Bandit (Historian)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving!

The bad thing about having relatives work for you is that they tend to take advantage of a dog's good nature. My blog was not written yesterday because the human who does my typing for me decided to go to the Purple Rose Theatre in Chelsea, Michigan to see a play written by Jeff Daniels. He also founded the theatre in Chelsea. Although writing my blog should be more important to her than going to a play, the humans have an odd sense of priorities. Anyway, she is home today, and I told her that she had better sit down and listen to what I have to say and type it accurately because there are readers who are waiting to read my words of wisdom---as usual. I was a diary pick on, and she didn't even type my diary entry, and my readers were all disappointed.

I have some good news to annouce. The local Burger King will be open on Thanksgiving. Finally, my letters to the corporation have been heard. A dog gets hungry on holidays too. The great thing about Burger King is that it is run by the King so whatever he says is how it will be. I bet he read my letters and issued an order to the corporation--stay open so a dog can get his food on a holiday. I hope they decide to stay open on Christmas too!

Since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I think my humans should start thinking about how thankful they should be that I put up with them. Sure, they are good to me, but I have been kind enough to stay and let them feed me Burger King and buy me dingo bones. They should be thankful for my kindness. I hope everyone out there has a happy Thanksgiving, and although the traditional Thanksgiving pizza is tasty, cooking up a bird like a turkey helps in the fight against global warming in our never ending war with birds.

Demon Flash Bandit (Wishing My Readers a Happy Thanksgiving)

Monday, November 22, 2010

Answer to Ireland's Problems: Leprechauns!!!

For those of you who bother to keep up with the news, Ireland is having problems financially and needs a bailout. As usual, this is because humans are running the world. The answer is as clear as a commercial for Lucky Charms cereal. They need to start catching some leprechauns and demanding the gold they have at the end of the rainbow. If they don't get some gold, they can at least get some tasty cereal out of the chase. I bet those leprechauns haven't paid taxes in years, and it is about time they helped out some. A bonus would be having them make a pair of shoes for every person in the country. If the humans don't want to chase the leprechauns, let the dogs do it. We love to chase things, and a leprechaun would be just as much fun to run after as a squirrel. It has the added benefit that a dog could put a couple of gold pieces aside after he catches the leprechaun and before he turns over the gold as a finders fee. The finders fee would keep a dog in dingo bones for quite awhile. I am still enjoying the chicken filled dingo bones Mommy got me for my birthday yesterday. YUMMY!!!

Ireland is a very fortunate country. Most countries do not have little people running around that have gold for the taking. I do think that the world would be better off if it were run by dogs. If I were in charge, the economy wouldn't be based on silly things like gold. What do you expect from humans--they are always mesmerized by shiny objects? I would base the economy on things that are useful like food and dingo bones. Gold doesn't do much good if you are hungry. You can't eat it or drink it and it does not, in itself, provide shelter. It only buys the necessities because of the human fascination with shiny things. Give me a choice between a dingo bone or a gold ingot, I will take the dingo bone every time--and I do mean EVERY TIME!

Speaking of dingo bones, it is time for me to go and get myself one. Ireland, I hope you decide to chase some leprechauns. This dog is pulling for you. I would like to visit your country one day. It would be nice if you could chase a few of them to my yard. I could use some extra dingo bone money.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Volunteer to Chase Leprechauns)

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Today Is My Birthday!

I'm a bit later writing today than usual because I have been celebrating all day. Today is my birthday, and I have been having a great time. I got a toy chicken with 2 squeakys, and I love squeakys. I also got some dingo bones filled with chicken. I had Burger King for dinner, and I will get more presents tomorrow. Angel Zoom Smokey is happy too because Mommy gets her the same stuff so she won't be jealous. I have also been engaging in one of my favorite past times. If you are assuming I was taking a nice long nap, you would be correct. Napping is a hobby of mine.

I was looking through some ads, and I see that computer companies have finally made a computer for dogs called a netbook. I know it is for dogs because it is smaller than the human computers so that it is easier for a dog to carry with him when he goes places. This is very a very exciting thing for us dogs. We no longer have to depend on the humans to do our typing for us. Of course, I will continue to use Mommy as my typist because she works free, and it saves me a lot of work. However, it is still nice for me to have my own computer.

I was checking over the groceries that came into the house yesterday, and I'm a bit confused. There was a turkey. Now I am wondering if we are going to have our traditional Thanksgiving pizza or if there will be turkey. I guess it will be a surprise!

I plan to get back to my birthday celebration, and take a nap. I hope everyone had as nice a day as I have had.

Demon Flash Bandit (Birthday Dog)

Saturday, November 20, 2010

New Book Genre--Dogoir

I was just reading about about a new genre of books that is classed as the dogoir. These are dog books. Finally, dogs have begun to get the attention we so richly deserve. There are a record number of these books on the best seller list. Why this is a "surprise" to some of the humans shows just how self absorbed the humans can be. Quite frankly, after watching my humans, they live very uninteresting lives. Most of them get up, go to work, and do other boring things. I have naps more exciting than their lives. When I nap, I dream and dreaming is definitely more exciting than what goes on around here.

One of the recent books Mommy bought that I think is one of the best books in the house is I Has a Hot Dog. This book has adorable dog photos and captions. I think it should be required reading for college students. If you haven't gotten this book yet, do yourself a favor and buy a copy. Don't just get it from the library. You will want to look at it over and over. I know I do.

I have actually written a book myself, but it is a children's book, and I'm waiting for the artist to finish the illustrations. At that time, I will try to get it published. I'm sure it won't be easy considering I'm an unknown author, and also a dog. I'm not even sure if there are any literary agents who represent dogs, but if there aren't there should be. I am happy to announce that I have been busy practicing putting my pawprints in my book. Human authors sign them, but dog authors put pawprints. It is just too hard to write when you don't have thumbs.

I hope all my readers are having a nice weekend. If you have some time to read, I would recommend you read a book from the dogoir genre.

Demon Flash Bandit (Author and Dog of Many Talents)

Friday, November 19, 2010

New Planet Discovered In Milky Way Galaxy

There is exciting news in astronomy today. It seems that a new planet has been found in the our galaxy, the Milky Way. There are 500 planets in our galaxy, but this new one is from another galaxy that was absorbed by the Milky Way many years ago. The planet was found orbiting a star called HIP 13044, and it is 2,000 light years away.

I'm sure that my readers, like myself, are wondering if this will affect our horoscopes. I happen to be a Scorpio, and I wonder if the predictions for my life need to be modified due to the discovery of this "new planet". I will now share my "unmodified" horoscope for today that I got from the Internet

"You may be unwilling to seek common ground with a partner today even if it has the potential to make your life simpler. However, you aren't interested in compromising away your integrity. Although it appears that the other person is being difficult, it may be you who is being stubborn at this time. Keep in mind that the outcome of a disagreement now is not important as it seems. The health of a relationship is what ultimately matters."

The only partnership in my life is with my humans or Angel Zoom Smokey, and I suspect the stars are referring to Angel. I think the compromise in question probably involves a rawhide bone because she is always trying to take my rawhide bones from me. Letting her have my bones would be a horrible compromise. Sure, life may be simpler, but it would be simpler because I don't have a rawhide bone, and this dog does not sacrifice the integrity of my rawhide bones just to have a "simpler life". As you can see, my horoscope is so accurate that I can only assume that the stars are watching Angel Zoom Smokey and myself on a regular basis. I hope, if the discovery of this new planet compromises the outcome of my horoscope in any way, that the astrologers will be busy working on the new, improved horoscope so that a dog knows what to expect everyday.

I am quite surprised that they haven't discovered more new planets absorbed into the Milky Way galaxy. If I were a planet, I would head for the Milky Way myself. It is one delicious candy bar so what planet wouldn't want to be here instead of some other stupid galaxy that has no candy? I know I would head for the candy if I were a planet.

It is time for me to get back to my napping. TDIF--Thank Dog It's Friday!

Demon Flash Bandit (Scorpio)

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Engagement and Murder

Target, a heroic dog who saved the lives of soldiers in Afghanistan and was brought back to the United States to live with Sgt. Terry Young in Arizona was "accidentally euthanized" by an employee at the Pinal County Animal Care and Control Shelter. The director of Animal Control there, Ruth Stalter, said Target was not supposed to be euthanized, and that the employee, who has been put on administrative leave, did not follow proper procedures. I'm not against second chances, but I think this employee should lose that job. There are other jobs out there that do not involve an animal dying if they do the job improperly. I am very sorry that Target, who had been shot in the leg and ran over in Afghanistan, and finally had a good home, was killed by such a thoughtless, human.

I like to write about happy news, and today I see that my pal, the Queen Lady, has tweeted congratulations on the engagement of her grandson, William, to a young lady named Kate Middleton. This dog wishes them well, but I guess I am going to have to let the Queen Lady know that "tweeting" is not acceptable. Birds are evil, and it is very important that the world leaders not be taken in by the little feathered varmints. I assume that with the royal wedding in the works that the Queen Lady won't be able to mow my yard again this year. I'm sure she will be crushed, but it is important to put family obligations first. I hope the new addition to the royal family will be as easy to deal with as my new stunt dog, Phantom Fast Snowman. I've discovered that stuffed dogs are much more docile than real dogs.

It is time for me to mush into the other room and take a nap.

Demon Flash Bandit (Murder and Marriage)

Monday, November 15, 2010

Introducing: Phantom Fast Snowman, Stunt Dog

Today I am introducing a new member of the family, and my personal stunt double, Phantom Fast Snowman. As you can see from the photo, he is a full size stuffed husky that has blue eyes just like me. However, since he is not a real dog, he does not mind being dressed in outlandish costumes. Also, he has no complaints about anything the humans might decide to do to him no matter how embarrassing it would be for a real dog like myself. Phantom will also be Angel Zoom Smokey's stunt double. I am pleased to welcome Phantom to our family. The best thing about Phantom is that he does not want my Burger King, my bones, or my toys. Phantom does not bother me when I am napping either. Of course, Phantom does not possess my bubbly personality, but staying clear of my bones makes up for that. I don't want the competition anyway. It is about time I had a stunt double. I have been a star since I was a puppy, and all us dogs know that stars are too important to do their own stunts. What if they got hurt? It could delay filming and cost the studios a lot of money. Anyway, you will be seeing more of Phantom on my blog--no doubt wearing stupid clothes that Angel and I refuse to wear. Mommy should have known better than to buy the clothing for us in the first place, but at least now she can be happy because it won't go to waste. Phantom can model it for her.

I'm wishing all my readers a nice day from Demon Flash Bandit, Angel Zoom Smokey, and our new stunt double, Phantom Fast Snowman.

Demon Flash Bandit (I Finally Have My Own Stunt Dog!)

Sunday, November 14, 2010

I'm Not a Chia Dog

Today's topic is chia heads. There have been chia pets around for years. Humans buy them and plant seeds and grow "green plant hair" on the item. Sometimes they are heads, and sometimes they are animals. Today's topic is about the heads. You can buy George Washington, Barack Obama, Abraham Lincoln, or the Statue of Liberty as Chia Heads now. I wonder why no one thought of this idea sooner. I'm sure Washington would be pleased to know that he can now be seen with green hair. Actually, I'm joking. I think Washington would probably be highly upset if he saw green hair on his head. The founding fathers just don't impress me as the kind of men who would have green, pink, purple or blue hair. Maybe I'm wrong, and they sat around wishing their hair could be a cool color like that, but somehow I just don't think they did. I suspect they had more important things on their mind than hair color anyway. I can't even picture modern Barack Obama wanting green hair. Of course, I could get in touch with Bo, the first dog, and ask. I know I always feel better knowing that a dog is in the White House. I can't really see Lincoln wanting green hair either. I wonder--does he grow a green chia beard too? These are the kinds of thoughts that disturb my naps. Also, would the immigrants who came to the shores of New York Harbor feel the same way about being here if they had finally spotted the Statue of Liberty and found that she had green hair? Don't get me wrong--I don't mind chia pets, but I just wonder how I would feel if they came up with a Demon Flash Bandit chia pet that grows "green hair". I happen to look handsome with my black and white fur, and I think I'd prefer to keep the fur.

I have a wonderful announcement to share with my readers. I will soon be posting photos on my blog of my stunt dog double. Yes, folks, I am finally getting a stunt dog to do the things I hate doing--like trying on dog clothing. I am very excited about this new development, and I think my readers will enjoy seeing "me" or "Angel" doing things the humans could never get us to do in the past. Keep watching my blogs for the introduction of this important new dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Chia Dog)

Saturday, November 13, 2010


Angel Zoom Smokey and myself finally got to see Zombieland. Since we aren't allowed in theatres due to us being dogs, we always have to wait for things to come out on dvd before we get to see them. I have already complained in the past about silly rules not allowing dogs in public so I will refrain from repeating the complaints in this blog. I enjoyed the movie. Of course, I didn't see much difference in the humans and the zombies. Zombies were running around like they were in a daze, and that is how most humans act so a dog could have a bit of a problem trying to distinguish the difference. I am very glad that Mommy upgraded to a new hd television in her bedroom and got the bluray player for it. This meant I was able to watch Zombieland in high definition. Believe me, when you watch zombies with oozing sores, you want to see it clearly. When the human in the movie found the yellow Hummer with the arsenal of weapons in the back and he said, "Thank God for rednecks", this dog got all choked up. Normally, I think guns are not really necessary to have around, but I suppose the National Rifle Association has a point when they say, "what if we get attacked by zombies?" Finally, I could see the logic of their argument. Sure, I know that zombies aren't supposed to exist, but if you have one planning to eat your brain, it is a bit late to wish you had listened to the humans who said they do exist. Anyway, this dog will be more careful in the future when I go out....killer tomatoes, zombies, birds....what other dangers lurk outside the door? If I wasn't such a big, brave dog, I might be afraid to leave the house.

I hope everyone has a nice weekend, and watch out for zombies!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Zombies)

Thursday, November 11, 2010

How To Show Class

For those of you who have not read some of my earlier posts, The Queen of England made a visit to New York City and there was a news story at that time about how she has had to cut back several million dollars on her household expenses. I felt bad for the Queen Lady so I offered her a job mowing my yard. Of course, she was thrilled at the opportunity to make extra money, and I shared several of the letters we exchanged back and forth about the possible trip. She was never able to come and mow the yard, but she really wanted to, and maybe she can earn some extra money next year.

Today I am reminded of the Queen Lady because she is a very classy lady (she has to be--she is royalty), and I was touched at how classy my humans can be at times. Normally, Mommy buys kleenex for the computer room, but we ran out of kleenex, and Mommy forgot to buy more when she was out yesterday. The solution to the problem is one of the classiest things I have ever experienced in this family. When I walked into the computer room to write my blog this morning, sitting next to the computer is a roll of toilet paper which I needed right away since I started crying. I'm such a lucky dog to live in such a classy family.

I think they could have only picked up that kind of class from the Queen Lady. I have never had the privilege of visiting her palace, but I have chatted with her dogs, and they have told me about all the treasures in the place. By the way, it shows taste and class for a human to have dogs. Some of them don't have dogs as pets, and I just feel sorry for them. However, I will stick with the subject at hand--the classy art that fills Buckingham Palace. The Queen Lady does not brag about these items and that is the classy thing to do. However, this dog wants to bring culture to the masses. Remember, do not feel bad if you can't afford these kinds of classy things. I would suggest you call up the Topeka Zoo and see if you can order some of the classy elephant poo items by mail. Believe me, the Queen is investing in the $25.00 ones. I'm not saying they will go up in value, but one never knows. WINK WINK

When you enter the Grand Hall, you will see some pictures of past rulers of England. Then there is the painting used in the Blackadder television series in which Bolrick paints what he ate for breakfast--(once it is in his stomach of course). Then there is the velvet Elvis painting. HINT: For a touch of real class and elegance in your house, make sure there is at least one painting on velvet. The painting that has Christmas lights on it that light up was a real find. I can't tell you how many art museums were fighting over that one before the Queen beat them to it. It is good to be the Queen! The painting of the clown picking his nose is quite a victory for the Queen. The Louve in France was after that one, but once again, don't mess with the Queen Lady! There is the one with Michael Jackson surrounded by young boys and he is smiling. Personally, I think that one might be a bit creepy, but on the other hand, having King Henry VIII's wives heads on display is considered creepy by many humans, but they are wax replicas, and some guy named Prince Vlad toured the palace, and he thought they were lovely. It goes to show you that there is always some controversy in the art world. The dogs were particularly annoyed at one piece of art--the Thinker on the Toilet. They said it is like he is using their watering dish and bragging about it to the world. I can see their point about that. I also would be remiss if I didn't mention the Popsicle replica of London Bridge. I found that to be breath-taking. Some dog had to eat a lot of Popsicles to build that sculpture. It makes a dog appreciate what artists do for their craft.

There is an entire room filled with collectible plates. The plates are kind of a personal matter--some argue that Nascar plates are classier than Gone With the Wind Plates, but there is always some room for individual taste. Invest in what you enjoy--don't let other humans push you around. They have all been going down in value. WINK WINK

I hope that after reading this blog, my readers will go back to their lives more intelligent and classy than they were before they read this blog. My job is to educate the humans who don't have a classy dog to explain these kinds of things to them. Until tomorrow....

Demon Flash Bandit (Classy Dog)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Send Gingerbread House to Demon Flash Bandit, Dog

Everyone has a dream vacation destination, and I just discovered mine. It seems that nice humans at Great Wolf Lodge in Niagara Falls, Canada are in the process of building their 3rd annual 2 story, wood frame gingerbread house. The house is made from 600 pounds of gingerbread, 1,000 pounds of frosting, 2,000 chocolate wafers, 750 cookies, and 4.900 pretzels. The house requires 3 full time bakers, an executive chef, and one sous chef 2 weeks to build the house. By the way, I have no idea what a sous chef is. I'm going to assume he is the legal chef in charge of making sure the executive chef and the bakers don't get sued.

Imagine a lit up, glittering house of gingerbread!!!!! Can there be anyplace more perfect for this dog to take a vacation. The lodge has wisely added some interests for the humans-- a water park complex (too much like a bath for my taste), mini golf (my paws are kind of clumsy when I have to hold a golf club), and other family themed entertainment. Of course, for the dogs, there is the wonderful candy house!!!!!

The lodge allows reservations at a cost of $20.00 for meals in the house for a family or group of up to 6 which is donated to the child Advocacy Centre Niagara, a group that helps abused children. When meals aren't being served in the house, Santa is in the house to visit with children. You know how important it is for kids to get their lists to Santa before Christmas.

In the first part of January, the house comes down and goes to the compost heap. Since people touch the house, it has germs and the humans don't want to eat it. I think it is wasteful to send it to a compost heap so I suggest that the nice humans at Great Wolf Lodge send the house to me, Demon Flash Bandit. I love candy, and we dogs don't worry about germs like the silly humans.

Demon Flash Bandit (Doing my Part to Avoid Waste)

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Elephant Poop Can be Purchased at the Gift Shop

Mommy went to see the movie Megamind yesterday which she liked. I planned to write this blog about how I am actually far more intelligent than that blue space alien. However, since it is a movie, I realize that sometimes you have to stretch reality for entertainment. Then I happened to run across a news item that upset me tremendously. Sure, it is okay when Hollywood doesn't worry about reality, but a zoo in Topeka, Kansas is selling elephant poop in their gift shop and people are paying $10- $25. for it. We dogs know the humans aren't smart, but even I thought they had more sense than to spend money on poop. Don't get me wrong--poop is interesting, but these are the same humans who, if their dog has an accident get all upset and hostile. Why not just let it air out for 10 days and paint it? Then the humans could start their own poop selling gift shop? Instead of an accident, the human would be making money. For those humans who are interested in purchasing your own elephant poop, it is called My Pet Poo. Sure, like most humans have a pet elephant hanging out at their house. Where is the truth in advertising? Why not call it Elephant Poo or Horton Gives a Poo? If Dr. Seuss were alive, it could make an interesting sequel to the Horton Hears a Who book. This proves my point that dogs don't get the respect that we deserve. The only good thing for us dogs is that no political party has chosen us as their mascot. Since we are mostly members of the fur party, it would be a conflict of interest for us to represent another party.

Demon Flash Bandit (Talking About Elephant Poop)

Monday, November 8, 2010

Pizza for Dinner--and it Wasn't Even Thanksgiving!

My humans ordered pizza yesterday, and since it is November, Angel Zoom Smokey and myself were wondering if it was Thanksgiving. The traditional Thanksgiving meal around here is pizza. Sure, there was a time when it was a larger meal, but since the family has dwindled in size, and everyone likes pizza, it just seems to make sense to order a couple of pizzas. Mommy says she is thankful she isn't cooking. Anyway, it was confusing for Angel Zoom Smokey and myself, but it was not Thanksgiving so I'm assuming that there will be more pizza on that day. Angel and I like it when Mommy orders pizza since Mommy gives us the ham off her pizza, and ham is delicious! Since it is November, I will be having to give some thought to the things I want Santa Paws to bring me for Christmas. Christmas only comes once a year so a dog does not want to miss the chance to ask for cool things from the Big Guy. He has always been good to this dog, but this dog is a good dog. I have never been on the naughty list--okay maybe the time I got into the craft paint and my nose was orange, but I was so cute that I don't think that counts. I was also just a puppy at the time. I better go and start looking through some dog toy catalogs so I will have some things for which to ask Santa Paws to bring to me.

Demon Flash Bandit (Preparing for Christmas)

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Humans Are Ungrateful!

I am so pleased that Mother Nature added a whole hour this weekend for this dog to enjoy. Getting up at noon everyday is hard on a dog! Then I have a diary to write on and this blog. I have to check out my toy store. Yes, this dog is exhausted by the end of the day. It hardly leaves a dog time to chew on a rawhide bone. I did a special favor for Mommy yesterday. She had a package of open hamburger buns and I put a half finished rawhide bone in the bag with the buns. Mommy threw the buns away like having them sitting next to my rawhide bone made them inedible. If you ask me, I think the humans are an ungrateful bunch. That rawhide bone was delicious. I try to share and look what happens with the humans.

Mommy has some antacid in the house, and I was wondering--how do they get the acid from the ants, and isn't it disgusting to use something that came from an ant? If you ask me, they are disgusting little bugs. I suppose it could be worse. It could be fleaacid. That would annoy every dog in the world.

I hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dealing With Ungrateful Humans)

Friday, November 5, 2010

Ghosts are Unreliable

Mommy bought both parts of the fifth season of Ghost Hunters last week because she enjoys the show. Coincidentally, Donna Lacroix, who was the original case manager on the show, and then moved on to Ghost Hunters International recently had some negative things to say about the show. Since the world is waiting to see what Demon Flash Bandit has to say about the situation, I will now give my opinion.

First, I will say that it is an entertaining show, and it is interesting. Since paranormal activity is something that is hard to prove one way or the other, I like seeing it done in a skeptical, scientific fashion. That is how a dog would do it. Of course, it is nice that our senses are superior to that of the humans. I do think the show would benefit from dropping the Roto Rooter talk--they can't stay up all night in another city and still be plumbers during the day--they should just give Roto Rooter some commercials. They have moved on to a better job if you ask this dog.

Donna LaCroix says that some of the show is staged, but she was not privy to that information. First of all, anyone watching it knows it could be staged. Unless you have some proof, you should not bark about it. Besides, if it is staged, and all they come up with are the things they have found so far, it is a pathetic show. I know if I were going to stage something for a television show, I would want it to be more exciting that the evidence they get. She also stated that when they say it is their first investigation, it is untrue. She said that often the places have been investigated in the past by other teams. They aren't lying if it is their FIRST time investigating.

She said she, Brian, and Andy went bankrupt because of the show. I have an easy solution to this problem. She, Brian, and Andy should produce their own ghost show. They can go to various places that aren't "haunted" and make sure there are no ghosts. I only hope that they don't accidentally choose a haunted place and then have to stage out the ghosts materialization. It would be just like a ghost to try to ruin a show trying to prove they don't exist by showing themselves. I would not bother doing a show of that type. Ghosts are notoriously unreliable. We've seen it hundreds of times on television and in movies. The human sees them, and then as soon as they report it to another human, the ghost is gone making the first human look insane. I think that is how ghosts have their fun. It reminds me of television shows like Mr. Ed. Mr. Ed, the horse would never talk to any human but Wilbur. This often made Wilbur look crazy. Mr. Ed enjoyed himself immensely, and I suspect that is exactly what is happening with ghosts. They make the humans look insane and then they laugh and laugh about it. They tell their ghost friends who decide to join in on the fun.

I do admit that if I had a haunted house, I would not call in the Ghost Hunters unless it was strictly for investigative purposes. When they supposedly find a "haunted house", they don't offer much help. They tell the humans to tell the ghost that he or she should leave. If you have a deadbeat ghost mooching free rent at your house, I think you would make him mad if you asked him to leave, and then it could get worse. He might decide that you need to leave since he was there first. Getting them to investigate is one thing, but expecting them to help the situation is another. I think they might even make it worse. I know I would not like it if I were a ghost dog and someone asked me to leave. What if they want me to go to a town with no Burger King I would ever cooperate in that situation. A dog needs his burger king whether he is a live dog or a ghost dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Commentator)

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Larry the Ripper Guy

Today I am going to use my skills as a forensic detective to finally solve a mystery that has been waiting more than a century to be solved. Yes, if they had called in a dog when Jack the Ripper killed his first victim, Scotland Yard could have avoided having to deal with more victims. It was a very easy crime to solve, and I'm amazed that the humans weren't able to solve it very quickly. The killer was Larry the Ripper Guy. Yes, for those of you who are wondering, he was Larry the Cable Guy's ancestor. The reason the humans should have been able to solve this case on their own was that I think it was quite obvious that he was the serial killer. He wore a sleeveless shirt under his cape because he was exercising his right to bare arms. Sure, it made no sense at that time and place, but Larry the Ripper Guy wasn't the most logical of humans. He also wore a hat that said, Get R Dead and that was his favorite catchphrase. He used to say it to everyone he met. He hosted a local television show called I Love Killing. He also operated a chain of stores that carried cutlery called Knives R Us. If the police had bothered to check his bank account, they would have found payoff checks from the local mortician. He even paid for billboards that said, "I'm Larry the Riper Guy--Get R Dead". You would think that Scotland Yard would have started looking for a guy named Larry instead of a guy named Jack. He even signed his name to the letters he sent the newspaper, but the editor said it was the newspapers policy not to release names. The newspaper had lost some money in a lawsuit over a name that had been previously released, but they had misspelled.

By the way, Larry The Ripper Guy was actually French, but wanted everyone to think he was British. He also liked to find victims that had lots of moles so he could say after he was done that they were hole-y moleys. At least he was a serial killer with a sense of humor. Another mystery solved by Demon Flash Bandit!

Demon Flash Bandit (Detective Demon Flash Bandit)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Dogs are Watching and Sniffing!

Now that the election is over, a dog won't have his nap disturbed by daily calls from the Republican party. Yes, they called almost everyday for the past week or so. I'm glad I can usually sleep through the phone ringing or I would be one tired dog now. I can only say that once again, I am proud of Burger King. Paul Siegfried, from a Canton, Ohio McDonalds (I'm assuming he is a franchise owner.) passed out a handbill with their paychecks telling his employees that they had better vote Republican or their pay and benefits would suffer. I found this story to be very amusing since McDonalds is not known for its high pay and good benefits. Many McDonalds restaurants pay minimum wage, and you can't legally pay a person less than that. I would like to point out that I did not read any incidents from my favorite restaurant, Burger King, which tried to force employees to vote either way. This is why I love BK so much--great burgers and an ability to abide by the law. I bet the King would order "off with their heads" to any manager who breaks the law. That is what this dog thinks anyway. This is why I have so much respect for BK--they have a perfect Burger Kingdom with tasty burgers that this dog finds delicious!

I personally don't play video games, but am I the only one who thinks the Supreme Court case of Arnold Schwarzennegar vs. the Entertainment for Merchants Association because of the violence in video games that are played by minors is the ultimate in hypocrisy? Isn't this the actor who has starred in many, many violent movies or is the Terminator the story of a happy ending? I do think it is hard to keep minors from playing them anyway since they can't stop what goes on at home or at a friends house. I don't even particularly like games in the first place, but I think there is a serious problem with Arnie and hypocrisy and reality.

I hope the newly elected people realize that this is their chance to pass dog friendly legislation and us dogs are watching. I might add that we have an advantage over the human voters--we have excellent noses and can sniff out injustice to dogs from miles away. To those who have been elected, we are watching and sniffing.

Demon Flash Bandit (Glad Election is Over)

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Vote Dog!!!

I hope all the humans in the United States are planning to go and vote--unless you disagree with me, and then you are free to stay home. That was a joke, but on the other paw, I do like that idea. As usual around here, in the local elections (at least in this township), there are no Democrats running. I suppose there might be some Tea Party candidates, but I don't think they will do well because I think they will get so busy at the tea parties that they will forget to vote. You know how wild those tea parties can get. It takes the girls hours to dress their dolls and teddy bears in fancy enough tea party clothing to have the party in the first place. It does not leave a lot of time for voting.

I'm sorry about the lack of a blog yesterday. Mommy went to see the movie, It is Kind of a Funny Story. I suspect she is going out today, and this dog does not approve except that I get Burger King burgers when she goes out. McDonalds actually is selling the McRib sandwich probably for a limited time. Yes, one sandwich that the other fast food places don't carry any kind of substitute for and it is not permanently on the menu. Am I the only one who thinks that is stupid?

It is getting colder here which is delightful weather for a husky. Yes, the humans are already complaining, but they complain about everything--it is too hot, too cold, not enough rain, too much rain. You just can't please the humans! Dogs know what I mean--you go out and dig them a nice spot in the yard, and what do they do? Complain about the digging.....the yard has a hole in it. Duh!!!! If I dig a hole, it is supposed to have a hole there. Isn't that just common sense?

I hope that all of the dogs out there get out and vote for the humans who will pass the important legislation. We need some humans who make it a law that dogs can accompany their humans everywhere. I would like to go into stores myself and pick out my own stuff. Sure, I can go into pet stores, but I would like to go into any store I choose. Remember, vote for the dog friendly candidates. We need more humans sticking up for us dogs! Bacon and Burger King for everyone!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Should Rule!)

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Trick or Treating Dog---Happy Halloween!

The Pew Research Group, which consists of some very well educated skunks (thus the name Pew), surveyed 2,003 adult humans asking about their experience with the Paranormal. The percentage of humans who have seen a ghost was 18%, The percentage who had felt the touch of someone who has died was 29%. I'm not sure just how a human is supposed to know that the person touching them is actually dead if they can't see them. It would be more accurate if they could look around and say something to the effect, "wow, there is Uncle Jim.....he died 5 years ago, and now he is touching me". I can see how some of the humans can feel something and assume it is a dead person when it could be a dead bird for all they know. Birds are evil when they are alive. I am assuming that ghost birds have to be nasty too. They are probably touching humans and laughing about how easy it is to fool the humans. Anyway, since it is Halloween, I thought ghosts would make an interesting subject for today's blog. I think the survey was wrong. The adults who grew up watching Casper on television should have made the survey numbers much higher. I'm guessing at least 95% of the human adults in the United States saw Casper when they were children, and since Casper is a ghost, that would make the percentage of humans who have seen ghosts considerably higher. I'm not even taking into account other television shows and movies that feature ghosts. There was even a movie called Ghost, which was quite popular and widely watched. I think 100% of humans have seen ghosts which makes it nice for us dogs since we can see ghosts all the time, and we don't have to watch television to do so. The humans eyes, much like their noses are so inferior to that of their dogs. As usual, dogs rule!

On a happy note, those stupid Halloween costumes that Mommy bought for Angel Zoom Smokey and myself might not be so bad after all. I may not want to wear them, but I might just put on my "devil" outfit, put a bag in my mouth, and go out trick or treating myself. If the little deadbeats are going to steal the candy around here, this "Bandit" might have to go out and get his own. Sometimes a dog has to make sacrifices for the things he loves--and I LOVE CANDY!!!! I have to go now so I can practice saying trick or treat. I have already mastered a lot of human words so it shouldn't be too difficult.

Demon Flash Bandit (Trick or Treating Dog)