Meatloaf collapsed on stage in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Onions are threatening to go on strike. I'm surprised the killer tomatoes aren't also in the news since it seems that food is taking over the news today. According to Internet news sources, Meatloaf is in the hospital. I can only assume that meatloaf is so delicious that it now has its own act on stage. However, I think if there is a problem, it would make more sense to send it to a chef and not a hospital. It sounds like a case of food poisoning to me. Mommy just told me that meatloaf is a human and not an actual meatloaf. Why would a human name himself after food? It makes no sense to this dog, but of course, few things the humans do make sense.
Onions have their own news show and they are about to go on strike. I suppose the onions think they aren't getting enough money. I suspect it is really because onions don't get the proper respect they deserve as a vegetable--if they are a vegetable--I'm not really sure what they are.
For those who are worried that the killer tomatoes are back, I have heard nothing about them in the news, but I would be careful because you never know when they are going to go on another killing spree. This is why Hollywood has made so many documentaries about the killer tomatoes. Be on the lookout for large, evil looking tomatoes. It is better to be safe than sorry.
Demon Flash Bandit (Commenting on Food News)
Showing posts with label fruits vegetables. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fruits vegetables. Show all posts
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Fruits and Vegetables: Innocent Victims
As a dog who feels the need to keep the public informed on important issues, today's subject is one that I feel particularly honored to share with my readers. This is a subject that has been ignored by the mainstream media, and I want my readers to remember--you read it here first by ace reporter, Demon Flash Bandit. I would like to thank Oliver Orange for being my informant on this blog. Oliver is being protected in the Witness Protection Program so I can mention his name and give him credit for his contribution.
One day I met Oliver, and Oliver was very upset. I asked him what happened to upset him so much, and it seems that Oliver's entire family had been robbed. Oliver wasn't a rich orange so I wondered why thieves would pick on him or his family. It was the Vitamin thieves. Yes, you read correctly--there are humans out there who go around stealing vitamins from innocent fruits and vegetables. In the case of Oliver, they were after the vitamin C the family had made for themselves. Now his relatives are walking around like mere shadows of their former selves. They are afraid to go off the tree at night. They are afraid to enjoy their orchard for fear of another theft. The plight of Oliver's family is not an isolated incident. There are vitamin thieves preying on fruit and vegetables everywhere. Recently I interviewed Ben Banana, and he had thieves steal both potassium and vitamin B from him. When he reported it to the police, they filled out a report, and told him that they would probably never find the culprits. I think this vitamin crime spree has gone on long enough and someone needs to form a special branch of the police to go after these villains. I've even got a name for them: Vitaroopers-short for vitamin troopers. I have written Bo Obama, first dog with this plan. I'm sure Obama will understand its importance and act on it quickly.
Demon Flash Bandit (Reporter)
One day I met Oliver, and Oliver was very upset. I asked him what happened to upset him so much, and it seems that Oliver's entire family had been robbed. Oliver wasn't a rich orange so I wondered why thieves would pick on him or his family. It was the Vitamin thieves. Yes, you read correctly--there are humans out there who go around stealing vitamins from innocent fruits and vegetables. In the case of Oliver, they were after the vitamin C the family had made for themselves. Now his relatives are walking around like mere shadows of their former selves. They are afraid to go off the tree at night. They are afraid to enjoy their orchard for fear of another theft. The plight of Oliver's family is not an isolated incident. There are vitamin thieves preying on fruit and vegetables everywhere. Recently I interviewed Ben Banana, and he had thieves steal both potassium and vitamin B from him. When he reported it to the police, they filled out a report, and told him that they would probably never find the culprits. I think this vitamin crime spree has gone on long enough and someone needs to form a special branch of the police to go after these villains. I've even got a name for them: Vitaroopers-short for vitamin troopers. I have written Bo Obama, first dog with this plan. I'm sure Obama will understand its importance and act on it quickly.
Demon Flash Bandit (Reporter)
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