Thursday, February 28, 2013

Movie Review: Zero Dark Thirty

Zero Dark Thirty is the movie that tells the "behind the scenes" story of the search for Osama Bin Laden after the terrorists attack on the World Trade Center in 2001.  The movie stars Jessica Chastain as Maya, the CIA operative who was the main force behind finding Bin Laden.  There was a cameo appearance by a dog on the Navy Seal team.  Although the humans may take credit for bringing Bin Laden to justice, I'm sure it was the dog who actually shot him.  Just yesterday, there was an item in the news about a dog in Frostproof, Florida who shot his owner in the leg by a gun that the human thought wasn't loaded.  The dog was not arrested and was released on his on redognizance.  However,  I'm sure that human won't be buying cheap treats for his dog in the future--if he knows what is good for him.  Anyway, the movie was okay, but it did get a bit boring at times because it showed a lot of the CIA agents working behind the scenes which is not particularly exciting.  If they had combined Zero Dark Thirty and the recent Die Hard movie (not that I particularly liked the latest Die Hard movie) , they could have wrecked 75 cars and had 50 shootings during the time the CIA agents were hanging out in the office.  I did think the movie had a chance of being interesting when they went to Area 51 (where the space aliens are supposed to hang out) to get some helicopters.  I thought, finally, they are going to check with the space aliens about the mission; but all they did was pick up some helicopters so it wasn't even remotely interesting.  I give this movie 4 paws up and a tail wag which would be about a 7.5 out of 10 on the human movie scale.  I might add that there is no way I would have given this movie an Oscar as best picture of the year.  It just wasn't good enough to get that title in my opinion.  Had they spent more time with the dog or the space aliens, it just might have been best picture material.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Auctions Can Be Exciting for the Humans

Many of the humans enjoy auctions, but I think some of them get a little too excited over them.  There is one person my humans knew years ago who went to an auction and he bought a chair.  He was so pleased with his purchase, and he was bragging about how he only paid $10. for the chair.  He said, "I would have paid $20, but my wife said, shut up and quit bidding because no one else is bidding".  This is why is it important for some of the humans to have a dog.  We dogs would not have been dumb enough to bid against ourselves.

Demon Flash Bandit (Smart Dog)

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Hoarding: Buried Alive--King Tut's Episode

Today I am going to share a passage from a day in Gahiji's diary.  For those who haven't read about Gahiji in my past blogs, Gahiji is an ancient Egyptian dog whose ancient diary I found at a garage sale--where a dog expects to find priceless antiquities. 

Today I stopped at the Papyrus stand to get a copy of  "Pharoah's Press".  I know some dogs buy it to read the news, but I was more interested in getting the television schedule.  Tonight a new show is airing called, Hoarding:  Buried Alive.  In  tonight's episode, they are going to deal with King Tutankhamun's hoarding issues in his pyramid.  King Tut even has 81 pairs of shoes in there, and I suspect that a dead person does not really need more than one pair.  Obviously, King Tut has a problem with hoarding.  You'd think he is putting stuff in there that will last him for thousands of years.  In fact, he got so out of paw with the hoarding, that he ended up actually being buried in there with his stuff.  I will share a photo with you of what the pyramid looked like when Carter first went in to discuss his hoarding issues with him:

The only problem I see with this episode is that, you know with him being the "king", he isn't going to want to listen to the people who try to help him.  I bet he continues his hoarding and won't throw out anything.

Gahiji (Ancient Egyptian Dog)

I always enjoy sharing a day in the life of Gahiji, the ancient Egyptian dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing a Diary Entry of Gahiji, Ancient Egyptian Dog)

Monday, February 25, 2013

Dreaming of Bacon

I've just written a new song...the song goes with the music for White Christmas.

Dreaming of Bacon

I'm Dreaming of a Bacon Sandwich.
Just like the one I found last week.
Where the bacon is crispy, and lettuce is absent.
I'm a dog, not a rabbit, as you can see.

I'm dreaming of a bacon sandwich
With every milkbone that I bite 
May the bacon be crispy and high fat
And may all my sandwiches have bacon!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dreaming of Bacon)

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Movie Review: A Good Day to Die Hard

This movie, A Good Day to Die Hard, is the latest sequel in the Die Hard movie franchise.  It stars Bruce Willis as John McClane, and Jai Courtney as his son, Jack McClane.  In this movie, John goes to Moscow, Russia to rescue his son who he thinks is in serious trouble only to find that his son is a well trained CIA agent.  I could not keep from thinking that if John McClane had put his gun down for 5 or 6 minutes during Jack's childhood, maybe he would have known his son better.  Of course, then he wouldn't have ended up in Russia and we wouldn't have had a new movie to watch so I guess it worked out for the best.  If you want to see a movie that combines car chases with lots of gunfire and destruction, then this is the movie for you.  Personally, this is not what I enjoy in a movie so it won't be getting as good a rating from me as many of the previous movies I've seen.  I give it 2 paws up which is about a 3.5 out of 10 on the human movie scale.  I'm sure that many of the humans will enjoy this movie, but they didn't even have the common sense to have a dog cameo to make the movie better.  Of course, judging from all the shooting, my guess is that no dog wanted to cameo in that particular movie just in case the shooting got out of paw, and the dog might be shot.  As usual, we dogs are always smarter than the humans. 

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Friday, February 22, 2013

Identifying Bad From Good Humans

I've been thinking about how much easier things would be in the world if you could tell the good humans from the bad humans.  After giving this idea some thought, as usual, my genius brain has come up with a solution.  This solution has already been used on old television westerns, but when something works, it works.  The answer is to require all the bad humans to wear "bad clothing" so you can tell them from the good humans.  Just look at the old westerns.  The bad guys always wore black hats while the good humans wore white hats.  Since baseball caps that say things are popular now, it is even easier to label the bad guys.  A hat can say, "I'm a thief" or "I'm a murderer" if you want to get more specific.  The hats can even say, "I'm a jerk" so that the humans who aren't necessarily bad, but are still not fun to be around can be identified ahead of time.  This would save a lot of time that is wasted on them at the present time.  In addition, some hats could say, "I'm cheap with dogs" so we dogs can know not to adopt them as our humans.  All that needs to be done is for the humans to pass a law requiring other humans to wear the special clothing so that we dogs can tell the humans apart.  Many dogs can tell by smelling the humans in question so this is mainly good for the humans who can't smell their way out of a paper bag.  Humans are definitely smell challenged!

Demon Flash Bandit (Telling the Difference Between Good and Bad Humans)

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Paul Newmans Organic Peanut Butter Treats

Today I am going to give a product review of a product I was given at Christmas by my pal, Raja.  The item is Newman's Own Organics Premium Dog Treats--Peanut butter flavor.  This product is made with barley flour, natural peanut butter, carrots, apples, ground chicken, blackstrap molasses, chicken fat, rolled oats, tumeric, nautral peanut flour, and rosemary extract.  No wheat or corn was used in this product.  This product is delicious and that is also the opinion of Angel Zoom Smokey although I am a much pickier eater than Angel so my endorsement means more.  The bags I received said best used by March 19, 2014, and they are gone already so there is no danger of them sitting around and going past their date--at least not with Angel Zoom Smokey and myself around.  This product was made because the Newman's dog wrote a tell-all book, and the Newman family was trying to quiet the dog from publishing the book.  I can tell you that if I wrote a tell-all book about my family and had to choose between eating this delicious treat and publishing my book, it would be a very difficult decision. 

My pal, Raja, who gave me these delicious treats, is a shih tzu, and has written a book called the Journey of the Shih Tzu-more information on the book can be found here:
Raja's book is a very well done book, and I would recommend it for dog lovers and particularly for those who love shih tzus. 

Be sure and pick up some of those Paul Newman's treats.  They are delicious!!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Product Reviewer)

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Psyched By Spongebob Squarepants

Today I have a new conspiracy theory to share with my readers which involves 2 television shows:  Pysch and Spongebob Squarepants.  One item that is in every Pysch show is a pineapple, and Spongebob Squarepants lives in a pineapple under the sea.  This dog does not think that the pineapple's prominent position in both shows is a coincidence.  Stores sell pineapples to unsuspecting individuals who bring them home thinking that they are good to eat.  Sure, some of them do get eaten, but what about the rest?  My theory is that they each possess video equipment so that they can send the videos back to the producers of Pysch and Spongebob Squarepants.  How do you think so many political candidates got caught doing things that were not good for their political careers?  I would wager that if you checked their homes, there would be an innocent looking pineapple sitting in their fruit basket trying to get as much information as possible to send to the pineapple hotline which in turn sends it to the television networks.  The next time you see a pineapple sitting on a desk, be careful what information you share because the detectives at Psych or Spongebob Squarepants could be listening,.  The worst thing that can happen is if your information gets to that neighbor of Spongebob who is always grouchy.  He passes the information onto spies from other countries with his clarinet solos.  I would suggest you avoid pineapples, and avoid watching shows that include pineapples!

Demon Flsah Bandit (Watch Those Pineapples)

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Spongebob Squarepants: Bad Influence on Humans!

My human Mommy has been watching a television program called Spongebob Squarepants.  Yes, I worry about her too.  I think the show is intended for children, yet she finds it humorous, and my brother Jeff actually owns it on blu-ray.   I'm sure some of you are thinking, Demon Flash Bandit, why are you concerned?  It doesn't sound like  a big deal that the humans like a kid's show.  However, there is good reason for me to be concerned.  Spongebob, as you might guess from his name, is a sponge.  When the humans decide to clean things, they often use a sponge.  This means that this show could create some kind of crazy notions in the humans that see it that there might be some things in their house that needs cleaning.  They might even get so crazy that they think of washing....THE DOG!!!  As my regular readers are aware, I am not fond of baths and I'm actually against them.  Getting a dog wet and using soap on a dog is cruel and goes against everything a dog stands for.  If that thought isn't bad enough, what if they decide to start cleaning the house?  Next to bathing a dog, that is one of the most annoying things the humans do with their lives.  Like cats, we dogs don't mind cleaning ourselves a bit with our tongues, but we do not go nuts with the concept, and we don't like our homes cleaned.  Just when a house starts to look and smell good, the stupid humans want to change it and take out all the interesting smells and the interesting things that cause those smells.  Isn't it bad enough that they take out the garbage when everydog knows that the garbage is just getting to the point where it is interesting?  This is why I'm against the Spongebob Squarepants show and believe humans should not be allowed to watch it.  It puts way too many bad ideas in their heads, and humans can't be trusted with too many ideas.  Their brains can't handle them!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Thinks Spongebob Squarepants is a Bad Influence on Humans)

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Ancient Aliens---A Dog's Viewpoint

My humans have been watching the television program, Ancient Aliens, and the program is always showing examples of things from the ancient world that could have some connections to extraterrestrials who visited Earth in ancient times.  Everytime I watch this program, I wonder why they don't ever mention Marvin the Martian who has appeared in Bug Bunny cartoons.  He is definitely an alien since he is from Mars.  It is a shame that none of the humans producing the show has ever discussed their ideas with their dogs or they would get a much more comprehensive view of the "extraterrestrials" subject.  Since the "aliens" who have visited the Earth look like humans in space suits, then they obviuosly are the aliens of less intelligence.  The higher intelligent aliens are dogs who are busy napping while they send their intellectual underlings to Earth to deal with the humans in ancient times. The humans on Earth were just too stupid for the dogs to have to deal with.   When the Earthlings reach a higher level of intelligence, then the dogs will come to Earth and start teaching the humans  the things they need to learn in order to survive.  Marvin the Martian looks like a bird so he is the kind of alien that the humans should avoid because birds are always evil.  There are no exceptions.  If the alien looks like a bird, then avoid that alien because that alien is dangerous!!! 

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Ancient Aliens)

Friday, February 15, 2013

Movie Review: Bullet to the Head

Bullet to the Head is a movie that stars Sylvester Stallone as a New Orleans hit man who loses a partner after being betrayed by the person who hired him to do a hit.  Sung Kang stars as a policeman.  This dog kept waiting for Sung to sing, but I guess his name is meant to confuse us dogs.  Wouldn't you think an actor named Sung would be in a musical?  I can only assume that the studio thought that a singing policeman and a singing hit man would not do well at the box office.  Although they are an unlikely pair, they become partners in order to get an extremely bad man.  If you enjoy action and shooting, then you should enjoy this movie.  I give it 4 paws up, a tail wag, and some kisses.  On the human movie scale, I would give it a 7 out of 10.  This dog would recommend it for those who like action type movies.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Romantic Advice for Valentine's Day

First I want to apologize for my absence on the blog.  My computer was hit by a virus, and it got sick.  I was having to use an older computer which is the "pony express" of computers, (except that pony express delivered mail a lot faster).  My humans have replaced the sick computer so now I can write my blog again. 

Since Valentine's day is tomorrow, I thought I would give some romantic advice to all the male dogs out there who want impress the lady dogs.  Last week, I noticed that the garbage can in the computer room was full and Angel Zoom Smokey was in the room so I decided to impress her.  I took a paw and knocked over the garbage. Yes, I could do it with only one paw.  I should have captured the moment on video since it was such a feat of strength.  Then I scattered the garbage over the entire room to show her that just because I'm a male dog does not mean that I don't have a talent for making a room look nice.  In a further feat of strength, I carried the garbage out to the hall.  I'm sure I don't have to explain to all the dogs reading this that Angel Zoom Smokey was putty in my paws after that. The human males usually buy cards, candy, and flowers for Valentine's Day, but I think that the women would be a lot more impressed if the male brought in some garbage.  I know I personally find garbage to be irresistable.  No wonder the humans have so many problems with love.  They don't even know how important garbage is to impress a possible mate.  Humans:  how do they survive without us dogs to help them?

Demon Flash Bandit (Dispensing Romantic Advice)

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Everyone Poops Except Demon Flash Bandit

Life around my house has been very exciting today.  I was in the news because I am suing the publishers of the book. Everyone Poops for slander and for hurting my image.  Since I do not poop, the book is erroneous in its title.  I am not interested in money (although some dingo bones would be nice).  Mainly I  want all future printing of the book to be titled, Everyone Poops Except Demon Flash Bandit.  This book was written by Taro Gomi, and has been translated into English, Spanish, and Thai which is one reason that the title is so important to me.  When a book has an erroneous title, and is translated into different languages, it makes it look like a non-pooping dog does poop to everyone in the world.    Just in case, the humans at Pet X in Howell, Michigan say that I pooped in their store after going to the veterinarian, pay no attention to those lies.  That was not me.  I was framed by the 3 pawed dog.  The humans even made a television program and a movie about the incident called Fugitive Pooper.  Of course, they left out the "Pooper" when it aired because they thought some of the humans might be offended by the entire title.  I have spent much of my life trying to track the fugitive pooper who made it look like I pooped in the store in an effort to ruin my reputation.  I hope that the case moves quickly in court because children who read the book need to know that everyone does poop--except  me, Demon Flash Bandit!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog who Does Not Poop)

Friday, February 1, 2013

Movie Review: Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

This movie stars Jeremy Renner as Hansel and Gemma Arterton as Gretel.  As in the classic fairy tale, Hansel and Gretel are left in the forest by their father, they find the witch's "candy" house, and end up killing the witch.  Unlike the classic fairy tale, the story is about them as adults.  As adults, they have become bounty hunters who hunt witches.  They are very good at their jobs, but then they run into an unusual situation.  A village hires them to find a lot of lost children, and they find that this time they are up against something more sinister than they usually encounter, and it has something to do with the up-coming "blood moon".   I give this movie 4 paws up, and a tail wag which is about a 6 1/2 on the human movie scale of 1 to 10.  I've got to go now because I want to take a walk through the forest by my house, and see if I can find a house made of candy.  This dog loves candy!!!  Sure, a candy house might not exist, but a dog does not want to take chances that one does.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)