Sunday, April 30, 2017

New Arrival

This dog is the latest new addition to our   family.  Humom said he is a Siberian Husky puppy, but I am an adult husky, and he is st least twice my height.  Perhaps he is the husky version of Clifford, the big red dog of children"s literary fame.  So far, he has not caused any trouble.  He just sits in the rocking chair in the living room.

The last time the humans got a new dog was when they got Angel Zoom Smokey. I got in the car and we headed for Wellsville, Ohio.  I love to ride in the car and go places so it was a wonderful adventure for me. I assumed we were going on  a vacation.  I always accompanied them on family vacations because I am family.  😎.   It was not a vacation. But it was a trip to pick up  Angel Zoom Smokey.   We got to a house where  Angel lived.  I entered the house, and Humom had driven there to buy Angel.  Angel immediately started  yapping at me and she hasn't stopped yet.  She is a typical bitch-always yapping about something.  I was not consulted on Angel:s arrival.  It was a shock to me when they put  her in our minivan.  I was perfectly happy being an only dog.  I don',t mind her now. But she is a diva.  One time last year she refused to go outside because it had snowed, and she didn't like getting her paws wet and cold.  I almost turned her into the Siberian Husky Association.  What self respecting husky gets upset over a wet, cold paw.

So far, the new giant husky hasn't bothered me so he can stay.  It would be nice if the humans had asked for my opinion.  I am more intelligent than the humans. Thus my opinion should be valued. Anyway, the new dog is okay so far.  Humom has not named him yet.  Maybe that is a good sign.

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, April 28, 2017


My rules for eating gingerbread cookies:

Gingerbread is a tasty treat, but it can be difficult to enjoy.  That is because many gingerbread cookies are "gingerbread men".  Gingerbread men tend to rum away before you can eat them.  I guess I can't blame them.  I would probably run too.  Being baked in an oven can't be fun. Being on a menu is not something to which anyone would want either.   This is why I am writing this blog.  I like to share my insights with my fellow dogs and any human! s who might be reading this. There is a story most people kmow. It is  the story of a little old lady who made the first gingerbrlad man.  He  is a smartalect who runs away from the little old lady and the little old man., and other farm animals that want to eat him.    Finally he gets eaten by a clever fox.

Back to my  gingerbread situation.  Humom bought some gingerbread cookies and put them into a cabinet where a dog can smell them.  I opened the cabinet to help myself to one.  This is when I discovered that they were gingerbread girls.  Most of my regular readers know that I live with Angel Zoom Smokey, and she is a bitch.  Therefore   I was one with the clever fox.  I ate her legs so she could not run.  The moral of this blog is that bitches annoy a he-man dog like me.

I hope my readers have a pleasant day!

Demon Flash Bandit.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Unwelcome Spider

Ad usual, I have been doing my duty as a dog to guard the humans from harm.  Most of the time, things are quiet around here.  Today we hut threat level spider.  There was a spider in my territory acting like he owns the place.   I could have taken care of the interloper, but I alerted my human brother, William.  Normally I don't like the vacuum cleaner,  but the look on that spider's face was hilarious!  I doubt that he saw the humor in his situation, but I thought it was very funny.  I took him out of the vacuum and put him out on the porch to send a message to other spiders that they are not welcome.

Many of you are probably wondering about the size of the spider.  Hr was about 20 feet long with giant legs and an ugly face that makes a dog want to smack him.  Of course, if you smack him, you would have to touch him with your paw.  I don't want spider germs on my paw.    I know some of you might ask how a spider that big with a vacuum cleaner, but it is a special magical vacuum.  It can stretch to hold spiders.  I hope my readers will invest in a magical vacuum.  They come in handy.

Demon Flash Bandit

Tuesday, April 25, 2017


Hold the presses!  I have always wanted to say that, and now I have the opportunity.   It is possible that there will be a writer's strike.  This would affect my summer television viewing.  Some of the humans might say that a dog needs fresh air and should not be sitting around watching tv.  They are wrong.  During hot weather, a dog should rest inside under the air conditioner.   In fact, one summer day every year should be set aside to honor the man who invented air conditioners.  He is my hero!

Demon Flash Bandit

Monday, April 24, 2017

Big Foot Discovered

I am pleased to announce that Big Foot and his family are alive and well.  In fact, they are doing commercials for a mattress cover. Here is the link:

Demon Flash Bamdit

Sunday, April 23, 2017

McDonalds New Uniforms

In an effort to increase sales and have a more modern looking workforce, McDonalds has turned to the fashion industry to update their uniforms.   Unlike past uniforms, employees would be proud to wear them outside of work.  Do the people running McDonalds have a clue as to what their potential customers are thinking?  The new uniforms are just as lame as any they have had in the past.  Clothing preferences are a matter of opinion. By the way, this dog was not impressed with the look of the new ones.  I will sum it up in one word, DRAB.  It is a shame that a company that should pay its workers higher wages puts money into "designer" uniforms.  McDonalds would have more customers if they put more money into the food, not fashion.   I have yet to hear a dog say I go to McDonalds ( or any other restaurant) because of the dress of the employees.  They go there to EAT.  I think finding more qualified employees  and hiring enough to do the job properly is more important than what the employees wear to work.  Since puppyhood, I have always been an unpaid spokesdog for Burger King.  I love their food.

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, April 21, 2017

Humom is Home

Hallelujah!!!  The humom is home from the hospital.  Angel and I were concerned about her care.  I checked the hospital registry, and there was not one dog on staff.  Yes readers, my mom was being cared for by humans!!!   However, I must give credit when credit is due; and the humans did a good job.   Humom is feeling better.

Sir E. Bunny left humom a white chocolate bunny, and treats for us.  I knew the bunny would come through as always.  I hope my readers treated the bunny cordially.  He is a great guy!

I have to take care of mom now. Hopefully, mom will be able to type my next entry.

Demon Flash Bandit

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Happy Easter!

Angel and I are very upset over  the care our humom is receiving at the human hospital.   It is not st the small local hospital.  The ambulance took her to the big hospital.  As of this moment, the drs.  have not reached out to me as a consultant.    I am humom's main  Dr.  So I should be consulted before they even say herro  thumom!  Head nurse Angel Zoom Fuzzybutt is also insulted.  My brothers said mom is okay so I hope they are correct.

I do hope everyone had a nice Easter.

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, April 14, 2017

Humom is in Hospital.

Keep sending those prayers!  Humom is in the hospital.  She has the flu and possibly pneumonia. Yes, she had both flu
and pneumonia shots.  With luck like hers, I think my readers will understand why she doesn't buy many lottery tickets.
I will keep you up to date on yhe treat situation. My brothers better give them out generously.

Demon Flash Bandit

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Gone Fishing

Before I write my blog, I want to thank my readers for the prayers for humom.  She sends her thanks also.  She is feeling better.  She is getting antibiotics when she gets dialysis now.

I had a delightful day.  I took Angel Zoom Smokey's paw and we went fishing.  It was a first time for Angel, but I went once before so I am a seasoned veteran.  We got our fishing poles, and headed for the water.  The weather was perfect.  We entered the automatic doors, and headed straight toward the seafood section we cast our fishing poles into the water.  Each of us caught 2 lobsters so we will high off the fish tonight.  I must add that God, in his infinite wisdom was wise to put rubber bands around their claws.  A dog could get hutt if the claws are free.

Demon Flash Banditq

Grayhound Subsidies Should be for Grayhounds.

Do the humans ever make sense?  The state of West Virginia gives a $15,000,000. subsidy to the humans who race Grayhound dogs.  The subsidy is given because the races are not a viable business.  Basically, the state is.paying money to keep dog racing going because it makes no profit.  The dogs are being forced to run after a rabbit instead of being able to relax and be a dog!   I think West Virginia should follow most of the other States and make dog racing illegal.   If the state wants to give away $15,000,000, why not buy $15,000,000 worth of milkbones.

Demon Flash Bandit

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

My Blog

My humom has been sick for a couple of days; and because I am such a delightful employer, I have not told her that my speeches aren't going to type themselves.   I am asking my readers to pray for humom.  I love her so much, and she love me!  Thanks in advance for the prayers

Demon Flash Bandit

Monday, April 10, 2017

Goodbye Sweet Mishka

I prefer to write about pleasant subjects so my readers can enjoy a few minutes of peace.  This world is not always a pleasant place.  Howevetr, it is with great sadness that I must write that Mishka, the celebrity talking Siberian huskey has crossed over the rainbow bridge.  She had her own YouTube channel, and she was on Google's ads for a long time.  She did talk shows and was well known on the Internet.  My family and I am very sad.  Humom has been following her for years.  I will close this by saying, goodbye sweet Mishka, test in peace.  I will also share one of her videos.

Demon Flash Bandit

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Dog Jack is a movie I watched that would have received an academy award if dogs were on the academy.  This story is inspired by teal life events.   A  young man flees from slavery, and takes his dog with him   He and his dog signed up to be in s Pennsylvania regiment during the Civil War .Jack (the dog's name, Spoiler Alert;  the U.S. army (northern  side).   The dog is so special that the Pennsylvania regiment was willing to trade a Confederate soldier for Jack.  If you ask my opinion, and everyone does, those humans were smart humans.  Dogs are always superior to the humans, but they don' like to admit it.


Saturday, April 8, 2017

Typical Day Off

Many of my readers have expressed interest in knowing about   my activities and those of  Angel Zoom Smokey' also..  I will describe what happened today.  I had to get up early today because humom had to go in for dialysis.  Therefore, I was up at the ungodly time of 8:30 AM.  It is ungodly because God does not get up until 9:30 AM at the earliest.  Think about it:  if you were the big boss, would you get up early?

I got to lick the breakfast plates.  The melted butter is delicious.  Angel was still asleep so I got to lick both plates.  When you snooze, you lose.

When humom left for dialysis,  it was time for me to nap.  After humom got home, I had to walk my brother.  Then Angel had to walk my brother too.  If it weren't for Angel and me my brothers would not get any exercise.  I watched TV for  awhile until it was time for bed.  This is a typical day off.  Most days I am busy doing important things, but a dog needs an occasional day to relax and lick the melted butter.

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, April 7, 2017

New Flavor of Ding Dongs

On my continuing mission to keep my fellow dogs informed of the important events that shape a dog's life, this is huge.  Yesterday my brother brought humom a new product called white fudge ding dongs.  Humom took a   bite and was transported into ding dong paradise.  By the way,  humom  noticed that the cakes are smaller than they were before Hostess sold their company a few years ago.   Humom did not approve of the sale, but she really loves ding dongs.  They looked so  delicious so,  naturally, I had to beg for some.  She gave me a couple of bites, and they tasted as delicious as they look.   I am going to add a box for me onto humom's grocery list.  She will think she put it on the list herself. Humans are easy to trick!

Demon Flash Bandit (Food Taster).

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Chia Trump

For those of you out there who, like myself have wondered what President Trump would look like without the dead squirrel on his head, you need wonder no more.  Now you can own a bust of Donald Trump from the company  that brought you  chia pets.  In fact, there are several other famous busts if you  want to start a chia pet collection.  If you voted for Trump, having this bust will be the holy grail of chia collectors.  Can you imagine attending a  Chio Fan convention in the future and have to see that you don't have the most valuable chia ever made- Trump?    The chia manufacturers won't guarantee that it will go up in value, but none of the other chias have done so.  Meanwhile, you can sit at your dinner table across from Trump, and you can discuss matters of great importance like the proper way to put ketchup on a steak.  Here is a link to  chia sites.

Demon Flash Bandit

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Demon Discusses Fairy Tales

As a dog who takes educating the humans very seriously. I have decided to discuss early human puppy education and development.  Watch for my textbook which will be on sale at university bookstores everywhere.   The subject I plan to discuss today is the bedtime stories to which the human puppies are exposed.  Mother Goose has been compiling these stories for years.  Perhaps those stories are good for baby geese, but I can assure you that only geese have goose moms.  My mother was a black and white husky with blue eyes like me.  In fact, my dad was also a handsome black  and white husky with blue eyes.   My mother was not a goose!  I have never met a human puppy whose mother happened to be a goose.  Yet every night many youngsters hear these stories with little research done on the impact the stories have on their little lives.  I will give an example and follow with my own personal view.

Humpty Dumpty sat Jon a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again

Really?  When Humpty broke, the dogs yapped for breakfast because Humpty was an egg.   Scrambled eggs for everyone!

Little Moiss Muffet sat on a tuffet eating her curds and whey
Along came s spider who sat down beside her and frightened Miss Muffet away.

This one is complicated.  Was she lterally a little girl being punished with a time out in the corner where she was forced to eat something disgusting?  Instead of admitting her disobedience was to blame a non existent spider as the reason she left the corner and refused to eat the slop she was given?  Of course that  is what  people were supposed to believe.
It was really a coded message involving troop movement that is classified.  Since it has remained  classified for centuries.  I refuse to be the one who leaks the secret.

By the way, what is a tuffet?

Demon Flash Bandit

Monday, April 3, 2017

Pyramid Discovered

According to the news, a new pyramid has been found in Egypt.    I do not see how that is possible.  The pyramids wete built a long time ago so it isn't new.  I am not suggesting that it is impossible to build a new one, but I think people would know about it.  A project that size is hard to hide.  Coincidentily, I came across a show on YouTube  featuring a man stacking bricks.  Perhaps hr was building a pyramid, but considering  that he had only stacked about 12 bricks, I guess that show will be on for a long time if he builds a pyramid.

A pyramid is supposed to be filled with treasure.  I am sure it is full of milkbones, rawhide bones, and squeaky toys.  The Egyptians used to  put everything that would be needed in the afterlife.  Sometimes the treasures are stolen by grave robbers.  Some of yhr pyramids were filled with useless gold and gems.  I have no idea why they would bother with silly stuff.

Demon Flash Bandit

Sunday, April 2, 2017


The latest news from the business world:  Caterpillar Inc. Is closing it's Aurora, Illinois plant. This action will  leave 800 people without jobs. I'll admit I was surprised to learn that caterpillars are manufactured by the humans.  I thought they were natural worm type creatures.  I also did not think that humans were capable of making something as beautiful as a butterfly.   Never let it be said that this dog doesn't admit when the humans can do something amazing.  My heart goes out to the humans who will be put out of work.  I hope they find equivalent or better jobs.  Wasn't the squirrel hair guy supposed to stop that sort of thing.  I asked humom, and she said most human politicians don't keep promises.  This is why dogs should be running things.  For further information about caterpillars go to this link:

Demon Flash Bandit

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Pied Piper According to Demon Flash Bandit

Once upon a time, in ancient Germany, there was a town in which humans and rats shared living quarters.    This went on for many years.  However, the relationship became strained because the humans decided that the rats were dirty and disgusting.  Truth be told, the rats felt the same way about the humans, but the rats were too polite to complain.  The humans hired the Pied Piper Pest Removal Company.  You may have seen their logo on one of their trucks.  The company is owned and operated by a family of birds.  Their motto is "we will sing your pests away.  The humans hired them to get rid of the rats.  As you may have guessed, the birds songs were worthless.  Finally, they called in a dog consultant.  He sent in some cats, and the rat problem was solved.  The morals to this fairy tale are:
1.  Never hire a bird.
2.  If you want something done properly, hire a dog.

Demon Flash Bandit