Saturday, April 30, 2016

Movie Review: Bingo

Today I am reviewing a movie made back in 1991.  That movie is  Bingo.  Bingo is a circus dog who ran away from the circus.  I've heard that years ago, kids would occasionally talk about running away to join the circus.   Where do kids want to run now?  Perhaps it is the parents who run away now.  However, this is a movie about dogs-not about teenagers.  The ones who have been brought up with a dog are okay.  Children need dogs to train them.  When you tell a teen to sit, and that teen refuses, that is a teen who was not raised with a dog's guidance.

However, this blog is not about the behavior of teenagers.  I got off-topic chasing squirrels, but what dog can resist a good squirrel chase?  This was a fun movie to watch.  I give it 4 paws up, many tail wags, and a kiss.  Humom enjoyed it too.  I don't mean to spoil the movie, but the one scene when humans were holding dogs captive,  and Bingo escaped and let out the other dogs.  The group promptly caged their human captors.  Humom laughed as much as Angel and myself.  If you like dogs (and who doesn't?), this is an entertaining movie.  Because it is an older movie, it is cheap to buy if you can't get it on streaming service.  Humon's was on a DVD with 3 other dog movies and it was $5 or$6.  Normally she buys blurays, but I don't think these movies are available on bluray.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Illegal Alien Birds

Today was a good day for Angel and myself.  William went out today, and came home with Burger King bacon double cheeseburgers for us.  I suspect he is trying to make up for confiscating my food earlier in the week.  I have already forgiven him, but if he thinks I'm still mad, he might bring us another batch of bacon double cheeseburgers. Therefore, he doesn't have to know he is forgiven.

The humans in the USA keep complaining about illegal aliens taking their jobs.  As usual, the humans are obsessed with work.  If an alien wants to come and pull a sled for me, I am happy.  It gives me more time to nap.  My only real concern with aliens is that they can fly here from distant planets so are they my dreaded enemy, the BIRDS?

Demon Flash Bandit (Bird.Hater)

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

My Stuff is My Stuff

What does a dog have to do to keep the humans out of my stuff?  I always keep a cache of goodies hidden where the humans can't or shouldn't find it.  Since humom can't do much physical labor anymore, it is my brothers who do the cleaning.  They aren't obsessive about cleaning which works for this dog.  Who would expect William to clean under humom's bed?  I had an unopened box of Hersheys cereal, a bonus size box of granola bars, half a bag of chocolate covered donuts,and some individually wrapped peanut butter crackers.  These were items that were just sitting in the kitchen cabinets which I learned to open  when I was a puppy.  That talent comes in handy because these are not items the humans normally share with me.  Now I have to gather new food and find a hiding place for it.  Why can't the humans leave a dog's stuff alone?

Demon Flash Bandit (Disappointed Dog)

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Silly Humans: Thinking is for Dogs

As a general rule, I try to avoid talking about some humans who, in my opinion, just want attention.  When a puppy does something negative just for attention, a wise adult dog ignores the puppy.  The same thing goes for humans.  However, occasionally, a dog has to bark about some of the really silly humans even if they deserve no attention.  I consider Sarah Palin to be a leader on that list.  There were some rumors that she was going to have a debate on global warming with Bill Nye, the science guy.  Can you imagine a human who doesn't acknowledge that birds are behind global warming?  Sadly, most humans do not see the connection even after I have issued so many warnings on the subject.  As I write this, the horrible season of spring is here.  My delightful snow has been stolen, and the smartalect birds who took it are singing  happily about the theft.  I don't even  like the subject of science, but I respect scientists. Ever since the first Chinese Crested dog decided to try Franklin's experiment with electricity, some of them have become hairless.  I'm glad the debate was just a silly rumor because the humans in politics look silly enough at election time.  They don't need help to look stupid.  They do a great job of it on their own.

Demon Flash Bandit (Wise Dog)

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Pirate Jack Schnauser's Treasure Found

I am pleased to announce that I've been a very lucky dog.  My humom bought a box of Dingo bones direct from the Dingo company. At least that is what I originally thought.   Imagine my happiness when I found a box with 18 large Dingo bones inside it.  I felt like I had found pirate Capt. Jack Schnauser's lost treasure.  I can't even begin to tell you how excited I was with the find.  It turns out it was his treasure.   All dogs are told the story of Capt Jack when we are wee puppies.  The legend that many years ago, he had sailed the Great Lakes plundering bones from other ships.  Birds hated him, and squirrels and chipmunks feared him.  Even sharks Stayed out of his way.  For years, I have heard the story of how the police dogs were after him so he hid his bones on a small uninhabited island on one of the lakes.  Then he disappeared into history. No one knows what happened to him.  To this day dogs still dog to find his treasure.

Things were going well until the humans found my stash.  They confiscated my bones and said I had to share with Angel.  Humans are always stealing a dog's fun.

Demon Flash Bandit (Treasure Finder)

Saturday, April 16, 2016

Silly Humans: Let the Dogs do the Thinking

You can fool some of the humans all the time, you can fool all the humans some of the time, but you can't fool a dog!  A poet named Lydgate adapted this which was found  at an archaeological sight in Egypt.  It is credited to Larry Labrodor, the cave dog.  However, it could have been written by Gahiji because, after reading his diary in my collection of famous dog diaries, I know he was a very wise dog.  Lincoln also adapted it for the humans.

The reason I thought of this is because, once again, the humans are having a controversy over yet another thing which seems silly to me.  Evidently, the humans have problems distinguishing whether they are male or female.  We dogs have more sense, I know I'm a male dog, and when I have to pee, there is no controversy, and news crews don't need to cover the event.  I walk outside, find a tree, fire hydrant, or the car's tires.  This signifies that those items are mine.  We do get upset if a squirrel or chipmuk has tried to mark our restroom, but we pee over the smell to let them know a dog is in charge of the area.

I don't know how my humans feel about it because I haven't asked their opinion.  These are the same humans who think I should pee outside with no privacy no matter what the weather.  I have no respect for their opinions on the matter.  Besides, as I said earlier, they are easy to fool.

Demon Flash Bandit (Observant Dog)

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Upcoming Children's Art Contest.

I have good news for puppies and Human puppies who want to enter a contest.  I have written a book which needs illustrations with Angel and me in them.  I have decided that humom is not going to illustrate my book.  That drawing on top of this blog is a husky dog drawn by humom.  Yeah, I think you can understand why she isn't going to be the artist for my book.  She is not only artistically challenged, but she is even stick people art challenged.  My brothers can draw, but they don't have the time.  Therefore, I am asking for children 12 or under to send me your drawing of a Siberian husky.   The 10  chosen will get a $10.00 gift certificate from Amazon.  If you are chosen, you will draw a picture that will be used in my book.  You will also be given credit for your illustration.  If the book gets published, you can also see your name  printed in a book.  Isn't that cool?   Yes, Amazon does sell stuff for dogs.  I'm waiting on some Better Than Ears treats that should arrive soon.

I will have further details in future blogs.  I just couldn't wait to give my readers the good news.

Demon Flash Bandit (Writer)

Monday, April 11, 2016

Warning Humans Warning

Hollywood does produce much entertainment, and it gets some well deserved criticism at times.  In addition to great movies, some are just plain bad.  Soldiers Tinker Tailor Humans got a -100 from my scale of 1 to 10-1 being the worst.  The only thing the actors did on that show was smoke cigarettes.  If you find watching humans smoke cigarettes entertaining, then this is a must see film.  Hollywood does make occasional documentaries as a public service.  In past blogs and diary entries, I have written about the documentary series, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.

I am very upset with my humom because she went on Amazon and ordered tomato seeds.  The worst thing is she ordered heirloom old German tomatoes.  They are in the house now, and they are growing as I write this blog.  I can hear them plotting to take over the Polish sausage and Polish ham I planted last year.  What happens when they meet with some killer cabbage
 I am automatically suspicious of cabbage.  You know cabbage can go bad.  One sniff of sauerkraut and you know it is up to no good
I don't like sausage or hot dogs so the tomatoes and cabbage can have them.  I draw the line at ham and bacon.  Do I hear a woof woof from the audience?  Wishing you a vegetable free summer!8

Demon Flash Bandit (Warning Humans)

Saturday, April 9, 2016

Martha Stewart Gone Wild

I just received the copy of the Martha Stewart"s Gone Wild" bluray.  I have been waiting with great anticipation for it to arrive.  Getting the opportunity to see what Martha Stewart can make out of objects she finds in the wild has to be great video.  On her show, she once gathered twigs so she could make a picture frame. It has to be an inspiration for the poor and homeless to realize that they too can own a picture frame.  It is no longer an object for the wealthiest of humans.  In fact, there are a lot more interesting items from which to make the frame.  The dumpster is like a craft store that doesn't charge.  With a frame purchased for $1.00 at a dollar store, some glue, and some imagination, that frame will be the envy of all the dogs who see it.   Humans so jealous, they will make fun of it.  However we know they want one too.  Imagine a banana peel frame?   For those willing to invest a little extra cash, you can glue uncooked macaroni  on the frames.  I think one with fruit flavored (for color) Cheerios glued on sold for $50,000 at an art auction.  I suppose that is how Martha  became wealthy.  She used wisdom.and creativity.  I heard she got her television show because after 4 hours in the woods, she built a stone house, made stick furniture,  hooked up electricity and plumbing, and had an open house party.  What an accomplishment!   In addition, she has made another "gone wild" video about animal rescue with a bunch of adorable baby seal pups.  Just type Martha Stewart Gone Wild into a search engine to watch it.  I am leaving you with this suggestion:  don't be jealous of people with interesting picture frames.  Make your own.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Ideas)

Friday, April 8, 2016

You Ain't Nothing but a Chipmunk

How many of my readers are familiar with the old television series, The Beverly Hillbillies, which aired about 50 years ago.  It was an entertaining show, and the humans on the show were good actors.  However, there is one character on that show who did an outstanding job.  Of course. I will tell you who he is: he is Duke, the hound dog.  Duke always gave a very regal performance on the show.  He graced the scenes with so much elegance whether he was napping or had to get up and walk around with Jed.  His name probably was not in the credits because, back then, dogs were often treated like animals.  Modern credits are longer than the show, and even feature the vendors who sold vegetables to the caterers.  Rumor has it that, within a decade, the credits will include credits for the audience.  Even Mrs. Drysdale's pampered poodle did not outdo old Duke.

Hounds were not "fancy dogs" like poodles.  Hounds were loyal companions to the humans.  Elvis Presley did not help the situation with his song, "You Ain't Nothing but a Hound Dog".  Why not "You Ain't Nothing but a Chipmunk or Squirrel"?

Music did become more understanding when the Beatles sang, "Its been a hard day's Night, and I've been working like a dog". When the Monkees sang, "I'm Gonna Buy me a Dog"........I still choke up when I hear that song!

I will close this blog by saying that Duke paved the way for future generation of dogs.  We love you Duke!

Demon Flash Bandit (Admirer of Duke)

Thursday, April 7, 2016

The Laborer is Worthy of his Pay

I don't mean to brag, but I have the perfect job.  I am given cool toys and treats, my food is brought to me by the humans, and I can nap whenever I please.  This is why I don't understand why the humans are yapping so much about fast food workers being unskilled.  As far as this dog is concerned, making food is a noble calling.  I call it God's work. It is a job that I would be proud to do.  In.fact, when I was a puppy, I tried to climb out of the car to get  inside through the drive thru window. stopped  me and told me they weren't hiring at that time
I think they could have used my help because earlier in the week, there were 3 cars in front of us so it took about 10 minutes to get my food.  Did I complain?  No, I did not.  However I did use my paw to blow the horn before my humans could stop me.  Obviously, I was not happy with the service.
Why so many of the humans get upset over a pay raise for fast food workers is beyond my comprehension.  If the job requires so little skill and work, why not just make a burger at home?  Even my brother Jeff, who does the cooking since Mom is no longer able to do so made some delicious burgers last week.  I know Angel and I had some.  My humans had salmon filets yesterday, and Mommy loved them. They did not share with the dogs, but that is because we won't eat fish.  Why would I eat food that is swimming around in its own poop.
Speaking of poop, not everyone can get a job cleaning septic tanks, but I know dogs would do it volunteerily just for fun.  What dog wouldn't want the job? In addition to the delightful aroma when you open the lid on the tank, Afterward, you get to drive around in a truck full of poop which makes you the envy of every dog who smells the truck pass.

My only conclusion is that most of the world's wealth is in the paws of a few very wealthy humans.  It is in their best interest to keep the poorer dogs jealous of every cent the other one gets.  It seems to me that paying more would allow them to hire employees who can do the job quickly and not mess up so many orders. It reminds me of a story mama dog used to tell me at bed time.
Once upon a time, 2 cats were fighting over one little fish.  Meanwhile the fat cat had a freezer full of fish.  They were so busy concentrating on the one fish, the fat cat took all the rest.  I expect behaviour like that from cats, but not from dogs.  We dogs are smarter than cats.  Personally, I think if humans were paid for doing a good job, I think many of the humans would be unemployed in all lines of work.
This is why I need your vote.  I have dog sense.  Humans are too jealous and illogical.  By the way, do humans understand the "paid by the hour concept?

Demon Flash Bandit (My Opinion)

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

New Episode: Lawsuits from Beyond the Grave

Today in the latest episode of my new television series, "Lawsuits from Beyond the Grave", I submit, Thomas Edison versus Apple-the computer people.  Apple is being sued because Apple's phone is infringing on several of Edison's patents.  Since I am of the dog species, I have never been to Edison's Menlo Park lab which used to be in New Jersey.  Henry Ford and Edison were friends, and Ford had Edison's compound moved to Greenfield Village in Dearborn, MI.  My humans have been there many times.  However, dogs like me aren't allowed.  When I become president, I will put a stop to that kind of treatment towards dogs.  The amazing point to this tirade is that many of his inventions are there including the lightbulb, but there is not one cell phone in the compound-except the ones owned by visitors.  I am wondering if I can film an episode of Alexander Graham Bell versus cell phone companies. However, the Edison versus Apple case is happening in real life.  You can look it up on the Internet.   I did not make it up.  Edison's great great great granddaughter is suing Apple.

Meanwhile, Gog is suing all companies that make things with wheels for infringing on his patent.  Yes, they had patents back then.  Drawings from that time  period are scattered in patent caves scattered all over the world.  I bet a lot of my readers had no idea Gog invented the wheel.  He discovered that, when you smooth the corners of a square. The resulting circle made moving stuff easier.
He is considered the most innovative inventor of his time.

Demon Flash Bandit (TV Producer and Director)

Monday, April 4, 2016

Movie Review: The Adventures of Pepper and Paula

It is time for me to share a movie review.  Today's lucky movie is "The Adventures of Pepper and Polly".    This movie was made in 2015, and it stars a dog whose name is Pepper, and Mindy Raymond as pistol packing Paula.

Paula works for a small western attraction that features Paula stopping the bad guys.  Pepper was a stray dog Paula took in.  Humom said it reminds her of a local attraction  she and dad took my family to every summer, Stagecoach Stop.  My brothers loved it.  They had a train ride and robberies.  Humom said my brother Robert, used to.dress in his cowboy hat, long sleeved shirt, and blue jeans even in temperatures of 90 F+.  Daddy bought him 2 toy guns which he used to help shoot the villians.  I'm sure the sheriff appreciated his help.  The place is no longer operating so I never got to go there.  This movie brought back many pleasant memories for my humans.  It is a shame that so many small attractions get replaced by huge theme parks.  This dog thinks there is room for both types.

Angel and myself enjoyed this delightful movie, and recommend it to any dog who wants some entertainment.  I give it 4 paws up, kisses, my chicken dog toy, and several tail wags.  This is a must see movie!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Sunday, April 3, 2016

Angel Zoom Smokey Gets a Thundercoat

I have not meant to neglect my blog, but I have been busy with my presidential campaign.  Kissing puppies and shaking paws takes more time than you would think.  I.have also had to spend some time listening to the barking from other candidates.  There is one important thing that I will do my best to enact.   I would make all expenses related to caring for a dog to be tax deductible.  These items include veterinary care  food, treats, toys, bones, and dog houses (even if the humans live in the house with the dog).    I think I am accurate when I say that none of the other candidates have mentioned where they stand on dog related issues.

A miracle has occured with Angel Zoom Smokey.  Whenever there is a thunderstorm, Angel.starts trying to hide from it.  She gets on top of furniture or under it.  The humans were afraid she would possibly injure herself.  Mom decided to buy her a thundercoat which is approved by the American Kennel Club.  She said it was probably a waste of money because Angel has run away from dog clothes since she was a puppy.  Even I wondered how she knew they were for her, .but evidently, she has a sixth sense that involves doggy fashion. WHen the cost arrived in the mail, she was actually I.interested in it.  She allowed the humans to put it on her, and she has been wearing it for 4 days now.  She refuses to let them take it off.  When she is wearing it, she is calmer.  Humom recommends the jacket to anyone whose dog is anxious.  Angel said it is like getting a perpetual .tummy rub, and she loves tummy rubs!

Demon Flash Bandit (Campaigning)