Saturday, July 31, 2010

Dogs Are the Brains Behind Their Humans

I was reading about the legendary character in United States history, Johnny Appleseed, who travelled the frontier (which at that time was Ohio and surrounding area), planting apple trees. How many of these legends give credit to his faithful dog who accompanied him on his journey? A dog is never mentioned in the stories about him, but I contend that it was only natural that he had a dog to keep him company and to dig the holes where he planted his trees. If I were Johnny Appleseed, I would have named the dog Appledog. Perhaps Johnny would have come up with a more imaginative name, but if he had a dog, the dog does not get any credit for his or her efforts to help Johnny Appleseed, a fact which is typical. The dog does the work and the humans take the credit. Johnny was actually named John Chapman, and he did exist and plant many apple trees, and I'm sure the humans who benefited from eating those apples appreciated his efforts. It would be nice if dogs were remembered for our efforts instead of having the humans act like it was their idea. You know most humans wouldn't have enough sense to come in out of the rain if their dog didn't tell them to. I'm a dog so I know.

Demon Flash Bandit (Appledog is a Nice Name)

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Gator Bed Bugs

I have been reading on the news about the recent infestation of bed bugs at some hotels in the United States. Bed Bugs are the human equivalent of fleas, and I have to tell you that I have yet to meet a dog who liked a flea. They are annoying little parasites that are probably related to birds. The whole problem with bed bugs is that the humans don't have a product like Frontline to zap those nasty bed bugs, and they would look so silly walking around with bed bug collars around their necks. Of course, if the collars could be made into jewelry that is decorative enough, many of the humans would wear it. However, if these products even existed, it would not really solve the whole bed bug problem any more than dogs using products like these have eradicated fleas from the Earth. However, there is no need for despair, as usual, Demon Flash Bandit has a simple and easy answer to this whole problem. Since most of the problem seems to be that the bugs are brought here from other places, the solution is in keeping them from reaching the shores of the United States in the first place. Because people in the United States do not like to use chemicals on bugs anymore than necessary, you have to get to the problem in the beginning. Before I get to that, there will be a quick history lesson so that you can understand how I came to my conclusion about going after bed bugs.

Many years ago, the United States was inhabited by Americans. These are the people who belong to such groups as Sons and Daughters of the Pre-Revolutionary Americans, and The Sons and Daughters of Those Who Met the Pilgrims at their Boat. The Pilgrims, and later other people from Europe came to the United States (which only had 3 states at that time---happy, sad, and bored) to enjoy a leisurely vacation cruise (they came on ships so it was the original cruise line vacation). The glitch in this arrangement was that the Europeans brought small pox with them, and caused a major problem which actually killed many of the Americans at that time. If Demon Flash Bandit had been around at that time, I would have used my bed bug method and there would never have been a small pox epidemic.

I know you are curious now....I know most of you are thinking, Demon Flash Bandit, what is your method? My method is to fumigate every person visiting the United States at the airport before they step off the plane. Sure, a couple of dogs have asked me, isn't this exposing the people to hazardous chemicals unnecessary. My answer is: this is a war against bed bugs and you have to get them before they get you. I would not be surprised if birds caused the whole problem and those bed bugs are their relatives. (I think they are related to fleas too.) This means that war on birds should be declared. I have been declaring it since I was a puppy--it is about time the humans listen to my wisdom. Sure, there will be some humans who are against my plan. Don't listen to them. They will say that you shouldn't douse people coming from a foreign country and that includes U. S. citizens who have been abroad (bugs do not ask your citizenship) with deadly chemicals. I understand their point, but how else do you get rid of those horrible bed bugs? This dog sleeps in bed with my humans and what if they mutate and start going after dogs too? If they hang around in the sewers in New York City very long, they might intermarry with those alligators that were flushed down the toilets, and then you would have a hard to kill bug with giant teeth. This dog does not want to wait to see that happen. Besides, that is the purpose of the history lesson. If the Americans had doused the Pilgrims and other early vacationers with deadly chemicals, they might still be alive today even if they would be kind of old. Of course, since they knew the location of the Fountain of Youth, they would probably be younger than my Mommy. For those of you who don't want to heed the wisdom of Demon Flash Bandit, when you wake up bitten by a bed bug, don't say I didn't warn you in time.

Demon Flash Bandit (Watching Out for the Humans--as Usual)

My New Hobby

As a dog, I have decided that I need a new hobby because a dog needs to have something important to do with his time. I contemplated many activities that I could get involved with. I could do the usual things that many dogs like to do with their time---fetch, run, guard things, but I wanted something that set me apart so that I wouldn't be just like all the other dogs. I finally found the perfect hobby for me. I have learned to yap constantly in a high pitch yap that seems to go right for the humans' nerves. In fact, it gets on Angel Zoom Smokey's nerves if you do it long enough while she is trying to sleep, which is one of the most fun times to yap. She gets mad and snarls at me, and I keep right on yapping. It isn't just a hobby, it is a laugh riot. The reason it works so well is that normally, I am a very quiet dog, but I've found that if a quiet dog occasionally yaps for about 24 hours straight, it is so highly effective at getting a dog noticed, that is becomes a hobby for the dog. Don't get me wrong--I'm not talking about barking which is totally and completely different from yapping. Barking is something all dogs do on occasion, but yapping is a high pitched whine that I have perfected into an art form. I am also quite the trooper. I continue yapping even when it is bugging me. I think I will start the Demon Flash Bandit School of Yapping. I'm sure other dogs would love to have yapping as a cool hobby that they can enjoy too.

Demon Flash Bandit (Yapping at Everyone and Everything)

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Demon Flash Bandit--Game Developer Dog

My pals at Arctic Paws have sent 5 truckloads of Yummy Chummies 2.5 pound value bags to Costcos in 4 states: those states are Washington, Oregon, Idaho, and Utah. For my readers who live in those states and shop at Costco, be sure and pick up a bag. Yummy Chummies are wonderful dog treats, and they aren't readily available in all places.

Virtual games are quite popular with many of the humans. I know I have watched Mommy waste time playing Farmtown--time that could have been better spent rubbing my tummy. Don't get me wrong--I can see the appeal of virtual farming versus real farming since real farming doesn't look like much fun. In fact, it looks like work to me. Therefore, I can understand why the humans would prefer the virtual world to the real world at times. The real world would have less competition from the virtual world if it made life easier. Facebook has a lot of popular games and a lot of humans like Facebook. Another rival company, Google has been trying to make friends with one of the game developers. Meanwhile Disney has purchased a game company, and they spent a lot of money on it--money which could have been better spent on dingo bones if you ask my opinion. I wonder why the big companies are not trying to get my business. I have developed some very cool games for the Internet. There is my "Treat the Dog" game, which involves adopting a dog and giving the dog treats and tummy rubs. There is "Virtual Fetch". The virtual human throws the ball, and the dog gets it for him or her. There is "Let's Dig To China", which is a game in which the dog digs a very, very deep hole. My personal favorite of my games is the "Let's Decorate with Paw Prints" game which involves having the room decorated with muddy paws. The best thing about these games is that there is no point system or "virtual cash". The person playing just gets to watch the dog do fun stuff. I think this makes them among the best games on the Internet. Any human with taste will want to play them....forget Farmville, Mafia Wars, and Who Ate my games rule!

Demon Flash Bandit (Virtual Game Developer)

Monday, July 26, 2010

More Brilliant Ideas From the Mind of Demon Flash Bandit

I hope you enjoyed the letter I received from the Queen of England in yesterday's blog. I do hope that the Queen can find the time to make it here to mow for me. I was very honored that she offered me the position of professor of agriculture at Cambridge. I will have to decline the offer because it rains a lot there, and I don't want to have to smell wet humans. All us dogs know that rain is Mother Nature's way of giving a dog a shower. I know Great Britain is a nice country, but I prefer a country that has less rain and more snow.

I got to thinking that if the Queen could use some extra money, the Pope could probably use some extra money too. After all, the church actually passes around a collection plate because they need money so much. Very much like the guy on the street who plays the guitar for extra cash, I have to assume that is why the church has the music and everything--it is the entertainment that they ask the humans to pay for. I'm not sure if I am supposed to refer to him as Mr. Pope or His Popeness, but if you are reading this, Mr. Pope, I have a business plan all set up for you. If it takes off, you might need to hire some people, but you can start it on your own. It is a septic tank cleaning business. Before you know it, you might not need those collection plates anymore, and you won't have to depend on the generosity of others. By the way, I'm also thinking of an edition of collector collection plates....I think I am the first to think of that-featuring different popes maybe wearing swim suits. In fact, a calendar of past popes would be a good seller. One pope can dress as a lifeguard, one a fireman, one in a business suit--you get the idea.

I am thinking of hiring some body guards. Yes, Demon Flash Bandit has become so popular on the Internet that hiring bodyguards would be a good idea. You can never be too careful. Sure, I can take care of myself, but a dog likes to take a nap, and super villains love to take advantage of the good guy when he is taking a nap. I was perusing the cereal aisle of my local supermarket for possible candidates for the job. Candidates include, Capt. Crunch because of his military experience, Count Chocula because it takes a villain to fight a villain, Boo Berry because he has the boos so bad and needs the work, Tony the Tiger because he is g-r-e-a-t, and Mr. T although I'm quite sure the store should update their stock. Snap, Crackle, and Pop are out of the question because I am not issuing 3 paychecks for those dudes. I know Count Chocula might be busy thanks to the popularity of vampires due to that Twilight movie franchise. Have you heard the girls talking about being on Team Chocula? I've even read it on the tshirts. By the way, if this dog had to support a team from Twilight, Team Chocula has my vote. On the other paw, I might even hire someone from the royal family since I'm such a good pal of the Queen, I could hire Charles because with those ears, no one could sneak up on him.

Thanks to my blog about helping the Queen come up with more money, I got a call from Bo Obama (first dog) asking me to come to the White House to fix things for the United States. That is how it always works out--if you want a solution to a big problem, call in a dog. I will share my brilliant ideas for the U.S. economy in an upcoming blog. Hey, I don't get paid to write this blog, and a dog's time is valuable. I could be napping. One final word to the Queen: Queen Lady, the grass isn't getting any shorter!

Demon Flash Bandit (Problem Solver)

Letter from the Queen of England

I have written a couple of blogs about having the Queen of England come here to mow my grass. I have been waiting for a reply, and it has finally arrived. Jeff brought the mail in today and there was a letter from the Queen. Two days from my first blog offering her a job until I get a reply in the mail---and people complain about the post office being slow. I was particularly impressed with the Sunday delivery. I am glad I offered the Queen an odd job to make some extra money. The Daily Show said the royal family was having to make cutbacks, but sending the letter on a napkin from McDonalds made me realize just how badly they need the money. I do think the embossed clown wearing a crown at the top of the napkin was a nice touch. I plan to start a collection of letters I receive from celebrities. The royal stationary alone is worth saving. I have had some people tell me that it might not be an official letter from the Queen since it is on a McDonalds napkin, but I'm sure those people are just jealous that I would be getting personal mail from the Queen. I have decided to share the letter with you so that you can see that the Queen is unquestionably pawtastic.

Howdy Demon,

This is the Queen of England and I'm a big fraking fan. I happened to read your blog post the other day about paying me to mow your yard. Thanks so much for the offer because I can really use the money. I would like you to know that if time allows, I would love to mow your yard, you handsome young pup. Meeting you would be one of the highlights of my life--well above the birth of Charles (have you seen him--I thought he might fly away when he was a baby?) and my marriage to that man--I forget his name--ah yes, James Cromwell). I might add that I am very proud of my husband's role in the movies, Babe and Star Trek First Contact. He did a pretty decent job playing my husband (Prince Sylvester Stallone) in the movie, The Queen.
I've been swamped between listening to cds of MC Hammer (What's the time? It's Hammer time.), dipping Krispy Kreme dougnuts into my tea, rescuing small children who get lost in Charles' ears, and picking my nose while singing Green Sleeves. (That nose picking while singing is a royal tradition that dates back to Henry VIII.) I've also been playing ice hockey with my bros. My bros are: William Shatner, The Pope, Ron Jeremy, Greg the Bunny, Bo Obama, Snoop Dogg, and if you would come to England for a visit, you and Angel Zoom Smokey.

I've also been catching up on some movies with my fellow royal pains in the arse family members. Charles enjoyed Inception so much that I had to change his diaper. I also saw Despicable Me, and my husband, (Arnold Schwartzenaggar or however you spell his name) squealed and cried through the entire movie like a little girl or that pig in Babe. The management would have thrown us out had I not been the Queen. It is good to be the Queen.

On that subject, I just wanted to let you know that I enjoyed your last post so much that I actually pooped myself. I read the post to my husband, Prince Mel Gibson (who screamed like a crazy person which I think he is) also pooped his pants upon hearing your blog post. That being said, my husband, Prince Bruce Willis, often poops his pants so that is no guarantee that your blog is good, but it is. I think so and if anyone doesn't like it, I will yell "off with their heads" which will do no good, but it will make me feel better about my job. Charles was not allowed to hear your blog due to him being low on diapers after seeing the movie, Inception. He is also not allowed to make fudge due to an unfortunate mix up one Christmas. As you can see, we are a royally classy family.

I frakin love you Demon. I am sorry about the delay in mowing your grass. I enjoyed having you say, "Queen Lady, the grass isn't getting any shorter"--wiser words have never been uttered. I called Cambridge and asked them to give you a job as a professor of agriculture due to your observation that grass does not get shorter. It had never occurred to me, and Cambridge was very impressed with your wisdom. It had not occurred to them either. I have to call the head Cambridge dude from teaching his graduate class of fingerpainting to tell him about you. Sadly, Oxford is mad at me for not calling them first. By the way, if you ever need some expert fingerpainters, be sure they have that Phd in fingerpainting from a good university. Charles got his clown degree there and look at how well he has done....uh oh .....never mind. He is still living at home spending millions of dollars trying to prove unicorns and Big Foot are best buds. He is special. One day when he takes over the country, the national anthem is going to be changed to Charles in Charge, and England will be doomed--let's hope the United States takes over then. The U.S. would be better than being taken over by Romania since we don't want to have to walk around all the time wearing garlic to ward off the vampires.

Thanks so much for your kind offer of work. Having to cut the budget by $4,000,000 is not easy as anyone can understand. Most people never have to cope with such a serious financial cut particularly when we have to buy Q-tips by the truck load to clean out Charles ears. I will be there to mow as soon as I I said, I love you Demon Flash Bandit and I think you should sell your photo and pawtograph on your blog!!!!

Love, Da Queen of England

As you can see, this letter has to be legitimate. Who else would know and share such intimate heart warming family details. If fact, I could have been quite happy had she not shared so much of it (like the fudge incident). NOTE TO SELF: Never eat fudge if you are visiting the Queen. I hope that by sharing this letter, you have gotten a glimpse of life for the Queen and the royal family and I look forward to meeting them. I wonder when she comes to mow if she is going to bring her husband (Orlando Bloom) with her.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing a Letter from the Queen of England)

Sunday, July 25, 2010

My Ancient Egyptian Pal, Gahiji

Hello to my readers, and I hope all of you are enjoying a pleasant Sunday which for some reason makes me think of a song performed by the Monkees--Another Pleasant Valley Sunday. I wonder why I would connect the two. I suppose it is another example of my brilliant thinking.

As my readers from are already aware, I have a collection of ancient blogs by early dogs. One of my favorites is Gahiji, an ancient Egyptian dog. I found Gahiji's blog at a garage sale, which is where I find most of my ancient antiquities. Today I will share one of Gahiji's blogs with you.

It is another super hot day here in ancient Egypt. It is almost time for Habibah, my human to come home from work. Habibah works for the Pharaoh building a Pyramid. He spends much of his time at work and at home complaining about his job. He should have listened to his mother and went to college, but Habibah wasn't exactly the smartest guy to graduate from ancient Egyptian High School. We are best friends, and he likes to spend all the time he can with me, but that isn't always as much as both of us would like. After work, Habibah has been attending union organizing meetings. I hope the union is successful because Habibah could use some job security. Don't get me wrong--Habibah does okay work, but if the Pharaoh should find him writing some of the graffiti on the Pyramids, there is going to be trouble. Yesterday, he wrote: The Mummy Needs to Get a Life---yes he is hilarious, and if you didn't notice, I am being sarcastic. I just know if he gets caught, the Pharaoh will fire him or have him beheaded--whichever is worse. I'm hoping we will go and visit his mother this weekend. He has some laundry for her to do because that is women's work. Men have more important things to do--like the contest down at the local bar to see which of the humans can burp the loudest. Do I smell a trophy for Habibah coming on? I know Habibah might not be the most intelligent guy in the world, but he does have his talents and loud burping is one of them.

I hope all my readers are having a good weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing the Words of my Pal Gahiji)

Saturday, July 24, 2010

I Have Not Received an Answer from the Queen of England!

Yesterday I wrote a blog and offered to pay the Queen of England $25.00 to mow my yard. I am assuming that my blog has to be something that the Queen has to read everyday. I know I would read it if I were her. Anyway, I asked her to make a comment so that I would know when she was coming, and have the cash ready for her. By the way, Queen Lady, the grass is not getting any shorter while you are hanging around the castle doing royal stuff. I would hate to see you miss the chance to meet me, Demon Flash Bandit, and get that photo of me with my pawtograph that you can hang in your castle to remember our meeting. However, I do realize that maybe mowing the yard might not be considered something a royal should be allowed to do. Perhaps working a couple of days at Burger King are more to your liking. I can understand that since their burgers are fit for royalty. Let me know when you are planning on being at my local BK so I can come through drive-thru and place my order. Imagine how impressed Parliament will be to find out that you actually cooked Demon Flash Bandit's burgers. Good day to you Queen, and be sure and let me know--will you mow my yard or are you working at Burger King?

Demon Flash Bandit (Royal Questions)

Friday, July 23, 2010

I'm Doing My Part to Help Great Britain

I was watching an older segment of The Daily Show called "The Crumpets Take Manhattan" (which can be seen on their website which aired July 7,2010). This video is covering the recent visit of the Queen of England to New York City. The recession has actually affected the Queen since she has had to cut back her spending 7%, which according to the video, costs the average tax payer in her country under $1.00 so she is saving the average tax payer 7 cents. Jon Stewart suggested we buy the Queen and let her do odd jobs here in the United States, and then it went on to show a photo of her on a riding mower and then another with her dressed as a hot dog working as a hot dog vendor. I want to go on record stating that the grass in my yard needs mowing and I am willing to pay the Queen of England $25.00 to do it, and she can do it on my John Deere mower. Yes, she doesn't even have to push a mower, she can ride around cutting the grass in style. If she is willing to change the oil, there will be even more money in it for her. With a few odd jobs like this, she can help make up for the $4,000,000+ that she has had to cut back on. I know some of you might be saying, there are a lot of yards she could cut for people, but this yard has the advantage of the Queen of England getting to meet me, Demon Flash Bandit. I know she likes dogs since she has dogs, and saves them bits of meat from her plate. If she does enough odd jobs, perhaps she could afford to get her dogs some Burger King, and not have to feed them scraps.

I have to add that seeing her in the hot dog outfit was wonderful since Angel Zoom Smokey has a photo of herself posted on wearing her hot dog costume for her first Halloween. Mommy bought it when it was put onto the store shelves (which was probably July), and by the time Halloween came, she had grown so much, it became her hot dog butt costume. I happen to think she looks adorable in it. However, Angel Zoom Smokey says that it was humiliating. Now there is no way she can hold that costume against my humans since the Queen of England was shown in a hot dog suit too. If it is good enough for the Queen of England, it should be good enough for a dog.

Queen Elizabeth, if you leave a comment telling me when you will arrive to do the mowing, I will be sure and have the cash waiting for you. If you can do it in the next week, I'll even take you to Burger King for a "royal" meal. I will also have some cold cokes waiting for you when the job is done. By the way, I will give you a photo of myself with my paw print on it. You can hang it on your wall and remember the happy day when you met me!

Demon Flash Bandit (Hiring The Queen to Mow My Yard)

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Virtual Farming Is Easier than Real Life Farming

Today I saw in the news an article about Farmville, and why is is popular. Does it take a dog to answer that question? Farmville is more popular than actual farming because virtual farming is a lot easier than regular farming. For example, even if you don't bother to fence in the animals, they will still be there when you leave for a day or so. It is far more comfortable to sit in front of a computer and "plant" and "harvest' fields rather than going out when it is hot and having to operate a plough or a harvester. Even feeding the animals is easier. In real life, sometimes it takes up a lot of time and isn't a particularly fun process. Even the humans, know real farming is hard work and not much fun, and all us dogs know how silly the humans can be. Given a choice between going outside to "farm" and staying inside to play Farmville, it is no contest. Farmville will win.. Don't forget to leave a comment to enter my contest for the dvd of White Fang. Thanks for reading my blog.

Demon Flash Bandit

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Aliens Love Earth Food

For several days, there has been a news video on AOL Internet news that shows a UFO over China. Of course, as usual, the humans speculate on whether it is an alien spaceship, a military experiment, or even a hoax. The most obvious reason is never mentioned. The pilot, Teska, was hungry and he dropped by China for some dinner--almond chicken. Next week, you may very well see a UFO over Italy when Teska decides he is in the mood for pizza. You might wonder how I know this information, and there is a simple explanation for my knowledge. I was introduced to Teska by a mutual friend, Rover 1, who is from Sirius, the Dog Star. Teska often drops by Earth to pick up food when he is hungry. It seems that the other planets do not offer a large choice of restaurants so Teska comes here when he gets hungry. Because he doesn't want to cause a big crowd at the restaurant which would make it take longer to get his food, the advanced technology of his space ship can turn the ship into a human looking car when it lands to approach the restaurant. Usually the humans never see it in the air, but sometimes they do get a glimpse of the ship, and then they get excited because they don't know what the ship happens to be. If I told them it was just Teska getting some Chinese food, I doubt that they would believe me, and I'm sure someone will decide it is some kind of conspiracy to get our best human recipes to take back to their home planet. Would it really matter is Teska's planet has an Outback Steakhouse? It really won't be competition for our planet's food since we can't jump into a space ship and run to their planet to get dinner. I think the humans should let Teska get his dinner and leave quietly. He prefers not to be in the limelight since he is just a regular guy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Aliens Love Our Food)

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Ducks--Birds That Are Okay With Me

Although I normally do not like birds, I only dislike the ones who sing about stealing my snow in spring and thus, are the cause of global warming. One member of the bird family that I'm okay with is the duck family. They are cute, and they don't sing--they quack and they don't steal snow. I might add that Daffy and Donald have provided hours of entertainment for dogs and humans with their many film projects. However, the real reason I like ducks is because, unlike so many other of the bird family, they think and act more like a dog. How many other birds have business interests? Yes, Ducks invented duck tape, and they are the leading manufacturer of said product. Without their clever invention, many of the humans would probably have their houses fall down on them because there are so many humans who use duck tape to fix almost everything. I think my favorite human advocate of Duck tape was Red Green, who had a show on PBS for many years from his Possum Lodge. It was a very good show even if it could have used some dogs in it. In his Handyman Secret Corner segment, he used duck tape for more projects than most humans can imagine. If you haven't had the good fortune to watch his show, many episodes are on DVD, and I recommend it highly. The ducks even had the good sense to start making the tape in various colors so the humans could use it more and have it blend in. I can't tell you have many times I have been out riding in the car, and I have seen another vehicle wrapped in duck tape, and although my humans might say, that car is ready for the junk yard, this dog says, those wonderful ducks have saved the day again. I do believe in giving credit where credit is due so, for any ducks who might be reading this blog....quack...quack quack quack. and good luck in your future endeavors. You are one of the few credits to birddom.
Don't forget that you can enter for the chance to win a dvd of White Fang by leaving a comment on the blog. See yesterday's blog for details.

Demon Flash Bandit (Ducks--They Have "Earned" My Respect)

Monday, July 19, 2010

Visit My Blog for a Chance to Win a DVD--White Fang

Today I have a big announcement for my readers. I will be giving away a a DVD with 9 episodes of the television series, White Fang. This is the story of a boy and his wolf dog, and it takes place in the Rockies. Move over Lassie because this dog is just as helpful as Lassie, but he reminds me of looking at myself in a mirror, and I like to look at myself in a mirror. That dog in the mirror is always mimicking me so it is good that I realized that I can't blame other dogs for being like me--I am a doggy role model. This DVD comes with a music CD of classical "nature" type music which I am hoping does not involve birds. As my loyal readers are already aware, I am not a fan of birds. For those who want to know how to enter and any rules involved in my contest, here they are:

All you have to do to win this prize is come to my blog and post a comment on any blog written between July 19 and July 31. One entry per day is allowed. The contest will last until July 31, I will announce the winner in my blog in early August, and the person can send me their email address to arrange shipment, which of course will be free. This contest is open to people in the United States and Canada. I am posting a photo of the DVD on my blog so you can see what you are entering to win. This is my way of saying thank you for visiting my blog and reading the wisdom of Demon Flash Bandit, professional dog.

Now you know what my blog topic for today is about: being a professional dog. We all know that there are regular ball players who play the game because it is fun, but you have the pros who play the game to make money and it is their profession. I happen to be talented at being a dog, and I'm a real pro at it. Being a dog is a lot harder than it sounds. You have to learn when to bark, whine, give the sad, puppy dog face to get treats, and some dogs even have to do tricks to get treats. That doesn't work around here. Mommy was teaching Angel Zoom Smokey to "shake" and Angel will shake, but she keeps looking around and she told me she is getting tired of looking for milkshakes that never appear. Did I mention that both Angel Zoom Smokey and myself like ice cream?

I am so good at being a dog that I plan to start a school for other dogs training them to be a more professional dog. Some dogs are really getting the short end of the stick, but they are so excited about getting a stick that they let the humans take over. We dogs are the ones in charge, and some dogs forget that. This is why I am starting my school for dogs. I will teach them that they are really in charge and show them how to get the humans to do things their way. I plan to call it the Demon Flash Bandit School For Sophisticated Dogs.

Be sure and visit my pal's new website,

I think you will enjoy the site.

Demon Flash Bandit (Blog Giveaway)

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Dogs Playing Poker--World's Best Paintings

Humans like to hang art on the walls of their houses. The really lucky ones who have gazillions of dollars can hang the best paintings of all time in their homes. These paintings are a series of paintings done by the artist, C. M. Coolidge. Collidge did the dogs playing poker paintings which are among the greatest paintings of all time. I'm sure that many museums would love to get their paws on these original paintings, but cannot afford them so they get stuck with paintings from less important artists like Da Vinci, Rembrandt, Vincent Van Gogh, Monet, etc. You know the curator at those museums would like to get his or her paws on the poker playing dogs. One museum even had a fundraiser to get enough money to buy one, but the Cow Pie Contest they had planned to raise the money did not turn out to be very popular with the humans. I have no idea why. It sounded like a winner to me. Anyway, one day I hope to make enough money writing my blog so that I can buy one of these paintings to hang in the bedroom I share with my human. I know there are reproductions, but this dog deserves the best. When I have my doggy pals over, I don't want them to see a "reproduction" of the painting. I want them to see the real thing. I already have movie posters from Snow Dogs (both the movie and dvd posters) and Eight Below hanging in my room so the poker playing dogs would make a great addition to my art collection. I also have a collection of fur in my room. Mommy has had the nerve to throw it away from time to time, but I just shed some new fur for my collection. That is one advantage to being a Siberian Husky--we have a lot of fur to shed.

I hope all my pals are having a nice weekend, and do yourself a favor--start saving money to get a Poker Playing Dogs Painting. That way, everyone who comes to you home will know that you have impeccable taste.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Art)

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Music Dogs Enjoy

Today I was thinking about how much I like music. I know how to turn the radio on in the car, and how to switch stations, and I personally love the music of that great group, Alvin and the Chipmunks. I decided to check the Internet to see if there happened to be music designed exclusively for us dogs. There is a site, which has music that is supposed to calm dogs while the humans are gone. It seems to be mostly classical music, and since some of the humans aren't fond of the genre, this dog is assuming that the reason we listen to it while they are gone is so the humans won't have to listen to it. My oldest brother used to love classical music, but I think he might be an exception among many of the young humans. The site does offer free music to shelters and qualified rescues so this dog thinks that is very nice of them. If a dog doesn't have a home, maybe the music will make him feel a little better. Another CD by Bradley Joseph is: Music Pets Love: While You Are Gone. You can listen to this on YouTube, but I fail to see how it would make me feel better while the humans are gone. It starts with singing birds......yeah, you heard me.....birds singing. Some of us are not fans of birds so they definitely did not ask me my opinion of this music. The only thing I want to hear from a bird is his last words before I put him on the grill. Birds are evil and steal a dog's snow and cause global warming. They are on a mission to take over the world. How many times do I have to try to warn the humans about the evil birds? Do they listen? No, they make a CD with birds' singing to annoy a dog. I like regular music. I am fond of the Beatles, and I don't need any "special" dog music. I will stick with what my humans listen to and the aforementioned Chipmunks. Other dogs might like the "bird" music, but this dog has standards, and I don't listen to birds--except to hear their latest plans for world domination. You would think the humans would realize that dogs, like humans have varying taste, and it would be nice if they would ask us what we like instead of assuming. I am quite capable of answering these questions and I occasionally speak the other day when I was hungry and I said, more food. I've found with the humans, a dog has to be specific. They aren't the smartest species on the planet, but at least they are smarter than cats. I've got to go now and pick out some Cds for the humans to play for me. I think I'll get my favorite one where the dogs bark the Beatles. I personally think it is an improvement--no offense to John, Paul, George, and Ringo.

Demon Flash Bandit (I'll Choose My Own Music)

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Water Dog

Today is another day of exciting news from my blog. As my readers already know, this dog does a lot of thinking, and the other day, I was watching Mommy drink some bottled water when I noticed that the label was rather lacking in enjoyability. For those of you who might ask, yes, that is a word because I just made it up. Anyway, I am always thinking of how to make the world a better place, and that is when the idea came to me.....wouldn't bottled water be more enjoyable if the humans could look at my handsome face while they drink it? I told my brother to make a cartoon photo of me, and I have a prototype of the water I might eventually sell on my blog. What human can resist drinking water while looking at my face on the label, and most of the humans don't drink enough water. Thanks to my face, the humans will get enough water, and the planets will be aligned, and all will be well with the world. Hey, if Bill and Ted's music could do that, having my face on a water bottle would be even more likely to do those things. To show just how wonderful my concept would be, I am putting a photo of the prototype on the blogsite today. Enjoy. I know I enjoy looking at it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Water Dog)


Today I have some exciting news---my pal, Cairo's, site which will include some of my blogs and diary entries is live today. You can find it at
Another big site that is also live today is a new husky rescue group in Nebraska, and that group's website is

Today's blog is about garbage. It seems that an old boat has been found at the sight of Ground Zero in New York City. Is there anything the humans won't throw away? You would think they wouldn't toss a boat, but they did. Around here, I am always rescuing the most interesting Kleenexes. The humans blow their noses, and then just toss the Kleenex in the trash. I can't tell you how many of them I have rescued over the years, and the worst part is that after I have rescued a Kleenex, I find the humans have tossed it in the trash yet again. I have heard stories like this from other dogs. Sometimes they even throw perfectly good food away. I have heard the horror stories. The human cleans out the freezer and just THROWS food in the garbage. That is the dog's job--to eat the food that the human doesn't want--don't they even understand that fact? I have decided to buy a piece of land, and declare it a land fill so that the human garbage trucks will bring all the good stuff directly to me. I am going to call it Demon Flash Bandit Enterprises because it is one of the best ideas I have ever had.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Garbage)

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Demon Flash Bandit, Artist

I have many hats (which I refuse to wear)--I am a friend to my humans, the owner of an Internet toy store ( a writer(, and now I have added artist to the list. I never planned on being an artist. I even thought perhaps art was beyond my abilities. However, I remembered that as a puppy, I got into Mommy's craft paint and added some lovely orange freckles to my nose. It was then that I realized that I, Demon Flash Bandit, had a rare talent for art. I have to admit I let it lie dormant for several years, but just last week, I got the urge to create a painting that could only be done by me, Demon Flash Bandit. I got out some paint and a canvas and I dipped my paws into the paint, and painted a masterpiece. I like to call it "What Makes my Tail Wag" and I painted a Burger King Whopper on the canvas. I have seen art in museums and, although I don't mean to brag, fact is fact. My painting is better than any of the ones in art museums. I have had so many dogs tell me that my painting has inspired them to eat dinner. What more can an artist ask for in life? Perhaps my next painting will be of Yummy Chummies.

Demon Flash Bandit (Artist)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

The First Cave Man Fad

Yesterday, my humans went to see the movie Despicable Me. Both humans said it was an enjoyable movie. I would be able to leave a movie review myself, if DOGS WERE ALLOWED IN THEATRES. However, complaining about the constant discrimination against us dogs is a waste of time so I will move onto today's blog topic which is: why do humans walk on only 2 paws? This has been a subject of interest with doggy philosophers since Grog, an early caveman, decided to walk on his back paws instead of all fours. Grog clearly was not one of the smartest cave men in the tribe, yet when he started walking on his back paws, all the other humans had to copy his walk to the point where it became a fad. In fact, it was the first fad the humans ever dealt with. The Caveman General Store was selling recordings of "Walk Like Grog" which was a big hit for its time earning the group that made it a gold stick which eventually went white (platinum had also not been invented at that time). The group that recorded "Walk Like Grog" was the Three Seasons. This was shortly after the Ice Age so the fourth season had not been invented yet, but one day summer would eventually be recognized as an official season as soon as it got warm enough to be hot for an entire season. This was when marketing was first recognized as a profession. The advertising agency, Ugh, Bug, and Rur was formed, an agency that is still in business today and handles all the top companies including Rock City. Rock City is an attraction that is located in Chattanooga, Tennessee-the attraction with the largest collection of Bird Houses in the world. Back to the Grog fad story: The General Store could not keep up with all the business and had to hire more employees. The "Walk Like Grog" tshirts were bought as quickly as the new invention, the wheel, could bring them in. It would have been helpful if they have actually used a couple of wheels and had them bring a wagon, but the wheel could only transport 6 tshirts at a time which were hung on the wheel's spokes. When asked why they used a wheel when a caveman could have carried more shirts without the wheel, the manager answered, "this store uses the latest inventions whether it makes sense or not". NOTE FROM DEMON: I guess some things never change. Anyway, the Grog fad has allowed archaeologists to find some of the earliest collector toys. The Grog action figures have taken the collector world by storm as have the Grog bobble heads. That box of cereal with Grog on the cover sold at auction for 10 million dollars as one of the oldest examples of advertising art ever found. The Grog bowls and glasses are one of the hottest items in the collectible market---all because Grog decided to walk on his back 2 paws. Sadly, Grog did not live long after that. He was walking a little too close to a cliff, and you know how much more likely accidents are if you are walking on only 2 paws......

By the way, I was a diary pick today. I will be available from 5:00 to 6:00 pm today for pawtographs. I would do it longer, but a dog has to have some time for a nap.

Demon Flash Bandit (Story of Grog)

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Exercise While Writing

There is big news today on the Internet. Facebook is closing their gift shop on August 1, 2010. I can only assume that making those "virtual" gifts must have been more difficult than they realized. You know the humans are lazy when they get to the point that virtual work is too difficult.

I'm sure most of us are familiar with the concept of paper weights. Paper weights are the items that humans put on their paper work so it doesn't blow away. This made me wonder--do they make pencil weights to make sure your pens and pencils don't disappear when the wind blows? Imagine my surprise when I discovered that they do make pencil weights, but they are largely for the humans who want a work out while they write. If you ask this dog, I think the humans are getting way too obsessed with exercise when they have to exercise while they write. I think the humans could use a lesson in goofing off from Garfield the Cat or maybe the lazy humans who refuse to buy the weights for pencils and pens--the sensible humans.

Demon Flash Bandit (Weights for Pens and Pencils)

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Why No Money From the Tooth Fairy for a Dog's Teeth?

Have any of my readers noticed that when a human puppy (child) loses a tooth, the child puts the tooth under their pillow? In the morning, the "tooth fairy" has come and got the tooth and left the child money in the tooth's place. The tooth fairy is one of those nice characters like the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus--you actually look forward to their visits. However, I have done some serious research on this topic, and when dogs lose teeth, no tooth fairy comes to give us money for our teeth. I'm not saying that there is no dog who doesn't get money from the tooth fairy, but I think it would be safe to say that 99.9% of dogs do not receive a visit from the tooth fairy. This made me wonder why we dogs get overlooked by the tooth fairy. My first theory was that it is because dogs don't tend to lose as many teeth as humans, but that should make it easier for the tooth fairy since she would have a lot less work to do. I am assuming the tooth fairy is a female because I don't think most men would want to spend their nights flying around leaving money for teeth. My apologies to any tooth fairies who might not be female--no offense is intended. I have never met a tooth fairy so I'm not expert on tooth fairyness. Anyway, since my first theory seems totally silly, I have developed another theory. I think the tooth fairy might be skipping dogs because the tooth fairy has a cat or bird and they aren't delivering the tooth fairy messages from the tooth fairy answering machine that lets the fairy know that a dog has lost a tooth. I think both cats and birds would think it is funny not to pass the messages on. If my second theory is true, then the tooth fairy would not be deliberately leaving dogs out---it would be a conspiracy among our enemies--the cats and birds. It even makes me wonder--is the tooth fairy actually a cat or bird? That could explain who is behind the idea of telling humans to brush their dog's teeth. Since teeth brushing is annoying to many of us dogs, they could help us keep our teeth which would ultimately save them money. I will continue my research into this subject, and I will keep my readers updated if I learn any new information. I haven't lost any teeth yet, but it would be nice to think that is I did, I would at least get some dingo bone money for my loss!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing the Tooth Fairy)

Friday, July 9, 2010

Dressing as a Cow

I have some exciting news to share with my readers. Today (Friday, July 9)is Cow Appreciation Day at Chick-fil-A restaurants, and if you dress as a cow, you get a free entree, side dish, and beverage. Remember, you have to dress entirely as a cow to get this special. If you only dress partially as a cow, you only get a free entree. Normally, this dog does not wear a costume, but for a free meal, I think I could make an exception. This restaurant knows how to inspire a dog to dress for a meal. Of course, there are none of these restaurants in my area, so I won't be dressing for the occasion, but if there were one near me, you can bet your tail I would be heading for the restaurant looking so much like a cow that Elsie would want to date me. Okay, since I am a male dog, I would have to dress as a bull, but since bulls are essentially part of the "cow" family, I think I would still get a free meal if I dressed as one. Besides, if they said I didn't qualify, they would know how a gored matador feels--this dog does not have any patience with not getting a free meal if I have went to the trouble to dress up for the meal.

There was a movie years ago, Top Secret, (starring Val Kilmer) where the humans dressed as cows. I thought it was silly when I saw it, but now I realize that they were just trying to get a free meal at Chick-fil-A. If you happen to see some cows when you are out today, you know it is just someone wanting a free meal. If they are dressed as a chicken, either they are insane or they are giving out expired coupons which will lead to a big fight which never completely ends--this has been covered in the television show, Family Guy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Why No Chick-fil-A in My Town?)

Thursday, July 8, 2010

An Extraordinary Career

Today I have an interesting bit of history to share since this dog takes educating the public very seriously. Today's topic is about a prominent man in American history--so prominent that he merited a television show about his life. That man is David (Davy) Crockett. Davy was born in northeastern Tennessee on August 17, 1786. Davy set himself apart from other toddlers when he "killed him a bear when he was only 3". He did not win the heart of other bears, but none of the other bears would give him any trouble. Even today, Mother bears warn their cubs to watch out for Davy Crockett when they let the cubs out to play.

Davy went on to set the fashion world on fire by wearing the coonskin cap, which was actually a dead raccoon. Needless to say, this did not make him very popular with the raccoons either. At that time, much of the country was still forest and when you already have the bears and raccoons mad at you, it is best not to spend a lot of time in the forest if you value your life. This is when Davy got into politics. Most politicians are less scary than an angry bear--remember, I said most of them--not all of them. Some of them are even scarier than bears.

Anyway, he got into politics and decided to move to Texas, where he got involved in that whole Alamo fiasco, but news of his death, as Mark Twain, would say, were highly exaggerated. Some of the humans think he died in 1836, but you can't kill Davy that easily. He moved to Hollywood, California, where one of his latest projects was as one of the executive producers of the movie, Seven Pounds starring Will Smith. When asked about his life, Davy, or David Crockett, as he now likes to be called said, "I enjoyed making this film, and I hope to be showing my new line of coonskin caps in the fall". Davy, let's hope that your film career is as successful as your bear killing and political careers. You have this dog's support.

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About Legendary David (Davy) Crockett

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

My Opinion of the Weather

It is another hot day here in lower Michigan. I bet it might even be hot in the upper peninsula of Michigan. It might have even hit 50 degrees F up there. The humans probably took off their winter coats, put on their sweaters, and are wondering why the weather is so much different for the past couple of days. That fact brings me to the question, why do I not live up there? Anyway, my blog today, like yesterday, is about the heat. I have a story to share with you about the heat, and how it is effecting everyone here. I saw a dog's poop get up and walk around the yard trying to find a cooler spot. Yes, folks, it is too hot for a dog's poop to want to be in the sun. I know some of you might say I'm exaggerating, but I am not. The best thing about the poop was that it finally found a bird bath to jump into and now the evil birds have a special surprise waiting for them when they come to get a drink or a bath. Yes, this dog is laughing my tail off just waiting to see the bird's expression when he sees what is in his bird bath. By the way, I do have my camera ready so I can get a photo of the bird's face to share with other dogs. When a dog has to go outside, it is ridiculous--all the trees and shrubs are begging you to pee on them. Who could blame them It isn't like most trees can walk around and get out of the heat--only those lucky trees like the ones in Lord of the Rings can do that sort of thing. To be fair, it is worse for the trees and shrubs because some of the dogs I know said that if they have to go outside for more than 3 minutes, they will water themselves. I can see their point. For some stupid reason, the government has never seen fit to put a dome over the country and air condition the entire country as I have suggested so many times in the past. You would think they would listen to a dog! Anyway, I have to hurry and finish writing this. I overheard the computer saying that it was getting tired of the heat, and that the air conditioner needs to work better. Anyway, it said it was going to go and take a shower to cool off. I am not a computer geek, but I don't think computers are supposed to get wet.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing the Weather)

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

I Want The Weather To Get Cooler

It was hot yesterday. It is supposed to be hot today. I don't like hot. Therefore, when I was checking the news today and saw Celine Dion's back yard water park, I decided that a water park in my back yard would be a really cool thing to have. Of course, I don't need such a large water park nor do I need the slides. This dog would be quite happy with a much smaller water park. As I mentioned in a previous entry, I have been digging a spot for an in ground pool as a favor to my humans. They always appreciate a dog's efforts to improve the place, but seeing that water park made me realize that this dog is far more practical than the humans. I would enjoy a pool in the summer, but leaving the water in and letting it turn to ice would provide a sled dog hours of winter fun too. The humans never seem to understand that. Why would you let a pool just sit there useless because the temperature is 40 below 0 (F)? I think I would enjoy it more in winter than summer. I really love cold weather. However, with this stupid heat, a dog can use something to cool off. Thank dog the humans (or a smart dog who the humans stole credit from) invented air conditioning.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Complaining About the Heat)

Monday, July 5, 2010

A Special Invitation for Demon Flash Bandit

I don't want to brag, but sometimes a dog gets excited about events in his life and has to share them with others--not because I want to make others feel bad, but because a dog wants to share his happiness with his pals. Imagine just how excited I am that I, Demon Flash Bandit, have been invited to join Sam's Club! Yes, a highly sought after invitation to Sam'a Club is mine. I don't know what I did in the past to which to attribute this astonishing piece of good luck. Was it because I ran for President in the last election? Did the Burger King recommend me for membership? Was it because I look so much like Demon from the movie Snow Dogs? Is it because of some of my brilliant inventions--like the satellite ears for Mickey Mouse hats that let a dog pick up free satellite television? Was it because I write such a fantastic blog that so many people enjoy--or would enjoy if they knew about it? Is it because I peed on so many trees and shrubs that they got in touch with Sam and asked him to give me an honor because they like me so much? Does Sam go to, and has he noticed me when I was a daily diary pick? Did my pal, Bo Obama recommend me for this honor? Did Angel Zoom Smokey tell Sam that she will give him some puppy slaps of justice if he doesn't invite the two of us to join? I suppose it really doesn't matter why since there are so many reasons that I could have been invited that a dog would have a hard time choosing the exact reason I was chosen. The important thing is that I was chosen. Sam sent me an invitation and once I'm a member, I can shop at any of Sam's stores, and get huge discounts on the merchandise. I have the website opened now so that I can check and see what I would like to buy. It does mention something about a membership fee, but I am sure that they would be willing to waive that fee in order to get me to join--that fee is for the regular members, and I'm sure I would be a VVID (Very, Very Important Dog) member. After all, I am Demon Flash Bandit, Siberian Husky. I look forward to seeing other members when I'm out shopping. Where do they keep the Yummy Chummies?

Demon Flash Bandit (Very Important Dog)

Sunday, July 4, 2010

My New Invention

I have an important announcement to make. When children go to Disney World or Disneyland, they can buy Mickey Mouse hats that have the mouse ears so that they can look like Mickey. My new invention is a small satellite that fits inside the ears of the hat so that a dog can pick up satellite television from the hats and it is free. This is why the fashion industry needs to make these hats an accessory that is a must have so that a dog can get free satellite television from the hats of the humans around him. It is necessary for others to wear the hat because if I had to buy my own hat, it would interfere with the concept of "free". Besides, I don't want to walk around looking silly--that is the humans' job. Once all the humans start wearing the hat and all the hats have my new invention installed in them, a dog can pick up free television anywhere he goes. Yes, I am so excited about my new invention. Now I will never miss my television programs again.

Demon Flash Bandit (Inventor)

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Hamster Clothing Anyone?????

Some commercials really stand out, and today this dog is going to discuss one which I found very funny. It is the hamster "rappers" who do the ad for the Kia Soul. I love the hamsters in that commercial. I have to tell you that, at first, I did not realize it was a car commercial because I thought it was a commercial for a new line of hamster clothing. The humans are dressing dogs and even cats so it seems quite logical that hamsters would be the next to get the attention of the fashion police. However, there is no new line of hamster clothing--YET. For any hamster reading this, don't relax too much-=--you never know what the humans will think about next. The hamsters in the commercial compare the Kia to a toaster, a washing machine, and a box--all "vehicles" being driven by other hamsters. Personally, this dog would prefer to drive the toaster, the washing machine, or the box. The car isn't what I consider a pretty car, and I swear I think the box was bigger. To be fair, it was a big box--like a refrigerator box so that could explain why it looked so much bigger. It wasn't like it a shoe box. The great thing about this commercial is that if it doesn't cause car sales to increase, it should at least boost the sales of toasters and washing machines. Perhaps those companies should ask to buy the ad. It would also be great for a company who wants to come out with a new line of hamster clothing. I know a few cats who enjoyed the commercial--they were literally drooling. One of them told me that it could also be a good ad for cat food. What cat can resist eating a hamster?

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing a Commercial)

Friday, July 2, 2010

Martha Stewart's New Pet Line--Who Needs It?

Have you ever noticed that sometimes when the humans hear the news, they get annoyed because they don't like what they are hearing. Now I know how they feel. I was checking out Pawnation on the Internet, and imagine how annoyed I got when I saw that Martha Stewart is launching a new line of pet products. Don't get me wrong--I don't mind new pet products, but I was insulted that the article insinuated that the stuff I have now is making the humans' house look bad. I happen to love my squeaky octopus toy, and I don't care how much I might decide to rip it up, if my humans put it in the trash, I will rescue it. It is my toy, and I happen to love it. I bet Martha does not approve of dogs rescuing trash either. I'm not saying that the stuff she is selling is bad--but who put her in charge of good taste? Does she have paw prints on her walls? Does she have garbage knocked over decorating the kitchen. I think not. There is a photo of toys that look hand crocheted. Is this supposed to make a dog feel guilty if he rips them up? I shouldn't do this, my human probably worked for hours making me this item.....somedog needs to tell her that ripping the toys up is most of the fun. Give me a cheap toy that I can destroy and I will like it a lot better than some silly toy that I have to keep in pristine condition to make the humans happy. We dogs need something to channel our pent up frustration. You know the scenario--a bird is hanging around outside the window. You can see him, and he is singing happily because he knows that you want to get your paws on him. You can't get him because of the window--he knows it, you know it, and the only alternative is to pretend a toy is a bird and rip up the toy. Without that outlet, the humans would be taking a dog in for years of psychological therapy. Maybe you think I'm too hard on Martha Stewart, but I suspect that she is a cat pretending to be a human. Why else would she be planning to annoy dogs with these new products?

Demon Flash Bandit (I Like The Toys I Have)

Thursday, July 1, 2010

I Need a Demonmobile

Batman had his Batmobile and the Monkees had their Monkeemobile. Even hot dogs have the Weinermobile. This dog wants his own car. I can call it the Demonmobile. There is a car named a Demon, but if that were to be "my car", it would have to be modified to be my own personal car. It would have to be red--or blue to match my blue eyes---maybe a blue car with red flames. Yes, that would be a cool Demonmobile. I would prefer a limo type car because those limos have lots of room in the back complete with refrigerators and stuff so that a dog can travel with a lot of tasty food and treats. I would insist on a milkshake machine in the car. A dog does get in the mood for a nice cold drink and what better cold drink than a milkshake? By the way, if you haven't tried an Oreo milkshake from Burger King, you are missing a small bit of heaven right here on Earth. The humans only allow me a taste--but in my Demonmobile, I will have all the Oreo shakes a dog can eat or drink--whatever as long as they end up in my tummy.

My Demonmobile will have personalized license tags with something cool on them like "Demon1" or "DemonFlashBandit--SuperDog". I think the latter one might be a bit long for most licenses. Perhaps I could just go with "Handsomedog" I'll work out the details of the license plate later. I'm sure the state will let me do whatever I want. This dog thinks that most states just have license tags so that they can charge the humans more money. The humans aren't smart enough to see through their gimmick, but I'm a dog so I can see how it really is. You can fool the humans most of the time, but you can never fool the dog.

I think it would be super cool for me to ride around in my Demonmobile and enjoy the scenery as we go by. I could travel to Alaska and enjoy the nice weather there. Summer here in Michigan is such an annoying time--we don't even get any snow then. Sure, the humans are happy about that but what do they know about good weather?

I could enter my Demonmobile in car shows and have all sorts of fun. When there is a parade, my car could be in the parade. Yes, I think having your own special car is something a dog needs. I have to go now. I have to do a bit of research as to what kind of car could be modified to fit my needs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Thinking of My Dream Car)