Monday, December 30, 2013

Movie Review: American Hustle

I went to see the movie American Hustle so, as a service to my many readers, I am going to do a movie review so you can decide if you want to see it. This movie stars Christian Bale, Amy Adams, Bradley Cooper, and Jennifer Lawrence. By the way, since surnames are often derived from the place an ancestor lived or their profession, are we to assume that Christian Bale's ancestors were bales of hay? Isn't it nice to see someone become such a gifted actor when his ancestors were nothing more than food for horses and cows, and bedding for other animals? I bet his were the ones who became Halloween decorations which would explain his flair for drama! Anywho, back to the subject at paw. This movie is about a couple of con artists who end up pulling a major con for the FBI. I can't tell you if it was successful or not, because that could spoil the movie for those who haven't yet seen it. However, I can tell you that the music was good, and it was from the era of the 70's. Jennifer Lawrence played the role of a crazy bitch well. It was nice to see her in a different role from the one she played in The Hunger Games. Now she won't just be typecast as a woman who likes to shoot arrows in action movies to roles where she can play someone who is psycho. Isn't that the dream of most actresses? This is an enjoyable movie which I give 4 paws up, a bunch of doggy kisses, a tail wag, and some doggy treats (but not dingo bones--they are set aside for unusually good movies). This movie would get a 7 1/2 out of 10 on the human movie scale. I would recommend it for a fun day at the movies. Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Scrooge McDuck Will Not Appear on Duck Dynasty!

My recent blog stating that Scrooge McDuck would be replacing Phil Robertson on Duck Dynasty is no longer true.   A&E is cancelling Phil's suspension, and he will be returning to the show without missing even one episode.  This is supposed to be a reaction to all the humans who protested his suspension, but this dog thinks it is because Scrooge McDuck wanted a lot of money to appear on the show.  Let's face it, Scrooge is a miser, and misers like to make money.  I think this is just another situation where the humans are being silly.  It seems to me that Phil's freedom of speech was not violated since everyone seems to know exactly what he said.  I have no idea why A&E got so upset as to suspend him from the show which seems to be an over reaction.  My humans buy a lot of dvds and blu rays and all of them state that the commentary is the opinion of the commentator and not that of the network or movie studio.  An important thing to remember is that, with freedom comes consequences which a lot of the humans seem to forget.  I am free to bark at my neighbor's dog, but if I bark insults at him, and he wants to bite me, that is the consequences of my barking insults.  I can keep my barking to myself if I know it is going to annoy the other dog.  Personally, I think Duck Dynasty would have been a much better show if it was named Dog Dynasty.  However, the family's dogs do make appearances on the show which makes it an okay show in my book.  Any show that includes a dog has to be good!

Demon Flash Bandit (Scrooge McDuck Will Not Appear on Duck Dynasty)

Friday, December 27, 2013

McDonalds Cares About Their Employees!

It does this dog's heart good to know that McDonalds shows such great concern for their employees that they actually set up a website with helpful suggestions to help them manage their money better.  Sadly, this site has been shut down, and now the employees have to call a telephone number to get helpful suggestions.  I don't know why so many humans are talking about this on the Internet.  As a puppy, I refused to eat anything except Burger King, and I can't tell you how many times I overheard the employees discussing how much they should tip their pool cleaners and personal trainers.  I won't even get into how much to tip the valets that park their cars for them when they eat out.  One of the biggest worries that a McDonalds worker faces when trusting a valet  is how to make sure that the valet does not take their 1981 Dodge Aries on a joy ride or, worse yet, steal the valuable car!  I don't have to tell you that you don't see an 81 Aries on the road everyday.  That makes them rare and valuable. 

I think it showed a lot of courage for them to tell their employees that eating their food is unhealthy.  I suppose the next step is to establish a website for their customers so that they can let their customers know not to eat the food.  How many companies are brave enough to admit that their food is unhealthy? 

For those who want more details on their story, here is the link:

I think that the humans should quit criticizing McDonalds, and Mommy should pick up some burgers for a dog the next time she goes out.

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About McDonalds Website)

Movie Reveiw: A Christmas Story 2

In this sequel to A Christmas Story, we join Ralphie and his family in celebrating Christmas 5 years later than the original movie in which Ralphie had to have a Red Ruder BB gun with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time. Of course, he no longer was interested in getting a BB gun. This time he wants a car. This dog loves the original movie, and I think this movie does a great job of keeping with the spirit of the original movie. This movie came out last year, and probably hasn't done that well, but perhaps that is partly because this movie was a direct to dvd movie. In my humble opinion, this movie should have been shown on the big screen in theatres. I think this movie hits a chord with most viewers because even the oldest Dogs among us can remember a time when we were so excited about gifts, and got just what we wanted. Those are wonderful times etched in our memories. The only disappointing part of the movie was that they did not get the Bumpeses hunting dogs. My guess is that they didn't have the budget to pay the dogs to appear. I give this movie doggy kisses, 4 paws up, some extra cuddle time, and of course, the inevitable doggy award for human excellence in film. That would be a 10 out of 10 on the human movie scale. Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Review: a Christmas Story 2)

Thursday, December 26, 2013

My Letter to Mr. Santa Paws:

I hope every dog and his or her human had a merry Christmas. I had a nice one myself. I got so many toys and treats that I felt like the luckiest dog on Earth! I even got gifts from several of my doggy pals who live in other states! I had meant to share my letter to Santa Paws with all my readers before Christmas, but my secretary hasn't been doing her job on the computer much lately. You know how the humans are: their priorities are always stupid. My human actually put doing "holiday" stuff above typing my blog. Yes, I know it is ridiculous, but what is a dog going to do? Pay someone to do my secretarial work for me? That would be ridiculous, this dog has better things to do with money than pay a human when I could be using that money to buy dingo bones! Dear Santa Paws, I'd like to thank you for all the wonderful Christmases up until now. You have always come through with wonderful gifts and treats every year. I'm sorry I have neglected to send you a thank you card after each Christmas. It must be depressing to spend so much of your time making toys and delivering them on Christmas Eve, and getting all the letters asking you to bring stuff, and then so few follow through with a thank you card. I know you don't expect much from the humans, but I'm sure you must be disappointed when a dog forgets to follow through with a card or letter of appreciation. We dogs are much more polite than the humans! I'm sure you will bring me lots of nice stuff for Christmas, and I know my humans will give me lots and lots of stuff too so there is no need to ask for specific items. It would make me very happy if you could bring some of my potential gifts to dogs who don't have humans to watch out for them. I am 10 years old now so I'm not a puppy anymore. I am healthy, and plan to spend many more years with my humans and my fellow dog, Angel Zoom Smokey. However, since I am happy and have been blessed with humans I love and humans who love me, I would be happy if you would bring some of the toys you had planned to give to me, and give them to some dog whose life has not been as blessed as mine. If you could scout out some homes while you are delivering gifts and see which ones could use a dog, that would also be very helpful. I hate the thought of so many dogs not having good homes where they can be happy and enjoy the ultimate of dogdom-humans who love them! Thanks in advance for all the wonderful things you have given me this year. Love, Demon Flash Bandit

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Phil Robertson Being Replaced by Scrooge McDuck

Since writing my blog yesterday on the suspension of Phil Robertson on the television program, Duck Dynasty, the network has announced that they have found a replacement for Phil. They think his replacement will solve all the controversy on the subject. The replacement for Phil Robertson is (drum roll please) Scrooge McDuck. I've got to admit that he is perfect for the role. He already has the "duck" name, he is already rich, he is old enough to be the family patriarch. and he has been a media star far longer than the family on Duck Dynasty. The only thing that he has to do is grow his head fur longer, and grow a beard which is remarkably easy for him. A couple of days without a shave, and he is well on the way to looking like Phil. He will also be wearing camoflage clothing so I personally am looking forward to the replacement since I think Scrooge is going to add a whole new twist to the program. I'm not sure how Miss Kay will feel about it, but whatever she feels, she and the rest of the family will need to show "unity" on the subject. I can't wait to see him replace Phil on the Duck Dynasty merchandise. I bet the merchandise will sell even better with Scrooge McDuck on it! I'm glad to see that the "controversy" is over, and the show can return to hunt ducks and blow up dams. The ducks and beavers are really mad about that! Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Phil Robertson's Replacement)

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Ducks and Beavers Not Fond of Duck Dynasty

According to the news, Phil Robertson who is part of the reality show, Duck Dynasty has been banned from future shows due to comments he made regarding people who are gay. I have been wondering when the station that carries the show would finally give in to the protests regarding the show. They have managed to keep the protests quiet; but believe me, there have been protests. First of all, there are the ducks who live in the area where the Robertsons live. The ducks are not pleased that they are constantly being shot at by the humans at Duck Dynasty. They have been holding signs and protesting ever since the show first aired. They are constantly quacking about how they do not enjoy being dinner for the humans. There have also been daily protests by the beavers who are mad that the humans on the show are always blowing up their dams. The beavers work hard building a dam, and then the humans come and make a mess of it. It is frustrating for them, and they feel that the humans are being encouraged to blow up their dams by putting them on the show. I can't even tell you how many other animals (from frogs to deer) have been protesting against the show on a daily basis. You would think that it would be enough to get the studio to pay attention. I think it is a shame that the humans never pay attention until other humans start complaining. I don't really mind having Phil on the show, and I suspect that he will be back. Let's just hope that when he does come back, the studio will tell him to quit going after the animals around him. Those animals are tired of being shot at, and having their handiwork blown up. Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Phil Robertson)

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Winning the Lottery Jackpot is Easy

The new Mega Millions lottery jackpot is up to 586 million dollars. As a general rule, I don't buy lottery tickets, but when the jackpot gets that high, this dog will make the occasional purchase. Sure, the odds are against you, but just think about how nice it would be to win so much! You can buy a whole lot of dingo bones with 586 million dollars. I have my own system which is sure to win. I am going to buy my ticket after the drawing so I can choose the right numbers. Then it is simply a matter of showing up at the lottery office to claim the prize. I'm sure one of the dogs reading this is going to say that the lottery office won't honor the ticket because of the date. but the lottery is run by humans-not dogs, and all us dogs know how stupid the humans are. I'm sure they would never think to check the date. In fact, I'm surprised the humans haven't thought of doing it themselves; but again, they are human and that keeps them from creative thinking. I might also invent a time machine so that I can go back in time to the day before the lottery is chosen, and play the winning numbers. With strategies like those two, I'm amazed more humans haven't won the lottery. It must be difficult being a human. Most of them go to work so that they can feed their dogs, but at least they get the privilege of picking up our poop when they get home. I guess they are luckier than I realized! Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Plans to Win the Lottery)

Monday, December 16, 2013

Birds Should be Nestless

I'm sure that the dogs reading this will want to know my latest twist in my personal war on birds. I recently learned that birds like to incorporate all sorts of things into their nests which includes doggy fur. As a Siberian husky, I am blessed with far more fur than I need, and I live inside so it isn't like I need the fur to stay warm. In fact, I have recently shed enough fur that my humans are wondering how I have any left (yet I do). Therefore, I plan to use this spare fur as ammunition in my ongoing war on birds. I am going to make nests for the birds using some of the excess fur. This is a wise plan because the humans who see me building those nests will think that I am a sweet dog (which I am) because I am watching out for my "feathered friends" (sickening thought, isn't it?). Meanwhile I will be selling these nests which has the added benefit of giving me money for my favorite dingo bone treats. If you haven't tried dingo brand bones, you should. They are delicious! Anywhat, (any dog can say anywho--I like to be creative)the genius portion of my plan is that I will "finance" these nests and make the "reasonable" payments very affordable (if the bird is a billionaire). When the bird gets behind on their payments, then this dog will foreclose leaving the bird nestless. Meanwhile I can resell the nest to another stupid bird. It should not be too hard to fool the birds since they have bird brains in their bird heads! I can't take full credit for this idea. The humans do it, but it is usually something called a bank to which they owe the money. Banks foreclose on houses when the owner doesn't pay. I wonder....are the banks waging war against the humans and if so, are they owned by birds? But I digest (preferably a bird), the only problem with my plan is what will happen if the birds can continue making their payments. It isn't like I want to be some bird's landlord and have the bird calling me up in the middle of a good nap (which could be anytime), telling me to come over because they want to remodel the nest. The last thing a dog wants to hear from a bird is complaints. If you ask my opinion, the only one who should be complaining is a dog. The dog risks getting hit by a "bird bomb" whenever he is outside, and that same dog can hear the bird "singing" stupid songs all day. Believe me. the songs are stupid. I happen to speak "bird". Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing "Nestless" Bird Plan)

Friday, December 13, 2013

Walmart Declares War

In keeping with their annual holiday tradition, Walmart has announced its new adversary in its war on other businesses. Usually it is Amazon, but since that is getting a bit boring, the wise humans running Walmart have decided to go another route this year. They have declared war on the movie studios. Yes, Walmart has decided to get into the entertainment industry. I think this is a natural progression since Walmart can be a very entertaining place to shop. I think this should have the movie studios scared out of their wits (if they have wits) because Walmart is already a very entertaining place to shop what with all the interesting customers that they seem to draw through their doors. It is almost like there is some kind of force field that robs humans of their brains as soon as they enter the lobby of the local Walmart store. Yes, normal humans who can think and are quite normal suddenly become blubbering blobs of stupidity when they get inside the store. I know all the dogs reading this know what I am talking about, and it is sad because humans aren't nearly as smart as us dogs to begin with. The first movie is going to star their favorite spokesman, Larry the Cable Guy who will change his name to Larry the Walmart Shopper. Of course, Larry the Cable Guy is too expensive so they rolled back the price they were willing to pay and hired an illegal alien Larry the Cable Guy impersonator for the part. This movie is going to have a budget of $5,000, and they would appreciate it if the humans would go to Kickstarter to give them the funding for this project. We wouldn't want them to take a chance on losing so much money, would we? If they lose money like that, they might have to start shopping at their own stores, and that would be tragic for them since they would lose their brains as soon as they walk into the lobby. There is no way around that. Einstein would have become stupid if he had shopped at Walmart, but it would explain his weird hairstyle. Many Walmart customers don't seem to have any fashion sense whatsoever. Demon Flash Bandit (Walmart Declares War Again)

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Dogs Who Hoard Treasures

I am so pleased to be featured in a new reality show on the Dog Planet channel entitled, Doggie Hoarders: "Dogs Who Have Treasures Stashed". How did I receive this high honor? I received it because I deserved it! Since I was a wee puppy, I have been hoarding important stuff all over the house. My latest stash includes a box of Ding Dongs that are at least 7 months old. Sure, I could have been impatient and eaten them immediately. However, as any dog can tell you, food is always more delicious if you allow it to age. To get maximum flavor from ding dongs, ho hos, cupcakes or twinkies, they need at least 3 months after the "best eaten by date" before eating and every day that passes beyond that point just makes them better. The big difference in the reality show involving doggy hoarders versus human hoarders is that the dogs watching the show admire the hoarders. The humans are idiots who think the hoarders are crazy or bordering on crazy. It is ridiculous when you think about it. The humans who hoard are not encouraged to do so even though they are less wasteful and more interesting than the non-hoarding humans. Have you ever been inside a house of one of those obsessively clean humans? Talk about boring: their houses are not only boring, but downright annoying. A dog can't find anything fun to chew on or play with in those houses that the humans won't be upset about the dog "messing with". This is why it is so important if you want your house to look nice and be interesting to hire a doggy decorator. They are the only decorators that know what they are doing! Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Dog Hoarding)

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

I Will Let You Know What I Enjoy in Life

Just because I'm a Siberian Husky does not mean that I don't enjoy being comfortable. Last night, I left the bedroom, and of course, the door was left open when I came back. The bedroom tends to be warmer than the rest of the house so there was cold air getting through into the room. I was sitting near the door so it was hitting my fur directly which was not comfortable for this dog. What did I do? I did what any sensible dog would do under the circumstances-I cried until one of my humans shut it for me. Then I went back to sleep. This brings me to my topic for today. Why do the humans always think they know what us dogs want to do? Does it ever occur to the humans that just because I have thick fur that can handle cold well does not mean that I enjoy being cold all the time. Also, we huskies are muscular and like to pull things, but does that mean that we love pulling a bunch of fat butt humans around while they sit there and expect us to do all the work? Believe me, no matter what the humans think, we would rather be napping. I get very tired of the human "know it all" types thinking they know what a dog likes to do and they try to think for us. As long as they have the little human size brains, they will never know how us dogs think. We are too smart for the humans. Now let me take a nap, and keep that door closed! Demon Flash Bandit (Humans Have no Clue What Dogs Enjoy)

Monday, December 9, 2013

Cleaning for Christmas!

Christmas will be here soon. I know this because Mommy brought home a tree yesterday. I know that sounds exciting, but the tree isn't real, and to be honest, I don't find the holiday that amusing except for the gifts I get each year. I bet you are wondering what I don't like about Christmas so I will tell you. I don't like the humans cleaning. Yesterday I had to rescue a box of Milkbone Marro Bones that I had in my stash. I'm sure all the dogs reading this know how important a stash is to a dog! When the humans come in with bags of groceries and various household items, a dog is supposed to check out the bags and see if there are any treats that need to be rescued and put into the "stash". When a pet is dependent on humans who are stupid and have such bad memories that they might forget to feed you sometime in the future, a stash is a necessity! Let's be realistic, they might forget where they live in the future, and not make it home for weeks. This is why a dog has to take care of himself when he can! Anyway, I decided I might as well eat the Marro bones while I had them in my mouth carrying them to the bedroom. You carry your snacks to the bedroom, don' you? I shared some with Angel Zoom Smokey (against my will), and there is still about half a box of them left. I guess I'll finish them later tonight! Anyway, that is why I supervise the cleaning. If you don't keep an eye on the humans, you never know what stupid thing they will do next! I must admit that even though a real tree would be a nice item on which to pee, I've heard that water and electricity do not mix. Sure, it would be handy if you needed to execute a bird (and who among us doesn't want to do that), but they are kind of pretty, and Mommy has some new husky ornament this year. I'm sure the tree will look "huskeriffic"! Demon Flash Bandit (Supervising Christmas Clean Up)

Friday, December 6, 2013

Television Review: Mike and Molly: First Season

Today I am going to do a review of a television program called, Mike and Molly--first season. This television show features a truly talented actress named Suzy Q. Suzy Q is so talented, she plays the part of a male named Jim. Not every actress could pull off such a role. Jim (Suzy Q) is one of the most expressive actresses I have watched in a very long time. Jim doesn't even have to say anything--just the look on his (her) face is enough to show the emotions that were intended. For example, in one episode, when Peggy (Jim's human) said that she could save money by buying Jim bargain chow, the look Jim gave Molly was hilarious. You could tell without Jim even uttering a bark that Jim didn't like the bargain chow! If you should decide to buy this season on dvd, be sure and watch the bonus features. There is an interview with Jim (Suzy Q) that makes the entire season worth watching--or should I say that Jim makes the whole show worth watching? In fact, this dog thinks Jim is every viewers' main reason for watching the show. The humans do a good job, but let's face it, the humans aren't dogs so they aren't going to have the amount of talent that a dog has! Demon Flash Bandit (Television Program Review)Te;e

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Demon Flash Bandit Excluded from Wedding!

My brother, Jeff, was best man at his friend's wedding Saturday, and I didn't even get invited to the wedding! Can you believe it? I refused to put my pawtograph on the card for him. If you don't invite this dog to the festivities, this dog does not give a pawtograph on the card. I'm sure the happy couple will wish they had been more thoughtful about inviting a dog once they realize in years to come that my pawtograph would sell on ebay for a lot of money! I have already sold a bandage worn on my paw on ebay. Let's face it, there aren't that many blogging dogs out there, and how many of the ones who are out there blogging have ran for President twice? I don't know why more humans don't include dogs in on their activities. We love to pawty too, and we are much more fun to be around than many of the humans. They didn't include Angel Zoom Smokey either, but I can understand not inviting her. She can be a real pain in the tail. She barks too much, and I've caught her stealing my treats. However, I bet she wasn't included because of her dogness. There is entirely too much prejudice against dogs in our society which is why I keep running for President. It is going to take a dog in high office to stop the discrimination. I do hope that Chris and Tiffany have the best of luck....they'll need it without being able to auction my pawtograph in the future! Demon Flash Bandit (Not Included)

Friday, November 29, 2013

The Humans Were Cleaning----and I Helped!

I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving. Mommy gave up her traditional Thanksgiving pizza dinner to go to a friend's house where she had a turkey dinner. Who ever heard of eating turkey on Thanksgiving? Another important point--aren't the humans are supposed to stay home with their dogs on Thanksgiving? After all, isn't it the dog that the humans should be most thankful for having around. Now onto the reason that I haven't written a blog recently. My secretary (the human who I own) has been busy with other things--like cleaning the house. I hate it when the humans decide to clean the house. It is a waste of time because it will get dirty again, and I happen to like it better in its "unclean" state. However to show just what a good sport I am, I decided to help with the cleaning. Did the humans appreciate my help? No, they did not!!! When I decide to carry stuff to the middle of the room so that the humans can go through it, they should realize that I know a lot more about cleaning then they do. Do I hear a "thank you". No, I did not. I heard, "Demon Flash Bandit", get out of the way" and "stop doing that". It is amazing we dogs will still help the ungrateful human! Demon Flash Bandit (Good Helper)

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Brian Should Not Have Died!!!!

For those of you who watch Family Guy, I want to let you know that I was both saddened and highly annoyed that their dog, Brian, was killed by a car in the last episode. I would warn you that this is a spoiler alert except for the fact that it is all over the web so I think my readers will already know about this plot twist. What were the writers on Family Guy thinking when they decided to kill Brian? It wasn't funny! In fact, I never think seeing a dog die is anything bur tragic!!! Why not kill one of the human characters. In fact, that old guy in the walker seems a bit strange to me, and he has one walker leg in the grave anyway. Why not let Brian live and kill that old guy? From what I've seen of him in the show, I think there is something more to his character than meets the eye. I don't like to make accusations, but judging from his interest in Chris, that old guy is a dirty old man who the show could live without. Perhaps they should have considered bringing on some new characters, and I would suggest another dog since we dogs are so important to the humans. I do hope that, since this is a cartoon, the writers will find a way to bring Brian back. The world is not as bright without Brain in it. I was looking forward to reading his next novel. I think we should all start an Internet campaign to bring Brian back to life-or we quit watching the show!!! Demon Flash Bandit (Live Dog Because I'm Not on Family Guy)

Friday, November 22, 2013

McDonalds: Great Employee Advice on the Web

With the holiday season fast approaching, I'm sure many of the humans could use some advice on how to spend less and not end up with debt to pay after the holidays are over. I am going to share a link with my readers from McDonalds on how their employees can have a debt free holiday. It is nice to see a company that cares about their employees to the point that they will actually go to the trouble of posting money saving tips on a website. I noticed that giving a Christmas bonus to loyal employees who have worked there all year or raising pay was not an option. I can understand the reasoning behind that. If you just give the employees more money, chances are they will waste it on silly things like food and heat for their homes--or even rent! It is scandalous the amount of money "poor people" throw away on things that are no fun at all! As a service to those "caring" companies, I am going to follow up with my Demon Flash Bandit advice on saving money for the holidays. Their advice was to eat stale bread instead of fresh bread. I think that is wasteful myself when there are perfectly good sandwiches complete with meat sitting in McDonalds dumpsters. Most McDonalds restaurants are probably serviced by waste companies that charge them for pickup so, in addition to providing employee food, the company saves money on garbage pickup which is a win-win-win situation for the company! Some of the dogs will read this and question whether they should be doing this from a health and safety standpoint. Sure, the employee "dumpster diving" might get hurt or eat some food that causes food poisoning, but that is the price you pay for keeping the wages low! Another simple solution would be for McDonalds to start paying their employees more. However, that would mean less profit for McDonalds, and then the upper management might be forced to eat stale bead, and that would be tragic!

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Dogs Included in Obamacare

Normally, I go to great lengths to make sure that my writing meets the highest of journalistic standards. However, on October 2, 2013, I published a blog titled, "Dogs Not Included in Obamacare"! Although I am usually correct, this time I was wrong. Let me share this link with my readers:;_ylt=AiXePKQWV9_tPsRiD89S53EJVux_;_ylu=X3oDMTJhY3Axamo3BG1pdANBVFQgMyBTdG9yeSBKdW1ib3Ryb24gSG9tZSBDYWNoZWQEcG9zAzMyBHNlYwNNZWRpYUF0dFdpZGdldHJvbkFzc2VtYmx5;_ylg=X3oDMTFkcW51ZGliBGludGwDdXMEbGFuZwNlbi11cwRwc3RhaWQDBHBzdGNhdANob21lBHB0A3BtaA--;_ylv=3 I know dogs weren't originally included in Obamacare, but I can only assume that dogs being excluded was the reason for the government shut down. It does a dog's heart good to know that there are caring humans who want us to be included in universal health care coverage. I'm sure Bo Obama, first dog, had some influence on that decision. I hope all the humans know that it is very important that the President always has a first dog. If the President has a "first bird"; well, let's just not think about that possibility. I'm hoping the humans will never stoop so low as to vote in a President who has a pet bird! Demon Flash Bandit (Obamacare Covers Dogs Too)

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Television Review: Underwear Bosses

Sometimes there are new reality shows that are offshoots of ones that are already on. I might add that sometimes the new shows are more entertaining than the original ones that they were taken from. One of my personal favorites is from the reality show, Undercover Bosses. I love the original show because it is very entertaining watching the CEO of a company do menial jobs that pay minimum wage. Although these jobs (judging from the amount of pay and the lack of respect the person doing them receives), are considered to be jobs that any "idiot" can do, the big bosses are often incapable of doing them. I'm not putting down the people who are in charge of large companies. They are the ones who make the "big decisions", perhaps that explains the many recessions that affect the humans, and ultimately, their dogs. I've never understood the humans way of looking at jobs anyway since if you ask the average dog if we would rather sit behind a desk or empty trash cans and clean bathrooms, I can tell you that sitting at a desk would not be what a dog enjoys doing on a job. But I digest.(Isn't it more interesting to digest than to digress?) The new show that I find so interesting is Underwear Bosses. This show is about bosses who, reminiscent of the ones on Undercover Bosses) aren't the brightest bosses in the boss pool. However, they are the ones who are smart enough that they didn't drown in the "boss pool". In the latest episode of Underwear Bosses, the CEO of a large retailer who I won't name--watch the show yourself--came to work in his underwear because he thought that Underwear Bosses were bosses that showed up in their underwear. Thank dog they made a program about it so all us dogs can enjoy their exploits! I give this show 4 paws up and some dingo bones which is a 10 out of 10 on the human television scale. Demon Flash Bandit (Watching Underwear Bosses)

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Bodhi: High Fashion Dog

Today I am going to discuss a dog who models menswear whose name is Bodhi. He is a shiba inu who is also a high fashion dog model. Here is the link: If you watch the video, they are asking for humans to send photos of their dogs dressed up in clothing, and you might see your dog on the show. I can assure you that you won't see Angel Zoom Smokey or myself. WE DO NOT DRESS IN HUMAN CLOTHING TO MAKE THE HUMANS HAPPY!!!! Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Sticks With His Fur)

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Possible Turkey Shortage!

Butterball has announced that there may be a shortage of large fresh turkeys this Thanksgiving. Here is the link to the story: The problem stems from the fact that turkeys are not getting as big this year. The humans have no explanation for the loss of weight, but I suspect it is because the turkeys got to watch that new movie out this year, Free Birds. I think it is fundamentally wrong that Hollywood puts out such garbage making turkeys and other birds think they are okay when they are not-and never will be! Birds are evil and should not be tolerated by dogs or humans. I don't think blaming Hollywood is totally fair either. I never thought it was a wise idea for the humans to build a gym for the turkeys or to hire a personal trainer. However, humans are stupid so they never think these things out, but then they wonder why their turkeys are skinnier! If you happen to own a turkey farm, listen to the wisdom of Demon Flash Bandit: do not build a gym for them! Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Skinnier Turkeys)

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Movie Review: Grown Ups 2

This movie was a sequel to the original movie, Grown Ups. In the sequel, Adam Sandler's character, Lenny, decides to move back to the small town where he grew up in order to raise his family there. The original cast is back with the exception of Rob Schneider as Rob Hillard, and this dog did miss his character in the movie. Adam Sandler, Kevin Smith, Chris Rock, and David Spade all made it back to star in the sequel to the original funny movie. Although he did not completely make up for Rob Schneider's absence, the deer in the beginning did turn out to be a very funny new character, as did the bus driver. The movie is rated PG-13. I'm sure all of you are wondering if the movie met with my approval, and it did. The movie was not the greatest movie ever made, but it was entertaining, and it did make me laugh. I have to cut the movie some slack because there was a dog in the movie. Although I do not think the dog's talent was utilized to his highest potential, at least the humans recognized that they should have a dog in the movie. I can't tell you how many movies have failed to entertain because the humans wrote the dogs out of the script! I give this movie 4 paws up and no baths. When a movie gets a bath rating from a dog, then that movie is a real "stinker". Get it? Stinker means it needs a bath and dogs don't care for baths! On the human movie scale, I give this movie about a 6 1/2 out of 10. If they want a higher rating, I suggest that Grown Ups 3 have more dogs in the movie! Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Monday, November 11, 2013

The Undercover Human Show!

We had snow here today! Angel Zoom Smokey and myself were very excited about the weather, but my humans do not seem to appreciate snow or ice. I have no idea what is wrong with them, but listing the humans faults would take too long and I've got better things to do so I won't bother. Mommy bought me a new bed about a week ago, and yesterday, she brought home one for Angel Zoom Smokey. Angel was so excited. She said if I had a bed, then she needed her own bed too. Since she usually sleeps in the "big bed" with Mommy, Mommy didn't think she would want the bed, but she said it made her feel good to have her own stuff. I can see her point. I do enjoy having my own bed even if I don't use it all the time. I saw a delightful story in the news today. On the television show, Undercover Bosses, Mike Bloom of Family Dollar got fired for incompetence in the job he was doing. He promoted the employee who fired him which was a wise move on his part. I've said it many times in my blog--the humans in charge do not always appreciate the work done by those who are "beneath" them. Some of those jobs may be harder than they look, but without those employees doing that work, they wouldn't be making any money! I've got to go now. I have signed up as an undercover human. Yes, I go into various homes disguised as a human so I can see how the humans treat their dogs when they don't think any other dogs are watching. Demon Flash Bandit (Undercover Human)

Friday, November 8, 2013

Important Thanksgiving Shopping

I received some bad news involving Christmas shopping yesterday. The local hospital will close their lab on Thanksgiving. Just how does the hospital expect the citizens in Howell, MI to do their Christmas shopping? The big retailers have started opening on Thanksgiving. Sure, they didn't do it years ago, but they have adjusted to the times and realized that they could be making money on the holiday. I know some of the dogs reading this may be thinking, but why would a hospital need to open their laboratory on Thanksgiving? Sure, most of us don't automatically think of a lab as being the best place to buy a Christmas gift, but some of my dad's relatives are from the Carpathian Mountains of Romania which is officially called Transylvania. Daddy always said you can't go wrong buying that side of the family blood from a blood bank for Christmas. Blood is also a cool gift for those Twilight fans who are so hard to buy for because they already have all the Twilight movies ever made including that special one for die-hard fans--Twilight: The Secret Uses of Glitter. Personally, I have not seen any of the Twilight movies because I am not a big fan of vampires. However, I am a fan of Wolfman movies because the wolf reminds me of a dog. I have got to go now and write the hospital administration a letter about the lab being closed. Hopefully, they will see the folly of their ways and decide to open the lab on Thanksgiving. I hope they don't rush to make future decisions without consulting with this dog! Demon Flash Bandit (Working to Improve the Community)

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Gator: Flying Business Class!

I think I speak for animals all over the world when I say that the humans do not always treat us fairly. For example, there was an alligator found at Chicago's O'Hare airport. The alligator was not allowed to board a plane. The airlines have a lot of silly rules about who can board an airplane. Pirates are also not allowed on board. Here is the link for the story! I think when the whole story gets out, and it will, it will leave a lot of the humans at the airlines looking silly. The gator who was trying to get on the plane had a business class ticket. That young gator works for John Deere, and he is the youngest gator to ever hold the position of head of the department that makes Gator utility vehicles. When a big business gator like that is treated so badly, it is truly a blessing to get over the airwaves. It makes sure that us gators will be taken more seriously in the future! Demon Flash Bandit (Gators are People Too)

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

I Don't Eat "Dog Food"

Do you ever wonder if your humans have lost their minds? It is something I contemplate frequently. How did I come to the conclusion that my humans have lost their minds. Mommy bought some new "dog food" at Target. The food Mommy bought was shaped like a roll of sausage, but it is for DOGS!!!! Of course, I refused to try it, and then Angel Zoom Smokey also refused to eat it. I had to sit Mommy down and explain to her that we don't eat dog food! Do the humans really understand that if a dog is on the label, perhaps the food should not be purchased? Humans: you have to explain everything to them! Demon Flash Bandit (Good Dog)

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Movie Review: Captain Phillips Thanksgiving Trip

Today I am going to write a movie review of the movie, Captain Phillips. This movie stars Tom Hanks and it is about a ship and its captain who were aboard the first ship to be seized by pirates in 200 years. Actually, Mommy will be giving me the information in an interview since she went to see the movie, and I didn't. I'll probably go and see it soon, but the humans said I wouldn't be happy at the theatre that day since it was their annual "bring your cat to the theatre" day. I don't mind cats, but if you get a theatre full of them, it would be just too many cats for a dog to deal with. Therefore, I'll wait and probably do another movie review on Captain Phillips next week. Sometimes it is important for the humans to feel that they can do some things that their dogs can do. All us dogs know how difficult it is to find things the humans can do. Let's face it, for the most part, the humans are stupid, and untalented, but we dogs love them anyway. It is so cute when they say they love us!!! Here is the interview: DFB: Okay Mom, I do have the script for the movie, Captain Phillips in my paws so I will ask you some questions from the script so I can keep up with your review. DFB's Mom: Thank you Demon Flash Bandit-both for allowing me to do the movie review for you, and also for being my dog. (She starts singing: Thank you for being my dog which is a bit embarrassing, but also quite sweet). DFB: I'm going to start by letting you talk about the movie so just describe it for my readers. DFB's Mom: Okay Demon. The movie starts out with the turkeys, I mean the Captain, who happens to be a bit of a loner since his crew and himself do not think the same way. The movie takes place in mid-November, and a group of pirates in Somalia captured the ship so that they would have food for Thanksgiving dinner. There was a bunch of turkeys in the cargo hold, and there is no dinner pirates like more than turkey dinner on Thanksgiving. This is probably because pirates are such a polite, well pawed bunch. Captain Phillips shows them how you can enjoy more than just turkey at Thanksgiving because he ordered pizza and everyone LOVED it. Around this house, we always have the ultra traditional Thanksgiving pizza. I think it is nice that Captain Jack Sparrow was willing to play the part of the head pirate. As usual, his performance was Oscar worthy! DFB: Wait a minute, after looking through the script, I don't see any of this going on in the movie. Did you perchance go and see that movie I banned, Free Birds? Free Birds involved a bunch of stupid turkeys who travelled back in time to the first Thanksgiving to keep turkeys off the menu. I think those humans out in Hollywood have lost their minds to make a movie involving birds! Dogs don't want to see a movie about birds, and how do they expect to make money if they can't bring in the dog demographics? ............................................. DFB's Mom:(Demon continued on in a rant for about an hour about how horrible the movie Free Birds is, and how insane it was to make said movie. I will spare you most of the rant because it does get a little gory when he talks about what he would do with a bird before grilling it as a snack. Mom gives this movie a 9 out of 10. She said she enjoyed it immensely. Keep in mind, it might not be for Captain Phillips. I suspect she is reviewing Free Birds. Humans: a dog has to watch them every minute!!! Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Watch out for Zombie Birds!

It is Halloween, so it is time to share one of my greatest fears with my readers. That fear is the possibility of bird zombies. I would be worried about ghost birds, but I don't think they exist. However, zombie birds are a definite possibility. The biggest problem with zombie birds is that you wouldn't be able to tell them from a normal, alive bird because birds have no brains and they just kind of fly around dropping bird bombs at will. The only advantage would be that they wouldn't have enough sense to know that they are supposed to eat brains so they would probably be flying around acting stupid--trying to eat gravels and such. Don't they do that already when they are live birds? Since it is Halloween, and I have sent many of the little feathered varmints to meet their maker, I will be extra vigilante in watching for those zombie birds. I suggest you be extra careful too. Remember, if a zombie bird comes to your door saying "trick or treat", Don't answer it! Demon Flash Bandit (Happy Halloween)

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Ants on Strike!

I recently wrote a dairy entry in which I related how I had decided to start farming. I bought myself one of those Uncle Milty's ant farms. Evidently, Uncle Milty did not have trouble with any of his ants. I couldn't believe what I was seeing on my farm. The ants were on strike for better wages and working conditions. They were carrying their little signs with them wherever they went. I've got to go now, and recruit some help. This looks like it is gong to be a LONG DAY!!!! I really hate negotiating with ants!!! Demon Flash Bandit (Formerly Farmer Demon Flash Bandit)

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Movie Review: The Conjuring

The movie I am reviewing today is The Conjuring. This is based on a true story of a case that was investigated by Ed and Lorraine Warren who were paranormal researchers or demonologists or, (from the skeptics), crazy humans. Of course, you can't "prove" whether these events happened or not, but they are supposed to be real events. The Perron family moved into a farm house in Rhode Island, which unbeknownst to them had a lot of tragedies occur in the house. The house was haunted by many of the people who died under tragic circumstances in the house. The haunting affected the Perron family to the point where they called in Ed and Lorraine Warren to investigate. The Warrens proclaimed the house to be haunted, and then helped the family get rid of the "haunting". The family couldn't just move to another house because the entity would have moved with them. This was a good movie except for the beginning part where the family moved in and their dog refused to come into the house. I think this is yet another case of a dog having sense having to deal with stupid humans! The dog was murdered and it was by the entity in the house. I think when a ghost starts messing with the family dog, then the ghost has stepped over the line and should be kicked out of the house. I give this movie 4 paws up and that would be 8 out of 10 on the human movie scale. I also want to add a bit of practical advice. If you are planning to buy a new house, take your dog with you to look at the house. The dog will be living there too, and if the dog refuses to walk inside, you know not to buy that house. Humans could save themselves so much grief if they just did what their dogs told them to do. By the way, judging from the financial success of this movie, I'm going to venture a guess that there will be more movies based on the Warrens paranormal research. Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Friday, October 25, 2013

Innovative Dog: Demon Flash Bandit

How many times have you heard a dog say, I am in the mood to eat a delicious, juicy steak. I'm sure it has happened many times to many dogs. The dog goes to the supermarket and picks out a nice steak--maybe a porterhouse, and then he brings the steak home and he realizes, much to his dismay, that his mouth is watering for a nice grilled steak, but there is no grill. Maybe he has a grill, but the propane has run out, and filling it would take too much of his bone treat money! What is a dog to do in that situation? This is where the Internet comes to the rescue because, no matter what a dog needs to learn, chances are someone on the Internet has made a video and posted it on how to do it. In my search for how to grill a steak without a grill, I found a very interesting series of programming that I want to share with my readers. That series is "cooking with hoarders". Here is the link for the one in which he shows you how to cook a steak without a grill inside in your own kitchen which means that you can cook a steak anytime of the year which, I don't think I need to tell you, is a handy thing to know. Here is the link: I will warn you ahead of time that if you are a dog who gets sick easily or who has a weak stomach, you might want to skip watching this video. I have to admit that most dogs, including myself, don't really like watching this human cook because it is really disgusting. Just the scene in the beginning where defrosting the steak involves the toilet is enough to make most humans and dogs stop watching, and it does take a lot to make most of us dogs gag. If only there existed an easier way to grill a steak inside that is less disgusting. Wait a minute, isn't that why most humans own a George Foreman grill? Yes, dogs, spend the extra money and get a George Foreman grill. Demon Flash Bandit (Innovative Dog)

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Farmer Demon Flash Bandit

The young humans are always trying to decide what career path they should take when they "grow up". Personally, us dogs usually try to avoid thinking about a career because we are perfectly happy eating, sleeping, and playing. However, since the humans might eventually get tired of working while we dogs enjoy life, they might make us get out and get jobs. This is why I "bought" myself the perfect "job". I just bought myself an ant farm. Sure, I had to come up with the $19.99 to buy the farm, but it seemed like a fair price to buy myself a farm that would provide me with a career and also extra money for dingo bones. Here is the link for those who would like to buy themselves a farm too: The best thing about the ant farm is that you, as the owner don't really have to do the work. The ants do all the work for you. Uncle Milty should market these items directly to dogs since we dogs appreciate getting the work done without having to do it ourselves. I'm looking for the other Uncle Milty product--Uncle Milty's Ant Market. I think if the ants are going to work on the farm, they might as well be the ones taking the products to market. If you decide to order one, be sure you don't do it in a hurry. One of my fellow dog pals ordered one when he was in a hurry, and the "aunt" farm he got in the mail was just a bunch of little old ladies. Demon Flash Bandit (Farmer Demon Flash Bandit)

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Sometimes A Dog NEEDS A Gun

For those of you who haven't read all of my past entries, Mommy cleaned out Daddy's closet, and she left the floor absolutely clear of stuff. This is when I claimed it for myself. Mommy bought a doggy bed for the closet so that, when I want to go in there, I will have a soft, comfortable place to lay. Of course, since it had been about a week, the humans had to clean it out again. They are still amazed at the things I have carried to my "den". I had my Platoon action figure (in its original packaging--I'm not a hoarder, I'm a "collector"). I could live with them getting some of the toys out of there, but they found my more important stash. I had put a nice pair of "camo" binoculars in the closet. I don't know why the humans don't see why I need them. Someone around here has to keep an eye on those evil birds, and I know the humans are never going to do it. They don't even understand the threat that birds are to all of the rest of us. I also like to watch the dogs come and go from the veterinarian's office across the street. I used to go to that vet, but one day one of the humans there said she didn't like huskies, and Mommy thought it was time to switch vets. I've been watching the office ever since. Did they put the binoculars back even though I clearly need them? No, they did not put them back. They were even more amazed by the next item they found. They found my gun that I had put in the closet. It is Daddy's old bb gun )pistol size). What am I supposed to shoot those evil bird varmints with if I don't have a gun? I was a bit upset since Mommy and my brothers said it didn't work anyway. What kind of human doesn't give a dog a working gun? If you go to shoot a bird, and the gun doesn't work, I can guarantee that the little annoying bird will drop a bomb on you. My humans are still trying to figure out how I got the gun and how I managed to get it and binoculars into my new spot. Daddy helped me. Sometimes it is handy to have a human you love on the other side....they can do things without being seen, and that is good for a dog. No, they haven't returned the gun either! Demon Flash Bandit (Sure Shootin Demon Flash Bandit)

Monday, October 21, 2013

Movie Review: Alpha and Omega 2: A Howl-aday Adventure

Today's movie review will be about the movie, Alpha and Omega 2: A Howl-aday Adventure. This movie is the long anticipated sequel to the movie, Alpha and Omega (thus, the number 2 after the title). The exciting thing about this movie is that it is direct to dvd. Therefore, since most dogs aren't allowed in theaters (except for the occasional dog movie critic like myself), a dog does not have to wait to see this highly anticipated movie. In my opinion, this movie would have knocked Gravity out of the top spot for ticket sales this week. (I have already done a review of Gravity. Believe me, I can't understand why so many of the humans are flocking to see this movie. Perhaps it is because it is a great movie to nap through, and they suffer from insomnia.) The HOwl-aday movie is a Christmas movie. I'm sure the dogs reading this can tell from the title, but the occasional human reads my blog, and I have to explain it to them since they have those tiny, human size brains! In this movie, Alpha and Omega are back and this time they have 3 ADORABLE puppies. In my opinion, if you want to get people to see a movie add dogs, but if you add puppies, that is even better!!! The 3 puppies names are Stinky, Claudette, and Runt. Am I the only one who wonders how Stinky got the name? Being a dog, I enjoy all smells, and we dogs don't tend to distinguish good from bad when it comes to smells. Runt gets lost and the family has to find him. Meanwhile he is taken hostage by some mean wolves who are the enemies of Alpha and Omega's pack. You'll have to watch the movie to find out what happens, but it is well worth watching. It made me laugh. It made me cry. It made me hungry. It made me want to lick my paw. It is just one of those movies that accomplishes everything a movie can possibly accomplish. I give this movie 4 paws up. Actually, I give it about 1,000 paws up because I turned all Mommy's stuffed animals on their back so that they would give paws up too--and Mommy has a lot of stuffies. I give it some sloppy dog kisses, and a couple of winks from my blue eyes. I am also giving it my howl of approval which is something that I seldom give a movie. Do yourself a favor and buy this video. Don't just rent it or stream it. Some movies should be kept in a collection so that they can be enjoyed anytime. I also have a wonderful announcement to make involving this franchise. There are 2 more movie sequels in the works. I can't wait to see them!!!! Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Dogs: Better Role Models Than Dinosaurs

I have put on my white "scientist" lab coat because today I am going to write about the Barney generation. Demographers have not yet coined the term, but I'm sure once I use it in my blog, it will become a common household term. The Barney generation is the generation that is coming of age during this time period. They were about the proper age to have watched Barney the Dinosaur on television when they were young so now we can see what influence the big purple dinosaur had on those children. I'm sure many of you are saying, Demon, how could a big purple dinosaur filled with love have anything but a good influence on children. On the surface, that may seem true, but is it really? Let's take a good look at Barney. He is a tyrannosaurus rex which means he is a big ferocious, meat eating dinosaur. This means that if you had run into one in his time period, you would probably be his dinner. This hardly sounds like the behavior of a dinosaur that is filled with love. Perhaps he should have been Barney the large Purple Brontosaurus. They are also large, but they are vegetarians so they don't tend to think of humans as dinner subjects. The Barney generation has been brought up with the concept that life is supposed to be fun, and big purple dinosaurs are friendly. This probably explains why so many of them are applying for work at zoos where they want to work in the dinosaur section. I wonder how they are going to take it when they find out that dinosaurs are extinct? This could bring on a serious bout of Barney depression. Barney depression can only be cured by the Ninja Turtles because no one can be unhappy when talking with a turtle who has serious ninja skilled. I've got to go now. Donatello needs me! Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Better than Dinosaurs)

Friday, October 18, 2013

Bacon: More than Just a Costume!

Halloween is approaching, and the humans always want to dress Angel Zoom Smokey and myself in costume. As you may remember from past entries, I am not the kind of dog who wants to be dressed in a Halloween costume. However, today I thought of the perfect costume for a dog like myself who doesn't love to dress and cooperate. That costume is...drum roll please.... BACON!!! Bacon is the perfect costume because a dog can wear it, and then eat it when he or she gets hungry. It would make a dog smell good too, and licking one's fur would take on a whole new meaning. I think it should be called Halloween Bacon Day

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Movie Review: Gravity

In answer to many of the questions I have received from dogs out there in blogdogdom, gravity is the invisible force that keeps humans and dogs from floating off into space. It is useful for us to have since, without it, life would be kind of strange. However, it does have some pitfalls in that because of it, the humans do occasionally fall and get hurt. Of course, if the humans had the common sense to walk on all 4 paws instead of running around on just their back paws, they would fall a lot less and not get hurt nearly as often. I suppose it is too much to assume that the humans would have a measure of dog sense. Who coined the phrase, horse sense, anyway? I like horses, but they aren't nearly as smart as the average dog. Hollywood recently released a movie titled Gravity. I warned the humans that the trailer didn't look good, and that any film with the title, Gravity, is probably going to be one boring movie. How much can you write about gravity before you decide you never want to hear the word again? I wasn't anxious to see this movie, but I know how much my readers depend on me to review movies and make my recommendations. My recommendation is NOT to go and see this movie. It stars Sandra Bullock as Dr. Ryan Stone and George Clooney as Mat Kowalski. The movie starts with the astronauts outside the shuttle having a leisurely stroll in space and trying to fix some stuff. Then they got hit by space debris largely because the space garbage truck delivered the garbage to the wrong place. The shuttle was damaged, and both astronauts were hanging around out in space hoping to catch a bus home. However, as most of us would guess: there is no bus service from space. I once went to a 3D movie of life on the space station at the Kennedy Space Center, and I thought that was the most boring movie every to be produced in 3D. Rest assured, Gravity has beat out that movie as the most boring movie ever. If they give an Oscar for the most boring movie of the year, that movie should get the award! The only redeeming part of the movie was when Dr. Stone was listening to someone on the radio and there were dogs barking, and Dr. Stone started barking like a dog. I'm sure she did that to make sure I would notice and this dog would give her movie a good review. However, a couple if minutes of barking was not enough to make this movie enjoyable. I give this movie 4 paws down, and I want the time I spent watching it back. Time is just too precious to waste on a movie as bad as Gravity. On the human movie scale, I would give it a 1 1/2 out of 10. I hope my readers appreciate the sacrifices I make for them--that was one BORING movie!!!! Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Demon Flash Crockett

In the early part of American history, there have been a number of individuals whose accomplishments have made them the stuff of legend. One of those characters was Demon Flash Crockett. Demon was born to a pioneer family who lived in a log dog house. From an early age, Demon was expected to get out and "earn his keep". He was born a long time ago--probably in the early 1900's, and life was hard for a lot of the dogs back then. Demon didn't have a cell phone to chat with his doggy pals, and the humans had not even invented Burger King back then. In fact, they hadn't invented hamburgers. You couldn't even buy dog food like they have in stores today because dog food and stores had not been invented either. Dogs had to make their own food at home or forage for tasty treats in the forest. One of the more famous songs in recent years-which is still on the list of top 40 songs is the "Demon Crockett Song, and I am going to share it with you now: Demon Flash Crockett Song Demon, Demon Flash Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier He has beautiful blue eyes and soft, soft fur He killed him a bird when he was only 3 Demon, Demon Crockett, Dog King of the Wild Frontier Demon: The best dog in the world. Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Tales of Legendary Dog)

Monday, October 14, 2013

Humans Fratnerizing With The Enemy

Yesterday when my humans stopped at Kroger for a couple of minutes, there was a man on the parking lot hosting a human/bird public relations seminar. The bird, was the man's PET (like birds can be pets) and he was holing the bird so that humans could approach and make friends with the bird! My brother, William had to go and pet the cockatoo, and he returned to me saying that the bird was soft and he would like to have one as a pet. Yeah, it takes so little to fool the stupid humans! I've been speaking out against birds all my life only to have my own human brother start getting "friendly" with the enemy. I cannot stress this enough: birds are evil. We dogs aren't naïve enough to think that the bird who drops that "bird bomb" on your head did it accidentally. You know the bird was planning it for days. I speak fluent bird, and all they do is sing about taking over the world. They think if they "sing" about it, the humans won't realize that they are planning world domination. Of course, they are probably right since humans are quite gullible. Demon Flash Bandit (Deciphering Bird Lingo)

Friday, October 11, 2013

Hoarder or Collector?

Mommy cleaned out one of the closets in my bedroom. I say it is my bedroom because I am kind enough to allow Mommy to sleep in there too. That is why I'm such a good dog! Anyway, Mommy left absolutely nothing on the floor of the closet. I have laid claim to the closet now, and I am slowly amassing an entire collection of stuff in that closet. I have many things a dog needs to be secure--a Barbie doll (still in its original packaging), a General Zod figure from the Superman movie (also still in its original packaging), and one of Mommy's new shoes (in case I decide to dress as a clown). I caught Angel Zoom Smokey entering my closet last night so I am going to need to hook up a surveillance system and a burglar alarm to protect my stuff. I have already thought of a complicated, hard to break password for the system--1,2,3,4-sounds like a hard one to break. Look at my watch for a minute. you are getting sleepy, and you don't want to remember that number! Demon Flash Bandit (Hoarder or Collector?)

McDonalds CEO Likely Overpaid

Finally, a McDonalds worker has stood up and told the CEO that the place doesn't pay enough. What this dog wants to know is why so many people think that it is okay for these places to pay their employees so little? The amount of wages a human gets depends on the cost of living at the time. During the 1800's, $8.00 an hour would have been big money. It is not today. I am going to venture a guess that if I saw the pay that the McDonalds CEO makes, I would think that he is overpaid, yet so many of the humans think that is okay. Yes, some fast food workers do make a lot of mistakes, and aren't that good at their job. Being bad at their job is a trait that I'm sure is shared by a lot of CEOs judging from how many big companies have had money problems in recent years. One advantage to paying more is that they could get better educated workers who do a better job and make fewer mistakes. As a dog who loves fast food burgers, it would also make me feel better that the human who is making my food knows what they are doing. It seems to me that the food you eat makes you vulnerable to a lot of possible things including food poisoning. This is why I wonder why the silly humans want to hire people and pay them nothing and then let them handle their food. If you ask me, I think the humans who are eating at the fast food places are the ones who should be wanting the employees to get more money! When I eat a hamburger from McDonalds, I don't want to get sick afterward! Here is the link to the topic: Demon Flash Bandit (Practical Dog)

Thursday, October 10, 2013

NYC Cockroaches Loyal to Neighborhoods!

Most of my readers are probably familiar with the famous Statue of Liberty which greets visitors to New York City. How many of you know that there is another famous statue that celebrates some different types of immigrants to New York City? That statue is one of a cockroach who is holding a lantern greeting all the cockroaches who enter the United States. Most Americans are familiar with the words on the "human" statue, "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to be free. The wretched refuse of your teeming shore Send these, the homeless tempest-tossed to me. I lift my lamp beside the golden door. However, on the roach statue, the words are a little different. Give me a messy place to live and some disgusting food garbage, and keep the lights off. It may not sound that good to you or me, but believe me, I've seen roaches cry when they read it. I'm sure many of you are wondering what happens to the immigrant cockroaches in New York City once they get settled in. For the most part, they settle into a neighborhood and stay there. Here is a link explaining it because some scientists have nothing better to do than to take cockroach census records. I know some of the local cockroaches aren't happy to see the new ones arrive. You will always hear them complaining about the cockroaches coming here to steal their jobs. I guess I can see their point about that since there aren't a lot of job openings advertised for cockroaches. I suppose I would get a bit resentful too if I thought foreign dogs were coming here to steal my job. I think I'm safe since I don't think there are many dogs who can type or write blogs the way I do. Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing NYC Cockroaches)

Movie Review: Joe's Apartment

This movie, which was made in 1996, stars Jerry O'Connell as Joe.  Joe moves to New York City to an apartment which happens to be packed to the brim with, yes, you guessed it, cockroaches.  Joe happens to be one of the world's messiest humans so the cockroaches love him.  However, as the movie continues, he meets a girl.  If you guessed she isn't a big fan of cockroaches, then you get the prize (only kidding-there is no prize).  This causes some problems between Joe and the cockroaches.  I give this movie 4 paws up a bunch of tail wags, and some kisses.  That would be a 10 out of 10 on the human movie scale.  If you haven't seen this movie, remember, it comes highly recommended by Demon Flash Bandit, movie reviewer.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Revoew_

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

No Halloween Costume for This Dog!!!!

The leaves are changing color, and the air is getting a big cooler so that means that autumn is arriving.  It also means that the dog dreaded (at least for myself and Angel Zoom Smokey) Halloween holiday will be approaching.  Halloween has the potential to be a great holiday what with the free candy being showered around the neighborhoods.  However, even free candy cannot alter the fact that the humans always see some cute dog Halloween costumes, and they get overly optimistic that their dog, who ordinarily won't even wear a hat, will stand still long enough for the humans to put an elaborate costume on the dog.  Every year, Mommy goes shopping and I hear her telling my brother Jeff that the store had such an adorable Halloween costume that would just make Demon look so cute.  I look cute no matter what.  I do not need a costume to be cute.  The costumes are also getting sillier and more humiliating each year.  Do you really think a dog wants to dress up as a squirrel, frog, a skunk, or a banana.  My Mommy has past Halloween costumes she bought for me which I refused to wear.  One year she tried to dress me as a submarine--this for a dog who hates baths and stays away from water.  What was she thinking when she bought it?  I might add that some of these costumes can be downright dangerous.  For example, let's say you are a dog dressed as a banana, and you run into a monkey.  The monkey sees you, gets hungry, and thinks he has the chance to eat the world's largest banana.  Do you really think a monkey could resist that banana?  Of course he can't so you would be the first dog to be a casualty of a Halloween costume.  You would think the humans would be able to think these things out for themselves, but the humans are brain challenged.  Remember all the dogs reading this:  if your human tries to dress you in a costume, be as uncooperative as possible.  If your humans are like most of them, they will give up after about an hour.  Then you have won!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Dressing in Costume for Halloween)

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Government Shut-down Would not Happen if Dogs were in Congress!

The United States government has been shut down for a week now, and there is no re-opening in sight.  I will take this opportunity to say, "I told you so" because this is the kind of thing that happens when you allow humans to be put in charge instead of dogs.  Did you know that there are presently no dogs serving in the House or the Senate?  Of course, I don't really have to say that since everyone knows that if dogs were running things, everything would go far more smoothly.  Sure, we can be stubborn, but it usually involves something important like food or bones.  We don't get silly over legislation. 

The big issue is Obamacare which Republicans are against.  Evidently, they think it is wiser to shut down the entire government in order to keep "Obamacare"  from going into effect.  This seems silly to me from a strategic viewpoint  because it would be so much smarter to let it go into effect since they KNOW it is going to be such a disaster.  If it goes into effect and the humans hate it, then they will start protesting and the Democrats and Obama will look stupid, and it will be repealed   Of course, if it turns out well and happens to become popular, it could have the opposite effect and make the Republicans look bad.  However, it is this dog's opinion that if you really believe in the things you are standing behind, you won't be afraid to follow through.  I say, let the health care initiative go through and see what happens.   Meanwhile, the government will be paying the furloughed workers for the time they are off.  Isn't that just going to cost more and add more to the budget?  I guess, being a dog, it is hard for me to grasp that concept.  Maybe the next time the humans go to  the voting booth, they will remember this silliness and VOTE DOG!

Demon Flash Bandit (Financial Advisor)

Monday, October 7, 2013

Dog Dynasty!!!!

Normally, I'm not a fan of reality television shows, but I have to make an exception with the show, Duck Dynasty.  Mommy (my human one) bought 3 seasons of the show to see what it was like.  She got curious about the show when she found Duck Dynasty merchandise everywhere she went.  It was at Walmart, Meijer, Kroger,  the lemonade stand down the street, and in Captain Jack Sparrow's treasure chest!  Wait until you see Sparrow in his camouflage

The show is about a family who operates a business making duck calls.  The whole idea of a duck call is interesting.  I know a lot of dogs who would be buying squirrel and  chicken calls if they made them.  The family has 2 dogs:  Jessee 3 and Bo Bo so they are obviously  smart humans.  In one episode, Miss Kay (the matriarch of the family) decides to buy a new couch, but when she gets it home, she decides she doesn't like it.  Why doesn't she like it?  Because the dogs don't like it, and aren't even jumping on it.  You have got to love a human that takes a dog's opinion that literally.  If the dog doesn't like it, it does not stay!!!

I like this show, and the humans on the show.  They seem like very nice humans, and very down to Earth.  Unlike some of the programs where the humans don't seem to live on the same planet as everyone else.  Some of the humans Mommy grew up around were very much like the Robertsons.  Mommy grew up in Georgia, and many of her relatives still live there.  The Robertson family are self described "red necks", and this dog  thinks being a red neck must be lots and lots of fun.  I would even consider wearing a camouflage hat if the humans would take me out hunting.  I don't like to wear clothes, but a dog does what he has to do to get to enjoy the fun things in life.  I do have a suggestion to make the show even better, and that idea is to cancel the ducks and bring on the dogs.  Doesn't Dog Dynasty have a nice sound to it?

Demon Flash Bandit (Suggesting a Pilot Episode of Dog  Dynasty)

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Disney Should Build a Park for Dogs

Disney parks have always been very nice in dealing with those humans who are disabled.  However, recently this practice has been getting some criticism because there has been at least one expose about how some disabled people were charging large amounts of money to go with able bodied families so that they can avoid waiting in line.    Here is the link:

I think Disney was being very nice in the past, but I can understand why they have to change their handicapped policies.  Yes, it isn't fair to those who don't abuse the privilege, but life is not always fair.  Besides, if it continues as it is now, it isn't fair to anyone that the able bodied children get to be first in line just because their parents can afford to pay a handicapped person to accompany them throughout the park.

It is only natural that some of the humans are already complaining about this new policy even though it does not officially go into effect until October 9.  Some of the parents complaining are those whose children are autistic.  I barked at Mommy to find her opinion on this matter since Mommy had 2 sons who were autistic (the oldest one with Asperger's Syndrome died in 2002 at the age of 22).  Although Mommy knows it can be a hard road when the child has a "melt-down, autism is one handicap that is very easy to fake since autistic children do not look any different from non-autistic children.  There are also different levels.  Both of my brothers were high functioning.,  In fact, the oldest one was a child prodigy.  The tricky thing is to remember that although autistic children are not good at waiting in long lines, the new policy does not require a long wait in line.  Besides, the modern method of assuming that the world will always accommodate  the individual is too simplistic.  Sometimes the individual has to learn to deal with the world as it is--because believe me, one day they will be in a situation where they won't have a choice. Having the world cater to them is not educating them to the ways of the world.  Besides,  I've seen plenty of "normal" children have melt-downs when they have to wait long in line.  Children just don't have a of of patience. Patience has to be learned.

Sure, it would be nice to  live in a world where everyone does the right thing, and everyone is honest, but that is not the world in which we live.  If Disney dealt with dogs instead of humans, they would not have these problems which is why they should start implementing my idea:  a resort location that is made specifically for dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit (New Garage)

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Crash Dummy Dogs

I'm not sure if, as a dog, I should be happy or sad about this entry.  Subaru has been working on a seat belt restraint for dogs.  I do applaud the concern Subaru is showing over dogs.  However, as a dog who has doggy seat belts, I don't particularly like them.  Putting one's head out the window happens to be the most fun a dog can have riding in a car.  I suspect that the humans, who aren't smart enough to put their head out the window are jealous of our freedom and fun and are just trying to take it away from us dogs.   Here is the link to the Subaru story:

One  good thing about this test is that the humans have made some "crash dummy dogs" to use in the experiments.  A dog crash dummy is cuter than any human crash dummy ever made, and I bet the dog crash dummies aren't dumb at all compared to the human crash dummies.  My humans actually had a friend who was a crash dummy.  I bet  my readers didn't know that some of the crash dummies are actual people and not mannequins.  My dad worked at the Ford plant in Wixom,  Michigan which is no longer operational.  In its heyday, it manufactured Lincolns.  One of my dad's co-workers had the job of driving the cars from the end of the assembly line onto the car haulers.  He wrecked a couple of Lincolns and he was called Crash Dummy.  I won't divulge his "real" name because my guess is that he didn't choose to be called Crash Dummy.  It was probably a name given to him by his co-workers to annoy him.  Since he often had to drive the cars outside in the winter, it can get very slippery in MI so I'm sure the job was a lot harder than it sounds.   I'm also sure he had to load a lot of cars everyday.

My Mommy does think it is nice that Subaru is watching out for us dogs.  I think Nissan has a car or SUV with a doggy ramp built in.  Mommy does not buy any car that isn't made by an American company.  However, she does think it is very nice that the foreign companies are watching out for us dogs and she thinks Ford and General Motors should follow suit!

Am I the only dog who thinks that the doggy crash dummies are geniuses compared to the humans?

Demon Flash Bandit (Doggy Crash Dummies)

Friday, October 4, 2013

Movie Review: Cloudy With Chance of Meatballs 2

This is the highly anticipated sequel to the original movie, Cloudy With Chance of Meatballs.  In the original movie, our hero (Flint Lockwood) invents a machine that ultimately causes a major food storm.  Because of this event, the inhabitants of the island need to evacuate so that the food can be cleaned up and the machine shut down because it turns out it is still working.  Flint's idol, Chester V, persuades Flint to work for Live Corp. Company to "save the world" from the machine Flint invented.  I can't tell you how it turns out or it would spoil the movie for those who haven't seen it. 

I give this movie 4 paws up, tail wags, some sloppy kisses, and a well deserved howl!  I'm not saying it is one of the better movies being made, but it stars food, and this dog loves to watch movies which feature food!  I would give it a 10 on the human movie scale, but I'm not so sure my humans would be quite that generous.  Mommy said she would give it a 7 1/2.  Of course, you are reading this for a dog's opinion, and I suggest you go and see this movie!  This dog enjoyed it immensely!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Chasing Humans!

Breaking story in the news:  there is proof that Big Foot exists.  Judging from the shoes I see lying around this house, this was not breaking news for me!  I have even suggested in past blogs that the humans should hang out at some shoe stores and wait until someone orders one of the largest sizes.  That is the easiest way to find Big Foot.

There is a link on the Internet  today that assures everyone that there is some HD film of Big Foot on the Internet.  Here is the link:
You know this has to be real because the humans would not "fake" a video just to get more viewers to watch the upcoming documentary that they are filming now.  I'm sure the video must be fact!

Demon Flash Bandit (Searching for Big Foot)

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Dogs Not Included in Obamacare!

I don't like going to the veterinarian, but since Obamacare went into effect, I thought it would be nice if I had health insurance again.  I used to have it when I was a wee puppy, but after Daddy died, Mommy could no longer afford the premiums.  I called Obamacare to see how much it would cost  for a dog to get insurance.  Would you believe that dogs are not included on Obamacare?   No wonder the republicans are so upset over this legislation.  I'm sure they wanted to see dogs included and we weren't!  This is the kind of discrimination that we dogs get so frustrated over.  We watch out for the humans.  We water and fertilize their lawns, we get them up in the middle of the night, and we bark at all dangers--including those bits of dust flying through the air that are so dangerous!
The legislators have taken this matter so seriously that they have shut the government down.  I am willing to negotiate a settlement that will be beneficial to both humans and dogs, and I will get the government going again.  It isn't really difficult negotiation.  I will just make them add dogs to Obamacare, since I'm sure that is what would make so many of the humans happy!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Need Health Insurance Too)

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Captain Tootsie: My Kind of Super Hero

Most dogs are familiar with a cartoon character named Popeye who eats a can of spinach when he needs to beat up the bad guy.  I have never found this cartoon to be realistic because I  am not  fond of spinach.  I don't think anyone  loves spinach.   How he ever became more popular than Captain Tootsie, I'll never know.  Captain Tootsie gained power by eating a tootsie roll,  This is a character to which I can relate.  I have tried the occasional tootsie roll, and they are very delicious.  Here is a link so that you can read more about Captain Tootsie yourself.
I will never understand why the humans haven't filmed a movie about this character.   Captain Tootsie would be the most popular super hero ever!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Captain Tootsie0

Monday, September 30, 2013

Cannibal Nightmares!

In the interest of making television shows more entertaining (and a lot more interesting), two shows that I think would be fascinating television if merged together would be Kitchen Nightmares and Hannibal.  I have not seen Hannibal yet because it does not sound like a show that I would enjoy.  I have also refused to watch all the Hannibal Lector movies.  I would call this new show, Cannibal Nightmares.  I would replace Chef Ramsey because he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would  eat another human.  Perhaps they could get some other "villain" like maybe the Joker from Batman.  I could see him chowing down on another human since he does seem a bit crazy.   Okay, I am going to be honest here, I would not enjoy seeing those two shows put together because the whole idea of cannibalism is disgusting.  However, many of the shows that the humans watch around here aren't particularly exciting.  If they did make this show, and it happened to be successful, I can see other similar shows taking over.  Martha Stewart would be serving human chops, and boring everyone to death making craft items out of bones and intestines.  As I said earlier, I would not want to watch the show,   However, a television show based on the movie, Eight Below or Snow Dogs would be a great show!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Potential New Television Shows)

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Cats Should not be Celebrities

Today I am sharing a link about how some celebrities have pets that have become celebrities themselves.  Here is the link:

This article upset me because, although I can understand people being interested in celebritie's dogs, I have no idea why a cat would become famous.  I don't mind cats, but let's face it, they are still cats.  There is nothing you can do to improve a cat...they are just who they are, and that makes it impossible for them to improve themselves.  Cats, by their very nature, do not even try to please the humans.  It is almost like they are too stupid to know who pays for their food.  We dogs know to be appreciative and act nice so we won't have to get out and get a job.   If jobs were fun, the humans wouldn't complain about them so much.  I am all for making pets celebrities, but not cats!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Speaking Out on Cat Issues)

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Stay Puft Marshmellow Man

For the dogs out there who have seen the movie GhostBusters, one of the scarier characters in the movie is the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man.  My brother has found a big inflatable Stay Puft Marshmellow Man at a Halloween store in Brighton, MI, and he wants one.  Here is the link so you can see the item I'm writing about:

Mommy thinks that is a lot of money to pay for what is essentially a big balloon, but I say that anything made out of marshmellows would be a good thing to buy.  You'd think Mommy would realize that marshmellows are delicious and taste good in a dog's mouth!  Mommy told me that the "inflatable" isn't made of marshmellows, but I know she is wrong,.  If it were full of air like she said, it would be called the Stay Puft Air Man, so calling him the Marshmellow Man would set them up for a lawsuit for false advertising.  I think my brother should buy one as soon as possible. In fact, he should buy more than one. This dog does love mashmellows!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Marshmellows)

Friday, September 27, 2013

Movie Review: Insidious: Chapter 2

This dog does not normally go to many "horror" movies largely because I'm not fond of the genre.  However, since my readers depend on my movie reviews, I went to this movie as a service to my readers  who need to know if a movie is worth going to see or not.  I hate to see my readers waste their money on an inferior movie!

Insidious:  Chapter 2 is a sequel to Insidious, and it continues the story of the Lambert family who had more than their fair share of problems in the first movie, Insidious 2 has some moments that are supposed to be scary, but this dog wasn't particularly scared by the movie.  I know that I am a big, brave dog, but I didn't think the movie was that scary.    If you want to be "super" scared, I would suggest you try going to a different movie.  Although the movie was not "great", it was an "okay" movie, and I give it a tail wag and some tummy rubs from the humans.  This would be a 6 out of 10 on the human movie scale.  The only thing that annoyed me was the "cliffhanger" at the end leaving it open for a 3rd movie.  I don't mind them making more of the movies, but I seldom enjoy cliffhangers at the end of a movie at the theatre.  In my opinion, it is not necessary.  Besides, you don't have to leave a movie with a cliffhanger in order to make another movie.

Demon Flash Bandit

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Dogs Love Hamburgers!

Today I ran across an interesting item in the news, and it is what most Americans spend on lunch,  Here is the link to the item:

One percent of Americans  spend as much as $50.00 on lunch, and it is not necessarily the ones who earn the most money.  In fact, the humans who earn less than $25,000 a year spend, on average, spend $11.70 on lunch.  It makes a dog wonder what they are spending on dinner since lunch tends to be cheaper than dinner.  I don't really care how much the humans spend on food because it is not my money so it has no effect on me.  However, some of their dogs have brought it to my attention because they think the humans should cut back on the things they eat for lunch.  That savings could be used to buy their dogs human food instead of dog food.  I won't even get into how the savings could also be used to purchase dingo bones, and dog toys!  All us dogs know that most of the humans aren't good with money.  They are easily manipulated into buying stupid stuff they don't need so that is why I am writing this blog.  I hope the humans who might read this and overspend on their lunches realize that they could buy cheaper food for themselves, and bring home some burgers for their dog.    I am very fond of burgers, and I eat them everyday.  Some things a dog never gets tired of eating!

Demon Flash Bandit (Advocates Feeding Dogs Burgers)

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Bacon is the Word!

My word for today is "bacon".  Why bacon?  Because I love it.  I love the way it tastes, how it smells when it is cooking, and the texture of it in my mouth.  It is a delightful meat which is banned in many religions because God was watching out for us dogs.  If the humans can't eat it, then it stands to reason that they would feed it to their dogs.  You do know what God spelled backwards is:  DOG so it is only natural that the supreme ruler of the universe would be watching out for us dogs by making sure we get lots and lots of bacon.  Unfortunately, my humans religion does not ban them from eating bacon so Angel Zoom Smokey and myself have to resort to clever means to get more bacon.  NOTE:  Dogs, do not walk around the house in a pig suit hoping to give the humans the idea to buy more bacon.  They have been known to slaughter pigs to get bacon so it is not safe.  Remember, you are dealing with humans and they aren't geniuses!

Speaking of bacon and pigs, how can a store like Piggly Wiggly sell out to a larger chain.  I am sharing a link to the story:

How can a store with such a cute name and cute mascot not do well?  Walmart does well despite their stupid "happy face" which lacks cuteness and creativity.   Give me the pig mascot any day over the happy face. 

Demon Flash Bandit (Bacon is the Word)

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Kibble Nightmares

For those of you who have watched the television show, Kitchen Nightmares, you will understand how I came upon the concept of Kibble Nightmares.  On Kitchen Nightmares, Gordon Ramsey goes to different restaurants all over the United States that are in danger of closing.  He tries to help them discover their problem(s) so that they can continue to stay open.  It is an interesting show.  I enjoy watching it although many times I do wonder how a bank would loan some of the humans who run these restaurants money since some of them seem to do such a bad job with the money they are loaned.  There are no programs on television like this for dogs so I decided to create my own which I think will be a big hit.  That show is called  Kibble Nightmares.  As a dog who eats human food instead of dog food, it amazes me that so many dogs are given kibble instead of regular food (which, in my opinion is human food).  I visited some of these dogs homes to try their cuisine, and I am going to share some of the "unscripted" moments from the pilot episode:

Demon Flash Bandit is visiting the home of Spot, a terrier from Texas.

Demon Flash Bandit:  Nice to meet you Spot.  Did you know that there is a book called Fun With Dick and Jane in which a dog named Spot is featured? 

Spot:  Yes, Demon, that Spot in the book is my great  (50 more greats) granddaddy. 

Demon Flash Bandit:  How nice for you.  You must be proud!!!  Now onto the cuisine you are served by this family.  What do you normally eat for dinner?

Spot:  I am fed kibble.   I have saved the last bowl for you since I didn't mind not eating it anyway, and I wanted you to see how they actually feed me.  I overheard them talking about feeding you hot dogs instead.  I think they are trying to make themselves look good for the you since you are famous and will be writing a blog entry read by millions about their dog feeding habits.

Demon Flash Bandit: It would not have worked.,  I don't like hot dogs and won't eat them.  Now I will try the food. 

Spot brings the food bowl to Demon. Demon takes a bite.

Demon Flash Bandit:  First of all, I don't care for the presentation.  This bowl is shaped like a fish and was obviously meant for a cat.

Spot:  Yes, that is the cat's bowl.  The humans like to save money by making us share bowls.

Demon Flash Bandit:  That is ridiculous!

Demon takes a bite of the food.
Demon Flash Bandit:  This stuff is awful.  It tastes like dried food that isn't worthy of feeding a bird.  Let me go into your kitchen and inspect it.

They go into the kitchen.

Demon "spots" the problem. 

Demon Flash Bandit:  I am throwing this kibble in the garbage, and I'm getting a steak out of the refrigerator for you.  I think the humans just mistakenly fed you dog food like you are a dog. 

Spot:  Thank you so much Demon.  This steak is delicious!

Once again, another Kibble Nightmare solved by me, Demon Flash Bandit!

Demon Flash Bandit (Chef Demon Flash Bandit)

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Disposable Versus Reusable

Is there no end to the "silly problems" that the humans can't seem to solve unless a dog gets involved?  Today I read an article on MSN about the humans who don't have a lot of money having problems getting enough diapers for their babies.  We dogs solved this problem with our puppies centuries ago, and it is called the lawn or grass.  However, the humans aren't going to go with the simple "dog" solution because they insist on making everything complicated.  Here is the link to the diaper article for those who are interested:

I'm sure it is a problem because those disposable diapers can get expensive since babies insist on going through so many of them.  I did some serious research and discovered that there was a time before disposable diapers were invented that involved cloth diapers and washing them once they were used.  Unlike disposable diapers, you can re-use the cloth ones.  Of course, the big companies don't get rich selling diapers, but if it comes to eating or buying diapers, this dog would go for the food!   The article does point out that washing cloth diapers is not an option for many people because they do not own clothes washers, and many Laundromats do not allow people to wash diapers.  However, there is a portable washer that is made by several different companies that will wash clothing, and you do not need a special water hook-up for them to work.  They hook up to the existing water supply. At $100 a month for disposables, wouldn't it be cheaper to give out portable washing machine vouchers to those who need them.  I don't claim to be a mathematician, but it seems that, in the long run, the humans would save a lot of money by using the cloth ones.  Of  course, if they followed their dogs example, they would encourage the babies to go outside and use the grass.  For those who have never heard of a portable washer, here is a link:

What would the humans do without us dogs to show them the way?

Demon Flash Bandit (Solving Yet Another Human Problem)