Monday, December 16, 2013

Birds Should be Nestless

I'm sure that the dogs reading this will want to know my latest twist in my personal war on birds. I recently learned that birds like to incorporate all sorts of things into their nests which includes doggy fur. As a Siberian husky, I am blessed with far more fur than I need, and I live inside so it isn't like I need the fur to stay warm. In fact, I have recently shed enough fur that my humans are wondering how I have any left (yet I do). Therefore, I plan to use this spare fur as ammunition in my ongoing war on birds. I am going to make nests for the birds using some of the excess fur. This is a wise plan because the humans who see me building those nests will think that I am a sweet dog (which I am) because I am watching out for my "feathered friends" (sickening thought, isn't it?). Meanwhile I will be selling these nests which has the added benefit of giving me money for my favorite dingo bone treats. If you haven't tried dingo brand bones, you should. They are delicious! Anywhat, (any dog can say anywho--I like to be creative)the genius portion of my plan is that I will "finance" these nests and make the "reasonable" payments very affordable (if the bird is a billionaire). When the bird gets behind on their payments, then this dog will foreclose leaving the bird nestless. Meanwhile I can resell the nest to another stupid bird. It should not be too hard to fool the birds since they have bird brains in their bird heads! I can't take full credit for this idea. The humans do it, but it is usually something called a bank to which they owe the money. Banks foreclose on houses when the owner doesn't pay. I wonder....are the banks waging war against the humans and if so, are they owned by birds? But I digest (preferably a bird), the only problem with my plan is what will happen if the birds can continue making their payments. It isn't like I want to be some bird's landlord and have the bird calling me up in the middle of a good nap (which could be anytime), telling me to come over because they want to remodel the nest. The last thing a dog wants to hear from a bird is complaints. If you ask my opinion, the only one who should be complaining is a dog. The dog risks getting hit by a "bird bomb" whenever he is outside, and that same dog can hear the bird "singing" stupid songs all day. Believe me. the songs are stupid. I happen to speak "bird". Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing "Nestless" Bird Plan)

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