Friday, May 31, 2013

Movie Review: Fast and Furious 6

I went to see the movie, Fast and Furious 6.  This movie stars Vin Diesel as Dominic Toretto, Paul Walker as Brian O'Connor, and Dwayne Johnson as Hobbs.  I was disappointed with this movie, because, after seeing Paul Walker in Eight Below with the sled dogs, I just assumed that there would be dogs in the movie. Sadly, there were no dogs!  I don't think I need to tell you that watching a movie with only humans and no dogs gets very boring.  I also thought that Dwayne Johnson acted more like a policeman despite the fact that humans named Hobbs are supposed to be butlers.  Wasn't that the name of the butler on Arthur?  This movie had a lot of fighting and car crashes, and after awhile (about half an hour), seeing those events got boring.  The budget for smashing cars must have been huge because they kept crashing cars in just about every scene.  I give this movie 2 paws up and a tail wag which is about a 5 out of 10 on the human movie scale.  I think a lot of  males appreciate action movies like this, but we male dogs prefer to see dogs and not action sequences involving humans.  Every dog knows that the humans aren't coordinated or smart enough to actually do the things they are depicted doing because humans are stupid and dogs are intelligent.  If you are male or if you enjoy action movies, then I would recommend this movie.  However, if you are a dog or a female, skip this movie-you'll be glad you did!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Demon Flash Bandit-The Dog Who Can

Many of us have heard the story of the little engine that could.  This is an inspirational story of a small train that had to do something that, theoretically, the train could not accomplish.  However, the train, through the power of positive thinking managed to accomplish the impossible.  That is the point where most of the humans quit listening to the story.  Therefore, they don't hear the rest of the story about the big engine that got jealous because the little train did better.  The big engine was mad for months until one day he realized that the little engine was just trying to improve himself.  That is when the big engine went back to college and became a turbo engine.  Now when the big engine rolls down the track, he is proud of himself!  He is the first train to have a Phd in railroad tracks.  Sometimes accomplishments of one person will inspire others to accomplish more themselves.  Thanks little engine that are still an inspiration after all these years.

Demon Flash Bandit (The Dog Who Can!)

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Television Show Review: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Today I am going to write about a television show that I like called, "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia".  This show follows a "gang" of humans who are friends--and I use the word "friends" loosely here because any one of them would think nothing of hurting the others--even if only for fun.  They run a bar in Philadelphia (Paddy's Pub) which, needless to say, is not a particularly successful bar.  Judging from the episode where they kidnapped the journalist who gave their bar a bad review, I suppose it is not a good for the characters on the show to say anything bad about Paddy's Pub. These are the kind of humans that even a dog would have a hard time loving, but they are also incredibly funny.  Despite all their shortcomings, and stupidity, they have very high opinions of themselves almost to the point of narcissism.  Nnarcissists with a drinking problem which, if you ask my opinion, is not a good combination.  The shows humor is low class, and crass, but it is still very funny.   This dog has watched every episode on DVD, and I will continue watching it as long as the quality continues.  A dog does need to laugh after dealing with humans all day!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Enjoys It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Cats: Always Causing Trouble

Today I am going to share an entry from the diary of my pal, the ancient Egytian dog, Gahiji. 

Today was an unusual day in the Habibah household.  Habibah got home early because there was  a wildcat strike at the pyramid today.  Yeah, some cat started it because he wasn't getting enough milk.  I have done my duty as a dog and warned them to get rid of cats, but the humans in Egypt like cats way too much.  Anyway, I think the cat was annoyed because the Pharoah thinks he is a god, and the cat says he is a god, and there isn't room in Egypt for 2 gods.  If you ask my opinion, neither of them is a god, but I'm not going to get involved and tell either one of them what I think because I value my fur!  Habibah said that everything should be back to normal tomorrow.  I don't think things will get back to "normal" until they get the cats out of the workplace.  All cats do is sleep all day anyway, and whine because there are no windows in the pyramid, and they like to rest in front of windows.
Gahiji (Ancient Egyptian Dog)

I have to admit that I agree with Gahiji as usual.  I like cats, but they do have a tendency to cause trouble.

Demon Flash Bandit (Keeping Cats out of Trouble!).

Saturday, May 25, 2013

McDonalds Dropping the Angus Burger!

I usually write my blog earlier in the day, but this dog has had a very traumatic day.  As a puppy, I refused to eat any hamburgers except for Burger King. Then about a year or so ago, Burger King made my human very angry.  The employee refused to give me a bacon burger with only bacon and hamburger meat-despite their "have it your way" advertising.  Mommy called the corporate office to complain at which point, she not only did not receive any kind of apology for having an employee argue with her, but she also was told that the individual franchises can charge extra for leaving stuff off.  That is when she told me that I would be eating McDonalds and Wendys burgers from then on, and I have been cooperative.  After all, I may love BK, but there is a principle involved in the situation.  Now McDonalds has made my humans angry.  They have dropped their delicious Angus burgers and replaced them with....quarter pounder burgers.  The Angus burgers are `1/3 pound burgers so they are cheating a dog out of meat which is very serious to us dogs.  In addition, the big addition is quarter pounders with could order them with bacon all along so it really isn't a new burger.  I suspect my humans won't be going to McDonalds much anymore because they mainly ordered the Angus burgers.  They aren't big fans of the rest of the menu.  I guess I'll have to adjust to Wendys now.  Mommy says whenever McDonalds has a burger that actually tastes good, they always drop it from the menu.  I guess even the humans get annoyed at restaurants, and it isn't just us dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Once Preferred Burger King)

Friday, May 24, 2013

Poptart Theft Cannot Be Tolerated!

I saw an item in the news today that gave me an inspirational answer to one of my own problems.  A mother in Charlotte, North Carolina, Latasha Renee Love,  had her 13 year old son arrested for "allegedly" stealing her poptarts.  I'm sure some of you might think that the mother over reacted to the situation.  However, as a dog who has had another dog (namely Angel Zoom Smokey) steal my treats from time to time, I think that this mom's reaction was sensible and I plan to do the same in the future.  If I had seen this item yesterday, I would have had Angel Zoom Smokey arrested for stealing my peanutbutter crackers.  She ate hers, and then she came running over and ate mine.  I was very annoyed, but I do think that having her arrested might be the proper way to get through to her that such behavior will not be tolerated! 

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About Sensible Mother)

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Movie Review: Star Trek Into Darkness

Star Trek Into Darkness is a sequel to the last Star Trek movie, and it stars Chris PIne as Capt. Kirk and Zachary Quinto as Spock.  When there is an attack on Star Fleet from within its ranks, Capt. Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise have to go into space to find and stop the threat.  I give this movie 4 paws up, a tail wag, some kisses, and a few howls which is a 9 out of 10 on the human movie scale.  It is a delightful way to spend a few hours.  If you like Star Trek, you will probably like this movie.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Generous and Unappreciated Dog!

Sometimes a dog just can't win no matter how hard the dog tries.  I decided to be nice to Angel Zoom Smokey, the girl husky who lives here in the house with me so I got her a lovely gift.  The gift was an apron.  I felt it was appropriate since Angel is a girl dog, and all us boy dogs know that girl dogs love to cook and clean so what better gift could I give her than an apron to keep her fur clean while she cooks?  You would think she would be thrilled to get such a thoughtful gift, but she gave me a "puppy slap of justice".  Yeah, she had the nerve to slap me just because she said that girl dogs do not enjoy cooking and cleaning, and I should keep the apron and wear it when I cook in the kitchen.  Is she crazy?  This dog barely even goes into the kitchen.  My human Daddy taught me many years ago to avoid the kitchen because, if you go in there too much, you could be assigned a task.   Daddy was a genius when it comes to avoiding work around the house.  Anyway, I am going to put the apron up until the next time I need to get Angel Zoom Smokey a gift, and guess what she is going to get.  If you guessed apron, then you would be correct. 

Demon Flash Bandit (Generous Dog)

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Motor City ComicCon

I haven't been writing for awhile because my humans were busy going to the Motor City ComicCon.  I might add that this dog attended the show.  I managed to get in because they thought I was a "human in a dog suit.  I got to meet one super famous dog from the past--Lassie.  Yeah, I have always been a very lucky dog!    Lassie was not trying to pass as a human.  Celebrity dogs are usually welcome at events.

I got to meet the actor who played Bill S. Preston, Esquire, in the movie, Bill and Ted whose name is Alex Winters.  He was very nice, and even shook my paw.  I fooled him completely since he thought I was a human.  I suspect he would have been equally nice if he had known I am a dog! 

My human has been watching an old television show, Sanford and Son.  This is about a man and his son who live together and operate a "junk" yard together.  I find this program interesting because I think that would be a great profession for a dog's human to be involved with.  Think of all the "treasueres" a dog could find if his humans had a junk yard. 

I've got to go now.  I am still very tired from walking through the ComicCon. 

Demon Flash Bandit (Attended ComiCon)

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Movie Review: Oblivion

The movie, Oblivion, stars Tom Cruise, who is one of the few people remaining on Earth after Earth has been decimated by a war with the alien Scavs.  He is a drone repairman, and they are getting the last of the Earth's natural resources before leaving to live on another planet.  Then a spaceship crashes which makes him question all that he knows.  The coolest thing about this movie is the house that he lives in which has a super cool swimming pool.  This dog might even consider getting wet if I had that pool here at my house.  Normally, I'm not a dog who enjoys getting you know that is one really super cool pool!  I give this movie 4 paws up which is about a 6 1/2 out of 10 on the human movie scale. 

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Another Service Performed for Humans By Dogs!

My human Mommy has been watching an old television show called Saved by the Bell.  This show's theme song mentions the person's dog eating their homework.  I want to go on record stating that often we dogs do eat homework, but there is a good reason for our snack.  You must remember that humans, just because they are humans are inherently stupid.  This means that, very often, the homework makes the kid look like an idiot.  That is when a dog steps in and eats the homework.  We feel it is better for the student to look lazy than to look stupid.  You're welcome, humans!

Demon Flash Bandit (Eating Homework and Protecting Our Humans)

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Shaking the Family Tree

I'm sorry I didn't write a blog for a day or two.  My human has been getting lazy, but she claims it is because she has an "infection".  I think her "illness" is just an excuse to get out of doing what I tell her to do.  You would think she would be pleased to have a job working for a boss who is as handsome as I, and who is also a dog!  She is one super lucky human!  She doesn't even have to worry about cashing a paycheck with this job. 

Today I am going to write about my ancestor, my great, great, great, great, great, great Granddaddy Jebediah Flash Bandit, who was a "mountain dog".  Jebediah was quite a character.  He had a cabin in the mountains where he mined a "used tissue paper" mine.  It was near a house, and I think the humans called it a septic tank, but Jebediah Flash Bandit was the envy of every dog in the town in the valley.  Many of the dogs talked of his good fortune--how he had found brown gold, Texas tea.   I bet you thought I was going to say that the dogs told him to move to California, but Jebediah was not a California dog.  If anywhere, he would choose to move to Alaska because he preferred snow and ice to palm trees and heat.  He stayed put because no one was going to make him leave his mine, and he became a bit of a loner.  He liked to hang out and take naps in the cabin and go and dig for used tissue paper when he was rested. 

Jebediah had a son, Abraham Flash Bandit, my great, great, great, great, great Granddaddy and he invented the skateboard.  He knew the humans would find it fascinating, and he used to enjoy watching them on the skateboard, breaking bones and taking names.  I don't know why they were taking names....but what dog ever knows what the humans are thinking.

Jebediah's son, my great, great, great, great Granddaddy was Ezekiel Flash Bandit, and he was a police dog with the Canadian Mounties.  He was the most decorated police dog in Canadian history.  In fact, he used to find craft paint and decorate himself--a trait passed down to me because as a puppy, I once painted my nose orange.

As you can see, I've had a lot of famous and colorful ancestors.  Someday I'll have to tell you the story of my grandmothers, who are equally interesting, but now it is time for a nap!

Demon Flash Bandit (Shaking the Family Tree)

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Keeping The Tooth Fairy Employed! ! ! ! ! !

I have an announcement today that should please all the dogs reading this blog.  Did you know that if the humans loose teeth, they get money from the tooth fairy?  Money is useful  because money will allow a dog to buy many wonderful products (from rawhide bones to Milkbones).   What if your humans aren't losing any teeth, you may ask?  The answer is as simple as the claws on your paws....take your paw and knock a tooth or teeth out.  Once out, the humans put the teeth under their pillow at night, and you take the money the Tooth Fairy leaves.  You should get the money because, you are the reason the tooth is out and under the pillow!  I will admit that I have no idea why the tooth fairy would want to exchange money for the teeth, but fairies are as hard to understand as the humans and I quit trying to understand the human world when I was a puppy.  I plan to go and buy some hamburgers with my money....probably at McDonalds.  I have to admit that I think I am one LUCKY dog!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Helping the Tooth Fairy Stay Employed) 

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Customer Appreciation Does Not Include Dogs!!!

Whenever I hear of a case of discrimination against dogs, Demon Flash Bandit will be covering the injustice.  Today that happened at Jimmy Johns.  Jimmy Johns is a restaurant chain that sells delicious sandwiches.  They were having a customer appreciation sale, and the subs were $1.00.  We have a Jimmy Johns in my neighborhood so I walked up there, and got in line to buy a sub.  Most dogs can find $1.00 lying around the house to buy a sandwich so I don't have to tell you that I wasn't the only dog lined up to buy a sandwich.  I know you are thinking, well, Demon, it sounds like everything is going well for you.  You had a dollar, and you bought a tasty sandwich, but it did not work out that way.  None of us dogs were allowed into the store to buy sandwiches.  Just what stupid human made up the rule that dogs aren't allowed in restaurants unless they are service dogs?  Is the government against us dogs?  If so, I would venture a guess that the government has been infiltrated by birds, and that needs to end.  I want all my pals out there to check and make sure that your federal representatives and senators are humans and not birds.  If  you are represented by a bird, let me know so that we dogs can do something about it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Wants a Sandwich)

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Spider and His Web

I usually kill spiders that I find, but yesterday, I chatted with one before I smashed him with my paw. He was bragging about how he invented the "web" that all the humans spend so much time surfing.  Yeah, like any dog is going to believe that a spider could invent the Internet.  Spiders have a reputation for lying and bragging.  Sure, a spider could argue that he is good for dogs because he eats fleas, but spiders are lazy and only eat the fleas that are caught in his web.  By the way, the Internet does not "catch" bugs so that proves that the spider was lying.  After smashing him with my paw, he is now in spider heaven--if a spider heaven even exists.  I doubt that it does!

Demon Flash Bandit (Killing Annoying Insects)

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Diary entry of Phineas Frederick Flea 211

In past blogs, I have shared many diaries of other dogs with my readers including my personal favorite, Gahiji, the ancient Egyptian dog.  However, the diary entry I am going to share today is not an entry that I enjoy sharing since it is from the pen of Phineas Frederick Flea 211 which I found on the floor near where I like to lie.  Of course, I had to use a magnifying glass to read it.  I'm not sure whether it was worth the effort or not.

I Want to Be Demon Flash Bandit's Flea

I am Phineas Frederick Flea 211.  My main goal in life is to be on the fur of Demon Flash Bandit, world famous blogging dog!  If I get to be his flea, I would be the envy of all the other fleas I know.  I keep trying to jump on him, but he keeps dodging me thanks to his superior intellect.  I am a champion jumper so it isn't that I don't have the ability to jump on him, but he is one sly dog who keeps avoiding having me get on him.  I will keep trying because, when you have a name like Phineas Frederick Flea, you never give up!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Enjoying Flea's Diary) 

Monday, May 6, 2013

Humans Complain Too Much!

What is wrong with the humans?  It seems that some of them will complain about anything and everything even if it has no effect whatsoever on them or their lives.  I am referring to the actor, Zach Braff, who has tuned to Kickstarter, a website that allows people to donate money in order to fund projects.  There will be a Veronica Mars movie thanks to the humans giving money on Kickstarter to fund the movie. Braff wants to do a sequel to his movie, Garden State, which will be entitled, Wish I Was Here.   However, since Zach Braff made a decent amount of money starring on Scrubs, some people are saying that he should spend his own money, and not ask for money on Kickstarter.  This is why I don't understand how illogical the humans can be about things that should be common sense.  If a human or dog does not want to give money to Braff to make the movie, then no one is making them do so.  On the other paw, if a person wants to give him money, isn't that their choice?  It isn't like anyone is standing there with a gun at the person's head making them give money on Kickstarter.  Therefore, I don't see any need for the humans to complain about the money Braff receives from Kickstarter.  Mommy has several seasons of Veronica Mars on dvd, and I have watched it with her.  It is an okay show, but I think the world would survive if they never made a movie out of the show.  However, if the major fans of the show want to see a movie about it and are willing to give money to have one made, I'm fine with it.  You won't hear this dog barking one complaint about it.  Why can't the humans who like to complain so much find something to complain about which is worth the time and trouble to complain?  Meanwhile, Zach Braff has my support.  I hope he gets the money he needs to film his new movie.  I also hope that my brother, Jeff, will get the funding he needs on Kickstarter when he finally gets ready to go on there with the webcast on which he has been working.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Approves of Zack Braff's Project)

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Movie Review: Iron Man 3

Iron Man 3:  Searching for an Iron Dog-was the poignant tale of Iron Man who is trying to find the proper dog to be Iron Dog.  Okay, I'm pulling your paw on that one.  Iron Man was not searching for a dog, but this dog thinks the movie would have been much better if that had been the plot for the movie.  The movie was about a terrorist named Mandarin who was responsible for several bombings.  These bombings were a mystery because they couldn't discover how they had happened-until Iron Man got involved.  Let me begin by saying that I like Tony Stark and Iron Man.  He reminds me of myself as a super hero....heroic and intelligent.  I give this movie 12 paws ups (I'm using Angel Zoom Smokey and Phantom Fast Snowman's paws also), 3 tummy rubs, lots and lots of kisses, and a good butt sniffing (and it is not easy to find a movie's butt).  This would be a 11 out of 10 on the human movie scale because this is a good movie.  Some of the "critics" were not as kind, but what do they know?  They are stupid humans.  If you want an intelligent opinion, always ask a dog!  Tony Stark was again played by Robert Downey Jr. who does a great job in the role.  Pepper Potts was played by Gwyneth Paltrow, Don Cheadle played Colonel James Rhodes.  Remember, this is James Rhodes, not Steve Rhodes who was the Bundys' neighbor in the first few seasons of Married With Children.  James Rhodes also has no connection whatsoever to the movie Rhode House (or Road House) about a bouncer who was the most famous bouncer in  all the world.  I do recommend watching both of them, but go to the theatre first to see Iron Man 3.  You'll thank me after you've watched all 3 items. 

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Famous Hedgehogs in History

Twice upon a time, there was a hedgehog named Danny who met a hedgehog named Sonic.  Yes, they met twice because this tale is far better than the ones that only happen once upon a time.  Danny was no ordinary hedgehog, and Sonic was one of those speedy "video game" hedgehogs.  They had so little in common that, the first time they met, they didn't even bother to exchange hedgehog personal information because they didn't think they had anything in common.  That was until they met at the skating rink.  Danny the Hedgehog is a champion skater.  He won the best  hedgehog skater in the world award in 2009.  Sonic is also a good skater, but he can't hold a candle to Danny, and he tried.  He kept trying to get the candle close to Danny, but it just didn't work.  Danny is afraid of fire!  I asked both of them to share the story of the hardest item to find for skating.   Both said it is definitely the skates.  Evidently, the manufacturers aren't anxious to manufacture skates for hedgehogs.  I suppose it is not a big market so they don't bother to make many of them.  I am very glad that the hedgehogs found theirs because their show was very entertaining!

Demon Flash Bandit (Talking Hedgehogs)

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Movie Review: 42

I am going to do a movie review  of the movie, 42.  This movie is the 42nd sequel starting with the movie, 1.  These movies feature a number, and spend at least an hour and a half dedicated to discussing that number.  Yeah, I'm just messing with my readers since 42 is not a sequel, but it is the number that Jackie Robinson was assigned to wear for the Brooklyn Dodgers.  This movie is the story of how Jackie Robinson was signed to play for the Brooklyn Dodgers By Branch Rickey (who was played by Harrison Ford).  By the way, I wonder if they will ever make a movie about the Rickey family which also included his brothers, Limb, Twig, and Tree.  Signing Robinson was a very controversial move during that time since African Americans had never been allowed to play in the major leagues before that.  Jackie Robinson, who was played by Chadwick Boseman faced  prejudice and, yes, even death threats.  For some odd reason, the humans, unlike us dogs, get upset if the humans are a different "color" from them.  We dogs have never understood this concept since, to us, it really doesn't matter if a dog is white, black or brown, the dog will still be treated the same.  Unless it is one of those yappy little chihuahuas who never seem to shut up their barking until the bigger dogs have to remind them that they could smash them with one paw.  No, I have nothing agains chihuahuas as long as they don't get too yappy, and I do understand why they bark so much.  If I were the size of my paw, I'd probably bark so that I would (hopefully) fool the bigger animals around me into thinking I'm really tough. 
This was an excellent movie, and I give it 8 paws up (I'm including Angel Zoom Smokey in on the count), 2 tail wags, a lot of kisses, and some husky fur that we are always shedding around the house so that they can clone a Siberian Husky to be the next one to break into baseball.  I would give this movie a 10 out of 10 on the human movie scale, and I think Jackie Robinson deserves appause for enduring all he endured while still managing to stay a nice guy!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)