Monday, February 24, 2014

My Dog Cave

I think it is about time all the dogs who read my blog will learn just how wonderful I am--like there was any doubt.  When Mommy cleaned out Daddy's closet, I claimed it as mine.  Mommy put a doggy bed for me in there, and I loved my area.  However, Angel Zoom Smokey, the husky who also lives in this house, has been claiming my area as her own.  Did I fight with her or even bark at her?  No, I did not.  I let her use my cave, and I have been sleeping on her bed. I think this proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am a wonderful dog, and Angel Zoom Smokey is lucky to live with such a sweetheart!  By the way, I did have my human hang a sign on the knob of the closet when Angel moved in.  It says, "wipe your paws".  If I get the cave back, I don't want it to have muddy pawprints all over!

Demon Flash Bandit (Ceding Dog Cave)

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Movie Review: The Lego Movie

Despite the lack of dogs in this movie, I am still giving it a good review.  I know that most of you are thinking, are you sure?  How can it be good without a dog?  I know it is hard to believe, but it is true.  The movie stars a bunch of toy Legos.  The topic of this movie is one that the humans face far too much in life.  Should everything be orderly and neat or should there be complete chaos?  It may be nice to have everything in life neat and in order, but sometimes the nicest things happen when life is allowed to become a bit more chaotic.  The movie has a nice ending, and next Lego movie is already in the works.  I give this movie 4 paws up, some tail wags, a lot of slobbery doggy kisses, and a happy doggy dance!  On the human scale, I give this movie a 9 out of 10. 

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Friday, February 21, 2014

Bad Vending Machine!

There is a news item on the Internet today that is just yelling out for a blog by Demon Flash Bandit (yeah, me).  Here is the link for those who want to read the details:

A man in Iowa was fired because he had a problem getting the candy bar which he had paid for to get out of the stupid vending machine.  He used a forklift to lift the machine and get his candy to come out to him.  He was not only fired, but he was refused unemployment benefits.  How heartless is a society that does not consider a machine stealing one's candy to be at fault?  I think they should have arrested that machine and sent it to a machine cemetery. No wonder machines continue to steal from the humans (and dogs).  They punish the wrong party. I say that machine should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law--whatever that means.

Demon Flash Bandit (Machines Can be Thieves)

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Dogs Deserve the Best

Since I have been unable to write for several days, I have been saving this topic that I think every dog needs to know about.  That is the recent photo published of Bo and Sunny Obama, first dogs, who are eating their dinner off White House china and crystal.  They are sitting at the White House table where the state dinners are held.  Here is a link for those who want to see the photo:

As you can see, the photo is adorable, but there are humans criticizing the photo, and comparing the Obamas to Marie Antoinette.  This is the most ridiculous attack on dogs since the Russian revolution when most of the Siberian huskies were killed because they were considered a sign of affluence.  Why is it that humans are always getting animals involved in their silly political arguments?  Believe me, I've talked to many horses who aren't happy that their ancestors were forced into a bunch of silly wars because the humans can't seem to get along with each other.  How many innocent horses have died throughout history because of the humans? 

The china was not purchased for the dogs although, if you ask my opinion, and that of my humans, many of the humans who are invited to state dinners are not as worthy of eating off of china compared to the dogs.  Having the dogs eat out of dog bowls would not create any new jobs or help the poor eat better.  In fact, for those on"food stamps" it is the other party that wanted to cut down on the amount of food stamps the humans get.  I know because I have read it in the news.  However, the thing that riles this dog is that a cute photo gets so much reaction from the opposition.  Have they nothing better to criticize?  I feel sure that Bo and Sunny are helping the country go in the right direction.  I always feel better when there is a dog in the White House.  I maintain that Clinton would not have had near the criticism when he was in office if he had not gotten Socks the cat.  A cat in the White House is never a good idea.  I would understand if the humans got upset over cats eating out of White House china.  That would not be a cute photo, but a disgusting one.  By the way, for humans like my Granddaddy who thought that dogs do not belong in the house (thank dog, my Mommy didn't listen), china can be washed, and reused.  It isn't like they are going to throw it away.  My own humans don't really care if they eat from china or not.  Mommy got a service for 6 of Noritake china back in 1976 when she and Daddy got married.  It was never used.  My humans are like us dogs.  They are more interested in the food on the plate and not the plate itself.  However, I would love it if the humans would make special doggy plates out of rawhide so that I could eat the plate after I eat the food!

Demon Flash Bandit (Bo and Sunny Should Eat From Fine China)

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Angry Alligators!

I'm sorry I haven't written, but I have been experiencing Internet problems.  I've mentioned this before, but I do think that AT&T has been taken over by birds, and it is a vast conspiracy against having this dog speak out against the little feathered varmints.  Is a dog going to have to switch Internet providers in order to continue barking about their evilness?

On the subject of conspiracies, I have been watching Conspiracy Theories with Jesse Ventura.  I love that program and so do my humans.  Evidently, the program has been cancelled which annoys this dog.  I suppose Ventura was getting a bit too close to the truth on some of his programs.  The truth really annoys the humans who are trying to get by with stuff.  I don't always agree with the conspiracies even though I may like the idea.  For example, there is one in which they delve into the idea that all the royal families of Europe and even some of our U.S. Presidents have reptilian ancestry. Although I do think it would be funny for the British royal family to have that kind of ancestry, I really don't think they are because, if they did, I think they would be smarter and better looking.  Actually, I did not get the impression that Ventura thought it was a valid conspiracy, but he checks them out if they are reasonable or unreasonable.  One of the shows that I think he got wrong was the one on 9/11.  I wasn't born when it happened, but from the time I was old enough to learn of it, I have thought that it was done by birds who high-jacked an airplane.  Birds are evil and are not to be trusted.  If only Ventura had delved into the high-jacking bird plot.  That is why birds get by with so much.  They are good at fooling the humans.  By the way, I've heard there is a class action lawsuit being brought by a bunch of alligators who are mad that they are being linked to the royal family and other politicians.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Sharing Ideas)

Thursday, February 13, 2014

I'm not Watching the Winter Olympics

Herro.  That is how Angel Zoom Smokey and myself say hello.  We have a problem pronouncing our L's.  I'm sorry about not writing for a couple of days, but my Internet service keeps giving trouble.  I told Mommy it is time to change providers because, evidently, AT&T is run by birds who are trying to keep this dog from writing.   I think this "bird conspiracy" is not getting enough attention from the media. 

I want to share a cute commercial video about a family of dogs called the Barkleys.  I am not endorsing the car company, but I love the commercial.  Here is the link:

The Winter Olympics are happening now, and I have not been watching the games.  I like winter, but I don't really enjoy watching the humans on snow and ice. I love the humans, but most of the time, they aren't that interesting to watch.  The humans are mainly interesting to a dog when they have food for us in their hands or they are about to give us a tummy rub.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Watching Winter Olympics)

Sunday, February 9, 2014

I Like Happy Hips

Mommy bought me a new treat which I am going to tell all you dogs about in case you want to try it too.  The item is called Happy Hips, and it is salmon jerky for dogs.  It has no added hormones,  antibiotics, fillers, and byproducts.  Mommy purchased this product at Target, and it is supposed to be good for us dogs  to maintain healthy joints.  I think this product was mis-named since it may make hips happy, but it made my mouth really happy.  It is delicious.  The package says that a dog should have only two treats a day. Isn't it great that most dogs can't read? LOL  I think you should send your humans out now to buy this product because I recommend it highly!

Demon Flash Bandit (Product Reviewer)

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Demon Flash Bandit: Problem Solver

According to the news reports, the state of California is experiencing a major drought.  As usual, if you want a problem solved, you need to find a dog because we dogs are geniuses.  I have already solved the drought problem for California.  Bring a semi truck to my house and there is enough snow piled up on my driveway to solve their drought problem  I'll admit that the snow from the driveway will probably only take care of Los Angeles, but the snow from the rest of the yard will provide enough water for the entire state.  It is quite a sacrifice for a husky to give up snow, but I'm sure we will be getting some more judging by how generous Mother Nature has been so far this year.
I do expect to receive a nice package of doggy treats from Sacramento as compensation for my generosity. In the future, perhaps the humans will think more rationally about trying to have millions of humans live in a desert.  If the humans thought like me, most of them would be moving to Alaska.

Demon Flash Bandit (Problem Solver)  

Friday, February 7, 2014

Dog Room has Porcelain Watering Bowl

Over the years, we dogs have been given the title, "man's best friend".  In fact, the humans love us so much that there is one room in the house dedicated to dogs.  That room has a porcelain watering bowl, a tub that can be filled with water so that a dog can clean dead animals from outside before he or she eats them, and a sink to wash any paws that might get dirty with anything that doesn't taste good enough for a dog to want to lick off said paw.  By the way, I am very thankful for the tub because, if a bird is killed, a dog wants to be sure and wash off any of those annoying "bird germs".  Some dogs have told me that the tub is meant to torture the family cat, but I think they might not be correct about that since the humans who have cats seem to like them too.  Since there is no cat in our family, I'm not sure about that.  Some of the humans even install a birdet which is a fountain, but most of us dogs don't like to use the fountain, and I don't think that it would get off bird germs good enough to use it for washing dead birds!  I will stick with a tub for that, and I think most dogs would agree with me about that.   These dog rooms are so popular that even humans without dogs have them in their houses because, if they plan to sell the house one day, no one is going to buy it without a dogroom. 

Although it s very nice of the humans to put a room in the house just for the dogs, I'd like to know why most humans tend to do disgusting things in our watering bowl.  This brings me to my idea for a new product.  When a dog is being "housebroken" or needs to stay inside, the humans have invented "puppy pads".  I think the market is ready for "person pads".  The pads can be placed anywhere in the house (even the kitchen so the humans can make food for us while they use them), and the dog's watering bowl will stay nice and clean.  Some dogs do use the watering bowl anyway, but this dog does not.  I have standards, and they do not involve drinking from anything that has been contaminated by the humans.  A dog must be on watch for "human germs" which aren't nearly as bad as "bird germs", but it is still better to avoid them! 

Demon Flash Bandit (Houses Need Human Pads)

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

This Dog Does Not Smoke

CVS announced that they, as of October,  will no longer sell cigarettes at their pharmacies.  As a dog who enjoys musing about the odd behavior of the humans, smoking has been one of the behaviors that I find most intriguing.  I will on go record in my blog stating that I do not, nor have I ever smoked a cigarette.  My humans also do not smoke them.  Smoking makes very little sense to me.  Fire smokes, and this dog tries to avoid getting too close to fire.  It you get to close, it will hurt you.  Yet humans, who think they are so smart, will stand around holding onto a stick of fire and not worry that they might burn their paws.  Of course, as I've written many times in past blogs, humans just think they are smart.  Most of them wouldn't survive a day without their dogs.  In fact, there is an article about that subject in the latest issue of Scientific Dog magazine which should stay on bookshelves until the end of the month of February. 

From my observation,  cigarettes cost a lot of money (which could be better spent on dog treats), they don't smell good (at least that is my opinion), and they are not good for the smoker's health.  I do understand that none of us are going to make healthy choices all the time because this dog has no plans to start eating tofu and bean sprouts.  However, I am wise enough not to smoke a stick that could burn my paws.  If only the humans could be so wise, a lot of them would live longer.

Conpawtuations to CVS for thinking like us dogs.  I suggest that you fill those empty shelves with more doggy treats!

Demon Flash Bandit (Non-Smoking Dog)

Monday, February 3, 2014

Bacon Jerky From The Dingo Company

I know that I often write about the wonderful product, Dingo Bones.  However, they make more than just rawhide bones.  Yesterday Mommy got Angel Zoom Smokey and myself some Dingo brand bacon jerky.  It was delicious.  I highly recommend it to my readers.  This brings me to one of my deep thoughts.  I think Dingo Bones must be owned by dogs because who else but a dog, would understand what we enjoy in treats?   In fact, I think that most successful businesses in the United States and the rest of the world are owned by dogs.  Take a look at an old company:  Hushpuppy Shoes.  That is a company that is obviously run by dogs.  My biggest concern  is the companies being run by birds.   I don't know why the humans allow birds to take over, but I suspect it is because the humans have those little walnut size brains.  Let's face it,  all species cannot be as intelligent as a dog.  Anyway, if Dingo needs a spokesdog, this dog will work for treats-particularly those made by Dingo!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Dingo Products)

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Groundhog Weather Predictions

My humans do not like the latest groundhog forecast by Punxsutaney Phil.  He is predicting 6 more weeks of winter instead of an early spring.  I like the forecast because we huskies happen to enjoy cold weather.  After several mild winters, Mother Nature has finally listened to this dog's complaints and sent a nice winter which I have been enjoying.  It is about time that she listens to dogs because the humans are going to complain about the weather no matter what it is.  In the summer, it is too hot, in the winter, it is too cold; and when it is "just right", they complain about something else.  There is just no pleasing the humans so it is best to please the dogs. 

My humans decided since they didn't like Phil's forecast to check with Michigan's official groundhog named Woody who lives locally at the Howell Nature Center.  It does make sense since Pennsylvania could have a longer winter and Michigan could be having an early spring.  However, much to the humans chagrin, Woody stood with Phil, and he says we will be having 6 more weeks of winter.  That will give the humans something about which to complain.  This dog is pleased, and I plan to send Woody a thank you note.  Sometimes groundhogs can make a dog very happy!  Here is the link to Woody's information:

Demon Flash  Bandit (Word from Woody the Groundhog)

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Tenth Annual Puppy Bowl

Sunday (Feb. 2, 2014) is a big day for sports.  Yes dogs, it is the annual Puppy Bowl which is held for those of us who don't like football and have no desire to watch the humans play football.  Instead they can watch delightfully cute puppies play football in the Puppy Bowl.  This is the tenth year for the Puppy Bowl, and I wonder how the Super Bowl among the humans can even hope to compete with this monumental event.  In addition to the Puppy Bowl, there is a Kitten Bowl, and even a Fish Bowl.  Of course, in this dog's opinion, the one to watch is the Puppy Bowl.  Kittens are inferior, and fish are boring.  Besides, Conan, inspired by the Puppy Bowl has aired the Puppy Conan Show, which is great show.  Anyway, don't miss the Puppy Bowl, and skip the Human Bowl.  The humans are just a waste of time to watch.  They aren't even cute on the field, but the puppies are loaded with cutes!  Here is more information about the Puppy Bowl:

Don't forget:  Tenth Puppy Bowl:  February 2, 2014.  Don't miss it!

Demon Flash Bandit (Announcing Puppy Bowl)