Friday, August 31, 2012

Will Honey Boo Boo Be President?

The recent Republican Convention was not watched by as many people as the television show, Honey Boo Boo. I guess this means that Honey Boo Boo would garner more votes than Romney if she gets her name on the ballot. I find this humorous since I am running for President, and neither party seems to be taking me seriously. I am not even being protected by secret service agents. When you don't take a dog's run seriously, you end up with stupid humans running things! Sadly, Honey Boo Boo is another human and I doubt that she will do a better job than the other humans running. Perhaps if Honey Boo Boo were a bear, there would be hope. However, if this dog votes for a bear, my vote would go to Yogi Bear. After all, he is smarter than the average bear!

Demon Flash Bandit (Presidential Candidate)

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Gas Price Increases Due to Isaac

I feel bad for the humans and their pets living in the areas hit by Tropical Storm Isaac. I hope that things will soon be back to normal in those areas. I heard that gas prices have been increased due to Isaac. The last time the oil companies increased prices was when the moon was full because they were struck by "moon madness". Thus, they didn't know what they were doing. That extra money will go in their pockets so it wasn't all bad for them. I know that many of the humans think that the oil companies are a bunch of greedy jerks. This is not fair. Just because they make record profits when the prices go up does not mean that they are gouging everyone. To hear many of the humans talk, you would think they are greedy and manipulative. Just because they once increased prices because it rained near one of their refineries is no reason to assume that they are jerks. In fact, they are jerks and you don't have to assume it. I say they are jerks, and if Demon Flash Bandit says they are jerks, then they are Jerks (with a capital J). My prayers go out to the people who are affected by Isaac.

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About Greedy Oil Companies)

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

70,000 Birds Killed

I'm sorry about not writing a blog for a couple of days. My secretary was in the hospital, and she does all my typing for me. I hate to have my readers have to go several days without my words of wisdom.
When I saw in the news today that a man killed 70,000 birds and was arrested, I had to read more about it since I thought any human who kills 70,000 birds should be getting a medal. For those who may not have read any of my past blogs, I think birds are evil creatures who are trying to take over the planet. However, he got drunk and turned off the power to chicken houses which killed the chickens. Somehow I find it odd that the chickens will begin to die within 15 minutes of being without power. My grandparents used to have chickens, and they lived in a chicken coop that had no electricity and they thrived just fine without it. I guess modern chickens are a lot more spoiled. Maybe if they can't watch the latest episode of Robot Chicken, they start to commit suicide. Anyway, if he was going to kill birds, he should have stuck with regular birds because Angel Zoom Smokey (a fellow husky) loves to eat chicken, and she is very upset that so many chickens were killed and not being eaten by herself and other dogs. Here is the link to the news:
Demon Flash Bandit (Modern Chickens are Spoiled)

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Endorsement for Demon Flash Bandit for President

Tropical Storm Isaac is headed for Florida, and it is disrupting plans for the Republican convention there. This brings me to the major point of my blog. God is in charge of storms like that, and he is obviously endorsing me, Demon Flash Bandit, as the candidate that should get the votes. Normally, I would not assume this, but it seems like everytime a storm hits anywhere, the Republicans always say that God is punishing this group or that group so I guess this time he is annoyed at them. Personally, I have never believed any of that, but it is their logic I'm using and maybe they know what they are talking about since he is after them too. I think God knows a dog would do a much better job of running the country. The humans have been running the world for a long time and dog knows, they don't do a very good job of it overall. How would things be done differently with me in office. I'll give you a few examples:

1. Dogs would be allowed to go into any store in which they choose to shop. Sure, we can go in most pet stores, but we like to shop at other stores too.

2. Companies that manufacture tainted dog food would face criminal charges.

3. Humans could declare their dogs and cats as dependents on their income tax (and they would have to prove that their dogs aren't eating dog food-we dogs prefer human food).

4. Dogs should be given the royal treatment. After all, we are dogs!

These are just a few of the changes I would make. Be sure and vote for Demon Flash Bandit on election day. I am not only the best candidate, but I have God's endorsement!

Demon Flash Bandit (I Deserve the Votes)

Saturday, August 25, 2012

National Dog Day

Tomorrow is National Dog Day. This is the best day of the year because it is a day set aside to make dogs happy. I can't think of anything better to do any day of the year than to make a dog happy. First, we dogs like a lot of treats, and dingo bones. Rawhide bones are okay, but dingo bones are better. We also prefer human food. My rule of thumb is, if the humans won't eat it, then it should not be served to me. We also prefer meat. Just because a human will eat tofu does not mean a dog wants to eat it! I can't stress this enough! We like new dog toys so we should get a bunch of new toys on National Dog Day. We should also get a lot of attention and, for dogs who enjoy them. walks. For the less energetic dogs, let them nap because naps are also something we dogs are quite fond of doing in our spare time. I am going to quit writing now so that the humans can prepare for all the delightful things they are preparing for their dogs in honor of National Dog Day. I hope all the dogs reading this have fun!

Demon Flash Bandit (Looking Forward to National Dog Day)

Friday, August 24, 2012

Letter From Queen Lady About Prince Harry

Since Prince Harry is involved in a scandal involving his partying in Las Vegas, Nevada, I can only assume that he did not benefit from the promise, "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas". Perhaps he has a lawsuit against the Las Vegas tourist industry for making that promise. However, I think the real problem is that his friends might not be looking out for his best interests. I'm sure that many of you are wondering what is going on with his grandmother and how she feels about the scandal so I am going to share a letter she wrote me about it. It just happens that the Queen Lady and I are good friends.

Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
As always, I am glad to hear from my dog pal, and I always appreciate your letters to me. I love the encouragement and advice you offer. As to this recent scandal involving my grandson, Prince Harry, I did appreciate your comment that we humans have such a problem because of our lack of fur. If he had a body full of gorgeous Siberian Husky fur, those photos would not have even gotten the attention of the media. I also want to thank you for your offer to send us some of the fur laying around that you have shed so that we can glue it on ourselves and look more like dogs. However, as you know, no matter how much fur we glue on, no human will ever be as handsome as a dog--particlularly a blue eyed husky like yourself. I do appreciate the offer. I'm sure that you are right about him just forgetting to put on clothes. That kind of thing happens all the time among us humans. If only we were as smart as a dog, we would not face these problems. Anyway, I'm sure it will calm down as soon as someone else in the public eye does something stupid. When dealing with humans, that shouldn't take long. I had a LONG talk with Prince Harry, and I showed him all the clothing he can wear and explained how it works so I'm hoping that this kind of thing won't happen again. I think he understands it now except for the socks. They seem to be giving him some trouble, but who can blame him? Socks are hard to understand. You put them on your feet, but they aren't is like the fashion industry only invented them to confuse us humans. As usual, thanks for your support and I'm so grateful to have you as a friend.

Love, Queen Lady (Elizabeth II)

As you can see, Prince Harry did not mean to cause the scandal, and he now has a good grasp of what to do with his clothing. How was he supposed to know you are supposed to wear it? I have never seen a tag suggesting it be worn...the tag only tells you how to wash and dry it. Anyway, I'm glad that this is another problem solved. Remember, what happens in Vegas might not stay in Vegas, and you won't run into similar problems.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Queen Lady's Letter)

Thursday, August 23, 2012

New Television Show: Hunting for Dog Toys

There is a new television show called Toy Hunter. It is about a human who is searching for toys. This show gave me a brilliant idea (let's face it--most of my ideas are brilliant because I'm a dog). Why not a show starring a blue eyed Siberian Husky (myself) who goes in search of dog toys? I have been collecting dog toys since I was a puppy, and I don't think a dog ever outgrows the need for toys. There is just something comforting about having a dog toy around. I think this kind of show would also bring in the doggy demographics which the networks are so concerned about capturing yet do nothing to capture. What do you expect when you allow a bunch of humans to run things? They are dumb, but we dogs still love them anyway. Since humans run the networks, and they don't have much in the brain department, I feel that, in order to get my own show, I may need the help of my readers. How can you help? You can write the network executives at the following address and tell them that you are a fan of Demon Flash Bandit, and that you would love to see me have my own searching for dog toys show. Here is the address:

Nitwit Network Executives
Hollywood, CA
ATTN: Leading Nitwits

This should get your letter sent directly to the proper people since the post office knows that they are some of the dumbest people in the country, and that is all you need for your letter to get to them. Be sure and get those letters mailed in so I can be starring in a television show that a dog would actually enjoy watching. I will tell you now that my tubey toys will be featured in an episode. Any toy that squeaks EVERYWHERE deserves its own episode!

Demon Flash Bandit (Star of Dog Toy Hunter)

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Movie Review: Total Recall

The movie studio executives were sitting around brainstorming one day (if you can call anything the humans do "brainstorming"). They couldn't come up with a new idea for a movie so one of them said, "let's remake Total Recall". Of course, this sent a sigh of collective relief up from all the executives because what does the world need more than a remake of an Arnold Schartzendog movie? Okay, maybe I spelled it wrong, but I'm a dog and I don't want to look it up, and his name is not easy to spell. They sat around trying to decide who would play Arney's part, and they decided on Colin Farrell (not to be confused with Will Farrell who plays mostly in comedies although it might have been interesting to see what he would have done with the role). They made this decision because any movie in which Colin Farrell stars has such a good box office record. Okay, I just made that up, but it sounds better than the reason they had for choosing him which is probably something stupid.

Farrell plays Doug Quaid/Hauser, who is a factory worker who makes Star Wars stormtroopers at work. You can say they aren't Stormtroopers, but they look like them, and they are even the same colors. They could have at least made them blue or orange or something, but they were white. He was very bored with his life on the assembly line in the factory, and he kept having bad dreams that would wake him at night. He finally decided to go to Total Recall to have a virtual life created for himself so that he would have some cool memories instead of the monotonous memories of a factory worker. He chose secret agent, and he was already one...or he might have been. You don't really know if it was all fake or it if was really happening. I do know one thing. The movie was okay. I went in expecting it to be bad, but I have a duty to watch these movies so I can report back to my blog readers. It turned out to be an okay movie. I give it 3 paws up which is about a 6 out of 10 on the human movie scale. Sure, there are better movies, but this one is not a bad way to spend a couple of hours.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reviewer)

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Sugar is Legal

Have you seen the latest Obama and Romney campaign ads about me? I am very annoyed. I got my paws on a pixie stick, and now I am being accused of using "nose candy". I have never snorted cocaine, and I never will. The pixie sticks are filled with sugar, and this dog will readily admit that I'm very fond of sugar products--candy, cakes, cookies. This will not make a difference when I am in the White House because it is perfectly legal. My human brother poured the sugar into his hand, and I licked it; and yes, my nose did get some sugar on it, but as I said, sugar is legal. I am quite sure all the candidates have indulged in sugar if not on the campaign trail, at least sometime in their life. Also, I don't drink coffee, and I know it is illegal because I've seen the prices at Starbucks and only an illegal substance would be that expensive. Yet the humans running for office aren't even wise enough to hide their abuse of coffee. They drink it right out in the open where everyone can see. Talk about being stupid.....drinking coffee right in front of potential voters and acting like the voters won't be turned off by it. I stand by my eating of the pixie stick and I would eat another one if I could get my paws on one. It was delicious. There is nothing quite like the taste of pure unadulterated sugar.....heavenly is the best word to describe the flavor.

Demon Flash Bandit (Presidential Candidate)

Monday, August 20, 2012

Dogs Aren't Messy: We are Creative

Once again, the humans have invented a product that, in my personal opinion, is useless. It is a dog feeding/watering system that is supposed to keep the place where the dog eats clean. You would think that the humans would realize that a dog's purpose in life is to make messes. Of course, they aren't really messes, but they are interior decorating masterpieces. The humans do not have any sense of style or good taste so they have bland rooms that us dogs find boring. Besides, some food, dropped in strategic places makes for good snacking later on when a dog gets hungry. I do not know why the humans put so much time and effort into inventing such useless products when they could better spend their time giving their dogs tummy rubs. I would share the link, but I don't want it to fall into the paws of the humans who might actually order the item.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Are Not Messy--We are Decorating)

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Television Programming For Dogs

After watching another season of Dexter, the serial killer who only kills evil people, I have decided that if Showtime wants a dog to watch a show like Dexter, they should offer one with a serial killer who kills birds. I would pay for a premium channel to see that. Also, I have some pals who feel the same way about squirrels, mice, and other assorted small animals. I think it is ridiculous that the networks do not schedule any programming for dogs. I can guarantee that dogs are not part of the Neilson families--at least not the part that get to vote. This is wrong since we dogs watch more television than many of the humans. We also have access to more money. Sure, we may not go to the store, and buy stuff for ourselves, but we send our humans to get it for us which means that we influence many of the purchasing decisions in our households. If the networks don't want to listen, there isn't much that can be done except to start our own network... DOG...look for us. Our programs will be better than on the humans networks.

Demon Flash Bandit ( We Need Television Shows for Dogs)

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Movie Review: The Campaign

I am glad I went to see the movie, The Campaign, because it was a very funny movie. It stars Will Ferrel as Cam Brady, who is running unopposed from his district in North Carolina. A couple of CEO's decide that they want a candidate that they can control so they run Marty Higgins, played by Zach Galifianakis. Of course, this means that Cam is no longer running unopposed. Marty is not the "ideal" candidate, because he acts a bit odd, but he is the ideal candidate because he truly cares about his community and wants to do a good job. In the battle between the two candidates, a baby gets hit in the jaw by Cam, and Cam complains that no one is asking him about his hand which hurts after hitting that "iron jawed baby". Spoiler Alert: He also punches Uggie, the dog star of The Artist. Uggie has to wear a cone of shame because of Cam. I'm sure this must have lost him all the dog votes because I will not vote for a candidate who punches an innocent dog! Be sure and watch the movie to see if Cam can win despite not getting the dog vote, but mostly watch it because it is a very funny movie which I recommend. I give it 4 paws up, a tail wag, some kisses, and a nose in the air. That is a 9 out of 10 on the humans movie scale.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reviewer)

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Zombie Dog to Scare Trick or Treaters

Zombies are dead humans who come back to life to eat other humans' brains. This must be highly frustrating for the zombies because the humans have such small, uninteresting brains. This might explain why the zombies never seem to get any smarter no matter how many brains they eat. Dogs do not become zombies because, once a dog has crossed over the bridge, we are not going to hang around Earth to eat brains. We dogs would prefer to hang out in paradise, and enjoy playing and napping until our humans and pals arrive when we can see them again. Only the humans would be dumb enough to hang around Earth and act stupid like zombies. However, you can order a zombie dog as a Halloween decoration which is super cool, and for only $5,700, I can only imagine how many people are going to buy this animated dog to scare the trick or treaters. Since those trick or treaters want free candy that a dog could be eating, I say anything that scares the little deadbeats away is well worth the cost. I am not a fan of human puppies coming to the door and eating all of a dog's candy. For those of you who say it is not the dog's candy, I say, if the dog can get it, then it is the dog's candy! This zombie dog is a very cool item, and I'm sure everyone will want one. Here is the link so that my readers can buy this super cool zombie item:

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About Zombie Dogs)

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Vote Demon Flash Bandit for President!!!!!

As election time in the United States approaches in November, there are more and more campaign ads on television that annoy this dog. When I sit down to enjoy television, it is not to watch commercials--except for a few that I find entertaining. The political ones do not fall into the entertainment category. However, I thought it was just us dogs that got annoyed at the political process. Hank the Cat, who I have written about in the past, is still running for office and wanting to throw the humans out. I can't say that I disagree with the concept, but you do not want cats having too many seats in Congress. Remember, I, Demon Flash Bandit am running for President, and dogs are man's best frient so we will watch out for the humans' interest far more than a cat would. However, I have no problem with the humans for voting for Hank the Cat. At least Hank isn't a human so that is a step in the right direction. Here is more information about Hank the Cat.

Remember, if you want things done right, vote Demon Flash Bandit for President. I think the Oval Office would be a cool place for me to chew on my dingo bones.
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Politics)

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Dogs Solve Problems

I read a news item today about a huge Burmese Python that was found in Florida. It seems that Florida has a lot of new "exotic" species thanks to the humans who deal in exotic animals and reptiles. The humans don't seem to have a clue how to deal with this situation, and the new species often threaten the species that are already there. By the way, in my personal opinion, I think all snakes should be killed. I don't like them and I think they are useless creatures-even more useless than birds! As usual, if you want to get something done properly, you have to consult with a dog, and this dog has a solution the problem. All the humans have to do is to tell the new species that they don't belong there and buy them a plane ticket to where they do belong. I'm sure the species would be much happier in their original home, and would welcome the chance to go back there. You would think the humans could come up with solutions on their own, but they have those little human size brains--not big dog size brains. I'm going to take a nap until tomorrow when I might need to solve more of the humans' problems.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Big Brain--Like All Dogs)

Monday, August 13, 2012

The Three Husketeers

Today I am going to tell you the story of the three husketeers. Many years ago, when we huskies roamed around in Siberia, enjoying the cold, many were on the television show, The Husketeers. This was a group of huskies similar to Disney's Mouseketeers except who wants to watch a bunch of mice? Watching dogs is another matter entirely. The show was the most popular show on Siberian television. The dogs would sing, dance, howl, and sometimes they would do tricks, but they were not big on doing tricks. After all, they are dogs, and do not like to lower themselves to human standards. The three biggest stars on the show were Demon Flash Bandit, Angel Zoom Smokey, and Phantom Fast Snowman (he started out as the stunt dog, but rose to stardom due to his amazing charisma). The people in Siberia started referring to the three as the Three Husketeers. They stayed quite busy between filming the show, and doing guest appearances, and pawtograph signings. Now they are retired and living in the United States. However, if you are lucky, and if you have enough money, you might be able to hire the Three Husketeers for yourself. Of course, they like to nap so it is not easy to get them to agree to do any work. If you retire and continue to work, what is the point of retiring?

Demon Flash Bandit (One of the Three Husketeers)

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Ultimate Human Tease

I decided to go into the kitchen and cook myself some food. I opened the refrigerator (okay, that is one door I have not yet conquered so I stuck my nose in when the humans opened it). What looks tasty, I asked myself? Then I saw it just sitting there in a package....BACON!!!! What could be better than a package of bacon? Yeah, two packages of bacon would be better. I got out the bacon, and then I cooked it and just before I ate it, I hunted the human who was in this video called Ultimate Dog Tease, and I did the same thing to him that he did to that wonderful dog. Here is the link:
Yes, the bacon tasted even more delicious after I did that!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Bacon)

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Dog Watering Bowl Shaped like Toilet Bowl!

Today I want to discuss a dog product that has me all excited. It is a watering dish that looks like a toilet bowl....which of course, is the dog waterer of a dog's dreams. I have a big watering bowl that holds several gallons of water when it is filled, but I want a new one. I want one shaped like a toilet bowl. You can get this cool item on Amazon (and some other places on the Internet), but at Amazon, the humans can also order a toilet bowl mug for themselves so they can drink like a dog. I'm amazed the humans don't already have toilet bowl mugs for themselves. It makes any drink taste better when you drink it out of a toilet bowl! Here is the link:

Be sure and order yours today!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Needs New Watering Bowl)

Friday, August 10, 2012

Fighting Birds With a Time Machine

I was thinking about how nice it would be if there were no birds in know, something dogs like to contemplate from time to time. Then I remembered that I had heard the Bible story of Noah. God told Noah there would be a big flood and he should built a big boat (an ark), and get 2 of each animal and put them in the ark along with his family. I'm sure God told him to leave the birds out of the ark, but Noah was an old man who probably suffered from a hearing loss and didn't hear that part. To correct this, I have decided to build a time machine so that I can go back and make sure that birds do not get on the ark. If they are all killed in the flood, then there will be no birds today to cause problems and plot their domination of Earth. I even have a theory that they caused the flood with all their pee. Sure, the humans thought it was rain, but it was really bird pee. The Bible even says that there was no rain up until the flood--when the birds all decided to pee at the same time. You know that is what happened. Birds are usually behind most of the bad events in the world. Once I go back in time, I can take care of birds and then I will have time to deal with other fleas. Fleas are very high on the list of things dogs hate. Don't worry, I'll be back before I get wet. I really don't care much for being wet! It is too much like a bath!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Building Time Machine)

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Why Make a Cats Musical?

Mommy decided to watch the first and second season of the television show, Fringe. I noticed that the alternate parallel universe is superior to our universe. For those who have never seen Fringe, the alternate universe is similar to our own, but it has some differences. Notably, there is a scene with Olivia riding in a taxi which has an advertisement on top of the car for the musical, Dogs. I have no idea who came up with the idea of the musical, Cats, but I really don't see the point of paying to see a bunch of cats on stage. I'll admit that dogs might not want to be singing and dancing on stage, but if I were a human, I would prefer to see a bunch of dogs over a bunch of cats. I don't even mind cats, but they are still cats--an inferior animal to a dog. I've never seen Cats, but I doubt if they even show them doing the only thing cats do that wins my approval--killing birds! If cats could sing, would people refer to bad singing humans as sounding like a cat being run over....okay maybe that is just me, but I'm sure once I've written it in my blog, it will become a common thing for the humans to say. When something is bad, the humans say it looks like something the cat dragged in which indicates that cats do not know what makes the humans happy. Yet, the humans go and waste good money on a musical starring cats. If you want to see a cat musical, just go to an area with a bunch of feral cats, and listen to them yapping at night. At least you don't have to pay to see that one. It does make one wonder if our universe is really a good place to live when another universe has the good sense to show the musical, Dogs. That is a musical that is worth the price of the ticket!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Prefers "Dogs")

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Angry Birds Hat Inappropriate Hat for Prince Harry

I hate to have to write this since I am not British, but I think the royal family has finally crossed the line and should not be allowed to continue to rule. How did I come to this conclusion? It is a very simple answer.....Prince Harry was seen wearing an angry birds hat. I have written in past blogs about how the royal family seem to enjoy wearing silly hats. Up until now, it is just merely a showing of bad taste. However, birds are evil and are planning to take over the planet so wearing a bird on one's head is highly inappropriate behavior. When a Prince does this, he is giving the message, "birds are okay"-nothing could be further from the truth. Birds are evil varmints that should be killed upon sight. Even cats know this fact, and all dogs know that cats are not geniuses. Yet you have a human who is part of the royal family who is essentially telling his subjects (or his grandmother's subjects-we dogs don't tend to keep up with royal protocol or royal talk) that birds are wonderful and even make a great theme for a hat. Why didn't he just wear a hat with bananas and papayas on it? I would not suggest tomatoes because tomatoes have been known to kill people. (I refer you to the Killer Tomato movies.) If I were British, I would be calling for an end to royal rule due to the family not showing the proper hatred for birds. Here is the link so that you can see for yourself that I am not making this up...he really did wear an angry birds hat:

On a totally unrelated subject, today is zucchini day which is a stupid day in my opinion. Why not just change it to bacon day? If bacon already has a day, it doesn't matter. Bacon is so delicious, it deserves 2 days.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Angry Birds)

Monday, August 6, 2012

The Olympics

I guess it is about time I write about the Olympics since they are in the news everyday. I think it is only proper that I give the history of the Olympics before I talk about the present day Olympics. The Olympics started out back in ancient Greece. The ancient Greeks had a bunch of gods they worshipped who lived on Mt. Olympus. The gods had a fairly easy life mostly sitting around and watching the humans and eating ambrosia. This shows that the ancient Greek gods must have found the behavior of the humans about as funny as us dogs since they were entertained by the antics of the humans--just as us dogs are. The gods started playing games with each other as entertainment, and they they told the humans to take over because it was more fun to watch and eat ambrosia than to actually have to play the games themselves. Different Greek city states would get together to prove how good they were. The Spartans always won the "how much pain can you endure" game. The Athenians won the "who can philosophize" the best. This went on for a number of years. However, under Roman rule, the games ended largely because the Romans were busy taking over other areas, paving roads, and roaming around (how do you think they got the name, Roman?). Also, the Romans decided to re-name the Greek gods so that people would think that the gods were Roman gods instead of Greek gods. I'm not sure how Zeus felt about being called Jupiter by the Romans, but I assume he wasn't too upset since the local Greek restaurant where my humans eat has a Zeus burger. I can only assume that he gave them the recipe.

Now some of my readers are probably wondering, what about the modern Olympic games? There were no Olympic games for centuries, and then (about 110 years ago) someone came up with the idea of having Olympic games again. I am going to assume it is someone who came up with a business plan of making Olympic souvenirs. It is difficult to sell Olympic souvenirs if there is no Olympics. The humans in charge thought that starting them again was a good idea so now the television networks have something else in the sports venue to cover. I am not a personal fan of the Olympics largely because I have yet to see an interesting category. There is no "who can eat the most milkbones in half an hour". Also, there is no "how fast can you eat a rawhide bone category". There isn't even 'how fast can you fetch a ball" category. Therefore I find the games quite uninteresting so I don't watch them. I'm not sure if the ancient gods watch them either. I'm guessing they don't since I'm not really quite so sure that those gods ever existed in the first place, but they make a nice story, and I can see gods being entertained watching how stupid the humans are. It always makes us dogs laugh!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog on the Olympics)

Saturday, August 4, 2012

I Got a New Toy!!!

Today I am going to talk about a new dog toy which I found absolutely fascinating. Yesterday my human went shopping and bought me a new toy. This new toy is a "giraffe" Tubular. It squeaks EVERYWHERE. You can squeeze it on one end, and it squeaks. You push down on the other end, it squeaks. It squeaks in the middle. It is my first "super squeaky", and I LOVE squeaky toys!!! There is no stuffing in the toy, just a toy with delightful squeakiness. I'm sure a dog must have thought of this toy, and some human is probably taking credit for it, but it is truly a dog dream come true! For my fellow dogs reading this blog, if you don't have one of these incredible toys, make sure your humans know you want one. Mommy got mine at the local Meijer store. I'm not sure what other stores carry them, but your human should make it their mission in life to find you one. After all, as a dog, the human's job is to make you happy!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves New Toy)

Friday, August 3, 2012

Wile E. Coyote Should Not Use Acme Products

Many times in past blogs, I have mentioned that I am not fond of birds. They steal my snow every winter, and when it gets warm, they sing about it. It is bad enough that they are thieves without also bragging about it with their singing. For this reason, I have much sympathy for the cartoon character, Wile E. Coyote. Wile E. is always chasing around a bird named Road Runner, who is a super annoying bird. You can tell he has stolen all of Wile E.'s snow because there is never any snow on the ground which explains why Wile E. hates him so much! Despite Wile E. Coyote being a genius, and the Road Bunner being a bird brain, he never manages to catch that stupid bird. I think this is because he orders his products from Acme, which is clearly a company that does not make good products. I can't tell you have many times Wile E. could have been hurt because of Acme. I think he needs to hire Wile E. Attorney, and sue Acme. I think it is their fault that the evil Road Runner is still on the loose, and a bird who is loose is bad for society!

Demon Flash Bandit (Acme: Don't Order Their Products!)

Thursday, August 2, 2012

I'm Not Fond of "Time Keepers"

Time passes so quickly. It seems like it was just yesterday when I was writing a blog. Perhaps that is because I do write a blog everyday so I guess time is running as it is supposed to. However, I am not thrilled with time's partner, the clock. The stupid clock goes off and makes noise which wakes my humans which, in turn, wakes me up. This is not fair or right. Also, the humans can be in the middle of a tummy rub, and suddenly, they quit rubbing my tummy and tell me the clock says it is late. Therefore, the clock and the watch (a clock humans wear on their wrists) has become my enemy. Normally, I do not declare war on household items, but those "time keepers" have annoyed me for the last time. I suggest you do the same. Perhaps if the humans don't have any idea what time it is, they can start doing sensible things with their give their dog a tummy rub! I've got to go now. That talk of a tummy rub sounds wonderful!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Hates "Time Keepers")

Wednesday, August 1, 2012


Today I am going to discuss know the dogs who can predict the future. I do think it is possible for a dog to be able to do this, but most of the dogs I have met who do so are frauds. I am writing this as a public service to help you know if the psychic you are giving dingo bones to is real or a fake. I am going to tell you how to know the difference by using the experiences of someone I know who has been to a psychic, that in my opinion, is a fraud. I am going to give you a script of an actual reading of someone I know who had a reading by the fraudulent psychic.

I am getting a message from the other side. Do you know anyone with a D in their name.

It must be my Aunt Doris, my Uncle Daniel, or my friend, Danielle.

Psychic: I'm seeing an older person.

Psychee: That is my Aunt Doris. She was a teacher for 30 years, and died of a heart attack 2 weeks before her birthday.

Psychic: I sense that your aunt was a teacher. She lived a full life, and had a heart attack.

Psychee: That is right! How did you ever know? Does she have any messages for me?

Psychic: Yes, she does. She said you should give the psychic double the fee and come back every week or you will end up dying one day.

Pyschee: Wow, it is great that Aunt Doris is still watching out for me beyond the grave. I'll do exactly what she says.

Psychic: Do you have a dog who has crossed over.

Psychee: Why yes, I do. I had him for 15 years, and his name was Coal. He was such a good dog. Does he have a message for me?

Psychic: Yes, he does. He says Wolf Wolf.

Psychee: That sounds just like him. He used to bark a lot, and seldom used human language.

If only the pyschee had known that the translation of wolf wolf was; "you are still an idiot, human, go home and quit wasting your money!"

Now you know how fake psychics fool people. Sadly, it isn't that hard to fool many of the humans!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Psychics)