Monday, May 31, 2010

When I Think of Dressing Elegantly, I Think of Mr. Peanut

The humans sometimes try to dress elegantly. Some of them do a good job of it, but no matter how hard they try, this dog thinks none of them will ever look quite as elegant as Mr. Peanut. With this in mind, I am wondering why more fashion magazines don't dedicate more photo space to Mr. Peanut. Don't you think that the men who look over the magazines would see Mr. Peanut and try to emulate his look so they too would look successful and happy? Business men could take a lesson from him. For example, wouldn't you trust a car salesmen who greets you looking like Mr. Peanut? I know I would. Mommy met Mr. Peanut once when she was young at a store in downtown Chattanooga, TN. He was very polite, and it was a big thrill to meet such a famous man. If she were older, perhaps she would have gotten his autograph or peanutograph. I think if school principals dressed like him, they would get a lot more respect from the students. I haven't met any real peanuts dressed like him, but I'm sure there must be a few of them out there. If you meet any, tell them Demon Flash Bandit thinks they are cool. I'm sure they will ask you who Demon Flash Bandit happens to be. Tell them that he is a successful dog.

Demon Flash Bandit (Mr. Peanut: Gentleman)

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Another Vampire Television Show: New Ideas Needed!

Mommy went to see the movie, Prince of Persia, yesterday, which she said was a good movie for those who might be wondering. However, she is not a fan of the commercial ads that so many theatres seem to think are important to show before they show movie trailers of soon to be released movies. Don't even get her started--you pay to see the movie, and then they make you watch commercials. Of course, many movie patrons have decided to start coming later so they manage to miss the ads. I suspect that is what they are trying to do. Anyway, one of the ads was for a new television show called The Gates. Mommy is of the opinion that the entertainment market has already been over saturated by vampires and should find some new and more interesting subjects. Do you really expect us to believe that there are that many vampire actors to fill all these roles? Most vampires like to keep a low profile because the entire world is not filled with their fans. My human daddy had one set of grandparents that came from the Carpathian Mountains of Transylvania in Romania, and his mother took the whole vampire subject very seriously. I suppose if you live near Count Vlad's (Dracule's) castle, the subject might be a bit closer to home than for those of us in other parts of the world. I think most of us wouldn't want to meet up with a vampire if they did exist yet so many Twilight fans seem to think it is the most romantic thing in the world. Personally, this dog thinks romance goes out the window once stealing the human's blood is involved. I have yet to hear a date account that goes like this: "yes it was so romantic. After dinner, we sat and talked and my very pale boyfriend decided to bite my neck and drink my blood. Sure, Dracula was romantic in the movie, Love At First Bite, but Twilight is just silly if you ask this dog. If I meet a girl who wants to drink my blood, she is in for a fight. I can bite back, and I have nice strong Siberian Husky teeth. If God had meant for blood to be a drink, he would have put it in soda dispensers. I hope everyone is having a nice weekend, and I would suggest if you meet a vampire, do the sensible thing and run away--a dog can never be too careful!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Vampires)

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Are They Really Monkees?

I was watching some old television shows the other day, and one of those shows was called The Monkees. The Monkees were a group of musicians/singers who entertained the humans in the 1960's. I have to admit I was a bit confused by the television show. First, one of the lead singers was a sea creature named Davy Jones. This is the guy who wanted Capt. Jack Sparrow's soul in the movie, Pirates of the Carribean, At Worlds End. In the television show, he didn't seem like a scary character at all. Maybe he is only scary if he is in the water. They didn't show his locker anywhere so maybe he got it stolen and that is why he was so annoyed in the movie. Mickey Dolenz seemed human enough, but he was in a circus television show when he was a child, and this dog isn't old enough to have seen the show so I really don't know if he played a human or an animal. Those Hollywood make-up artists are very good at their jobs. I did notice that Michael Nesmith had quite an obsession with prairie chickens, prairie dogs, or prairie hamsters--it is hard to remember exactly which kind of prairie animal he liked so much. Peter Tork was actually Peter Fork which makes a dog wonder if maybe he was upset that he was a fork and not one of those new spork inventions.

Speaking of inventions, Mommy bought me an ice blanket and I love it. She put it in the freezer and when it froze, she put it over me like a blanket. Normally I hate blankets, but that one reminded me of a wonderful, cold winter day in Alaska. Finally, a human has invented something practical--or was it invented by a dog. My money is on the dog.

Demon Flash Bandit (Wondering About Television Shows)

Friday, May 28, 2010

It is Not Just a Car, It is a Wienermobile!

As some of my loyal readers already know, I think dogs should be allowed to drive cars. I've watched the humans drive, and from my observations, I think many of us dogs would be better drivers. I am not advocating allowing cats to drive, but dogs are much better drivers than cats. I have even been accused of being a bit paranoid about the humans refusing to allow dogs to drive. I kept wondering, why would a dog not be allowed to drive? This morning, I realized why the humans don't think we are capable of driving. For those of you of the furry persuasion, you might have noticed that many of the humans have special greetings for the other drivers they meet. I have to admit that I can't hold up my middle claw like the humans can with their fingers, so I have to assume that the humans think that not being able to give the traditional greeting to other drivers should keep us off the road. Since I am a problem solving dog who invents things, it didn't take me long to solve this "problem". I invented a glove that you can put on your paw that has the appropriate greeting. All a dog has to do is lift the "paw" and the greeting is given. I have to add that personally, I'm not so sure that the greeting is really a good idea, but since so many of the humans are so fond of it, I can't argue as to its effectiveness.

As I'm sure many dogs have also observed, the humans like to drive cars that make them feel important. I never really understood their instinct to drive a certain car until I saw the Weinermobile! What dog wouldn't be proud to drive a car that looks like a hot dog? I even did some research and discovered that one Weinermobile has vanity plates and one of them is OUR DOG. If that is not the perfect license plate for a dog's car, I don't know what is. I can just imagine how cute I would look driving around in the "hot dog" car. I happen to be a very hot dog, so what could be more appropriate for me to drive? If I did drive around, my favorite drive would be to Burger King, and I am already a favorite of the employees there. Having me drive through drive thru in a Wienermobile would have to be the highlight of their day. In fact, I think it is time for me to go and take a nap and dream about the fun I will have driving the Weinermobile. Oscar Mayer, are you listening to a dog? I would make a great driver for your wonderful car.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Just a Car, a Wienermobile)

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Baseball Season

Balls are very fun toys to play with so when I heard there was a baseball game coming on television, I got excited. I knew it would be something I would enjoy watching. The local major league team here is the Detroit Tigers. You can imagine my surprise when I didn't see any big cats on the field playing. I wondered why there were no cats playing and then I realized that they disguise themselves as humans in order to play a human game. This made me start doing some research on the other teams, and the result was shocking. As my loyal readers are already aware, I think birds are low life scum, and yet 3 baseball teams are made up of birds: The Baltimore Orioles, The St. Louis Cardinals, and the Toronto Blue Jays. Florida is allowing marlins to play--and I thought they needed water. Chicago has Cubs playing--you would think that they would at least use adult bears--not baby bears. Arizona has snakes playing--the Diamondbacks. San Francisco has Giants yet they seem to have the same size field as everyone else. Pittsburgh has Pirates so I was expecting to see Capt. Jack Sparrow on the field, but he must be busy doing other Pirate type things. Kansas City has royalty playing for them. Los Angeles has outdone themselves by signing Angels up on their team. I have decided that it is silly for them to dress up as humans and they should play as what they really are. It would make the game more interesting for the viewers too. Imagine--the Detroit Tigers playing the St. Louis Cardinals. Those big cats would not only win the game, but I'm sure they would enjoy killing and snacking on some of the cardinals. Cats do love to eat birds. If you don't already know this, I suggest watching the documentary with Tweety Bird and Sylvester the Cat Sylvester is always trying to turn Tweety into the snack of the day. The Pittsburgh Pirates could play the Florida Marlins since Pirates are used to dealing with fish. It would be great if the Chicago Cubs could find a team of bees to play. Bears do love to eat honey. I do think that my idea could create a whole new interest in baseball. I know I would enjoy watching those line ups. I do want to end this with a question: are the Toledo Mudhens supposed to be scary?

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Baseball)

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I'm a Rap Dogg

Last night I was sitting around watching television when I had one of my brilliant ideas. I could tell it was a true work of genius because I could see that light bulb over my head that always shows up when an idea is of genius quality. I have been wondering if I there is a career path I should be following, and that is when the idea arrived. I should be a rapper. My name is Demon Flash Bandit. Although I am a sweet dog, and the name is a ironic, Demon is still a great name for a rapper. Bandit is also a wonderful name since it implies that I steal stuff. I mostly steal hearts, and that brownie Mommy had in her hand last week, but in the entertainment industry, you don't have to stick with facts. When Mommy and Jeff went to the Star Trek convention in Las Vegas a few years ago, Angel Zoom Smokey and myself were left in a kennel, which is doggy jail so I have street credibility due to my incarceration in the kennel. I live about 2 hours from Detroit so I can talk about my life on the streets of Detroit. I realize that the streets of Howell aren't exactly the same, but Howell has its share of low lifes too. For example, there is a coyote that lives in the neighborhood. I think he is a drug dealer because he is always hiding so I'm assuming he is wanted by the police. I know that you can't always listen to rumors, but the beavers and the feral cats are not fond of him, and they keep hoping the police will drag him to coyote jail. I have not had the heart to tell them that I think this area isn't that hard on crime because there is a special jail that coyotes like him can go to, and it is kind of easy time if you ask me. To make the animals feel better, they don't even call it prison--it is called the Howell Nature Center. Humans make sure the animals there are fed and taken care of. I personally think you should be tougher on criminals, but sometimes the justice system is just too lax.

I'm sure by now you understand why I would be such a convincing rap star. I would probably be close pals with Snoop Dogg since he is also a Dogg, and I have to give the humans in rap credit for complimenting each other by calling each other dogs. If you ask me, that is the ultimate compliment a human can receive. Like Snoop Dogg, I would also be willing to be in movies as long as the pay is good.

I've even written some rap songs which will be released soon since I have already signed a contract with a recording company. Look for them on the Great Dane label.

1. Dog in the Hood
2. That Bitch was Best of her Breed
3. Dealing With The Hu-MAN
4. Don't Mess with my Food.
5. Keep Your Paws off My Bone

I am going to be a busy dogg once I start touring, but I will continue to keep my fans updated on my latest activities with this blog.

Demon Flash Bandit (Future Rap Star)

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

A Dog Can Change the Weather

According to the meteorologists, the weather here is going to be hot at least through Memorial Day. As many of my readers may already be aware, I am a Siberian Husky and I do not like the weather when it gets hot. Therefore, when I hear a lousy report like this one, I get annoyed. If I had my way, winter, that lovely season of ice and snow, would never end. Alas, Mother Nature is not a Husky and therefore, she has a mind of her own. I know that many of you might just ask, Demon Flash Bandit, why not just turn on the air conditioner? Sure, central air does help the situation, but a dog likes to go outside occasionally, and short of the government having the good sense to enclose everything in a giant dome that will keep the entire country a specified temperature, a dog gets hot when he goes outside. I am not the kind of dog to sit around hoping that things get better. I tend to take matters into my own paws and solve the problems that arise. I like to lay down, and make it look like I'm taking a nap, but I am actually solving world problems while I lay there quietly, and this problem was no exception. Yes, I have solved the problem and the weather will soon be nice and chilly-just like I like it without having to resort to air conditioning. The plan is so simple even a cat can do it. I went into the other room, and got the calendar. I started pulling months off the calendar. I started with May--yes May is over. We don't need June or July either. August is definitely out since it tends to be really hot in August around here. I decided that I should move right on to October. I'll let the humans have a couple of weeks of warmer temperatures before we get to November. This plan not only works well from the standpoint of improving the weather, but there are no gift giving occasions around here in the upcoming months so why not move right on to November so I can get some birthday presents. A dog can always use some new toys and dingo bones. There is no need to thank me for this idea. I am happy that I was able to come up with a plan that makes life so much better for myself and my readers.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Ideas)

Monday, May 24, 2010

World's Greatest Secret Agent and Master of Disguise

Now that the "Cold War" is over, the United States has released a lot of classified information which means that I can now write about a spy who was a master of disguise and to whom the citizens of the world owe much thanks. That spy is none other than: Mr. Potato Head. Mr. Potato Head likes to talk about his ancestor, Patty O'Potato Head, who came to the United States from Ireland just before the big potato famine. In fact, I would guess that so many of his family coming here might have actually caused the potato famine in Ireland. Sadly, there was one human named Patrick Potato, who was killed and eaten by his fellow humans--they thought he was a potato. It shows what a genius at disguise the Potato Heads have always been. They adjusted to life in their new home, with many of them becoming policemen and firemen and construction workers-one even became a Police Officer.

As time went on, the talent for disguise was not missed by the federal government who asked members of the Potato Clan to become spies, and they gladly offered their help, but the best was Mr. Percival Potato Head, who was a top spy. He was able to slip past foreign agents disguised as movie stars. One day he would be Darth Tater, Spud Trooper, R2-Potatoo, Luke Frywalker, or Yam Solo from Star Wars. Another time he would be Spider-Spud/Peter Tater from Spiderman, Optimash Prime from Transformers, or Tony Starch from Iron Man. He once even passed as a Tater of the Lost Ark. He could slip in and out of important places and get top secret information because the other world leaders thought he was merely an actor. I might add that in a Tootsie type twist, he has even dressed as Princess Tater. Mr. Potato Head did all these things and took chances on becoming mashed potatoes just so that we can all live a more peaceful, happy life, and for that we owe Mr. Potato Head a great debt of gratitude. Here is a special blessing to Mr. Potato Head from Demon Flash Bandit (I call it a Husky Blessing). May you see an end to potato bugs, and may you never turned into hash browns.

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About the World's Best Secret Agent)

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Another Brilliant Idea from the Mind of Demon Flash Bandit

Since many of the humans have been upset in recent years over the rise in gas prices, today's blog will be information that they can use. Yes, Demon Flash Bandit has found a way to operate a car without using gas or electricity. This is truly an exciting moment for me, and I have even put on some doggy cologne in preparation for all the television interviews that I will be asked to do. I'm expecting a call from the White House at any moment now. The silly part is that it is such a simple idea, but as usual, it takes a dog to solve the humans' problems. This idea is given in my blog without any thought for personal gain because, as everyone knows, we dogs are the humans' best friends. Therefore, we love to help them.

The car manufacturers need to start making cars with pedals. I got this idea from a car Mommy has for auction on ebay. It is a miniature pedal car like the human children used to use (and some still do) before they started making electric cars for children. It is also the principle behind bikes. Sure, Fred Flintstone has a car that doesn't use gas, but it is a lot more trouble than a pedal car. Stone age people were seriously lacking in technology although it is amazing what they could do with what they had. Their labor saving devices like their vacuums and dishwashers would be hard to duplicate today because I doubt that you could find such cooperative animals to do the work. The added advantage of making large pedal cars for humans would be that they would get more exercise, and if you are around my humans, you will know that many of the humans are not fond of exercise and will only do it when they have to. Even the laziest of humans will usually get up and go outside if the house is on fire, but I'm guessing that it helps if there is nothing good on television at the time. Anyway, the next time you see your dog laying around looking like he is sleeping, don't assume his brain isn't working. I thought up this brilliant idea while I looked like I was napping. Sometimes it is just too much trouble for a dog to keep ones' eyes open.

Demon Flash Bandit (Inventor)

Saturday, May 22, 2010

My New Film Release

I was watching a trailer for that new movie that is coming to theatres soon, Sex in the City 2. In this movie, the ladies will be travelling to another part of the world where they can look for expensive shoes, complain, and solve crimes. Okay, they only did the crime solving on one episode, but it was the best episode of the show ever filmed. Because I don't like shoes on my paws in the first place and there was no promises of crime solving, I skipped seeing the first movie, but I do think if they made a movie with the crime solving unit, I would go and see it. In the episode I'm discussing, a pair of shoes was stolen, and they called in the special unit of the police, SFU (Shoe Finding Unit). The purpose of this unit is to solve all crimes involving stolen shoes. These humans aren't the happiest of the humans because their overtime pay is very limited. Anyway, they put that wonderful crime scene tape around the area where the shoes were stolen. Then they went to a normal shoe store and brought in a pair of shoes like most humans wear and told the horse face girl that they had recovered her shoes. She couldn't tell the difference so she was happy, and she threw herself a party--I think it was an I'm not married or I'm not having a baby or I found my shoes party so that she would have her friends bring her gifts. I thought perhaps if she resented giving gifts to her friends so much on their special occasions, she should just quit buying them gifts, I suppose buying gifts and then complaining about buying them makes a lot more sense to a human. To a dog, it is insane. I don't care how much I love my pal, it does not mean I will be giving him a dingo bone because it is mine, all mine.

The good news in this blog is that I am going to film my own film which will be released from the Demon Flash Bandit studio. It will be called Sex in the Country and it follows the love story of two couples: a bull and a cow and the other couple: a rooster and a hen There will be a lot less shopping and complaining. The animals actually like each other which is what most audiences hope for from couples who are in love.

Demon Flash Bandit (Film Maker)

Friday, May 21, 2010

Board Games Are Fun

My humans were playing a dvd board game of The Office, which I insisted on playing along with them. I chose to be the character, Michael (he is the boss on the show), and I won the game. I have long been a fan of The Office. My "peeps" didn't understand how much I liked the show until Mommy bought a season of it that came with a Dundee award and a bobblehead. No matter where Mommy put them, when Mommy would leave the bedroom to get on the computer, Angel Zoom Smokey and myself would get the two items and divide them between us. I usually got the Dundee award. We never hurt them--we know awards when we see them, but it was then that Mommy realized that whenever she put the dvd of The Office on, Angel and myself would get quiet-so she then realized that we liked the show. I do have to admit that I don't like what has been going on in the past couple of seasons. I thought Michael Scott Paper Company should have held out with its lower prices and put Dunder Mifflin out of business. Ryan should have had to stay in jail if there was any real justice since I always found his character annoying. Ryan is lucky that Demon Flash Bandit is not running the justice system. Anyway, the humans were playing the game and they allowed me to play because I insisted. I kept climbing into their laps, and I even got under the table and shook it so that the game would have fallen if they didn't let me play. If you saw the movie, Eight Below, you would know that we huskies like to be included in the activities of our humans. As much as I enjoyed playing the game, it was actually not designed for dogs to play. It was kind of awkward trying to move the game piece with my paw, and I could have used one of the bone carrying pocket protectors I wrote about in a past blog to carry my money. It is hard for a dog to hold Shrute bucks in a paw. I started wondering why there are no board games made for dogs. Of course, before assuming they didn't exist, I got on the Internet, and I found that board games for dogs do exist. I found this website with 9 dog games listed. The site is:

I have to admit that I have never played any of these games, but they do look interesting. The only problem around here is that Angel Zoom Smokey would probably want to play too--and she isn't good at taking turns. Anyway, if you can talk your human into buying you one of these BOARD games, you won't be BORED. You know I had to say that, didn't you?

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Board Games)

Thursday, May 20, 2010

I'm Waiting To Collect my Money

The lottery is a human game where you pick some numbers and pay some money, and if the numbers that are chosen by the state match the numbers you chose, you can win lots of money. When I heard this idea, I was so happy. I was thinking that I could be buying Burger King, Yummy Chummies, and dingo bones for the rest of my life with my lottery winnings. It made me wonder why some of the humans complain about not having enough money when they could just take a dollar and make millions from it. Of course, I just assumed it was because the humans are not the most intelligent of the species roaming around so I thought maybe the reason they didn't win was because they chose alphabet letters instead of numbers. Okay, I admit--after observing the humans, I tend to assume they are stupid. However, since I happen to be a dog, and therefore, intelligent, I gave the human my money and chose the 6 numbers and waited for the drawing so I could redeem my ticket for lots of money. Imagine my surprise when the state picked the wrong numbers. I immediately hired a lawyer to sue the state for choosing the wrong numbers. You would think the humans who "lose" would have thought of that, but as I said, they aren't very smart.

Demon Flash Bandit (Waiting on My Money)

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

To Boldly Go Where No Dog Has Gone Before

Space....the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the star ship Igloo-doghouse. Her ongoing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life forms and new civilizations, to boldly go where no dog has gone before. This is what I said to get the government funding for my project which is actually one of those cool igloo style dog houses that I have modified into a space ship. My actual mission is to go into space in search of bones and other interesting garbage. It seems that the humans who have already been in space have been dumping their garbage there. It just happens that dogs like myself enjoy garbage so I couldn't resist the idea of travelling into space to rescue some of the treasures that the humans are thoughtlessly casting aside. Of course, when you want government funding, you have to make it sound like you are doing something noble. I thought if I said, Space: The Place Where a Bunch of Cool Garbage is Tumbling Around. These are the voyages of the Star ship, Igloo-Doghouse. Her ongoing mission: to seek out cool new garbage, to boldly go where no dog has gone before unless some alien dogs have beat us there. The truth wouldn't be a good way to get the funding I needed so I borrowed the opening lines from the television show, Star Trek. I didn't think Captain Kirk would mind since the last time I saw him, he was busy being a lawyer in Boston Legal. This dog does enjoy the Star Trek television shows and movies which is a good thing since my brother Jeff really likes them a lot and I like to hang out with him so it is good that we have something in common. I still prefer a good dingo bone over television, but you can't eat dingo bones all day--I could, but the humans won't buy that many of them for me. I have to go now. I have some finishing touches to put on the Igloo-Doghouse. I am going to paint a dead bird on it. When I'm flying through the air out into space, it will be fun to upset the birds.

Demon Flash Bandit (Correction: Captain Demon Flash Bandit....soon to be....Admiral Demon Flash Bandit)

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Dueling Howls

Some of you may be familiar with the idea of duels. Duels were more common in earlier times, and they were a way for humans to settle a problem by using combat between two individuals. Humans have abandoned the idea of dueling now except in the musical world where you will occasionally hear dueling banjos, which were quite popular in the movie Deliverance. I think that it is better to duel with music since no one gets hurt. The dueling banjos have made this dog realize that if I ever have problems with another dog, I can settle it peacefully with the musical method. We can have Dueling Howls. As a member of the musical group, the Howling Huskies, I am very good at howling, and I'm sure I would win. The best part is I bet there would be a cute girl dog waiting to congratulate me for my win with a big sloppy kiss. Yes, some things can be improved with time, and dueling music is one example of how the world has gotten better.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Fashion--Pocket Protectors for Dogs

Since so many humans dress their dogs, this dog was wondering if there are any fashions that a dog could wear that might actually be useful. It took a lot of thought because you can basically make a human wear any silly thing as long as other humans want to wear that product. If some fashion guru tells them to walk around carrying a stuffed cat in the hat, you would see cat in the hats everywhere. Thus, a dog knows that most fashionable items are completely unnecessary. Sure, there were the obvious choices like raincoats and sweaters. They can be useful, but I had to wonder--are they the only useful clothing items a dog can wear? It was then that I remembered seeing some photos from the past. Back in the 50's and 60's, a lot of human men wore pocket protectors to protect their shirt pockets from being damaged by leaking pens or small tools. They are still around, but they aren't considered as cool to wear. How can they be as cool as wearing a t shirt with a catchy phrase such as "The Voices in My Head Told Me To"? By the way, if a human is wearing a shirt like that, I think it best not to ask what the voices told him or her to do since you don't want to have to be killed because you know too much. But I digress, the pocket protector is a useful item, and I was wondering--how could one be put to use by a dog? I don't normally wear shirts with pockets, and if I did, I wouldn't be worried about protecting the shirt since I don't want to wear a shirt in the first place. However, I did think of a great way for a dog to use one. If they were made with a little slit where it could be fastened to a dog's collar, it would go from being a pocket protector to being a pocket to carry my rawhide bones. I have yet to meet a dog who doesn't like rawhide bones and who wouldn't mind a way to carry them around with him or her. Yes, I think this product could take the doggy world by storm. The humans do love to spend their money on their dogs. I might add that for those of you humans who would like to buy a pocket protector, you can go to this website, I want to dedicate this blog to my human brother, Robert, who died of cancer 8 years ago. He loved pocket protectors, and he was a senior at Michigan State University when he died. I never got to meet him, but I know how much my humans miss him. If he thought they were wonderful, this dog is not going to question their value.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Likes to Have Rawhides With Me At All Times)

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Mommy is up early and she is already dressed so this dog suspects that she is planning to go somewhere. Of course, as usual, the humans seldom remember to ask a dog's approval of their plans. I heard Greenfield Village and Henry Ford Museum mentioned to Jeff so I bet that is where she is planning to go. Mommy's cousin is here from North Carolina, but if you ask me, I think she and her cousin would have more fun if they took Angel Zoom Smokey and myself to a dog park. As you might have guessed, the humans don't enjoy dogs parks as much as dogs enjoy them. I contend that it is because they have a general lack of good taste. Mommy says we are lucky because the humans hardly ever leave us by ourselves. We actually have a human brother who comes over and "dogsits" us. Yesterday he came over (he was visiting--not dog sitting), and he brought us new dog toys. I have to admit that I'm actually quite proud of my humans. I trained them well. I had to start when I was a puppy, and they were slow learners, but I did do an excellent job. They are proof that humans can be trained--but it takes a lot of dedication and hard work since they aren't as smart as us dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Proud Dog)

Saturday, May 15, 2010

ComicCon: Dogs Should Be Allowed to Attend

My human brother, Jeff is not here with me today. He is at the ComicCon in Novi, Michigan. He goes there every year. They have celebrities there to sign autographs. This dog has to announce that I am not impressed with the celebrities that come to the convention. The dogs from Snow Dogs and Eight Below have never made an appearance to give their pawtographs nor have the dogs from Air Bud, Air Buddies, or any of the other movie dogs that this dog would like to meet. Adam West will be there. Do the people running that convention really think television's Batman or mayor from Family Guy is better than a celebrity dog? If I was going to book a character from Family Guy, I would have booked Brian or if I was going for a human, that Stewie character. Do you know how hard it is for a baby to play that role? Most babies aren't able to do much of anything so Stewie's character is truly gifted.

I hate to report this fact, but dogs aren't allowed at the ComicCon. Yes, you read correctly--dogs are not allowed (unless of course, they are service dogs). I suppose this is why they don't book celebrity dogs--they are biased against dogs. They let all sorts of weird looking characters into the convention. Mommy says she has seen Storm Troopers and even Darth Vader, but dogs aren't allowed! If you ask me, the people running it must be insane. Who would want to let someone as evil as Darth Vader enter and refuse entry to a super cute dog? Maybe he is using that mind power Jedi trick on them or maybe they are afraid of him, but it is wrong--just plain wrong. One day, I am going to have a DogCon, and I'm not going to let the humans enter unless they are service humans. That will teach the humans to be prejudiced against us dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Could Give Pawtographs at the ComicCon If I Were ALLOWED)

Friday, May 14, 2010

Don't Spy On A Dog!

I have some good news for readers who live in Texas and shop at Costco. I am on Arctic Paws email list because they make Yummy Chummies, and they are wonderful dog treats. Anyway, yesterday I got an email saying that they are shipping a large order of them to Costcos in Texas next month. I wonder how long it would take a dog to get to Texas from Michigan.

Today I am going to discuss cameras. I don't mind cameras if they take a photo of a dog looking cute for the humans to ooh and aah over. However, when the camera is one of those web cams that can take videos of a dog doing something he isn't supposed to do, that is a different matter. The worst part of the web cam is that they are broadcast via the Internet to humans all over the world who can actually see a dog when he is getting into trouble. If they could stick to a cat cam (a web cam that shows a cat getting into trouble), dogs would be okay with that. However, we don't need to have the whole world see us decide to get the human food off the counter, or see us eat a piece of furniture. This whole web cam idea is one that should have been stopped before it was started. Fortunately, I am a good dog who doesn't get into trouble, but a dog has to watch out for other dogs. If you are a dog, and a web cam is brought into the house, throw it in the trash immediately. If a new computer with a built in web cam is brought home, find a way to disable the camera--even if you can only put something over it so that it can't see anything. I suggest putting a paw in front of it, and then put on a sign that says talk to the paw. That should teach the humans to spy on a dog.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan Of Web Cams)

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Not All Peanuts are Edible

I have no idea which humans have been put in charge of naming things, but the one who named Styrofoam peanuts either had a very odd sense of humor or they were having a serious lack of touch with reality. Real peanuts are quite tasty and this dog likes to eat them, but Styrofoam peanuts aren't even edible. I'm not talking about the inedible stuff that is quite tasty, but the humans don't want a dog to eat--you know like a dead bird. Those Styrofoam things could make you sick if you eat them. Why the idiot who named them called them peanuts if beyond me. Maybe it was just way past their lunch time and they were really hungry, but I still think it is a stupid name.

For those of you who saw the movie, Bolt, he was a super dog who had his powers taken by Styrofoam peanuts--they were like Kryptonite for Superman. Bolt even had his paw bleed once he was exposed to them! If you haven't seen the movie, Bolt, you should. It was a great movie, and got this dog's 4 paws up and a happy tail wag.

The stupidest thing about the Styrofoam peanuts is that they are routinely used in packages, and I have yet to meet a human who likes them when they open a package since they tend to fall out and have to be picked up. If they used real peanuts, I would eat the ones that fall and there would be no problem, but those things taste awful. You would think they are made from Styrofoam, which might explain why they are called Styrofoam peanuts. I guess one part of the name is accurate and one part is totally and completely inaccurate. If I knew who was in charge of giving them such a stupid name, I would fire them from their naming job. Yes, you heard me, I would fire them. They are obviously being paid too much for what they do.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan Of Styrofoam Peanuts)

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Genius Human Invention

Today my topic is about one of the greatest inventions ever invented by the humans. That invention is the tablecloth. Sure, it is an invention whose genius is often overlooked by humans, but dogs think it is the most intelligent invention ever created. When the humans put food on the table for dinner (or any other meal for that matter), the dog is standing aside hoping to get his or her share of the human food. Sure, a dog my size can easily put my paws on the table, and reach the food, but then the humans tend to get mad at the dog. You would think the dog was stealing food from the table the way they carry on about it. However, when a table has a tablecloth under the food, the dog simply puts the cloth in his or her mouth, and pulls. Instant food for the dog, and he didn't put his paws on the table or reach for food or anything--the food chose to come to the dog. The dog gets some delightful human food, and the dog cannot be held accountable. You may hear the human saying "bad tablecloth, bad tablecloth", but it is not a dog's fault that there is a bad tablecloth in the house. As I said, the tablecloth is the best human invention ever--just ask any dog. Just make sure you don't invite a magician over for dinner. Those jerks can pull the tablecloth from the table and leave the food on the table. I bet no dogs ever invite them for dinner.

Demon Flash Bandit (Giving the Humans Credit for Their Brilliant Invention)

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Guarding Bones

Mommy has a lot of seasons of that television show, CSI (Canines Sniffing Items), which I have watched along with her. I might add for a show that is supposed to be about dogs sniffing things, there doesn't seem to be any dogs in the episodes. I can only assume that the humans are playing the parts of dogs since dogs would be so expensive to hire that it might make the program cost too much to film. I do think the human actors aren't doing a good job since I never see them sniffing around like they are supposed to be doing. However, the show did have one thing that I got my interest. It seems that when a crime has been committed, the police have this wonderful yellow tape they put around the scene which tells everyone else to stay away. I managed to get myself some of that tape. If a dog wants to get it without having to buy it, I would suggest going out in the neighborhood with the children who are going for trick or treat on Halloween. A lot of humans use it for decorating, and you can score some crime scene tape, and get some candy in the deal---the humans think you are a kid wearing a dog costume.

You might ask me, Demon Flash Bandit, why would you want crime scene tape? There is an excellent answer to this question. The tape tells people to stay away, and I wanted Angel Zoom Smokey to stay away from my rawhide bones and toys. I gathered up all the toys and rawhide bones I could find in the house, and I got a box of milk bones out of the kitchen cabinets, and I put the crime tape around my stuff, and now Angel Zoom Smokey can't cross the tape or she could be arrested. So far, she has stayed away, but she is getting a bit mouthy so I might have to have a couple of policemen come by the house and talk to her or maybe get her in one of those "scared straight" programs where they take the potential criminal to see actual prisoners. A dog can't be too careful when it comes to a dog's possessions!

I might add that I have been told by other dogs that crime scenes are great places to score some new bones. The dogs told me that the most important part is to get to the crime scene before the police get there because, once they put the tape up, forget it--a dog can't cross the tape. This makes me wonder why Dexter, television's serial killer doesn't have a dog to help him clean up the crime scene. What better way to dispose of a body? When a dog gets a new bone, that dog doesn't tend to ask questions--what if you don't like the answer?

Demon Flash Bandit (Crime Scene Tape--Buy it if You Have to)

Monday, May 10, 2010

Bacon--Always Welcome!

Is there anything better than waking up to the smell of sizzling bacon cooking on the stove? The answer, of course, is eating the bacon that you are smelling. This dog is very fond of bacon so you can imagine my excitement when I found that there are other Internet users who feel as I do about the subject of bacon. If y0u love bacon as much as I do, here is a site for you to go to on the Internet: '

This site even has a story about a Star Wars AT-AT made entirely our of foam and 40 pounds of bacon--I would sure love to get my paws on that AT-AT. Actually, I would like to get my mouth onto it--I bet it would be tasty!

I would like to mention that there is a new amusement park opening in San Antonio, Texas, Morgan's Wonderland. This amusement park is designed for the disabled, and this dog thinks the people who decided to open it are doing something very good. For those who might be interested in going there and want more information, the web address is:

Now, when is a human going to design an amusement park for dogs? I think Angel Zoom Smokey and myself should have a place to go. We aren't allowed in the park run by that Mouse in Florida and California. Sure, let a mouse run loose and ban dogs. That doesn't seem fair to me, and even cats agree with me on that. Cats aren't fond of mice anyway--except for dinner and snacks.LOL

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Enjoys Bacon)

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Mother's Day to All My Readers

Happy Mother's Day everyone! I know most of my readers already know what Mother's Day is about, but I like to educate the few who might not already know about the holiday. Mother's Day is a day set aside for a Mother to buy her furry children gifts so that she can show how much she appreciates them. I guess the meaning wasn't too clear around here because this dog did not get any gifts from Mommy. She buys me stuff all the time. However, today, a day set aside to give a dog gifts, she didn't even get me Burger King for dinner. I had to settle for chicken. I love Mommy, but I am hoping that she reads the real story of Mother's Day so that she doesn't mess up next year's celebration!

My fellow Siberian husky, Angel Zoom Smokey has been carrying her 3 stuffed husky puppies through the house and complaining that they didn't buy her any gifts. I know it isn't easy for them to buy gifts since they never go shopping. However, considering that Angel has bitten off their eyes and nose, I suspect they didn't feel she deserved a gift. She said that it isn't a gift for Mother of the Year, but a gift for your Mother. I think she has her stuffies on that point.

I did get a promise of Burger King tomorrow. Maybe I'll get some new toys too. A dog can never get too many toys! I hope all my readers had a happy Mother's Day--whether they are Mothers or not, and I hope all my furry readers had humans who understand the holiday.

Demon Flash Bandit (Wishing Everyone a Happy Mother's Day)

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Space Satellite Zombies

Just when a dog thinks he can enjoy a pleasant weekend, I get on the Internet and read that there is a zombie satellite causing problems in space. It seems that Galaxy 15 is a satellite that is no longer responding to commands from Earth. Don't we have enough problems with zombies here on Earth? Now we have robot zombies causing problems in space. I know the evil birds are behind this problem. I bet the birds flew out into space, and reprogrammed the satellite so that it would no longer listen to the humans. When will the humans start listening when a dog like myself tries to warn them of the dangers of birds? I am hoping that the dogs from the Dog Star will have the technology to stop Galaxy 15 before the birds are able to do any more harm. I'm so glad there are dogs in space watching out for us!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Kingdom of Dogdom

Once upon a time, in the land of Dogdom, the dogs wanted something new and different to chew on in their spare time. Dogs in Dogdom didn't have a lot of spare time because they were very busy dogs--working, shopping, riding, etc. However, even busy dogs need something to do while they relax and watch television. One day, Danny Dog found some new plants that he had never seen before, and he decided to feed them to the pigs in the kingdom. Low and behold, within a few weeks, the pigs had grown to be giants, which also meant they had giant ears. One pig got his ear caught on a fence post, and the post ripped off his ear. Of course, the pig was very upset, but the dog, not wanting to be wasteful, thought the ear might be a fun thing to chew on in his spare time. One chew was enough to convince Danny Dog that this ear was delicious, and all dogs in the kingdom would enjoy chewing on one. Of course, this would not be possible since the pigs need their ears to hear. Then Danny checked on the pig and discovered that his ear had grown back. The new plant was not only making the pigs giants, but also giving them the power of regeneration. Danny Dog also discovered that losing the ear didn't even hurt the pig. Now the pigs show up everyday and get their ears cut off so that the dogs will have something good to chew on, and the pigs have new ears in a few minutes. This is why Dogdom is such a happy kingdom. Mommy brought me one of those giant ears yesterday, and I can understand why it is a happy kingdom.

Demon Flash Bandit (Story of Giant Pigs' Ears)

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Bugs Bunny: Actor Who Deserves an Oscar

I was watching a television show yesterday starring a very talented actor named Bugs Bunny. I was so impressed with his show, that I am hoping to book him to entertain at my birthday party. Although I seriously doubt that a star of his calibre would make a personal appearance unless he is paid a lot of money, he deserves whatever he demands. I probably can't afford to hire him, but he would be a cool entertainer to have at my party, and I would give him all the carrots he can eat.

I have observed that he does have a problem with Albuquerque. I could offer to give him a map of the United States and include a very detailed map of New Mexico so that he doesn't get lost quite so much.

I might add that he makes one good looking girl rabbit. Sure, other actors have dressed as women, but few of them can pull off the look as good as Bugs Bunny does. Has he ever received a well deserved Oscar?

I would love to have his pawtograph. Does anyone know if he does personal appearances?

Demon Flash Bandit (Fan Of Bugs Bunny)

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Fish Have to Swim to Learn--Fish School

I was unable to get to blogspot to post my blog yesterday so this made me think that the government has started a conspiracy to keep dogs from posting blogs since we are so much smarter than the humans. I started wondering why the govt. would be so concerned about what I have to say. Then I looked over my past blogs, and realized that they are probably concerned about my rules for training the humans. Can I help it if humans need to be taught dog obedience as soon as possible? I think they are worried about the "not giving a dog a bath without signed and notarized permission from the dog" rule. It seems that I have talked to many dogs and the humans have been giving them unauthorized baths without the necessary permission! Yes, I was upset when I learned this. Now those dogs know their rights, and will be able to put a stop to baths in the future. I suppose that is why the humans don't want dogs to read my blog---they want dogs to live in ignorance so they can continue bathing a dog without consequences.

I don't know if I'm the only one who has wondered about this, but what do fish learn in fish school? When you have more than one fish, the fish is in a school. I guess this is because fish must be super smart creatures who love to learn. However, when you see a bunch of fish together, how do you know who the teacher happens to be? Is it the fish with the paycheck? Do fish teachers have college degrees hanging on a rock for the other fish to see? Does the teacher walk around with a laser pointer? I guess it doesn't really matter if I know who the teacher is as long as the fish know. When they are swimming around in school, are they going on field trips? Is a sunken treasure ship a museum field trip? Do the fish in aquariums stare at the humans watching them and then laugh hysterically at how funny the humans are? I know it is an amusing topic among dogs when we get together. One of my pals the other day was telling me how his human actually thinks that he is in charge. All us dogs were cracking up over that one. To quote a line from the movie, Good Boy--"you don't see us picking up their poop". Truer words have never been spoken--dogs are in charge for that reason.

Demon Flash Bandit (Conspiracy Theory and Fish School)

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Howling Huskies--Dog Band That Rocks

As a talented dog and also a member of the rock group, the Howling Huskies, I want to let other musical dogs know that there are guitars that are smaller than the usual size--perfect for children and more importantly, DOGS. To think that for years, a dog couldn't get the proper size guitar so the only dog musicians were the big ones like the Great Danes. Great Danes are wonderful musicians, but most other dogs just aren't big enough to play a regular size adult guitar. I happened to find a website that sells small guitars and I want to share it with my readers. The web address is:

My personal favorite is the strat style because it looks like my human brother's guitar. Before I got into the Howling Huskies, I was just a regular dog who napped, played with toys, and took the occasional walk. However, I always have loved music, and I would sing along when I heard music. Then Angel Zoom Smokey, another Siberian Husky came to live here, and we decided to from our own rock band. We play for various dog events in the area--weddings, dances, obedience proms, etc. There is nothing like the joy of looking out into the crowd and seeing so many happy faces enjoying our music. I would encourage all dogs to pursue their dreams. For one dog, it might be buying that guitar you have always wanted; and for another dog, it might be taking that human food off the table. Whatever your dreams, Demon Flash Bandit hopes you are happy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Member of the Howling Huskies)

Saturday, May 1, 2010


Dogs are used to going outside to water and fertilize the trees and shrubs, and I'm sure those plants are pleased to have us dogs around to take care of them. There was a time when humans used to go outside for the same reason. They had a little building called an outhouse which they used because there was no "inside outhouse". There are still a few humans today who use this method, but it has become very much a thing of the past for most of the humans. However, this dog was curious so I did some research on the subject. You'll be happy to know that there are websites dedicated to this subject so it must be one of those nostalgic type subjects the humans love to reminisce about. One website, The Outhouses of America Tour is a wonderful resource for those who want to read more about this delightful subject. The web address is:

You might think that websites are the only way to find out more about outhouses, but there is actually a museum dedicated to outhouses in Liverpool, Nova Scotia, which is in Canada for my readers who weren't fond of geography. For those who would like more information on visiting this museum, you can find check out its website:

One advantage to the old days of the outhouse from a dog's point of view is that it was a lot harder to bother a dog by giving him a bath back then. With progress, there comes more baths. It does make this dog wonder if those really weren't the good old days for dogs. I think I'll have to try to find some dogs old enough to remember those days so I can ask them about how they were.

If your humans are looking for a fun vacation spot, I think The Outhouse Museum sounds like a good choice. I wonder--do they allow dogs?

Demon Flash Bandit (Wondering About the "Good Old Days")