Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Guest Blogger: Angel Zoom Smokey!!!!!!

Howdy everyone! My name is Angel Zoom Smokey. I am Demon's sister and, from time to time, mortal enemy (aren't all siblings?). Anyway, Demon is having me write this blog because his secretary (code name: mommy) is in the hospital at the moment. If everything goes fine, she should be out in a couple of days. Demon just felt that the world might end without some "husky wisdom" everyday so he wants me to blog today since he refuses to allow the likes of Jeff to write his blog. Demon can be impossible at times.

Anyway, everyone here hopes mommy feels better soon so she can return to her dogs! Demon told me that mommy has some writing to catch up on. Demon is always so thoughtful. Demon is a typical guy though. I am a lot more thoughtful, I just want to make sure she brings home a lot of grilled chicken from the hospital. They give out grilled chicken as a prize for escaping the hospital, don't they? If they don't, they should, more people would go to the hospital just so they could leave and get chicken.

Anyway, I thought I'd share some of my views with Demon's blog readers today. First of all, I actually like my stomach. When it comes to birds not in my stomach, I pretty much agree with Demon one hundred percent that they should all die (so we dogs can eat them). I enjoy eating gourmet food, such as chicken or any other birds (turkey will more than do as well). I like Mexican style food and enjoy Taco Bell very much. Demon doesn't care much for it, but I don't mind a few tacos here and there mixed in with my chicken (plus, Taco Bell has wonderful chicken tacos that are to mush for).

I ran as Demon Flash Bandit's running mate in the 2008 election (we didn't get as many votes as Obama/Biden but we got a lot more than McCain/Palin's 3 votes nationwide). Some of you may not know that Demon and I invented the Fur Party in politics. Next time, instead of voting for major political players, vote for a dog! You will thank me later.

The Fur Party promised more fire hydrants on the street for EVERYONE to pee on! We felt that making humans feel equal to dogs was important in bridging the species gap. We also promised to find alien life to bring to Earth so they could clean up the human's poop. Humans have to clean up their own waste. It must be disgusting and degrading. Demon and I felt that having some higher intelligence clean up their poop would not only help the humans feel more equal, but it would also create a great relationships with humans! What alien in their right mind would want to take over a planet in which the higher beings (dogs and humans) don't even clean up their own poop. Alien invasion successfully avoided thanks to us dogs.

Of course, I can't legally make anyone vote for a dog on election day...but I can illegally make someone, so just keep that in mind (wink wink). Seriously though, if you do vote for a dog in 2012, make sure it's Demon Flash Bandit and Angel Zoom Smokey! We would bark the roof off of Washington D.C.!

-Angel Zoom Smokey (Dog of the People)

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Angry Birds are Really Stupid Birds

Birds have to be one of the most annoying varmints on Planet Earth. Now there is a popular iphone game called Angry Birds. I don't personally play video games much since my paws are a bit clumsy. However, just from the title, Angry Birds, I can tell that this popular video game is stupid. I watched the "trailer" for the game. It seems that the birds were so busy beating up a bug that landed on their eggs, that some pigs managed to steal their eggs while they busy with the bug. I know that the term "bird brains" is used in popular culture for a reason--birds are stupid little animals. Just the fact that many of them migrate south in the winter shows how stupid they are. Why not just stay where it is warm and there is food? Flying hundreds of miles is work--and they do it every year because no bird was smart enough at the start of spring to say to the other birds, "it is nice here, why are we leaving?" This is why it does not surprise me that the pigs could get the eggs--the birds are too stupid to watch over their eggs.

This brings me to another point I saw on the Internet news today. It seems that home schooling is becoming more acceptable. I can only hope that the homes where these children are being home schooled has turned the task over the the family dog. I do have to admit that it has to be frustrating for the dogs. It takes the human puppies so long to learn to do anything. Just look how long it takes them to learn to walk and talk--a dog puppy can do that very quickly. However, we dogs love our humans and we can summon up the patience to deal with the humans puppies if necessary. When is a dog supposed to get in his naps if you have children around bothering the dog? Most of us take our nap time very seriously. This is why I think children should go to school. Parents and dogs need a rest!

Mommy brought home a book last night--I Has a Hot Dog. She has been looking for the book and finally one of the stores she went to had it. She was ready to order it on Amazon. If you want to read a classically good book, this is the book for you. It has cool photos of dogs, and it has captions saying what the dog is thinking. This book should be a best seller if you ask me---it is a great piece of literature. If William Dogspeare had published a book of this quality, I might even say he is a good writer, but I don't think he ever thought of getting out his camera and taking photos.

I'm sorry about the lack of a blog yesterday--it was my humans fault. She took one of my brothers to the theatre, and then she was sick when she got home last night. I would fire her, but I could tell she was really sick, and Angel Zoom Smokey felt it was her job to comfort Mommy. I think she is just trying to worm her way into more treats. She isn't fooling me any. I will not stoop to that level just to get some Yummy Chummies. I have to go now and kiss Mommy. Some Yummy Chummies would taste good in my tummy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Catching up on Blogging)

Sunday, September 26, 2010

A Dog in a Candy Store

Finally, a reason to visit New York City--home of the Wonka toy store. It is inside the Toys R Us at Times Square. This store carries all 12 brands of Wonka candy, and has the piped in smell of chocolate for a delightful shopping experience. This dog is a big fan of candy. I'm very fond of those little red Swedish Fish candies, and Mike and Ikes (particularly the tropical flavor ones). I have also decided that the reason humans say chocolate is bad for dogs is because they are hoarding it all for themselves--you know it has to be delicious if they don't want to share with their dogs. I would personally be willing to make a trip to NYC to shop at this delightful store, but I bet dogs are not allowed which would mean I would have to spend my vacation protesting outside the store which would be no fun so I will skip the trip. This store has not only excited me, but after receiving this correspondence from the Queen Lady (Queen Elizabeth of England), I can now understand why she made her recent trip to NYC. As always, I will share the letter with my readers:

To My Dear Pal, Demon Flash Bandit,

I wonder when the archaic laws in the United States will be progressive enough to allow dogs to enter the Wonka Candy Store in NYC. I enjoyed my recent trip there. I wanted to make sure my candy supply was replenished. Someone has been sneaking in and eating my candy from the candy room at the Castle. I suspect Prince Charles, but since he is my son, it would look bad if I had him arrested for candy theft. Believe me, I have considered it....taking my candy is serious, as you can understand. I know you take your candy as seriously as I take mine. However a candy scandal could rock the country at its core and do irreparable damage to the crown so I guess he will get by with it.

Did you see that Mr. Pope came here for a visit? As you may have guessed, he only came here because he knew I made a candy run to NYC, and he knew that I would have to offer him some of my treasures. I did not want to share my candy, but I had to give him some. He should have known better. Does he not remember history? King Henry VIII had amassed a large supply of candy, and the Pope wanted his share. Henry refused to give up his candy and then started the Anglican Church. His daughter, Elizabeth, continued the tradition and the Anglican church had slogans on billboards that said, "we will not give our candy to the Pope". You would think that churches would understand just how seriously some of the humans (and dogs) take their candy supplies. The Pope and I did have some fun. We had a race between the Queenmobile and the Popemobile, but I can't tell you who won. I promised to keep it secret and a good Queen keeps her promises.

This brings me to a promise I made to you. I am doing my best to get to the United States to mow your yard, Demon Flash Bandit. You are a special dog to me, and I would not want to see you have to get out and mow your own yard. I am planning to come and mow it before winter sets in. I've just been extra busy. As if it isn't enough work keeping Prince Big Ears out of trouble, I've had to entertain the Pope also. A Queen's work is never done!

Love, Queen Lady Elizabeth
Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Correspondence)

Saturday, September 25, 2010

New Light Bulbs--Not a Good Idea

The last GE plant in Winchester, Virginia that produces incandescent light bulbs has now permanently closed. Thomas Edison's great invention is being replaced by a bunch of overpriced stupid looking light bulbs. They are supposed to be more energy efficient, but this dog has his doubts about that. I think the companies that make them are just pushing them because they cost more. Besides, the worst part of this new change is that everyone knows that when you get a good idea, a light bulb appears over your head. I'm sorry if having a weird squiggly looking thing appearing over your head just does not have the same kind of connotations. Maybe it will in years to come, but right now, if I looked at someone and saw a new style light bulb, I would have to assume that it is a stupid idea. How will we continue coming up with technological advances when the humans are all having stupid ideas instead of good ones?

As anyone who has watched a horror movie knows, light is very important. Most monstrous creatures choose to come out at night when it is dark. I hope this switch to new light bulbs does not cause some major problems in letting more monsters cause mayhem in our streets at night. I have watched enough old monster movies to know just how serious this can be. Those movies take place before light bulbs were invented, and Dracula, for example, was always out drinking blood at night. In fact, there was a commercial back then that advertised Blood: Vampire's kool-aid. The kool-aid man used to step out looking like a bag of blood and he would say, "oh yeah, type AB negative". Eventually a lot of humans had to join BDA (Blood Drinker's Anonymous) to kick the habit. Vampires do not join since they actually have to drink blood.

There was also a cool commercial that used to play during the same time period. For those of you who wonder where the villagers got the pitchforks so fast, the commercial was for Pitchforks R Us. They had a cool commercial with Paul the Pitchfork as their spokestool. There was even a song, "I don't to use my hands, I'm a Pitchforks are Us Kid. There are lots of Pitchforks at Pitchforks R Us that I can poke a vampire with". Needless to say, it was not a popular store with the vampire community. In honor of the movie, Twilight, the humans have formed a new team---Team Pitchfork. The vampires aren't too happy about that either.

I have some shopping to do so I had better mush off the computer. I think I'll go and buy myself a new pitchfork. One can never have too many of them when Halloween is approaching.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Stupid Looking New Light Bulbs)

Friday, September 24, 2010

Circling Life in a Gran Torino

I was chewing on a rawhide bone and watching the movie, Gran Torino, which is a good movie despite it not having any dogs in it. In fact, some of it was filmed in the Detroit area, which is very smart for a movie about a retired autoworker. They generally either live in Michigan or they take off to Florida to retire. My dad was an autoworker who would have loved the title of the movie. This is the man who tried to use a car name for every one of his sons except the one named after him. Mommy did not know this at the time, but if she has also been a car devotee, she would have known in advance that Shelby was the name of a Mustang. Anyway, Daddy would tell you that any movie with a car in it is almost as good as having a dog--not as good of course, but you know the movie is trying. I happen to like cars myself. There is nothing more fun than a good ride. I just wish the humans would let me stick my head out the window. I hear that is really fun. Anyway, Clint Eastwood starred in this movie, and while I was laying there chewing on my rawhide bone, I realized that he has been an actor for a very long time. In fact, he starred in a television show that has won the Dogsie award for Best Title of a Television Show of All Time---Rawhide. It had no problem winning that award--what dog wouldn't choose Rawhide? Anyway, because Clint Eastwood has been acting for so long, I realized something when I was watching the movie. He has went from playing in Rawhide to becoming Rawhide--you know how old skin gets nice and leathery. I mean no insult to this very talented actor, but it made me realize that what that lion said in Lion King about the Circle of Life is true. I suppose that sometimes you can even learn from cats. In fact, I am as finicky about food as cats, and I get mostly Burger King and chicken. Yes, the cats finickyness works. I also have to commend cats for eating birds. Cats can be annoying, but they do have their good points. Anyway, I highly recommend Gran Torino as a movie to watch if you want to see only humans. Sadly, way too many movies do not star dogs!

Demon Flash Bandit (Circle of Life)

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Robin Hood: The True Story

Legends, although not always completely true, usually do have some truth to them. This is true of the legend of Robin Hood. Most people are familiar with the typical tale of Robin Hood. He has been depicted in quite a few movies as being a man of noble birth who went on a Crusade, and returned home to find his lands stolen. He then had to deal with the evil Sheriff--probably one of those policemen who goes around shooting at dogs like Keith Shepherd who killed Bear Bear in Maryland, and the one I read about today who shot a chihuahua 3 times after tazering the dog. Two policemen could not handle one 7 pound chihuahua. I'd hate to send them after a 200 pound human criminal. The sad story of the two murdered dogs is a subject for another blog because this blog is about Robin Hood so I will get back on topic. Robin Hood was a skilled archer and swordsman who had a group of devoted followers called his "merry men". Personally, if this dog had to go around wearing those silly tights, I would not have been so merry, but humans get happy over stupid things. He hung out in Sherwood Forest where he stole from the rich to give to the poor. This is the legend that has been passed down through the centuries. As you may know, if you tell one friend a story, and they tell 10 other friends, chances are if you hear the story from the tenth friend, you won't even recognize that it is the story you told originally, and legends work the same way--except over the years, you have a lot more than 10 people to which the story has been passed down. This is why I am going to share the true historical account of Robin Hood. I have spent countless hours (yeah, like I bother to count) doing research on this subject just so I can write this blog and set the story straight.

Robin Hood, as you might have guessed from his name was a stupid bird. He was an outlaw because all birds are evil. He lived in Sherwood Forest because his nest was there. He robbed from everyone, but the main thing he took was snow which made all the sled dogs very mad. They got in touch with the Sheriff who went to arrest Robin Hood, but every time the sheriff got near to him, he dropped a white bomb on the Sheriff's head. This made the Sheriff of Nottingham very unhappy so he suggested that a bunch of archers get together and try to shoot at Robin Hood. However, Robin was out of town at a arts and crafts festival selling a new product he came up with--hoodies--shirts with hoods to keep your head warm when it is cold. In fact, he was only called Robin until he started the Hoodie business, and then Hood was added to his name.

He made millions of pounds (he did live in England so it was English money), and then he disappeared because the Sheriff was still out to get him. Robin was getting tired of dropping white bird bombs and watching out for the sheriff. He and Maid Marion Oriole, who had a wedding with all the forest birds in attendance probably lived happily ever after--no one really knows since they disappeared. I know this story is historically accurate because I found the manuscript on ebay, and it was written by William Dogspeare, a very popular writer and historian of his time.

Demon Flash Bandit (Setting the Legend Straight)

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

FrankenChummies--A Treat I Do Not Want to Try

The FDA is in the process of deciding whether to approve genetically modified salmon for human consumption (which would also include dog consumption). The salmon has been modified to grow twice as fast as non modified salmon. Critics of allowing genetically modified food have dubbed it Frankenfish. Personally, I can see the advantage of food growing faster so that it can be in a dog's tummy sooner, and there would be more of it, but I do understand the critics' misgivings about the whole idea. What if you end up with a bunch of really angry twice their normal size salmon, which happens to produce even bigger, angrier offspring? You can't always assume that mutants will end up nice like the Ninja Turtles. The world was lucky that they didn't turn out bad. I can also see other problems on the horizon. For example, what if the scientists start using the same technology for birds? My diabolically evil enemies, the birds do not need to be bigger. They steal enough of my snow the size they are now. Don't even get me started about the problems with genetically altered vegetables. The last thing the world needs is larger, faster growing killer tomatoes. I think the scientists who are doing this research could be better using their time finding a way to permanently eradicate fleas and mosquitoes. I have yet to meet a dog or a human either who likes either of those pests. I'm sure that it could be fun to watch encounters with modified salmon and other fish. Can you imagine a shark running into a super size salmon--you know they will get even bigger than regular salmon. The look on the shark's face would be hilarious. The only drawback is that, although funny to those of us animals who live on land, I don't think sharks possess a great sense of humor. At least I have never heard of any comedy clubs with sharks doing stand up comedy. There is a local club in town called the Shark Club, but despite its name, I don't think any actual sharks ever eat there. I think I would prefer to have old fashioned, non genetically modified salmon, and I highly recommend the dog treat, Yummy Chummies for that reason. It is made with delicious salmon, and I have yet to meet a dog who doesn't like it. I would never want to end up with FrankenChummy dog treats. I like them the way they are now.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Dancing With the Zombies

Listening to the humans conversations is one of my sources of daily entertainment. Yesterday, the humans were discussing zombies. The last movie Jeff saw was Resident Evil, which apparently had zombies in it. The movie went a step further and had zombie dogs which were trying to eat people. What do you expect from zombie dogs? Aren't zombie humans trying to eat people too, and that makes them cannibals. At least the dogs aren't eating other dogs and being cannibals. Anyway, it sounded like a stupid movie to me. I don't think Mommy thought the movie she saw, Eat, Pray, Love, was the greatest movie she had ever seen; but she was happy to report that it was zombie less. Anyway, Jeff then asked Mommy what she had against zombie movies, and she told him that she was okay with Sean of the Dead because it was funny, and she liked Zombieland, but she said most zombie movies are just stupid. Besides, Resident Evil was based on a video game, and most people Mommy's age are bad at video games. When Mommy was young, Atari ruled the video game world with games like Pac Man and Space Invaders. As they improved the graphics of the game, many of Mommy's age group became handicapped in playing video games. When Sonic the Hedgehog came out on Sega Genesis, which was a $300. system that my brother had to have back then, Mommy played the game a couple of times, and she could handle making the hedgehog look at her and stomp his foot. Evidently, the object of the game was not to annoy the hedgehog, but that was all Mommy wanted to do on the game. Now the video games have moved onto include systems like WI which makes the humans actually work which, according to Mommy ruins the whole idea of playing video games. When she was a kid, children could run outside and their parents never had to buy any kind of system or games to allow it. They just opened the door and took off. They played actual games with other kids in the neighborhood which were also free or low cost since most could be played with something as simple as a ball. If you ask this dog, I think Mommy's generation has the right idea. This dog does not play video games either, but I do love to run after a ball. Anyway, evidently, zombies are not high on Mommy's list of entertainment choices even though Jeff does seem to think they are entertaining.

On the subject of entertainment, how has Dancing With The Stars lasted for 11 seasons? Are the humans really that easily entertained? Judging from the reality shows, they are. However, when the show has to book Bristol Palin to dance on there, my first and foremost question is, how is it dancing with the stars? Bristol is by no means a star. I am not being hard on the political right. I would not be any more impressed if they booked Chelsea Clinton. Why? Because Chelsea Clinton is not a star. I am not talking politics here....I'm talking logic. Maybe I can see her on one episode, but as this dog understands it, the couples keep coming back. To be fair, the stars on that show aren't really stars in the true sense of stardom. Somehow I just can't imagine Johnny Depp on the phone with Dancing with the Stars' producer......"sure, I have nothing better to do than be on Dancing With the Stars.....I told them to halt production on that new Pirates of the Caribbean movie so I can come on there and dance with the unemployed actors and actresses. Wait a minute.....I'd have to give up a truckload of cash....sorry, I'm unavailable". Don't get me wrong I am not putting down the stars on there, but I'm pointing out that the real stars usually have work to do, and aren't available for such a silly television show. I also fail to see how entertaining a bunch of humans shaking and jiggling around on stage can be. I watched a video clip of a dog who could dance on its back paws, and that was impressive. I wish I could share it on my blog, but it was not me, and I don't want to get into any trouble with the dance police.

It just occurred to me that if a network would put those two shows together to make a show called Dancing With the Zombies, I think that show would be a winner. I know I would watch it and so would my humans.

In closing, I have to make the observation that humans are easily entertained. In fact, I have seen my humans mesmerized and oohing and aahing because I wiped my face with my paw. Of course, if I saw myself do that in the mirror, I would be impressed too. I think I'll go entertain myself in the mirror for awhile. Look how cute I am!!!!!!!!1

Demon Flash Bandit (Entertainment Observations)

Monday, September 20, 2010

Dogs on Strike!

Since my last post yesterday, I have been a busy dog. What have I been doing, you may ask? I have been making protest signs. I am tired of being left out on trips to the store, theatre, and other fun outings. I decided to start making protest signs so that other dogs and myself can carry them around outside places that don't allow us into their establishments. It is about time us dogs start picketing these places and let our barks and howls be heard. The next step is for us to go on strike. Let's see how the humans like it when we lay around all day and sleep instead of working. The watch dogs aren't going to bark at strangers. The hunting dogs are going to refuse to hunt. Personally, I will not be doing any mushing. I'm not sure how well this is going to work since, as in my case, I never mush anywhere anyway, but if the humans need me to take them anywhere, they are out of luck and they will have to live with that knowledge. I will continue to eat Burger King because I have no problems with Mr. King Burger who runs the place. You know he has to like dogs or he would not make such delicious burgers for us. The milkshakes there are quite tasty too.

We dogs are tired of having the silly humans tell us what to do. Let's hold a treat up above their heads and tell them to sit or beg. See how they like having to entertain us dogs for their treats. We will then tell the other dogs around us what smart humans they are for doing tricks like that. Yes, this dog is annoyed, and I am not going to sit back and take it anymore. If the humans want to avoid these problems, I suggest they start letting us dogs go with them everywhere they go. Believe me, a lot of us dogs are better behaved and easier to deal with than a lot of humans.

Demon Flash Bandit (Protesting Dog Treatment)

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Calling all Superheroes

Dream Works Animation has organized a big event to occur at the L.A. Live Theater on October 2, 2010 at 8:00 am. The event, the world's largest gathering of super heroes, is part of MegaMonth, a month honoring the release of the new movie Megamind. Will Ferrell will be hosting the event. Dream Works is hoping to get 1,500 costumed superheroes to attend the event. The costumed Superhero has to be a recognizable superhero that has appeared in a published book, comic, television show, or movie. I am assuming that superheroes like Krypto and Underdog will be welcome. They might be able to discriminate against ordinary, non-super dogs, but I'm sure they would draw the line at discrimination against super-dogs.

I wish I could attend this event. I would love to see all the ones who show up. Sure, Superman and Batman will be there, but I'd like to make sure the lesser known ones show up--like Blankman, Bluntman, and Chronic. Could Luke Skywalker count as a superhero since he has all those powers of the force with him or would that be cheating since he has to use the force? If you have any questions like that, perhaps you can contact Dream Works for answers since they are the ones organizing the event. For those of you dogs who get to go, have a good time!

Demon Flash Bandit (Superdogs Had Better be Included in the Event)

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Bark Like a Pirate?

Ahoy. I have told Angel Zoom Smokey to put on her Halloween Pirate costume in honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day. So far, she has threatened to issue some puppy slaps of justice for the suggestion, and she told me to wear it myself. Since I do not want to wear it, I suppose there is going to be a limited amount of Pirate Partying around here unless Angel drinks too much grog, in which case, I might be able to trick her into wearing it. I am not counting on it since Angel is not an easy dog to fool.

To help my readers enjoy the holiday, there are actually websites that help you talk like a pirate, and everyone knows how serious a topic has to be before there is a website about it. However, I could not find one website with instructions on how dogs can bark like a pirate dog. Also, do dogs dress up in a pirate's hat and are there other things a pirate dog is expected to wear? How does a dog carry a sword around with him. I'm assuming that a dog can be the Captain of a ship if he chooses to do so. In fact, I think I have a great name for a pirate to have: Captain Demon Flash Bandit, pirate. It does have a very piratey sound to it, don't you think? I bet spell check is going to tell me that pirately is not a word. When it does, I will take out my sword and kill spell check and thus, prove I am a worthy pirate. I'm sure pirates in the old days used to keep the computers in line (or on line---they seem like the kind of people who would be on Twitter) on their ships. I'm sharing an old pirate tweet with you from the old days:
Me just commandeered a ship which me thought would bring a vast array of treasure, but alas, the booty from the ship was not what me expected. Me should have known that a ship flying under the "mouse" flag might not have been a good choice, but even a pirate captain has bad days every now and then. How was me supposed to know that Disney had a cruise ship for senior citizens? The complaints alone were enough to make me want to jump into the ocean and join Davy Jones in his locker. Where is the Cracken when you need it? Young people tend to shut up and do what they are told, but me supposes older people will take the risk and tell you off. Perhaps they don't feel they have as much to live for as the younger ones. Ten old ladies hit me over the head with their purses, and if me sees one more photo of the grandchildren, me will scream. The old men can't hear anything you tell them. I've had 24 of them attack me with their canes--and me thought the canes were for dancing. My crew has confiscated the electric scooters and they are driving them around the ship. Me thinks they are about to mutiny because the novelty of the electric scooters is wearing thin. Me thinks me will let the people go back to their ship, and then lock me-self into me quarters until this whole mutiny idea is over. Even Pirate Captains can have some very, very bad days! Next time, me will be more careful about the ships I commandeer. ---Captain Blue Eyed Husky

I do hope those who choose to participate enjoy talk like a pirate day. For those dogs who know how to bark like a pirate, start a website. I know that humans only have websites about things that are very important, but I think dogs would appreciate knowing how to bark like a pirate. The humans would never start a website just to entertain other humans, would they?

I hope everyone has a nice weekend, and if you find any spare pirate treasure in your back yard that you don't want, let me know. A dog can always use treasure...hopefully someone will find some dingo bones. They are so tasty!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Talk Like a Pirate Day)

Friday, September 17, 2010

The Office Should be Run by Dogs

Mommy just bought the fifth season of The Office on DVD. Since it happens to be the favorite show of Angel Zoom Smokey and myself (judging from how many times we have taken the Dundee award the the Dwight bobble head before Mommy put them out of our reach), I have decided to write about that particular television show in today's blog.

I want to begin by saying that both Angel Zoom Smokey and myself like the boss, Micheal Scott. I personally think that he is a dog dressed up as a human because he likes to eat, naps in his office, and generally does as he pleases and likes to have fun. If I were running a company, I would want to be pals with my employees and have fun on the job. Of course, being a dog, I would be smarter than Michael, but that is just the way it is--even the humans know that, but just don't want to think about it.

I have to admit that if I ran a company, it would make money. When the company announced that all "time wasting" sites would be blocked, I have to agree with them about that except of course for the always essential and never a waste of time blog by Demon Flash Bandit or the wonderful website, . I am a blogger on that site too so it is no way it could be a waste of time. They must have seen that Onion Movie where the newscaster said that the Internet was down for 3 hours earlier in the day throwing everyone into productivity. There were a few times I felt like biting some of the characters--like when the salespeople began to think they were all that mattered. This dog felt like going on there and telling them to use their brains. If there weren't people to make a product or distribute a product, there would be no point in selling a product. I have never understood some of the humans' obsession with being the most important human. It isn't like they can be a dog, so why worry about it? I do have to tell you that I was very pleased to see the new owner walk in with 2 beautiful Great Danes. Finally, my many suggestions about adding a dog to the program was heeded--and they even hired 2 dogs. I was a bit annoyed that I didn't see the dogs in the opening credits, but at least they are in the show. The opening credits always amuse me anyway, B J Novak is always on the opening credits next to his character even if he isn't on the show at all, and when he is, it is a small part, and yet they just now put Ed Helms in the credits. If you ask this dog, several of the writers have big egos and actually hurt the show by being in it because you can tell when they write they are very biased about their character. I could understand that if I were a writer and I decided to be in the show I was writing, but that is understandable since I am Demon Flash Bandit, DOG!!!! I do recommend this show, but Mommy says it isn't as funny as some of the past seasons. I say give Angel and myself back our dundee award and Dwight bobble head. Life is good.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fan of The Office)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Appearance of Money Could be Improved!

Today I am going to discuss something the humans seem to think about a large amount of the time: MONEY. I like money. Even as a puppy, I observed that when you give the people at drive thru useless pieces of green paper, they give you burgers at Burger King and ice cream at the Diary Queen drive thru. I know it is silly. I would never give up a burger for a piece of paper, but these businesses are run by humans, and all of us dogs know how dumb they are. Mommy actually has a nine dollar bill that she ordered from Ebay awhile back and it is the only piece of green paper that I would accept if I were Burger King even though it clearly says it is non negotiable. Instead of having those silly looking old humans on it, it has a lovely Siberian husky on it instead. It even says "in dog we trust" which is a smart move if you ask me. This brings me to the important part of this blog. Why did the humans choose to put old men on the money when they could have put some adorable dogs on the money instead? I think that part of the reason people can't hold onto money is because looking at the faces of a bunch of old guys does not make a human want to save that money. However, with a cute face like mine, the humans would save their money because who would want to give up money with such a handsome face on it? I think the governments should re-think their position on how they make their money look. Now that I have solved the problem with the economy, it is time to take a nap.

By the way, I see the Pope is visiting the Queen of England. Did she not tell him she needs to come here to mow my yard? Queen Lady, I know you want to come and mow my yard.....I think you should tell him to get in his Popemobile and come back later--you have mowing to do.

Demon Flash Bandit (Solving Economic Problems for the Humans)

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Stand Up Comic Dog

I'm sorry about the lack of a blog yesterday, but my secretary, Mommy, was gone most of the day. I told her that there were dogs in Cyberland waiting to read my words of wisdom, but she left anyway. Did she go anywhere important? No, not in this dog's opinion. Sure stopping by Burger King to get my burgers was important, but the Chinese restaurant where she ate, and the shopping she did--not important at all!! The least important thing she did was go to the theatre. I have told her many times that my humans should boycott the theatre until they allow dogs, but Jeff wanted to see Resident Evil even though I told him Good Tourist looks like a much better movie, and will be out soon. Mommy went to see Eat, Pray, Love. It seems there were free tickets involved for that movie since Mommy bought some blu ray dvds with free ticket offers on them. To show just how Jeff felt about the preview for that movie, he said he would PAY to see Resident Evil rather than go and see Eat, Pray, Love FREE. I personally would have went to see Eat, Pray, Love with Mommy because it sounds like a good movie centered around food so a dog can get into the subject. I asked Mommy about it, and the main character, Liz, liked to eat, she likes to pray for more food, and she loved the food she got. Mommy might not have described it in exactly those words, but that is what I heard and that is what I wanted to hear. I hear there is going to be a sequel that is being filmed as I write this blog. The sequel will be titled, Get Fat, New Clothing, Diet. I think I will skip its sequel. It does not sound like a dog friendly movie to me because if my vet ever brings up that four letter word, diet, he will be sorry. Aren't veterinarian's fingers low calorie food?LOL

Angel Zoom Smoky and I had fortune cookies last night, and mine said I would have a shower of luck before my birthday so the universe has a couple of months to get busy showering me with good luck. There had better not be any tricks because if the shower involves water, I will not approve, and I might be in the mood for some of those low calorie fingers....yes, I make myself laugh. I don't know why I don't have a stand up act on a cable network. I can see it now....HBO presents, Demon Flash Bandit, the dog who makes America laugh. I could do my "you might be a chicken" jokes and make lots of money and I could buy lots of dingo bones and Yummy Chummies. I think I would be the first stand up comic dog so HBO should take advantage of the opportunity before more dogs get into comedy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Stand Up Comic Dog)

Monday, September 13, 2010

King Demon Flash Bandit

I have always felt that I should live in a castle like his highness, Mr. Burger King. Imagine my excitement when I saw on the Internet news that a man is in the process of building an authentic 13th century castle the same way they built it back then. An archaeologist named Guyot had a dream to build a castle like this. I wonder how he knew that it would be the perfect home for me, Demon Flash Bandit. The castle is being built in France, and it is named Guedelon. I hope the locals plan to learn English or dog because this dog has no plans to learn to speak French. One human language is enough for this dog. I don't need to hear the humans sounding stupid in more than one language. Of course, when I move in, it will have to be modernized a bit. I would add a Burger King. How would I eat without BK? I would also have to make sure it is air conditioned. Sure, I am not worried about heat in the winter because I like cold, but there is no way that this dog is going to put up with heat in the summer.

It is about time the humans built a home worthy of a dog with my many accomplishments. It is quite large so I will even let the humans live inside with me. I will need someone around to wait on me. I don't want to have to get up to get my own food. I will also allow Angel Zoom Smokey to live in the castle with me. She is a good dog most of the time--as long as she listens to my every word and tells me that I am the greatest dog in the world. Of course, she has a habit of not always doing that, but I'm sure she will get better with the chance to live in a castle. When the castle in finished--and they need to use some more modern methods so I don't have to wait another 15 years for it. The novelty of using old building methods has lost its appeal since I can't move in until it is finished. To quote the words of Larry the Cable Guy....."get er done".
Demon Flash Bandit (Kind Dog)

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Puppy Tweets

Mattel has introduced a new product, Puppy Tweets, that provides a way for us dogs to send tweets to our owners. Since most of us dogs have problems with typing on the computer, the device comes with 500 pre-recorded "tweets". Dogs can follow other dogs and other dogs can follow them. Now dogs can get involved with Twitter--yes, social networking for dogs on one of the humans' own social sites--did we ever think this would happen? I'm sure many of you are wondering what I think of this new invention. The idea is good, and the price is reasonable (Amazon has it for $29.99), and it sounds like a great idea, but the problem this dog has if that it is on that Twitter. Twitter is one of those sites that upsets this dog since it has a bird as its symbol. Since birds are in a conspiracy to cause global warming and take over the planet, I always tend to think there is a conspiracy whenever I see a bird involved in an item. I know you might say, Demon Flash Bandit, how can you be so sure----it seems harmless enough"? That is just what I would want dogs to think if I were a bird. I'm sure it is harmless-except that it gets the dogs so busy "tweeting" (what a horrible thought-dogs "tweeting at each other") that the birds can take over the world. The humans aren't smart enough to notice--they wouldn't see it coming until the birds have guns at their heads marching them off to some horrible place where they will have to be the slaves to the birds. If you get the dogs busy, that only leaves the cats to watch out for the birds activities, and if the birds are willing to pay the cats enough, those cats just might let them take over. The birds are counting on the item looking innocent while they sneak around and do all their evil bird activities.

As I said, I have nothing personal against the device other than the possibility that it is a device invented by birds to keep dogs from noticing their treachery. However, there is something else that bothers me. If the device is not invented by birds ( and you can prove it to my satisfaction), what is the point of sending pre-recorded messages that Mattel has made up? Why not send actual messages from real dogs? For example, a pre-recorded message that says "its hard to tweet when your all paws" might be a cute message for the humans to receive, but if I'm sending messages to my humans, they will be a bit different. I'll give you some examples. I would tweet. "since you left me with only the dogsitter, at least bring back some Burger King for me to eat." I would also tweet something to the effect of, "you left without me. Didn't you see my face in the window? I hope you are feeling guilty." Perhaps the heart felt, "I'm planning to tear up everything in the house. It is my gift to you for leaving me behind." These are the kind of "tweets" most of us would send. By the way, if a dog sends them, couldn't they be called barks or wolfs. No self respecting dog wants to tweet to other dogs or humans. We do have our dignity to think about.

Demon Flash Bandit (My Opinion Of Tweeting Dogs)

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Forget the Halloween Costume: I'm Going to Dress as Demon Flash Bandit

Mommy went shopping yesterday, and she came home with something for Angel Zoom Smokey and myself, which normally would make us both very happy. This was not the case yesterday. As it turns out, it is getting near enough to Halloween for the stores to be carrying Halloween items, and Mommy found (in her words), "the cutest costumes and she just HAD to buy them". I'm not saying they aren't cute--hanging in the store or on another dog, but we go through this every year with Mommy. Do the humans ever learn? Did the cute outfits from past Halloweens that Mommy could not get us to wear teach her nothing? She got a Devil costume for me--complete with a "forked" tail. My own tail is gorgeous, and she buys me a costume with a dumb looking tail. She thought the outfit was "cute" since my name is Demon. She got Angel a Pirate costume-complete with skull and crossbones on the back. No self respecting dog wants to wear a costume with a bone drawn on it. We want bones to eat. Angel took off as soon as she saw the costumes, but I hung around long enough for Mommy to check out the size, and the one advantage for us is that I think Mommy will have to take them back because the Large size is not big enough. Now she is looking for dog costumes on the Internet. Why can't Halloween just stick with the good part--the candy and not involve costumes? I, for one, would love to see dog costumes banned for all time. At least she didn't buy us the "cute ladybug" costume. We dogs do have our limits as to what we will put up with even from humans we love.

Demon Flash Bandit (Halloween Costumes Are Not Meant for Dogs)

Friday, September 10, 2010

Miracle Toaster

Until recently, if you wanted your bread to have a religious person on it like Jesus, Mary, or Conan O'Brian ( he is the Irish Saint of leprechauns), you had to wait for a piece of toast to pop out of the toaster with the image of the person on it. Now, thanks to the Daily Bread Toaster Company, you can buy a toaster for only $39.95 that will give you the image of Jesus burned into your toast each and every time. For those of you who are interested in this product, and yes, I am not making it up, you can check it out for yourself at I think this bread will give a whole new meaning to the Lord's supper--and this dog does not want to even think about that. Call me crazy, but I will not be ordering this toaster. I think it is creepy to eat bread that looks like Jesus. I know I'm probably not the only one who feels this way. For those of you who want the toaster, go ahead and order it, but I think I will keep the toaster I have and eat toast that looks like toast. I can only hope that Burger King does not order a bun toaster that does this. I don't need Jesus' image on my Whoppers.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of the New Religious Toaster)

Thursday, September 9, 2010

It is Always Sunny in Philadelphia

I was watching the first 2 seasons of It is Always Sunny in Philadelphia yesterday, and this dog thought it was a funny show. Sure, it could use a dog in it, but that is true of most television shows. If they want to improve the show, I could make a guest appearance since I think I am about as well behaved as the humans on the show. In fact, most of them seem to be so selfish and stupid that they metaphorically shoot themselves in the foot in each episode. Sure, it might be funnier if they would literally shoot themselves in the foot, but there was one episode where one of them shot the other one in the face which is close enough for this dog. They also crippled a character by running over him in their car. The fact that the show can still be funny while dealing with these tragic events is noteworthy. The show has managed to sign on Danny Devito, who happens to be a very funny guy.

Mommy has been to Philadelphia several times and she says she didn't meet anyone like those people there. She said the people she met were nice, and she enjoyed the city--things like Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell. Perhaps if Mommy went to the fun places like the neighborhood bars, she would meet the more interesting humans. However, Mommy doesn't spend time at bars. Bars would go out of business if it were up to Mommy's patronage to keep them open. Then where would we find our funny, drunk humans who do such stupid things? Sure the humans are capable of being stupid when they are sober, but being drunk adds so much stupidity to the mix.

Demon Flash Bandit (Reviewing It is Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Human Puppies Here Started School

The human puppies in our town started school yesterday. I hope they are happier about school starting than I would be. I know I'm not a fan of obedience school, but judging from how long the humans have to be in school to learn obedience, we dogs are geniuses. Of course, dogs already know that, but you would think the humans would notice how fast we graduate compared to their own human puppies. I guess it is just hard for the humans to admit how many years they waste in school learning something a dog learns in a couple of months.

My humans went to see the movie, Salt yesterday. Mommy says Angelina Jolie made that movie so that, when her human puppies give her trouble, she can show them that movie. Since she was beating up everyone in the movie, it would be an easy way to make those human puppies realize that they had better do what Mommy says and not mess around disobeying her. I wonder....with the influence of that movie, would her puppies be able to graduate from school earlier than other human puppies? Of course, we are dealing with humans here so they probably wouldn't graduate any faster. Sadly, they just don't have the brain power of a dog. By the way, a sequel to salt is being made as I write this, it will be called Pepper.

As usual, it is a busy day for this dog. I have napping to do, and I plan to do some serious dreaming while I'm napping. Until tomorrow....

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About Human Puppies)

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Dognapping is a Serious Crime

I just saw a news video from ABC news about humans dognapping innocent dogs from their humans. This is something that needs to be stopped!!!! Just because a dog is friendly is no excuse for some scummy human to steal the dog from his favorite humans. I decided to check into this to see what the penalty for doing such a thing would be. If a human dognaps a dog, he doesn't even get prison for life. In this dog's opinion, that human should get the death penalty. Sure, this dog knows that the likes of Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton won't get any kind of justice, but you would think that if someone is rotten enough to dognap a pet, that person would at least be locked away for life to protect other innocent dogs from being dognapped. Recently I reported the story from a Maryland dog park on how Keith Shepherd, an off duty rent a cop with a gun shot Bear Bear, a Siberian Husky. The local police were going to let him off. He was guilty of dog murder until the incident hit the Internet, and then he got into a bit of trouble. Of course, not much more than Lohan or Hilton would get. They don't even get the proverbial slap on the wrist. They get pat on the shoulder from law enforcement. I say that when a dog is murdered or dognapped, there needs to be more serious laws in effect. One good thing for us dogs is that we have McGruff the crime dog in our corner. I know he is working on making the laws tougher for dognappers. I don't care what it takes--I will run for President again if it means that dogs will get treated with more respect by the judicial system. Until then, watch out for bad humans. Most of them are nice, but some can't be trusted!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dognapping is WRONG)

Monday, September 6, 2010

Dead Bird is the Word

From what this dog has observed of human behavior, they tend to watch a lot of television. This is okay with me because I can always nap while they watch, and often I sit next to Mommy and get tummy rubs or have her pet my butt while she watches. This is why I think television was a wonderful invention. It gives the humans more time to spend with their dogs. However, occasionally, this dog finds some programs offensive and last night was one of those times. Mommy was watching an episode of Family Guy, which is a reality show in which the dog is the only one on there with any intelligence. That is what puts it in the reality show genre--all us dogs know that we have the brains and the humans don't. As I said, normally, this is a show I approve of wholeheartedly, but that was before the episode came on when Peter Griffin got the record of his favorite song, Surfin' Bird by The Trashmen. The song keeps repeating, The bird is the word. If I want a sentence with a bird in it, that sentence will say, "Thankfully, the bird is dead". Very much like that dead turkey I ate a couple of days ago, I have no problems with dead birds, but the song is about live birds. I don't know why The Trashmen bothered to record that song. They work with garbage and could have written far more interesting songs with that kind of inspiration. Just off the top of my head, several song titles come to mind. Imagine if they had written, "Rotting banana peels smell like my heart which is rotting since you turned me down". Perhaps a happier song like, I Found This Ring in the Garbage for You". Even a mediocre song titled, "I Am Searching Through the Garbage for You". The Trashmen didn't record too many songs because they went on to star in a movie, Men at Work, which was made in 1990. They played the parts of garbage men very convincingly. Critics have referred to them as the Trashy versions of Capt. Jack Sparrow. At the annual Trashmen Awards, they always win the coveted Glade Award which they use to make their garbage truck smell better all year. Anyway, the "bird" song is very annoying and Family Guy's episode kept playing it over and over. If they had the good sense to record, "The Bird is pah the bird is dead. Everyone knows the bird is dead", it would have been a big hit instead of an annoying song played on Family Guy. Remember, when it comes to birds, the only good bird is a dead bird.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dead Bird is the Word)

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Turkey: Delicious Dead Bird

Last night my humans kept telling me I was being a bad dog, but I maintain that they were being stupid humans. I suppose the most logical place to start this blog is at the beginning. I like to take naps during the day, and I usually hold no interest in the food the humans are eating for dinner. Why should I bother to wake up when I know that I will have my own food catered for me later when I am hungry? Yesterday was not a normal day. My humans had roasted turkey breast. I had no idea that they were having such a rare delicacy nor did they know I would want any since I tend to turn down food I haven't tried in the past. My motto is "why take risks with my taste buds?". As usual, Angel Zoom Smokey was right there with the humans getting her share and enjoying it. When I woke up, she came up and breathed on me, and I could smell the turkey on her breath. Yes, dead bird on her breath and none for me. What were my humans thinking? They tried feeding me Burger King. I didn't eat. They tried feeding me chicken and I refused to eat. They would have just assumed that I wasn't hungry except that I did my usual "hungry dog" behavior. I started climbing on furniture, and scratching the wooden foot of Mommy's bed. This gets the humans' attention. It took them several hours, but they finally realized that I wanted turkey. Once I got turkey and my tummy was full, I went back to the sweet, good dog that is my usual disposition. Angel Zoom Smokey could no longer taunt me with the delicious smell of turkey on her breath, and I have put in a vote for turkey when Thanksgiving rolls around. Mommy says pizza is the traditional Thanksgiving menu, but I think we should throw caution to the wind and eat turkey. It is delicious!

Demon Flash Bandit (Add Turkey to My List of Favorite Foods)

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Penguin: The Perfect Pet for a Siberian Husky Dog

I have come to the conclusion that Angel Zoom Smokey and myself need a pet. I have even found the perfect pet. That pet is a penguin who we will name Panda. Angel and I decided that Panda would be a perfect name since penguins are black and white. I suppose we could name him or her Zebra, but that would be silly. It is always nice to have a new friend so a pet is a wonderful idea, but the best part about having a penguin as a pet is that penguins have to live where it is COLD. Therefore, the humans would have no excuse for not allowing the house to be cold. In the winter, we can skip the heat, and in the summer, let the air conditioner work harder. In fact, add a couple of air conditioners. We huskies like it cold too. For those dogs who don't enjoy cold, you should choose a different pet, but penguins are great pets for huskies. I know they are sort of a member of the bird family, and normally I hate birds, but I mainly hate those little annoying birds. Penguins do not come to Michigan to steal my snow. They may buy it from the birds who steal it, but they are just trying to stay cold and probably don't even realize what thieves the little birds happen to be. I wish I had thought of getting Panda before summer arrived. It has been entirely too hot this summer, and I was not pleased. Next year, the house will be nice and cool for our new pet penguin, Panda. I hope other Siberian huskies will adopt this plan--less homeless penguins--more cold houses. What more could a husky ask for?

Demon Flash Bandit (I Need a Pet Penguin)

Friday, September 3, 2010

Doggy Inspired Flavored Water

Today's blog is about water, specifically bottled water which has become so popular with the humans in recent years. There was a time when most humans literally drank water right from the tap, but now most of the humans buy the water that they drink from companies that bottle the water. This would be an insane concept since most of those companies are probably getting the water from their tap except for the fact that, if you have tasted the water from the tap around here, you would pay extra for bottled water too. Sure, theoretically, the water from the tap at this house is free since it comes from a well, but it is also "hard" water that has iron in it, and unless you are hoping to become Iron Man from the inside, you will choose not to drink it. Angel and I get bottled water in our watering dish. Mommy suspects the main reason we never drink out of the big porcelain watering bowl is because it has the well water in it. Sure, some humans are lucky. When Mommy was growing up in Georgia, the humans had a well there that had "soft" water from an underground spring which was better than much of the bottled water, but I suspect you just have to get lucky to live in an area that has the tasty water. This brings me to today's topic. Stores sell products you can add to water like Kool Aid and Crystal Light to flavor the water. They also sell water with vitamins--YUCK at the thought!!!! Mommy bought some doggy bottled water with nutrition packed inside, and both Angel and I refused to drink it. We could smell the nutrition and wanted no part of it. Anyway, if these companies want to make money on doggy water, why not sell flavored water that dogs will like? Kool Aid would not have survived if it had marketed liver flavor water! Most humans don't even want to eat liver. It is disgusting. I think a company should market dog water with flavors like Burger King Burger flavor water, chicken water, Yummy Chummy water, dingo bone water, and root beer water--I used to love root beer Icees when I was a puppy. Then White Castle switched flavors, and I couldn't get them anymore. I never liked the burgers much, but I loved the root beer. The fact that it was like a cold day in Alaska didn't hurt any. If you own a water company, you have my permission to use my idea, but it would be nice if you made sure that Angel and I were welcome to a free lifetime supply of the flavored water.

Demon Flash Bandit (Idea Dog)

Thursday, September 2, 2010

This Dog Does Not Want to Mess With Husky Union Local 36

I hope all my readers are having a good day. This is a good day for me because I have discovered the next singing sensation, Peter and the Opossums. As soon as I heard them sing, I became their manager, and I know that they are going to be every bit as good as my favorite group, Alvin and the Chipmunks. They aren't quite as cute as the chipmunks, but after hearing them sing, I know that people will overlook that handicap, and love them anyway. Peter, like Alvin, is going to have a little Pee on his shirt. No, it is not what you are thinking. Okay, maybe it is what you are thinking. The Opossums aren't quite housebroken yet, but we are working on that issue now. I know some of you may be asking, Demon, how do you keep up with so write several blogs, are a member of the singing group the Howling Huskies, own your own Internet toy store (, and have several books that you are planning to publish? How can you take on more? The answer is simple. I'm a working breed dog so it is in my blood, and all the aforementioned things are easier than pulling the humans around on a sled. If you ask me, the humans should be pulling us dogs around. However, since it is part of our doggy union contract to work since I'm a "working breed", I would be messing with Husky Union Local 36 if I didn't have some things going on, and you don't want to mess with Husky Union Local 36. I've heard they hire chihuahuas to come and bark at you, and if you have ever met a chihuahua, you know that their barking is annoying. The little guys never shut up either so, as I said, I don't want to mess with Husky Union Local 36.

Mommy was watching the King of Queens yesterday, and although I would guess that Doug is probably a fan of hamburgers, he does not look at all like the Burger King. I hope that he isn't trying for the job because I was upset enough to learn that His Highness, Mr. Burger King might sell his restaurants, I really don't think Doug has the proper image for being His Highness, Mr. Burger King. I like his show, and have nothing against him, but he just doesn't impress me as being into royal food. My image was not changed after watching the show. I think he would even eat McDonalds burgers---yes the dreaded and horrible McD burger. I don't really mind if he chooses to eat them, but it is not the kind of behavior one would expect from the highly exalted royal position as owner of Burger King.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dishing Out My Opinions)

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Burger King Cannot be Owned by Commoners

This dog is highly upset today over something I read in the news. Burger King might be up for sale. Yes, Burger King, the place that sells this dog's favorite food, might be sold to another company. This upsets me because how can a dog know that the new owners might not mess with the menu and start serving food this dog doesn't like? I happen to be a picky eater. I have refused to eat burgers from McDonalds since I was a puppy. The clown just does not serve a burger high enough in quality to persuade me to eat it. However, I am okay with their bacon and ice cream. Does the King know what is happening in his realm? Has he been taken over by some evil influence like that king in Lord of the Rings? Is he sick? Someone needs to check on the King's health and get him to realize that selling Burger King would be a mistake. If a bunch of commoners buy the franchise, the burgers won't be royal anymore, and what will I serve the Queen of England when she comes to mow my yard? Of course her coming does depend on if that royal pain the the arse, Prince Charles, can ever take care of himself long enough for the Queen Lady to come for a visit. Perhaps she could talk to the King of Burgerland for me. Maybe he will listen to another royal. Meanwhile, Mommy has been watching a marathon session of The Tudors. Henry the VIII was not a good king. He didn't serve hamburgers to his subjects or do anything noteworthy except marry and kill his wives. I think he was the first recorded serial killer in history. It seemed to me that he spent most of his time putting people to death. You would think a couple of his "subjects" would have gotten together and returned the favor, but I suppose they weren't allowed to or it would have ruined the series which would have annoyed the Showtime executives. Perhaps if everyone started eating at Burger King everyday, the King would not even consider selling the franchise. It is a sacrifice that this dog is willing to make.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Burger King)