Wonderful Wizard Who is a Dog!

Today's blog is the story of a heroic dog named Toto. Toto lived with his uncle and aunt in a farm in Kansas until one day a tornado hit, and he was transported to a magical land over the rainbow. This land was filled with dogs and was a very happy place except for some evil witch birds. Toto's house landed on the wicked bird witch of the East and the rest of the time in this land, he had to deal with her evil sister, the wicked witch bird of the West. Toto wanted to get home to his family. The chihuahuas who met him when he landed told him he should see the Wizard, who could find a magical way to get him home. They told him to follow the Dingo Bone Road. He set out to find the Wizard, and along the way he ended up with some travelling companions. He met the Scarecrow--the bird that needed a brain (like that isn't true of all birds). He met the robot dog who needed a heart, and the cowardly cat who needed courage. They went along the road singing this song:





We're off to see the Wizard, the Wizard who is a dog.
He really is a wizacle dog if ever a wizard dog there was.
Because of the wonderful things he does, the wizard of dog is a dog because
because...because....because.....because....BECAUSE
Because of the wonderful dog he is.
We're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful wizard whose a dog!

Despite being a prisoner of the evil witch bird of the West for a short time, they made it to the Wizard, and all their dreams came true. What else would you expect? The wizard was a dog--not a stupid human who would make them face the Wicked Bird Witch of the West for a broom.

Demon Flash Bandit (Telling the Story of the Wizard of Dog)

Dogs Need Meat!

As a dog, I enjoy eating meat. It is one of my favorite foods next to cookies. You can imagine how I felt when I discovered on the Internet that now some of the humans have decided that dogs can be vegan dogs. I don't know about the rest of you, but I do not think that dogs were meant to be vegetarians. If we were, I would be more fond of vegetables, and I'm not a big fan of them. We are cousins to the wolves, and I haven't noticed our wild cousins showing up to eat at a salad bar. That is because wolves want meat. I might add that the animals that the vegans are so concerned about are usually eating other animals. Let's take the bird for example (I wish someone would take them since they annoy me). An owl is a bird, and he eats rodents, bunnies, small dogs, etc. Does he feel guilty about having dinner? I can guarantee you he does not. I say if a dog eats the owl, then a chihuahua might not be his dinner in the future. Sure, it would be nice if meat grew from a garden, but it does not. I know this because I have tried planting meat and it never grows. You can imagine how disappointed I was when my bed of bacon never materialized. I had my taste buds all ready for a large crop of bacon and I had to do without. It was one of the saddest moments of my life. I know most of the humans aren't vegans, but I have observed that humans are easily influenced. Therefore, if any dogs reading this see their humans bring in a book about a dog being a vegan (yes, there are books on the subject), get rid of that book as quickly as possible. Shred it, eat it, pee on it...whatever you have to do to get rid of it, do it!!! You'll thank me later when you are enjoying a dinner with meat!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Meat)

Taco Bell Chihuahua

Whatever happened to the chihuahua that used to be the spokesdog for Taco Bell? I think Taco Bell was very intelligent to use a dog as their spokesdog. Mommy even has some of the little talking stuffed chihuahuas Taco Bell used to sell a few years ago. In my opinion, they one of the few treasures around here. They are almost as cute as the stuffed huskies Mommy has. (I admit-I am a bit biased since I'm a husky.) It is a big job being a spokesdog, but for a little dog, that chihuahua did a great job. I hope he is enjoying his retirement and living a good life!

Normally, I am not a fan of dog food. However, there is one dog food that I approve of and will eat. That food is Beneful Prepared Meals. They come in a little plastic containers, and they look like human food. Personally, I prefer the ones with the bright orange top (stewed chicken), but I'm sure other dogs have their preferences. There are other dog foods that are cheaper, but remember, you are a dog and worthy of spending more of your humans money. In fact, that is our job.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Taco Bell Spokesdog)

Improving Television Programming

I have been planning some new television programs that I think would be big hits. The first show is Lifestyles of the Rich and Furry which is a show about how rich, dog celebrites choose to live. King of the Kennel is the story of a regular working dog (a German Shepherd) who delivers bones to other dogs' homes. Married With Puppies is about a Bassett Hound who sells dog booties and his disfunctional family. Mushtrek is about a team of Siberian huskies who mush to outer space. Barkville is the story of Superdog when he was a puppy. The Incredible Great Dane is the story of a chihuahua who was exposed to gamma radiation and turns into a Great Dane whenever he gets angry. Believe me, that is quite a switch. Saint Bernard and Son--the story of a St. Bernard and his puppy who collect garbage and sell it to other dogs. Pomeranians of Hazzard who ride around in their 1969 Dodge Charger driving the pig who runs the town nuts. Mad Dogs is about dogs who are in advertising.

As you can see, I have been busy thinking up good dog shows for the networks. If any network executives are reading this (this would exclude the ones from NBC because I suspect they can't read), get in touch with me. I've always got lots of ideas.

By the way, conpawtulations to the couple in Iowa. They were about to lose their home to foreclosure, but they get to keep it after one payment thanks to one of the couple not signing the loan documents. Evidently, some of the humans are mad about their good fortune, but if you ask me; any mortgage company should know to get both signatures before handing out money. They are in the business and should know the laws. I guess I just have trouble feeling sorry for large mortgage companies whose CEOs probably get paid more in a month than that house sold for.

Demon Flash Bandit (Improving Television Programming)

My Comments on Various Topics

In Crystal Lake, Illinois, a 4 pound chihuahua was almost taken by an owl when out for a walk with the dog's human. How many times do I have to warn the humans of bird treachery before they listen? Now there is talk of making the Angry Birds game into a television show. The world does not need a television show about birds unless it is bird recipes.

Speaking of television shows, I'm not a fan of reality shows, and neither are my humans, but I am really wondering why they have one called the Real Housewives of OC. I'm sure these women can't help having obsessive compulsive disorder, but I hardly think it is worthy of filming a television show about them. Do the humans really enjoy watching other humans clean excessively. I bet their dogs are miserable. Dogs enjoy dirt, and most obsessive compulsive humans do not--unless you get one that is compulsively messy. In that case, the dog is in doggy heaven.

Am I the only dog who thinks that Cesar Milan should be called the Dog Shouter instead of the Dog Whisperer? I know if he came to my house to try to train me, he had better start yelling because if he is only whispering, this dog isn't listening. If a dog can't hear the "instructions", he can't be expected to follow them. I would have him on a technicality.

It is nap time and nap time is always super important to me. Come back tomorrow for more of my words of wisdom.

Demon Flash Bandit (Commenting on Topics)

This Dog Does Not Want to Mess With Husky Union Local 36

I hope all my readers are having a good day. This is a good day for me because I have discovered the next singing sensation, Peter and the Opossums. As soon as I heard them sing, I became their manager, and I know that they are going to be every bit as good as my favorite group, Alvin and the Chipmunks. They aren't quite as cute as the chipmunks, but after hearing them sing, I know that people will overlook that handicap, and love them anyway. Peter, like Alvin, is going to have a little Pee on his shirt. No, it is not what you are thinking. Okay, maybe it is what you are thinking. The Opossums aren't quite housebroken yet, but we are working on that issue now. I know some of you may be asking, Demon, how do you keep up with so much.....you write several blogs, are a member of the singing group the Howling Huskies, own your own Internet toy store (http://www.demondigstoys.weebly.com/), and have several books that you are planning to publish? How can you take on more? The answer is simple. I'm a working breed dog so it is in my blood, and all the aforementioned things are easier than pulling the humans around on a sled. If you ask me, the humans should be pulling us dogs around. However, since it is part of our doggy union contract to work since I'm a "working breed", I would be messing with Husky Union Local 36 if I didn't have some things going on, and you don't want to mess with Husky Union Local 36. I've heard they hire chihuahuas to come and bark at you, and if you have ever met a chihuahua, you know that their barking is annoying. The little guys never shut up either so, as I said, I don't want to mess with Husky Union Local 36.

Mommy was watching the King of Queens yesterday, and although I would guess that Doug is probably a fan of hamburgers, he does not look at all like the Burger King. I hope that he isn't trying for the job because I was upset enough to learn that His Highness, Mr. Burger King might sell his restaurants, I really don't think Doug has the proper image for being His Highness, Mr. Burger King. I like his show, and have nothing against him, but he just doesn't impress me as being into royal food. My image was not changed after watching the show. I think he would even eat McDonalds burgers---yes the dreaded and horrible McD burger. I don't really mind if he chooses to eat them, but it is not the kind of behavior one would expect from the highly exalted royal position as owner of Burger King.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dishing Out My Opinions)