Sunday, March 31, 2013

Zombie Mortgages

I have written many blogs in the past about zombies, but this is the first one I'm writing about a new danger from the zombie community, and that danger is "zombie mortgages".  I'm not sure just which banks decided to put zombies in charge, but, evidently, they are in charge at some banks.  According to a national survey, there are 301,874 zombie properties in foreclosure  throughout the United States.  For those who want to read more about this problem, here is the link:
I didn't read the article because I have more inportant things to do than research the stuff I write about.  I've got napping and scratching to do, and that dingo bone is not going to eat itself.  I'd like to know who allowed zombies to be in control of banks and mortgage companies, and why is there no zombie regulatory system to keep zombies from getting involved in these kinds of "shady" deals.  For those who haven't watched many movies or television shows about zombies, they don't tend to take care of themselves so you know they aren't going to maintain the properties as they should be maintained.  I suspect they don't even takes baths or showers which makes them fine with us dogs, but you know it upsets the humans when the other humans don't bathe.  Humans do not have the appreciation for interesting odors that us dogs have.  Besides, if a zombie moves into a house, how are they going to settle in and still find the brains they need to eat in order to survive.  The average grocery store does not sell human brains for the zombies to buy and eat. 

This dog thinks that the government should step in and stop this zombie mortgage stuff before the zombies start owning hotels, hospitals, and shopping centers.

Demon Flash Bandit (Worried About "Zombie Mortgages")

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Eggshelland: A Nice Place to Visit on Easter

This will be the final year for Eggshelland in Lyndhurst, Ohio which is near Cleveland.  This "labor of love" has been around for the past 55 years.  Ron Manolio started this Easter tradition, but he died earlier this year at the age of 80.  It is a shame that some of the humans don't decide to carry on now that he has died. but; evidently, it is a lot of work for the humans.  I suppose they don't have a dog to help them.  I wouldn't want to help eat eggs because I don't like eggs.  However, Angel Zoom Smokey would be glad to eat eggs if it helped keep it going.  Angel happens to love eggs.  If you live near the Cleveland, Ohio area, and you want to see Eggshelland, I would suggest you do so this year before it is too late!!!  It sounds like a cool place to visit for Easter!

Demon Flash Bandit (Eggshelland:  Good Place to Visit On Easter)

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Reality Show: Duck Dynasty With Donald, Huey, Louie, and Dewey

I have decided to write about one of the reality shows on television called "Duck Dynasty".  I've been watching this show for many years because, evidently, it was the first "reality" show to be featured on nationwide television.  It is the story about  a family of ducks who live in the city of Duckburg, and the state of Calisota.  This happens to be a very wealthy family thanks to Scrooge McDuck.  Scrooge has spent many years accumulting his vast fortune, but later on in life, he teams with his young great nephews in Duck Tales which is the tales of all their many adventures.  Those nephews are Huey, Dewey, and Louie.  Donald Duck, who is Scrooge's nephew and the uncle of the boys whose actual names are Huebert, Deuteronomy, and Louis, is the one who usually takes care of the boys.  Luckily, their grandmother, Elvira Coot "Grandma Duck" is the one responsible for making the boys well behaved young ducks.  Personally, this dog is not a big fan of reality shows, but this one is worth watching.  You might even gain some valuable information on how to spend your own money after watching Scrooge McDuck for awhile.  He and his money are an inspiration to this dog!  The next time you sit down to watch "Duck Dynasty", remember, your pal, Demon Flash Bandit will be watching it too!

Demon Flash Bandit (Talking About Duck Dynasty)

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Benjamin Franklin: High Fashion Model!!!

I am sorry for my absence on the blog, but my Mommy, who is my "secretary", and yes, I use the definition of that word loosely in her case, has been unable to get on the computer.  She has been having physical therapy, and she says her knee, that has not moved much in a decade, is not happy with having to move.  Mommy is able to get on the computer  so I am able to write my diary entry today.  For those who might ask me why I don't hire someone more reliable, I can only say that, in the words of Benjamin Franklin, "a penny saved is a penny that can go to buying more dingo bones".  Yes, that is what he said--look it up if you don't believe me.   Of course, this is the guy who went outside during a lightning storm with a kite and key because he was trying to unlock a cloud.  I have no idea why he was trying to unlock a cloud , but I suspect that he thought there was something valuable in the clouds.  Maybe he was trying to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  The electricity that hit the key on the kite did launch a whole new fashion since it turned his hair white, and white hair became all the rage thoughout the colonies, and throughout the "old world" too.  This is why we know Benjamin Franklin today as a man who was ahead of his time in the field of fashion.  He is honored every year at the Paris fashion show!!!

Demon Flsah Bandit (Discussing Fashion)

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

A Career in Dog Modelling

I have received many questions from dogs who write and ask me, how can I get a job in the high paying field of dog modelling?  Officially, I am not a dog model, but I can see why the dogs reading my blog would think I am since I am so handsome.  I do not want to disappoint my readers so I have done some research, and I have answers for the dogs who are interested.  It does help to be handsome (which is why so many assume I'm a model).  Having blue eyes doesn't hurt, but can be faked by wearing blue contact lenses.  For the truly creative dogs, perhaps you might want to go with orange, yellow, or purple eyes.  It is important to listen to the instructions given by the photographer  which means sit if they want you to sit or stand if they want you to stand or bite the photographer's butt if he (or she) is stupid!  For many dogs, the ultimate in the field of modelling is the runway show, but I refuse to take part in one.  I do not wear clothing nor do I wear shoes, and the goal of the humans who have runway shows is to make a dog wear stupid looking clothing that makes him or her look miserable.  This dog will not do that so I would suggest that, if you do want to model, you make it clear to the humans from the beginning so that you can refuse to model if the humans expect you to do anything stupid.  However,  remember, just being human makes them likely to do that!  Don't forget--the dog is always the BOSS!!!

Demnon Flash Bandit (Dog Model--When in the Mood)

Monday, March 18, 2013

Movie Review: Oz the Great and Powerful

Oscar Diggs, known as "Oz" was a carnival magician who travelled from town to town, and never got much in the way of fortune or fame.  One day he was transported to the magical land of Oz, where he met 3 witches.  Those witches are Theodora (Mila Kunis), Evanora (Rachel Weisz), and Glinda (Michelle Williams).  The land of Oz is in turmoil, and is waiting for the wizard who was supposed to come to the land to save it and rule the Emerald City.  Oz (Oscar) is just an illusionist, but he seems to be the only one who might be able to solve the kingdom's problems.  This movie, which is a prequel to The Wizard of Oz made so many decades ago has some big shoes to fill, and this dog thinks it did a great job of filling those shoes.  Considering that the original movie had Toto star in it, and Toto was a dog.  Therefore,  it was operating with a handicap not having the dog, yet the movie was still good.  I give it 4 paws up, some tummy rubs, some drool, and a bone!  This would be a 9 1/2 out of 10 on the human movie scale.  I think this is a good movie, and I recommend it highly!

Demon Flash Bandit (Great Movie)

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Dog Cards Better than Sports Cards

I will never understand the humans.  Some of them collect cards with baseball players on them.  Don't get me wrong-I don't mind them collecting cards of baseball players or even football players, but why not dog cards?  I happen to think that I'm a lot cuter than the average baseball player, and so are other dogs I know.  Therefore, wouldn't it make more sense to collect dog cards?  My card could have my photo, my age and size, and my likes and dislikes, and talents.  How many human baseball players can eat a rawhide chip in under 10 minutes?  That happens to take real talent.  In fact, I'm  very good at catching balls that are thrown to me.  I am much better at it than the average baseball player.  Therefore, if you ask my opinion, if the humans want to spend money on cards, they should be dog cards.  It is a shame that the humans aren't smart enough to understand that concept!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Card Subject)

Monday, March 11, 2013

Demon Flash Bandit: Dog With "Scents"

I'm sure that I'm not the only dog who has wondered, if there is a zombie apocalypse, are there any product on the market that might help a dog (or human) survive?  Today I found just such a product on the Internet which will be available on April 1, and at a cost of $40.00 for a 4 ounce bottle.  Here is the link for this product:
However, before you start spending your money on this product, my human brother Jeff does not think this product will work.  He says that (and this has been shown on the television show, the Walking Dead), that you need to smell like a dead person in order to survive--not just mildew and rotting leaves.  I'm not saying this product won't work, but we dogs can help you achieve the smell you need without spending so much of your cash.  Just find something dead in the yard, and roll around in it.  We dogs have been doing this for years, and not one dog has ever been the victim of a zombie attack.  Coincidence?  I think not!   We dogs are smart enough to understand smells, and we use them when we need to use them.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With "Scents")

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Kate's Busy in the Kitchen!

Today I am going to discuss one of my friends who I have mentioned in past blog entries, and that person is the Queen Lady (Elizabeth II).  I should have written this earlier, but a dog has other issues to cover in blogs so sometimes it takes awhile to get to everything that I need to write about.  According to the Internet, Kate, the Queen Lady's grand-daughter-in-law has a bun in the oven.  I appreciate that the royal family, despite their wealth and power, are willing to get into the kitchen and bake.  However,  I do wonder why the news reports would bother to report it.  There are plenty of humans who bake all the time, and some of them even bake special biscuits for their dogs so I would think that there would be more important news to cover than baking.  Is Kate planning to replace Martha Stewart so that she can show us how to bake special picture frames for our special photos?  Perhaps she is planning on introducing macaroni picture frames in addition to the baked ones.  Anyway, although I applaud Kate's efforts in the kitchen, I think they should wait until she has more important news in which to report--like what color her dress will be or whether she is styling her hair any differently.  When you spend too much time reporting on "baking" news, you might miss "breaking" news-like a broken fingernail which could create an international incident.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Baking)

Friday, March 8, 2013

Movie Review: Jack the Giant Slayer

Jack and the Giant Slayer is a movie that is loosely based on the Jack and the Beanstalk fairy tale. 
Jack is a young farmer who is sent into town to sell a horse, and comes home with magic beans.  One of the beans gets wet and grows into a giant plant that leads them to the land of the giants.  The giants were imprisoned in their world centuries before, and they are very happy to get the chance to invade the world of men.  The giants are ugly and dumb.  Jack was played by Nicholas Hoult and Princess Isabelle was played by Eleanor Tomlinson.  Jack fell in love with the princess, but since he is a commoner. there is no way that they could ever get together--or can they?  This movie has taken the fairy tale and made it very entertaining.  I would give this movie 4 paws up, a tail wag, some kisses, and I also did some drooling during the film.  This movie would get an 8.5 out of 10 on the human movie scale. 

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Sheriff Demon Flash Bandit of Huskyville

Many years ago, in the old west, there was a sheriff of a small town called Huskyville whose name was Sheriff Demon Flash Bandit.  He was the fastest gun in the west, and he kept the town safe, and the inhabitants happy.....until birds flew over the town.  The dogs in Huskyville did not like birds because they knew that all birds were evil.  Sheriff Demon Flash Bandit and his deputies had to come up with a plan to get rid of the birds.  They came up with the plan of getting rid of all the worms and bugs so that the birds would not have anything to eat.  This was a brilliant plan since none of the dogs were overly fond of worms or bugs either.  They showed up at each worm and bug home with an eviction notice, and the worms and birds had to leave because, although annoying, worms and birds are usually law abiding creatures.  This made the birds move on, and the town continued to prosper and be happy because no one in the town has to deal with any stupid birds--or their bird bombs that they like to drop from above.

Demon Flash Bandit (Relating a Story With a Happy Ending)

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Iditarod Sled Race

The 2013 Iditarod sled race in Alaska has started.  This is the big sled race celebrating the time years ago when the sled dogs got a diptheria serum up to the children in Nome, Alaska and became heroes.  I'm sure the dogs and the mushers involved in it are very excited.  However, this sled dog is happy to watch it on television.  If I were expected to run, a burger restaurant had better be the destination because I love hamburgers, and I can't see any point of running somewhere just to run.  I think that kind of attitude would seriously cut into my nap time so I leave that for the huskies who like to run for no reason.  I have probably spent too much of my life with the humans....if they don't "have" to do something, it probably won't get done.  Yeah, they may be stupid most of the time, but they are smart about that.
Demon Flash Bandit (Comments on Iditarod Sled Race)

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Dogs "Unearthing" America

I like the television show, America Unearthed, which features a forensic geologist named Scott Walker, who travels around the country to see if there are parts of our history that are wrong.  In the episode, Giants in Minnesota which premiered on January 11, 2013, a Minnesota farmer hosts Walker on his farm because a grave was found on his land which the farmer says was of a"giant".  A "giant" found in Minnesota could prove that Vikings might have been here before Columbus, and they could have ventured much farther into the country than previously believed.   An "official" archaeologist was called in to examine the bones, and he claims that the man wasn't even 6 feet tall.  When Walker questioned him, he came up with a story about how the bone sockets of the joints fit in together so the man looked taller in the grave because they weren't together.  This dog thought he was lying just from the way he acted, but that "explanation" cinched it for me.  The bones aren't going to grow after the man dies, and the humans who buried him did not separate the bones and put them far apart from each other.  If they had, you would notice the spaces when they are dug up.  There is something rotten going on in Minnesota, and this dog can smell it all the way from Michigan.  I need to go to Minnesota to investigate this one myself.  No one can "dig" up evidence like a dog!!!  There is definitely some kind of conspiracy going on whether it is as simple as the academic community  not wanting to have to learn a lot of new stuff, or a scenerio involving space aliens, Area 51, Big Foot and zombies.  Is the academic community being controlled by robots from outer space?  If given a chance, this dog will get to the bottom of this, and I could use my own television show in which to do so.  If the networks can give a program to that Honey Boo Boo kid when I have more talent in one paw than that kid has in her whole body, there is something wrong with television programming.  Here is the link for the America Unearthed television show.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves to "Unearth" Stuff)

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Gingerbread Man Brought to Justice

Breaking News:
The gingerbread man, an alleged drug dealer named Mark Gross, Jr., has been apprehended by police.   His accomplices in crime, Muffin Man, and  the Lollipop Kids have not, as of this writing, been appreprehended.  An all points bulletin has been distribulted to all local bakeries and supermarkets with their description.   Personally, I can't help but wonder-if Hostess bakery had not shut down, the police could send Twinkie the Kid to deal with this problem.  However, at the present time, there is no Twinkie the Kid to lead the search.  Sir Can-A-Lot ( ) has been called in to help, but since he represents Spam, I don't know how helpful he will be.  If you ask my opinion, it takes a dessert to find a dessert, and meat is only good at finding other meat.  However, the humans have not asked for my opinion on the  matter.  They think they can solve it on their own without a dog's help.  Yes, the humans are overly optimistic but very entertaining!  I don't think they stand a chance of catching the criminals by themselves.

Demon Flash Bandit (Chasing the Muffin Man and the Lollipop Guild)