Thursday, October 31, 2013

Watch out for Zombie Birds!

It is Halloween, so it is time to share one of my greatest fears with my readers. That fear is the possibility of bird zombies. I would be worried about ghost birds, but I don't think they exist. However, zombie birds are a definite possibility. The biggest problem with zombie birds is that you wouldn't be able to tell them from a normal, alive bird because birds have no brains and they just kind of fly around dropping bird bombs at will. The only advantage would be that they wouldn't have enough sense to know that they are supposed to eat brains so they would probably be flying around acting stupid--trying to eat gravels and such. Don't they do that already when they are live birds? Since it is Halloween, and I have sent many of the little feathered varmints to meet their maker, I will be extra vigilante in watching for those zombie birds. I suggest you be extra careful too. Remember, if a zombie bird comes to your door saying "trick or treat", Don't answer it! Demon Flash Bandit (Happy Halloween)

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Ants on Strike!

I recently wrote a dairy entry in which I related how I had decided to start farming. I bought myself one of those Uncle Milty's ant farms. Evidently, Uncle Milty did not have trouble with any of his ants. I couldn't believe what I was seeing on my farm. The ants were on strike for better wages and working conditions. They were carrying their little signs with them wherever they went. I've got to go now, and recruit some help. This looks like it is gong to be a LONG DAY!!!! I really hate negotiating with ants!!! Demon Flash Bandit (Formerly Farmer Demon Flash Bandit)

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Movie Review: The Conjuring

The movie I am reviewing today is The Conjuring. This is based on a true story of a case that was investigated by Ed and Lorraine Warren who were paranormal researchers or demonologists or, (from the skeptics), crazy humans. Of course, you can't "prove" whether these events happened or not, but they are supposed to be real events. The Perron family moved into a farm house in Rhode Island, which unbeknownst to them had a lot of tragedies occur in the house. The house was haunted by many of the people who died under tragic circumstances in the house. The haunting affected the Perron family to the point where they called in Ed and Lorraine Warren to investigate. The Warrens proclaimed the house to be haunted, and then helped the family get rid of the "haunting". The family couldn't just move to another house because the entity would have moved with them. This was a good movie except for the beginning part where the family moved in and their dog refused to come into the house. I think this is yet another case of a dog having sense having to deal with stupid humans! The dog was murdered and it was by the entity in the house. I think when a ghost starts messing with the family dog, then the ghost has stepped over the line and should be kicked out of the house. I give this movie 4 paws up and that would be 8 out of 10 on the human movie scale. I also want to add a bit of practical advice. If you are planning to buy a new house, take your dog with you to look at the house. The dog will be living there too, and if the dog refuses to walk inside, you know not to buy that house. Humans could save themselves so much grief if they just did what their dogs told them to do. By the way, judging from the financial success of this movie, I'm going to venture a guess that there will be more movies based on the Warrens paranormal research. Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Friday, October 25, 2013

Innovative Dog: Demon Flash Bandit

How many times have you heard a dog say, I am in the mood to eat a delicious, juicy steak. I'm sure it has happened many times to many dogs. The dog goes to the supermarket and picks out a nice steak--maybe a porterhouse, and then he brings the steak home and he realizes, much to his dismay, that his mouth is watering for a nice grilled steak, but there is no grill. Maybe he has a grill, but the propane has run out, and filling it would take too much of his bone treat money! What is a dog to do in that situation? This is where the Internet comes to the rescue because, no matter what a dog needs to learn, chances are someone on the Internet has made a video and posted it on how to do it. In my search for how to grill a steak without a grill, I found a very interesting series of programming that I want to share with my readers. That series is "cooking with hoarders". Here is the link for the one in which he shows you how to cook a steak without a grill inside in your own kitchen which means that you can cook a steak anytime of the year which, I don't think I need to tell you, is a handy thing to know. Here is the link: I will warn you ahead of time that if you are a dog who gets sick easily or who has a weak stomach, you might want to skip watching this video. I have to admit that most dogs, including myself, don't really like watching this human cook because it is really disgusting. Just the scene in the beginning where defrosting the steak involves the toilet is enough to make most humans and dogs stop watching, and it does take a lot to make most of us dogs gag. If only there existed an easier way to grill a steak inside that is less disgusting. Wait a minute, isn't that why most humans own a George Foreman grill? Yes, dogs, spend the extra money and get a George Foreman grill. Demon Flash Bandit (Innovative Dog)

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Farmer Demon Flash Bandit

The young humans are always trying to decide what career path they should take when they "grow up". Personally, us dogs usually try to avoid thinking about a career because we are perfectly happy eating, sleeping, and playing. However, since the humans might eventually get tired of working while we dogs enjoy life, they might make us get out and get jobs. This is why I "bought" myself the perfect "job". I just bought myself an ant farm. Sure, I had to come up with the $19.99 to buy the farm, but it seemed like a fair price to buy myself a farm that would provide me with a career and also extra money for dingo bones. Here is the link for those who would like to buy themselves a farm too: The best thing about the ant farm is that you, as the owner don't really have to do the work. The ants do all the work for you. Uncle Milty should market these items directly to dogs since we dogs appreciate getting the work done without having to do it ourselves. I'm looking for the other Uncle Milty product--Uncle Milty's Ant Market. I think if the ants are going to work on the farm, they might as well be the ones taking the products to market. If you decide to order one, be sure you don't do it in a hurry. One of my fellow dog pals ordered one when he was in a hurry, and the "aunt" farm he got in the mail was just a bunch of little old ladies. Demon Flash Bandit (Farmer Demon Flash Bandit)

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Sometimes A Dog NEEDS A Gun

For those of you who haven't read all of my past entries, Mommy cleaned out Daddy's closet, and she left the floor absolutely clear of stuff. This is when I claimed it for myself. Mommy bought a doggy bed for the closet so that, when I want to go in there, I will have a soft, comfortable place to lay. Of course, since it had been about a week, the humans had to clean it out again. They are still amazed at the things I have carried to my "den". I had my Platoon action figure (in its original packaging--I'm not a hoarder, I'm a "collector"). I could live with them getting some of the toys out of there, but they found my more important stash. I had put a nice pair of "camo" binoculars in the closet. I don't know why the humans don't see why I need them. Someone around here has to keep an eye on those evil birds, and I know the humans are never going to do it. They don't even understand the threat that birds are to all of the rest of us. I also like to watch the dogs come and go from the veterinarian's office across the street. I used to go to that vet, but one day one of the humans there said she didn't like huskies, and Mommy thought it was time to switch vets. I've been watching the office ever since. Did they put the binoculars back even though I clearly need them? No, they did not put them back. They were even more amazed by the next item they found. They found my gun that I had put in the closet. It is Daddy's old bb gun )pistol size). What am I supposed to shoot those evil bird varmints with if I don't have a gun? I was a bit upset since Mommy and my brothers said it didn't work anyway. What kind of human doesn't give a dog a working gun? If you go to shoot a bird, and the gun doesn't work, I can guarantee that the little annoying bird will drop a bomb on you. My humans are still trying to figure out how I got the gun and how I managed to get it and binoculars into my new spot. Daddy helped me. Sometimes it is handy to have a human you love on the other side....they can do things without being seen, and that is good for a dog. No, they haven't returned the gun either! Demon Flash Bandit (Sure Shootin Demon Flash Bandit)

Monday, October 21, 2013

Movie Review: Alpha and Omega 2: A Howl-aday Adventure

Today's movie review will be about the movie, Alpha and Omega 2: A Howl-aday Adventure. This movie is the long anticipated sequel to the movie, Alpha and Omega (thus, the number 2 after the title). The exciting thing about this movie is that it is direct to dvd. Therefore, since most dogs aren't allowed in theaters (except for the occasional dog movie critic like myself), a dog does not have to wait to see this highly anticipated movie. In my opinion, this movie would have knocked Gravity out of the top spot for ticket sales this week. (I have already done a review of Gravity. Believe me, I can't understand why so many of the humans are flocking to see this movie. Perhaps it is because it is a great movie to nap through, and they suffer from insomnia.) The HOwl-aday movie is a Christmas movie. I'm sure the dogs reading this can tell from the title, but the occasional human reads my blog, and I have to explain it to them since they have those tiny, human size brains! In this movie, Alpha and Omega are back and this time they have 3 ADORABLE puppies. In my opinion, if you want to get people to see a movie add dogs, but if you add puppies, that is even better!!! The 3 puppies names are Stinky, Claudette, and Runt. Am I the only one who wonders how Stinky got the name? Being a dog, I enjoy all smells, and we dogs don't tend to distinguish good from bad when it comes to smells. Runt gets lost and the family has to find him. Meanwhile he is taken hostage by some mean wolves who are the enemies of Alpha and Omega's pack. You'll have to watch the movie to find out what happens, but it is well worth watching. It made me laugh. It made me cry. It made me hungry. It made me want to lick my paw. It is just one of those movies that accomplishes everything a movie can possibly accomplish. I give this movie 4 paws up. Actually, I give it about 1,000 paws up because I turned all Mommy's stuffed animals on their back so that they would give paws up too--and Mommy has a lot of stuffies. I give it some sloppy dog kisses, and a couple of winks from my blue eyes. I am also giving it my howl of approval which is something that I seldom give a movie. Do yourself a favor and buy this video. Don't just rent it or stream it. Some movies should be kept in a collection so that they can be enjoyed anytime. I also have a wonderful announcement to make involving this franchise. There are 2 more movie sequels in the works. I can't wait to see them!!!! Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Dogs: Better Role Models Than Dinosaurs

I have put on my white "scientist" lab coat because today I am going to write about the Barney generation. Demographers have not yet coined the term, but I'm sure once I use it in my blog, it will become a common household term. The Barney generation is the generation that is coming of age during this time period. They were about the proper age to have watched Barney the Dinosaur on television when they were young so now we can see what influence the big purple dinosaur had on those children. I'm sure many of you are saying, Demon, how could a big purple dinosaur filled with love have anything but a good influence on children. On the surface, that may seem true, but is it really? Let's take a good look at Barney. He is a tyrannosaurus rex which means he is a big ferocious, meat eating dinosaur. This means that if you had run into one in his time period, you would probably be his dinner. This hardly sounds like the behavior of a dinosaur that is filled with love. Perhaps he should have been Barney the large Purple Brontosaurus. They are also large, but they are vegetarians so they don't tend to think of humans as dinner subjects. The Barney generation has been brought up with the concept that life is supposed to be fun, and big purple dinosaurs are friendly. This probably explains why so many of them are applying for work at zoos where they want to work in the dinosaur section. I wonder how they are going to take it when they find out that dinosaurs are extinct? This could bring on a serious bout of Barney depression. Barney depression can only be cured by the Ninja Turtles because no one can be unhappy when talking with a turtle who has serious ninja skilled. I've got to go now. Donatello needs me! Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Better than Dinosaurs)

Friday, October 18, 2013

Bacon: More than Just a Costume!

Halloween is approaching, and the humans always want to dress Angel Zoom Smokey and myself in costume. As you may remember from past entries, I am not the kind of dog who wants to be dressed in a Halloween costume. However, today I thought of the perfect costume for a dog like myself who doesn't love to dress and cooperate. That costume is...drum roll please.... BACON!!! Bacon is the perfect costume because a dog can wear it, and then eat it when he or she gets hungry. It would make a dog smell good too, and licking one's fur would take on a whole new meaning. I think it should be called Halloween Bacon Day

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Movie Review: Gravity

In answer to many of the questions I have received from dogs out there in blogdogdom, gravity is the invisible force that keeps humans and dogs from floating off into space. It is useful for us to have since, without it, life would be kind of strange. However, it does have some pitfalls in that because of it, the humans do occasionally fall and get hurt. Of course, if the humans had the common sense to walk on all 4 paws instead of running around on just their back paws, they would fall a lot less and not get hurt nearly as often. I suppose it is too much to assume that the humans would have a measure of dog sense. Who coined the phrase, horse sense, anyway? I like horses, but they aren't nearly as smart as the average dog. Hollywood recently released a movie titled Gravity. I warned the humans that the trailer didn't look good, and that any film with the title, Gravity, is probably going to be one boring movie. How much can you write about gravity before you decide you never want to hear the word again? I wasn't anxious to see this movie, but I know how much my readers depend on me to review movies and make my recommendations. My recommendation is NOT to go and see this movie. It stars Sandra Bullock as Dr. Ryan Stone and George Clooney as Mat Kowalski. The movie starts with the astronauts outside the shuttle having a leisurely stroll in space and trying to fix some stuff. Then they got hit by space debris largely because the space garbage truck delivered the garbage to the wrong place. The shuttle was damaged, and both astronauts were hanging around out in space hoping to catch a bus home. However, as most of us would guess: there is no bus service from space. I once went to a 3D movie of life on the space station at the Kennedy Space Center, and I thought that was the most boring movie every to be produced in 3D. Rest assured, Gravity has beat out that movie as the most boring movie ever. If they give an Oscar for the most boring movie of the year, that movie should get the award! The only redeeming part of the movie was when Dr. Stone was listening to someone on the radio and there were dogs barking, and Dr. Stone started barking like a dog. I'm sure she did that to make sure I would notice and this dog would give her movie a good review. However, a couple if minutes of barking was not enough to make this movie enjoyable. I give this movie 4 paws down, and I want the time I spent watching it back. Time is just too precious to waste on a movie as bad as Gravity. On the human movie scale, I would give it a 1 1/2 out of 10. I hope my readers appreciate the sacrifices I make for them--that was one BORING movie!!!! Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Demon Flash Crockett

In the early part of American history, there have been a number of individuals whose accomplishments have made them the stuff of legend. One of those characters was Demon Flash Crockett. Demon was born to a pioneer family who lived in a log dog house. From an early age, Demon was expected to get out and "earn his keep". He was born a long time ago--probably in the early 1900's, and life was hard for a lot of the dogs back then. Demon didn't have a cell phone to chat with his doggy pals, and the humans had not even invented Burger King back then. In fact, they hadn't invented hamburgers. You couldn't even buy dog food like they have in stores today because dog food and stores had not been invented either. Dogs had to make their own food at home or forage for tasty treats in the forest. One of the more famous songs in recent years-which is still on the list of top 40 songs is the "Demon Crockett Song, and I am going to share it with you now: Demon Flash Crockett Song Demon, Demon Flash Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier He has beautiful blue eyes and soft, soft fur He killed him a bird when he was only 3 Demon, Demon Crockett, Dog King of the Wild Frontier Demon: The best dog in the world. Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Tales of Legendary Dog)

Monday, October 14, 2013

Humans Fratnerizing With The Enemy

Yesterday when my humans stopped at Kroger for a couple of minutes, there was a man on the parking lot hosting a human/bird public relations seminar. The bird, was the man's PET (like birds can be pets) and he was holing the bird so that humans could approach and make friends with the bird! My brother, William had to go and pet the cockatoo, and he returned to me saying that the bird was soft and he would like to have one as a pet. Yeah, it takes so little to fool the stupid humans! I've been speaking out against birds all my life only to have my own human brother start getting "friendly" with the enemy. I cannot stress this enough: birds are evil. We dogs aren't naïve enough to think that the bird who drops that "bird bomb" on your head did it accidentally. You know the bird was planning it for days. I speak fluent bird, and all they do is sing about taking over the world. They think if they "sing" about it, the humans won't realize that they are planning world domination. Of course, they are probably right since humans are quite gullible. Demon Flash Bandit (Deciphering Bird Lingo)

Friday, October 11, 2013

Hoarder or Collector?

Mommy cleaned out one of the closets in my bedroom. I say it is my bedroom because I am kind enough to allow Mommy to sleep in there too. That is why I'm such a good dog! Anyway, Mommy left absolutely nothing on the floor of the closet. I have laid claim to the closet now, and I am slowly amassing an entire collection of stuff in that closet. I have many things a dog needs to be secure--a Barbie doll (still in its original packaging), a General Zod figure from the Superman movie (also still in its original packaging), and one of Mommy's new shoes (in case I decide to dress as a clown). I caught Angel Zoom Smokey entering my closet last night so I am going to need to hook up a surveillance system and a burglar alarm to protect my stuff. I have already thought of a complicated, hard to break password for the system--1,2,3,4-sounds like a hard one to break. Look at my watch for a minute. you are getting sleepy, and you don't want to remember that number! Demon Flash Bandit (Hoarder or Collector?)

McDonalds CEO Likely Overpaid

Finally, a McDonalds worker has stood up and told the CEO that the place doesn't pay enough. What this dog wants to know is why so many people think that it is okay for these places to pay their employees so little? The amount of wages a human gets depends on the cost of living at the time. During the 1800's, $8.00 an hour would have been big money. It is not today. I am going to venture a guess that if I saw the pay that the McDonalds CEO makes, I would think that he is overpaid, yet so many of the humans think that is okay. Yes, some fast food workers do make a lot of mistakes, and aren't that good at their job. Being bad at their job is a trait that I'm sure is shared by a lot of CEOs judging from how many big companies have had money problems in recent years. One advantage to paying more is that they could get better educated workers who do a better job and make fewer mistakes. As a dog who loves fast food burgers, it would also make me feel better that the human who is making my food knows what they are doing. It seems to me that the food you eat makes you vulnerable to a lot of possible things including food poisoning. This is why I wonder why the silly humans want to hire people and pay them nothing and then let them handle their food. If you ask me, I think the humans who are eating at the fast food places are the ones who should be wanting the employees to get more money! When I eat a hamburger from McDonalds, I don't want to get sick afterward! Here is the link to the topic: Demon Flash Bandit (Practical Dog)

Thursday, October 10, 2013

NYC Cockroaches Loyal to Neighborhoods!

Most of my readers are probably familiar with the famous Statue of Liberty which greets visitors to New York City. How many of you know that there is another famous statue that celebrates some different types of immigrants to New York City? That statue is one of a cockroach who is holding a lantern greeting all the cockroaches who enter the United States. Most Americans are familiar with the words on the "human" statue, "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to be free. The wretched refuse of your teeming shore Send these, the homeless tempest-tossed to me. I lift my lamp beside the golden door. However, on the roach statue, the words are a little different. Give me a messy place to live and some disgusting food garbage, and keep the lights off. It may not sound that good to you or me, but believe me, I've seen roaches cry when they read it. I'm sure many of you are wondering what happens to the immigrant cockroaches in New York City once they get settled in. For the most part, they settle into a neighborhood and stay there. Here is a link explaining it because some scientists have nothing better to do than to take cockroach census records. I know some of the local cockroaches aren't happy to see the new ones arrive. You will always hear them complaining about the cockroaches coming here to steal their jobs. I guess I can see their point about that since there aren't a lot of job openings advertised for cockroaches. I suppose I would get a bit resentful too if I thought foreign dogs were coming here to steal my job. I think I'm safe since I don't think there are many dogs who can type or write blogs the way I do. Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing NYC Cockroaches)

Movie Review: Joe's Apartment

This movie, which was made in 1996, stars Jerry O'Connell as Joe.  Joe moves to New York City to an apartment which happens to be packed to the brim with, yes, you guessed it, cockroaches.  Joe happens to be one of the world's messiest humans so the cockroaches love him.  However, as the movie continues, he meets a girl.  If you guessed she isn't a big fan of cockroaches, then you get the prize (only kidding-there is no prize).  This causes some problems between Joe and the cockroaches.  I give this movie 4 paws up a bunch of tail wags, and some kisses.  That would be a 10 out of 10 on the human movie scale.  If you haven't seen this movie, remember, it comes highly recommended by Demon Flash Bandit, movie reviewer.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Revoew_

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

No Halloween Costume for This Dog!!!!

The leaves are changing color, and the air is getting a big cooler so that means that autumn is arriving.  It also means that the dog dreaded (at least for myself and Angel Zoom Smokey) Halloween holiday will be approaching.  Halloween has the potential to be a great holiday what with the free candy being showered around the neighborhoods.  However, even free candy cannot alter the fact that the humans always see some cute dog Halloween costumes, and they get overly optimistic that their dog, who ordinarily won't even wear a hat, will stand still long enough for the humans to put an elaborate costume on the dog.  Every year, Mommy goes shopping and I hear her telling my brother Jeff that the store had such an adorable Halloween costume that would just make Demon look so cute.  I look cute no matter what.  I do not need a costume to be cute.  The costumes are also getting sillier and more humiliating each year.  Do you really think a dog wants to dress up as a squirrel, frog, a skunk, or a banana.  My Mommy has past Halloween costumes she bought for me which I refused to wear.  One year she tried to dress me as a submarine--this for a dog who hates baths and stays away from water.  What was she thinking when she bought it?  I might add that some of these costumes can be downright dangerous.  For example, let's say you are a dog dressed as a banana, and you run into a monkey.  The monkey sees you, gets hungry, and thinks he has the chance to eat the world's largest banana.  Do you really think a monkey could resist that banana?  Of course he can't so you would be the first dog to be a casualty of a Halloween costume.  You would think the humans would be able to think these things out for themselves, but the humans are brain challenged.  Remember all the dogs reading this:  if your human tries to dress you in a costume, be as uncooperative as possible.  If your humans are like most of them, they will give up after about an hour.  Then you have won!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Dressing in Costume for Halloween)

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Government Shut-down Would not Happen if Dogs were in Congress!

The United States government has been shut down for a week now, and there is no re-opening in sight.  I will take this opportunity to say, "I told you so" because this is the kind of thing that happens when you allow humans to be put in charge instead of dogs.  Did you know that there are presently no dogs serving in the House or the Senate?  Of course, I don't really have to say that since everyone knows that if dogs were running things, everything would go far more smoothly.  Sure, we can be stubborn, but it usually involves something important like food or bones.  We don't get silly over legislation. 

The big issue is Obamacare which Republicans are against.  Evidently, they think it is wiser to shut down the entire government in order to keep "Obamacare"  from going into effect.  This seems silly to me from a strategic viewpoint  because it would be so much smarter to let it go into effect since they KNOW it is going to be such a disaster.  If it goes into effect and the humans hate it, then they will start protesting and the Democrats and Obama will look stupid, and it will be repealed   Of course, if it turns out well and happens to become popular, it could have the opposite effect and make the Republicans look bad.  However, it is this dog's opinion that if you really believe in the things you are standing behind, you won't be afraid to follow through.  I say, let the health care initiative go through and see what happens.   Meanwhile, the government will be paying the furloughed workers for the time they are off.  Isn't that just going to cost more and add more to the budget?  I guess, being a dog, it is hard for me to grasp that concept.  Maybe the next time the humans go to  the voting booth, they will remember this silliness and VOTE DOG!

Demon Flash Bandit (Financial Advisor)

Monday, October 7, 2013

Dog Dynasty!!!!

Normally, I'm not a fan of reality television shows, but I have to make an exception with the show, Duck Dynasty.  Mommy (my human one) bought 3 seasons of the show to see what it was like.  She got curious about the show when she found Duck Dynasty merchandise everywhere she went.  It was at Walmart, Meijer, Kroger,  the lemonade stand down the street, and in Captain Jack Sparrow's treasure chest!  Wait until you see Sparrow in his camouflage

The show is about a family who operates a business making duck calls.  The whole idea of a duck call is interesting.  I know a lot of dogs who would be buying squirrel and  chicken calls if they made them.  The family has 2 dogs:  Jessee 3 and Bo Bo so they are obviously  smart humans.  In one episode, Miss Kay (the matriarch of the family) decides to buy a new couch, but when she gets it home, she decides she doesn't like it.  Why doesn't she like it?  Because the dogs don't like it, and aren't even jumping on it.  You have got to love a human that takes a dog's opinion that literally.  If the dog doesn't like it, it does not stay!!!

I like this show, and the humans on the show.  They seem like very nice humans, and very down to Earth.  Unlike some of the programs where the humans don't seem to live on the same planet as everyone else.  Some of the humans Mommy grew up around were very much like the Robertsons.  Mommy grew up in Georgia, and many of her relatives still live there.  The Robertson family are self described "red necks", and this dog  thinks being a red neck must be lots and lots of fun.  I would even consider wearing a camouflage hat if the humans would take me out hunting.  I don't like to wear clothes, but a dog does what he has to do to get to enjoy the fun things in life.  I do have a suggestion to make the show even better, and that idea is to cancel the ducks and bring on the dogs.  Doesn't Dog Dynasty have a nice sound to it?

Demon Flash Bandit (Suggesting a Pilot Episode of Dog  Dynasty)

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Disney Should Build a Park for Dogs

Disney parks have always been very nice in dealing with those humans who are disabled.  However, recently this practice has been getting some criticism because there has been at least one expose about how some disabled people were charging large amounts of money to go with able bodied families so that they can avoid waiting in line.    Here is the link:

I think Disney was being very nice in the past, but I can understand why they have to change their handicapped policies.  Yes, it isn't fair to those who don't abuse the privilege, but life is not always fair.  Besides, if it continues as it is now, it isn't fair to anyone that the able bodied children get to be first in line just because their parents can afford to pay a handicapped person to accompany them throughout the park.

It is only natural that some of the humans are already complaining about this new policy even though it does not officially go into effect until October 9.  Some of the parents complaining are those whose children are autistic.  I barked at Mommy to find her opinion on this matter since Mommy had 2 sons who were autistic (the oldest one with Asperger's Syndrome died in 2002 at the age of 22).  Although Mommy knows it can be a hard road when the child has a "melt-down, autism is one handicap that is very easy to fake since autistic children do not look any different from non-autistic children.  There are also different levels.  Both of my brothers were high functioning.,  In fact, the oldest one was a child prodigy.  The tricky thing is to remember that although autistic children are not good at waiting in long lines, the new policy does not require a long wait in line.  Besides, the modern method of assuming that the world will always accommodate  the individual is too simplistic.  Sometimes the individual has to learn to deal with the world as it is--because believe me, one day they will be in a situation where they won't have a choice. Having the world cater to them is not educating them to the ways of the world.  Besides,  I've seen plenty of "normal" children have melt-downs when they have to wait long in line.  Children just don't have a of of patience. Patience has to be learned.

Sure, it would be nice to  live in a world where everyone does the right thing, and everyone is honest, but that is not the world in which we live.  If Disney dealt with dogs instead of humans, they would not have these problems which is why they should start implementing my idea:  a resort location that is made specifically for dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit (New Garage)

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Crash Dummy Dogs

I'm not sure if, as a dog, I should be happy or sad about this entry.  Subaru has been working on a seat belt restraint for dogs.  I do applaud the concern Subaru is showing over dogs.  However, as a dog who has doggy seat belts, I don't particularly like them.  Putting one's head out the window happens to be the most fun a dog can have riding in a car.  I suspect that the humans, who aren't smart enough to put their head out the window are jealous of our freedom and fun and are just trying to take it away from us dogs.   Here is the link to the Subaru story:

One  good thing about this test is that the humans have made some "crash dummy dogs" to use in the experiments.  A dog crash dummy is cuter than any human crash dummy ever made, and I bet the dog crash dummies aren't dumb at all compared to the human crash dummies.  My humans actually had a friend who was a crash dummy.  I bet  my readers didn't know that some of the crash dummies are actual people and not mannequins.  My dad worked at the Ford plant in Wixom,  Michigan which is no longer operational.  In its heyday, it manufactured Lincolns.  One of my dad's co-workers had the job of driving the cars from the end of the assembly line onto the car haulers.  He wrecked a couple of Lincolns and he was called Crash Dummy.  I won't divulge his "real" name because my guess is that he didn't choose to be called Crash Dummy.  It was probably a name given to him by his co-workers to annoy him.  Since he often had to drive the cars outside in the winter, it can get very slippery in MI so I'm sure the job was a lot harder than it sounds.   I'm also sure he had to load a lot of cars everyday.

My Mommy does think it is nice that Subaru is watching out for us dogs.  I think Nissan has a car or SUV with a doggy ramp built in.  Mommy does not buy any car that isn't made by an American company.  However, she does think it is very nice that the foreign companies are watching out for us dogs and she thinks Ford and General Motors should follow suit!

Am I the only dog who thinks that the doggy crash dummies are geniuses compared to the humans?

Demon Flash Bandit (Doggy Crash Dummies)

Friday, October 4, 2013

Movie Review: Cloudy With Chance of Meatballs 2

This is the highly anticipated sequel to the original movie, Cloudy With Chance of Meatballs.  In the original movie, our hero (Flint Lockwood) invents a machine that ultimately causes a major food storm.  Because of this event, the inhabitants of the island need to evacuate so that the food can be cleaned up and the machine shut down because it turns out it is still working.  Flint's idol, Chester V, persuades Flint to work for Live Corp. Company to "save the world" from the machine Flint invented.  I can't tell you how it turns out or it would spoil the movie for those who haven't seen it. 

I give this movie 4 paws up, tail wags, some sloppy kisses, and a well deserved howl!  I'm not saying it is one of the better movies being made, but it stars food, and this dog loves to watch movies which feature food!  I would give it a 10 on the human movie scale, but I'm not so sure my humans would be quite that generous.  Mommy said she would give it a 7 1/2.  Of course, you are reading this for a dog's opinion, and I suggest you go and see this movie!  This dog enjoyed it immensely!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Chasing Humans!

Breaking story in the news:  there is proof that Big Foot exists.  Judging from the shoes I see lying around this house, this was not breaking news for me!  I have even suggested in past blogs that the humans should hang out at some shoe stores and wait until someone orders one of the largest sizes.  That is the easiest way to find Big Foot.

There is a link on the Internet  today that assures everyone that there is some HD film of Big Foot on the Internet.  Here is the link:
You know this has to be real because the humans would not "fake" a video just to get more viewers to watch the upcoming documentary that they are filming now.  I'm sure the video must be fact!

Demon Flash Bandit (Searching for Big Foot)

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Dogs Not Included in Obamacare!

I don't like going to the veterinarian, but since Obamacare went into effect, I thought it would be nice if I had health insurance again.  I used to have it when I was a wee puppy, but after Daddy died, Mommy could no longer afford the premiums.  I called Obamacare to see how much it would cost  for a dog to get insurance.  Would you believe that dogs are not included on Obamacare?   No wonder the republicans are so upset over this legislation.  I'm sure they wanted to see dogs included and we weren't!  This is the kind of discrimination that we dogs get so frustrated over.  We watch out for the humans.  We water and fertilize their lawns, we get them up in the middle of the night, and we bark at all dangers--including those bits of dust flying through the air that are so dangerous!
The legislators have taken this matter so seriously that they have shut the government down.  I am willing to negotiate a settlement that will be beneficial to both humans and dogs, and I will get the government going again.  It isn't really difficult negotiation.  I will just make them add dogs to Obamacare, since I'm sure that is what would make so many of the humans happy!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Need Health Insurance Too)

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Captain Tootsie: My Kind of Super Hero

Most dogs are familiar with a cartoon character named Popeye who eats a can of spinach when he needs to beat up the bad guy.  I have never found this cartoon to be realistic because I  am not  fond of spinach.  I don't think anyone  loves spinach.   How he ever became more popular than Captain Tootsie, I'll never know.  Captain Tootsie gained power by eating a tootsie roll,  This is a character to which I can relate.  I have tried the occasional tootsie roll, and they are very delicious.  Here is a link so that you can read more about Captain Tootsie yourself.
I will never understand why the humans haven't filmed a movie about this character.   Captain Tootsie would be the most popular super hero ever!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Captain Tootsie0