Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Saving for a Rainy Day

As a fiscally responsible dog, I have always prepared for the future.  As you know, anything can happen so it is best to be prepared. During my adventures out in the yard, I often run across treasures.  For example, I have caught 20 mice in the last year.   I tried to catch a squirrel and 3 birds, but they were uncooperative.  I take my treasures to humom who is always thrilled to get them.  I am sure she admires my treasure hunting expertise.  Angel Zoom Smokey doesn't have my hunting skills.
 She has only caught 2 mice.  She is too busy zooming around acting silly to get anything serious done.  I like to put stuff aside for a rainy day because, when it rains, mice seek shelter.  This is because mice don't use umbrellas, and they look silly when they are wet.  Anywoof, I was pleased that humom had deposited my dead mice into my bank account.  Imagine my concern when I told humom I wanted to withdraw a squirrel and 2 mice from  my account.  The squirrel was my interest.  Imagine my anger to discover that my account is empty.  Evidently, banks do not accept mice - dead or alive.  At least that is what they are claiming now.  I know better.  Some CEO has my dead mice on display in his home.  Some of the rich people will even take advantage of a dog.  

Demon Flash Bandit ( Dog Who Was Cheated)

Monday, December 26, 2016

Santa Paws is a Good Dog !

I hope all my readers had a wonderful Christmas.  I am sharing a photo of the puzzle toys Santa Paws left for Angel and me.  I love these toys and the small squeaky toys that a dog can take out and put back in.  😁

The humans got us stuff too, but it is nice that Santa Paws brings something for every dog in the world.  I left him some milkbones  and a Coca Cola.  We had salmon for dinner, and we watched TV while munching on dingo bones we got for Christmas.  We watched Ernest Saves Christmas and Eight Below.  Angel😇 and I😈 got to play outside in the snow!   The humans got some nice stuff too.  Both of my aunts called.   It was a wonderful Christmas for everyone.  I hope yours was nice too.

😈Demon Flash Bandit😈 (Dog)

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Staying Awake for Santa Paws

'Twas the night before Christmas,  and this dog is planning to.stay awake for the visit of Santa Paws.  Humom said I am supposed to be asleep when he comes, but I am sure he wants to meet me.  I am sure he appreciates the extra attention he gets for being included in my blog.  I have been a good boy so I know he is happy with me.  Angel Zoom Smokey is waiting for him too.  I am beginning to feel sleepy.  I will just take a little nap before he arrives.  Angel is snoring already.  I guess we can meet him next year.

Demon Flash Bandit (Waiting)

Friday, December 23, 2016

Hank the Cat Leaving Politocs

Hank the cat has announced his departure from the political arena after his last unsuccessful  senate race.  Although I sympathize with the idea of voting out the humans, dogs know that cats lack the presidentialness of a dog so they are not as good as dogs.  Of course, cats still do a better job than humans, but a squirrel can govern better than the humans.  I assume the reason Trump was voted into office was because he wears that dead squirrel on his head, and the humans think they voted in a squirrel.  If the humans had any sense, they would have voted for me.  I will miss Hank's campaign, and I wish him well.  Maybe he will decide to run again in the future.

Here is the link:

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Hank the Cat)

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

New Christmas Tree

I know all my readers are wondering if the humans have decorated my house yet so here is an update.  The tree is not up yet because I am having a disagreement as to the proper style of decorating.  In case you have to ask, I am right and they have lousy taste.  My humans decided to make life easier this holiday, so they bought a new tree without consulting Angel or me.  I know it is hard to believe that the humans would make an important Christmas decision without our input.  You would think they have more sense.  They got a small tree thinking that it would be quicker and easier to put up.  I am 13 years old so I know that tree is not up to this dog's standards.  Jeff put up the tree, but it has no decorations thanks to yours truly.  I continue to walk up to the tree and knock it over with my paw.  Once I lifted my leg to show my true feelimngs for the tree, but the humans stopped me.  Evidently, artistic expression is not appreciated here in this house.  I hope they give in and put up the normal big tree, but it doesn't look good.  Mommy is really milking this dialysis thing.   At least they won't be down sizing my gifts.  That would be tragic!

Demon Flash Bandit (Decorator Dog)

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

The Perfect Job

I think I have discovered the perfect job for a human.  I saw a photo of the royal castle in Great Britain.  The castle is guarded by several soldiers wearing silly uniforms.  (At least Angel and I think the uniforms are silly).  They spend their day not moving or reacting to anything around them.  Basically, it means their job is to do nothing.  NOTHING!  I have always questioned the intelligence (or lack of ) with the humans.  However, that guard job is a dog' s dream job.  Of course, a dog would be smart enough to lay down and take a nap.

Demon Flash Bandit (Perfect Job)

Monday, December 19, 2016

Do Werewolves Exist?

I am sure that all my readers are familiar with the legends of werewolves.  There have been movies and television shows featuring werewolves.  Although the majority of humans don't believe they exist, some people disagree.  A werewolf is a human who turns into a wolf during a full moon.  Perhaps it is genetic or a curse.  My blog today will check out the accuracy of the stories.   Meanwhile, I'll be setting up a store that carries a new clothing line that will stretch with the change.  It has to be frustrating to have your clothing need replacing so often.  I suppose I can't prove their existence or lack thereof.  Therefore. I will let my readers do their own research, and draw their own conclusions.  I don't like to do research anyway.  I have to admit that there is something noble about humans trying to be wolves.  I wonder if there are humans trying to be dogs.  That would be a fun human to meet.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog)

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Christmas Decorating

'Twas a week before Christmas and the humans were being lazy.   The house was not decorated for Santa Paws and the dogs were going crazy.

This is the situation at my house now.  I have seen a box with a tree in it so I am assuming that the humans are planning to get some decorations up before Christmas.  I hope they hop to it because I love this season.  The snow is wonderful, and I get presents.  This is the best time of the year.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Christmas)

Friday, December 16, 2016

Indoor Bathroom

I had to give humom another day off .  Dialysis didn't go well yesterday, and she slept when she got home.  I hope she doesn't keep milking the situation because this dog has important things to say to my readers.

I am a bit worried because the Christmas tree in the living room is not up yet.  I hope they get it up before Santa Paws makes his appearance.  My humans have a fake  tree.  I would
 prefer a teal tree because a dog likes to have an indoor bathroom.  Our tree is not even worthy of my pee. Mommy actually special ordered the tree  because she wanted a large tree with lights.  We have lots of trees that she could have used in the yard and they are free.    It would alslo keep the squirrel population down. Those varmints are everywhere!   So many squirrels, so little time to eat them.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Talking About Trees)

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Uncle Milty is an Ant Farmer

Evidently, I have an uncle and I was unaware of his connection   to me.  He is uncle Milty, and he has a career as an ant farmer.
I assume he is on the human side of my family  because I can't imagine a dog as an ant farmer.  What is the point of ant farming?  I have seen ants in my yard, and I am not impressed with them.  If you ask me, they are useless bugs which are  not much better than fleas, and I despise fleas.  Ants are incapable of useful activities.  For example, carpenter ants have no building skills.  Have you ever seen a house built by a carpenter ant?  I didn't think so.  I have no clue why my uncle is dedicating his life's work to a bug, but I also don't understand why humans choose to work when they could stay home with their dog.
 I haven't met him, but I am sending Christmas gifts for his ants..  I am sending tiny pieces of thread for them to use as scarves.  Uncle Milty should be happy that his ants will stay warm.

Demon Flash Bandit (City Dog)

Monday, December 12, 2016

Names Matter

We are having delightful weather here in lower Michigan!  My prayers were answered.  Schools closed so I assume a lot of children were also praying for snow along with me. A Delta plane skidded on the runway at Detroit Metro airport.  As I said, delightful.  Angel and I built a snowdog in the front yard.  Some people build a snowman, but dogs know a snowdog is always better.  One of the houses in the past built a giant snow bunny.  The squirrels were amazed.

I was doing some serious meditating today.  Yes , I meditate.  Most of the time, when I meditate, I usually think about places where humom would store my treats.  However, today I was thinking about gremlins and stupidity in manufacturers brand names.  During World War 2, when a machine gave trouble, the guys would say it was caused by gremlins.  What genius at American Motors Co. came up with the name, Gremlin, for one of their cars.  My aunt had one and humom said it well named. It should come as no surprise to dogs reading this.  The company has not been I'm business for decades.  Since the movie, Gremlins was released, you don't see a lot of products named Gremlin anymore.  I hope everyone has a nice gremlin free day!

Demon Flash Bandit (Names Matter!)

I Am Not Santa Paws

Humom hasn't been feeling good for a couple of days.  Being the magnificent dog that I am, I told her she could take a couple of days off from typing my blog.  Of course, I can't allow her to become spoiled so she is back on the job.  My blog is not going to type itself.

I have read that some people get depressed at Christmas.  I happen to look forward to the season so I had a hard time understanding how anyone could be unhappy because of it.  However, after Mommy discovered that Amazon has Santa suits in my size, I am now depressed.  Of course I would look cute in a  costume , but I look even better without one.  Why doesn't Amazon just stick with selling dog food and treats?  I am going to request that Santa Paws  bring the folks running Amazon coal for Christmas.  That is what they deserve for selling dog costumes.  I will admit that I loved the cat in a Santa suit.  It is okay to sell cat costumes.  Cats love to amuse the humans.

Demon Flash Bandit (Just Say No To Costumes)

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

I Am Watching the Grinch

Jeff brought up a 5 foot tall animated Grinch, and put it in the living room.  This worries me because the Christmas tree is not up yet so I am worried that the Grinch is planning to steal our Christmas before it arrives.  By the way, for those of you on the metric system, you are on your own with the conversion.

 Anywhat,  I did not approve of his treatment of his dog, Max.  He dressed Max in reindeer antlers, and made him pull his loot.  Thus  making Max an accessory to theft.  Max could have went to jail for helping.  I think Max should have turned the Grinch into the authorities.  I make it a point NOT to hang out with green people. Blue people are okay.  I learned that fact from watching Avatar

Demon Flash Bandit (Doesn't Trust the Grinch)

Monday, December 5, 2016

Blog not Written by Angel Zoom Smokey

As usual, I, Demon Flash Bandit, am writing this blog as I do every day.  Angel Zoom Smokey did not confiscate my site.  I must admit thst I don't talk about Angel enough.  She is so womfetrful that I can't complimrnt het enough.  Here is her letter to Santa Paws.

Dear Santa Paws,

This is your favorite dog, Angel Zoom Smokey.  My list is simple.  You can leave me 1 million dollars in either cash, check, all major  charge cards, money order or paypal.  Thanks to your generosity, Christmas is my favorite holiday.  Give Mrs. paws  a hug from me.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Not Angel Zoom Smokey)

Sunday, December 4, 2016

2016 Letter to Santa Paws

It is time for my annual letter to Santa Paws which I always share with my readers.   I have to make sure the Christmas dude knows what I want.  Here it is:

Dear Santa Paws,

As you know, I have been a good boy as usual.  I know there are a lot of dogs on your list.  Therefore, I will keep it short.

Bacon (it is on every dog's list), Dingo bones, rawhide bones, puzzle toys, milkbones,  dog yogurt drops, and basically most dog treats (NO LIVER FLAVOR).  I know you have limited time so a gift card for $10,000 will be okay.  My humans can take me to Petsmart, and I can buy the things myself.  Angel Zoom Smokey has not been a good girl so I am the only dog in this house who should get gifts.  However, you can bring her a stick.  She loves sticks.
I also hope that you can find families for the dogs who need them.  Thank you in advance and merry Christmas.


Demon Flash Bandit (Good Dog)

Message from Yoda

Finally, my warnings about the evils of birds has been noticed by a celebrity, Yoda.  Yoda has made a video about being attacked by seagulls.  Yoda has the power of the force to fight birds.  I hope he will use it to solve the bird problem.  I am sharing the (Seagulls. Stop it Now:

Now Yoda is one of my heroes.  I have a new hope.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Information)

Friday, December 2, 2016

I Want a new election.

Yesterday was the first day my mom went for dialysis at the  new place.  She had to be there at 6:00 AM so I was woke up early.  I am a not a morning dog, and I got woke up at 5:00 AM.  I am not supposed to wake until noon. Yeah,  I didn't think anyone got up at that time.  Stupid humans:  no one should be up at that hour.  I bet they get up for that stupid concept called work.  Believe me, a dog would not have envisioned such a silly idea.  This is why humans are so tired.  Dogs know how to avoid work and nap.  We get our rest.  Now that I am done complaining, I will add that if it keeps humom around, I will put up with it.

I am still wondering why I wasn't elected as president, and I want the election done over.   I have heard that many dogs were turned away from the polls and not allowed to vote.  The only dogs that were allowed into the voting booth were service dogs, and most dogs are not service dogs.  How could either of the humans win  when there was no specific bird policy mentioned? Birds are the main issue in today's world.

I hope all my readers are having a wonderful day.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog)

Thursday, December 1, 2016

I Am a Doctor

There was great joy in my house yesterday.  Humom came home after a 3 month absence.   I am so happy I could kiss a cat.  Mommy ordered Angel and me almond chicken from the Chinese restaurant for dinner.   Life is getting back to normal again.  Humom has oxygen now, and a bunch of medical people will be coming to visit.  I see no need for them when I am a doctor, and Angel is Nurse Jane Fuzzybutt.  We have been taking good care of mom for years.  Mom said she has to humor the medical people because they went to college to do their jobs so I will allow it.  All dogs know that you have to humor the humans.  However I plan to make sure they didn't go to the electoral college.  If so, I will tell them to leave.

Demon Flash Bandit (Doctor Demon)

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Bad Electorsl College

In my continuing mission to try to teach the humans with dog sense, today I am going to discuss the electoral college in the United States.  Hillary Clinton should be president because more people voted for her. The same thing happened with Al Gore when he won the most votes.  I know anyone who knows math would ask, why someone with less votes would be made president?  That is a good question so I will answer it on this blog.  When a state wins, the winning candidate gets all the votes.  This system was set in place by the founding fathers.  No, they were not literally fathers of all the citizens.  They would have gone broke just giving out allowances.  I don't know exactly what they were looking for.  However, when they were done, they had started a new country, the United States.  They set up the electoral college.  It sounds good on the surface that some well educated people would cast the final vote.  That isn't what happens.  I did some research, and I am going to share an amazing fact with my readers.  It is not a four year school of education.  Yes dogs, they meet only once every four years.  I do not think that small amount of time should even qualify them for a degree.  Certainly, they aren't educated enough to pick a president. I think it is about time the president is chosen by popular votes and not by lazy college students.

Demon Flash Bandit (Educated Dog)

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Time to Party

Today is an exciting day for Angel Zoom Smokey and myself.  If all goes as planned, mom will be home later today after 3 months of being in a hospital and later a nursing home.  We have been partying in preparation for her return.  I know she will be as glad to see us as we will be to see her again.  Angel told me that she plans to spend at least an hour and a half kissing mom..  She loves to kiss people.  Personally, I think she overdoes it. However, I am not going to tell her my opinion.  The last time I criticized her, she told me to mind my own business or she would start kissing me. Yuck!  I hope mommy feels like partying.

My brothers stocked the house with party foods. I am  particularly looking forward to eating ice cream.  I' m sure mommy will have fun at our party. Every dog is welcome so come and join us.

Demon Flash Bandit (party dog)

Monday, November 28, 2016

Evil Appliance

There have many items over the years that have been invented that have greatly benefited humans and dogs.  On the other paw, some inventions are detrimental to society.  Today I am going to review a bad one.  It is a household appliance usually found in the kitchen.  That evil appliance is a trash compacter.  Whoever invented it should be a jail.  As you know, the humans put their best stuff in the trash.  A compactor destroys that trash by compacting it.  It is the fundamental job of the dog to go through the trash.  As a dog, I am quite aware that humans cannot be trusted to know the difference between trash and treasure.  This is where the dog's job begins.  With a compactor, the dog is unable to open it.  If a dog managed to get it open, he could get hurt.  The thing could turn on and he could be crushed.   So to avoid such a tragedy, don't get one for your home.  Let dogs continue their work.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog)

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Cat Necessities by the Demon Flash Bandit, Dog

Recently I watched an informative television show with a cat behavourist.   He was in a pet store showing misguided humans (they want a cat) what  things they needed to buy.  By the time they left the store, they had spent quite a bit of money.  As a public service, I am going to list the real essentials.

First,  get a cat.  Why get a bunch of cat essentials if you don't have a cat?  Would you buy elephant accessories before you get a pet elephant?  Of course not.

Next item on the list is food. Unless your cat shares his food with a dog, the cheap food is perfect.  If a cat is fed expensive food, he gets uppity.  Ask any dog - they will tell you there is nothing worse than an uppity cat unless it is an uppity squirrel.

Cats need a litter box to take care of their business.  As you can imagine,  they are not particularly good at producing a sellable item.  The show said to get two of them.  Evidently cats think they need a 2 bathroom house.  They only need one.  Again, you don't want an uppity cat.  The pet store has covered or uncovered litter boxes.  This is a blatant attempt by the litter box manufacturers to make more money.  Any plastic tub will do.  A dog could probably find a free one in the neighborhood garbage.

The only cat toys they need is whatever you have around the house.  Yarn, a ball, or a toilet paper holder are perfect cat toys.

Water dishes are unnecessary if your house has a toilet.  It is also hilarious to dogs when the cat falls into the water.  However, purchasing a water dish for a cat is acceptable.

If you want to buy clothes for a cat, go ahead.  They love to wear clothing.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention catnip addiction.  Cats are prone to getting  this affliction.  If a cat starts wearing sun glases, he is probably an addict and needs to go to cat rehab.

Good luck to future cat owners.  However, why not reconsider and get a dog.  Cats are unappreciative jerks.

Demon Flash Bandit

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Turkey Disguise

Now is the time of year when turkeys can become turkeys again.  In early November, many of them put on disguises to avoid being Thanksgiving dinner's main dish.  Some humans don't eat the traditional pizza.  They serve turkey instead.  As you know, you can depend on  me to keep my readers informed.  In my research, I have learned that they disguise themselves as peacocks.  Turkeys dress up for Halloween trick or treating.  I was surprised because I didn't think turkeys would be smart enough to use their costumes to get candy.  If a peacock shows up at your door on Halloween. It was probably a turkey.

Then they stay in costume until after Thanksgiving.  By now, in dogs whose households did serve turkey, the humans should be tired of leftovers by now.  A dog's job is to eat the leftover bird meat before the humans have to eat turkey hash.  Sure it is a sacrifice to eat the rest of the turkey, but we love our humans.   Therefore we make the sacrifice for them.  There should be a special medal for us dogs.  The humans are so lucky to have us.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog)

Friday, November 25, 2016

New Candy Flavors

Just in time for Christmas, a candy company has released candy canes with new flavors.  Those exciting new flavors are gravy, bacon, and pickle.  Don't tell me there isn't a dog running that company.  I don't think the humans have enough common dog sense to learn.  (We tried to teach them, but they have little, human size brains).  I know many times when I have time to contemplate flavors, bacon comes to my mind.  Some people prefer their bacon cooked until it is crispy and some prefer it cooked  less.  Personally, I love it whethet it is cooked or uncooked.  Yes, I would eat raw bacon if I had the opportunity.  My humans make me wait until it is cooked.  My mom started purchasing it already cooked.  I am guessing that a dog was the bacon marketing  consultant.  Pre-cooked can be eaten in the car on the way home from the store.

I'm also sure that gravy was the brainchild of a dog. Gtravy makes everything better. I want to try it over bacon.  You know there was one human in tjhe group.  He came up with the stupid picklle flavor.  It must be sweet pickles because dill are kind of sour.  It has to be sweet to be candy.  If of tastes sour, it is uncandy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Tasteful Dog)

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Happy Thanksgiving

Today is thanksgiving in the United States - a day to give thanks.  We celebrate the anniversary of the time many moons ago, the pilgrims and native Americans ordered pizza and then played a game of rockball (this was before football was invented).  They said that every year people should celebrate the anniversary of the day by ordering pizza and giving thanks for pizza delivery.  We have done so ever since.

My brothers, Angel, and me are having the traditional Thanksgiving pizza.  Mom, who is still in the nursing home got a turkey dinner.  Jeff assured me that mom would not be arrested for having turkey because she had nothing to do with the menu.  They would arrest the administrator or the chef.   She said it was good.  Maybe I should visit her for a taste test.

Personally, I am thankful for mom, my brothers, sometimes Angel, my readers, dog toys, bones, and my campaign workers.   I am particularly thankful that mom is supposed to be discharged next Tuesday.  I am so anxious to see her!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Demon Flash Bandit (Thankful Dog)

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Election Rigged!

Since the election, I have been receiving a lot of mail from disappointed voters.  I have decided to share one with my readers.

Dear Sir Demon,

I am so disappointed with the election results.  Clearly, you were the best candidate.  I voted for you, and according to a poll in my area, all the dogs voted for you.  We were so excited to have a candidate with common dog sense.  Do you realize that there is no secretary of sniffing on the President's cabinet?  Dogs know that countries would get along a lot better of the leaders sniffed each other's butts before meetings.

At first I assumed the humans voted for Trump so he won. I have since come to the conclusion that he rigged the election. If the humans weren't so dimwitted, they would see it.   He said it would be rigged. He got by with it even when he confessed in advance.

Please run again in 2020.  We need to have a dog running the country.


Rover (head of the dogs rule constituency.

I will run again in 2020. Meanwhile, us  dogs will be watching Trump!

Demon Flash Bandit ( Cheated by Human)

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Mom's Helper

In addition to my many duties around here, my Aunt Barbara's birthday was last week.  She is humom's sister.  Humom wanted to send her something.  As usual, this dog had to help.  I called her house, and her dog, Max, answered the phone.  I always enjoy barking with Max.  He, like me, is a good boy.  I told him that my mom was wondering what his mom might want for her birthday.  As you know, dogs are an incredible source of information about their humans, which is why I called Max.  I was not mistaken (like it  would be possible for me to be wrong).  He said that she hoped  someone would give her dingo brand bones.  I guess sisters have similar taste, because that is a perfect gift for my mom too.  I passed the information from Max to mom and she sent her sister some dingo bones.  I hope she shares them with Max.  Mom said the bones would make her laugh. Humans laugh at the oddest things.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog)

Monday, November 21, 2016

Happy Birthday to Me!

Greetings my loyal readers!  Today is a very special day, today is my Woofday!  I have already received warm greetings from the Pope and Stone Cold Steve Austin via Skype and Johnny Depp came over to watch Gone to the Snowdogs on YouTube with me.  Yes, I was offered a part in Pirates of the Caribbean 6 by the way, but I will have to weigh it with my other offers which include napping.  I have not had Birthday cake yet, which is an outrage.  A dog needs his sugar.  It's like the ending of Scarface where Al Pacino has all that sugar on his desk and is willing to die for it (Note: I have only seen about a minute of the movie Scarface).  Anyway, thank all of you for reading my blog and sharing my Woofday with me.  You are the best.
-Demon Flash Bandit

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Movie review Star Wars. A New Hope

Long ago on a planet far, far, far away; they're was a conflict-not a war.  It sounds much nicer to say conflict..  Humans always try to make lousy things seem better with language.  No, it doesn't change reality.  Some of you might realize that I am talking about Star Wars The New Hope. For those of you who are waiting for my movie review to see it, this is your luclky day.  You might want to buy a lottery ticket.  Them buy or stream it.

The Empire,  led by robot man Darth Vader is building a death star which can destroy am entire planet.  Luke Skywalker joins forces with other people who want the republic to come back into power.  The galaxy is controlled by an invisible power called the force.

My main problem  with this movie is the lack of dogs.  Sure, Chewbacca's voice was based on Lucas' malamute dog.  However, he looks more like a monkey and he walks on his back paws.  I give it 2 paws up and a tail wag.  It would get a better rating if it had at least one dog.  I would write more, but I don't want to spoil it for the 4 people who haven't seen it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Noodle Chickens

I would like to encourage my new readers to follow my blog.  Otherwise, you might miss out on   my wisdom.  Today's subject is chicken noodle soup.  Despite my vast intelligence,  I am not cettain what a chicken noodle looks like.   I assume it is a special chicken that has noodles.  One day when I was out in the yard, I fpund a garden of noodles.  Humom said they are worms.  I might add that they don't taste good.  This is why birds eat them.  Birds are stupid.After several minutes of research I decided that I don't care about the chicken's noodle.  Their noodle isn' t that smart.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Gourmet)

Monday, November 14, 2016

Animal Planet Programming

Recently, I was watching Animal Planet.  Usually I enjoy their programming, and recommend it to my many readers.  Most of their shows involve cute animals doing silly things or animal rescues.  However, 2 shows do not conform to most of their programmimg descriptions.  One show is called Monsters Within, and one shows the inner workings of a snake rescue.  Some humans not only rescue snakes, but they also provide treatment and offer sanctuary.  Why?  We are talking about a snake.  Have the humans lost their sense or have they ever had any?  Many dogs think the humans need dogs for our wisdom.  A few humans even have a pet snake. I think pets should be furry and cute.   The ridiculous part is that some snakes are poisonous and can kill a dog or a human.  If it is unsafe to pet a snake, then it is not meant to be a pet.  By the way, in the Bible, the snake lied to Eve.  God told the snake he was a jerk, Therefore, snakes are evil.

 The other show, Monsters Within, is about parasites and their effect on humans.  I would like to know why parasites star  in their own show when a cute dog like me has no show.  In addition, parasites have no talent.  On the other paw, I am very talented.  Also, no one has ever thoigjht parasites are entertaining, and I would not  class them as animals.  I bet Animal Planet is probably run by humans. Dogs should be in charge.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog)

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Halloween for Dogs

I have been side tracked with other subjects so that  I have not mentioned my brilliant idea for celebrating Halloween.   Since many human puppies who take part in the trick or treat ritual are now going to trunk or treat at designated parking lots or parties; there isn't as much neighborhood trick or treating. It would be a shame to lose such a lovely neighborhood tradition so my idea is to have dogs trick or treat instead of human puppies.  Instead of candy, the humans can give out dog treats. Since so many of us dogs are forced to wear costumes.  Some of the costumes are humiliating.  Dressing a dog as a squirrel or a bee is something that other dogs will be snickering about for years.  I will admit that Angel was cute as a hot dog years ago.  I had a red Superman cape.  I looked very handsome.  Now our stunt dog, Phantom Fast Snowman wears the  stupid stuff.  Of course, I would put on my Superman cape if I can go around getting dog treats from the neighbors.  Imagine how adorable a bunch of costumed dogs roaming the neighborhoods would look.  Don't tell humom, but I will gladly accept candy if the house runs out of dog treats.  That is our secret.

 Demon Flash Bandit (Gathering Dog Treats)


I Can Solve Heath Care Crisis

As most of my readers already know - Trump won the election.  It is customary for the losers to offer a conciliatory speech. I have no intention of doing so because this election was rigged.  This is why dogs never win, and the humans keep being allowed to run things.  Does Trump even have a dog?

I do want to thank all the dogs who voted for me.  In my next run in 2020,I am going to learn from Trump who made  promises he can' t fulfill  I'm taking it a step further and state that if I am elected to office,  i will fix the health care system and save billions.  How?  I will negotiate a deal that no one can get sick.  As usual, my plan Is genius.   I will banish death.  Being a asuccessful business dog, I am sure I can negotiate with the Grim Reeper to keep everyone alive.   Vote for me in 2020.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog)

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Wendy's Hamburgers a Bribe?

Thanks for all the prayers and woofs for humom.  She is on IV  antibiotics for the rest of the month.  She is feeling better.  However, she had to have a new line put in for dialysis.  If I were her Dr., I would put in a permanent line.

My human was able to get back on the Internet after it was down for a week at the nursing home. I don't think it is a coincidence that I could not do my final presidential campaigning.  Now one of those humans might win.  No wonder the US has so many problems because it keeps being run by humans instead of dogs.

We had Wendy's cheeseburgers for dinner today from my brother, William.  We deserve them because the humans used to be home 24 hours a day.  Since Mom has been sick, our human brothers sometimes leave us alone for an hour or two.  I thought about reporting them to the authorities; but, since I love them, I am letting it go.  Imagine being left alone for up to 2 hours.  Can't the humans go to jail for leaving a dog at home alone?  At least in the movie, Home Alone, the kid was left behind; and it  wasn't deliberate. At least they didn't leave the dog behind.  If you ask me, that was a family in serious need of a dog's wisdom.

Welcome to my new readers in France.  I want to say hello in France: woof woof.  I learned that from a very hot French poodle.  I offered to take her on a sled run to cool off.  Poodles aren't officially sled dogs, but some of them have pulled sleds.
 Perhaps we could create a huskapoo puppy.  I bet it would be adorable.  Anyway, it is always nice to have new readers.

Demon Flash Bandit (Neglected Dog)

Sunday, October 30, 2016

Sales Observations

Humans spend a lot of money on their pets.  My research shows that sales of doggy sunglasses, doggy tie dyed t-shirts, and dog snacks have increased in states that have  legalized marijuana.  Am I the only one who thinks it is more than a coincidence.

Demon Flash Bandit (Observer)

Saturday, October 29, 2016

My Emails

Imagine my annoyance to find out that the FBI (Feline Bureau of Investigation) has released my emails.  I can assure the voters that there is nothing in those emails that I am trying to hide because I am a good boy. My humans will vouche for me.  They always tell me I'm a good boy.  However, as usual, cats are troublemakers who cannot be trusted.  I promise that no information on my emails will any way effect  the war on terrorist birds.  The cats waited until the last of the campaign so the voters would not have time to find out what is in them. This is why humans never call male cats good boys!

Demon Flash Bandit (Good Boy)

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Dancing With the Stars

Don't be fooled by the title of the television show, Dancing With the Stars.  There is not even 1 dancing animal on the show.  Can you believe they dedicated a show to watching humans dancing?  No wonder that so many are watching animals on YouTube.  Animals are much cuter than humans.  One couple was voted off the stage.  They had to hula dance their way to Hawaii.  I would make all of them dance their way off the stage and into the hall of cancelled television shows.

Demon Flash Bandit (TV Critic)

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Mom is Still Sick

The reason I haven't been writing is because my humom has been very ill.  She went from the nursing home to the hospital.  I think they should have sent her home to us dogs.  Jeff said mom was in ICU.  Angel and I discussed this at length because we did not see mommy anywhere so how could we see her.  Mommy is having some trouble with the tubes they installed for dialysis.  She has an infection in the blood that has also infected her heart.  Please continue your prayers on her behalf.


Monday, October 10, 2016

Sweetest Day

Sometimes even a macho dog like myself feels the mood for romance.  Coincidentally, Sweetest Day arrived so I was ready for it.   Luckily I know how to have romance without spending a fortune.  One of mom's drapes makes a lovely tablecloth.  I am sure mom doesn't mind.  I fashioned  my shedded fur into a lovely squirrel centerpiece.  A couple of empty vegetable cans make lovely candlesticks, and can also be used as a vase for flowers.  Again, your human won't mind you taking some from her flower garden.  I got some fancy disposable plates from the garbage.  Needless to say, Angel Zoom Smokey was impressed with my sophisticated entertainment.  Did I mention that I was playing music from the Howling Huskies in the background?

Demon Flash Bandit (Sophisticated Dog)

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Debate #2 Winner

Debate #2 is over; and, as usual, I won.  The humans have turned this election into a circus. Several dogs advised me to throw poop at them, but I did not want to get my paws dirty.    I have stuck to the issues because the voters deserve to know what I plan to do.  I know that the ladies will be tempyefd to vote for my handsome face and blue eyes.  Who can blame them?  However, I will tale the job seriously, and I am better than the humans.  Be sure and vote for me!

Demon Flash Bandit (Debate #2 Winner)

Saturday, October 8, 2016

Service Dogs

My mom  was visited by a dog named Alpine; and, of course, Alpine made her day.  I want to take this opportunity to thank all the dogs who visit hospitals, nursing homes, and hospice to visit the patients therein.  These dogs give selflessly of their love and time to bring snowshine (sled dogs love snowshine) into the  humans' lives.  A few dogs might be jealous, but a family dog cannot be everywhere at the same time so God created therapy dogs.  They provide companionship when the family dog is unavailable.  In addition, let me not forget to thank the humans who accompany those dogs.  Perhaps one day the dogs who are sick can be visited by service humans.

Demon Flash Bandit (Thankful Dog)

Thursday, October 6, 2016

I Want an Ice Rink

I have been "pawrusing" some of those magazines that have all the fabulous homes, This is when I realized that the house I am living in is not up to par (golf term: not up to partying).  I don't know what my humans ate doing with their money, but the house I am living in is not fabulous.  It is just a modest middle class house, and my humans seem happy with it.  However, I don't think it is good enough for a dog of my station in life.  I love my humans so I have offered them a compromise.  They can build on a big room with an ice rink for Angel and me.  We would both be happy with that addition, and it should cost no more than $50,000. That seems to be a fair compromise to us.

Demon Flash Bandit (I Love Ice)

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Education is Important

Autumn has arrived and that brings apples, pumpkins, and the beginning of school.  This concerns many parents who wonder if public school is the best option or if homeschooling is a better option.  For parents who are pondering this question, you have come to the right place for answers.  Send the human puppies to school.  Let me explain my reasoning behind this statement.

Everyone knows that a dog is a child's best teacher, but it is enough responsibility being the family dog.  We shouldn't have to teach the human puppies..  When the children are in school, it gives the dog a chance to nap.  Let the teachers do what they are trained to do.  Let the family dog sleep.

Demon Flash Bandit (Smart Dog)

I Am Pro Bacon

The WiFi was down at the nursing home for almost a week so mom was unable to type my blog for me. I think it is a conspiracy among the humans to keep me from barking before the election.  I understand their reluctance since the humans are running behind me in all the polls.  Angel Zoom Smokey has agreed to be my vice presidential running mate.  I had to ask her because she whined to mom, and mom told me I have to include her.  Angel is not participating in the vice presidential debate.  She has some important chewing to do here at home. Voters can see she has her priorities straight.

I am sure my are wondering what is on my mind today.  As usual, I thought about bones and bacon.. I enjoyed watching the Farmers insurance commercial with the synchronized swimming dogs.  I thought about bacon some more.  Then I took a nap and dreamed I was eating bacon which made it a very good dream.  I have decided that if aliens have arrived on this planet, they came for our bacon which also explains why it cost more now.  They have increased the demand for it.   I don't have to tell you that many people in the US complain about illegal aliens coming here to take their bacon.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Pro Bacon)

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Debate Winner

Mom had a few snags in her dialysis.  The Dr. had to replace the tube 4 times.  The others quit working so she had 5 days without dialysis.  I, being the magnanimous dog I am, told her to rest and type my blog when she feels better.  I know this encourages laziness in humans, but sometimes I spoil them because I love them.

The real problem is the doctors they see.  I go to a specialist because a doctor has to specialize to treat dogs because we are special.  Besides, my doctor gives me treats.  My mom's doctor does not!  I know because I smelled her breath, and I have never smelled a milkbone or bacon when she comes home.

I hope you caught my appearance in the presidential debate.  I hate to brag, but I was pawsome.  All the polls said I won.  I got so tired of being interrupted by Trump. Did he learn no manners from his momma dog?   Obviously, my mama dog did a good job teaching me manners because I am a very polite dog.  Some people did not see me on the debate because birds infiltrated the system. I hope this problem will be fixed before the next debate.  I might add that the audience that were able to watch me said I looked very presidential.

Demon Flash Bandit (Debate Winner)

Sunday, September 18, 2016

War on Birds

I am pleased to announce that my mom is better so I am back on the campaign trail.  Just as I predicted, my trail has been infiltrated by birds, squirrels, and chipmunks. Of course, they are no match for me. I chased all of the varmints out of my way.

There is one candidate who thinks the United States is no longer a great country.  He is wrong. I say that this is a great country, and that is taking into account that this country has been run by humans.   Just imagine how wonderful this country would be with a dog in charge!

I will assure my fellow citizens that there will be no bird takeover on my watch.  Remember, vote for Demon Flash Bandit!

Demon Flash Bandit (Presidential Candidate)

Monday, September 12, 2016

Mom is Better with Dialysis

I am pleased to write that Mommy is improving.  Thanks for the prayers, the power of the paws, and the good wishes.  Mommy is now on dialysis.  I hope she will be back with Angel and myself as soon as possible.

Meanwhile, I am in charge of the household.   My brothers respect my authority, but Angel Zoom Smokey does not.    If she doesn't get with the program, I am going to report her as a bad dog to Santa Paws. It is tough being in charge.

Demon Flash Bandit (Lead Dog)

Sunday, August 28, 2016

Mommy is Sick

I am very upset today.  My mommy had to go to the hospital and I am not sure if she is okay or not.  I worry a lot and am not sure when she will be back.  I miss her already.  I hope so gets well and comes back soon.  A boy needs his  Mommy, even if she is human.  She loves me as a child of her own and she will always be my mommy.  Please come home soon.  I love you mommy.
-Demon Flash Bandit (worried pup)

Friday, August 26, 2016

Bird Conspiracy

In my last blog, I shared the bumper sticker my hubro, William, one of my campaign workers designed for me.  It is on eBay, but the item had a postage cost which is wrong.  It is $5.00 with free shipping.  Actually it was not exactly a mistake on my part.  Obviously, birds jacked onto my computer.  Birds always cause me problems, and they know that, as president, I will not tolerate birds.  I have already planned to have a cat take care of any rats who annoy humans.  Cats are good at catching rats, and they even enjoy the job.  One of the cats said we can make the birds build a wall around the themselves.  However I decided that cat is insane so he will not be allowed to serve on my cabinet.  Remember, some cats are crazy.  This is why cats are not Oatllowed to be president.


Saturday, August 20, 2016

I have some exciting news from my campaign headquarters. It is the bumper sticker which will let other species know that the best choice to lead the humans is a dog.  I would like to thank my brother William for designing my bumper sticker.  Mom had some printed, and they are printed on high quality vinyl by professionals.  You can advertise your support for a dog in the White House. The bumper stickers are listed on eBay.  Mommy might have to be hospitalized soon. Pray for her because Angel and I hate it when she isn't home.

Demon Flash Bandit (Presidential Candidate)

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Sir Wolf versus Little Red Riding hood.

Are my readers following the lawsuit of Sir Wolf who is suing Little Red Riding Hood for spreading lies about Sir Wolf.
Wolves are always the villains in fairy tales.  I think he should also sue the Grimm brothers for giving wolves the bad publicity.  Look at the facts.  The wolf lives in the forest so Red is trespassing in his territory.  I think Red has a lot of nerve
  invading his territory.  Then she expects sympathy.  I went to visit her Grandmother, and she and the wolves  in the forest are good friends. Red's teachers have went on field trips hoping to lose the kid.  She always finds  the group.  I think there will be justice for the wolf.  The judge who is presiding over the case is the honourable Wily Coyote.

Has anyone heard about Trump, the Republican nominee, had a baby removed from his rally.  I am assuming he was mad because the baby's hands were bigger than his hands.  I would never have a baby thrown out of one of my rallys.  I would have walked over and kissed that precious baby.  Babies are often wearing food, and I like to eat.  This is why you should vote for me.

Demon Flash Bandit (Presidential Candidate)

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

No Birds Welcome

I am madder than a squirrel without a tree to climb who has run out of nuts.  As you can imagine, I am angry.  The mommy birdb who has built a nest by our front door has started to attack
Dogs as well as the humans.  They try to attack me, but I chase them.  Angel is afraid of them.  She runs back into the house.  I wiish shr could be more like me.  Those birds need to chased by a dog.  Birds are jerks.

Demon Flash Bandit (Bird Chaser)

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Another Dog With a Blog

I have exciting news for my readers.  I discovered that Hulu is showing the television program, Dog With a Blog.  It has been on for 3 years, but my humans don't get the Disney channel.  My humans don't have cable TV because they stream Netflex and Hulu so I didn't get to watch it 3 years ago.     The star is a dog named Stan, and he is a very cool dog who can talk.  He is a great dog because he is as lot like me.  I am also angry because it has been cancelled by Disney.  Sure, Disney can continue making Star Wars movies, but when they air a show with a dog that is their best achievement, they throw it aside.  They must be under the impression that Star Wars will do well, but the humans prefer dog shows.  This is the kind of mistakes that are made when you put a stupid mouse in charge.

Demon Flash Bandit (Another Blogging Dog)

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

I have been negligent in writing my blog recently because my secretary has been been cleaning the house.  Translation:  the humans are throwing stuff away that Angel and I want to keep.  I caught them throwing away one of MY toys.  Humom thinks that a 6 legged octopus belongs in the garbage.  There is a good reason he was missing 2 legs.  I amputated  them. It was because it needed to be done.    He has been under my care, and I saved his life.  Besides, I wanted to see how a 6 legged octopus would look.  I regret that I can't keep a watchful eye on the garbage and still be on the computer at the same time.

This is particularly true when I have a matter of great importance to share with my readers.  There is a species of cockroaches that give milk with more protein than cows milk.  Will the humans start operating roach dairy farms?  Will there be roach cream, roach butter, or roach cheese?  I don't think it will be a success, but who would think a 6 legged  octopus would be considered garbage.

Demon Flash Bandit

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Leading the Packing

In answer to my readers who have been asking about my presidential campaign and how it is going, this blog is a campaign update.  I am in the lead on cuteness I will get 100% of the cute vote.  That comes as no surprise to anyone that has seen my photo and the photos of Hilary and Trump.  My campaign also wins votes for the best slogan, Leading the Pack.  Hilary has the second best slogan, I am already familiar with the White house.  I think that Vote Trump and make America a Dump is a horrible slogan.    It is as if he isn't even trying.  I will give him points for honesty.  Usually the human candidates lie a lot of the time.  I promise the voters to build more community dog parks, better dog food inspection, and insure that dogs are tax deductions for the humans.  Be sure and vote for me to be president.  Thanks for your support!

Demon Flash Bandit (Candidate)

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Pokemon Go Away

Recently a new game is popular with the humans
and that game is called Pokemon Go.   Am I the only dog who has never seen a Pokemon?  Do Pokemons hide from dogs?  This new game encourages the humans to get exercise.  I think that dogs are too smArt to ruin a good nap to chase after something that probably  doesn't exist.  It isn't like it is a game of Squirrel Go.  I am confident that the game is harmless for dogs.  However we are dealing with humans-not dogs.  Humans are in danger when they are playing.  They get too involved in the game that they pay no attention to their I surroundings.  I think this game was invented  by those evil birds that. I complain about.

Thursday, July 21, 2016

McDuck Dynasty

I don't know how many of  readers watch McDuck Dynasty on television,  For the benefit of my readers who have never seen the show,  it is a reality show about the McDuck family.
The patriarch of the family is named Scrooge McDuck.  Scrooge is a very wealthy duck.  He has a nephew, Donal, who often babysits for  his sister Dumbella's 3 sons, Huey, Dewy, and Louie.  The show is meant to be seen by families.  However, I wonder why Scrooge pays for coats and hats when he doesn't buy any pants.  I can't recommend letting small children watch.the show unless you want to have to explain why they have to wear pants when  the McDucks wear none.  Maybe i.n the future Scrooge will buy pants for family.

Demon Flash Bandit (McDuck Tales)

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Movie Review creed

The movie, Creed, is the latest in the Rocky universe.  Apollo Creed's son is following in his famous dad's footsteps.  Since Apollo is deceased, his son goes to Rocky Balboa for training.  If you like the Rocky movies (with the exception of Rocky 4 and 5) this is a must see movie
  I give it four paws  up, and it would be a refrigerator in the human ratings system.  .  Yeah, the humans have a weird ratings system.  I recommend this movie.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Friday, July 15, 2016

Today I was strolling through the kitchen when I spied with my  blue eyes an opened package of Keebler coconut dreams cookies.  Since they were sitting at the edge of the table, I assumed they were for me so I helped myself.. There were only 2 cookies left so the greedy humans got to them first.  They are delicious. Keebler elves spend their time in hollow trees bsking cookies meant for dogs. This is why dogs must be very vigilant in guarding trees.  Humans will steal the Cookies. Don't let a human eat your cookies.


Saturday, July 9, 2016

It is Hard to be a Dog

Today. I write my blog with a heavy heart.  I love my humans. And I have taken great pride in my human obedience training methods.  Usually, they are good humans who do what I command.  I have even considered writing a book on the subject so that other dogs will also have well trained humans.  I know that humans have limits on what they can learn, but a well trained human will seldom embarrass their dog master.  I know all my readers will understand my frustration when I discovered that my humom had ordered a cute little house meant for a bird from Amazon.  I had to do something because, if she put it outside, a bird would move in.  I would be laughed at by every dog in the area.   I had to take drastic measures to protect my I started chewing on it.  Being a dog is hard work!

Demon Flash Bandit (Trainer)

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Movie Review: My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2

The movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2, is now available on DVD and bluray.  It continues the story of the Portokalas family in the first movie.  In  this film, Toula and Ian and have a daughter named Paris who is a senior in high school.  Paris wants to attend college in another state, but her family wants her to go to a local college.  Meanwhile another family member is getting married.  There weren't any exciting events in this movie, but Mom and Angel gave it Angel wings and a halo.  I felt the money for the bluray could have been better spent on a dog movie.  Dogs always make the best movies!  The cast from the original movie returned for the sequel which was nice.  I got bored and slept through it which is a good thing for he-man dogs like me.  It is more of a chick flick. This is why I gave it a must nap rating.  I thing the word rating can be traced back to a Greek word-ray which is a furry rodent, and "ing" which signifies that the rat is alive.   In ancient Greece, rats were prized  for their fur.  All the Greek women wanted a rat fur coat.  I do appreciate the household miracle item from the movie-Windex.  It is helpful to know that Windex will fix anything. It gave me a genius idea to make bone money.  I will buy an old car at the junk yard, spray it with Windex, and sell it at a much higher price.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Monday, July 4, 2016

Animal Planet Gets Disgusting Programming

Recently I discovered that Animal Planet has a live video stream featuring puppies.  A couple of days ago, it was featuring puppies wearing costumes.  Two were dressed as sharks and 2 were dressed as alligators.  They were so adorable, it was like looking at a smaller version of myself in the mirror.  I am sure I don't have to tell my readers that all dogs are beautiful. One of the gators kept losing his little costume which was adorable  If I'm not mistaken, the puppies were up for adoption.  Occasionally they show a different stream when there is technical difficulties which I suspect involves a clean up crew.

When technical difficulties occur, the network goes to another group of puppies which is okay.  Several  days ago, I was watching and the other puppy feed came on.  Then the network left the puppy camera and switched to kittens and their mama cat.  I am okay with cats, but I heard some dogs were highly insulted.

When they left the kitten camera, they switched to a live cam of birds!   I have no words to describe my disappointment.  I don't want to see birds on television unless it is an episode of Cops, and the birds are being arrested.

I thought the birds were bad until the next group came on.  It was a bunch of roaches running around.  I was disgusted.  I was ready to start a letter writing campaign to Animal Planet to keep such filth off the network.  Sometimes I like to chew on a bone while I watch tv, and I do not like for them to feature roaches while I am eating.  Did you know that roaches are officially animals?  I had no idea.  I thought they were bugs.  Even the humans try to get rid of them, and pet supply stores do not carry roach food.  Does Animal Planet think anyone is going to adopt one as a pet?

This is the time I changed channels.  I decided that fleas and mosquitos might be next.  I wasn't taking that risk.

Demon Flash Bandit (Television Viewer)

Thursday, June 30, 2016

Party Time

I have decided to throw a big party at my house on Saturday.  I have arranged a real feast  I have ordered Bread, Meatloaf, Black Eyed Peas, Cream, Blue Oyster Cult, Smashing Pumpkins, and Red Hot Chili Peppers to name a few. Bring roast beef, ham, pork chops, chicken, steak, and salmon
  Jeff will set up his outdoor theatre, and I told provide entertainment.  He will show Snow Dogs and Hotel for Dogs.  Don't miss my party.  It is the doggy social event of the year!

Demon Flash Bandit (Party Dog)

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Calling All Dogs: Tree Emergency

According to the Washington Post, there is a very old white oak tree in Basking Ridge, New Jersey that is almost 600 years old.  The tree is in declining health.  The humans aren't sure why it is dying, and they speculate that the tree is dying of old age.  Of course, the tree is being examined by humans, and I have no faith in their conclusions.  Humans do not appreciate trees as much as we dogs.  I think a group of dogs should be put in charge of the tree's care.  We can start by taking charge of the tree's watering schedule.  I personally have helped many trees get big and stay healthy.   Dogs don't just put water on them.  We age and treat the water like fine wine.  My suspicion is that it is an ongoing homocide, and I know who needs to be arrested for the crime.  If we act quickly we might be able to save the wonderful  tree while it is still alive.  The culprit is (drum roll) BIRDS!  Birds like to hang around in trees and they are always building their nests on the branches.  Imagine having to hold up an entire house!  No wonder the tree is in decline.  It is tired of the birds building their subdivisions in it.  If that isn't hard enough on the tree, the birds like to sit their feathers on the branches.  The woodpecker even drills holes into the tree  because he wants to live inside the tree.  In addition, there are squirrels running around all over the tree.  Meet me in New Jersey.  We will get rid of the birds and squirrels and make sure the tree gets our special magical water.  The humans know our liquid is beneficial for trees.  This is why they let us outside to "do our business" which is tree care.

Demon Flash Bandit (Save the Tree)

Monday, June 27, 2016

Movie Review: The Curios Case of Benjamin Button

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is the movie I have chosen to review today.  It was made in 2008 so it is an older movie, but the movie is interesting.  It isn't often that Hollywood makes a movie about a button.  It opened the door for other movies about sewing notions.  If Brad Pitt had refused the button part, my guess is that the movie Zipper (2015) would never have been made.  Cate Blanchett starred with Brad Pitt.

This movie is quite revolutionary.  It isn't often that people.get to see life from a Button's point of view.  This might have been more accepted if it was one of those political buttons or one that supports a cause with a built in pin.  This button is an ordinary button that fits into a buttonhole and keeps a garment together. I have seen buttons shaped like seashells, cars, cute animals, and other motifs.  Many are plastic, but they are also made from other materials like brass and wood. The movie is not about one of those fancy buttons.  It us just a circular plastic button which was nothing special.  The movie has a message and that message is (in my opinion), one does not have to be  fancy to live a useful life.  What would the humans do without plain, ordinary buttons?  I give this movie a tail wag, a kiss, and a wolf wolf.  The humans give it a vest which is higher than a shirt, but lower than a suit coat.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Fashionable Dog

Many human fashions are often not particularly practical.  However, I have invented a fashion that is lovely-and practical.  I am sharing this with my readers because I enjoy helping other dogs enjoy life as much as I do.

First, you need to find something sticky to put on your face (or any fur that needs to look good).   I used maple sryup because that  is the pancake syrup of choice in this house. You can use no brand maple flavored syrup, but believe me, you can tell the difference.  Maple syrup tastes better.  I stuck 2 milkbones on each side of my nose.  I was eating a third milkbone
Mom said I was adorable, and Angel Zoom Smokey  was so jealous.   Being a creative dog is fun.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fashion Designer)

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Dogs: Smarter than Humans

How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man?
Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly
Before they're forever banned?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind

How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
Yes, 'n' how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
Yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind

How many years can a mountain exist
Before it's washed to the sea?
Yes, 'n' how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
Yes, 'n' how many times can a man turn his head
Pretending he just doesn't see?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

These lyrics were written by Bob Dylan.  Most of the older readers have heard these lyrics many times.  I am sharing them once again because the humans are slow learners.  Sadly, I think the answers have to be hurricane winds to get the humans to pay attention.  Many of you have asked what, if elected president, I would do to stop all the mass shootings.  I do have a plan.  As usual, my plan is brilliant.  The United States government should confiscate all guns  and replace them with squirt guns.  Just think:  that night club would not have killed near as many people because there aren't many cases of squirt guns drowning anyone.  People could carry large super soakers which are very powerful.  I've never tried it, but I have been informed 
that one of those babies can knock birds out of a tree.
I would really love to test that scenario myself.
Humans are not the only species that have been killed by guns.  Dogs, rabbits, deer, fish, bottles, cans,  and snakes are shot instead of the birds God told us to shoot.  I will include the 10 commandments for dogs in a future blog entry.

 I have a special interview today with Rodney Rifle and Henry the handgun.  Before I start the interviews which I know my readers are anxious to read, I want to mention that my mom noticed an anniversary this week.  On June 21, 1970,   my dad's friend, Dennis Ladage was killed in Vietnam.  Daddy carried him back to the helicopter.  As Bob Dylan said:  too many people have died.

Here are interviews
Rodney:  I have been asked how it feels to have aided and abetted murder.  I am a rifle.  I don't kill anyone.  People that pull my trigger do the  killing.  A Sniper can kill someone with a chair.  Of, course, killing from a distance is more difficult when the weapon is a chair.

Henry:  I am tired of having to be taken from cold, dead hands.  By the way, there are even handguns small enough th fit in Trump's baby hands.  I haven't seen such small paws since I met a Chihuahua.

When I am president, I will work tirelessly to get a squirt gun into every humans hands.  Of course, the humans will probably find a way to kill with them.  Maybe acid instead of water.  Watching out for the humans is a full time job for us dogs.  Do I hear a wolf wolf?

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing my Big Plan)

Thursday, June 16, 2016

No, Not the Bird Drapes

Humans should not be allowed to do any interior decorating.  Case in point:  My mom is thinking about buying new drapes for the living room
 I think new drapes are a good idea.  The metal blinds were destroyed because a dog can't see out the window when it is covered by those dumb blinds.  The living room has a huge window and mom had originally planned to buy wooden blinds to compliment the oak floor.   However, she realized that the wooden ones would face the same fate when a dog decides to look out the window.  To be fair, those old blinds were very old, and they needed to be replaced so I was performing a public service for the humans.

Everything was going well until mom found drapes on the Internet with little birds printed on them.  Dog spelled backwards is God.  Bird spelled backward is drib.  This is because I have heard that birds are not one of God's creatures. Dogs are one of his best creations.  Dogs were created to help the humans and provide companionship.  Birds cause trouble and drop poop bombs everywhere.  I hope mom is thinking about those drapes to encourage the wild birds to fly into the window.  I like I to give mom the benefit of the doubt, but she doesn't hate birds.  Sometimes you can't talk sense to the humans

Demon Flash Bandit (Interior Decorator)

Monday, June 13, 2016

Sticks: Be Picky

Today's topic is sticks.  A good stick can be enjoyed for hours on end.  However, since sticks are essentially wood, they don't chew the same way.  This is because some woods are hard woods and some are soft woods depending on which tree from which it came.  Cherry is a hard wood which makes it good for furniture.  Oak is medium so the humans use it a lot in flooring.  Soft wood like pine has versatile uses, and it  takes less time to grow a new tree.

You are probably wondering why any of this would make a difference to a dog.  It happens to be very important to a dog.  It is even more important to us.  Hard wood sticks last longer.  Pine has some resin type sap in it-and it isn't the good stuff like maple syrup.  It smells like turpentine which brings up my next reason for choosing the right sticks--flavor.  Apple and cherry taste better than lemon sticks.  Although sticks are easy to find, if given a choice between sticks and bones, go for the bone.  Both items taste better with maple syrup.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Sticks)

Saturday, June 11, 2016

Let's Visit Foamhenge

Since it is June, many of the humans are planning vacations.  Some humans prefer to go to the beach or theme park.  Some work through their vacations.  Some use the time off work to go to historical places, museums, and other cultural events.  Because any dog who reads my blog is intelligent and sophisticated, this is a travel blog for them.  During my exhausting vacation destination research, I discovered a perfect destination for a vacation  that is both educational and fun.

I suggest a trip to Foamhenge in Virginia.  It is a perfect replica of Stonehenge in England.   A lot of humans have visited the one in England.  It has been the object of study.  Many humans marvel that ancient people built it without the help of modern technology.  Some have theorized that it was built with the aide of aliens who visited Earth in ancient times.  They also debate its purpose in being built.  Foamhenge is far more mysterious.  One day, there was nothing and the following day,  Foamhenge appeared out of nowhere.  Was it built by modern aliens?  Did a mattress factory explode?  Perhaps it is a conspiracy to get the humans to focus their attention on it rather than the upcoming election.  The superior mind of dogs will be so busy studying it, and calcuating how much it can be peed on, they are hoping to sneak in a human candidate.  By all means, go to Virginia to see it, but send in an absentee ballot before you go.  Here is a link to a site about Foamhenge.

Demon.Flash Bandit (World Travelker)

Friday, June 10, 2016

My Presidential Campaign

This is an update for the many supporters who have asked about my campaign.  It is going well
  I have already gained the nomination of the dog party.  I don't need to remind my readers that, when given a choice between a human and a dog, the dog will win.  I will admit I  have had the nomination in my paw almost from the beginning.  I have seen the humans who I am up against, and I will win by a landslide.

Bernie hasn't given up yet, but you know he doesn't stand a chance against me.  I have had 2 email addresses for years, and neither has ever caused me any concern.  If the one on dogster were published, the emails would not hurt my campaign.  Unlike Trump, I never cheated on my first wife only to leave wife 2 for wife 3.  Isn't that kind of similar behavior  part of the reason so many humans got upset with Bill Clinton? I might add that my first lady, Angel, was born in Ohio, and barks English as her first language.  

 From the time I've been a puppy, humom has always told me most of the time that I am a good boy.  When I got into stuff, she would tell me that I was being bad.  Sure, she didn't punish me.  She said that when I got bubblegum or orange craft paint on my nose that I was being bad.  However, I looked so cute, she let it slide.  I will admit that I have occasionally told a lie, but it was justified. If I didn't occasionally hide some dingo bones and tell Angel Zoom Smokey that they are all gone, I might starve.  Angel has an unbelievable appetite, and she is never on a diet.

I wish the humans could be more like us dogs when it comes to politics.  There seems to be too much hate so remember, the humans are trying to make the right choice no matter who they choose.  However, the best choice is me, Demon Flash Bandit.   By the way, I have a collar and tie so I will look presidential for those of you who care about fashion.

Demon Flash Bandit (Presidential Hopeful)

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Movie Review: Step Dogs

I watched a little known and largely unadvertised movie titled Step Dogs made in 2013.  The movie is the delightful story of a movie star from Hollywood with a spoiled niece (her parents had passed on), and a widower from Canada who lived with his son.  The two adults got married, and settled into farm life.  The farm dog, Meatball (guess why he got his name), and Cassie, and the spoiled Hollywood Pomeranian became step dogs.  The parents went on their honeymoon, and left a neighbor to watch the kids and dogs.  Meanwhile, 2 guys are planning to rob the house.  The movie starts much like Home Alone, but you have to watch it to see how it works out.  If you want to see it, you can buy it on dvd.  I watched it on hulu, and I am ordering a DVD for myself.   Angel and I will watch it often.  I give it 8 paws up, puppy kisses, and a wagging tail.  The humans give it popcorn and a coke-a very high rating from the humans.

Demon Flash Bandit (4Movie Critic)

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

I Love Ice Cream

It is the summer season here in Michigan; and the only good thing about summer weather is the appearances of ice cream trucks.  Yes, refrigerated trucks that bring a dog ice cream.  You know they are approaching when you hear music.  I'm sure it is a recording of an angelic choir announcing the imminent arrival of ice cream.  I have not been hearing the music yet this year.  Mom said when she was young growing up in Chattanooga, they came through about 10 times a day
  Perhaps it is a dying business; but, perhaps if dogs sTart eating more ice cream. We can bring them.back into the neighborhoods.  Until then, mom will get me ice cream at the store.  My humans have my back!

Demon Fish Bandit.(Dog Who Loves Ice Cream)

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Designer Dogs

I ran across a site that has a beautiful dog named Mya.  Many humans think she is a fox. I agree-I would take her out on a date, but she is not really a fox,  she is a dog.  It is not unusual for humans to be wrong.  I can't tell you how many humans think I am a wolf.   I could huff and puff and blow their brains away, but who would notice?

In reality, Mya's parents are a Siberian husky and a Pomeranian.  The new "designer" breed is called a Pomskie.  Another designer breed are Labradoodles.  Humans think they are such geniuses for mixing breeds together, but we dogs have been doing it for centuries.  When I was a young pup, I loved the dog next door, Meagan.  We could have had Spanskies, but it didn't work.   Much like Romeo and  Juliet, our love was not meant to be.  Then Angel Zoom Smokey and I got together, and we would have had gorgeous puppies.  However, Angel didn't want to be tied down to raising puppies, and I have a busy political career.  I do understand Angel,  She has a successful career getting in my way and bugging me. It did inspire me to write my hit song, Move Bitch, get outta the way.  Here is the link to Mya's information.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog)

Dogs Get the Job Done Right

Recently, Mom discovered that, for young people in Michigan  to get a driver's license, there is a publication with a list of things the kids need to bring in to verify their identity and their age.  If I were in charge, I would be more concerned about whether or not they know how to drive.  Because I am a dog, I can't get a driver's license despite me owning papers from the AKC (American Kruising Canines) certifying that I'm a Siberian husky (an official travelling breed).  I understand how the older humans feel.  Humom graduated from high school 43 years ago today, and she thinks babies born as early as the 80's should still be in school. She does assume they are old enough for high school.  Evidently, babies born in the 90's are supposed to be in elementary school.  However, despite her hesitancy about allowing all these babies out on the road, she would not expect them to carry around a backpack of identification paperwork.  In fact, I assume that is why backpacks are so popular now.

I had to explain to humom that, although the geezers running the country probably don't trust children to drive anymore than she does.  I'm guessing they also see age groups the same as she does, chances are that it is probably not the reason for being so ridiculous.  I had to remind her that the United States has become the land of the paranoid and the people without common sense.

When a 16 year old goes in to get a driver's license,  they aren't planning to organize a terrorist attack.  They are too busy hanging out at the mall, fantasizing about the weekend, and/or working at some mind numbing, low paying job to pay for gas for the car and insurance.  If a terrorist wants to do something evil, they won't be stopped over a lack of paperwork. When I become  president, I will use dog sense to find evil people.  Haven't you noticed that most dogs immediately like or dislike a human.?  Therefore, I would replace all the humans at Homeland Security with dogs.  I've always said that if you want a job done right, let a dog do it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Campaigning)

Friday, June 3, 2016

Let's Cook.Crawdads

Yesterday I was relaxing and leafing through mom's April issue of Southern Living magazine.  In this issue, I found an interesting recipe for Crawdad dogs.    Of course, first it was necessary to investigate crawdads.   I have heard of them, but I thought they might be a figment of an overactive imagination.   Of course, mom knew nothing about them, I had to get my information from the Internet.  It turns out that they look like little lobsters or scorpions.  My research concludes that they can be eaten or they can be a pet.  I have no idea why anyone would want one as a pet--it is probably those crazy people that like pet snakes.  Crawdad are cannibals so.I suppose they would be a perfect pet for Hannibal Lector. Mom and I have never watched any of those movies; but I have heard that crawdad's must eat a lot of fava beans

However, this blog is meant to share a recipe with my readers.  Crawdad dogs are made from leftover Crawdad etouffee, which is a Cajun dish. Crawdads can be ordered online so finding the ingredients won't be a problem.  I plan to make mine without crawdads because they look disgusting.  To make a Crawdad dog, Crawdad etouffee is the topping of the hotdog. Here is the recipe:

1 tablespoon paprika
2 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon diced thyme
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 cup vegetable oil

There are more ingredients, but I don't care for any of them.  Therefore, I am giving you my Demon Flash Bandit Dog recipe.   Put a hot dog on a bun and load it with cheese and bacon.  In fact, I like to replace the hot dog with more bacon.  I always say "everything is better with bacon".  Enjoy!

Demon Flash Bandit (Chef)

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Birds are not Pets!

I am so disappointed with my humans.   William walked to Little Caesar's to get some pizza for dinner.  Mom usually has pizza delivered, but there are 3 pizza places close by that can be reached by walking.  On the way home, he found a bird that couldn't fly, and it was on the street so William moved it to a safer location. He was thinking of bringing that bird  into our house but mom.told him that it mght be a baby bird learning to fly.  Mommy doesn't know a lot about bird care, and sometimes it is better for the humans to leave them alone.  I was appalled at the very idea.  I had to inform them that, from my understanding of the law, it is have a bird as a pet-or it would be if I become president.  This is why my humans aren't allowed to make my campaign decisions.  Can you imagine how dogs would react to my campaign if my humans have a pet bird.?  What is next?  Are they gonna start feeding the squirrels?   I wonder how many dogs are embarrassed by their humans.  I bet I am not the only dog with embarrassing humans.

Demon Flash Bandit (Embarrassed Dog)

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Movie Review: Age of Adeline

I just finished watching a movie that came out last year titled, Age of Adeline.  The story is about a young woman who was born at the turn of the 20th century, and as a result of a car accident, her body I stopped aging...There a sequel with a character who can eat everything in sight and not gain weight.  Warning for the humans:  do not have a car accident in real life because, In real life,  if a car accident does stop the aging process, it is the result of death.

It was a good movie, but I don't think it is outstanding, but it is entertaining.  I give it 2 paws up and some doggy kisses.  It is probably a toaster on the human scale which is lower than a toaster.oben, but more than a can opener.  If you want to see an action movie, skip it
 Personally, I would have enjoyed a car chase or a blown up building. I consider this movie dull even with Harrison Ford in it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Tragedy at Zoo

I hope my readers had a nice weekend which was a 3 day weekend for people in the United States.  It was a sad weekend at the Cincinnati Zoo.  A human puppy managed to get into.the gorilla area, and he was killed by the humans to "save" the child.  The gorilla's name was Harambe, and he had just celebrated his 17th birthday on May 27
  He shared his home with 2 female gorillas.  He was a typical teenage gorilla. He enjoyed long walks, fine dining, and just being a gorilla.  From the video I saw, I don't think he would have harmed the child.  However, the administration at the zoo did not want to take that risk so Harambe was killed.  I'm not a judge or juror, and I know sometimes bad things happen.  However, it is not unusual for an animal euthanized when the animal is just being themselves.  There have been countless pets euthanized because human children mistreated the pet. I phoned Magilla Gorilla, and this is an exact quote from him.  "How do you expect humans to live peacefully with animals when they have so much trouble living with their own species

One advantage to modern life is that the humans have the technology to film videos of events.  If only they possessed common sense to quit filming, put down the camera, and try to stop the event before it happens.

Demon Flash Bandit (Journalist)


Monday, May 30, 2016

Bacon: It is what's for dinner

My humom says that I am a good boy, and I have to.agree with her.  I am a wonderful dog. For example, yesterday I was strolling through the kitchen which my humans use for food storage and preparation.  Personally, considering houses have living rooms, bedrooms, and the highly unnecessary bathrooms, I would assume it should be called a food room.   I don't spend much time in there.  Anyway, I happened to notice that there was a package of fully cooked bacon sitting there.  I knew it was for me because the humns know I love bacon.  They order bacon and ham on pizzas for Angel and me.  I opened the food room's cabinets with my paw, and grabbed the package in my mouth.  My brother, William, took it from me because "he didn't t'hink humom bought it for me".  Humom told him to open the package and give Angel and me the bacon.  All I have to do with humom
 is give her my pathetic "doggy wants bacon look" and I get bacon.  I always try to eat all the bacon in the house. Bacon is not good for the humans, but 100% of veterinarians who are being held hostage by dogs say bacon is the perfect food for dogs.  There was one vet who disagreed, but after the dogs dug a nice big hole, that vet  is pushing up daisies.

Children:  Remember to enter my art contest.  Send a drawing of Angel, me, or both of us to my email address.  Send entry to

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Bacon)

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Art Contest

Today I am officially starting my art contest.  It is open to children ages 12 and under.  I need some drawings for my book.  I will give as many as 10,  $10. Gift certificates for Wal-Mart OR Amazon.  The chosen drawings may be included in my book with credit given to the artist if the book is published.  The drawing needs to be of Angel Zoom Smokey and me.  Send entries to my email at: The contest will end July 17, 2016.  I hope to share some of the drawings on my blog.  I look forward to seeing all the art work.

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, May 27, 2016

Bark at the Park at Comerica in Detroit, MI

BIG DOG NEWS:  The Detroit Tigers have announced that on June 21 at the 7:10 pm game against the Seattle Mariners it will be Bark in the Park day!  The ticket for human and dog is $40.00, and there will be a special area for us dogs.  After the game dogs will be allowed to run the bases. My human brothers have done that when they were young.  There is one rule, and that rule is that you must keep your human on a leash.  I guess humans can't be trusted to behave at the park.  Frankly, I am surprised that the humans are ever allowed into the ball park without a dog.  Humans are lost without the wise council of their dogs!

Demon Flash Bandit (Baseball Loving Dog)