Sunday, October 30, 2016

Sales Observations

Humans spend a lot of money on their pets.  My research shows that sales of doggy sunglasses, doggy tie dyed t-shirts, and dog snacks have increased in states that have  legalized marijuana.  Am I the only one who thinks it is more than a coincidence.

Demon Flash Bandit (Observer)

Saturday, October 29, 2016

My Emails

Imagine my annoyance to find out that the FBI (Feline Bureau of Investigation) has released my emails.  I can assure the voters that there is nothing in those emails that I am trying to hide because I am a good boy. My humans will vouche for me.  They always tell me I'm a good boy.  However, as usual, cats are troublemakers who cannot be trusted.  I promise that no information on my emails will any way effect  the war on terrorist birds.  The cats waited until the last of the campaign so the voters would not have time to find out what is in them. This is why humans never call male cats good boys!

Demon Flash Bandit (Good Boy)

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Dancing With the Stars

Don't be fooled by the title of the television show, Dancing With the Stars.  There is not even 1 dancing animal on the show.  Can you believe they dedicated a show to watching humans dancing?  No wonder that so many are watching animals on YouTube.  Animals are much cuter than humans.  One couple was voted off the stage.  They had to hula dance their way to Hawaii.  I would make all of them dance their way off the stage and into the hall of cancelled television shows.

Demon Flash Bandit (TV Critic)

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Mom is Still Sick

The reason I haven't been writing is because my humom has been very ill.  She went from the nursing home to the hospital.  I think they should have sent her home to us dogs.  Jeff said mom was in ICU.  Angel and I discussed this at length because we did not see mommy anywhere so how could we see her.  Mommy is having some trouble with the tubes they installed for dialysis.  She has an infection in the blood that has also infected her heart.  Please continue your prayers on her behalf.


Monday, October 10, 2016

Sweetest Day

Sometimes even a macho dog like myself feels the mood for romance.  Coincidentally, Sweetest Day arrived so I was ready for it.   Luckily I know how to have romance without spending a fortune.  One of mom's drapes makes a lovely tablecloth.  I am sure mom doesn't mind.  I fashioned  my shedded fur into a lovely squirrel centerpiece.  A couple of empty vegetable cans make lovely candlesticks, and can also be used as a vase for flowers.  Again, your human won't mind you taking some from her flower garden.  I got some fancy disposable plates from the garbage.  Needless to say, Angel Zoom Smokey was impressed with my sophisticated entertainment.  Did I mention that I was playing music from the Howling Huskies in the background?

Demon Flash Bandit (Sophisticated Dog)

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Debate #2 Winner

Debate #2 is over; and, as usual, I won.  The humans have turned this election into a circus. Several dogs advised me to throw poop at them, but I did not want to get my paws dirty.    I have stuck to the issues because the voters deserve to know what I plan to do.  I know that the ladies will be tempyefd to vote for my handsome face and blue eyes.  Who can blame them?  However, I will tale the job seriously, and I am better than the humans.  Be sure and vote for me!

Demon Flash Bandit (Debate #2 Winner)

Saturday, October 8, 2016

Service Dogs

My mom  was visited by a dog named Alpine; and, of course, Alpine made her day.  I want to take this opportunity to thank all the dogs who visit hospitals, nursing homes, and hospice to visit the patients therein.  These dogs give selflessly of their love and time to bring snowshine (sled dogs love snowshine) into the  humans' lives.  A few dogs might be jealous, but a family dog cannot be everywhere at the same time so God created therapy dogs.  They provide companionship when the family dog is unavailable.  In addition, let me not forget to thank the humans who accompany those dogs.  Perhaps one day the dogs who are sick can be visited by service humans.

Demon Flash Bandit (Thankful Dog)

Thursday, October 6, 2016

I Want an Ice Rink

I have been "pawrusing" some of those magazines that have all the fabulous homes, This is when I realized that the house I am living in is not up to par (golf term: not up to partying).  I don't know what my humans ate doing with their money, but the house I am living in is not fabulous.  It is just a modest middle class house, and my humans seem happy with it.  However, I don't think it is good enough for a dog of my station in life.  I love my humans so I have offered them a compromise.  They can build on a big room with an ice rink for Angel and me.  We would both be happy with that addition, and it should cost no more than $50,000. That seems to be a fair compromise to us.

Demon Flash Bandit (I Love Ice)

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Education is Important

Autumn has arrived and that brings apples, pumpkins, and the beginning of school.  This concerns many parents who wonder if public school is the best option or if homeschooling is a better option.  For parents who are pondering this question, you have come to the right place for answers.  Send the human puppies to school.  Let me explain my reasoning behind this statement.

Everyone knows that a dog is a child's best teacher, but it is enough responsibility being the family dog.  We shouldn't have to teach the human puppies..  When the children are in school, it gives the dog a chance to nap.  Let the teachers do what they are trained to do.  Let the family dog sleep.

Demon Flash Bandit (Smart Dog)

I Am Pro Bacon

The WiFi was down at the nursing home for almost a week so mom was unable to type my blog for me. I think it is a conspiracy among the humans to keep me from barking before the election.  I understand their reluctance since the humans are running behind me in all the polls.  Angel Zoom Smokey has agreed to be my vice presidential running mate.  I had to ask her because she whined to mom, and mom told me I have to include her.  Angel is not participating in the vice presidential debate.  She has some important chewing to do here at home. Voters can see she has her priorities straight.

I am sure my are wondering what is on my mind today.  As usual, I thought about bones and bacon.. I enjoyed watching the Farmers insurance commercial with the synchronized swimming dogs.  I thought about bacon some more.  Then I took a nap and dreamed I was eating bacon which made it a very good dream.  I have decided that if aliens have arrived on this planet, they came for our bacon which also explains why it cost more now.  They have increased the demand for it.   I don't have to tell you that many people in the US complain about illegal aliens coming here to take their bacon.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Pro Bacon)