Monday, December 30, 2013

Movie Review: American Hustle

I went to see the movie American Hustle so, as a service to my many readers, I am going to do a movie review so you can decide if you want to see it. This movie stars Christian Bale, Amy Adams, Bradley Cooper, and Jennifer Lawrence. By the way, since surnames are often derived from the place an ancestor lived or their profession, are we to assume that Christian Bale's ancestors were bales of hay? Isn't it nice to see someone become such a gifted actor when his ancestors were nothing more than food for horses and cows, and bedding for other animals? I bet his were the ones who became Halloween decorations which would explain his flair for drama! Anywho, back to the subject at paw. This movie is about a couple of con artists who end up pulling a major con for the FBI. I can't tell you if it was successful or not, because that could spoil the movie for those who haven't yet seen it. However, I can tell you that the music was good, and it was from the era of the 70's. Jennifer Lawrence played the role of a crazy bitch well. It was nice to see her in a different role from the one she played in The Hunger Games. Now she won't just be typecast as a woman who likes to shoot arrows in action movies to roles where she can play someone who is psycho. Isn't that the dream of most actresses? This is an enjoyable movie which I give 4 paws up, a bunch of doggy kisses, a tail wag, and some doggy treats (but not dingo bones--they are set aside for unusually good movies). This movie would get a 7 1/2 out of 10 on the human movie scale. I would recommend it for a fun day at the movies. Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Scrooge McDuck Will Not Appear on Duck Dynasty!

My recent blog stating that Scrooge McDuck would be replacing Phil Robertson on Duck Dynasty is no longer true.   A&E is cancelling Phil's suspension, and he will be returning to the show without missing even one episode.  This is supposed to be a reaction to all the humans who protested his suspension, but this dog thinks it is because Scrooge McDuck wanted a lot of money to appear on the show.  Let's face it, Scrooge is a miser, and misers like to make money.  I think this is just another situation where the humans are being silly.  It seems to me that Phil's freedom of speech was not violated since everyone seems to know exactly what he said.  I have no idea why A&E got so upset as to suspend him from the show which seems to be an over reaction.  My humans buy a lot of dvds and blu rays and all of them state that the commentary is the opinion of the commentator and not that of the network or movie studio.  An important thing to remember is that, with freedom comes consequences which a lot of the humans seem to forget.  I am free to bark at my neighbor's dog, but if I bark insults at him, and he wants to bite me, that is the consequences of my barking insults.  I can keep my barking to myself if I know it is going to annoy the other dog.  Personally, I think Duck Dynasty would have been a much better show if it was named Dog Dynasty.  However, the family's dogs do make appearances on the show which makes it an okay show in my book.  Any show that includes a dog has to be good!

Demon Flash Bandit (Scrooge McDuck Will Not Appear on Duck Dynasty)

Friday, December 27, 2013

McDonalds Cares About Their Employees!

It does this dog's heart good to know that McDonalds shows such great concern for their employees that they actually set up a website with helpful suggestions to help them manage their money better.  Sadly, this site has been shut down, and now the employees have to call a telephone number to get helpful suggestions.  I don't know why so many humans are talking about this on the Internet.  As a puppy, I refused to eat anything except Burger King, and I can't tell you how many times I overheard the employees discussing how much they should tip their pool cleaners and personal trainers.  I won't even get into how much to tip the valets that park their cars for them when they eat out.  One of the biggest worries that a McDonalds worker faces when trusting a valet  is how to make sure that the valet does not take their 1981 Dodge Aries on a joy ride or, worse yet, steal the valuable car!  I don't have to tell you that you don't see an 81 Aries on the road everyday.  That makes them rare and valuable. 

I think it showed a lot of courage for them to tell their employees that eating their food is unhealthy.  I suppose the next step is to establish a website for their customers so that they can let their customers know not to eat the food.  How many companies are brave enough to admit that their food is unhealthy? 

For those who want more details on their story, here is the link:

I think that the humans should quit criticizing McDonalds, and Mommy should pick up some burgers for a dog the next time she goes out.

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About McDonalds Website)

Movie Reveiw: A Christmas Story 2

In this sequel to A Christmas Story, we join Ralphie and his family in celebrating Christmas 5 years later than the original movie in which Ralphie had to have a Red Ruder BB gun with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time. Of course, he no longer was interested in getting a BB gun. This time he wants a car. This dog loves the original movie, and I think this movie does a great job of keeping with the spirit of the original movie. This movie came out last year, and probably hasn't done that well, but perhaps that is partly because this movie was a direct to dvd movie. In my humble opinion, this movie should have been shown on the big screen in theatres. I think this movie hits a chord with most viewers because even the oldest Dogs among us can remember a time when we were so excited about gifts, and got just what we wanted. Those are wonderful times etched in our memories. The only disappointing part of the movie was that they did not get the Bumpeses hunting dogs. My guess is that they didn't have the budget to pay the dogs to appear. I give this movie doggy kisses, 4 paws up, some extra cuddle time, and of course, the inevitable doggy award for human excellence in film. That would be a 10 out of 10 on the human movie scale. Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Review: a Christmas Story 2)

Thursday, December 26, 2013

My Letter to Mr. Santa Paws:

I hope every dog and his or her human had a merry Christmas. I had a nice one myself. I got so many toys and treats that I felt like the luckiest dog on Earth! I even got gifts from several of my doggy pals who live in other states! I had meant to share my letter to Santa Paws with all my readers before Christmas, but my secretary hasn't been doing her job on the computer much lately. You know how the humans are: their priorities are always stupid. My human actually put doing "holiday" stuff above typing my blog. Yes, I know it is ridiculous, but what is a dog going to do? Pay someone to do my secretarial work for me? That would be ridiculous, this dog has better things to do with money than pay a human when I could be using that money to buy dingo bones! Dear Santa Paws, I'd like to thank you for all the wonderful Christmases up until now. You have always come through with wonderful gifts and treats every year. I'm sorry I have neglected to send you a thank you card after each Christmas. It must be depressing to spend so much of your time making toys and delivering them on Christmas Eve, and getting all the letters asking you to bring stuff, and then so few follow through with a thank you card. I know you don't expect much from the humans, but I'm sure you must be disappointed when a dog forgets to follow through with a card or letter of appreciation. We dogs are much more polite than the humans! I'm sure you will bring me lots of nice stuff for Christmas, and I know my humans will give me lots and lots of stuff too so there is no need to ask for specific items. It would make me very happy if you could bring some of my potential gifts to dogs who don't have humans to watch out for them. I am 10 years old now so I'm not a puppy anymore. I am healthy, and plan to spend many more years with my humans and my fellow dog, Angel Zoom Smokey. However, since I am happy and have been blessed with humans I love and humans who love me, I would be happy if you would bring some of the toys you had planned to give to me, and give them to some dog whose life has not been as blessed as mine. If you could scout out some homes while you are delivering gifts and see which ones could use a dog, that would also be very helpful. I hate the thought of so many dogs not having good homes where they can be happy and enjoy the ultimate of dogdom-humans who love them! Thanks in advance for all the wonderful things you have given me this year. Love, Demon Flash Bandit

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Phil Robertson Being Replaced by Scrooge McDuck

Since writing my blog yesterday on the suspension of Phil Robertson on the television program, Duck Dynasty, the network has announced that they have found a replacement for Phil. They think his replacement will solve all the controversy on the subject. The replacement for Phil Robertson is (drum roll please) Scrooge McDuck. I've got to admit that he is perfect for the role. He already has the "duck" name, he is already rich, he is old enough to be the family patriarch. and he has been a media star far longer than the family on Duck Dynasty. The only thing that he has to do is grow his head fur longer, and grow a beard which is remarkably easy for him. A couple of days without a shave, and he is well on the way to looking like Phil. He will also be wearing camoflage clothing so I personally am looking forward to the replacement since I think Scrooge is going to add a whole new twist to the program. I'm not sure how Miss Kay will feel about it, but whatever she feels, she and the rest of the family will need to show "unity" on the subject. I can't wait to see him replace Phil on the Duck Dynasty merchandise. I bet the merchandise will sell even better with Scrooge McDuck on it! I'm glad to see that the "controversy" is over, and the show can return to hunt ducks and blow up dams. The ducks and beavers are really mad about that! Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Phil Robertson's Replacement)

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Ducks and Beavers Not Fond of Duck Dynasty

According to the news, Phil Robertson who is part of the reality show, Duck Dynasty has been banned from future shows due to comments he made regarding people who are gay. I have been wondering when the station that carries the show would finally give in to the protests regarding the show. They have managed to keep the protests quiet; but believe me, there have been protests. First of all, there are the ducks who live in the area where the Robertsons live. The ducks are not pleased that they are constantly being shot at by the humans at Duck Dynasty. They have been holding signs and protesting ever since the show first aired. They are constantly quacking about how they do not enjoy being dinner for the humans. There have also been daily protests by the beavers who are mad that the humans on the show are always blowing up their dams. The beavers work hard building a dam, and then the humans come and make a mess of it. It is frustrating for them, and they feel that the humans are being encouraged to blow up their dams by putting them on the show. I can't even tell you how many other animals (from frogs to deer) have been protesting against the show on a daily basis. You would think that it would be enough to get the studio to pay attention. I think it is a shame that the humans never pay attention until other humans start complaining. I don't really mind having Phil on the show, and I suspect that he will be back. Let's just hope that when he does come back, the studio will tell him to quit going after the animals around him. Those animals are tired of being shot at, and having their handiwork blown up. Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Phil Robertson)

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Winning the Lottery Jackpot is Easy

The new Mega Millions lottery jackpot is up to 586 million dollars. As a general rule, I don't buy lottery tickets, but when the jackpot gets that high, this dog will make the occasional purchase. Sure, the odds are against you, but just think about how nice it would be to win so much! You can buy a whole lot of dingo bones with 586 million dollars. I have my own system which is sure to win. I am going to buy my ticket after the drawing so I can choose the right numbers. Then it is simply a matter of showing up at the lottery office to claim the prize. I'm sure one of the dogs reading this is going to say that the lottery office won't honor the ticket because of the date. but the lottery is run by humans-not dogs, and all us dogs know how stupid the humans are. I'm sure they would never think to check the date. In fact, I'm surprised the humans haven't thought of doing it themselves; but again, they are human and that keeps them from creative thinking. I might also invent a time machine so that I can go back in time to the day before the lottery is chosen, and play the winning numbers. With strategies like those two, I'm amazed more humans haven't won the lottery. It must be difficult being a human. Most of them go to work so that they can feed their dogs, but at least they get the privilege of picking up our poop when they get home. I guess they are luckier than I realized! Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Plans to Win the Lottery)

Monday, December 16, 2013

Birds Should be Nestless

I'm sure that the dogs reading this will want to know my latest twist in my personal war on birds. I recently learned that birds like to incorporate all sorts of things into their nests which includes doggy fur. As a Siberian husky, I am blessed with far more fur than I need, and I live inside so it isn't like I need the fur to stay warm. In fact, I have recently shed enough fur that my humans are wondering how I have any left (yet I do). Therefore, I plan to use this spare fur as ammunition in my ongoing war on birds. I am going to make nests for the birds using some of the excess fur. This is a wise plan because the humans who see me building those nests will think that I am a sweet dog (which I am) because I am watching out for my "feathered friends" (sickening thought, isn't it?). Meanwhile I will be selling these nests which has the added benefit of giving me money for my favorite dingo bone treats. If you haven't tried dingo brand bones, you should. They are delicious! Anywhat, (any dog can say anywho--I like to be creative)the genius portion of my plan is that I will "finance" these nests and make the "reasonable" payments very affordable (if the bird is a billionaire). When the bird gets behind on their payments, then this dog will foreclose leaving the bird nestless. Meanwhile I can resell the nest to another stupid bird. It should not be too hard to fool the birds since they have bird brains in their bird heads! I can't take full credit for this idea. The humans do it, but it is usually something called a bank to which they owe the money. Banks foreclose on houses when the owner doesn't pay. I wonder....are the banks waging war against the humans and if so, are they owned by birds? But I digest (preferably a bird), the only problem with my plan is what will happen if the birds can continue making their payments. It isn't like I want to be some bird's landlord and have the bird calling me up in the middle of a good nap (which could be anytime), telling me to come over because they want to remodel the nest. The last thing a dog wants to hear from a bird is complaints. If you ask my opinion, the only one who should be complaining is a dog. The dog risks getting hit by a "bird bomb" whenever he is outside, and that same dog can hear the bird "singing" stupid songs all day. Believe me. the songs are stupid. I happen to speak "bird". Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing "Nestless" Bird Plan)

Friday, December 13, 2013

Walmart Declares War

In keeping with their annual holiday tradition, Walmart has announced its new adversary in its war on other businesses. Usually it is Amazon, but since that is getting a bit boring, the wise humans running Walmart have decided to go another route this year. They have declared war on the movie studios. Yes, Walmart has decided to get into the entertainment industry. I think this is a natural progression since Walmart can be a very entertaining place to shop. I think this should have the movie studios scared out of their wits (if they have wits) because Walmart is already a very entertaining place to shop what with all the interesting customers that they seem to draw through their doors. It is almost like there is some kind of force field that robs humans of their brains as soon as they enter the lobby of the local Walmart store. Yes, normal humans who can think and are quite normal suddenly become blubbering blobs of stupidity when they get inside the store. I know all the dogs reading this know what I am talking about, and it is sad because humans aren't nearly as smart as us dogs to begin with. The first movie is going to star their favorite spokesman, Larry the Cable Guy who will change his name to Larry the Walmart Shopper. Of course, Larry the Cable Guy is too expensive so they rolled back the price they were willing to pay and hired an illegal alien Larry the Cable Guy impersonator for the part. This movie is going to have a budget of $5,000, and they would appreciate it if the humans would go to Kickstarter to give them the funding for this project. We wouldn't want them to take a chance on losing so much money, would we? If they lose money like that, they might have to start shopping at their own stores, and that would be tragic for them since they would lose their brains as soon as they walk into the lobby. There is no way around that. Einstein would have become stupid if he had shopped at Walmart, but it would explain his weird hairstyle. Many Walmart customers don't seem to have any fashion sense whatsoever. Demon Flash Bandit (Walmart Declares War Again)

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Dogs Who Hoard Treasures

I am so pleased to be featured in a new reality show on the Dog Planet channel entitled, Doggie Hoarders: "Dogs Who Have Treasures Stashed". How did I receive this high honor? I received it because I deserved it! Since I was a wee puppy, I have been hoarding important stuff all over the house. My latest stash includes a box of Ding Dongs that are at least 7 months old. Sure, I could have been impatient and eaten them immediately. However, as any dog can tell you, food is always more delicious if you allow it to age. To get maximum flavor from ding dongs, ho hos, cupcakes or twinkies, they need at least 3 months after the "best eaten by date" before eating and every day that passes beyond that point just makes them better. The big difference in the reality show involving doggy hoarders versus human hoarders is that the dogs watching the show admire the hoarders. The humans are idiots who think the hoarders are crazy or bordering on crazy. It is ridiculous when you think about it. The humans who hoard are not encouraged to do so even though they are less wasteful and more interesting than the non-hoarding humans. Have you ever been inside a house of one of those obsessively clean humans? Talk about boring: their houses are not only boring, but downright annoying. A dog can't find anything fun to chew on or play with in those houses that the humans won't be upset about the dog "messing with". This is why it is so important if you want your house to look nice and be interesting to hire a doggy decorator. They are the only decorators that know what they are doing! Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Dog Hoarding)

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

I Will Let You Know What I Enjoy in Life

Just because I'm a Siberian Husky does not mean that I don't enjoy being comfortable. Last night, I left the bedroom, and of course, the door was left open when I came back. The bedroom tends to be warmer than the rest of the house so there was cold air getting through into the room. I was sitting near the door so it was hitting my fur directly which was not comfortable for this dog. What did I do? I did what any sensible dog would do under the circumstances-I cried until one of my humans shut it for me. Then I went back to sleep. This brings me to my topic for today. Why do the humans always think they know what us dogs want to do? Does it ever occur to the humans that just because I have thick fur that can handle cold well does not mean that I enjoy being cold all the time. Also, we huskies are muscular and like to pull things, but does that mean that we love pulling a bunch of fat butt humans around while they sit there and expect us to do all the work? Believe me, no matter what the humans think, we would rather be napping. I get very tired of the human "know it all" types thinking they know what a dog likes to do and they try to think for us. As long as they have the little human size brains, they will never know how us dogs think. We are too smart for the humans. Now let me take a nap, and keep that door closed! Demon Flash Bandit (Humans Have no Clue What Dogs Enjoy)

Monday, December 9, 2013

Cleaning for Christmas!

Christmas will be here soon. I know this because Mommy brought home a tree yesterday. I know that sounds exciting, but the tree isn't real, and to be honest, I don't find the holiday that amusing except for the gifts I get each year. I bet you are wondering what I don't like about Christmas so I will tell you. I don't like the humans cleaning. Yesterday I had to rescue a box of Milkbone Marro Bones that I had in my stash. I'm sure all the dogs reading this know how important a stash is to a dog! When the humans come in with bags of groceries and various household items, a dog is supposed to check out the bags and see if there are any treats that need to be rescued and put into the "stash". When a pet is dependent on humans who are stupid and have such bad memories that they might forget to feed you sometime in the future, a stash is a necessity! Let's be realistic, they might forget where they live in the future, and not make it home for weeks. This is why a dog has to take care of himself when he can! Anyway, I decided I might as well eat the Marro bones while I had them in my mouth carrying them to the bedroom. You carry your snacks to the bedroom, don' you? I shared some with Angel Zoom Smokey (against my will), and there is still about half a box of them left. I guess I'll finish them later tonight! Anyway, that is why I supervise the cleaning. If you don't keep an eye on the humans, you never know what stupid thing they will do next! I must admit that even though a real tree would be a nice item on which to pee, I've heard that water and electricity do not mix. Sure, it would be handy if you needed to execute a bird (and who among us doesn't want to do that), but they are kind of pretty, and Mommy has some new husky ornament this year. I'm sure the tree will look "huskeriffic"! Demon Flash Bandit (Supervising Christmas Clean Up)

Friday, December 6, 2013

Television Review: Mike and Molly: First Season

Today I am going to do a review of a television program called, Mike and Molly--first season. This television show features a truly talented actress named Suzy Q. Suzy Q is so talented, she plays the part of a male named Jim. Not every actress could pull off such a role. Jim (Suzy Q) is one of the most expressive actresses I have watched in a very long time. Jim doesn't even have to say anything--just the look on his (her) face is enough to show the emotions that were intended. For example, in one episode, when Peggy (Jim's human) said that she could save money by buying Jim bargain chow, the look Jim gave Molly was hilarious. You could tell without Jim even uttering a bark that Jim didn't like the bargain chow! If you should decide to buy this season on dvd, be sure and watch the bonus features. There is an interview with Jim (Suzy Q) that makes the entire season worth watching--or should I say that Jim makes the whole show worth watching? In fact, this dog thinks Jim is every viewers' main reason for watching the show. The humans do a good job, but let's face it, the humans aren't dogs so they aren't going to have the amount of talent that a dog has! Demon Flash Bandit (Television Program Review)Te;e

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Demon Flash Bandit Excluded from Wedding!

My brother, Jeff, was best man at his friend's wedding Saturday, and I didn't even get invited to the wedding! Can you believe it? I refused to put my pawtograph on the card for him. If you don't invite this dog to the festivities, this dog does not give a pawtograph on the card. I'm sure the happy couple will wish they had been more thoughtful about inviting a dog once they realize in years to come that my pawtograph would sell on ebay for a lot of money! I have already sold a bandage worn on my paw on ebay. Let's face it, there aren't that many blogging dogs out there, and how many of the ones who are out there blogging have ran for President twice? I don't know why more humans don't include dogs in on their activities. We love to pawty too, and we are much more fun to be around than many of the humans. They didn't include Angel Zoom Smokey either, but I can understand not inviting her. She can be a real pain in the tail. She barks too much, and I've caught her stealing my treats. However, I bet she wasn't included because of her dogness. There is entirely too much prejudice against dogs in our society which is why I keep running for President. It is going to take a dog in high office to stop the discrimination. I do hope that Chris and Tiffany have the best of luck....they'll need it without being able to auction my pawtograph in the future! Demon Flash Bandit (Not Included)