Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Saving for a Rainy Day

As a fiscally responsible dog, I have always prepared for the future.  As you know, anything can happen so it is best to be prepared. During my adventures out in the yard, I often run across treasures.  For example, I have caught 20 mice in the last year.   I tried to catch a squirrel and 3 birds, but they were uncooperative.  I take my treasures to humom who is always thrilled to get them.  I am sure she admires my treasure hunting expertise.  Angel Zoom Smokey doesn't have my hunting skills.
 She has only caught 2 mice.  She is too busy zooming around acting silly to get anything serious done.  I like to put stuff aside for a rainy day because, when it rains, mice seek shelter.  This is because mice don't use umbrellas, and they look silly when they are wet.  Anywoof, I was pleased that humom had deposited my dead mice into my bank account.  Imagine my concern when I told humom I wanted to withdraw a squirrel and 2 mice from  my account.  The squirrel was my interest.  Imagine my anger to discover that my account is empty.  Evidently, banks do not accept mice - dead or alive.  At least that is what they are claiming now.  I know better.  Some CEO has my dead mice on display in his home.  Some of the rich people will even take advantage of a dog.  

Demon Flash Bandit ( Dog Who Was Cheated)

Monday, December 26, 2016

Santa Paws is a Good Dog !

I hope all my readers had a wonderful Christmas.  I am sharing a photo of the puzzle toys Santa Paws left for Angel and me.  I love these toys and the small squeaky toys that a dog can take out and put back in.  😁

The humans got us stuff too, but it is nice that Santa Paws brings something for every dog in the world.  I left him some milkbones  and a Coca Cola.  We had salmon for dinner, and we watched TV while munching on dingo bones we got for Christmas.  We watched Ernest Saves Christmas and Eight Below.  Angel😇 and I😈 got to play outside in the snow!   The humans got some nice stuff too.  Both of my aunts called.   It was a wonderful Christmas for everyone.  I hope yours was nice too.

😈Demon Flash Bandit😈 (Dog)

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Staying Awake for Santa Paws

'Twas the night before Christmas,  and this dog is planning to.stay awake for the visit of Santa Paws.  Humom said I am supposed to be asleep when he comes, but I am sure he wants to meet me.  I am sure he appreciates the extra attention he gets for being included in my blog.  I have been a good boy so I know he is happy with me.  Angel Zoom Smokey is waiting for him too.  I am beginning to feel sleepy.  I will just take a little nap before he arrives.  Angel is snoring already.  I guess we can meet him next year.

Demon Flash Bandit (Waiting)

Friday, December 23, 2016

Hank the Cat Leaving Politocs

Hank the cat has announced his departure from the political arena after his last unsuccessful  senate race.  Although I sympathize with the idea of voting out the humans, dogs know that cats lack the presidentialness of a dog so they are not as good as dogs.  Of course, cats still do a better job than humans, but a squirrel can govern better than the humans.  I assume the reason Trump was voted into office was because he wears that dead squirrel on his head, and the humans think they voted in a squirrel.  If the humans had any sense, they would have voted for me.  I will miss Hank's campaign, and I wish him well.  Maybe he will decide to run again in the future.

Here is the link:

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Hank the Cat)

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

New Christmas Tree

I know all my readers are wondering if the humans have decorated my house yet so here is an update.  The tree is not up yet because I am having a disagreement as to the proper style of decorating.  In case you have to ask, I am right and they have lousy taste.  My humans decided to make life easier this holiday, so they bought a new tree without consulting Angel or me.  I know it is hard to believe that the humans would make an important Christmas decision without our input.  You would think they have more sense.  They got a small tree thinking that it would be quicker and easier to put up.  I am 13 years old so I know that tree is not up to this dog's standards.  Jeff put up the tree, but it has no decorations thanks to yours truly.  I continue to walk up to the tree and knock it over with my paw.  Once I lifted my leg to show my true feelimngs for the tree, but the humans stopped me.  Evidently, artistic expression is not appreciated here in this house.  I hope they give in and put up the normal big tree, but it doesn't look good.  Mommy is really milking this dialysis thing.   At least they won't be down sizing my gifts.  That would be tragic!

Demon Flash Bandit (Decorator Dog)

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

The Perfect Job

I think I have discovered the perfect job for a human.  I saw a photo of the royal castle in Great Britain.  The castle is guarded by several soldiers wearing silly uniforms.  (At least Angel and I think the uniforms are silly).  They spend their day not moving or reacting to anything around them.  Basically, it means their job is to do nothing.  NOTHING!  I have always questioned the intelligence (or lack of ) with the humans.  However, that guard job is a dog' s dream job.  Of course, a dog would be smart enough to lay down and take a nap.

Demon Flash Bandit (Perfect Job)

Monday, December 19, 2016

Do Werewolves Exist?

I am sure that all my readers are familiar with the legends of werewolves.  There have been movies and television shows featuring werewolves.  Although the majority of humans don't believe they exist, some people disagree.  A werewolf is a human who turns into a wolf during a full moon.  Perhaps it is genetic or a curse.  My blog today will check out the accuracy of the stories.   Meanwhile, I'll be setting up a store that carries a new clothing line that will stretch with the change.  It has to be frustrating to have your clothing need replacing so often.  I suppose I can't prove their existence or lack thereof.  Therefore. I will let my readers do their own research, and draw their own conclusions.  I don't like to do research anyway.  I have to admit that there is something noble about humans trying to be wolves.  I wonder if there are humans trying to be dogs.  That would be a fun human to meet.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog)

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Christmas Decorating

'Twas a week before Christmas and the humans were being lazy.   The house was not decorated for Santa Paws and the dogs were going crazy.

This is the situation at my house now.  I have seen a box with a tree in it so I am assuming that the humans are planning to get some decorations up before Christmas.  I hope they hop to it because I love this season.  The snow is wonderful, and I get presents.  This is the best time of the year.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Christmas)

Friday, December 16, 2016

Indoor Bathroom

I had to give humom another day off .  Dialysis didn't go well yesterday, and she slept when she got home.  I hope she doesn't keep milking the situation because this dog has important things to say to my readers.

I am a bit worried because the Christmas tree in the living room is not up yet.  I hope they get it up before Santa Paws makes his appearance.  My humans have a fake  tree.  I would
 prefer a teal tree because a dog likes to have an indoor bathroom.  Our tree is not even worthy of my pee. Mommy actually special ordered the tree  because she wanted a large tree with lights.  We have lots of trees that she could have used in the yard and they are free.    It would alslo keep the squirrel population down. Those varmints are everywhere!   So many squirrels, so little time to eat them.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Talking About Trees)

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Uncle Milty is an Ant Farmer

Evidently, I have an uncle and I was unaware of his connection   to me.  He is uncle Milty, and he has a career as an ant farmer.
I assume he is on the human side of my family  because I can't imagine a dog as an ant farmer.  What is the point of ant farming?  I have seen ants in my yard, and I am not impressed with them.  If you ask me, they are useless bugs which are  not much better than fleas, and I despise fleas.  Ants are incapable of useful activities.  For example, carpenter ants have no building skills.  Have you ever seen a house built by a carpenter ant?  I didn't think so.  I have no clue why my uncle is dedicating his life's work to a bug, but I also don't understand why humans choose to work when they could stay home with their dog.
 I haven't met him, but I am sending Christmas gifts for his ants..  I am sending tiny pieces of thread for them to use as scarves.  Uncle Milty should be happy that his ants will stay warm.

Demon Flash Bandit (City Dog)

Monday, December 12, 2016

Names Matter

We are having delightful weather here in lower Michigan!  My prayers were answered.  Schools closed so I assume a lot of children were also praying for snow along with me. A Delta plane skidded on the runway at Detroit Metro airport.  As I said, delightful.  Angel and I built a snowdog in the front yard.  Some people build a snowman, but dogs know a snowdog is always better.  One of the houses in the past built a giant snow bunny.  The squirrels were amazed.

I was doing some serious meditating today.  Yes , I meditate.  Most of the time, when I meditate, I usually think about places where humom would store my treats.  However, today I was thinking about gremlins and stupidity in manufacturers brand names.  During World War 2, when a machine gave trouble, the guys would say it was caused by gremlins.  What genius at American Motors Co. came up with the name, Gremlin, for one of their cars.  My aunt had one and humom said it well named. It should come as no surprise to dogs reading this.  The company has not been I'm business for decades.  Since the movie, Gremlins was released, you don't see a lot of products named Gremlin anymore.  I hope everyone has a nice gremlin free day!

Demon Flash Bandit (Names Matter!)

I Am Not Santa Paws

Humom hasn't been feeling good for a couple of days.  Being the magnificent dog that I am, I told her she could take a couple of days off from typing my blog.  Of course, I can't allow her to become spoiled so she is back on the job.  My blog is not going to type itself.

I have read that some people get depressed at Christmas.  I happen to look forward to the season so I had a hard time understanding how anyone could be unhappy because of it.  However, after Mommy discovered that Amazon has Santa suits in my size, I am now depressed.  Of course I would look cute in a  costume , but I look even better without one.  Why doesn't Amazon just stick with selling dog food and treats?  I am going to request that Santa Paws  bring the folks running Amazon coal for Christmas.  That is what they deserve for selling dog costumes.  I will admit that I loved the cat in a Santa suit.  It is okay to sell cat costumes.  Cats love to amuse the humans.

Demon Flash Bandit (Just Say No To Costumes)

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

I Am Watching the Grinch

Jeff brought up a 5 foot tall animated Grinch, and put it in the living room.  This worries me because the Christmas tree is not up yet so I am worried that the Grinch is planning to steal our Christmas before it arrives.  By the way, for those of you on the metric system, you are on your own with the conversion.

 Anywhat,  I did not approve of his treatment of his dog, Max.  He dressed Max in reindeer antlers, and made him pull his loot.  Thus  making Max an accessory to theft.  Max could have went to jail for helping.  I think Max should have turned the Grinch into the authorities.  I make it a point NOT to hang out with green people. Blue people are okay.  I learned that fact from watching Avatar

Demon Flash Bandit (Doesn't Trust the Grinch)

Monday, December 5, 2016

Blog not Written by Angel Zoom Smokey

As usual, I, Demon Flash Bandit, am writing this blog as I do every day.  Angel Zoom Smokey did not confiscate my site.  I must admit thst I don't talk about Angel enough.  She is so womfetrful that I can't complimrnt het enough.  Here is her letter to Santa Paws.

Dear Santa Paws,

This is your favorite dog, Angel Zoom Smokey.  My list is simple.  You can leave me 1 million dollars in either cash, check, all major  charge cards, money order or paypal.  Thanks to your generosity, Christmas is my favorite holiday.  Give Mrs. paws  a hug from me.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Not Angel Zoom Smokey)

Sunday, December 4, 2016

2016 Letter to Santa Paws

It is time for my annual letter to Santa Paws which I always share with my readers.   I have to make sure the Christmas dude knows what I want.  Here it is:

Dear Santa Paws,

As you know, I have been a good boy as usual.  I know there are a lot of dogs on your list.  Therefore, I will keep it short.

Bacon (it is on every dog's list), Dingo bones, rawhide bones, puzzle toys, milkbones,  dog yogurt drops, and basically most dog treats (NO LIVER FLAVOR).  I know you have limited time so a gift card for $10,000 will be okay.  My humans can take me to Petsmart, and I can buy the things myself.  Angel Zoom Smokey has not been a good girl so I am the only dog in this house who should get gifts.  However, you can bring her a stick.  She loves sticks.
I also hope that you can find families for the dogs who need them.  Thank you in advance and merry Christmas.


Demon Flash Bandit (Good Dog)

Message from Yoda

Finally, my warnings about the evils of birds has been noticed by a celebrity, Yoda.  Yoda has made a video about being attacked by seagulls.  Yoda has the power of the force to fight birds.  I hope he will use it to solve the bird problem.  I am sharing the (Seagulls. Stop it Now:

Now Yoda is one of my heroes.  I have a new hope.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Information)

Friday, December 2, 2016

I Want a new election.

Yesterday was the first day my mom went for dialysis at the  new place.  She had to be there at 6:00 AM so I was woke up early.  I am a not a morning dog, and I got woke up at 5:00 AM.  I am not supposed to wake until noon. Yeah,  I didn't think anyone got up at that time.  Stupid humans:  no one should be up at that hour.  I bet they get up for that stupid concept called work.  Believe me, a dog would not have envisioned such a silly idea.  This is why humans are so tired.  Dogs know how to avoid work and nap.  We get our rest.  Now that I am done complaining, I will add that if it keeps humom around, I will put up with it.

I am still wondering why I wasn't elected as president, and I want the election done over.   I have heard that many dogs were turned away from the polls and not allowed to vote.  The only dogs that were allowed into the voting booth were service dogs, and most dogs are not service dogs.  How could either of the humans win  when there was no specific bird policy mentioned? Birds are the main issue in today's world.

I hope all my readers are having a wonderful day.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog)

Thursday, December 1, 2016

I Am a Doctor

There was great joy in my house yesterday.  Humom came home after a 3 month absence.   I am so happy I could kiss a cat.  Mommy ordered Angel and me almond chicken from the Chinese restaurant for dinner.   Life is getting back to normal again.  Humom has oxygen now, and a bunch of medical people will be coming to visit.  I see no need for them when I am a doctor, and Angel is Nurse Jane Fuzzybutt.  We have been taking good care of mom for years.  Mom said she has to humor the medical people because they went to college to do their jobs so I will allow it.  All dogs know that you have to humor the humans.  However I plan to make sure they didn't go to the electoral college.  If so, I will tell them to leave.

Demon Flash Bandit (Doctor Demon)