Friday, June 30, 2017

Flowers for Humom

Another day another blog entry.  Today I am writing a sugary sappy sweet blog.  Diabetics:  be warned.  I went out for a walky and I wanted to do something  nice for humom.  She doesn't get out much except for her trips to dialysis.  From what I have overheard about that,  she does not have a good time there.  One of the nurses at dialysis gave humom a lovely bouquet and it made her happy.  I also remember hudad buying her flowers.
Lucky for me, there are yellow flowers that I have seen on my walkys.  I stopped for a minute to break the stem with my teeth.  I carried it home in my mouth and gave it to humom.  She was so pleased, and she thanked me for bringing her such a nice gift.  She said it was the most beautiful dandelion she has ever seen.  I didn't realize I brought her the king of the flowers.  I am glad I made her happy.  I love humom, and I am a good boy.

Demon Flash Bandit

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

We love Johnny Depp Here

Angel Zoom Smokey and humom want to state that both of them are still  fans of Johnny Depp.  He is not a washed up loser.  He has more talent in his thumb than president whose name I will not say has in his entire body.  Obviously Depp has no plans to hurt president no name who is surrounded by secret service body guards.  Likewise, Depp is surrounded by fans.  I have no idea how much a bullet costs, but no name is not worth the cost of a bullet.  I use the words no name because i think he has trademarked his name and this dog isn't planning to be sued by no name.

I have kept quiet until now, but with his overreaction, it is time for me to be honest with my readers.  No name mentioned rigging the election, and he did.  He won because his supporters did not count the dog votes.  I won that election by a landslide.  I am also much nicer.  I do not run around writing nasty things about the humans.  No name cannot be trusted because he has no pets.  I don't know how the humans could vote for a man with no pets.  This proves that I should be President Demon Flash Bandit.

Demon Flash Bandit

Monday, June 26, 2017

No Ugly Dogs

Congratulations to Martha, the Neapolitan Mastiff that was named Ugliest Dog of 2017.  The contest is held yearly at a fair in California.  Of course, there are no igly dogs.  It is one of those ironic names the humans like to bestow on other humans and pets.  My first name, Demon is ironic because I am a good boy.  On the other paw, so is Angel:s name.  Since she reads my blog, that is all I am going to say about ANGEL.

My town celebrated the annual Balloonfest this weekend.  It does look nice when all the hot air  balloons are released. There are other activities to do on the grounds.  I stayed home with humom who can't go to events like that.  My brother, Jeff went, and he had a good time.  That makes me think of the people who say, a good time was had by all.  This  is never true unless it is a small group of humans.  I don't care how much fun an event can be for its guests, there will always be that one human who will never have a good time. Those are the humans who have dedicated their lives to the pursuit of depression.  Humans are an odd group.

My neck is better.  Thank you for all your prayers and positive energy.

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, June 23, 2017

Movie Review and Bacon

When you enter a theater, the aroma of popcorn permeates the air.  Even the humans with their inferior odor receptors (they call them noses) can smell the popcorn.  Many  theaters no longer draw the crowds that they once enjoyed. To be realistic, the potential theater audience has dwindled  due to the wide amount of choices of entertainment enjoyed by the modern audience.  In order for the theaters to keep their doors open, I can offer a way to bring in the crowds once again. The answer is as plain as thr semi useless nose on the human:s face.  The concession stand should sell bacon.  The smell of bacon is the sweetest smell in dogdom.  Even the humans like to smell it.  Imagine sitting and watching a movie while eating bacon?  The theater would be packed.  I have decided to do a movie review on an older movie that humom watched recently
This is an unlikely love story between a rich socialite and a poor carpenter with 4 "active" sons and a dog.    In the beginning the socialite  was even more of a diva than Angel Zoom Smokey.  In fact, most people like Angel Zoom Smokey.  No one really liked the socialite  If you are in the mood to watch a light hearted love story, this is a good choice.

Demon Flash Bandit

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Dogtor Visit

Yesterday I went to the dogtor.  I have an infection on my neck.  She gave me medicine, and I should be okay soon.  I also
 have a lump that could be a cyst or a tumor.  I will go back in a month so the dogtor can see if it changes size.  I would appreciate the prayers and positive energy from my readers.  I am tired so I will get back to my regular  informative blogs tomorrow.

Demon Flash Bandit

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Worm Monster

Yesterday I went outside for my walky and I bad barely got out of the house when I saw a monster worm coiled up next to the porch.  He was wearing a fancy outfit and I immediately didn't like him. He had an arrogant aura surrounding him.  I didn't try to smell him up close, but  he had the faint smell of mouse  on his breath.  How dare he come into my territory and eat a mouse. How will humom get her wireless  computer mouse if he is eating them?  When I got back from my walky, I told humom about the giant worm monster.  She said it isn't a giant worm.  It is a snake. She   doesn't like snakes although she thinks the one I saw is nonpoisonous. It is still a good idea to avoid getting close to it.  Angel Zoom Smokey saw it and refused to continue her walky.  The snake offered me an apple, but I declined his offer.  The snake can fool the humans, but dogs aren't fooled easily.

Demon Flash Bandit

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Take a Bite Out of Crime

Many of my readers will recognize McGruff, the crime dog.  He was a dog who campaigned about crime prevention.  He gave instructions on ways to be safer.  The police knew that people listen to dogs because dogs are awesome.  He was in ads and commercials.  He reminded the humans to lock their doors.  I know it is a simple thing, but some humans would leave their doors unlocked.  I like McGruff as do my humsns.  He was s handsome dog, and with his hat and coat  was irresistible to the bitches.  When he travelled, he had to have a decoy to throw   them off course when he was going to kennel  hotel to relax.

Ironically, McGtuff was arrested in 2011 and is presently doing a 16 year stretch in a Texas jail.  Of course it wasn't really McGruff because it was an actor dressed as McGruff.    One measure of celebrity popularity is to have humans imitating you.  I have the same problem which1 I solve with my stunt dog, Phantom Fast Snowman. My lifestyle is not the subject so back to McGruff.  He was brought to justice by a police dog at a routine traffic stop. The authorities got a warrant to search his place.  They found 1000 marijuana plants, 22 weapons, a grenade launcher,and a lot of ammunition.  Perhaps he was planning to fight his own war against crime.  Then I remembered that this was Texas so it was a normal amount of weapons.  I think the reason he is in jail is because it is against the law to impersonate a dog without permission from the Council of dogs.  Remember:  Take a bite out of crime.

Demon Flash Bandit

Wireless Micet

My humom bought a new desk top computer.  Her laptop died, and William talked her into getting a desk top. He hooked it up to the television to create a media center.  Now humom needs to get a wireless keyboard and mouse.  Humom can't get around good so she can't use the wired one that came with the computer. My humans just throw the money away.  I can't believe they would spend money on a wireless mouse when I have seen wireless mice running around outside.  In my continuing mission to help my humans, I went outside to find a mouse. The mice must have been warned because I couldn't smell any in the yard so I  asked some chipmunks, but I couldn't use any torture to get them to sing about the mice. Besides. I got sidetracked listening to them sing They are almost as good as Alvin and the Chipmunks.  By the wsy  Alvin is also a chipmumk.  After the musical interlude, it was time to go back inside. Next time I go out, I am going to ask the beavers.  I don't ask the squirrels becaise they ate forgetful.  They can never remember where they put their scorns.  I wonder how they have survived as a species  Forgetting is not goof for survival.

Demon Flash Bandit

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

I Miss Dogster

Dogster was a great site for dogs and their humans.   I met many of my followers on that site. It was only for dogs.  We had our own pawmail and we  wrote our diaries and made friends.  I was often  chosen as a diary pick of the day.  This was before Facebook.  I joined the group when I was a wee puppy.  Angel joined it too when humom brought her   home.  When FB was invented, the humans started getting on it and they took  up  their dogs computer time.  Dogster magazine bought the site and didn't want a dogs input. Many humans go on FB, and I am going to share some fB entries.  The names have been changed to protect the boring.

Jill: I slept late today.
David:  I am at work?
Cynthia: I see a bird.
Forward:  shared by Mary: Old  people have lived a long time.  If you don't share this, you will go to FB jail.
Lynn:  I am at the store.  I can't decide whether to buy lage or xl. Eggs.
Lucy:  buy the xlarge.  I got 2 dozen  yesterday.
John: zMy pencil broke
Sally:  I am at the  Walmart. 🍉
Debbie;   love watching the grandchildren. The little darlings just broke a window
July: .  💡
Vera:  I am getting  guzzied up to go to church.
Betty;  Chicken gizzatds are 30c cents a pound at Piggly Wiggly?

  • Humans are boring.  

Demon Flash Bandit.

Monday, June 12, 2017

Rock a bye baby in the tree top
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.

When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall
And down will come baby. Cradle and all.

Unbelievable!    Humans sing this song to their babies to put them to sleep.  It is a well known lullaby that is used as music in a lot of baby items. Then they wonder why their childten grow into adults who take antianxiety medication and possibly psychiatric therapy as adults.  Have the  humans paid attention to the words? The human mother is putting "her baby:s bed on a branch of a tree so that a gentle breeze  can  rock the baby to sleep. I can understand this because when this rhyme was ,written rocking chairs  and swings had not been invent.  However for a branch to break, the wind had to turn into  a storm, the baby was too big,or both.  I think if her behavior was noticed, Social Services would take the baby.

A mommy dog would never put a puppy in a tree.  A mother dog has more sense than that.  Additionally She would not put a puppy  in a tree  filled with squirrels and birds could be near that precious puppy..  Human moms could learn a lot from  dog moms.  Dogs love their puppies unconditionally.  In fact, the humans can learn many life lessons from dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, June 9, 2017

Annoying News

Ordinarily I don't pay attention to singing raisins, bit there are times to pay attention.  Case in point, last night I was relaxing enjoying an evening listening to high brow Alvin and the Chipmunks music when I heard a new song.  The California Raisins sang their latest hit single, "I heard it through the grape vine Dog Dentists make dog's teeth fine".  I didn't say it was a good song.  It did contain important information.  Doggy dentists exist!  Why?  Why?  Humans don't like dentists.  I checked the Internet, and there are 5 in my area.  I am sure some of the humans will think it is wonderful, but they re the brain damaged humans who
like to go to the dentist.   My advice is to have a bad tooth pulled and quit bugging a dog with root canals or crowns.  At least there aren't any doggy orthodontists.  Braces are for humans -not dogs.  I know the humans mean well and want the best for us.  However, as usual, they are misguided and need to ask us how we feel about doggy dentists.  We don't like them.

Demon Flash Bandit

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

I Think That Every Tree Should Have a Gift Underneath for Me

Why are the trees in my yard so useless?  I water them faithfully every day, and the trees still have no gifts for me.  When the humans bring trees inside, there are always a lot of gifts for Angel and me.  Every day when I water the ones outside, I look for gifts.  So far, there have been no gifts under any of those trees despite them being taller with much more room for gifts.   They  also look plain in comparison to the inside tree. .  I suppose outdoor trees don't feel the need to dress up.

In addition,  I have checked my trees  to see if they have elves, and I haven't found any  Keebler elves baking cookies.  Therefore, I have concluded that  a tree that has gifts or cookies might be  planted with magical seeds.  I need to consult with my neighbour, Jack.  He knows about  magical seeds.   seeds.  He started his collection by growing a beanstalk.  I will keep you informed on how my search goes .

Demon Flash Bandit

Monday, June 5, 2017

Letter to Whirlpool

A couple off days ago. I mentioned that I planned to write a letter to the humans  at Whirlpool.  I think it is only fitting that I share it with my readers.   Here it is:

Dear WhirlPool People:

I know most of your customers are humans, but many of them are dog owners.  Believe me   the humans buy brands based on their dog's opinion.  My humom bought a new Whirlpool refrigerator.  She asked my opinion on which brand to buy.  I told her I did not have an  opinipn.  As a dog, all refrigerators are the same.

If you want to make dogs recommend your brand, you need to make the appliance dog friendly.  The doors should be designed so a paw can open it.  You would be
 the first company to make a dog friendly refrigerator

Thank you,


Garage Sales

The nice thing about summer is that the humans have garage sales.  Dogs, don't start choosing the garage you want  yet. The garage is not for sale.  The humans put the household stuff that they are no longer uing  for sale The humans have no sense at naming things.  That name is false advertising, and they could have legal problems.  I would call it a Surprise Sale because you never know what you will get.  Anywoof, I went to a sale  yesterday.  Yes, I go to see if there is anything a dog would enjoy.  That includes stuff I like to smell.  The sale had the usual stuff - kitchen stuff, clothes, etc.  I was disappointed at first because it was stuff that only a human would buy.  My readers are probably not aware that I collect things that are museum quality.  I get a lot of my treasures from garage sales.   I continued to dig even though I knew it was probably
useless.  I am glad I didn't give up.  I bought the saw that George Washington used to cut  down the cherry tree.  I also cannot tell a lie - it was only 10 milkbones.  I got Abraham Lincoln's hat.  It was 20 milkbones.  Last but not least,  the arrow that killed General Custer at the Battle of the Littlle Big Horn was only  15 milkbones.    I suspect Custer had a  medical problems because the blood on the arrow smells like paint.  I am so pleased.  I wou

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Garbage Day

What is wrong with the humans?  I would suspect that they have brain damage, but then I remember that they don't have a brain that is equivalent with the genius brain of the dog population.  If you are wondering what activity brought on this blog subject, I will explain.

Tomorrow is garbage day.  It happens every week in the civilized world.  Dogs have been barking their disapproval of this ritual since it began.  The humans take this event very seriously.  They buy garbage bags which any dog can tell you are a waste of money.   The reason I am writing about this again is because my past blogs on the subject have not had any effect on the humans.  I am angry because the humans had chicken breasts -the kind with delicious bones.  Since they consider them garbage,  I knew they would throw them away.  To my surprise, they  they did not throw them away.  I heard their evil plan.  They put tihem in the refrigerator until they could take them to the outside garbage.  They should have been deposited in the kitchen garbage.  I get into it on occasion, and chicken bones would be  that occasion.

Humom has a Whirlpool side by side refrigerator so I wrote the Whirlpool humans.  I suggested they make their refrigerators with handles that are easier for a dog to open. I have seen the inside of ,  it and  is full of food.  It would make life easier for the humans.  We can get our own food so the humans don't have to bother with it.

Demon Flash Bandit