Bird Hit Dog--Perfect Job for Demon Flash Bandit

Imagine my interest when I saw that an airport in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, is willing to pay a lot of money for someone who can get rid of birds around the airport. Birds cause a lot of problems for airplanes so they think it is worth paying a "bird killer". As a Siberian Husky, I think Florida is a bit too hot, and they never have any snow, but I could keep the air conditioner going for such a perfect job for me. I like to think of myself as a "bird hit dog". I don't like birds, and I don't trust birds, and I think I could make sure the airport was bird free. I'd like to make the whole planet bird free so it is a job that I would be proud to do. It would also solve that problem of whenever I ask for something cool I see on the Internet that a dog would love to have, my human tells me that I have no money. Recently I wrote a blog about an animated zombie dog that was only $5,700. and I was planning to buy it and use it on Halloween to scare the trick or treaters away from my house. Every year those little deadbeats come by wanting a dog's candy. The humans, being stupid humans, give the children candy that could be eaten by the family dog if the humans had any sense at all. This is why it is great that I can get a job doing what I do best, and get enough money so that a dog can buy whatever he chooses to buy. Asking the humans for money isn't right--dogs should have their own stash of cash. To show that I am not just making this up, here is the link:
http://now.msn.com/you-can-make-dollar76000-a-year-scaring-birds-in-sunny-florida

In the future, I expect that my blogs will be coming to you from Florida.

Demon Flash Bandit (Bird Hit Dog)

Dogs Solve Problems

I read a news item today about a huge Burmese Python that was found in Florida. It seems that Florida has a lot of new "exotic" species thanks to the humans who deal in exotic animals and reptiles. The humans don't seem to have a clue how to deal with this situation, and the new species often threaten the species that are already there. By the way, in my personal opinion, I think all snakes should be killed. I don't like them and I think they are useless creatures-even more useless than birds! As usual, if you want to get something done properly, you have to consult with a dog, and this dog has a solution the problem. All the humans have to do is to tell the new species that they don't belong there and buy them a plane ticket to where they do belong. I'm sure the species would be much happier in their original home, and would welcome the chance to go back there. You would think the humans could come up with solutions on their own, but they have those little human size brains--not big dog size brains. I'm going to take a nap until tomorrow when I might need to solve more of the humans' problems.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Big Brain--Like All Dogs)

Wile E. Coyote Should Not Use Acme Products

Many times in past blogs, I have mentioned that I am not fond of birds. They steal my snow every winter, and when it gets warm, they sing about it. It is bad enough that they are thieves without also bragging about it with their singing. For this reason, I have much sympathy for the cartoon character, Wile E. Coyote. Wile E. is always chasing around a bird named Road Runner, who is a super annoying bird. You can tell he has stolen all of Wile E.'s snow because there is never any snow on the ground which explains why Wile E. hates him so much! Despite Wile E. Coyote being a genius, and the Road Bunner being a bird brain, he never manages to catch that stupid bird. I think this is because he orders his products from Acme, which is clearly a company that does not make good products. I can't tell you have many times Wile E. could have been hurt because of Acme. I think he needs to hire Wile E. Attorney, and sue Acme. I think it is their fault that the evil Road Runner is still on the loose, and a bird who is loose is bad for society!

Demon Flash Bandit (Acme: Don't Order Their Products!)

Car Color On Which Birds Prefer to Poop

Since it is summertime, I am going to write about a subject that is important to many of the humans--and that subject is clean cars. Yes, some of the humans go to a great deal of work and expense to keep their cars clean. This makes them feel good to drive around in a clean car. Do the cars stay clean and who is the major culprit in getting them dirty? This is an important question. I'm sure may of you are thinking, isn't it dirt and dust on the highway causing them to get dirty, Mr. Bandit? Sure, there is dust and occasional dirt that, when wet, becomes mud on the highway that does get a car dirty. However, you can wash a car and leave it sitting in your driveway and it can get dirty thanks to the work of my own personal enemy, the birds!!! Sure, you may not realize that birds are the enemy, but believe me, they are! In fact, some humans did a study to find out whether birds prefer to drop their bird bombs on certain color cars, and they do. They prefer to poop on red cars. I don't know about the rest of you, but I hate seeing bird poop on my car. Sometimes they even go beyond the car. The other day I found bird poop in the chair on the porch that I like to sit on.....they know I hate them, and they were after MY chair. You can sit around thinking birds are okay, but if you do, then you are part of the problem. Birds will continue their bombing missions until a concerted effort by humans, dogs, and cats cause them to stop. Remember, you can do something to stop birds from pooping. Dead birds drop no bombs! Dogs, get to work...you can kill a bird and have a snack at the same time. Just ask cats-they've been doing it for years. For those who would like to read the bird poop on car color story, here is the link:
http://www.autoblog.com/2012/06/21/these-car-colors-attract-the-most-bird-poop/
Thanks for reading, and remember, the birds you kill won't poop on your car!

Demon Flash Bandit (Car Color On Which Birds Prefer to Poop)

Movie Review: Prometheus

Today I am going to do a movie review of Prometheus, which is the reason I did not get to write a blog yesterday. I was busy going to the theatre. Before I get into the movie review, the film company ran this horror movie "short" that has a man and he turns into a bird. My regular readers who know my thoughts on birds, can imagine how scary that was for me. I almost got up and left the theatre, but I stayed because I know how much my readers depend on my movie reviews. Prometheus is the prequel to the movie, Alien, which came out many years ago. It is about a couple of historians and scientists who think that aliens came to Earth years ago, and left an invitation for the humans to come and see them. Personally, I think they were silly because if they had the advanced technology and they had helped to create the humans, you would think they would stop in and see what is going on with them, or maybe they aren't around anymore. Either way, this dog would not waste time and money going to see them. Of course, if the characters in the movie thought that way, there would be no movie so they didn't see it the way I do. Anyway, they made it to the destination, and you'll have to watch the movie to see what happens when they get there. I really don't care if this spoils the movie or not, but I do have to give out one spoiler alert. After all the money, time and trouble to get there, they found that the line in drive thru at McDonalds was even longer than the ones on Earth. All that way for a fast food meal and they still had to wait. This caused a lot of tension among the characters in the movie.

I give this movie a tail wag and a couple of paws up which is about a 6 out of 10 on the human movie scale. Considering that I hated the Alien movie, then that is actually a stellar rating from me. I hope everyone has a nice weekend!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reviewer)

Birds Part in Evolution

Some scientists say that birds evolved from dinosaurs. On the other paw, some of the humans think evolution did not happen and some don't think dinosaurs ever existed. I can only imagine life without birds which would be a utopia. However, since birds do exist, if evolution is correct, then birds are some kind of evil hell spawn, and should be killed. I am ready to do my part to rid the world of the evil birds. I just wish the humans would quit helping them by feeding them. The humans should listen to us dogs when we tell them that birds are evil!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Birds)

Searching for Sesame Street

Birds: are they evil varmints that are trying to take over the world? Yes, of course they are! Do the humans understand their evil plans? No, of course not--they are humans! In fact, one giant bird in particular worries me more than the regular little birds because the humans, from an early age, idolize this bird. The bird is a giant and he is yellow, and he is called...get ready for a totally unimaginative name....Big Bird! I've seen him on t-shirts and there are stuffed toys that look like Big Bird that children are allowed to play with. I can't tell you how upsetting it is for an intelligent dog like myself to see a small human puppy playing with such an evil thing. Of course, they have no idea he is evil. I'm sure he is waiting until the right moment to lead his bird army to take over the planet. I guess us dogs are going to have to take matters into our own paws, and go and get rid of this evil creature. Does anyone know how to get to Sesame Street?

Demon Flash Bandit (Looking for Sesame Street)

A Tail of Dogula!

Once upon a time, there lived a count whose name was Dogula. Dogula was a dogpire which means that he was one of the undead--a dog who would live forever. The only catch was that he could not go out in sunlight, and he could not eat garlic which was okay because he wasn't big on garlic anyway. Dogpires live by sucking the blood out of birds so they are good creatures because they rid the world of evil birds--and all birds are evil. Dogula lived in a castle, and the humans and dogs in the village were all very proud of him for ridding their area of evil birds. Dogula enjoyed a good bone, and he was always watching out for his neighbors. One day, the castle was attacked by a rival country--filled with birds. Dogula managed to win the battle, and there was peace and happiness in his kingdom from that time until now. Dogula was truly a good dog and a great leader!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogula--Good Dog)

Birds Causing Problems for Kentucky Town

LaGrange, Kentucky--a town that is being overrun by black birds. The birds are causing many problems there including possible illness and respiratory problems for the residents. Many of the residents are carrying umbrellas with them to keep from being hit by the bird poop which is an inevitable part of having so many birds fly over an area. Is this just an isolated incident? I think not. I have been warning the humans of the evil plans of birds since I was a puppy. Birds cannot be trusted and they are trying to take over the planet. Even cats don't trust them, and cats aren't nearly as smart as us dogs! I hope that this town will serve as a warning to the rest of the humans---do something to stop the birds before it is too late. We dogs and cats have been doing our part, and now it is time for the humans to step up and do their part. Birds are evil and should not be allowed to live!! Here is the news article that you can read for yourself.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/26/birds-invade-town_n_1233709.html


Demon Flash Bandit (Birds Attacking Kentucky Town)

Birds: Get Out of Town!

Once upon a time.....yeah, this is a fairy tale. If it were a more modern tale, it would more likely start....this happened awhile back. Once upon a time, there was a town that was overrun by birds. Everyone should be aware that birds are evil (particularly if they read my blog). The town's leaders got together to try to decide what to do to get rid of the evil birds. There were many ideas from poison birdseed which could kill other animals to shooting them, but that would involve everyone carrying a gun. Then one of the leaders remembered that he had read a news story about a dog--a Siberian Husky-who hated birds and could get rid of all of them just by playing music. You may have guessed that this is where I come into the story. This is not just a fairy tale because this is a true story. I happen to play a mean flute, and I have the ability to have birds follow me wherever I want them to go. I took the job, and made an arrangement with some hungry cats to be waiting where I would bring all the birds. The cats were thrilled by this arrangement because cats love to eat birds! I did just as I promised, and all the birds were eaten by the cats so that the town was bird free. When I showed up to get my pay, the city leaders decided to stiff me on the pay and did not come through with the necessary money. I'm sure many of you are thinking that I would get out my flute, and lead all the children out of town. However, I observed that leading the children out of town would make life way too easy on the adults of the town so I left the kids and the cats paid me for the feast they enjoyed. The moral of this story is that Demon Flash Bandit hates birds!

Demon Flash Bandit (The Pied Piper Husky)

Tin Tin: Movie Review

I was pleased to be asked to review this film for my readers. As usual, the theatre was a pleasant experience, and I enjoyed the snacks during the movie. The movie I saw was Tin Tin. This is the story of a young dog, Snowy, who belongs to a journalist named Tin Tin. The humans may think Tin Tin is the star, but they would be wrong, as usual. Tin Tin buys a model ship from a dealer who has items from an estate owned by an old sea captain. This starts him on an adventure because there are others who want the model. The model is part of a puzzle that leads to a treasure. SPOILER ALERT: A bird works with the villain so be prepared. I wish I had known that an evil bird would be in the movie so I could have prepared myself for its presence. You know how much I hate birds! The dog was cute and brilliant, and deserves an Oscar for his performance. Captain Haddock also deserves to be applauded because most fish are unable to pull off playing a human so well. There is one other scene I need to warn you about. If I had known ahead of time, I would have brought some ear plugs because there is one scene where the lady is howling about something--I can only assume she was dying or something. Snowy had to put his front paws over this ears and hide under a chair while she was screaming. I did the same thing. No dog should be subjected to such hideous noise which was called opera.

All in all, I give this movie my highest award of doggy achievement in the world of cinema which is a 9 out of 10 on the human movie scale.

I hope all of you can see this movie because Snowy is worth watching!

Demon Flash Bandit (Tin Tin Movie Review)

Birds Shopping at Walmart!

Walmart has had quite a few incidents of problems during holiday shopping, but recently a Utah store had a lot of deaths involved with shopping there. It seems a flock of birds heading for Walmart died on the parking lot. Investigators aren't sure what caused the deaths. Perhaps just the idea of having to shop at Wamart made the birds too depressed to continue living. Personally, I find Walmart to be a depressing store in which to shop. However, since we are dealing with birds here, and I think birds are my enemies, Walmart has finally done something right. Perhaps the birds were armed with pepper spray for the shopping trip and accidentally shot themselves in the face with it--they are birds and birds have those little bird brains. Anyway, it is always nice to read about birds dying....it just makes this dog's day!

Demon Flash Bandit (Birds Shopping at Walmart)

My Opinion of Toilet Day

Today is World Toilet Day which shows that the humans will dedicate a day to almost anything. I never thought the humans would like toilets enough to give them their own day yet there is no Demon Flash Bandit Day despite my constant efforts to have a day set aside for me. There isn't even a day set aside for dogs in general. I want to get in touch with whoever is in charge of these kinds of decisions because clearly, they are not doing a good job. What is next? A day for birds, cats and/or fleas? I wonder if tomorrow is toilet paper day since it seems only natural that if toilets have their own day, then toilet paper must be another thing that deserves its own day. Don't get me wrong, I know a lot of dogs who appreciate the nice, cold water in toilets, but they are actually dog watering fountains. The humans have never understood that, and they do disgusting things in a dog's fountain. This is why I have my own watering dish. Until the humans learn that a toilet is a dog's drinking fountain, I think it is best to avoid drinking water out of them. I do wish humans would learn to behave properly. They are often an embarrassment to the family dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Celebrating Toilet Day)

Moths: Working With Birds?

I have written numerous times about birds and their evil plans to take over the planet. However, now I am suspicious that they might be aided in their attempt by another flying creature--moths. Sure, moths are small and they look harmless, but just last night, my fellow dog and adopted sister, Angel Zoom Smokey, was laying on the bed trying to relax. A black moth landed on her nose. Before she could take her paw and hit the moth, he was gone. This brings me to my conclusion. . . . moths are in league with birds. Both fly around bothering people, and both can be annoying. Moths can destroy a wardrobe which makes them very powerful.

I think this is probably why Hollywood made the movie a few years back, The Mothman Prophecies. The movie showed a "Mothman" who showed up before tragedies took place. The movie never really made it clear whether the Mothman was trying to warn the humans or if he was the reason for the tragedy. If moths are in league with birds, I would assume he caused the tragedies.

I might add that this does not apply to the Moth sidekick in The Tick. That moth looks like a rabbit. Therefore, he is okay. Rabbits never bother anyone. . . . their job it to hop around looking cute.

Remember, if you see a moth, get rid of it. There is no need to take chances that it might be out to help the birds take over the planet.

Demon Flash Bandit (Warning About Moths)

Why No Huckleberry Hound Movie?

Since Hollywood loves to remake television shows and movies, this dog is wondering why there is no movie remake of Huckleberry Hound. He was a blue dog who appeared in cartoons in the late 1950s and early 1960s. Yogi got his own movie so you would think that Huckleberry Hound would get the same kind of respect from Hollywood. I liked the Yogi Bear movie. However, humans like dogs more than bears so I think Huckleberry would do equally well at the theatre. He was also a better singer than Yogi Bear. He used to sing Oh My Darling Clementine frequently, but I would not make it a musical because I just don't think Huckleberry Hound would be good as a musical.

I hope that all the people and dogs who were in the path of Hurricane Irene are okay. I think they should rename all hurricanes after birds. They really don't have to change the names, but just put bird in front of it. For example, Irene would be Bird Irene. I suspect that birds probably cause hurricanes just like they cause earthquakes. (I wrote a blog about that a few days ago.) Anyway, I also hope those who have lost electrical power get it returned. How are they supposed to read my blog if there is no power? (Again, the birds do not want the humans reading my blog and warning them about bird treachery.) I hope everyone is having a nice weekend. I'll write more tomorrow.

Demon Flash Bandit (Huckleberry Hound Would Make a Great Movie)

Earthquake Caused By Birds!

An earthquake shook the eastern part of the United States yesterday. I read what the geologists had to say about it. It was a bunch of silly dribble about fault lines which I suspect are called fault lines so the humans will have something on which to blame the earthquake.

Regular Humans:Why did the earthquake happen?
Scientist Human: That line was at fault so we are calling it a "fault line".

It takes a dog to find the real answers which I am going to share in my blog today. The thing that caused the earthquake was the enemy that I am constantly warning about in my blog: BIRDS. Yes, you read correctly. Birds are evil creatures that are trying to take over the planet. Before you say, Demon Flash Bandit, how is this possible, I will explain. There are some species of birds that burrow under the Earth. Among these are puffins, kingfishers, and bee-eaters. These birds got together and decided to stage an all out attack by burrowing together. Thus, they made the Earth move and caused some damage to the Washington Monument in the process. This was a deliberate attack on Washington DC and our memorials. How many times does a dog have to warn the humans about the evil birds before they are eradicated? Some of the humans have some stupid conspriacy ideas to try to explain the earthquakes, but none of them have found the real answer--birds. I hope that this blog wakes the humans up to the treachery of the birds. By the way, if the humans ever listen and decide to eradicate the birds, I hope they will also get rid of their cousins, the fleas. Fleas have no use and should not exist. I've discussed this subject with dogs all over the world and all us dogs hate them. Even the humans aren't fond of them so you know they are really bad. I hope that the birds can be stopped before they take over the planet.

Demon Flash Bandit (Evil Birds Cause Earthquake)

Go Back to Planet Zeeba Where you Belong!

The Weekly World News, which in this dog's opinion, is the most reliable news you can read has recently published an article about how there are "space" alien bases in Antarctica. This alien "invasion" began in October of 2010 and will continue until November of 2015, at which point, the aliens from the Planet Zeeba will control Earth. I have no word yet on whether they are in league with the evil birds that I'm always writing about, but it would not surprise me if they were. There might even be a few chipmunks and squirrels in on it, but I can't prove that and I don't want them suing me for slander. Those squirrels have some very good law schools! It does make sense that they would pick a remote place like Antarctica in which to locate their bases. For the most part, not too many humans are there to see what they are up to. However, this dog would be glad to volunteer to go to Antarctica to check out the situation. I happen to love snow, ice, and cold so I would be perfect to go there. I don't even need a winter wardrobe since we sled dogs have nice thick fur that keeps us warm. I have experience as a spy since I've been spying on the birds for years. Yes, they think their plans are safe, but they have no idea that this dog speaks bird and is listening and warning the humans about their activities. I can do the same thing with the space aliens. They would think I'm just a regular dog, and I could infiltrate their base and learn what they are doing there. I can report back to the humans and thwart their evil plans for world domination. You don't have to thank me because I am happy to do it. I am fond of the humans and don't want to see a bunch of space aliens come here who might even prefer cats as pets.

Demon Flash Bandit (Reporting Alien Invasion)

Demon Flash Bandit in 3-D

My humans take my photo with their digital camera and post it on my various sites. The photos of me look okay, but with the advent of 3-D technology, I have been concerned that my viewers are only seeing me in 2-D. Therefore, I told my humans that they need to buy a new camera that will take my photos and that of Angel Zoom Smokey in 3-D so that our viewers can get the real "dog experience". Hollywood has filmed a bird movie (Rio) in 3-D and I won't even tell you my opinion of making a movie about birds. It was supposed to be a family movie, but even Hitchcock knew that if the movie involved birds, it is going to be a horror movie. I know I was too scared to even watch Rio. I think it is horrible for birds to be depicted as sweet, cute creatures. I'm quite sure that Rio must have been written and produced by birds to fool the humans. However, this blog is not about birds or bird movies, it is about seeing me in 3-D which I'm sure all my fans--which I'm quite sure must number in the millions-want. In fact, I'm amazed that one of the camera manufacturers hasn't sent me a 3-D camera free, but I can only assume it is because they don't know my address. In addition to my concern that my viewers aren't seeing me in 3-D, I'm not quite sure what 3-D actually is. I've asked other dogs and they have no idea either. I would ask the humans, but if a dog doesn't know, you know the humans will have no clue to the answer. I'm wondering if the people who see me in person are seeing me in 3-D. I think 3-D stands for 3-Dogs. I can't think of anything better for it to stand for. I suppose that means that whenever a photo is made, 3 dogs are added to the photo. No wonder all the studios are anxious to make movies in 3-D. Having 3 dogs added can only improve a movie!!! Everyone knows that!!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (3-Dog Technology)

Are Dragons Birds?

It is hot here, and it reminds me of the evil treachery of the birds. They steal the snow and make it hot, and they are the ones causing global warming. Yet, they fly around acting innocent. They aren't fooling this dog. I can speak bird. It is important to learn to speak the language of your enemies! This brings up a topic which I have been wondering about a lot. I have never met a dragon, and I assume that they are extinct, but many cultures have talked about them so I'm assuming they aren't mythical characters. Anyway, they had wings and could fly. Does this make them members of the bird family? Personally, I'm glad they are extinct since this dog does not want to meet up with a fire breathing bird. The non fire breathing birds are annoying enough for me.
I am also wondering why there is no bacon delivery service for dogs. I am in the mood for some tasty bacon, and there is no restaurant that will deliver bacon. Sure, you can get a pizza delivered and it can have bacon on it, but I don't want a pizza. I just want the bacon. It is tasty and delicious and a dog enjoys bacon! Also, Oscar Meyer has a hotdogmobile, but no one has ever built a baconmobile. If a car looked like bacon, I bet every dog in the vicinity of that car would be following it. I don't think a dog could resist chasing said car.
I hope my readers are staying cool.
Demon Flash Bandit (Are Dragons Birds?)

Dogs Need Meat!

As a dog, I enjoy eating meat. It is one of my favorite foods next to cookies. You can imagine how I felt when I discovered on the Internet that now some of the humans have decided that dogs can be vegan dogs. I don't know about the rest of you, but I do not think that dogs were meant to be vegetarians. If we were, I would be more fond of vegetables, and I'm not a big fan of them. We are cousins to the wolves, and I haven't noticed our wild cousins showing up to eat at a salad bar. That is because wolves want meat. I might add that the animals that the vegans are so concerned about are usually eating other animals. Let's take the bird for example (I wish someone would take them since they annoy me). An owl is a bird, and he eats rodents, bunnies, small dogs, etc. Does he feel guilty about having dinner? I can guarantee you he does not. I say if a dog eats the owl, then a chihuahua might not be his dinner in the future. Sure, it would be nice if meat grew from a garden, but it does not. I know this because I have tried planting meat and it never grows. You can imagine how disappointed I was when my bed of bacon never materialized. I had my taste buds all ready for a large crop of bacon and I had to do without. It was one of the saddest moments of my life. I know most of the humans aren't vegans, but I have observed that humans are easily influenced. Therefore, if any dogs reading this see their humans bring in a book about a dog being a vegan (yes, there are books on the subject), get rid of that book as quickly as possible. Shred it, eat it, pee on it...whatever you have to do to get rid of it, do it!!! You'll thank me later when you are enjoying a dinner with meat!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Meat)