Searching for Sesame Street

Birds: are they evil varmints that are trying to take over the world? Yes, of course they are! Do the humans understand their evil plans? No, of course not--they are humans! In fact, one giant bird in particular worries me more than the regular little birds because the humans, from an early age, idolize this bird. The bird is a giant and he is yellow, and he is called...get ready for a totally unimaginative name....Big Bird! I've seen him on t-shirts and there are stuffed toys that look like Big Bird that children are allowed to play with. I can't tell you how upsetting it is for an intelligent dog like myself to see a small human puppy playing with such an evil thing. Of course, they have no idea he is evil. I'm sure he is waiting until the right moment to lead his bird army to take over the planet. I guess us dogs are going to have to take matters into our own paws, and go and get rid of this evil creature. Does anyone know how to get to Sesame Street?

Demon Flash Bandit (Looking for Sesame Street)

Barney Banana: One of the Bunch

I have decided to introduce one of my cartoon pals, Barney Banana. Barney Banana used to be one of the bunch. However, he broke away from his pals; and he got his own comic book series. Barney might look like a regular banana what with his yellow peel, and his big smile, but he is not an ordinary banana. He has a regular job as a fruit basket model in art class, but when work is over, he becomes the infamous BananaMan. Whenever there is crime, whenever there is a problem, whenever there is an evil human, Barney is there to use his peel to make them fall. Today I read on the Internet that there is actually a condition known as bananaphobia in which some of the humans are afraid of bananas. After taking a good look at Barney, I don't understand how any of the humans can be afraid of him. He looks nice to me.

A Tail of Dogula!

Once upon a time, there lived a count whose name was Dogula. Dogula was a dogpire which means that he was one of the undead--a dog who would live forever. The only catch was that he could not go out in sunlight, and he could not eat garlic which was okay because he wasn't big on garlic anyway. Dogpires live by sucking the blood out of birds so they are good creatures because they rid the world of evil birds--and all birds are evil. Dogula lived in a castle, and the humans and dogs in the village were all very proud of him for ridding their area of evil birds. Dogula enjoyed a good bone, and he was always watching out for his neighbors. One day, the castle was attacked by a rival country--filled with birds. Dogula managed to win the battle, and there was peace and happiness in his kingdom from that time until now. Dogula was truly a good dog and a great leader!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogula--Good Dog)

Birds Causing Problems for Kentucky Town

LaGrange, Kentucky--a town that is being overrun by black birds. The birds are causing many problems there including possible illness and respiratory problems for the residents. Many of the residents are carrying umbrellas with them to keep from being hit by the bird poop which is an inevitable part of having so many birds fly over an area. Is this just an isolated incident? I think not. I have been warning the humans of the evil plans of birds since I was a puppy. Birds cannot be trusted and they are trying to take over the planet. Even cats don't trust them, and cats aren't nearly as smart as us dogs! I hope that this town will serve as a warning to the rest of the humans---do something to stop the birds before it is too late. We dogs and cats have been doing our part, and now it is time for the humans to step up and do their part. Birds are evil and should not be allowed to live!! Here is the news article that you can read for yourself.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/26/birds-invade-town_n_1233709.html


Demon Flash Bandit (Birds Attacking Kentucky Town)

Earthquake Caused By Birds!

An earthquake shook the eastern part of the United States yesterday. I read what the geologists had to say about it. It was a bunch of silly dribble about fault lines which I suspect are called fault lines so the humans will have something on which to blame the earthquake.

Regular Humans:Why did the earthquake happen?
Scientist Human: That line was at fault so we are calling it a "fault line".

It takes a dog to find the real answers which I am going to share in my blog today. The thing that caused the earthquake was the enemy that I am constantly warning about in my blog: BIRDS. Yes, you read correctly. Birds are evil creatures that are trying to take over the planet. Before you say, Demon Flash Bandit, how is this possible, I will explain. There are some species of birds that burrow under the Earth. Among these are puffins, kingfishers, and bee-eaters. These birds got together and decided to stage an all out attack by burrowing together. Thus, they made the Earth move and caused some damage to the Washington Monument in the process. This was a deliberate attack on Washington DC and our memorials. How many times does a dog have to warn the humans about the evil birds before they are eradicated? Some of the humans have some stupid conspriacy ideas to try to explain the earthquakes, but none of them have found the real answer--birds. I hope that this blog wakes the humans up to the treachery of the birds. By the way, if the humans ever listen and decide to eradicate the birds, I hope they will also get rid of their cousins, the fleas. Fleas have no use and should not exist. I've discussed this subject with dogs all over the world and all us dogs hate them. Even the humans aren't fond of them so you know they are really bad. I hope that the birds can be stopped before they take over the planet.

Demon Flash Bandit (Evil Birds Cause Earthquake)