Big Bird: Not to be Trusted

There is an outlet mall near my house, and there are some of those mechanical rides that entertain children at various spots in the mall. As a whole, I have nothing against these rides except for the one in which the child "rides" with Big Bird. As a dog who does not trust birds, this ride worries me because I think it was placed there by birds to try to win the trust of the humans while they are small, and then they will be in the position to take over the planet once the children grow up. Those humans won't think the birds are evil because they will remember riding with Big Bird--who is actually an evil bird. How can I prove Big Bird is evil? He is a bird, is he not? If that isn't enough proof, I don't know what is. I haven't seen such an obvious trick to poison the minds of young people since Jerry Falwell exposed the purple Teletubby as being gay. How many young minds were corrupted by that horrible Teletubby? Yet, the teletubby is not nearly as bad as Big Bird, who is helping his species take over the planet. It takes a dog to see that Big Bird ride for what it really is: corruption of this country's toddlers. As a show of solidarity with dogs everywhere, I plan to eat chicken for dinner. That will teach those birds!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Big Bird-or Any Bird)

Searching for Sesame Street

Birds: are they evil varmints that are trying to take over the world? Yes, of course they are! Do the humans understand their evil plans? No, of course not--they are humans! In fact, one giant bird in particular worries me more than the regular little birds because the humans, from an early age, idolize this bird. The bird is a giant and he is yellow, and he is called...get ready for a totally unimaginative name....Big Bird! I've seen him on t-shirts and there are stuffed toys that look like Big Bird that children are allowed to play with. I can't tell you how upsetting it is for an intelligent dog like myself to see a small human puppy playing with such an evil thing. Of course, they have no idea he is evil. I'm sure he is waiting until the right moment to lead his bird army to take over the planet. I guess us dogs are going to have to take matters into our own paws, and go and get rid of this evil creature. Does anyone know how to get to Sesame Street?

Demon Flash Bandit (Looking for Sesame Street)