Bird Hit Dog--Perfect Job for Demon Flash Bandit

Imagine my interest when I saw that an airport in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, is willing to pay a lot of money for someone who can get rid of birds around the airport. Birds cause a lot of problems for airplanes so they think it is worth paying a "bird killer". As a Siberian Husky, I think Florida is a bit too hot, and they never have any snow, but I could keep the air conditioner going for such a perfect job for me. I like to think of myself as a "bird hit dog". I don't like birds, and I don't trust birds, and I think I could make sure the airport was bird free. I'd like to make the whole planet bird free so it is a job that I would be proud to do. It would also solve that problem of whenever I ask for something cool I see on the Internet that a dog would love to have, my human tells me that I have no money. Recently I wrote a blog about an animated zombie dog that was only $5,700. and I was planning to buy it and use it on Halloween to scare the trick or treaters away from my house. Every year those little deadbeats come by wanting a dog's candy. The humans, being stupid humans, give the children candy that could be eaten by the family dog if the humans had any sense at all. This is why it is great that I can get a job doing what I do best, and get enough money so that a dog can buy whatever he chooses to buy. Asking the humans for money isn't right--dogs should have their own stash of cash. To show that I am not just making this up, here is the link:
http://now.msn.com/you-can-make-dollar76000-a-year-scaring-birds-in-sunny-florida

In the future, I expect that my blogs will be coming to you from Florida.

Demon Flash Bandit (Bird Hit Dog)

Eight is Too Many and a Dozen is Only for Doughnuts

There were some problems on a recent flight to Los Angeles, California. It turns out that Nadya Suleman (aka Octomom) and Kristen Johnston (actress from Third Rock from the Sun) were on board the same airplane. Suleman had her 12 kids including 8 2 year olds in business class and Johnston was in first class. As anyone who has ever been around a 2 year old would know, they can be very noisy at times, and having that multiplied by 8 can get on adult's nerves very quickly. It can even get on a dog's nerves, and most dogs like children. Johnston asked her to quiet the children and Suleman asked her to help. Eventually, Johnston got off the airplane and did not return. It seems that the airlines are thinking of banning babies from first class, and although it seems a bit mean, I bet incidents like this do not help the babies cause. In addition, Suleman had to insult Johnston. Her big excuse: "I didn't know she was a celebrity." Does it really matter whether she was a celebrity? Suleman has done nothing to make her a celebrity except to have too many children at once. Any idiot can do that. I am very sympathetic to dealing with children. My own human Mommy had 3 sons who are grown now, but too many parents do not want to watch their own children, and some of them can really cause a lot of problems for those around them. Normally, I do not care how many children a person chooses to have, but obviously, 8 children at a time is too many for anyone to deal with which is why Mother Nature does not allow that many children. However, when the human fertility doctors think they know better than Mother Nature, then there are problems. Sure some doggy moms have had more than 8 puppies at once so the humans think they can do it too. They are not dogs and do not have a dog's amazing ability to raise their puppies. There is no way that Nadya Suleman can ever raise her babies properly because she is a human and not a dog. The humans have enough trouble bringing up one baby at a time. Can a dog help it if we are better at most everything than the humans?

Demon Flash Bandit (Eight is too Many)












Demon Flash Bandit (Eight is Too Many)

Corporate Greed--Not Global Concern

Some of the humans are concerned about global warming. This is a serious problem that might be fixed if only they listened to my words of wisdom and eradicated birds from the planet. Those little snow stealing varmints are the reason for global warming. Just think about it, what happens in spring when they start singing? The snow disappears. You don't honestly think it just vanishes, do you? It disappears because the birds steal it. I have mentioned this often, but the word is still not out in the human community. The humans think they can fix the problem by conserving and "going green" which brings me to today's topic. When companies "go green" how many of them are trying to help the planet (which can only be helped by getting rid of birds) or are they just using the whole concept to their advantage? Case in point: some hotels now don't wash the linens everyday because they are doing their part to conserve water and resources. Am I the only dog who thinks that they are being lazy and cheap? By cutting back on employees and the cost of laundering the linens, they save money. I know bedbugs are not caused by a lack of cleanliness, but it is an odd coincidence that when many hotels are not washing their linens as much, you start reading stories on the Internet about hotels having bedbugs? These bugs have all but disappeared for decades, and then suddenly, they are back. You know the bugs are lazy because they hang out in bed all day so getting rid of them shouldn't be that difficult. Probably all you need to do is offer them a job and they will be out of your life. Dirtier linens and possible bed bugs--not exactly a combination that makes a dog want to stay in a hotel.

Another corporate trend in the retail world is self check out in stores. Why would a human want to bother checking himself out so that the store can save money by cutting back on cashiers? It isn't even like they offer you a 1% discount for doing the work yourself or anything. You still pay the normal price, and the prices have not gone down in the stores that have them. The customer just gets the added work of checking out his or her own items. The humans will put up with most anything, won't they? My humans still go to the cashiers to check out. They said they will not be a part of adding more humans to the unemployment line so some family like the ones who own Walmart can buy another airplane. I am very proud of my humans because they think like dogs at times. I have trained them well.

Demon Flash Bandit (Corporate Greed is Not Good)