Talkeetna Alaska Needs Dog Mayor--Not Stubbs the Cat

There is a town in Alaska that has a cat as the mayor. Talkeetna, which I think was the town in the movie Snow Dogs, has a cat named Stubbs as the mayor. Normally I would not mind a cat being the town's mayor except that this town is in Alaska, and as such, should have a dog as a mayor--preferably a Siberian Husky or an Alaskan Malamute. It is an insult to us sled dogs that a town that can use sled dogs has a cat running it. I have nothing against cats, but dogs do not like to be told what to do by a cat. It just is not natural for a cat to tell a dog what to do. If a cat wants to be the mayor of some town in California, I can see that, but you also don't see dogs pulling sleds in Los Angeles--at least not over snow and tundra. I think the people of Talkeetna need to have a recall and make sure a dog is put in as mayor. I would volunteer for the postition myself, but I am already running for President. Besides, I can't imagine my humans ever moving with me to Alaska. My Mommy complains about winter here in Michigan.

Demon Flash Bandit (Alaska Town Needs Dog Mayor)

Knuckles the Dog in Legal Battle

What happens to the family dog when a couple break up? In the case of Knuckles, a dog from New York City, his human daddy, a man named Dershowitz, has taken the case to court to get Knuckles back from his ex. Knuckles human mommy, moved to California and took the dog with her. So far, Dershowitz has spent $60,000 on legal fees to get Knuckles back. I'm sure some of the humans will think that is crazy, but it makes sense to me. I think us dogs are worth far more than that-and it is nice to see humans who recognize that fact. Of course, the mommy says he is doing it because he is mad that she is getting on with her life. I have no idea what the truth is...that is up to a judge to decide, but I do like the idea of humans caring so much for a dog. That makes us dogs feel good. You can read more about this story at:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/14/dog-custody-battle-60000_n_1514337.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Knuckles the Dog In Legal Fight)

A Cow With Anger Issues

There has been a case of mad cow disease diagnosed in California. You don't usually hear of cows with anger issues, but hopefully, with some therapy from a certified bovine psychiatrist, the cow can learn to deal with her anger issues. I'm guessing it will take some time for them to go back into the cow's childhood to discover what emotional issues are causing all the anger. Perhaps she talked to another cow who escaped and headed for a McDonalds drive-thru, and discovered what McDonalds serves in their buns. The link to that story is:
http://now.msn.com/living/0424-cow-goes-to-mcdonalds.aspx
Personally, I think the cow probably headed to McDonalds to grab a milkshake which is much tastier than plain milk, and in the process discovered what is in the hamburgers. Sure, you would think it would be pork since ham is a pork product, but the humans don't call them beefburgers--they call them hamburgers. I have no idea why, but I also don't understand why the humans try to walk on their back paws when walking on all 4 paws makes a lot more sense.

I wonder if that new television program starring Charlie Sheen, Anger Management, might be casting for a mad cow, and the cow is just trying to get a chance to try out for the part. It would be interesting if the show had a cow as a psychiatric patient.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing a Cow With Anger Issues)

Pull that Truck Over---I Want Some Treats!!!

I am excited to write about today's blog topic. This is because I have experienced those times when I think to myself, "I would like to have a delicious treat now". I'm sure I am not the only dog who has had this happen. You are walking your human, and suddenly, the tummy says, "feed me". Sure, you can find some tasty items along the way--maybe a caterpillar or a cigarette butt (both of which the humans won't necessarily approve of you eating). However, wouldn't it be wonderful if you are walking down the street and a dog treat truck pulls up and you can choose between a cornucopia of treats? This isn't happening in my town, but for those lucky dogs living in Los Angeles, California, is could very well happen because there is a business there that has mobile dog treats--yes, a truck full of treats for us dogs!!! I don't know it is was a particularly smart human that thought of the idea or perhaps it was his or her dog. However, the results are what matters, and the result is that dogs in that city can have treats come to them. It is the same concept as the ice cream truck that brings ice cream to the humans (and some very lucky dogs). I am going to share the web address so that you can see the dog treat truck for yourself. Go here:
http://www.petcentric.com/Videos/Video/Snouts-in-Your-Town-Food-Truck-4-Dogs.aspx?videoid=1031129915001&DCMP=EMC-PETC-PETC-Sept11_2
This is a concept that I would like to see all over the country. I would love to try the peanut butter, bacon bones. They sound delicious!!! Be sure and save some money just in case the truck starts showing up in your neighborhood! You'll be glad you did!

Demon Flash Bandit (Fan of Treat Truck)

Fire the Person Who Brought About Power Outage!

Electrical power has been cut off to many people living in the southwest United States. The states affected are New Mexico, Arizona, and California. According to news reports, one person's mistake is responsible for the power outage. Normally, I'm an easy-going dog who understands that anyone can make a mistake. However, in this situation, I think they should find the culprit and fire that person as quickly as possible. There is a good reason for my being tough this time. Many of the humans can't read my blog when they have no power, and my blog is super important for the humans and dogs to read. In fact, I don't know how the humans will survive for a day or two without my words of wisdom. I hope that the power companies will take this seriously, and that other power companies will learn from their example. Being able to read my blog is super important, and it should have a top priority among the humans. Anyone risking that deserves to be fired. In fact, I'm not even sure they should be allowed to run free. Perhaps they should be locked up in prison where they can't do anymore harm.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing the Importance of My Blog)

Eight is Too Many and a Dozen is Only for Doughnuts

There were some problems on a recent flight to Los Angeles, California. It turns out that Nadya Suleman (aka Octomom) and Kristen Johnston (actress from Third Rock from the Sun) were on board the same airplane. Suleman had her 12 kids including 8 2 year olds in business class and Johnston was in first class. As anyone who has ever been around a 2 year old would know, they can be very noisy at times, and having that multiplied by 8 can get on adult's nerves very quickly. It can even get on a dog's nerves, and most dogs like children. Johnston asked her to quiet the children and Suleman asked her to help. Eventually, Johnston got off the airplane and did not return. It seems that the airlines are thinking of banning babies from first class, and although it seems a bit mean, I bet incidents like this do not help the babies cause. In addition, Suleman had to insult Johnston. Her big excuse: "I didn't know she was a celebrity." Does it really matter whether she was a celebrity? Suleman has done nothing to make her a celebrity except to have too many children at once. Any idiot can do that. I am very sympathetic to dealing with children. My own human Mommy had 3 sons who are grown now, but too many parents do not want to watch their own children, and some of them can really cause a lot of problems for those around them. Normally, I do not care how many children a person chooses to have, but obviously, 8 children at a time is too many for anyone to deal with which is why Mother Nature does not allow that many children. However, when the human fertility doctors think they know better than Mother Nature, then there are problems. Sure some doggy moms have had more than 8 puppies at once so the humans think they can do it too. They are not dogs and do not have a dog's amazing ability to raise their puppies. There is no way that Nadya Suleman can ever raise her babies properly because she is a human and not a dog. The humans have enough trouble bringing up one baby at a time. Can a dog help it if we are better at most everything than the humans?

Demon Flash Bandit (Eight is too Many)












Demon Flash Bandit (Eight is Too Many)

Bronx Cobra Found--I Need Her Agent!

Finally, the cobra that escaped from the Bronx Zoo has been found. She was in the Reptile House just as the zoo said--at least that is what they want you to believe. However, judging from all the tweets from the snake, all of us know better. The snake had 200,000 followers before she was found, and I hope she will continue to tweet occasionally because I personally will miss the tweets. I'm sure the snake will have many things to tell us. For example, how does the zoo's menu hold up compared to other zoos? I'm sure other snakes would want to know that in case they ever decide they want to live in a zoo. I am planning to email the snake and ask the name of the snake's agent. I think I need to hire that agent to represent me! Today is April 1, which is the day in which the humans decide to do stupid things. Sadly, dogs know the humans well, and we know they do stupid things everyday. I really don't see why they need to go to any extra trouble one day a year. I guess they want to have one day when they can really get stupid. I saw an item on the Internet about a parade in San Francisco, California dedicated to St. Stupid. I don't know if it is real or an April Fool's Day Joke, but it does seem appropriate that the humans would have a patron saint to stupidity. All us dogs agree that they need one. I hope everyone has a Happy April Fool's Day, and be careful around the humans today. Some of them go a bit crazy with the jokes. Demon Flash Bandit (Wants Snake's Agent)

If Mice Can Drive, So Can Dogs!

I was watching an old movie called Stewart Little, and this dog is angry. It seems that Stewart, who happens to be a mouse, has a car and is able to drive around town. I am a dog who has been wanting my own car and driver's license since I was a puppy. I've been told that dogs aren't given licenses to drive. I wasn't happy about that, but I accepted it---until I saw the movie. Why is a mouse given a driver's license and a car when he is a MOUSE!!!! When did mice become more responsible than dogs? Most humans don't even like to have them around yet they are driving around probably causing accidents. What are the humans thinking giving them licenses? My theory is that Mickey Mouse, who must be quite wealthy by now, is buying off the politicians so that mice can legally drive their little mouse cars. This is yet another case of greedy politicians putting their constituents at risk just so they can get some extra money. I think a judge should subpoena their bank accounts to see if they have deposited a large amount of "unaccounted" for cash in their bank account from a depositor in California or Florida. Yes, we know where the big shot mouse gets his money. Isn't it bad enough that mice can run around Disney's parks and dogs aren't allowed? Mickey, I hope you are reading this because this is one dog that can see through your corruption of the system. I will fight to get you and the rest of the mice off the road and back in the garage and attics where you belong!

Demon Flash Bandit (If Dogs Can't Drive, Neither Should Mice)

Related News Stories

As I was reading the news today, I ran across two items that are related, but I bet the humans, who lack my intelligence, won't see it until I point it out. This is why I'm writing about it on my blog.

First story:
Rush Limbaugh decided to do an impression of the Chinese President, Hu Jintao. Rush doesn't know how to speak Chinese, but that doesn't stop Rush. I think the media is being a bit hard on him because, I'm actually surprised that Rush didn't do something even worse. If he was a stand up comic, I wouldn't think as much about it, but political commentators should try to act a little more diplomatic. At least that is what this dog thinks.

Second story:
Clay Butler, in California is launching some new marijuana soft drinks. The drinks are called, Doc Weed, Sour Diesel, Grape Ape, Orange Kush, and Canna Cola. This dog isn't planning on trying any of them, but I'm sure there are lots of humans who can't wait to sample them.

Relationship Between the News Items:
This dog thinks that Rush Limbaugh has been sampling the marijuana soft drinks, and this would explain the first story. I have proof of this accusation. I have a receipt from Acme, who is carrying the beverages which was given to me by Wile E. Coyote. I might add that it was hard for him to give it to me because that stupid Roadrunner kept causing him problems.

Demon Flash Bandit (The Truth Behind the News)