Detroit, Michigan--Virtual Police Station

Today I am going to share a news article from Detroit, Michigan with my readers. In the future, the city is going to try out the new concept of a "virtual police station". At the moment, this "virtual" police station will have some actual humans working there, but actual humans require actual pay. It won't be long until an accountant tells the city that they can hire virtual workers and save money. This leads me to a whole new situation. If a city is protected by a virtual police force, how long will it take before the criminals decide to go "virtual" too? Let's face it, if criminals were hard workers, they would not be criminals--they would get jobs. Therefore, the idea that eventually, they would decide to start sitting at their computer to commit "virtual crimes" will become a reality. This is important since some of the humans are spending a vast amount of money on "virtual items" which means that everyone will have to be watching their games to report any "virtual crimes" when they happen. Can you imagine how horrible it would be if you don't play Farmville for a couple of weeks and come back to discover all your farm equipment has been stolen? I think this is an alarming trend which should be stopped. Let's tell our local governments that we want real policemen--not virtual policemen--except for traffic cops. Since I haven't got my doggy driver's license yet--I don't want to get in trouble if I take the car for a drive!

Demon Flash Bandit (Real Dog--Not Virtual Dog)

If Mice Can Drive, So Can Dogs!

I was watching an old movie called Stewart Little, and this dog is angry. It seems that Stewart, who happens to be a mouse, has a car and is able to drive around town. I am a dog who has been wanting my own car and driver's license since I was a puppy. I've been told that dogs aren't given licenses to drive. I wasn't happy about that, but I accepted it---until I saw the movie. Why is a mouse given a driver's license and a car when he is a MOUSE!!!! When did mice become more responsible than dogs? Most humans don't even like to have them around yet they are driving around probably causing accidents. What are the humans thinking giving them licenses? My theory is that Mickey Mouse, who must be quite wealthy by now, is buying off the politicians so that mice can legally drive their little mouse cars. This is yet another case of greedy politicians putting their constituents at risk just so they can get some extra money. I think a judge should subpoena their bank accounts to see if they have deposited a large amount of "unaccounted" for cash in their bank account from a depositor in California or Florida. Yes, we know where the big shot mouse gets his money. Isn't it bad enough that mice can run around Disney's parks and dogs aren't allowed? Mickey, I hope you are reading this because this is one dog that can see through your corruption of the system. I will fight to get you and the rest of the mice off the road and back in the garage and attics where you belong!

Demon Flash Bandit (If Dogs Can't Drive, Neither Should Mice)

Demon Flash Bandit: Dog Who Wants a Driver's License

I have a brilliant new plan for getting to drive the car. I know I have mentioned in the past the unfairness of the humans' rule about not allowing dogs to get driver's licenses. I think most dogs would make excellent drivers with the possible exception of small dogs like chihuahuas who aren't big enough to see over the steering wheel. Of course, I can see the humans making small dog accessible cars for them once most dogs start driving. But I digress, the topic of today's blog is my brilliant plan to prove once and for all to the humans that dogs would be great drivers. My plan it to have a bumper sticker made that says "how is my driving?" and put the phone number of the local police department on the bumper sticker. Then I will sneak the car keys from Mommy's purse when she isn't paying attention. When I am out on the road, people will see the bumper sticker and start calling law enforcement to tell them what a good driver I happen to be. Once the police realize how good us dogs can drive, there will be no reason to ban us from getting a driver's license. This plan won't work for cats. Toonses the cat from Saturday Night Live has ruined their reputation for driving. Personally, I think cats are too careless since they know they have so many lives.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants a Driver's License)