Just Say No to Baths!

Once again, it is time to share my words of wisdom with my readers. Today those words of wisdom are of utmost importance. When you go outside when it is raining or snowing, you will get wet. Sure, you can wear a raincoat or you can carry an umbrella, but if you don't do either of those things, you will get wet. I don't happen to mind getting wet due to those conditions, but the bath in the house is a totally different thing. A dog should never get wet from taking a bath. Baths are unnatural for dogs, and I suspect they lead to cleanliness and smelling like flowers. YUCK!!! When I go outside and meet other dogs, I want them to know I'm a dog, and not wonder if I'm a rose or a lilac. Having a wet human touch you is not acceptable either. My humans take showers, and then they think it is perfectly okay to pet the dog. I don't appreciate them getting me wet. The water from the inside is evil, hateful water that can hurt a dog. Water that comes down naturally outside is nice, clean water. The next time you are sitting around the house and the humans decide it is time for you to have a bath, remember these words: Just Say No to Baths. This concludes my doggy public service message for today!

Demon Flash Bandit (Baths Are Bad for Dogs)

Movie Review: The Artist

This is the movie review that everyone has been waiting for me to post--my review of The Artist! Yes, the movie that stars the dog, Uggy. The movie that won an Oscar because of Uggy....this is truly a revolutionary movie. It is revolutionary, not just because it starred a dog, but also because it was a silent movie filmed in black and white. In the future, when you hear of a movie being filmed in black and white that is silent, you will know that the studio has faith in the movie. This is obviously the wave of the future--not more stupid humans talking throughout the movie, except of course, for the two oldsters who did a running commentary throughout the movie in Brighton, Michigan where I saw the movie. Yes, 2 people whose commentary was very important because it only took them an hour to realize it was a silent movie. I suspect that these 2 couldn't resist commenting because of the excitement of seeing a new silent movie when they hadn't seen one since they were middle aged. I might add that the MJR Theatre in Brighton did not disappoint because the orchestra they hired to sit in the front of the theatre while the movie was playing was very cool, and the 6 people that were watching the movie were very impressed with the orchestra. To quote my human brother, Jeff, talkies are dead--shut uppys are the future. Being in his twenties, he was very impressed with the new technology which makes his stupid 3D television in his room look silly by comparison. Jeff did enjoy the movie, but I think it was because of the cool 3D effects in The Artist.

The Artist is a good movie, but it relies on an interesting story which is unusual for Hollywood. The "Artist", George Valentin, is a silent movie star who could not adjust to the talkies, which happened to several big silent movie stars in the past. There was tapdancing in the movie so you know it was a super cool movie--even though they did not have the good sense to have a cane to help with the dancing. There was a lot of cool music like Pennies From Heaven which made me want to get my ukelele out to play along. It is a shame that the humans who wrote that song didn't seem to realize that the song makes God seem cheap....why not dollars from heaven? Dollars also don't hurt when a couple of hundred fall on you. Besides, pennies cost more to mint so it would be cheaper to send down dollars. Evidently, in the early part of the 20th century, the theatres did not have to deal with as many smart alecs as there are now. Of course, back then a penny could also buy things. Now it won't even buy a piece of gum.

Uggy should have gotten top billing because he was the real star. In fact, if not for Uggy, the stupid human would have died before the movie was over. The dog had his work cut out for him watching out for Valentin. Jeff said the title of this movie in a redneck area is "Stupid French Guy Who Can't Speak American Good.

I actually wish I could have recorded the commentary of the 2 humans in Brighton for those who aren't up on their history. When the movie flashed the year of the stock market crash, they said it was the big stock market crash. If you saw this movie without their commentary, you might not have been able to surmise that it was the year of the big crash merely from the newspaper headlines, "stock market crashes". I feel so bad for the humans who don't have intellectuals in the audience to give them these bits of wisdom. I don't know how you could ever watch the movie and understand what is going on unless you have those bits of wisdom.

I give this movie a tail wag, 4 paws up, several kisses, a big hug, and a heartfelt thank you for Uggy from me. I liked this movie very much, and look forward to all the new silent movies that will be forthcoming from the studios. I am hoping for a sequel....maybe when the talkies go from black and white to color. This is a 10 out of 10 on the human movie scale. This is truly a good movie, and I enjoyed it very much!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Review: The Artist)

Birds: Evil Creatures!

I have written many blogs about our evil enemies, the birds. I've said many times that birds are trying to take over the planet, but it seems most of the humans still don't understand. Even cats have discovered how evil birds are and most of them try to eat every bird they see. Finally, I found a site on the Internet that, from what I understand, is written by a human who says that birds are evil. It is so good to find a human who finally understands what dogs like myself keep trying to tell them about birds: they are evil!!! Here is the site so that you can read the words of wisdom for yourself.
http://www.sciencebuzz.org/blog/evil-birds-attack-humans

Demon Flash Bandit (Update on Evil Birds)

I Need My Own Office

I have decided that I need my own desk and computer since I write a blog everyday. In fact, I think I should have an office of my own. Why do the humans think that a dog does not need his own office? What would the humans do without my words of wisdom to help them through the day? I am a celebrity dog, and as such, I think I deserve special things like an office. It is hard work telling the humans what to do. I had to start training my own humans when I was just a wee puppy. If I had not started their training early, they would not have learned to do what I tell them to do. This is a big problem for dogs. Instead of the humans doing tricks, some of the badly trained humans have their dogs doing tricks which is just wrong. Dogs are not supposed to do what the humans tell them to do, but it is the other way around. Even cats know that you don't do what the humans tell you to do, and they are CATS!!! If cats understand this concept, then you would think the humans could understand, but the sad fact is that humans are even dumber than cats! Anyway, I need my own office so that I can continue to write my blog, and not have to share a desk and a computer with the humans in this house. I still don't know why my humans think they have anything useful to do on the computer anyway!

Demon Flash Bandit (I Want My Own Office)

Walmart or Stupidmart?

It comes as no surprise to my humans that, once again, there were people injured at a Walmart location during their after Thanksgiving sales. This year my brothers talked Mommy into going to Walmart to their midnight sale. The Walmart in Howell, MI is not one that is known for violence, and there were no incidents of bodily harm there, but Mommy didn't stay long, and she says she can see why Walmart has so many problems compared to the other stores. She noticed that there were lines for the 32 inch television, the 40 inch television, and the $248.00 computer. If you stood in line long enough, and were lucky, you would to buy the item. One was in the pet section, one was around the crafts, and one was somewhere else--she never quite found out where. She was there almost an hour before the sale started, and she was told by an employee that the items were already sold out---an hour before the sale even began. However, they did not share that information with the people standing in line--Mommy was not in line at the time, but I think that was something that should have been told to everyone in line. Mommy did not stay long-she was not particularly impressed with the sale. Mommy already has a lot of the electronic gadgets, and if she doesn't have them, she doesn't care about having them. She overheard one of the ladies that bought a 32 inch television say (actually, she had 2 in her cart), that she had to wait 3 hours in line to get them. The math doesn't add up for this dog. It sounds like they didn't need to form a line at midnight because they were already gone-before the sale started. This dog thinks that Walmart, although an okay store, is run very stupidly. On the good side, it gave Mommy an excuse not to stay long, and she got out of there as quickly as possible. This is also why she doesn't do a lot of shopping there. Many of their prices were the same as at several other local stores, but those stores were not having people wait in line and were not out of stock. Mommy does not usually go to Walmart much, and she has always avoided it for their after Christmas sales. Now my brothers understand her wisdom. If the humans had listened to me, they would have stayed home and rested. I never underestimate the value of a good nap! Walmart used to be a nice store years ago before they became "super Walmart" which seems to refer to their "super stupidity".

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Walmart)

Demon Flash Bandit

Fire the Person Who Brought About Power Outage!

Electrical power has been cut off to many people living in the southwest United States. The states affected are New Mexico, Arizona, and California. According to news reports, one person's mistake is responsible for the power outage. Normally, I'm an easy-going dog who understands that anyone can make a mistake. However, in this situation, I think they should find the culprit and fire that person as quickly as possible. There is a good reason for my being tough this time. Many of the humans can't read my blog when they have no power, and my blog is super important for the humans and dogs to read. In fact, I don't know how the humans will survive for a day or two without my words of wisdom. I hope that the power companies will take this seriously, and that other power companies will learn from their example. Being able to read my blog is super important, and it should have a top priority among the humans. Anyone risking that deserves to be fired. In fact, I'm not even sure they should be allowed to run free. Perhaps they should be locked up in prison where they can't do anymore harm.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing the Importance of My Blog)

Great Blog Creates Great Responsibility

It always makes me feel good to see the importance of my blog on the world around me. Recently I wrote a blog about No Pants Day. Today I saw an article on the Internet about an attorney in Austria who dropped his pants while his client was being questioned. This happened on April 20 in the hamlet of Mayrhoten and was reported in the Tiroler Tageszetung. It is a shame that the attorney was unidentified, because if I knew his name, I could let him know that No Pants Day doesn't happen until May. He must have been so excited over the upcoming No Pants Day that he started celebrating early. It is also heartwarming to see the day spreading around the world. I wrote a blog about financial zombies, and it is now Zombie Month. I can't tell you how it feels to have the ideas of one dog so quickly incorporated into the humans' lives. It also brings with it a very sobering thought. Very much like Spiderman, with great power comes great responsibility. I hope that I can continue writing this blog and make the world a better, possibly even pantless, place. Perhaps one day the humans will read my blogs about evil birds and realize that birds must die.

With the importance of my blog subject in mind, I have carefully chosen my subject for today. That subject is tennis balls. They are cool because they fit in most dogs' mouths, and they feel fuzzy which makes them feel furry like us dogs. They bounce, and they are lots of fun. Okay, you may have guessed, but tennis balls aren't really the important topic of the day. However, they are fun and deserve to be mentioned. The real topic today is that yesterday was Mother's Day, and in keeping with my blog about Mother's Day being a day to give something special to the family dog or dogs, I got my wish. Mommy brought an entire foot long Angus Subway sandwich just for me. It had provolone cheese and it was delicious! This proves that with great responsibility comes great rewards. Had I not written that blog telling the humans what to do for Mother's Day, my humans would have never figured it out for themselves. Humans just don't have that much brain power. I can only hope that other humans read my blog and got great stuff for their dogs thanks to my wisdom. I have to go now so that I can take a nap. This
"great responsibility" stuff makes a dog tired.

Demon Flash Bandit (With Great Blog Comes Great Responsibility)

Birds Do Not Belong on Tshirts

Birds are evil creatures who cause global warming, and are in a massive plot to take over the planet. Most dogs learn this as puppies. Even most cats know this and want to have birds as snacks. Humans just never seem to learn. It is bad enough that they build birdhouses for them, and set out bird feeders filled with bird seed to "take care of the cute birds". In addition, they have invented a video game called Angry Birds. However, when I saw a tshirt being worn by a human that had the face of an "Angry Bird" on it, I got annoyed. Once again, the humans have not been listening to their dogs wisdom. We tell them to destroy all birds, and they act like birds are harmless little creatures. Now some of them are even wearing tshirts that seem to honor birds. When will the humans listen to their dogs and use some sense?

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Dislikes Birds)