Trongs: For Food That is Paw Licking Good!

I ran across a new product called trongs. The trongs were invented so the humans can eat food that, most of the time, is eaten with fingers, leaving fingers greasy and "dirty". I'm sure the humans will like this product, but as a dog, I don't see the point. I usually just pick up the food in my mouth and my paws stay clean. If the humans could learn to eat that way, they would not need any utensils. Of course, you can't expect the humans to know that because humans aren't as smart as dogs. If I do hold food in my paws, I have no problem with licking my paws. In fact, licking food off of paws is a lot of fun, and enjoyable because a dog gets some extra food. I have often said that some food is paw licking good! I am sure that this product will not sell well among dogs, but I'm sure it will do okay with the humans. Humans--always inventing products that dogs find useless! For those who are interested in this product, here is the link:

http://now.msn.com/learn-how-to-use-trongs-to-eat-your-finger-food-in-this-informercial-viral-video
Demon Flash Bandit (Paw Licking Good)

Just Say No to Baths!

Once again, it is time to share my words of wisdom with my readers. Today those words of wisdom are of utmost importance. When you go outside when it is raining or snowing, you will get wet. Sure, you can wear a raincoat or you can carry an umbrella, but if you don't do either of those things, you will get wet. I don't happen to mind getting wet due to those conditions, but the bath in the house is a totally different thing. A dog should never get wet from taking a bath. Baths are unnatural for dogs, and I suspect they lead to cleanliness and smelling like flowers. YUCK!!! When I go outside and meet other dogs, I want them to know I'm a dog, and not wonder if I'm a rose or a lilac. Having a wet human touch you is not acceptable either. My humans take showers, and then they think it is perfectly okay to pet the dog. I don't appreciate them getting me wet. The water from the inside is evil, hateful water that can hurt a dog. Water that comes down naturally outside is nice, clean water. The next time you are sitting around the house and the humans decide it is time for you to have a bath, remember these words: Just Say No to Baths. This concludes my doggy public service message for today!

Demon Flash Bandit (Baths Are Bad for Dogs)

Wrong People Cleaning House!

I was glancing through the mail that came to my humans today (a dog has to keep up with what is going on in the house), and there was a brochure that said, "the wrong people are cleaning your house". As one of the family dogs responsible for guarding the homestead, I was a bit upset. Who are these unauthorized people who are coming in here to clean the house? Why have I not observed them when they are cleaning? Are they sneaking in to clean during my naps? These are questions that a dog does not like to have to ask! Angel Zoom Smokey (the other family dog) and myself do not like strangers coming in to clean. We don't like it when our humans clean, and we don't want any unfriendly vacuum cleaners entering our domain. Now this dog is going to have to spend my valuable time that could be better spent napping in trying to track down these cleaning desperados who are breaking into the house to clean it. A dog's work is never done!!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Working Dog)

Car Color On Which Birds Prefer to Poop

Since it is summertime, I am going to write about a subject that is important to many of the humans--and that subject is clean cars. Yes, some of the humans go to a great deal of work and expense to keep their cars clean. This makes them feel good to drive around in a clean car. Do the cars stay clean and who is the major culprit in getting them dirty? This is an important question. I'm sure may of you are thinking, isn't it dirt and dust on the highway causing them to get dirty, Mr. Bandit? Sure, there is dust and occasional dirt that, when wet, becomes mud on the highway that does get a car dirty. However, you can wash a car and leave it sitting in your driveway and it can get dirty thanks to the work of my own personal enemy, the birds!!! Sure, you may not realize that birds are the enemy, but believe me, they are! In fact, some humans did a study to find out whether birds prefer to drop their bird bombs on certain color cars, and they do. They prefer to poop on red cars. I don't know about the rest of you, but I hate seeing bird poop on my car. Sometimes they even go beyond the car. The other day I found bird poop in the chair on the porch that I like to sit on.....they know I hate them, and they were after MY chair. You can sit around thinking birds are okay, but if you do, then you are part of the problem. Birds will continue their bombing missions until a concerted effort by humans, dogs, and cats cause them to stop. Remember, you can do something to stop birds from pooping. Dead birds drop no bombs! Dogs, get to work...you can kill a bird and have a snack at the same time. Just ask cats-they've been doing it for years. For those who would like to read the bird poop on car color story, here is the link:
http://www.autoblog.com/2012/06/21/these-car-colors-attract-the-most-bird-poop/
Thanks for reading, and remember, the birds you kill won't poop on your car!

Demon Flash Bandit (Car Color On Which Birds Prefer to Poop)

This Dog is Not a Teacher!

Mommy made an announcement today that really surprised me. She wants an iPad. The lady who usually chooses the least complicated cell phone and barely uses it for anything other than occasional conversations, and makes fun of the younger people for texting. She said if she has a phone, there will be no typing! What made her suddenly want an iPad? She found that the iPad has free apps that involve dogs. You can check your dog's horoscope, have a dog clean out your screen from the "inside", translate dog talk, and more. She says that she never realized just how cool apps can be until she saw the free apps that you can get with the iPad. Here is the link for those who have an iPad, and want to get them:
http://www.dogchannel.com/dog-blog/mutterings-with-nikki-moustaki/dog-apps.aspx?cm_mmc=5303334
I'm wondering if she gets one of those padded phones, will she be able to use it or will Angel and I have to show her how? I hope not because all us dogs know how hard it is to teach the humans anything!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Is Not a Teacher!)

Spring Cleaning

Spring is in the air, and this dog wants to help the humans start cleaning the house. Most of us dogs like things to be super clean so we look forward to spring cleaning. Yes, I love working around the house. It is one of my favorite things to do. This is an April Fool's blog. I don't know how I managed to write those sentences about cleaning without cracking up. I honestly don't care if the house is clean or not. I would prefer to take a nap so I won't actually be doing any cleaning. We dogs are way to smart to get stuck helping the humans clean.

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy April Fools Day)

Human Decorators are Boring!

Today I am writing about a product that I feel is an insult to dogs everywhere. That product is the amazing mat. I am sharing a link so that you can see what it does.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2kNLFL0zMc
The mat is supposed to keep dirt from getting into a home, office, or wherever you choose to put it. This mat will stop muddy pawprints before a dog can get into the house with muddy paws. I think this is awful because a dog goes to the trouble of getting paws dirty for the purpose of properly decorating the human homes. Many humans have boring, uninteresting homes because they spend entirely too much time cleaning them. In the process of cleaning, they clean all the interesting sights and smells out of their homes. Yes, I know it is stupid, but you have to remember, you are dealing with humans here--not dogs. We dogs don't waste time and energy cleaning to make a place look less interesting. For all the dogs who are reading this, I would suggest you make sure that this product never comes into your home. If it does, chew it to pieces before it can turn your home into a sterile, uninteresting environment. Remember, if a dog doesn't fix the situation, no one will.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Good Taste)

Labeled Bath Towels

It never ceases to amaze a dog what the humans think about that a dog wouldn't bother to waste a minute's time thinking about. Today's topic is one of those things. I found a product on the Internet that is designed to solve one of the humans worries. That product is the True Clean Towel. Yes, the humans do worry about silly things. This is also a great idea for the humans who love those human "figures" on the public restrooms signs. The towel has that figure on it and the head is marked top and the "private" areas are marked bottom. This solves the problem of where the towel has been used in the past so that the humans will know which part of the towel to use on what. This has never been an issue in this household because the humans dry their face first and wash the towels after their use. This does seem the most logical thing to do since, if they are washed, you know they are clean. It takes the guesswork out of it. Plus, for the humans who can't read well, who might mix up the words, top and bottom, this could be a major problem. For the humans reading this who HAVE TO have this product, it is only available on the website of the human who invented it. The towel can be purchased for $19.00. For those who are interested, the address is:
http://truecleantowel.com/true-clean-towel-slate.html/ .

I think that this product is okay for the humans, but if I see a towel come into the house with the "figure" of a dog on it, this dog will have to take drastic action. I have already told the humans that dogs aren't supposed to get a bath. If you don't get wet from a bath, then you don't need a towel to dry off. I know the humans like to take baths, but that does not mean a dog wants a bath. We dogs are much more intelligent, and know that if we were meant to have baths, we wouldn't hate them so much.

Demon Flash Bandit (Talking About Towels)