Grand Theft Auto Video Game Based on Lindsay Lohan's Driving Skills?

Lindsay Lohan has been arrested again. This time she hit a pedestrian in New York City with her car and left to go inside to her hotel room. Why doesn't she hire a chaffeur? If there was any actress in Hollywood that should not be allowed to drive herself around, it is Lindsay Lohan. Doesn't she have a dog to hire a chaffeur for her? I know if I was her dog, I would not want to get into the car and ride with her because I value my life. With her driving, you never know where you will end up---perhaps over a cliff like Toonses the Cat from Saturday Night Live. Toonses used to go over the cliff every time he drove because cats should not be allowed to drive. Most dogs are great drivers, but cats just aren't responsible enough to be trusted. I think it is because they have 9 lives and tend to be big on taking risks as a result. I have been told by reliable sources that the video game, Grand Theft Auto, was based on Lindsay Lohan's driving skills. I wonder if she gets any royalties when that game is sold. I just saw recently that she and Charlie Sheen are going to do a love scene together in an upcoming movie. I can't wait to see how that turns out. I just hope it does not involve a car because, if it does and Lindsay is driving, Charlie may not make it through the scene.

Knuckles the Dog in Legal Battle

What happens to the family dog when a couple break up? In the case of Knuckles, a dog from New York City, his human daddy, a man named Dershowitz, has taken the case to court to get Knuckles back from his ex. Knuckles human mommy, moved to California and took the dog with her. So far, Dershowitz has spent $60,000 on legal fees to get Knuckles back. I'm sure some of the humans will think that is crazy, but it makes sense to me. I think us dogs are worth far more than that-and it is nice to see humans who recognize that fact. Of course, the mommy says he is doing it because he is mad that she is getting on with her life. I have no idea what the truth is...that is up to a judge to decide, but I do like the idea of humans caring so much for a dog. That makes us dogs feel good. You can read more about this story at:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/14/dog-custody-battle-60000_n_1514337.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Knuckles the Dog In Legal Fight)

Movie Review: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Today I am going to give a movie review of Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. This is the story of a young man named Oskar whose dad died on 9-11. Oskar was close to his dad, and his dad was always planning "adventures" for him to take which involved mysteries that he had to solve. When Oskar found a key in his dad's closet, he set out to search for the lock that the key would fit. He thought of it as a last "adventure" from his dad. The movie is about all the people he met along the way and his experiences. Personally, this movie bothered me because Oskar was only 9 years old, and this dog does not think a 9 year old should be going all over New York City by himself. He was accompanied by an adult later on, but in the beginning of the search, he was alone. I can't imagine a responsible parent allowing a 9 year old to take off and travel all over such a large city by himself. Whenever there is a tragedy like 9-11-or even just the loss of someone naturally, there will always be a sense of loss for the people involved. It is sad that so many people were left with losses after 9-11, and those losses will never be forgotten by those left behind. My doggy rating system gives it a tail wag, but that is it. I give this movie a 4 out of 10 with 10 being the best and 1 being the worst on the human scale. I would have rated it better had the boy been 15 or 16, but a 9 year old is just too young to be out on his own in the city so it made the movie very unbelievable for me.
Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

British Accents: Not Good For Telling Bad News

I was listening to a BBC broadcast about a terrible car crash pile-up. I'm very sorry about the tragedy, but I have decided that English broadcasters should not be allowed to report bad news because they just don't have the accent for it. The more I listened to the pleasant British accent, I realized that this is just not the accent for telling bad news. This might explain why news stories are scarier in the United States because the news is not reported with a British accent. In fact, if you want to report some really bad news, I think the best accent for that is the New York City one--the one that sounds like the person talking is going to kill someone before they are done talking. I think the honor of announcing executions should go to someone with a Texas accent because they are so gung ho with that idea. British accents in the news should be used when reporting news about the royal family, tea parties, fashion, and news about new inventions since the accent makes the person sound more intelligent. Even British dogs sound nicer than American dogs. We have our tough, American type barks from being brought up in a frontier environment. Now, I have to go and take my spot on the bed, and have some milkbones. Yes, no wonder our bark is scarier...we have such rough doggy lives. LOL

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Accents)

Humans Can Learn a Lot From Dogs!

Sadly, we dogs do not have the lifespan of most of the humans, but it does have one advantage in that we don't have to face as many tragedys in our lives because of it. The terrorist attack on the World Trade Center in New York City happened before I was born, but my humans remember it. They were not directly affected since they don't live near NYC and didn't personally know anyone that was hurt or killed, but the event still made them sad. Mommy told me she was driving to the local hospital about 10 minutes from our house to pick up my brother who had to have a CAT scan that morning. (I have no idea why hospitals allow cats to be part of their testing process.) I never met that brother because he died before I was born. which is one reason I am such an important part of the family. I am the dog they got to help them feel better when he had to leave. This brings me to an important point about the humans. It seems to me that much of the problems in the world are created by other humans because they don't seem to understand that the reason they are put here in this world is to learn to love and care about each other. Think about it: what really lasts in this world? If you abandon a city, it won't be long until it is grown over with plants again. What is really important? Many of the humans will answer money--most of it is actually paper and just how valuable is paper? If you have gold, other than it being shiny and making nice jewelry, no dog would give up a milkbone in favor of having a bar of gold. Perhaps if the humans thought more like dogs, the world would be a better place which is why I wrote this blog today. The humans can learn a lot from us dogs. If we do fight with each other, at least it is usually over something sensible like food or water and not because we like something that shines....and the humans think they are so smart! I might add that I have never heard of a dog not liking another dog because of the color of its fur. Yes, humans are not nearly as smart as us dogs!

Thor and Bronx Zoom Escapee: The Peacock

The Bronx Zoo has been voted as the best place to be sent by all the animals in the wild. This is because the animals at that zoo always seem to manage to escape and run wild through New York City. I know there are a lot of weird things in New York, but you would think that the humans would notice when they see one of the escapees running around the town. I mean if I saw a cobra watching a Broadway play, I would think something was amiss. A short time ago, it was the Bronx Zoo Cobra that was loose, but more recently, a female peacock escaped from the Bronx Zoo. Of course, the peacock had her own twitter account under the name, Bronxzoopeacock. She isn't quite as popular as the cobra, but she does have over 4,000 followers. I'm sure that amount will probably not grow as much now that she has been captured. Yes, they have found her already, and they are still going to allow her to run loose because they are sure she will be happy at the zoo now and won't try to escape again. I think with stupid statements like that, all us dogs understand how the animals manage to escape. Besides, I'm sure the peacock was just trying to get to her job at NBC as their mascot. Of course, the cobra and peacock aren't the only ones to escape from the zoo, they are also searching for a homeless person who escaped from captivity. I guess the zoo can't even keep the homeless humans from escaping, and the zoo even provides them with meals!





I went to see Thor yesterday. As usual, I put on a shirt, and the humans at the theatre never noticed that I am a dog. I enjoyed the movie. Thor reminded me of a husky because he was strong and handsome. There should have been more dogs, but the movie studios are too cheap to pay the dogs what we would deserve. Thor was an excellent movie, and I enjoyed watching it.




Demon Flash Bandit (Wondering if There are Any Animals in the Bronx Zoo)

Royal Wedding Invitation

I notice that my secretary did not delete the first paragraph of my blog yesterday as she was instructed by me. This is not the first time my secretary (obviously of the human persuasion) has not followed my orders. If she did not work free, I would fire her, and hire someone more dependable and obedient.

As many of my regular readers are already aware, I have been sharing correspondence with the Queen Lady (the Queen of England) ever since she came to New York City, and the Daily Show announced that she was having to cut back on household expenses. I felt bad for her so I offered her a job mowing my yard, an offer which she was happy to receive. However, family obligations have kept her from fulfilling her dream of mowing my yard. When Prince William announced the royal engagement, I assumed that this would be another year when the Queen Lady would have family obligations standing in the way of her lawn mowing dream. However, I received this letter yesterday, and I want to share it with my readers.

Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
How is my good pal doing? I hope this letter finds you in good health and enjoying some wonderful snow. I know you have heard about my grandson's upcoming wedding, and I want you to know that the date is set for April 29, 2011. This will give me the summer free to come by your house, meet you, and mow your yard. I have been anxious to meet you ever since we first started corresponding. I hope that you will be able to give me some practical advice for dealing with some of the political problems we have here while I am there because your dog advice is so valuable. I know your advice is highly sought after by world leaders so I hope you will have time to oblige me with this request. I'm so glad that someone of your dog intelligence and gift for diplomacy is available to help world leaders solve problems. If only all of them listened to your wisdom, the world would be a better place.

It is my wish that you can attend the wedding. I know you are a busy dog, but having you come to the wedding is all the kids can talk about. Last night at dinner, both William and Kate were asking me if I had heard from Demon Flash Bandit and was he available to attend their wedding. It would be such an honor if you grace us with your presence.

I am so pleased to count you as a friend, and I hope you won't think I'm bragging too much when I tell people that Demon Flash Bandit and myself are close pals.

Love, Queen Lady Elizabeth

I was touched by this letter. I get a lot of letters from celebrities, but I always enjoy hearing from her Majesty, the Queen Lady. It would be nice to attend the wedding, but this dog refuses to wear a tuxedo so if that is required, I won't be attending. I have standards.

Demon Flash Bandit (Corresponding with Her Majesty, The Queen Lady)

A Dog in a Candy Store

Finally, a reason to visit New York City--home of the Wonka toy store. It is inside the Toys R Us at Times Square. This store carries all 12 brands of Wonka candy, and has the piped in smell of chocolate for a delightful shopping experience. This dog is a big fan of candy. I'm very fond of those little red Swedish Fish candies, and Mike and Ikes (particularly the tropical flavor ones). I have also decided that the reason humans say chocolate is bad for dogs is because they are hoarding it all for themselves--you know it has to be delicious if they don't want to share with their dogs. I would personally be willing to make a trip to NYC to shop at this delightful store, but I bet dogs are not allowed which would mean I would have to spend my vacation protesting outside the store which would be no fun so I will skip the trip. This store has not only excited me, but after receiving this correspondence from the Queen Lady (Queen Elizabeth of England), I can now understand why she made her recent trip to NYC. As always, I will share the letter with my readers:

To My Dear Pal, Demon Flash Bandit,

I wonder when the archaic laws in the United States will be progressive enough to allow dogs to enter the Wonka Candy Store in NYC. I enjoyed my recent trip there. I wanted to make sure my candy supply was replenished. Someone has been sneaking in and eating my candy from the candy room at the Castle. I suspect Prince Charles, but since he is my son, it would look bad if I had him arrested for candy theft. Believe me, I have considered it....taking my candy is serious, as you can understand. I know you take your candy as seriously as I take mine. However a candy scandal could rock the country at its core and do irreparable damage to the crown so I guess he will get by with it.

Did you see that Mr. Pope came here for a visit? As you may have guessed, he only came here because he knew I made a candy run to NYC, and he knew that I would have to offer him some of my treasures. I did not want to share my candy, but I had to give him some. He should have known better. Does he not remember history? King Henry VIII had amassed a large supply of candy, and the Pope wanted his share. Henry refused to give up his candy and then started the Anglican Church. His daughter, Elizabeth, continued the tradition and the Anglican church had slogans on billboards that said, "we will not give our candy to the Pope". You would think that churches would understand just how seriously some of the humans (and dogs) take their candy supplies. The Pope and I did have some fun. We had a race between the Queenmobile and the Popemobile, but I can't tell you who won. I promised to keep it secret and a good Queen keeps her promises.

This brings me to a promise I made to you. I am doing my best to get to the United States to mow your yard, Demon Flash Bandit. You are a special dog to me, and I would not want to see you have to get out and mow your own yard. I am planning to come and mow it before winter sets in. I've just been extra busy. As if it isn't enough work keeping Prince Big Ears out of trouble, I've had to entertain the Pope also. A Queen's work is never done!

Love, Queen Lady Elizabeth
Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Correspondence)