A Crown Worthy of English Royalty

Once again, I received some correspondence from Elizabeth II, The Queen Lady. It is always nice to hear from my friend, the Queen Lady, and this was no exception. I wrote and suggested ways in which she could cut the royal budget. As always, she appreciated my advice. Here is her letter:



Dear Demon Flash Bandit,

Thank you so much for your letter suggesting we save money on the royal budget by selling the crown jewels. Most of the time, they just sit around in the Jewel House of the Tower of London because we don't wear them much. I'm sure they would bring a nice wad of cash for our castle expenses. I had never considered giving them up since we do need the crown for various occasions. I was touched by your thoughtfulness in finding a substitute for me to wear and pass down to my descendants. I did consider the child's "plastic" tiara you priced for me at Meijer for $5.99, but I know it might not fit so I realized I might have to spend as much as $100-$200. on a crown. However, since you sent me such a wonderful replacement crown, I don't even have to spend $5.99 because I plan to use the crown you sent. You are so right when you say that a Burger King crown is better than any other crown that I could buy. In fact, I like it better than the crown jewels in the Tower of London. It is not heavy, it looks regal, and you can't do better in life than burgers from Burger King. I often take the family out for their wonderful burgers. I'm not sure how ordinary people can afford to eat at such an elegant restaurant, but it is nice that they feed my subjects the same delightful burgers they serve me and my family. Thank you so much for watching out for me and my family. I am always touched by your thoughtfulness. I do hope that I will be able to come and mow your yard this year. That extra $25.00 will mean so much to my family and me.

On another subject, are you going to be able to attend the wedding of my grandson to Kate Middleton? I do hope you will be able to attend. I have told the caterers to make sure that you are served Burger King because I know how much you enjoy their burgers. Yes, Demon, they really are "fit for a king or queen". The rest of the guests will have slump soup so that we will have plenty of leftovers. Nothing says royal like eyeballs and ears in the soup. By the way, we would love to have you stay at the castle with us. We have plenty of room, and I would hate to see you stay at a hotel.



Love,

Her Majesty, Queen Lady Elizabeth



I am so pleased that the Queen Lady takes the time to write me, a simple dog.



Demon Flash Bandit (Helping the Queen Lady Save Money)

A Dog in a Candy Store

Finally, a reason to visit New York City--home of the Wonka toy store. It is inside the Toys R Us at Times Square. This store carries all 12 brands of Wonka candy, and has the piped in smell of chocolate for a delightful shopping experience. This dog is a big fan of candy. I'm very fond of those little red Swedish Fish candies, and Mike and Ikes (particularly the tropical flavor ones). I have also decided that the reason humans say chocolate is bad for dogs is because they are hoarding it all for themselves--you know it has to be delicious if they don't want to share with their dogs. I would personally be willing to make a trip to NYC to shop at this delightful store, but I bet dogs are not allowed which would mean I would have to spend my vacation protesting outside the store which would be no fun so I will skip the trip. This store has not only excited me, but after receiving this correspondence from the Queen Lady (Queen Elizabeth of England), I can now understand why she made her recent trip to NYC. As always, I will share the letter with my readers:

To My Dear Pal, Demon Flash Bandit,

I wonder when the archaic laws in the United States will be progressive enough to allow dogs to enter the Wonka Candy Store in NYC. I enjoyed my recent trip there. I wanted to make sure my candy supply was replenished. Someone has been sneaking in and eating my candy from the candy room at the Castle. I suspect Prince Charles, but since he is my son, it would look bad if I had him arrested for candy theft. Believe me, I have considered it....taking my candy is serious, as you can understand. I know you take your candy as seriously as I take mine. However a candy scandal could rock the country at its core and do irreparable damage to the crown so I guess he will get by with it.

Did you see that Mr. Pope came here for a visit? As you may have guessed, he only came here because he knew I made a candy run to NYC, and he knew that I would have to offer him some of my treasures. I did not want to share my candy, but I had to give him some. He should have known better. Does he not remember history? King Henry VIII had amassed a large supply of candy, and the Pope wanted his share. Henry refused to give up his candy and then started the Anglican Church. His daughter, Elizabeth, continued the tradition and the Anglican church had slogans on billboards that said, "we will not give our candy to the Pope". You would think that churches would understand just how seriously some of the humans (and dogs) take their candy supplies. The Pope and I did have some fun. We had a race between the Queenmobile and the Popemobile, but I can't tell you who won. I promised to keep it secret and a good Queen keeps her promises.

This brings me to a promise I made to you. I am doing my best to get to the United States to mow your yard, Demon Flash Bandit. You are a special dog to me, and I would not want to see you have to get out and mow your own yard. I am planning to come and mow it before winter sets in. I've just been extra busy. As if it isn't enough work keeping Prince Big Ears out of trouble, I've had to entertain the Pope also. A Queen's work is never done!

Love, Queen Lady Elizabeth
Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Correspondence)