Royal Dog Thanks to Burger King

McWedding bells are ringing in Hong Kong. Yes, in Hong Kong, McDonalds is not a place just for children's parties. You can arrange an engagement party or a wedding reception at the fast food chain. I think this is a good idea since many couples end up spending a lot of money for their weddings, and it would be a lot cheaper to have the events at fast food restaurants. In fact, even if the couple rents a place that is a bit more elegant, it would not hurt to have fast food catered for the event. Let's face it, the food is reasonable in price, and if it were that awful, they wouldn't serve so many humans everyday. Of course, if it were me, I would be checking with the local Burger King to see if they could accommodate a wedding. Just having my wedding guests wear the BK crown would be something worth seeing. I could even brag about the photos--all the people attending are royalty, and can be proven by the crowns they are wearing. That would teach a stupid human who says my wedding isn't "royal" to try arguing with a very clever dog.

On another subject, I got 6 letters and 5 emails from Charlie Sheen yesterday. As you know he is talking to everyone in the media, and of course, he knows that his pal, Demon Flash Bandit, is one of the most popular of all the media outlets. He also knows that I am a winner so it is only natural that he would want to keep in touch with me. Here is the letter:
Dear Demon Winning Whatever,
I am writing from you as a sober human who is only drinking tiger blood, but red liquor does not count so I am still sober. At least I think I am sober. This is your pal, I don't remember my name. My goddesses Charlie Sheen 1 & 2 say it is Charlie Sheen.....whatever. I have been thinking about how much I hate Thomas Jefferson again. What is so great about running a dry cleaning business anyway? You know he was high from the fumes because he didn't even remember his own name, and kept calling himself George. He didn't remember his goddess's name either because he kept calling her Weezy. I think he was married to an allergy.
Can you send me one of those tasty paczkis you have in your area? I have the munchys. I just ate a zebra. It hit the spot. I guess the tiger blood was craving it. Your pal, The Guy Who Stars on Two and a Half Whatever

I shared the one letter that made some sense. If you are curious, here is the one that made the least since.
Dear Whoever,
I am hanging out on the roof. I have just been fired. Someone, quick, put out the flames. I think I'll cut my head off with this machete machine. That way I can sit around and think with my head while my body runs around to various places to do interviews. I think I might be going sane. Quick, someone stop me before I taste again.....I'm Curious George the monkey. Where is the man with the yellow hat, or it is a red hat. No, it is a purple hat that is blue.
Love, Whoever I Am
Someone stop this man before he writes me again.....PLEASE!!!!!

Perhaps he can fly to Hong Kong and arrange a McCrazy party at McDonalds.

My human brother, Jeff has started a website about movies. The address is:
http://moviememorabiliahub.weebly.com/ Stop by and visit his site. Tell him Demon Flash Bandit sent you. I want him to remember who the most important person in this house happens to be----ME!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who is Royalty Thanks to Burger King)

A Crown Worthy of English Royalty

Once again, I received some correspondence from Elizabeth II, The Queen Lady. It is always nice to hear from my friend, the Queen Lady, and this was no exception. I wrote and suggested ways in which she could cut the royal budget. As always, she appreciated my advice. Here is her letter:



Dear Demon Flash Bandit,

Thank you so much for your letter suggesting we save money on the royal budget by selling the crown jewels. Most of the time, they just sit around in the Jewel House of the Tower of London because we don't wear them much. I'm sure they would bring a nice wad of cash for our castle expenses. I had never considered giving them up since we do need the crown for various occasions. I was touched by your thoughtfulness in finding a substitute for me to wear and pass down to my descendants. I did consider the child's "plastic" tiara you priced for me at Meijer for $5.99, but I know it might not fit so I realized I might have to spend as much as $100-$200. on a crown. However, since you sent me such a wonderful replacement crown, I don't even have to spend $5.99 because I plan to use the crown you sent. You are so right when you say that a Burger King crown is better than any other crown that I could buy. In fact, I like it better than the crown jewels in the Tower of London. It is not heavy, it looks regal, and you can't do better in life than burgers from Burger King. I often take the family out for their wonderful burgers. I'm not sure how ordinary people can afford to eat at such an elegant restaurant, but it is nice that they feed my subjects the same delightful burgers they serve me and my family. Thank you so much for watching out for me and my family. I am always touched by your thoughtfulness. I do hope that I will be able to come and mow your yard this year. That extra $25.00 will mean so much to my family and me.

On another subject, are you going to be able to attend the wedding of my grandson to Kate Middleton? I do hope you will be able to attend. I have told the caterers to make sure that you are served Burger King because I know how much you enjoy their burgers. Yes, Demon, they really are "fit for a king or queen". The rest of the guests will have slump soup so that we will have plenty of leftovers. Nothing says royal like eyeballs and ears in the soup. By the way, we would love to have you stay at the castle with us. We have plenty of room, and I would hate to see you stay at a hotel.



Love,

Her Majesty, Queen Lady Elizabeth



I am so pleased that the Queen Lady takes the time to write me, a simple dog.



Demon Flash Bandit (Helping the Queen Lady Save Money)