Grand Theft Auto Video Game Based on Lindsay Lohan's Driving Skills?

Lindsay Lohan has been arrested again. This time she hit a pedestrian in New York City with her car and left to go inside to her hotel room. Why doesn't she hire a chaffeur? If there was any actress in Hollywood that should not be allowed to drive herself around, it is Lindsay Lohan. Doesn't she have a dog to hire a chaffeur for her? I know if I was her dog, I would not want to get into the car and ride with her because I value my life. With her driving, you never know where you will end up---perhaps over a cliff like Toonses the Cat from Saturday Night Live. Toonses used to go over the cliff every time he drove because cats should not be allowed to drive. Most dogs are great drivers, but cats just aren't responsible enough to be trusted. I think it is because they have 9 lives and tend to be big on taking risks as a result. I have been told by reliable sources that the video game, Grand Theft Auto, was based on Lindsay Lohan's driving skills. I wonder if she gets any royalties when that game is sold. I just saw recently that she and Charlie Sheen are going to do a love scene together in an upcoming movie. I can't wait to see how that turns out. I just hope it does not involve a car because, if it does and Lindsay is driving, Charlie may not make it through the scene.

A Cow With Anger Issues

There has been a case of mad cow disease diagnosed in California. You don't usually hear of cows with anger issues, but hopefully, with some therapy from a certified bovine psychiatrist, the cow can learn to deal with her anger issues. I'm guessing it will take some time for them to go back into the cow's childhood to discover what emotional issues are causing all the anger. Perhaps she talked to another cow who escaped and headed for a McDonalds drive-thru, and discovered what McDonalds serves in their buns. The link to that story is:
http://now.msn.com/living/0424-cow-goes-to-mcdonalds.aspx
Personally, I think the cow probably headed to McDonalds to grab a milkshake which is much tastier than plain milk, and in the process discovered what is in the hamburgers. Sure, you would think it would be pork since ham is a pork product, but the humans don't call them beefburgers--they call them hamburgers. I have no idea why, but I also don't understand why the humans try to walk on their back paws when walking on all 4 paws makes a lot more sense.

I wonder if that new television program starring Charlie Sheen, Anger Management, might be casting for a mad cow, and the cow is just trying to get a chance to try out for the part. It would be interesting if the show had a cow as a psychiatric patient.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing a Cow With Anger Issues)

Charlie Sheen Roast and Transformers

Comedy Central has announced that they will be roasting Charlie Sheen. From what I've seen of him on the Internet lately, I would suggest that they skip the comedy and actually roast him because he seems to have some anger issues. This means that the "friendly" roast could turn into something very unfriendly by the time the show is over. Maybe that is what they want because the humans will tend to watch if there is a big fight. They probably learned that from Jerry Springer and his talk show where he got everyone that didn't like each other together so they could fight it out physically on nationwide television. Sheen's former wife, Brooke Mueller, has already said she will sue if she gets mentioned at the roast. This dog thinks that the roast is going to be a real sideshow, and I think I'll avoid watching it.

Speaking of things I should have avoided watching. I went to see Transformers: Dark of the Moon yesterday. I did not enjoy the movie because it was basically about blowing up things. If that is what you enjoy, then the movie is a must-see! Even the cameos by 4 dogs couldn't save that movie!

As my regular readers are aware, I sometimes cover news items, and I read one headline that said a disabled child was banned from a flight. Obviously, that news outlet does not live up to the Demon Flash Bandit standards. The real story was that the child was not banned from the flight, but only the stroller. The child had Down's Syndrome so that does not mean the child can't walk so I fail to see how that affects the child getting on the plane. It turns out a musical instrument was allowed on the plane, but the airlines said that you could bring a musical instrument if you paid for a seat for it. I'm assuming that if the family had been willing to pay for a seat for the stroller that it could have been on the plane too. It would be nice if the airline allowed strollers, but as long as a child can walk, I don't see how it would stop the child from getting on a plane. The last I looked, planes do have seats for their customers. I'm sure that eventually they will decide to charge extra for chairs, but they haven't thought of that yet.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With High Standards)

California's First Dog, SutterBrown, to the Rescue

Imagine how happy I was to find out that California's first dog is helping the state pay off their deficit. I've often said dogs should be in charge, and this proves my point. Governor Jerry Brown's first dog, SutterBrown, is doing his part to help. SutterBrown is a very busy Corgi. He has a line of merchandise from which the proceeds go to paying down the state deficit. I might add that the Gubenator never had a first dog who did anything to help the budget. You would think a big, macho hero like Arnold could at least match the work of the SutterBrown. So far, SutterBrown, has brought in $700. to help the deficit. Now if the state of California will get Octomom to move and put the money the dog has made into the state budget, they might actually have a budget surplus. To see the video about the first dog, go to this address: http://abclocal.go.com/kabc/story?section=news/state&id=8049156 Perhaps Bo Obama should start his own line of merchandise to help the national deficit. On the local front, Charlie Sheen's show in Detroit, Michigan did not do well. This was not a surprise to my humans so they did not bother to attend the show, and it looks like that made a good call on that one. Charlie Sheen is a talented actor, and I hope he gets his life together before his life becomes as big a bomb as that show. I also want to mention that after my blog yesterday about the April Fool's Day joke done on the Internet by Toshiba in which I thought a computer for dogs would be an excellent idea, I have further proof of my genius. I have a website to share with you that has dogs using computers in scientific research. The site's address is: http://abclocal.go.com/kabc/story?section=news/state&id=8049156 Since dogs are already using computers, I think it is time for the computer manufacturers to get busy with a computer for dogs. I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend. Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Could Use My Own Computer)

To Carry-out or Not to Carry-out: That is the Question

After four days, the escaped cobra from the Bronx Zoo has still not been located. I have already warned my readers to stay away from the zoo. Zoo officials have shut down the Reptile House, and they say that the snake is hiding there in an area not open to the public. Since these are the same humans who are supposed to be keeping the animals where they belong in the first place, this dog would avoid the zoo, and assume that they don't know what they are doing. The life you save may be your own. The snake is on Twitter and already has 18,000 followers. This really annoys me that this stupid poisonous snake has more followers than I do on this blog. I'm not on Twitter because I think there is something fundamentally wrong with a site that uses a "BIRD" as its symbol. Birds are evil, and I think it is a site that cannot be trusted. In entertainment news, Charlie Sheen has accused his ex-wife, Denise Richards of being a dog thief. If I were Charlie Sheen's dog, I would hide in Denise Richards' car to get out of there. Charlie is much too busy for his dogs, and he might forget to feed them, and a dog takes things like that very seriously. I'm sure they will be ready to return to him when he isn't so busy. The town of Lafayette. Colorado has had some possible UFO encouters recently. As I have pointed out in past blogs, aliens are big fans of our food so, if it really is a UFO, there must be some restaurant in the town that is popular among the aliens. Since Colorado has the Air Force Academy, I suspect it might just be some new form of aircraft that the military is trying out. I doubt that there are that many great restaurants in a small town in Colorado. If I'm wrong, then it is time for me to place a carry-out order. Demon Flash Bandit (Hanging Around with My Humans Who Have Time for Me)

Snakes, Lunatics, and My Handsome Tail

One of the items in the news today is a follow up on the missing cobra at the Bronx Zoo. It is still lost, and the Reptile House is still closed. This is one dog who would skip the whole "Zoo experience" until the snake is found. The zoo is supposed to be a fun place to see the animals, not a place where the "residents" attack. If you feel you must visit the zoo before the snake is found, I would suggest taking a mongoose along to protect you from the snake. In other news, Charlie Sheen has called his ex-wife, Denise Richards, a dog thief. I'm not sure what caused him to make this new accusation, and I've got a hunch Charlie has no idea what brought it on either. He seems to be in some kind of fairytale land where he is the winner and everyone else is the loser and a troll. I suppose it is good for him because from what I have read, he isn't a winner when it comes to his job. I do enjoy Two and a Half Men, but it is not One Man, One Lunatic and a Boy. Evidently, he must be reading the wrong script. On a happier subject, I have been looking at my tail and I think it is very handsome. I feel bad for the humans because I think they would look so much better with tails. As it is, they walk around on the back paws, and look silly. It makes them fall. All us dogs know that it is better to walk on all 4 paws, and it makes more sense because we don't fall as often walking on all 4 paws. The only time a dog will walk on 2 paws is if he doesn't have all 4 paws to walk on. You would think the humans would know better. It isn't like they make tables or chairs with only 2 legs. I feel like taking a nap so I will end this blog now. That is another thing that would benefit the humans. They don't take enough naps. Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Takes His Naps Seriously)

Don't Mess with Burger King!

Occasionally, a dog will read a story about the humans that is so ridiculous, you wonder how the humans could have ever survived this long. The story today (and this was in the news) is the story of an event that happened in Oakland Park, Florida at a Burger King there. Tara Lyons, age 38, went through drive-thru and ordered a breakfast sandwich for a total expense of $1.06. She decided that someone in the restaurant had spit on her sandwich so she parked her car, and went inside. At that point, she jumped over the counter and started throwing breakfast sandwiches and condiments at the employees. Broward Country Sheriffs arrested her and she was charged with assault and battery and burglary. Once she gets her sentencing from the local police, I think the Burger King should arrest her, and this dog thinks he should order "off with her head". The world is better off without humans with her kind of behavior. If he decides to show mercy, he could sentence her to life in the dungeon with no chance for parole. When a human starts messing with Burger King sandwiches, this dog gets angry. There are some things that are unforgivable, and messing with BK sandwiches is one of those things.

For those of you who are wondering....yes, it was really Tara Lyons. It was not Charlie Sheen in drag. I know some of you think it sounds like something he would do at this point. I also don't think she was taking the drug, Charlie Sheen, because her face wasn't melted off, and her body had not exploded.


Demon Flash Bandit (Don't Mess With Burger King!)

Royal Dog Thanks to Burger King

McWedding bells are ringing in Hong Kong. Yes, in Hong Kong, McDonalds is not a place just for children's parties. You can arrange an engagement party or a wedding reception at the fast food chain. I think this is a good idea since many couples end up spending a lot of money for their weddings, and it would be a lot cheaper to have the events at fast food restaurants. In fact, even if the couple rents a place that is a bit more elegant, it would not hurt to have fast food catered for the event. Let's face it, the food is reasonable in price, and if it were that awful, they wouldn't serve so many humans everyday. Of course, if it were me, I would be checking with the local Burger King to see if they could accommodate a wedding. Just having my wedding guests wear the BK crown would be something worth seeing. I could even brag about the photos--all the people attending are royalty, and can be proven by the crowns they are wearing. That would teach a stupid human who says my wedding isn't "royal" to try arguing with a very clever dog.

On another subject, I got 6 letters and 5 emails from Charlie Sheen yesterday. As you know he is talking to everyone in the media, and of course, he knows that his pal, Demon Flash Bandit, is one of the most popular of all the media outlets. He also knows that I am a winner so it is only natural that he would want to keep in touch with me. Here is the letter:
Dear Demon Winning Whatever,
I am writing from you as a sober human who is only drinking tiger blood, but red liquor does not count so I am still sober. At least I think I am sober. This is your pal, I don't remember my name. My goddesses Charlie Sheen 1 & 2 say it is Charlie Sheen.....whatever. I have been thinking about how much I hate Thomas Jefferson again. What is so great about running a dry cleaning business anyway? You know he was high from the fumes because he didn't even remember his own name, and kept calling himself George. He didn't remember his goddess's name either because he kept calling her Weezy. I think he was married to an allergy.
Can you send me one of those tasty paczkis you have in your area? I have the munchys. I just ate a zebra. It hit the spot. I guess the tiger blood was craving it. Your pal, The Guy Who Stars on Two and a Half Whatever

I shared the one letter that made some sense. If you are curious, here is the one that made the least since.
Dear Whoever,
I am hanging out on the roof. I have just been fired. Someone, quick, put out the flames. I think I'll cut my head off with this machete machine. That way I can sit around and think with my head while my body runs around to various places to do interviews. I think I might be going sane. Quick, someone stop me before I taste again.....I'm Curious George the monkey. Where is the man with the yellow hat, or it is a red hat. No, it is a purple hat that is blue.
Love, Whoever I Am
Someone stop this man before he writes me again.....PLEASE!!!!!

Perhaps he can fly to Hong Kong and arrange a McCrazy party at McDonalds.

My human brother, Jeff has started a website about movies. The address is:
http://moviememorabiliahub.weebly.com/ Stop by and visit his site. Tell him Demon Flash Bandit sent you. I want him to remember who the most important person in this house happens to be----ME!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who is Royalty Thanks to Burger King)

Demon Flash Bandit: Lead Dog

Charlie Sheen has a new tattoo that spells out "winning". I think I should consider getting a tattoo that describes me. My humans said I should get a similar tattoo that says "whining" because they claim that I whine when I want something I haven't gotten yet. How else am I going to let the humans know what I want? Sometimes I speak to them in human, but I'm not quite sure they understand their own language, and they certainly don't understand dog. Sure, they will "speak" dog from time to time, but they have no idea what they are saying. One day, one of my humans was talking dog, and they had no idea that they were saying, I'm an idiot......don't you agree? By the way, I did agree. When the human is right, the humans is right!

I was pleased to see the Internet saying that the humans in the United States are getting mad at the oil companies. This dog has been wondering when they would finally notice that the oil companies are rotten. It is like most of them didn't notice that when oil prices went up originally, the President and Vice-President were both oil men. It was to their advantage to raise the oil prices. It was also to their advantage to start a war. It always amazes me that it takes the humans so long to put these things together. Sure, they don't have my dog sense, but you would think that they would get the easy connections. The oil companies did the same thing back in the 1970's. As soon as they got the prices higher; the oil, which was supposed to be in short supply, was plentiful again. I suppose some of the humans will believe anything you tell them.

As usual, I could solve most of these financial problems if I were in charge. When a company that provides a necessity that has very little competition gets too ridiculous and starts gouging the consumer; I would order the government to take over and replace the greedy jerks running the company. My guess is that there would be a lot fewer companies pulling tricks like that if they think there will be some repercussions other than making more money. I will never understand how the humans can continue running things when a dog would clearly make a better leader. I've done many surveys on the subject and even cats think dogs would make better leaders than the humans--and they are CATS!!!

Let's take a look at one of the humans who is in the news constantly in recent days-Charlie Sheen. How can he think he is "winning" when he isn't a dog? Being a human, he just sounds insane with his rants. If he were a dog, I would understand since all dogs are winners, but humans are not winners. I suspect he doesn't have a pet dog because, if he did, his dog would tell him to shut it, and quit acting crazy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Is a Lead Dog)

Charlie Sheen: He is No Deputy Dawg!

I hope my readers enjoyed the letter I received from Charlie Sheen and that I shared on my blog yesterday. I have received 2 more letters from him since yesterday, but I'm not going to share them today. They weren't nearly as coherent as the letter I shared yesterday. This will come as a great surprise to my readers, but Charlie Sheen actually sounded crazy with the last two letters. Yeah, I know that is shocking, but it is true. I might add that he is planning a trip to Haiti with Sean Penn. Haven't those people in Haiti suffered enough?

I got a telephone call last night from the Queen Lady begging me to attend the royal wedding, but I had to remind her that she did not ask Bo Obama, first dog. It is about time the Queen Lady learned that there are consequences for actions.

I am very excited today because I am going to have company later today. Deputy Dawg is coming to visit me!!! I have been asking him to come for a long time, but he has been having problems getting away due to those varmints he has to keep in line. Muskie and Vince can be a real pawful for Deputy Dawg. The Sheriff is going to take over for a couple of days so Deputy Dawg can have a couple of days off so he is going to come and spend that time with me. I had better go now because I've got a lot to do before my celebrity guest arrives. I wonder if Charlie Sheen realizes that he doesn't have the star status of Deputy Dawg--few humans possess such charisma!

Demon Flash Bandit (Excited to See Deputy Dawg!)

Charlie Sheen and Last Veteran of World War I

It is nice to know that Charlie Sheen's publicist, Stan Rosenfield, has been reading my blog because he quit his job. I guess putting a muzzle on Charlie is a lot harder than he realized. I will admit that it is a job that this dog wouldn't want to have because I think Charlie Sheen just might bite the person who tries to put on the muzzle. I am wondering if he had his rabies shots because he seems to be suffering from rabies because if anyone has gone "mad", it is him. Has anyone seen him foaming at the mouth yet? Let's face it, he is one crazy guy. I suppose that there will be no new Major League franchise movies with Charlie as the star since the producer of the franchise has said that he "is being difficult". I think that is the understatement of the year! I hope he has some money saved up because I don't think he has a chance of winning the 320 million dollars he is suing over, and I suspect he won't be working much in the future unless he can master the lines, would you like fries with your burger?



It makes me feel good to know that so many humans are reading my blog. However, I don't want to spend my time writing about crazy humans so I will move onto another subject. It seems that Frank Buckles recently died at the age of 110. He is the last veteran of World War I. The United States Veterans Affairs has announced that all veterans from World War I have been granted monetary compensation for any health problems caused by mustard gas or any of the other poisonous gases used during that war. It is a coincidence that this compensation has been offered after all the veterans of the war have died. I'm sure they meant to do it sooner.



Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Blogger)