Puppy Tweets Discontinued!

My humans bought me that product, Puppy Tweets, so that I could tweet them more often when I'm in the mood. They are usually with me, but you know how it is when they are in another room and a dog doesn't feel like getting up and walking into the other room to talk to the humans. Paws do get tired! Anyway, I was excited at first and then I made the humans take it off of me because it is on a chain and it kept hitting my neck which I did not like. I just chatted with the humans at Mattel, the company that made Puppy Tweets, suggesting they make it lighter and thinner so it would be more comfortable for a dog to wear. However, they said that the product had been discontinued. This is what happens when a company listens to birds when making a product for dogs. Birds don't like dogs, and they never will so I think they deliberately sabotaged the product. It makes sense that birds would not want dogs tweeting the humans and possibly warning them about the latest of the birds evil plans for world domination. I do hope that Mattel will bring back a new and better Puppy Tweets. Maybe they should call it Puppy Barks so that they won't feel the need to bring birds into the developmental stage of the product. By the way, I do have a Twitter account for my readers who want to follow me, and my twitter name is demonflashhusky. I usually "tweet" when I post a new blog so it would enable those of you who use twitter a lot to catch my latest blogs as soon as possible--which I'm sure is what all my readers live for!

Demon Flash Bandit (Tweeting Dog)

The Office--The British Version

Angel Zoom Smokey and myself have been fans of The Office since it first came on the air. We will generally settle down to watch the show. This is why I was intrigued when I had the chance to see the original version of The Office which was on British television. I liked it, but it did leave me with some major questions. The main question is, why does the U. S. version of The Office need a billion or so writers when some of the lines were actually taken from the British show? I have to conclude that the writers on The Office (USA version) aren't very good at their jobs, and most of them must be on Facebook or Twitter rather than writing. In fact, I think that explains why the seasons haven't been as good as time goes on.....the writers are having to do their own writing which obviously is inferior to the British writers. Of course, this is merely my opinion, but as such, is correct and not for anyone to question. After all, I'm a dog so I'm right.

Speaking of humans who aren't doing their jobs properly, it was way too hot here a couple of days ago. This prompted me to have a long talk with Mother Nature. I pointed out that she is getting old and possibly going senile, and she can be replaced. It is much cooler today so I am happy to report that Mother Nature got with the program and cooled things down here. This is one Siberian Husky who does not like heat and will give out some puppy slaps of justice if the weather gets too hot. Even the humans were complaining about the heat. Of course, you have to ignore many of their complaints because they tend to complain about everything! I am glad Mother Nature saw the error of her ways and fixed things. I was afraid that the birds might have been persuading her to make it too hot. Those evil birds are bent on world domination., If only the humans could see how evil they are, but the humans hear them sing and think all is well.

Demon Flash Bandit (The Office and Mother Nature)

Tweeting Dogs

Occasionally a new product comes onto the market that makes you wonder how the humans have survived up until now without it. I am going to discuss a product that fits into that category in today's blog. That product is Puppy Tweets. Finally, a product that sends a tweet from your dog so that you will know what the dog is thinking about at that moment. Imagine how exciting it is for the humans to know what their dog is doing at any given time! I do have to admit that I was more than a little annoyed when I read about it in a news article that called it a stupid pet product, and then asked the question, who would set up a Twitter account for their dog? I would like to introduce you to DemonFlashHusky, my twitter name. I set up the account for myself just like my Facebook account and my dogster diary. I am tired of the humans thinking that a dog can't do these things for him or herself. After observing the humans since I was a puppy, I have come to the conclusion that when a family has a dog, the dog is the "brains" of the family. I have often wondered how dogless families even manage to survive without the intelligence of the average dog to guide them. I can prove we are geniuses. Who is out working to pay for the food? It is usually the humans which proves my point. The dog stays home and naps while the humans are out working. If that isn't genius, I don't know what is!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Doggy Tweets)

Trees Being Bothered By Birds

As a dog, I take my job of keeping the forests watered very seriously--as do all my fellow dogs. This is particularly true of dogwood trees. Any tree that wants to be a dog gets special attention from the canines. As I was watering one of the dogwood trees yesterday, I noticed that the dogwood tree, as all other trees, was being annoyed by birds. Birds were sitting on its branches and when I asked the tree if the birds had a deed to the branch, the tree said the bird did not. The birds just take over like the tree branches belong to them without even consulting with a tree estate agent or anything. Meanwhile, the tree just stands there unable to do anything to stop the evil bird from hanging out there or even building a nest on a branch because trees can't move. This is one reason that I, Demon Flash Bandit, have infiltrated Twitter. I wasn't anxious to join a site that has a stupid bird as its logo, but I realized that by being on Twitter, I can be a dog spy in the war against birds. I hope that someday a dogwood tree-or any other tree-can stand proud and not worry about a feathered varmint bothering it. For those of you who want to follow me on Twitter, my Twitter name is DemonFlashHusky. I would also recommend you follow one of my pals, BronxZooRhino. He is a funny guy who thinks that just because the cobra and the peacock have escaped from the Bronx Zoo that he will be able to escape too. Remember, it may say I am posting a tweet, but in my case, it is a howl or bark!

Demon Flash Bandit (Protecting Trees From Birds)

Bronx Cobra Found--I Need Her Agent!

Finally, the cobra that escaped from the Bronx Zoo has been found. She was in the Reptile House just as the zoo said--at least that is what they want you to believe. However, judging from all the tweets from the snake, all of us know better. The snake had 200,000 followers before she was found, and I hope she will continue to tweet occasionally because I personally will miss the tweets. I'm sure the snake will have many things to tell us. For example, how does the zoo's menu hold up compared to other zoos? I'm sure other snakes would want to know that in case they ever decide they want to live in a zoo. I am planning to email the snake and ask the name of the snake's agent. I think I need to hire that agent to represent me! Today is April 1, which is the day in which the humans decide to do stupid things. Sadly, dogs know the humans well, and we know they do stupid things everyday. I really don't see why they need to go to any extra trouble one day a year. I guess they want to have one day when they can really get stupid. I saw an item on the Internet about a parade in San Francisco, California dedicated to St. Stupid. I don't know if it is real or an April Fool's Day Joke, but it does seem appropriate that the humans would have a patron saint to stupidity. All us dogs agree that they need one. I hope everyone has a Happy April Fool's Day, and be careful around the humans today. Some of them go a bit crazy with the jokes. Demon Flash Bandit (Wants Snake's Agent)

To Carry-out or Not to Carry-out: That is the Question

After four days, the escaped cobra from the Bronx Zoo has still not been located. I have already warned my readers to stay away from the zoo. Zoo officials have shut down the Reptile House, and they say that the snake is hiding there in an area not open to the public. Since these are the same humans who are supposed to be keeping the animals where they belong in the first place, this dog would avoid the zoo, and assume that they don't know what they are doing. The life you save may be your own. The snake is on Twitter and already has 18,000 followers. This really annoys me that this stupid poisonous snake has more followers than I do on this blog. I'm not on Twitter because I think there is something fundamentally wrong with a site that uses a "BIRD" as its symbol. Birds are evil, and I think it is a site that cannot be trusted. In entertainment news, Charlie Sheen has accused his ex-wife, Denise Richards of being a dog thief. If I were Charlie Sheen's dog, I would hide in Denise Richards' car to get out of there. Charlie is much too busy for his dogs, and he might forget to feed them, and a dog takes things like that very seriously. I'm sure they will be ready to return to him when he isn't so busy. The town of Lafayette. Colorado has had some possible UFO encouters recently. As I have pointed out in past blogs, aliens are big fans of our food so, if it really is a UFO, there must be some restaurant in the town that is popular among the aliens. Since Colorado has the Air Force Academy, I suspect it might just be some new form of aircraft that the military is trying out. I doubt that there are that many great restaurants in a small town in Colorado. If I'm wrong, then it is time for me to place a carry-out order. Demon Flash Bandit (Hanging Around with My Humans Who Have Time for Me)

Bark Like a Pirate?

Ahoy. I have told Angel Zoom Smokey to put on her Halloween Pirate costume in honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day. So far, she has threatened to issue some puppy slaps of justice for the suggestion, and she told me to wear it myself. Since I do not want to wear it, I suppose there is going to be a limited amount of Pirate Partying around here unless Angel drinks too much grog, in which case, I might be able to trick her into wearing it. I am not counting on it since Angel is not an easy dog to fool.

To help my readers enjoy the holiday, there are actually websites that help you talk like a pirate, and everyone knows how serious a topic has to be before there is a website about it. However, I could not find one website with instructions on how dogs can bark like a pirate dog. Also, do dogs dress up in a pirate's hat and are there other things a pirate dog is expected to wear? How does a dog carry a sword around with him. I'm assuming that a dog can be the Captain of a ship if he chooses to do so. In fact, I think I have a great name for a pirate to have: Captain Demon Flash Bandit, pirate. It does have a very piratey sound to it, don't you think? I bet spell check is going to tell me that pirately is not a word. When it does, I will take out my sword and kill spell check and thus, prove I am a worthy pirate. I'm sure pirates in the old days used to keep the computers in line (or on line---they seem like the kind of people who would be on Twitter) on their ships. I'm sharing an old pirate tweet with you from the old days:
Me just commandeered a ship which me thought would bring a vast array of treasure, but alas, the booty from the ship was not what me expected. Me should have known that a ship flying under the "mouse" flag might not have been a good choice, but even a pirate captain has bad days every now and then. How was me supposed to know that Disney had a cruise ship for senior citizens? The complaints alone were enough to make me want to jump into the ocean and join Davy Jones in his locker. Where is the Cracken when you need it? Young people tend to shut up and do what they are told, but me supposes older people will take the risk and tell you off. Perhaps they don't feel they have as much to live for as the younger ones. Ten old ladies hit me over the head with their purses, and if me sees one more photo of the grandchildren, me will scream. The old men can't hear anything you tell them. I've had 24 of them attack me with their canes--and me thought the canes were for dancing. My crew has confiscated the electric scooters and they are driving them around the ship. Me thinks they are about to mutiny because the novelty of the electric scooters is wearing thin. Me thinks me will let the people go back to their ship, and then lock me-self into me quarters until this whole mutiny idea is over. Even Pirate Captains can have some very, very bad days! Next time, me will be more careful about the ships I commandeer. ---Captain Blue Eyed Husky

I do hope those who choose to participate enjoy talk like a pirate day. For those dogs who know how to bark like a pirate, start a website. I know that humans only have websites about things that are very important, but I think dogs would appreciate knowing how to bark like a pirate. The humans would never start a website just to entertain other humans, would they?

I hope everyone has a nice weekend, and if you find any spare pirate treasure in your back yard that you don't want, let me know. A dog can always use treasure...hopefully someone will find some dingo bones. They are so tasty!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Talk Like a Pirate Day)

Puppy Tweets

Mattel has introduced a new product, Puppy Tweets, that provides a way for us dogs to send tweets to our owners. Since most of us dogs have problems with typing on the computer, the device comes with 500 pre-recorded "tweets". Dogs can follow other dogs and other dogs can follow them. Now dogs can get involved with Twitter--yes, social networking for dogs on one of the humans' own social sites--did we ever think this would happen? I'm sure many of you are wondering what I think of this new invention. The idea is good, and the price is reasonable (Amazon has it for $29.99), and it sounds like a great idea, but the problem this dog has if that it is on that Twitter. Twitter is one of those sites that upsets this dog since it has a bird as its symbol. Since birds are in a conspiracy to cause global warming and take over the planet, I always tend to think there is a conspiracy whenever I see a bird involved in an item. I know you might say, Demon Flash Bandit, how can you be so sure----it seems harmless enough"? That is just what I would want dogs to think if I were a bird. I'm sure it is harmless-except that it gets the dogs so busy "tweeting" (what a horrible thought-dogs "tweeting at each other") that the birds can take over the world. The humans aren't smart enough to notice--they wouldn't see it coming until the birds have guns at their heads marching them off to some horrible place where they will have to be the slaves to the birds. If you get the dogs busy, that only leaves the cats to watch out for the birds activities, and if the birds are willing to pay the cats enough, those cats just might let them take over. The birds are counting on the item looking innocent while they sneak around and do all their evil bird activities.

As I said, I have nothing personal against the device other than the possibility that it is a device invented by birds to keep dogs from noticing their treachery. However, there is something else that bothers me. If the device is not invented by birds ( and you can prove it to my satisfaction), what is the point of sending pre-recorded messages that Mattel has made up? Why not send actual messages from real dogs? For example, a pre-recorded message that says "its hard to tweet when your all paws" might be a cute message for the humans to receive, but if I'm sending messages to my humans, they will be a bit different. I'll give you some examples. I would tweet. "since you left me with only the dogsitter, at least bring back some Burger King for me to eat." I would also tweet something to the effect of, "you left without me. Didn't you see my face in the window? I hope you are feeling guilty." Perhaps the heart felt, "I'm planning to tear up everything in the house. It is my gift to you for leaving me behind." These are the kind of "tweets" most of us would send. By the way, if a dog sends them, couldn't they be called barks or wolfs. No self respecting dog wants to tweet to other dogs or humans. We do have our dignity to think about.

Demon Flash Bandit (My Opinion Of Tweeting Dogs)