Amazon.com Located in Amazon Rain Forest!

I have a new conspiracy theory that I discovered myself. There is a news item on the Internet today about Amazon.com hiring temporary workers for some of their warehouse locations, and the people who work at many of these jobs live in RV parks. I am going to share the item so you can read it for yourself.
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/welcome-to-amazon-town.html
I know it sounds okay--they have warehouses all over the United States, and they are not located in the Amazonian rain forest. I think that is what the company wants you to think. I stand by my earlier blogs about the workers going through the jungle to get to work. I'm not sure why the company doesn't want to disclose their actual location, but my theory is that it is because another company might try to do the same. Now Amazon is big, but what is Sahara started a company in the desert. I'm sure they could sell sand and make a lot of money since they have it in abundance. Anyway, no matter what the reason, this dog is not easily fooled, and if I wrote that they were headquartered in the Amazon, then that is where they are headquartered. Perhaps they have a few warehouses in the United States as decoys. I can even understand the need for decoy locations. Those space aliens are probably always insisting that the free shipping should include other galaxies. The space aliens can be so annoying when they are trying to be cheap. Anyway, no matter what you read, remember, if you want the true story, come to Demon Flash Bandit for the facts.

Demon Flash Bandit (Amazon Headquartered in Amazon)

The Only Good Flea is a Toy Flea

Fleas are the most useless things on the planet. I don't like them. Other dogs don't like them, and most humans don't like them. This brings me to my subject for today. Since fleas are annoying, useless pests, why do the humans have flea markets? I can think of no good reason to buy or sell fleas. I know I wouldn't buy a flea, and I can't think of anyone in their right mind who would. To be fair, I'm not quite sure that the markets sell fleas, but what kind of marketing concept is it to name a market after such an annoying pest? I know you can sell some of the humans almost anything, but you would think that even the humans would hear the words, flea market, and think that perhaps there are better places in which to shop. I would like to be able to report that my humans have never been to a flea market, but I'm sure at some point in their lives they have been to one. I have even heard Mommy say that Orlando, Florida has flea markets that sell only new stuff, are indoors, have air conditioning, and are open throughout the week. I suppose that is impressive since most flea markets don't have quite that level of shopping comfort. If you ask my opinion, if you must buy a flea, Amazon has some stuffed sqeaky dog toy fleas which (at the moment) are on sale for a mere $7.94. I think the stuffed variety is the only kind of flea that anyone should even consider buying. I used to have one (it met a fate that any dog would be happy to see a flea meet), and it was a fun toy. Skip the flea market and order the flea from Amazon right from your computer. You'll be glad you did!

Demon Flash Bandit (Only Good Flea is Flea Dog Toy)

Walmart's War

Walmart has announced that they plan to sell healthier foods in their stores. Does this mean that they have been carrying unhealthy foods up until now? Personally, I think this is part of their strategy of winning the war on Amazon. If you want to win a war, it is always a good idea to have soldiers who are in top condition. Since many of their employees shop at their stores, they can make sure they are in prime fighting shape. Perhaps they can add some drugs to the food to make sure that their customers don't buy from Amazon. I have to admit that at Christmas, my humans bought most of their stuff from Amazon. It was easier to shop from home, Amazon had a better selection and their prices were good. The best part was that they didn't have to fight Walmart's hordes of shoppers. This dog prefers that there be more than one store at which to shop, but Walmart does not share my opinion. Considering that they never want to hire enough employees, and shopping at our local one is no longer fun, I suspect that Amazon will win the war, and other stores will win also. In fact, my humans prefer Meijer, which is not nationwide, but it is better than Walmart here in Michigan.

Demon Flash Bandit (Better Be Careful Before you Declare War)

My Crystal Bone is Safe!

It seems that the actress, Bryce Dallas Howard, thinks she might be psychic. I immediately went to check on my crystal bone. Since I did my psychic blog in which I predict the future, I had to make sure that Bryce had not broken into my house and stolen my precious crystal bone. Thank dog it is still there! I think she is just trying to copy me because all the celebrites want to be more like me, Demon Flash Bandit. To be honest, I can't blame them. I am one awesome dog! Besides, I bet they want to eat Burger King more often too.

I saw on the news that Texas has sent a sales tax bill to Amazon.com for 269 million dollars. Someone should inform the state of Texas that sales tax is paid by the buyers--not the merchant, and therefore, the tax should be levied in advance so the merchant knows to charge said tax. If I owned Amazon, I would shut down the Texas distribution center immediately and move it elsewhere. Some states would actually welcome the distribution center. I'm waiting to see if the humans running Amazon think logically like Demon Flash Bandit or not. You would be surprised at just how illogical some of the humans can be. I'm not saying that Amazon should or should not charge sales tax, but you should not send a bill until it is legally decided and the business has a chance to make the charge. Shame on Texas for not having common sense.

It is windy here today, and I hear the stupid tornado siren going off so I'd better sign off now.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sometimes a Political Commentator)

Angry Birds are Really Stupid Birds

Birds have to be one of the most annoying varmints on Planet Earth. Now there is a popular iphone game called Angry Birds. I don't personally play video games much since my paws are a bit clumsy. However, just from the title, Angry Birds, I can tell that this popular video game is stupid. I watched the "trailer" for the game. It seems that the birds were so busy beating up a bug that landed on their eggs, that some pigs managed to steal their eggs while they busy with the bug. I know that the term "bird brains" is used in popular culture for a reason--birds are stupid little animals. Just the fact that many of them migrate south in the winter shows how stupid they are. Why not just stay where it is warm and there is food? Flying hundreds of miles is work--and they do it every year because no bird was smart enough at the start of spring to say to the other birds, "it is nice here, why are we leaving?" This is why it does not surprise me that the pigs could get the eggs--the birds are too stupid to watch over their eggs.

This brings me to another point I saw on the Internet news today. It seems that home schooling is becoming more acceptable. I can only hope that the homes where these children are being home schooled has turned the task over the the family dog. I do have to admit that it has to be frustrating for the dogs. It takes the human puppies so long to learn to do anything. Just look how long it takes them to learn to walk and talk--a dog puppy can do that very quickly. However, we dogs love our humans and we can summon up the patience to deal with the humans puppies if necessary. When is a dog supposed to get in his naps if you have children around bothering the dog? Most of us take our nap time very seriously. This is why I think children should go to school. Parents and dogs need a rest!

Mommy brought home a book last night--I Has a Hot Dog. She has been looking for the book and finally one of the stores she went to had it. She was ready to order it on Amazon. If you want to read a classically good book, this is the book for you. It has cool photos of dogs, and it has captions saying what the dog is thinking. This book should be a best seller if you ask me---it is a great piece of literature. If William Dogspeare had published a book of this quality, I might even say he is a good writer, but I don't think he ever thought of getting out his camera and taking photos.

I'm sorry about the lack of a blog yesterday--it was my humans fault. She took one of my brothers to the theatre, and then she was sick when she got home last night. I would fire her, but I could tell she was really sick, and Angel Zoom Smokey felt it was her job to comfort Mommy. I think she is just trying to worm her way into more treats. She isn't fooling me any. I will not stoop to that level just to get some Yummy Chummies. I have to go now and kiss Mommy. Some Yummy Chummies would taste good in my tummy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Catching up on Blogging)

Puppy Tweets

Mattel has introduced a new product, Puppy Tweets, that provides a way for us dogs to send tweets to our owners. Since most of us dogs have problems with typing on the computer, the device comes with 500 pre-recorded "tweets". Dogs can follow other dogs and other dogs can follow them. Now dogs can get involved with Twitter--yes, social networking for dogs on one of the humans' own social sites--did we ever think this would happen? I'm sure many of you are wondering what I think of this new invention. The idea is good, and the price is reasonable (Amazon has it for $29.99), and it sounds like a great idea, but the problem this dog has if that it is on that Twitter. Twitter is one of those sites that upsets this dog since it has a bird as its symbol. Since birds are in a conspiracy to cause global warming and take over the planet, I always tend to think there is a conspiracy whenever I see a bird involved in an item. I know you might say, Demon Flash Bandit, how can you be so sure----it seems harmless enough"? That is just what I would want dogs to think if I were a bird. I'm sure it is harmless-except that it gets the dogs so busy "tweeting" (what a horrible thought-dogs "tweeting at each other") that the birds can take over the world. The humans aren't smart enough to notice--they wouldn't see it coming until the birds have guns at their heads marching them off to some horrible place where they will have to be the slaves to the birds. If you get the dogs busy, that only leaves the cats to watch out for the birds activities, and if the birds are willing to pay the cats enough, those cats just might let them take over. The birds are counting on the item looking innocent while they sneak around and do all their evil bird activities.

As I said, I have nothing personal against the device other than the possibility that it is a device invented by birds to keep dogs from noticing their treachery. However, there is something else that bothers me. If the device is not invented by birds ( and you can prove it to my satisfaction), what is the point of sending pre-recorded messages that Mattel has made up? Why not send actual messages from real dogs? For example, a pre-recorded message that says "its hard to tweet when your all paws" might be a cute message for the humans to receive, but if I'm sending messages to my humans, they will be a bit different. I'll give you some examples. I would tweet. "since you left me with only the dogsitter, at least bring back some Burger King for me to eat." I would also tweet something to the effect of, "you left without me. Didn't you see my face in the window? I hope you are feeling guilty." Perhaps the heart felt, "I'm planning to tear up everything in the house. It is my gift to you for leaving me behind." These are the kind of "tweets" most of us would send. By the way, if a dog sends them, couldn't they be called barks or wolfs. No self respecting dog wants to tweet to other dogs or humans. We do have our dignity to think about.

Demon Flash Bandit (My Opinion Of Tweeting Dogs)

Wishbone--Talented Dog!

I was thinking about how nice it would be to read a good book, but what book should I choose? I checked the Internet and imagine my surprise when I discovered the wonderful book, The Mutt in the Iron Muzzle, which is a book in the Wishbone series. Wishbone is well known in acting circles as being one of the best actors of all time. Wishbone has played such varying roles, that if he were human, he would have a shelf filled with Oscars, but the humans at the Academy refuse to recognize his genius because the humans are jealous that they can't do things as well as us dogs. I was so excited to see that I could order this book at Amazon because it looks like good reading to me. I plan to order the book in hardback so it can be a permanent addition to my library. Yes, I have a library. Don't all dogs? Humans might build their homes without libraries, but dogs have sophisticated taste in such things. Sure, some things I would like to have and don't--like a theatre room, but my funds are limited and a dog can't have all the things he would like to have. I will tell you that if I had a theatre room, the seats would have a built in water holder, and holders for dog dishes that can be filled with Yummy Chummies, Milkbones, Bit o Chicken, and other treats. A dog does enjoy a snack while he watches a movie, and you don't want to have to get up and get the snack after the movie starts. I would also make sure there is an air conditioning vent above each chair. I like cold--after all, I am a Siberian Husky. Although this blog is about literature, I would love to see Mutt in the Iron Muzzle turned into a movie starring that great actor, Wishbone. Other books that can be ordered with Wishbone as the main character are Moby Dog and Be a Wolf. Wishbone is so good with classic literature. I'm assuming this is because he is a dog, and he has very high class taste because of his dogness. For those of you who would like to read some classically good literature, I recommend Wishbone books highly. I am going to stop writing now so I can go to Amazon and order these treasures. If you don't have your own library, perhaps you can check them out at your local library. I'm sure all the libraries have them in their Wishbone section.

Demon Flash Bandit (Literary Dog)

Head em Up, Move Em Out---RAWHIDE

Mommy and I often watch old television programs which is okay with this dog. However, I am wondering why we have never watched one that sounds intriguing to me: Rawhide. This must have been the best television show of its time. I am wondering why it was ever cancelled. I know I never lose interest in my rawhide bones. The great actor, Clint Eastwood was in it and he even guest starred on an episode of Mr. Ed so you know he was a great actor in his time. You know a horse would not allow him on his show if he wasn't very talented. Because I want to watch the show, I have been busy making signs that say, "let's watch Rawhide". I am hoping that Mommy will get the hint. If not, I will have to take further measures to insure that I get to watch this television show. If she doesn't figure it out, I might even just have to go to Amazon and order it myself. The humans aren't good at taking a dog's suggestions. Now that I think about it, I'll just go get some plastic money out of Mommy's purse and order it for myself. I'm sure she won't mind. I'll just have them send it directly to me, Demon Flash Bandit. Another problem solved by the dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants to Watch Rawhide)