Demon Flash Bandit: Royal Hat Maker

It is one of those days when there isn't much to write about so I decided that it would be a good day to put my paws to work on something creative. I decided to make a hat that would be worthy of being worn by one of the British royal family. Okay, I admit, I chose them because, judging from all the silly hats they wear, they can't be hard to please when it comes to hats. I just hope my hat isn't too elegant for them. I started with a big box of Milkbones. Keep in mind, you do need the big box, and it isn't just so you can eat more milkbones although that is a bonus. You want a nice size hat that the other humans will be able to see-preferably from space. Cut a round, head size hole on one side of the milkbone box. This is how the human will put it on their head. You know it has to be a human wearing it...a dog would not wear a hat that is so silly! The hat needs to have milkbones "glued" all over it. This is best accomplished with peanutbutter. The peanutbutter will hold them on and when you decide to eat them, they will taste even better with the added peanutbutter. A plush squeaky toy should be "glued" to the top of the hat-again with peanutbutter. You can never use too much peanutbutter--ask any dog about that, and you will get the same answer. You can add other things too--like dingo bones, rawhide bones, etc. It is entirely up to the individual. This hat is not only silly, but it also serves a purpose which is more than I can say for most of the silly hats the royal family usually wears. The hat will be useful if you get hungry, bored, or just want something on which to chew. I just finished mine, and it is lovely. I know the royal family would pay me a zillion dollars for such a materpiece, but I think I'll keep it. I don't plan to wear it, but it looks delicious!

Demon Flash Bandit (Making Hats Fit for Royalty)

Cell Phones for Dogs

Today is Thanksgiving, and I have decided to write about the things that I am most thankful that I have. First, of course, are my humans who take care of me, and love me. However, there are also many other things that make life worth living. Dingo bones, milkbones, rawhide bones, real bones....you might have noticed a theme, and it is true--I do enjoy a good bone! I also enjoy my toys. I don't play with them as much as I did when I was a puppy, but I still like to get new toys and I like to have them around to make me feel important. Now if only the humans will get me my own cell phone so that I can bark with my doggy pals, that would make life even better. Believe me, I have listened to the converstions the humans have, and nothing they have to say is that important. I have far more important things to bark about! I guess I'll have to ask Santa Paws for one because the humans don't seem to think a dog needs his own cell phone. Once again, the humans should not be allowed to think...it is too hard for them.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Needs His Own Cell Phone)

I Won a Very Important Award!!!

The nice people at Dingo sent me a bag of their grill house bac-n crisps. I actually won them--it wasn't even because I'm a world famous blogger! Talk about being lucky---I was thrilled. I had never tried them, but they are delicious!!!! I recommend them highly to all dogs who are reading this. The Dingo company, the smart dogs (or possibly humans) who came up with the idea of putting meat in the middle of a rawhide bone have come up with another winner!!! These treats are made with real meat, and real meat is something dogs love! Tell our humans to get you some. If you don't want to wait for the humans to get it done, go to www.dingobrand.com and order some for yourself. All you need is that piece of plastic in your human's wallet. I can't think of anything better to use it for than dingo products. The humans would probably just use it on something stupid anyway. You know how they are. Tell the dingo people that Demon Flash Bandit sent you. They won't know what you are talking about so that makes it funny!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Dingo Grill House Bac-n Crisps)

Dogs Have to Bark

Today's blog is about an incident that happened in Mason, Ohio. A police officer, Bradley Walker, was at a bar investigating a car crash. His K9 dog was with him, and was sitting in the police car. It seems that Officer Bradley Walker returned to the car to find the police dog was barking uncontrollably. Ryan James Stevens, age 25, was barking at the police dog. Officer Bradley Walker then gave Stevens a ticket for "teasing a police dog". Stevens claimed the dog started it. I got in touch with the police dog for a personal interview, this is how it actually happened. I'm not sure why Officer Walker didn't ask for the dog's version of the story in the first place, but you know how stupid the humans can be when dogs are involved. It turns out that the dog did start barking, but he was merely saying hello, and stay away from my rawhide bone which I have with me in the car. Obviously, Stevens was one of those humans who has a thing for rawhide bones owned by other dogs, so he started barking out all sorts of insults at the dog. He called him a cat. He told him that he is no better than a bird. He even told him that squirrels are smarter than him. He said he was going to steal the rawhide bone. Of course, the police dog had to bark a few things back like, "you know I'm a police dog, and you are going to get a ticket, you stupid human". As you can see, the dog was right. Dogs don't tend to bark without good reason. It could be the wind blowing a leaf or food on the table, but we always have a good reason to bark. The humans should know that. Demon Flash Bandit (Police Dog Had To Bark)

Circling Life in a Gran Torino

I was chewing on a rawhide bone and watching the movie, Gran Torino, which is a good movie despite it not having any dogs in it. In fact, some of it was filmed in the Detroit area, which is very smart for a movie about a retired autoworker. They generally either live in Michigan or they take off to Florida to retire. My dad was an autoworker who would have loved the title of the movie. This is the man who tried to use a car name for every one of his sons except the one named after him. Mommy did not know this at the time, but if she has also been a car devotee, she would have known in advance that Shelby was the name of a Mustang. Anyway, Daddy would tell you that any movie with a car in it is almost as good as having a dog--not as good of course, but you know the movie is trying. I happen to like cars myself. There is nothing more fun than a good ride. I just wish the humans would let me stick my head out the window. I hear that is really fun. Anyway, Clint Eastwood starred in this movie, and while I was laying there chewing on my rawhide bone, I realized that he has been an actor for a very long time. In fact, he starred in a television show that has won the Dogsie award for Best Title of a Television Show of All Time---Rawhide. It had no problem winning that award--what dog wouldn't choose Rawhide? Anyway, because Clint Eastwood has been acting for so long, I realized something when I was watching the movie. He has went from playing in Rawhide to becoming Rawhide--you know how old skin gets nice and leathery. I mean no insult to this very talented actor, but it made me realize that what that lion said in Lion King about the Circle of Life is true. I suppose that sometimes you can even learn from cats. In fact, I am as finicky about food as cats, and I get mostly Burger King and chicken. Yes, the cats finickyness works. I also have to commend cats for eating birds. Cats can be annoying, but they do have their good points. Anyway, I highly recommend Gran Torino as a movie to watch if you want to see only humans. Sadly, way too many movies do not star dogs!

Demon Flash Bandit (Circle of Life)

Head em Up, Move Em Out---RAWHIDE

Mommy and I often watch old television programs which is okay with this dog. However, I am wondering why we have never watched one that sounds intriguing to me: Rawhide. This must have been the best television show of its time. I am wondering why it was ever cancelled. I know I never lose interest in my rawhide bones. The great actor, Clint Eastwood was in it and he even guest starred on an episode of Mr. Ed so you know he was a great actor in his time. You know a horse would not allow him on his show if he wasn't very talented. Because I want to watch the show, I have been busy making signs that say, "let's watch Rawhide". I am hoping that Mommy will get the hint. If not, I will have to take further measures to insure that I get to watch this television show. If she doesn't figure it out, I might even just have to go to Amazon and order it myself. The humans aren't good at taking a dog's suggestions. Now that I think about it, I'll just go get some plastic money out of Mommy's purse and order it for myself. I'm sure she won't mind. I'll just have them send it directly to me, Demon Flash Bandit. Another problem solved by the dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants to Watch Rawhide)

Fashion--Pocket Protectors for Dogs

Since so many humans dress their dogs, this dog was wondering if there are any fashions that a dog could wear that might actually be useful. It took a lot of thought because you can basically make a human wear any silly thing as long as other humans want to wear that product. If some fashion guru tells them to walk around carrying a stuffed cat in the hat, you would see cat in the hats everywhere. Thus, a dog knows that most fashionable items are completely unnecessary. Sure, there were the obvious choices like raincoats and sweaters. They can be useful, but I had to wonder--are they the only useful clothing items a dog can wear? It was then that I remembered seeing some photos from the past. Back in the 50's and 60's, a lot of human men wore pocket protectors to protect their shirt pockets from being damaged by leaking pens or small tools. They are still around, but they aren't considered as cool to wear. How can they be as cool as wearing a t shirt with a catchy phrase such as "The Voices in My Head Told Me To"? By the way, if a human is wearing a shirt like that, I think it best not to ask what the voices told him or her to do since you don't want to have to be killed because you know too much. But I digress, the pocket protector is a useful item, and I was wondering--how could one be put to use by a dog? I don't normally wear shirts with pockets, and if I did, I wouldn't be worried about protecting the shirt since I don't want to wear a shirt in the first place. However, I did think of a great way for a dog to use one. If they were made with a little slit where it could be fastened to a dog's collar, it would go from being a pocket protector to being a pocket to carry my rawhide bones. I have yet to meet a dog who doesn't like rawhide bones and who wouldn't mind a way to carry them around with him or her. Yes, I think this product could take the doggy world by storm. The humans do love to spend their money on their dogs. I might add that for those of you humans who would like to buy a pocket protector, you can go to this website, http://www.pocketprotector.com. I want to dedicate this blog to my human brother, Robert, who died of cancer 8 years ago. He loved pocket protectors, and he was a senior at Michigan State University when he died. I never got to meet him, but I know how much my humans miss him. If he thought they were wonderful, this dog is not going to question their value.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Likes to Have Rawhides With Me At All Times)