Psychics

Today I am going to discuss psychics....you know the dogs who can predict the future. I do think it is possible for a dog to be able to do this, but most of the dogs I have met who do so are frauds. I am writing this as a public service to help you know if the psychic you are giving dingo bones to is real or a fake. I am going to tell you how to know the difference by using the experiences of someone I know who has been to a psychic, that in my opinion, is a fraud. I am going to give you a script of an actual reading of someone I know who had a reading by the fraudulent psychic.

Psychic:
I am getting a message from the other side. Do you know anyone with a D in their name.

Psychee:
It must be my Aunt Doris, my Uncle Daniel, or my friend, Danielle.

Psychic: I'm seeing an older person.

Psychee: That is my Aunt Doris. She was a teacher for 30 years, and died of a heart attack 2 weeks before her birthday.

Psychic: I sense that your aunt was a teacher. She lived a full life, and had a heart attack.

Psychee: That is right! How did you ever know? Does she have any messages for me?

Psychic: Yes, she does. She said you should give the psychic double the fee and come back every week or you will end up dying one day.

Pyschee: Wow, it is great that Aunt Doris is still watching out for me beyond the grave. I'll do exactly what she says.

Psychic: Do you have a dog who has crossed over.

Psychee: Why yes, I do. I had him for 15 years, and his name was Coal. He was such a good dog. Does he have a message for me?

Psychic: Yes, he does. He says Wolf Wolf.

Psychee: That sounds just like him. He used to bark a lot, and seldom used human language.

If only the pyschee had known that the translation of wolf wolf was; "you are still an idiot, human, go home and quit wasting your money!"

Now you know how fake psychics fool people. Sadly, it isn't that hard to fool many of the humans!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Psychics)

My Crystal Bone is Safe!

It seems that the actress, Bryce Dallas Howard, thinks she might be psychic. I immediately went to check on my crystal bone. Since I did my psychic blog in which I predict the future, I had to make sure that Bryce had not broken into my house and stolen my precious crystal bone. Thank dog it is still there! I think she is just trying to copy me because all the celebrites want to be more like me, Demon Flash Bandit. To be honest, I can't blame them. I am one awesome dog! Besides, I bet they want to eat Burger King more often too.

I saw on the news that Texas has sent a sales tax bill to Amazon.com for 269 million dollars. Someone should inform the state of Texas that sales tax is paid by the buyers--not the merchant, and therefore, the tax should be levied in advance so the merchant knows to charge said tax. If I owned Amazon, I would shut down the Texas distribution center immediately and move it elsewhere. Some states would actually welcome the distribution center. I'm waiting to see if the humans running Amazon think logically like Demon Flash Bandit or not. You would be surprised at just how illogical some of the humans can be. I'm not saying that Amazon should or should not charge sales tax, but you should not send a bill until it is legally decided and the business has a chance to make the charge. Shame on Texas for not having common sense.

It is windy here today, and I hear the stupid tornado siren going off so I'd better sign off now.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sometimes a Political Commentator)

Weather Predictions

After I wrote about my psychic visions seen in my crystal bone in yesterday's blog, today I have decided to predict the weather. Since my blog is read all over the world, I will cover all areas. I think my predictions will prove more accurate than those of local meteorologists simply because I happen to have attended meteorology school--The University of Weather. You can't get a more prestigious degree for weather forecasting than one from there. I know that many activities depend on the weather so I'm sure this will be very helpful, and you don't even have to thank me--I'm glad to do it.

I predict that the weather will be hot, cold or in between. There will be sunshine, rain, snow, sleet, or hail. Also the possibilities of a tornado, hurricane, or tsunami exist. There could be no wind, heavy winds, or calm winds. Flooding is possible as is arid weather. Perhaps there will be an earthquake.

I'm sure all of my readers will rest easier knowing what the weather will be like. As you have noticed, I make sure that my weather reports are never wrong. A dog like me has a reputation to uphold. Now I will just sit back and wait to be hired by a major network news show or the Weather Channel. As you can see, I am the most qualified for the job since I am amazingly accurate.

May your area have nice weather!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Meteorologist)

Reading my Crystal Bone

As a special treat for my readers, I have decided to use my talent as Demon Flash Bandit, Psychic Dog, to predict the future. I looked into my Crystal Bone and these are the events that I saw come to pass.



1. The actress, Lindsey Lohan, will continue drug rehab for the rest of her life. I do not see a successful future career for her unless she can get roles involving being on drugs.



2. A new car will be manufactured that runs on coffee, and people will report that they have trouble getting it started in the morning.



3. Newspapers will be replaced by netbook computers which the paper boy will throw on people's roofs everyday--unless he decides to break a window.



4. Humans will finally declare war on birds.



5. Cats will actually act happy to see their owners as more of them are replaced by dogs due to the loyalty that dogs show to their humans.



6. In politics, the Tea Party will make tea.



7. Obamacare will be such a rousing success that the Republicans will start calling it Wcare, but it will make them look stupid because most of the humans will think it stands for Whocares.



8. Arnold Swarzen--however you spell his name-gubenator of California will be replaced by Kermit the Frog, and California's economy will improve.



9. The big sled race in Alaska, Iditarod, will have all the dogs following one of the lead dogs, Demon Flash Bandit, to Burger King's drive thru in Anchorage. I have to admit this one is cheating a bit since I have already decided to do this.



Now, you can sit back and wait for my skill as a psychic to be proven.



Demon Flash Bandit (Psychic Dog)