Ground Hogs: Stealing Flags from a Cemetery!

A Civil War cemetery in which veterans are buried in New York has been having a problem with United States flags being stolen from the graves. A camera was set up to find the culprit (or culprits) and it turned out that groundhogs have been stealing the flags from the graves. I can only assume that they are very patriotic groundhogs. Perhaps they are trying to get some attention that they usually only get on Ground Hog's Day (February 2), but I think that this problem could be easily solved if dogs were put on guard duty. We dogs would enjoy chasing them down, and I suspect that the ground hogs wouldn't be so quick to steal flags if they see a dog protecting the cemetery. I know a lot of dogs who would volunteer for this job particularly if they get to eat any ground hogs they catch! I hope that the local authorities have the good sense to think of dogs in this situation. We are always helping the humans! Chasing after ground hogs would just be a bonus!

Demon Flash Bandit (Guard Dog)

Movie Review: Abraham Lincon: Vampire Hunter

Today I am going to give my movie review of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. This movie shows a side of Honest Abe that most of us have never seen--that of a vampire hunter. Sure, we know he was a lawyer and a President, but until this book and movie came out, how many of us knew about his secret and most important career as a vampire hunter? This is why the Civil War was so horrible. Vampires were fighting in the south, and they are a lot harder to kill than regular people. The tide turned at Gettysburg when Lincoln remembered what it takes to kill vampires and managed to get that product through to the troops. I think it is a safe bet that this book and screenplay was not written by a southerner. I'm wondering when the next movie: George Washington: Zombie Killer will be out in theatres. The movie was okay, but it got a little boring at times.....you can only kill so many vampires before it gets kind of redundant. I give this movie 2 paws up because it is not a great movie, but I've seen a lot worse. On the human movie rating system, it gets a 5 out of 10.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reviewer)

Movie Review: John Carter

Today I am going to share a movie review of John Carter. John Carter is a Confederate veteran of the Civil War who ends up on the planet Mars which gives him some cool powers that he didn't have on Earth. Carter is initially fed up with war so, when a war is occurring on Mars, he wants no part of it. He meets a Princess of Mars. Of course, for those of you who enjoy action, there is plenty of that. However, the best part of the movie was a Martian creature that had to be the Martian equivilent of a dog. He made the movie worth watching as only a dog-or a dog substitute can. I think it is worth seeing the movie just to watch the Martian "dog". I give this movie 4 Martian dog paws up and a Martian dog tail wag which is an 8 out of 10 on the humans movie scale. Go to the theatre, grab yourself a box of milkbones from the concession stand, and enjoy a good movie--John Carter. Tell the theatre Demon Flash Bandit recommended the movie!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Review: John Carter)

I Plan To Order Some Snow!!!

Although I don't pull a sled, my breed is a working breed that was bred for pulling sleds in the frozen north. This means that I LOVE snow and ice. I don't just LOVE it, I L-O-V-E it!!! This is why I am very excited about finding this product on the Internet. It is a powder that makes snow! Yes, you can have snow even in hot months like August with this super wonderful product. The ad does not say if it is cold or not, but an hour or two in a refrigerator or freezer should take care of that problem if it is not already cold. Imagine the wonderful feel of snow on your paws, the fun of getting it on your nose. I am ready to place an order now. I just have to go and get that plastic thing out of my human's purse. For those who love snow as much as I do, here is the address:
http://www.vat19.com/dvds/trailertheater.cfm?productID=851724001893
Of course, it may be on back-order since I plan to buy all they have. It isn't everyday that I find such a "cool" product on the Internet.

I was looking at the Internet news and I ran across this little gem of an article. It is an item for sale on ebay which, according to the seller, is the actor Nicholas Cage, when he was alive during the U.S. Civil War. Here is the article for those who want to see it for themselves.
http://blog.moviefone.com/2011/09/16/nicolas-cage-19th-century-photo-ebay/
He is asking a large sum for the photo, but I wouldn't buy it. I have noticed that humans, very much like dogs, have other humans who look a lot like them. I think it was probably someone who just had a resemblance to Cage, but not the Cage living today. However, you can't blame the seller for hoping that some idiot will buy the photo and pay him the price he is seeking. If an art museum can sell invisible art (which I have covered in a previous blog), why not a photo of someone who looked like Nicholas Cage who lived a long time ago. It might even be an ancestor which could explain the resemblance--or would that be too sane for the seller?

Demon Flash Bandit

A Dog Does Not Need Human Accompaniment!

It is Balloonfest Weekend here in Howell, Michigan which means that humans are full of more hot air than usual. (Dogs love that joke.) There are a lot of activities going on including a B52 fly over from the Yankee Air Force which is based in Ypsilanti, Michigan. I'm not quite sure why a band is flying over, but I hope they will be playing music because this dog enjoys music. I actually learned something about history because of the Balloonfest. Up until today, I had no idea that either side had airplanes during the Civil War. Obviously there were airplanes because that is why it is called the Yankee Air Force. There is also a Confederate Air Force (based in Texas) so that must have been the first war to use airplanes. I am so glad that I can use my blog to entertain and teach serious history lessons too. This is why my readers are so smart!

I live within a mile of the Festival grounds so I am hoping that one of the balloons will land in my yard. I've got an anti-aircraft gun on my deck to "help" any balloon that might fly over decide to land here. I heard that when a hot air balloon lands in some one's yard, they have to give the humans a bottle of champagne, but I'm going to demand Bowser Beer instead. I want to try it, and so far, my humans have not ordered any for me so this is my chance! Normally, I don't approve of guns, but I have to assume that shooting at a balloon doesn't count since they aren't alive.

My humans used to go to the Balloonfest every year, but now it is too much walking for Mommy. This is the disadvantage of having older humans because they can't do as much as the younger ones. The advantage is that they usually spend more time with a dog! Angel Zoom Smokey knows how to work the system around here. The last time Mommy was sick and in bed, that rascal was getting 3 hour tummy rubs. I warned Mommy that Angel was going to be spoiled. Do the humans listen? All us dogs know they don't. Yes, Angel Zoom Smokey is one SPOILED dog!

Anyway, there is a bunch of stuff going on at the Festival including an arts and crafts show. There are people selling dog related items so I think I should be allowed to go there without the humans and look around. We dogs like to shop too! It wouldn't be any trouble for the humans. I can walk or drive myself. I happen to be a better driver than 75% of the human drivers on the road. I admit that the human drivers can hold up their middle fingers when they signal, and we dogs have trouble doing that, but I think I could learn to hold up a middle claw. If that is too difficult, I can get a fake hand to use when necessary.

I have to go now. It is time to sit out on the deck to "watch for the balloons. HAHAHAHAHA

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants to Attend the Local Balloonfest!)

Trees Being Bothered By Birds

As a dog, I take my job of keeping the forests watered very seriously--as do all my fellow dogs. This is particularly true of dogwood trees. Any tree that wants to be a dog gets special attention from the canines. As I was watering one of the dogwood trees yesterday, I noticed that the dogwood tree, as all other trees, was being annoyed by birds. Birds were sitting on its branches and when I asked the tree if the birds had a deed to the branch, the tree said the bird did not. The birds just take over like the tree branches belong to them without even consulting with a tree estate agent or anything. Meanwhile, the tree just stands there unable to do anything to stop the evil bird from hanging out there or even building a nest on a branch because trees can't move. This is one reason that I, Demon Flash Bandit, have infiltrated Twitter. I wasn't anxious to join a site that has a stupid bird as its logo, but I realized that by being on Twitter, I can be a dog spy in the war against birds. I hope that someday a dogwood tree-or any other tree-can stand proud and not worry about a feathered varmint bothering it. For those of you who want to follow me on Twitter, my Twitter name is DemonFlashHusky. I would also recommend you follow one of my pals, BronxZooRhino. He is a funny guy who thinks that just because the cobra and the peacock have escaped from the Bronx Zoo that he will be able to escape too. Remember, it may say I am posting a tweet, but in my case, it is a howl or bark!

Demon Flash Bandit (Protecting Trees From Birds)

Only Real Enemy: BIRDS!!!

Today marks the 150th anniversary of the start of the Civil War in the United States. Of course, tension had been building up for a long time prior to the shots fired at Fort Sumter. The fort had been under siege-like conditions for months prior to the attack. The south wanted to secede from the United States, and the north wanted to keep the union intact. Before the whole thing was over, a lot of people died and many people were wounded. If you ask my opinion, the whole thing was a waste. This is why I think that all warfare should be directed at the real arch enemy of the planet--BIRDS!!! I don't like them, and I think they are only useful as snack food. Once again, they have stolen my snow. Just a few months ago, a dog could go out and enjoy a yard full of lovely, white, cold snow. Now the birds have stolen it yet again and are singing about their triumph as I write this blog. I speak fluent bird, and their main song is "ha ha, I stole the dogs' snow". I can't even go and bite them because my humans (typical of their species) don't appreciate how horrible the birds really are. They think they are cute and sing sweet songs. I only wish the humans could speak bird as I do. Then they would not be fooled by the birds and their songs. However, on the original topic of the anniversary of the Civil War, it is sad when the humans decide to fight each other no matter where they are or what it is about. Maybe one day they will realize that and learn to get along with each other. If a dog and cat can get along, then there is hope for the humans. Demon Flash Bandit (War is Stupid)

I Checked my Crystal Ball

I happened to look into my crystal ball and I foresaw a new Civil War in the United States between the north and south. This war became more complicated than the one in the 1860s because the Yankees, many of whom were able to infiltrate the south, and fit in with the Rebels were able to find out battle plans in advance. How did they do it? They mimicked a southern accent, and they wore Dukes of Hazzard T-shirts. This made them fit right into the south, and the southerners never realized that they were not really from there. The south decided to use General Lee as their lead general. The big problem with this was that The Dodge Charger, General Lee, was not an expert on military strategy. In fact, the car wasn't good at all at giving orders. It mainly wanted to drive around jumping over stuff. As in the first war, the south lost. It might have been sadder had anyone actually knew what they were fighting about. From what I saw in my Crystal ball, it looks like you can't give rednecks guns. They will use them. I should send that one to Jeff Foxworthy. You might be a redneck if you shoot first, shoot last, and then find out if you should have shot in the first place. I might add that Mommy is a southerner, and not all are rednecks--just the ones who are shooting from their pickup trucks.

If all goes as planned, I will be announcing the winner of the husky Christmas ornament tomorrow. Good luck to the contenders.

By the way, pumpkin is not good for a dog's tummy. I found this out when I ate a bag of Halloween pumpkin shaped candy. Mommy says I ate too much, but how do you stop when it is so good?

Demon Flash Bandit (Seer)