Movie Review: Abraham Lincon: Vampire Hunter

Today I am going to give my movie review of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. This movie shows a side of Honest Abe that most of us have never seen--that of a vampire hunter. Sure, we know he was a lawyer and a President, but until this book and movie came out, how many of us knew about his secret and most important career as a vampire hunter? This is why the Civil War was so horrible. Vampires were fighting in the south, and they are a lot harder to kill than regular people. The tide turned at Gettysburg when Lincoln remembered what it takes to kill vampires and managed to get that product through to the troops. I think it is a safe bet that this book and screenplay was not written by a southerner. I'm wondering when the next movie: George Washington: Zombie Killer will be out in theatres. The movie was okay, but it got a little boring at times.....you can only kill so many vampires before it gets kind of redundant. I give this movie 2 paws up because it is not a great movie, but I've seen a lot worse. On the human movie rating system, it gets a 5 out of 10.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reviewer)

Interest: I'm not Interested!

I have been seeing a lot of stuff in the news about banks and the economy which is in something the humans call a recession. I personally think this is silly since it isn't like the money just disappeared. I'm sure there are some humans causing trouble (as usual), but I will take this opportunity to share a letter I sent to my bank. The humans might put up with the banks' shenanigans, but dogs do not!

Dear Blood Sucking Vampires, Leeches, Ticks, Fleas, Birds, MothMan, the Chebacapra Dude, Freddy Krueger, Barbarians, Tom Cruise, Teletubbies, and Barney the Purple Dinosaur,
(This is always the proper salutation to use when dealing with bankers.)

Your bank gave me 5 million dollars to buy a new doghouse. I thought it was very sweet of you to think of me, and I can only assume that you enjoyed my blog. However, my initial appreciation quickly turned to annoyance when you sent me a payment book and expected me to give you the 5 million dollars back---WITH INTEREST!!!! I don't even see why you call it interest since I am not "interested" in paying you back more than you sent me in the first place. You should know that if you give a dog 5 million dollars, that dog don't hunt Monsignor. In fact, I am paying humans to carry me from place to place, and I hired another dog to do my peeing for me. What do you expect a dog with 5 million dollars to do? Do his own peeing? I think not! Did you really expect me to read all the boring blah, blah, blah stuff on the paperwork I pawtographed. I thought you were just asking for my pawtograph because of my fame as a blogger.

Just so you will know the money was well spent, 2 million was given to charity--the Demon Flash Bandit fund for Demon Flash Bandit. Another 2 million was spent on a robot dog of me so that I can do my whining in stereo. The last million was spent on Burger King gift cards, milkbones, and dingo bones. I bet you feel like a bunch of nitwits now expecting a dog to give you back money that is already spent. I do have a word of advice for your bank in the future. Don't expect a dog to pay you back. You can only expect such silliness from the humans.

Thanks again for the 5 million dollar gift. I am enjoying it.

Love, Demon Flash Bandit

P.S. I just watched Sesame Street and the reason Oscar the Grouch is such a grouch is because you bankers repossessed his home and he is having to live in a garbage can. I think all of you should be locked up and forced to watch the telvision program, Mister Rogers. I can't think of a worse punishment than that.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing A Letter)

Dylan Dog

I went to see the movie, Dylan Dog, yesterday because the title made it sound like a "must see" movie. Whenever a movie involves a dog, it makes me want to see it. I enjoyed the movie, but I have to report that there was no dog in the movie. However, Brandon Routh's character was named Dylan Dog. I liked the movie because it is always nice to see a human who wants to be a dog so much that he calls himself a dog. In the near future, I will be posting a movie review of Dylan Dog on my brother's site, http://www.silverscreenhub.com/ . I should add that I think it is very intelligent on my brother's part to cover movie reviews from a dog's point of view. The movie has vampires, werewolves, and zombies so I can only imagine how big it is going to be for the "tween" girls in the audiences since so many of them love the Twilight series. Dylan Dog has both vampires and werewolves with the additional zombies with which teenage girls tend to love. I don't think I have to tell you that teen-age girls are always asking if they can be matched with a zombie because they are so handsome. Additionally, a zombie boyfriend tends to do what he is told which probably is going to make them very popular with older women too. I've heard the women complain about the human men not wanting to carry out the garbage and do other household chores, but a zombie man will do what he is told. In fact, when it comes to garbage, he might even eat some of it for you thus reducing the amount of trash that has to go to a landfill.
I do think the movie could have been improved with the addition of some zombie dogs to the cast.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing My Opinion of the Movie Dylan Dog)

Royal Wedding Zombie TShirts

With the royal wedding happening in the spring, I thought my readers would like to read a copy of the letter I just mailed to my friend, The Queen Lady, Elizabeth II.

Dear Queen Lady,

I know you are super busy planning the royal wedding for your grandson, but I was just wondering what you think of the tshirts that depict the couple as zombies. I can understand if you approved them because zombies seem to be quite popular, and it would help increase your household budget. It just didn't seem like something of which you would approve. I also wanted to suggest that, given the popularity of the movie Twilight, you might suggest vampire tshirts and/or werewolf tshirts. You have to act while the wedding is big news. When it is over, it will be hard to sell these items. I think the Lego HappyLand Royal Wedding set is a good idea. If you want the money from the small children, you have to go with toys because they don't tend to care much about clothing. I do think that you should consider marketing a video game of the wedding. I could see several versions that would be big sellers. For girls, you can let them plan a "dream" wedding even down to designing their own gown. For the boys, you can have something more unusual (like zombies taking over the wedding).

I do hope that you have approved of all of these items because I know how it is being famous. Many times I have found Demon Flash Bandit items on sale that did not get my approval. I usually solve the problem by sending in Angel Zoom Smokey to give out some puppy slaps of justice. She said to tell you that if you need her, she is available.

I do hope the wedding goes well, and that you are able to keep any stupid merchandise from being sold.

Your pal, Demon Flash Bandit

I'm sure my readers will be rushing to order their own zombie tshirts.

Demon Flash Bandit (Zombie Tshirts are Cool)

My Opinion of People's Choice for Best Movie

The People's Choice Awards chose Twilight as the best movie overall. I think once again, this shows how stupid the humans are. Let a dog bite someone even if the person deserves it, and the humans put the dog in a cage and the dog faces a possible execution. However, let vampires and werewolves run amok and the humans make it the best movie of the year. I would think the humans had lost any sense of good taste. However, I also know that with that award, the humans can vote multiple times. Many of the humans, including the ones around here, never bother to vote at all. I guess tweens have a lot of time on their paws for voting. I really don't mind Twilight having fans who love it, but this dog hardly thinks it was the best movie of the year. In my opinion, it wasn't even the best movie of the month. I would vote for Marmaduke above Twilight. Who needs werewolves when you can have cute dogs starring in a movie?

Speaking of movies, my humans saw The Fighter, and they said it was an excellent movie. Jeff said it is a fantastic piece of human film making although it would be greatly improved with dogs. Humans are stupid, and, not to put down The Fighter, if it had an all dog cast, it would win all the awards, and no audience member would not like it. I, I mean Demon Flash Bandit, would be perfect for the lead role. Remember, this is Jeff's review and not mine. For a human, he is very wise--almost as intelligent as a dog like myself.

I've got to go and do some movie research or take a nap--I'm not sure which I will do.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Another Vampire Television Show: New Ideas Needed!

Mommy went to see the movie, Prince of Persia, yesterday, which she said was a good movie for those who might be wondering. However, she is not a fan of the commercial ads that so many theatres seem to think are important to show before they show movie trailers of soon to be released movies. Don't even get her started--you pay to see the movie, and then they make you watch commercials. Of course, many movie patrons have decided to start coming later so they manage to miss the ads. I suspect that is what they are trying to do. Anyway, one of the ads was for a new television show called The Gates. Mommy is of the opinion that the entertainment market has already been over saturated by vampires and should find some new and more interesting subjects. Do you really expect us to believe that there are that many vampire actors to fill all these roles? Most vampires like to keep a low profile because the entire world is not filled with their fans. My human daddy had one set of grandparents that came from the Carpathian Mountains of Transylvania in Romania, and his mother took the whole vampire subject very seriously. I suppose if you live near Count Vlad's (Dracule's) castle, the subject might be a bit closer to home than for those of us in other parts of the world. I think most of us wouldn't want to meet up with a vampire if they did exist yet so many Twilight fans seem to think it is the most romantic thing in the world. Personally, this dog thinks romance goes out the window once stealing the human's blood is involved. I have yet to hear a date account that goes like this: "yes it was so romantic. After dinner, we sat and talked and my very pale boyfriend decided to bite my neck and drink my blood. Sure, Dracula was romantic in the movie, Love At First Bite, but Twilight is just silly if you ask this dog. If I meet a girl who wants to drink my blood, she is in for a fight. I can bite back, and I have nice strong Siberian Husky teeth. If God had meant for blood to be a drink, he would have put it in soda dispensers. I hope everyone is having a nice weekend, and I would suggest if you meet a vampire, do the sensible thing and run away--a dog can never be too careful!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Vampires)