Forests Hide Werewolves!

Prince Charles has announced that he and Vlad the Impaler of Romania are relatives. If any family has a right to complain about relatives attending holiday dinners, I think the English royal family is among them. Can you imagine having Thanksgiving dinner with Vlad the Impaler? If the dinner is at his castle, you would have to go through a forest of humans who are impaled to trees to get to the castle. By the time you get there, I would have lost my appetite! I know that any of us can have ancestors that we aren't particularly proud of. I'm sure I probably have some Siberian Husky relative who has even helped out a bird, although I would hope that dog just didn't realize how evil birds are when he made that mistake. However, if I found out that I had a relative who did that, I would be trying to keep it quiet, but that is because I have pride which obviously, the British royal family does not. I know they have no pride because I saw the stupid hats being worn at the royal wedding. A human with pride does not show up wearing a hat that looks like something a space alien would refuse to wear. I'm not kidding. It would not have surprised me if I had seen someone wearing a cone shaped hat made from aluminum foil!

Anyway, Prince Charles has bought some land in Romania, and he says the forests in Transylvania are a national treasure. Being a dog, I happen to like trees, and I have done my part to help keep them watered. However, I'm not sure if having a forest in an area that has werewolves is a wise idea. I know this because one of my human great grandmothers came from Romania, and she talked about werewolves. She had to carry a stick to keep them at bay. I guess if Prince Charles wants to take his chances with the werewolves, that is his business; but I doubt that they care if he is the Prince of Great Britain. I suspect werewolves pay little attention to titles like that. I hope he doesn't meet up with one because they sound kind of mean!

Just so you know that I am not making this news story up, go to this web address to read all about it:
http://www.inquisitr.com/154582/vlad-the-impaler-prince-charles/

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Talking About Werewolves)

Robot Demon Flash Bandit

I was chosen as a diary pick today on www.dogster.com. I told the humans to rent me a limo so I can be driven around in style as a dog of my accomplishments deserves.

The recent royal wedding captured the interest of many of the humans. However, I found a wedding video that is more interesting and I want to share it with my readers.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/02/pekingese-wedding-video-vintage-and-freaky-_n_946430.html
If you go to this site, I think you will agree with me. I enjoyed this wedding much, much better than the royal wedding.

Since I am a Siberian Husky, it just happens that I shed a lot of my fur. Some of the humans complain about this fact, but who cares what they think? Humans complain about just about everything anyway. I happen to be happy that we shed so much. Being a practical dog, I have found a use for all that fur. I am building a robot Demon Flash Bandit. There are times when a robot of dogself can be useful. For example, I like to take naps, and I have a special spot in the living room by the French doors. That area has a slate floor so it is cool, and I can look outside and enjoy the view of the things happening out there. Sometimes, while I'm in the middle of a nice nap, the humans call my name and expect me to come. Of course, many times I don't bother, but if I had a robot dog, I could send it instead. The humans would be happy, and I would not have to be disturbed from my nap. In face, the robot dog is almost finished, and I hate to brag (okay, I love to brag), I did an excellent job building it. I'm going to send it on a practice run to let Angel Zoom Smokey annoy it. That way she won't be bothering me. I am truly a doggy genius!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Doggy Genius)

Pool Playing Dog

Many of my readers are familiar with the painting, "dogs playing poker" because it is the most famous painting in history. All the art museums want to include it in their collections. Today I am going to share the link to a video which reminds me of that painting except it is a real dog. The dog is playing pool, and is quite talented at the game. The link is:
http://pettube.com/The%20hustler .

If the royal family had not slighted the first dog, Bo Obama, I would be attending the royal wedding tomorrow. Since I am not going, don't expect it to be too big an event. The humans aren't talented at making an event enjoyable and depend on us dogs to make it fun.

On a personal note, I would like to ask my readers to pray for the people in Ringgold, Georgia because part of the town was devastated by tornadoes. Mommy has relatives and friends there, and would appreciate the prayers of my readers for those people.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Do Everything Better than Humans)

King Sir Demon Flash Bandit

In one of my past entries, I wrote that I won't be attending the royal wedding due to the Queen not including Angel Zoom Smokey and my humans. The Queen Lady got quite upset because I wrote and told her I won't be attending as I had originally planned before she left out my family. This is the letter the Queen Lady sent me and as usual, I want to share it with my loyal readers.

Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
I'm so sorry for the oversight. Believe me, the person in charge of sending out the invitation is in deep trouble. As I told you in past letters, the entire family is looking forward to your attendence. In fact, you were the first on the guest list. I hope you will forgive the mistake, and rest assured that you and your family are all invited to the wedding. Please don't refuse to come because one of my subjects is an idiot.
Your friend, Queen Elizabeth

I do realize that these things do happen, but I still am not happy that she left out President and Mrs. Obama and the first dog, Bo. I have talked to Bo, and he was very upset. Besides, I found out that they serve fruit cake at the wedding, and no self respecting dog (or even human) will eat fruit cake. This is the reply I sent to her.

Dear Queen Lady,
To leave out the United States first dog and then to serve fruit cake at the wedding are two reasons that this dog won't attend. You know that I am a busy dog with lots of invitations, and you have crossed the line. Bo and I were planning to spend some time together, maybe play tug of war, and throw a ball back and forth to each other. It is about time members of the royal family like yourself understand that this dog is doing you a favor gracing you with my presence. As I told you previously, you have been a bad Queen Lady---BAD!!!
Love, Demon Flash Bandit

I wanted to share this information with my readers so the Queen Lady can't say that she didn't have a chance to get me to come to the wedding, but the mix-up with the invitations and then serving fruit cake has made it impossible for me to attend.

Demon Flash Bandit (True Royalty)

BAD QUEEN LADY!!! BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today's blog is an announcement that I will not be attending the royal wedding as I had originally planned. I was very annoyed that President and Michelle Obama had been snubbed by the royal family. I would still attend since I had told the Queen Lady that I would be there and I'm a dog of honor. However, when I got the invitations and found that she had snubbed Angel Zoom Smokey and my humans, my patience ran out. She had promised to include Angel Zoom Smokey, and Angel is one husky you don't leave out if you want Demon Flash Bandit to attend. Since the Queen Lady did not keep her promise to me and did not act with honor, I feel that I am justified in not going to the wedding. Sure, I know it will hurt the royal family, but they should have thought about the consequences before they acted so stupidly.

Besides, I found out that they are serving the "traditional" royal fruitcake at the wedding. Fruitcake is not served at weddings!!!! I don't care how traditional it is. Some traditions should be broken because they are stupid. Fruitcake is a Christmas item that you give as a gift. It is always a gift because no one in their right mind would buy it for themselves. Generally, it is given to the people you don't particularly like, but they are on your Christmas list and you have to get them something. I won't buy them as gifts myself because, I think even the dumbest of the humans know that it is a stupid gift to receive. However, they are great for the person who has everything because they can always give it to someone else the following year. There are 200 year old fruitcakes that are still being given as gifts each year. In fact, if they carbon dated a fruitcake and found it was originally made in ancient Egypt, it would not surprise me at all. You can't even get a dog to eat fruitcake and some dogs aren't even very picky, but they do draw the line at fruitcake. Even starving dogs have their standards! Anyway, I thought you might like to read the letter I am sending to the Queen Lady explaining why I won't be attending.

Dear Queen Lady,
I will not be attending the royal wedding because you did not include my adopted sister, Angel Zoom Smokey or my humans. I was annoyed enough that you left out the Obamas, but you stepped over the line when you left out my family. You had promised me that I could bring 3 guests. I can only assume you are being cheap. I understand about your budget which is how we became friends in the first place. I wrote and offered you a job mowing my yard. You wrote back because you appreciated my thoughtfulness, and we became friends. As a dog of honor, I would come but since you didn't keep your promise, I feel that it is okay if I don't keep mine. I also read that you are going to serve fruitcake at the wedding which only reinforces my idea that you are being cheap. No one eats fruitcake so you know that it will be "leftover". My guess is that you will make a cardboard fake cake which will be cheaper than the real thing since no one eats fruit cake anyway. I hope you realize that the monarchy is in trouble. What is the press going to say when Demon Flash Bandit does not attend? When I am asked for interviews, and I will be.....I will tell the truth. No one should be a monarch if they annoy Demon Flash Bandit. Yes, you heard me. You have been a bad Queen Lady. I would not be surprised if I read in the newspaper that you had been caught peeing on the carpet and blaming your dogs. BAD QUEEN LADY! BAD! I WILL RUB YOUR NOSE IN IT!
Love, Demon Flash Bandit

I hope this makes the Queen Lady realize how much trouble she has caused.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Attending the Royal Wedding)

Royal Wedding Zombie TShirts

With the royal wedding happening in the spring, I thought my readers would like to read a copy of the letter I just mailed to my friend, The Queen Lady, Elizabeth II.

Dear Queen Lady,

I know you are super busy planning the royal wedding for your grandson, but I was just wondering what you think of the tshirts that depict the couple as zombies. I can understand if you approved them because zombies seem to be quite popular, and it would help increase your household budget. It just didn't seem like something of which you would approve. I also wanted to suggest that, given the popularity of the movie Twilight, you might suggest vampire tshirts and/or werewolf tshirts. You have to act while the wedding is big news. When it is over, it will be hard to sell these items. I think the Lego HappyLand Royal Wedding set is a good idea. If you want the money from the small children, you have to go with toys because they don't tend to care much about clothing. I do think that you should consider marketing a video game of the wedding. I could see several versions that would be big sellers. For girls, you can let them plan a "dream" wedding even down to designing their own gown. For the boys, you can have something more unusual (like zombies taking over the wedding).

I do hope that you have approved of all of these items because I know how it is being famous. Many times I have found Demon Flash Bandit items on sale that did not get my approval. I usually solve the problem by sending in Angel Zoom Smokey to give out some puppy slaps of justice. She said to tell you that if you need her, she is available.

I do hope the wedding goes well, and that you are able to keep any stupid merchandise from being sold.

Your pal, Demon Flash Bandit

I'm sure my readers will be rushing to order their own zombie tshirts.

Demon Flash Bandit (Zombie Tshirts are Cool)