Movie Review: The Furriest Tail of Demon Flash Bandit

Today I am going to do a movie review of the movie, The Furriest Tail of Demon Flash Bandit. This movie is, paws down, one of the best movies I have ever seen. In this movie, you get to see my tail in all its beauty and glory. You see it wag, you see it still, you see it held high. The movie is a 5 hour masterpiece which will make all other movies look bad by comparison. This movie stars Demon Flash Bandit, and is written by Demon Flash Bandit. The producer is Demon Flash Bandit and the stunt dog is Phantom Fast Snowman. The movie starts with me admiring my tail in the mirror. It is truly a stunning tail, and the movie goers who have seen it agree with my review. The New York News said, "this is the movie of all ages...a must see!. Sasster and Ebark give it 4 paws up and they said, "we never knew a tail could be so lovely. Gene Sassket said, "this is the movie I have waited to see for my entire life. I watched it and I wanted to watch it again...this is what the Los Angeles reviewer had to say about the movie: GREAT!!! King Frederic Tickleberry, the esteemed movie reviewer in London gave it 17 thumbs up. However, you are here on my blog to see what I have to say, and I give this movie 4 paws up, kisses, a 30 minute tail wag, a high 5 with all 4 paws, and more. I just can't say enough good things about this movie. Demon Flash Bandit, who is new to the big screen, does an fantastic job in this movie. I think he should win a Best Actor Oscar for his performance. I hope I will be seeing more of this young dog in the future. He is so handsome that he can keep audiences happy just looking at him. I think that, if the stuidos have any sense, they will be casting him in many, many more movies in the future. This movie gets a 25,000,000,000out of 10 on the human movie rating scale which means it is the best movie ever made. Be sure and see it when it comes to your local theatre.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Review: The Furriest Tail of Demon Flash Bandit)

T-Shirt Prize Announcement!

Today I have a big announcement to make--the winner of the ultra cool Demon Flash Bandit t-shirt is (howling and drum roll here) FINLEY!!!! Finley, get in touch with me at demonflashbandit@gmail.com to make arrangements for me to ship you your prize. I know this is probably the most exciting news you have ever had in your life. I hope that you enjoy the shirt. I'm sorry it took a couple of days to announce it, but I had to get my lazy human to get all the names from the comments on here and the pawmail on dogster, and all us dogs know how hard it is to motivate the humans to get things done! I've said it many times, if my human didn't work free, I would fire her. She had to write down all the names on separate sheets of paper so they could be drawn out of a hat. It was very low tech, but that method has worked for years so is it okay to use it for a contest. Thanks to everyone who participated, and I might be giving another one away soon so keep watching for your chance to win!

Mother Nature has once again went nuts around here, but this dog is not complaining. It was so warm here last month that I was afraid that it would be 100 F by this month, but it is actually cool so I am very happy about that. I really think that I could easily solve this whole global warming problem by getting rid of those rotten birds who cause it, and also by replacing Mother Nature who is obviously old and senile. You would think the humans could solve such an easy problem. This is why dogs should be running the world.

Demon Flash Bandit (Mother Nature Needs to be Replaced)

My Birthday Should be a National Holiday!

Today is my birthday! I am now 8 years old which is also 8 years old in doggy years because I plan to live for another century or two. I am annoyed that my brother Jeff had to work today because I think my birthday should be a national holiday. I have written Congress about this idea, but they are too busy bickering over the budget. I could solve that problem in about 2 minutes and still have time for a nap. I would raise the taxes on the super rich. They won't miss the little bit of extra money since they have more money than they know what to do with anyway. Since some of the Congress humans are against the idea, I would bite some butt until they change their mind and see my logic. The problem with humans is that they aren't willing to put their teeth into a problem. This is why more dogs should be in Congress. We know how to "take a bite out of a problem". Then Congress could get to more important issues-like making my birthday a national holiday. Yes, I think we could all use a Demon Flash Bandit day!

Demon Flash Bandit (Wants my Own Holiday)

My Opinion of Toilet Day

Today is World Toilet Day which shows that the humans will dedicate a day to almost anything. I never thought the humans would like toilets enough to give them their own day yet there is no Demon Flash Bandit Day despite my constant efforts to have a day set aside for me. There isn't even a day set aside for dogs in general. I want to get in touch with whoever is in charge of these kinds of decisions because clearly, they are not doing a good job. What is next? A day for birds, cats and/or fleas? I wonder if tomorrow is toilet paper day since it seems only natural that if toilets have their own day, then toilet paper must be another thing that deserves its own day. Don't get me wrong, I know a lot of dogs who appreciate the nice, cold water in toilets, but they are actually dog watering fountains. The humans have never understood that, and they do disgusting things in a dog's fountain. This is why I have my own watering dish. Until the humans learn that a toilet is a dog's drinking fountain, I think it is best to avoid drinking water out of them. I do wish humans would learn to behave properly. They are often an embarrassment to the family dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Celebrating Toilet Day)

There's No Need to Fear: UNDERDOG is Here!

It is hot here today, and this dog is not pleased. I plan to have Mother Nature relieved of her duties since she is obviously senile and no longer able to properly do her job.

As you know, I am always getting letters from my celebrity friends, and I like to share them with my readers. Today I have one from a true VIP (Very Important Puppy). Yes, you guessed it, the letter is from Underdog.

Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
I want you to know that your friendship means so much to me. When a dog like myself has to spend much of the day fighting evil-doers, it is good to be able to relax and think about my pals at the end of the day. Remember Demon Flash Bandit, there's no need to fear.....Underdog is here. Say hello to Angel Zoom Smokey for me.

Love, Underdog

I am so lucky to know wo many celebrities.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Blogger)

BAD QUEEN LADY!!! BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today's blog is an announcement that I will not be attending the royal wedding as I had originally planned. I was very annoyed that President and Michelle Obama had been snubbed by the royal family. I would still attend since I had told the Queen Lady that I would be there and I'm a dog of honor. However, when I got the invitations and found that she had snubbed Angel Zoom Smokey and my humans, my patience ran out. She had promised to include Angel Zoom Smokey, and Angel is one husky you don't leave out if you want Demon Flash Bandit to attend. Since the Queen Lady did not keep her promise to me and did not act with honor, I feel that I am justified in not going to the wedding. Sure, I know it will hurt the royal family, but they should have thought about the consequences before they acted so stupidly.

Besides, I found out that they are serving the "traditional" royal fruitcake at the wedding. Fruitcake is not served at weddings!!!! I don't care how traditional it is. Some traditions should be broken because they are stupid. Fruitcake is a Christmas item that you give as a gift. It is always a gift because no one in their right mind would buy it for themselves. Generally, it is given to the people you don't particularly like, but they are on your Christmas list and you have to get them something. I won't buy them as gifts myself because, I think even the dumbest of the humans know that it is a stupid gift to receive. However, they are great for the person who has everything because they can always give it to someone else the following year. There are 200 year old fruitcakes that are still being given as gifts each year. In fact, if they carbon dated a fruitcake and found it was originally made in ancient Egypt, it would not surprise me at all. You can't even get a dog to eat fruitcake and some dogs aren't even very picky, but they do draw the line at fruitcake. Even starving dogs have their standards! Anyway, I thought you might like to read the letter I am sending to the Queen Lady explaining why I won't be attending.

Dear Queen Lady,
I will not be attending the royal wedding because you did not include my adopted sister, Angel Zoom Smokey or my humans. I was annoyed enough that you left out the Obamas, but you stepped over the line when you left out my family. You had promised me that I could bring 3 guests. I can only assume you are being cheap. I understand about your budget which is how we became friends in the first place. I wrote and offered you a job mowing my yard. You wrote back because you appreciated my thoughtfulness, and we became friends. As a dog of honor, I would come but since you didn't keep your promise, I feel that it is okay if I don't keep mine. I also read that you are going to serve fruitcake at the wedding which only reinforces my idea that you are being cheap. No one eats fruitcake so you know that it will be "leftover". My guess is that you will make a cardboard fake cake which will be cheaper than the real thing since no one eats fruit cake anyway. I hope you realize that the monarchy is in trouble. What is the press going to say when Demon Flash Bandit does not attend? When I am asked for interviews, and I will be.....I will tell the truth. No one should be a monarch if they annoy Demon Flash Bandit. Yes, you heard me. You have been a bad Queen Lady. I would not be surprised if I read in the newspaper that you had been caught peeing on the carpet and blaming your dogs. BAD QUEEN LADY! BAD! I WILL RUB YOUR NOSE IN IT!
Love, Demon Flash Bandit

I hope this makes the Queen Lady realize how much trouble she has caused.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Attending the Royal Wedding)

My Opinion of People's Choice for Best Movie

The People's Choice Awards chose Twilight as the best movie overall. I think once again, this shows how stupid the humans are. Let a dog bite someone even if the person deserves it, and the humans put the dog in a cage and the dog faces a possible execution. However, let vampires and werewolves run amok and the humans make it the best movie of the year. I would think the humans had lost any sense of good taste. However, I also know that with that award, the humans can vote multiple times. Many of the humans, including the ones around here, never bother to vote at all. I guess tweens have a lot of time on their paws for voting. I really don't mind Twilight having fans who love it, but this dog hardly thinks it was the best movie of the year. In my opinion, it wasn't even the best movie of the month. I would vote for Marmaduke above Twilight. Who needs werewolves when you can have cute dogs starring in a movie?

Speaking of movies, my humans saw The Fighter, and they said it was an excellent movie. Jeff said it is a fantastic piece of human film making although it would be greatly improved with dogs. Humans are stupid, and, not to put down The Fighter, if it had an all dog cast, it would win all the awards, and no audience member would not like it. I, I mean Demon Flash Bandit, would be perfect for the lead role. Remember, this is Jeff's review and not mine. For a human, he is very wise--almost as intelligent as a dog like myself.

I've got to go and do some movie research or take a nap--I'm not sure which I will do.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Special Gifts for that Hard to Buy for Human

Sometimes finding the perfect gift for that special person on your shopping list can be difficult. What about that person on your list that you really don't want to buy for or even see again? However, it is a relative so you feel you can't just drop them from your list-or your life. Perhaps you want to show just how much you love them by giving them something you have yourself--like the flu. I'm sure you may be asking, how do you get the message across particularly if you have to mail the gift and won't see them during the holidays? Rest assured, Demon Flash Bandit has searched the Internet to find the perfect gift, and you can order it online from the comfort of your computer. That gift is the gift of a plush microbe. Go to http://www.giantmicrobes.com/ and you can order the gift that will show that special person on your list just what you think of them. Give them Ebola, typhoid fever, or whatever you find interesting.

Sure, it is a fun gift for those who you would like to send the actual disease to, but I'm sure there are some people who would love to get some of these items because they would find them "interesting". Yes, some humans love educational things that the rest of us find boring. If you happen to like that type of person, and they are on your list too, it would make a nice gift for them. However, do not miss the satisfaction of giving them to the ones who aren't into such things and you don't like--even if just for the personal satisfaction of giving them something stupid.

I might add that these items are not only featured as plush items, but you can also buy Christmas ornaments, vinyl "figures", and other merchandise featuring the microbes--like coffee mugs and ties. Yes, you can find the perfect gift for anyone on your list if you search the Internet, and your pal, Demon Flash Bandit is here to help. Happy Shopping!

Demon Flash Bandit (Shopper)

Introducing: Phantom Fast Snowman, Stunt Dog

Today I am introducing a new member of the family, and my personal stunt double, Phantom Fast Snowman. As you can see from the photo, he is a full size stuffed husky that has blue eyes just like me. However, since he is not a real dog, he does not mind being dressed in outlandish costumes. Also, he has no complaints about anything the humans might decide to do to him no matter how embarrassing it would be for a real dog like myself. Phantom will also be Angel Zoom Smokey's stunt double. I am pleased to welcome Phantom to our family. The best thing about Phantom is that he does not want my Burger King, my bones, or my toys. Phantom does not bother me when I am napping either. Of course, Phantom does not possess my bubbly personality, but staying clear of my bones makes up for that. I don't want the competition anyway. It is about time I had a stunt double. I have been a star since I was a puppy, and all us dogs know that stars are too important to do their own stunts. What if they got hurt? It could delay filming and cost the studios a lot of money. Anyway, you will be seeing more of Phantom on my blog--no doubt wearing stupid clothes that Angel and I refuse to wear. Mommy should have known better than to buy the clothing for us in the first place, but at least now she can be happy because it won't go to waste. Phantom can model it for her.

I'm wishing all my readers a nice day from Demon Flash Bandit, Angel Zoom Smokey, and our new stunt double, Phantom Fast Snowman.

Demon Flash Bandit (I Finally Have My Own Stunt Dog!)

Fur Party Rally

I personally don't think it is a coincidence that election day in the United States is so close after Halloween. My guess is that the founding fathers were sitting around the table trying to decide when to hold election day. One of them (I would guess Franklin) said, "since election day could be scary some years, why not make it shortly after Halloween because if the people have survived monsters coming to their door, some of the candidates won't seem quite so scary". On the subject of scary things, I think it only fair that I write about the Rally for Sanity/Fear that was held on the national mall yesterday. Jon Stewart from The Daily Show was the head of the Rally for Sanity. Personally, I think this is a tough one for the humans since, from this dog's observation, there are lots of insane humans. I can prove this by the fact that some humans don't own dogs and some only own cats. A rare few super insane ones have pet birds--yes, birds!!!! You can't get any more insane than that. Despite the many warnings I have issued about birds causing global warming, some humans even want them as pets. Yes, insanity is very prevalent among the humans.

The Rally for Fear led by Stephen Colbert of the Colbert Report had more appeal for some of the humans. Some of the smarter humans have realized that, scientifically speaking, you can actually scare your way to power. The fear can be totally unfounded, but I guarantee that if you are running for a political office, and you announce that, if your opponent gets into office, aliens with chain saws will take over the planet killing all the inhabitants, a large percentage of the humans will vote for them. Some will even start building underground shelters in their back yards to protect them from the alien threat. As if aliens would come to Earth with chain saw technology. If they can invent a ship that travels across the galaxy, you know they will have better weapons than a chainsaw. This is why they can't return to sanity--they probably were never sane in the first place.

Glenn Beck was having a Rally for Restoring Honor at the Lincoln Memorial. Maybe he and Sarah Palin are missing honor in their lives, but that doesn't mean there aren't a lot of honorable people in the United States-but most of them aren't running for political office. Maybe he needs to meet some regular working citizens. By the way, he estimates that 500,000 attended his rally. My guess is that CBS, who hired professional group counters had it correct at 87,000, which is actually a lot of humans attending.

Rush Limbaugh said that the Rally for Sanity/Fear will build conservative voter turnout. and that people who attended the Rally for Sanity/Fear just came to listen to some half baked comedians. This dog thinks he is jealous that their comedy routines are better than his. Sure, he is funny, but just not as funny as they are. When he says they were there to smoke some "doobies", he probably knows what he is talking about. He has had some drug addiction problems of his own. Is it any wonder that this dog is a member of the Fur party? We had our own rally last night. It was the return to Burger King and Dingo Bones rally. We had dogs from all over the country come to our rally--the crowd was estimated at 100 milli0n. If the humans really want sensible government, and intelligent leadership: I say vote dog! Remember to vote for the Fur party. Of course, there is extreme prejudice against our party so we will be write in candidates, but imagine how much better the world would be if Demon Flash Bandit were the President. My slogan would be bacon and burgers for everyone. Who could resist that kind of campaign promise?

Demon Flash Bandit (Standing With the Fur Party)

Guest Blogger: Angel Zoom Smokey!!!!!!

Howdy everyone! My name is Angel Zoom Smokey. I am Demon's sister and, from time to time, mortal enemy (aren't all siblings?). Anyway, Demon is having me write this blog because his secretary (code name: mommy) is in the hospital at the moment. If everything goes fine, she should be out in a couple of days. Demon just felt that the world might end without some "husky wisdom" everyday so he wants me to blog today since he refuses to allow the likes of Jeff to write his blog. Demon can be impossible at times.

Anyway, everyone here hopes mommy feels better soon so she can return to her dogs! Demon told me that mommy has some writing to catch up on. Demon is always so thoughtful. Demon is a typical guy though. I am a lot more thoughtful, I just want to make sure she brings home a lot of grilled chicken from the hospital. They give out grilled chicken as a prize for escaping the hospital, don't they? If they don't, they should, more people would go to the hospital just so they could leave and get chicken.

Anyway, I thought I'd share some of my views with Demon's blog readers today. First of all, I actually like birds...in my stomach. When it comes to birds not in my stomach, I pretty much agree with Demon one hundred percent that they should all die (so we dogs can eat them). I enjoy eating gourmet food, such as chicken or any other birds (turkey will more than do as well). I like Mexican style food and enjoy Taco Bell very much. Demon doesn't care much for it, but I don't mind a few tacos here and there mixed in with my chicken (plus, Taco Bell has wonderful chicken tacos that are to mush for).

I ran as Demon Flash Bandit's running mate in the 2008 election (we didn't get as many votes as Obama/Biden but we got a lot more than McCain/Palin's 3 votes nationwide). Some of you may not know that Demon and I invented the Fur Party in politics. Next time, instead of voting for major political players, vote for a dog! You will thank me later.

The Fur Party promised more fire hydrants on the street for EVERYONE to pee on! We felt that making humans feel equal to dogs was important in bridging the species gap. We also promised to find alien life to bring to Earth so they could clean up the human's poop. Humans have to clean up their own waste. It must be disgusting and degrading. Demon and I felt that having some higher intelligence clean up their poop would not only help the humans feel more equal, but it would also create a great relationships with humans! What alien in their right mind would want to take over a planet in which the higher beings (dogs and humans) don't even clean up their own poop. Alien invasion successfully avoided thanks to us dogs.

Of course, I can't legally make anyone vote for a dog on election day...but I can illegally make someone, so just keep that in mind (wink wink). Seriously though, if you do vote for a dog in 2012, make sure it's Demon Flash Bandit and Angel Zoom Smokey! We would bark the roof off of Washington D.C.!

-Angel Zoom Smokey (Dog of the People)

My New Hobby

As a dog, I have decided that I need a new hobby because a dog needs to have something important to do with his time. I contemplated many activities that I could get involved with. I could do the usual things that many dogs like to do with their time---fetch, run, guard things, but I wanted something that set me apart so that I wouldn't be just like all the other dogs. I finally found the perfect hobby for me. I have learned to yap constantly in a high pitch yap that seems to go right for the humans' nerves. In fact, it gets on Angel Zoom Smokey's nerves if you do it long enough while she is trying to sleep, which is one of the most fun times to yap. She gets mad and snarls at me, and I keep right on yapping. It isn't just a hobby, it is a laugh riot. The reason it works so well is that normally, I am a very quiet dog, but I've found that if a quiet dog occasionally yaps for about 24 hours straight, it is so highly effective at getting a dog noticed, that is becomes a hobby for the dog. Don't get me wrong--I'm not talking about barking which is totally and completely different from yapping. Barking is something all dogs do on occasion, but yapping is a high pitched whine that I have perfected into an art form. I am also quite the trooper. I continue yapping even when it is bugging me. I think I will start the Demon Flash Bandit School of Yapping. I'm sure other dogs would love to have yapping as a cool hobby that they can enjoy too.

Demon Flash Bandit (Yapping at Everyone and Everything)

I Have Not Received an Answer from the Queen of England!

Yesterday I wrote a blog and offered to pay the Queen of England $25.00 to mow my yard. I am assuming that my blog has to be something that the Queen has to read everyday. I know I would read it if I were her. Anyway, I asked her to make a comment so that I would know when she was coming, and have the cash ready for her. By the way, Queen Lady, the grass is not getting any shorter while you are hanging around the castle doing royal stuff. I would hate to see you miss the chance to meet me, Demon Flash Bandit, and get that photo of me with my pawtograph that you can hang in your castle to remember our meeting. However, I do realize that maybe mowing the yard might not be considered something a royal should be allowed to do. Perhaps working a couple of days at Burger King are more to your liking. I can understand that since their burgers are fit for royalty. Let me know when you are planning on being at my local BK so I can come through drive-thru and place my order. Imagine how impressed Parliament will be to find out that you actually cooked Demon Flash Bandit's burgers. Good day to you Queen, and be sure and let me know--will you mow my yard or are you working at Burger King?

Demon Flash Bandit (Royal Questions)

I'm Doing My Part to Help Great Britain

I was watching an older segment of The Daily Show called "The Crumpets Take Manhattan" (which can be seen on their website which aired July 7,2010). This video is covering the recent visit of the Queen of England to New York City. The recession has actually affected the Queen since she has had to cut back her spending 7%, which according to the video, costs the average tax payer in her country under $1.00 so she is saving the average tax payer 7 cents. Jon Stewart suggested we buy the Queen and let her do odd jobs here in the United States, and then it went on to show a photo of her on a riding mower and then another with her dressed as a hot dog working as a hot dog vendor. I want to go on record stating that the grass in my yard needs mowing and I am willing to pay the Queen of England $25.00 to do it, and she can do it on my John Deere mower. Yes, she doesn't even have to push a mower, she can ride around cutting the grass in style. If she is willing to change the oil, there will be even more money in it for her. With a few odd jobs like this, she can help make up for the $4,000,000+ that she has had to cut back on. I know some of you might be saying, there are a lot of yards she could cut for people, but this yard has the advantage of the Queen of England getting to meet me, Demon Flash Bandit. I know she likes dogs since she has dogs, and saves them bits of meat from her plate. If she does enough odd jobs, perhaps she could afford to get her dogs some Burger King, and not have to feed them scraps.

I have to add that seeing her in the hot dog outfit was wonderful since Angel Zoom Smokey has a photo of herself posted on Dogster.com wearing her hot dog costume for her first Halloween. Mommy bought it when it was put onto the store shelves (which was probably July), and by the time Halloween came, she had grown so much, it became her hot dog butt costume. I happen to think she looks adorable in it. However, Angel Zoom Smokey says that it was humiliating. Now there is no way she can hold that costume against my humans since the Queen of England was shown in a hot dog suit too. If it is good enough for the Queen of England, it should be good enough for a dog.

Queen Elizabeth, if you leave a comment telling me when you will arrive to do the mowing, I will be sure and have the cash waiting for you. If you can do it in the next week, I'll even take you to Burger King for a "royal" meal. I will also have some cold cokes waiting for you when the job is done. By the way, I will give you a photo of myself with my paw print on it. You can hang it on your wall and remember the happy day when you met me!

Demon Flash Bandit (Hiring The Queen to Mow My Yard)

Water Dog

Today is another day of exciting news from my blog. As my readers already know, this dog does a lot of thinking, and the other day, I was watching Mommy drink some bottled water when I noticed that the label was rather lacking in enjoyability. For those of you who might ask, yes, that is a word because I just made it up. Anyway, I am always thinking of how to make the world a better place, and that is when the idea came to me.....wouldn't bottled water be more enjoyable if the humans could look at my handsome face while they drink it? I told my brother to make a cartoon photo of me, and I have a prototype of the water I might eventually sell on my blog. What human can resist drinking water while looking at my face on the label, and most of the humans don't drink enough water. Thanks to my face, the humans will get enough water, and the planets will be aligned, and all will be well with the world. Hey, if Bill and Ted's music could do that, having my face on a water bottle would be even more likely to do those things. To show just how wonderful my concept would be, I am putting a photo of the prototype on the blogsite today. Enjoy. I know I enjoy looking at it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Water Dog)