Fur Party Rally

I personally don't think it is a coincidence that election day in the United States is so close after Halloween. My guess is that the founding fathers were sitting around the table trying to decide when to hold election day. One of them (I would guess Franklin) said, "since election day could be scary some years, why not make it shortly after Halloween because if the people have survived monsters coming to their door, some of the candidates won't seem quite so scary". On the subject of scary things, I think it only fair that I write about the Rally for Sanity/Fear that was held on the national mall yesterday. Jon Stewart from The Daily Show was the head of the Rally for Sanity. Personally, I think this is a tough one for the humans since, from this dog's observation, there are lots of insane humans. I can prove this by the fact that some humans don't own dogs and some only own cats. A rare few super insane ones have pet birds--yes, birds!!!! You can't get any more insane than that. Despite the many warnings I have issued about birds causing global warming, some humans even want them as pets. Yes, insanity is very prevalent among the humans.

The Rally for Fear led by Stephen Colbert of the Colbert Report had more appeal for some of the humans. Some of the smarter humans have realized that, scientifically speaking, you can actually scare your way to power. The fear can be totally unfounded, but I guarantee that if you are running for a political office, and you announce that, if your opponent gets into office, aliens with chain saws will take over the planet killing all the inhabitants, a large percentage of the humans will vote for them. Some will even start building underground shelters in their back yards to protect them from the alien threat. As if aliens would come to Earth with chain saw technology. If they can invent a ship that travels across the galaxy, you know they will have better weapons than a chainsaw. This is why they can't return to sanity--they probably were never sane in the first place.

Glenn Beck was having a Rally for Restoring Honor at the Lincoln Memorial. Maybe he and Sarah Palin are missing honor in their lives, but that doesn't mean there aren't a lot of honorable people in the United States-but most of them aren't running for political office. Maybe he needs to meet some regular working citizens. By the way, he estimates that 500,000 attended his rally. My guess is that CBS, who hired professional group counters had it correct at 87,000, which is actually a lot of humans attending.

Rush Limbaugh said that the Rally for Sanity/Fear will build conservative voter turnout. and that people who attended the Rally for Sanity/Fear just came to listen to some half baked comedians. This dog thinks he is jealous that their comedy routines are better than his. Sure, he is funny, but just not as funny as they are. When he says they were there to smoke some "doobies", he probably knows what he is talking about. He has had some drug addiction problems of his own. Is it any wonder that this dog is a member of the Fur party? We had our own rally last night. It was the return to Burger King and Dingo Bones rally. We had dogs from all over the country come to our rally--the crowd was estimated at 100 milli0n. If the humans really want sensible government, and intelligent leadership: I say vote dog! Remember to vote for the Fur party. Of course, there is extreme prejudice against our party so we will be write in candidates, but imagine how much better the world would be if Demon Flash Bandit were the President. My slogan would be bacon and burgers for everyone. Who could resist that kind of campaign promise?

Demon Flash Bandit (Standing With the Fur Party)

I'm Voting for Good Candy and the Fur Party

It must be lousy to be a human. I just finished checking out the worst Halloween candy you can eat (from a calorie standpoint), and then the best. I know other dogs who read this will not be surprised to learn that some of the same candy was on both lists. Both lists were on the same website. I have re-named this website-the insane health report. Sure, they don't know that they have been re-named, but the new name does fit. According to the site, the "best" candy is dum dums. Am I the only dog that suspects that the manufacturers of dum dums owns this site? I have talked to enough human puppies (and adult humans) to know that, although suckers are nice, they are not considered the Holy Grail of Halloween candy--they are the ones the neighbors who don't want to spend much money to give out. Yes, the bag of 1,000 suckers for $3.99 is hard to pass up particularly if you are cheap. Sure, I like them, but even dogs know there is better candy than dum dums. Look at the brand name. The company doesn't even bother to come up with a decent name for them like Great Licks or Enjoy all Day--they call them dum dums. Dumb is not generally a word that you use when you are giving a compliment to someone so it is a stupid name for a product. I'm glad I'm not the ad agency that has to come up with a campaign for that candy. I seriously doubt they have an ad campaign. My guess is that the price sells the product. If I manage to sneak out trick or treating on Halloween, and you see it is me, make sure you give me the good stuff. It is okay to give dum dums to the little deadbeat human puppies, but this dog has standards!

As I'm sure you may have gathered from the previous paragraph, we dogs often doubt the sanity of the average human. Since it is nearing election time, this is even more clear than usual. Election time is always fun here in the United States. It is even more fun than usual because there is a new group, the Tea Party who has decided that everyone in the country hates what is going on. I myself ran for President last time, and I would never run for the Tea Party. First of all, I was never that fond of the story, Alice in Wonderland, and the Mad Hatter was insane so why would I want to join the Tea Party? Also, I'm not a big fan of tea, and the local tea parties are mostly for little girls and their teddy bears and dolls. The little girls usually dress up in frilly costumes. I'm a He-Man type dog and as such, I would not want to be found dressing in a silly costume (not even a He-Man costume), and drinking tea with an insane hatter. I hate hats too. I won't even get into the Davy Crockett hat my human dad bought me when I was a puppy. When you have to go to Hillbilly Village to find a hat for a dog, my suggestion is, don't. I know very few dogs who will like it, and thank dog I don't wear it. I would not want to have squirrels in the yard making fun of my hat!

Anyway, for those of you living in the United States, I would suggest you vote for my party, the Fur Party. The humans have made enough mistakes. Time to let us furs take over.

Demon Flash Bandit (Member of Fur Party)

Guest Blogger: Angel Zoom Smokey!!!!!!

Howdy everyone! My name is Angel Zoom Smokey. I am Demon's sister and, from time to time, mortal enemy (aren't all siblings?). Anyway, Demon is having me write this blog because his secretary (code name: mommy) is in the hospital at the moment. If everything goes fine, she should be out in a couple of days. Demon just felt that the world might end without some "husky wisdom" everyday so he wants me to blog today since he refuses to allow the likes of Jeff to write his blog. Demon can be impossible at times.

Anyway, everyone here hopes mommy feels better soon so she can return to her dogs! Demon told me that mommy has some writing to catch up on. Demon is always so thoughtful. Demon is a typical guy though. I am a lot more thoughtful, I just want to make sure she brings home a lot of grilled chicken from the hospital. They give out grilled chicken as a prize for escaping the hospital, don't they? If they don't, they should, more people would go to the hospital just so they could leave and get chicken.

Anyway, I thought I'd share some of my views with Demon's blog readers today. First of all, I actually like birds...in my stomach. When it comes to birds not in my stomach, I pretty much agree with Demon one hundred percent that they should all die (so we dogs can eat them). I enjoy eating gourmet food, such as chicken or any other birds (turkey will more than do as well). I like Mexican style food and enjoy Taco Bell very much. Demon doesn't care much for it, but I don't mind a few tacos here and there mixed in with my chicken (plus, Taco Bell has wonderful chicken tacos that are to mush for).

I ran as Demon Flash Bandit's running mate in the 2008 election (we didn't get as many votes as Obama/Biden but we got a lot more than McCain/Palin's 3 votes nationwide). Some of you may not know that Demon and I invented the Fur Party in politics. Next time, instead of voting for major political players, vote for a dog! You will thank me later.

The Fur Party promised more fire hydrants on the street for EVERYONE to pee on! We felt that making humans feel equal to dogs was important in bridging the species gap. We also promised to find alien life to bring to Earth so they could clean up the human's poop. Humans have to clean up their own waste. It must be disgusting and degrading. Demon and I felt that having some higher intelligence clean up their poop would not only help the humans feel more equal, but it would also create a great relationships with humans! What alien in their right mind would want to take over a planet in which the higher beings (dogs and humans) don't even clean up their own poop. Alien invasion successfully avoided thanks to us dogs.

Of course, I can't legally make anyone vote for a dog on election day...but I can illegally make someone, so just keep that in mind (wink wink). Seriously though, if you do vote for a dog in 2012, make sure it's Demon Flash Bandit and Angel Zoom Smokey! We would bark the roof off of Washington D.C.!

-Angel Zoom Smokey (Dog of the People)