Grand Theft Auto Video Game Based on Lindsay Lohan's Driving Skills?

Lindsay Lohan has been arrested again. This time she hit a pedestrian in New York City with her car and left to go inside to her hotel room. Why doesn't she hire a chaffeur? If there was any actress in Hollywood that should not be allowed to drive herself around, it is Lindsay Lohan. Doesn't she have a dog to hire a chaffeur for her? I know if I was her dog, I would not want to get into the car and ride with her because I value my life. With her driving, you never know where you will end up---perhaps over a cliff like Toonses the Cat from Saturday Night Live. Toonses used to go over the cliff every time he drove because cats should not be allowed to drive. Most dogs are great drivers, but cats just aren't responsible enough to be trusted. I think it is because they have 9 lives and tend to be big on taking risks as a result. I have been told by reliable sources that the video game, Grand Theft Auto, was based on Lindsay Lohan's driving skills. I wonder if she gets any royalties when that game is sold. I just saw recently that she and Charlie Sheen are going to do a love scene together in an upcoming movie. I can't wait to see how that turns out. I just hope it does not involve a car because, if it does and Lindsay is driving, Charlie may not make it through the scene.

Lindsay Lohan: Always in Trouble

I wonder if my readers were as shocked as I to see Lindsay Lohan in the news again. Who would have thought that she would be back in trouble again? Okay, I think most of us thought that she would be. It does not take a psychic to predict that Lindsay Lohan would manage to be back in court. In fact, I think the news story is getting a bit old so I have an idea....I think that once a week, there should be a story in the news about Lindsay Lohan getting into trouble. The news sources can just run the same one every week since all of them seem to be similar anyway. This way, it will free time for the reporters to report on more interesting news. This time she didn't do the required community service, but she said it was not fulfilling work. I guess someone should tell her that is the idea....if it were fulfilling work, it would not be punishment. If I were the judge, I would put her in jail because I think by now it is obvious that she is not going to go along with anything else with which they sentence her. Perhaps jail might give her some time to reflect on how to avoid getting into trouble in the future, but somehow I doubt it. I think reflection like that requires having a brain.

Demon Flash Bandit (Tired of Reading About Lindsay Lohan)

My Letter to Lindsay Lohan

I thought I should write today about actress, Lindsay Lohan. She has not gotten in trouble with the police for the past couple of months. I know I'm as shocked as you are as I write this. I was beginning to think that she had decided to make it her life's work to be arrested. Obviously, she is a troubled soul who turns to drugs and/or alcohol which is very sad because she has potential, and so many people throw their lives away and all the good they could do because of these substances. I know it hit home here with Angel Zoom Smokey. As a puppy, she took the car keys against my advice and operated the vehicle while under the influence of kool-aid. Yes, the humans and myself weren't sure if she would give up the kool-aid, but she did. However, we had to get tough with her and only allow her to drink water. Being a dog, she adjusted quickly. Sadly, the humans take much longer to get over their addictions. Anyway, as you know, I often share letters I write to and receive from celebrities so this is one I wrote to Lindsay Lohan.

Dear Lindsay Lohan,

Since you always seem to be getting into trouble, I decided to reach out my paw to help. Angel Zoom Smokey, my adopted sister, once had a problem with a DUI (driving while under the influence) when she was a puppy. I took her under my paw and straightened out her undesirable behavior. Since you are a human, the humans are helping you and they just don't have the common dog sense to help you properly.

First, you need a good puppy slap of justice across the face. Yes, you heard me. Some dog needs to slap some sense into your head.

Second, you need to spend a week or two in a kennel so you'll understand consequences.

If you think I'm too tough, you are wrong. Too many humans have thrown talented lives away and even died because of alcohol and drugs., The humans should help you learn, but they lack the guts that a dog has to do what is necessary to solve the situation.

I wish you well and hope you'll get help from a dog like myself who lives near you before it is too late. Good luck and have a howlingly nice day!

Love, Demon Flash Bandit

I hope she gets some help because not only is she causing herself problems, but this dog is tired of reading about her exploits in the news.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fixing Another Human Problem)

Dognapping is a Serious Crime

I just saw a news video from ABC news about humans dognapping innocent dogs from their humans. This is something that needs to be stopped!!!! Just because a dog is friendly is no excuse for some scummy human to steal the dog from his favorite humans. I decided to check into this to see what the penalty for doing such a thing would be. If a human dognaps a dog, he doesn't even get prison for life. In this dog's opinion, that human should get the death penalty. Sure, this dog knows that the likes of Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton won't get any kind of justice, but you would think that if someone is rotten enough to dognap a pet, that person would at least be locked away for life to protect other innocent dogs from being dognapped. Recently I reported the story from a Maryland dog park on how Keith Shepherd, an off duty rent a cop with a gun shot Bear Bear, a Siberian Husky. The local police were going to let him off. He was guilty of dog murder until the incident hit the Internet, and then he got into a bit of trouble. Of course, not much more than Lohan or Hilton would get. They don't even get the proverbial slap on the wrist. They get pat on the shoulder from law enforcement. I say that when a dog is murdered or dognapped, there needs to be more serious laws in effect. One good thing for us dogs is that we have McGruff the crime dog in our corner. I know he is working on making the laws tougher for dognappers. I don't care what it takes--I will run for President again if it means that dogs will get treated with more respect by the judicial system. Until then, watch out for bad humans. Most of them are nice, but some can't be trusted!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dognapping is WRONG)