Fran Drescher: Spacenapped!

Actress Fran Drescher, star of The Nanny, says she was kidnapped by space aliens when she was young. I'm sure that many of the humans don't believe her, but this dog has no problem believing that she was spacenapped. I'm not sure which group spacenapped her, but at least she was allowed to return. One never knows what will happen when dealing with space aliens. This is why I think that space aliens should be required to fill in their citizenship status in whatever country they reside. The last thing the humans need is illegal space aliens infiltrating our neighborhoods. They are as bad as the zombie loans that the banks have given out--like anyone wants to live next door to a zombie. We should all write our representatives and tell them that we want space aliens to have to register their citizenship status so we will know they are here, and what planet they are from.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Spacenapping)

Charlie Sheen Roast and Transformers

Comedy Central has announced that they will be roasting Charlie Sheen. From what I've seen of him on the Internet lately, I would suggest that they skip the comedy and actually roast him because he seems to have some anger issues. This means that the "friendly" roast could turn into something very unfriendly by the time the show is over. Maybe that is what they want because the humans will tend to watch if there is a big fight. They probably learned that from Jerry Springer and his talk show where he got everyone that didn't like each other together so they could fight it out physically on nationwide television. Sheen's former wife, Brooke Mueller, has already said she will sue if she gets mentioned at the roast. This dog thinks that the roast is going to be a real sideshow, and I think I'll avoid watching it.

Speaking of things I should have avoided watching. I went to see Transformers: Dark of the Moon yesterday. I did not enjoy the movie because it was basically about blowing up things. If that is what you enjoy, then the movie is a must-see! Even the cameos by 4 dogs couldn't save that movie!

As my regular readers are aware, I sometimes cover news items, and I read one headline that said a disabled child was banned from a flight. Obviously, that news outlet does not live up to the Demon Flash Bandit standards. The real story was that the child was not banned from the flight, but only the stroller. The child had Down's Syndrome so that does not mean the child can't walk so I fail to see how that affects the child getting on the plane. It turns out a musical instrument was allowed on the plane, but the airlines said that you could bring a musical instrument if you paid for a seat for it. I'm assuming that if the family had been willing to pay for a seat for the stroller that it could have been on the plane too. It would be nice if the airline allowed strollers, but as long as a child can walk, I don't see how it would stop the child from getting on a plane. The last I looked, planes do have seats for their customers. I'm sure that eventually they will decide to charge extra for chairs, but they haven't thought of that yet.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With High Standards)

Don't Mess With a Dog's Nap Time!

There are no small children in my household because my human brothers are adults. Therefore, this dog can relax and take a nap whenever I'm in the mood. However, dogs from families with small children are not always so lucky. Those dogs have told me that sometimes the children refuse to go to sleep and thus, keep a dog awake. I can only imagine the horror when a dog is tired from a hard day of barking and the human puppy won't let the dog sleep! I found an amusing book on this subject. It is a book to be read to children at bedtime. The book is called Go The F**K to Sleep. Mommy found this book to be quite funny because my middle brother was one of those babies who had his days and nights mixed up and it stayed that way most of his life. If he was up, he felt the whole family should be up with him. I didn't know him during that time in his life, but if I did, I think my job as the family dog would have been to make sure he got his times straight. This dog takes my nap times very seriously. It is a very funny book, but if you would be offended by bad language, skip reading it. Of course, if you can't tell from the title that it might have inappropriate language, I doubt that you will be doing much reading anyway.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Children's Literature)

Schmitty, The Weather Dog

In my area, when a human wants to find out what the weather report will be, he or she would have to depend on humans to get that information. However, the lucky humans in the New York/Rhode Island area can get that information from Schmitty, the weather dog. Schmitty is a Yorkie whose human, Ron Trotta, is a meterologist. He says that Schmitty telepathically tells him what the weather will be. Finally a human who admits that his job title is dependent on his dog. Most humans will never admit that. I suppose they are afraid if they do, then they will lose their job and their dog will replace them. You have to admit that it is a viable worry for them. All us dogs know that our humans would be lost without us, but finally a human with the courage to admit that fact. This dog wants to say that it is about time a human gave his dog credit where credit is due, and I'm sure Schmitty is happy to have his human help him by interpreting his thoughts. Some of us dogs have learned human, but most dogs don't want to bother learning an inferior language. We prefer dog over all other languages. I do have to tell you that most dogs make the chihuahuas slow down. They start yapping, and they have a problem with speaking dog slow enough for the rest of us. Most of us dogs are much more laid back then chihuahuas. My theory is that because they are so small, they have more to "prove". Anyway, Schmitty, all us dogs are proud of your accomplishments, and I hope to read more stories about humans admitting their dogs' accomplishments on the Internet.

Demon Flash Bandit (Saluting Schmitty, the Weather Dog)

3-D Televisions

Mommy went to see the movie, Dinner for Schmucks, and she said it was a very funny movie. I think this movie is going to be very popular with cats when it arrives on DVD since one of the characters dresses dead mice. I think a cat would probably find it interesting to eat a mouse that is wearing a suit. I wonder--do you think the other cats who haven't seen the movie will believe him?
Charles the Cat: I ate a mouse yesterday who was wearing a tuxedo and top hat. Ginger the Skeptical cat: Sure you did, and I ate one wearing pajamas.
Of course, Ginger did not eat a mouse wearing pajamas, but there is no way she is going to look like she is eating ordinary mice when Charles is eating high class mice.

My subject for today is movies made in 3-D. Since 3-D is becoming very popular, and many movies are being made in the 3-D format, it makes this dog wonder if the humans are going to spend the money to buy the new 3-D televisions that are on the market now. Personally, this dog prefers the old technology where you don't need to buy a new television, but the humans have to wear really silly looking paper glasses that make their dogs laugh and laugh. It also makes me wonder if humans like my Mommy will be willing to wear the glasses if she bought the television. Mommy hates to wear reading glasses and most of the time she doesn't wear them which explains why there are missed typos in my blog because she won't wear the reading glasses. It also makes me wonder about dogs. Can we see the movie in 3-D if we wear the glasses? I'm not sure I would like to wear glasses. I think I might have the same attitude as Mommy. Will they even manufacture 3-D glasses that will fit dogs? It is sad that I can't see Snow Dogs or Eight Below in 3-D. I think those are both wonderful movies.

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About New Technology)

Dogs Are the Brains Behind Their Humans

I was reading about the legendary character in United States history, Johnny Appleseed, who travelled the frontier (which at that time was Ohio and surrounding area), planting apple trees. How many of these legends give credit to his faithful dog who accompanied him on his journey? A dog is never mentioned in the stories about him, but I contend that it was only natural that he had a dog to keep him company and to dig the holes where he planted his trees. If I were Johnny Appleseed, I would have named the dog Appledog. Perhaps Johnny would have come up with a more imaginative name, but if he had a dog, the dog does not get any credit for his or her efforts to help Johnny Appleseed, a fact which is typical. The dog does the work and the humans take the credit. Johnny was actually named John Chapman, and he did exist and plant many apple trees, and I'm sure the humans who benefited from eating those apples appreciated his efforts. It would be nice if dogs were remembered for our efforts instead of having the humans act like it was their idea. You know most humans wouldn't have enough sense to come in out of the rain if their dog didn't tell them to. I'm a dog so I know.

Demon Flash Bandit (Appledog is a Nice Name)

Virtual Farming Is Easier than Real Life Farming

Today I saw in the news an article about Farmville, and why is is popular. Does it take a dog to answer that question? Farmville is more popular than actual farming because virtual farming is a lot easier than regular farming. For example, even if you don't bother to fence in the animals, they will still be there when you leave for a day or so. It is far more comfortable to sit in front of a computer and "plant" and "harvest' fields rather than going out when it is hot and having to operate a plough or a harvester. Even feeding the animals is easier. In real life, sometimes it takes up a lot of time and isn't a particularly fun process. Even the humans, know real farming is hard work and not much fun, and all us dogs know how silly the humans can be. Given a choice between going outside to "farm" and staying inside to play Farmville, it is no contest. Farmville will win.. Don't forget to leave a comment to enter my contest for the dvd of White Fang. Thanks for reading my blog.

Demon Flash Bandit

New "Water Cooler"--Life is Good

I am happy to report that Mommy went and bought Angel Zoom Smokey and myself a new "water cooler", and this one is even bigger than the last one. This one holds 2 1/2 gallons of water. Now life can get back to normal and us dogs can solve world problems while hanging out at the water cooler again. I hope most large companies have more than one water cooler so that if a leak develops, they can still make major company decisions. BP definitely needed more than one because when their water cooler happened to spring a leak at the same time as their oil well in the Gulf, they were unable to make any corporate decisions because there was no water cooler around which the executives could discuss the problem. Now that the water cooler is back, there are several new ideas to fix the problem in the Gulf of Mexico. One of their highly inventive employees suggested adding truck loads of vinegar to create oil and vinegar salad dressing. I don't mean to be critical, but I think it is a different kind of oil that they use in the dressing. Dick Cheney called and suggested they send all the animals covered in oil to Guantanamo Bay because he says they are behind the leak. He says it was an elaborate plan to steal the oil. Why do you think he is in the hospital? He got shot by an angry pelican, but the government doesn't want the general public to know because it would cause panic. Pelicans do not take being accused of stealing lightly. When birds get guns, this dog gets upset because those evil birds have been stealing my snow and trying to take over the planet by causing global warming for years now. For those who have not read my theory, why do you think the birds show up and start singing just when the snow starts to melt? Coincidence? This dog is not buying it. So far, the best idea was mine to have cars drive up on the beach and fill up their cars with oil. As usual, the humans never listen to the wise advice of a dog. They like to keep trying their own silly ideas. By the way, if you think the pelicans are getting bad, be sure and avoid the swordfish--they are aching for a duel.

My town, Howell, Michigan, is having a Balloonfest this weekend. The hot air balloons are always fun to watch, but I have a suggestion for them to make it better. They should drop dog biscuits from the side of their balloon. All us dogs think this is a brilliant plan. They do have America's Best Frisbee dogs as entertainment, but I think dropping dog biscuits from the balloons would assure them of a larger audience of dogs.

I hope my readers are having a wonderful weekend, and let's hope that the leak in my water cooler is not some kind of national conspiracy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy Dog With New "Water Cooler")