New "Water Cooler"--Life is Good

I am happy to report that Mommy went and bought Angel Zoom Smokey and myself a new "water cooler", and this one is even bigger than the last one. This one holds 2 1/2 gallons of water. Now life can get back to normal and us dogs can solve world problems while hanging out at the water cooler again. I hope most large companies have more than one water cooler so that if a leak develops, they can still make major company decisions. BP definitely needed more than one because when their water cooler happened to spring a leak at the same time as their oil well in the Gulf, they were unable to make any corporate decisions because there was no water cooler around which the executives could discuss the problem. Now that the water cooler is back, there are several new ideas to fix the problem in the Gulf of Mexico. One of their highly inventive employees suggested adding truck loads of vinegar to create oil and vinegar salad dressing. I don't mean to be critical, but I think it is a different kind of oil that they use in the dressing. Dick Cheney called and suggested they send all the animals covered in oil to Guantanamo Bay because he says they are behind the leak. He says it was an elaborate plan to steal the oil. Why do you think he is in the hospital? He got shot by an angry pelican, but the government doesn't want the general public to know because it would cause panic. Pelicans do not take being accused of stealing lightly. When birds get guns, this dog gets upset because those evil birds have been stealing my snow and trying to take over the planet by causing global warming for years now. For those who have not read my theory, why do you think the birds show up and start singing just when the snow starts to melt? Coincidence? This dog is not buying it. So far, the best idea was mine to have cars drive up on the beach and fill up their cars with oil. As usual, the humans never listen to the wise advice of a dog. They like to keep trying their own silly ideas. By the way, if you think the pelicans are getting bad, be sure and avoid the swordfish--they are aching for a duel.

My town, Howell, Michigan, is having a Balloonfest this weekend. The hot air balloons are always fun to watch, but I have a suggestion for them to make it better. They should drop dog biscuits from the side of their balloon. All us dogs think this is a brilliant plan. They do have America's Best Frisbee dogs as entertainment, but I think dropping dog biscuits from the balloons would assure them of a larger audience of dogs.

I hope my readers are having a wonderful weekend, and let's hope that the leak in my water cooler is not some kind of national conspiracy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy Dog With New "Water Cooler")

Water Cooler Crisis, and Dumpster Diving

There is a crisis at my house. Okay, maybe crisis might be a bit of a overstatement, but my nice water cooler has sprung a leak, and Mommy has to go out and buy me a new one. The reason that it is a crisis is that, as all the humans know, the best gossip and news is passed around at the water cooler. It happens to be a well documented fact. Large companies will not make major announcements until the "rumor" has been "documented" at the water cooler. This is the real reason that BP didn't so anything in the Gulf for so long. Evidently, the word didn't get out at the water cooler. This is why I use the word crisis for the situation. Sure, some humans might say, big deal, there is a bit of water on the floor, clean it up, but what if the roof is falling in and no one knows because there is no workable water cooler to let everyone compare notes? I know some of you may ask, doesn't having a piece of plaster hit you on the head become a clue that there might be a problem? Sure, it is a hint, but a dog could just think someone is having a plaster fight. You know it is serious if the problem is confirmed at the water cooler. Believe me, when my human brothers were young, their dad showed them how to have White Castle fights. For those of you who don't know what White Castles are, they are little hamburgers that come in little boxes. The southern equivalent is Krystal. Anyway, when they brought the burgers home, my 3 brothers and my dad would throw the little boxes at each other. They had a surprisingly good time while Mommy wondered if all males have fun doing stupid things. By the way, the answer to that is yes, they do. How else do you explain hockey? The ice they play on is COOL, but the rest of the game seems pretty pointless to this dog.

Sometimes a dog has to comment on the human news. I saw an article today about Sarah Palin speaking at a university in California, and she was insulting some of the students who "dumpster dived" to get information about how much she was paid. First of all, this dog is insulted. I happen to enjoy going through the garbage, and so do many of my doggy pals. I take this as a personal insult to my integrity as a dog. It does make me realize that neither political party seems to understand much about money. I really don't care what they pay Palin to speak, but the university is a public university getting public funds, and they are strapped for money. Having her is supposed to be a fund raiser, but you only raise funds if the fund raiser costs less than the amount brought in. Those students are having to pay for the education so I would have dumpster dived to find out how much she was being paid too. If it is reasonable, why is she trying to hide it? Otherwise, I don't care how much people are paid. Movie stars--sports stars...no matter, if they bring in enough cash, they are worth what they are being paid. I might add that the university could have solved the whole problem by buying a shredder which costs less than $50.00. Maybe Palin should buy a truck load of them and donate it to each place she speaks so that no one would find anything in the garbage. I think Ms. Palin needs to relax and accept that if you are in the public eye, things like that will happen. Someone should explain to her that people do go through celebrity trash. In fact, I've seen some people going through regular trash rescuing items. If you ask this dog, Palin needs to be introduced to reality.

Demon Flash Bandit (Upset Over Water Cooler, and Defending Dumpster Diving)