A Note From Demon Flash Bandit's Mother

Robert Hegyes died yesterday of a heart attack. Hegyes played the character, Juan Epstein, on the 70's sitcom, Welcome Back Kotter. Epstein always had an excuse note for the teacher which was always signed, "Epstein's Mother". As a tribute to him, I am going to write a blog today which features an excuse letter from Demon Flash Bandit's mother.

Dear Teacher,
Please excuse Demon Flash Bandit for bringing a dead bird to class yesterday. He did not kill said bird, but the bird was dead when he found it. I think you missed a valuable opportunity to teach bird anatomy to your students, and I will be talking to the head of the school district about your obvious lack of qualifications to teach in our school district. You should have been happy to have such a valuable teaching object brought in by one of your more diligent students. The bite marks on the bird's neck were not made by Demon Flash Bandit--they were a mere coincidence.
Signed:

Demon Flash Bandit's Mother

A Note to Students: It is always a good idea to have several excuse letters on paw for emergencies. You never know when you might need an excuse note for your teacher!
Thanks Robert Hegyes for all the laughs you brought us during your career!

Demon Flash Bandit (Blog Written by Demon Flash Bandit--Not Demon Flash Bandit's Mother)

Eight is Too Many and a Dozen is Only for Doughnuts

There were some problems on a recent flight to Los Angeles, California. It turns out that Nadya Suleman (aka Octomom) and Kristen Johnston (actress from Third Rock from the Sun) were on board the same airplane. Suleman had her 12 kids including 8 2 year olds in business class and Johnston was in first class. As anyone who has ever been around a 2 year old would know, they can be very noisy at times, and having that multiplied by 8 can get on adult's nerves very quickly. It can even get on a dog's nerves, and most dogs like children. Johnston asked her to quiet the children and Suleman asked her to help. Eventually, Johnston got off the airplane and did not return. It seems that the airlines are thinking of banning babies from first class, and although it seems a bit mean, I bet incidents like this do not help the babies cause. In addition, Suleman had to insult Johnston. Her big excuse: "I didn't know she was a celebrity." Does it really matter whether she was a celebrity? Suleman has done nothing to make her a celebrity except to have too many children at once. Any idiot can do that. I am very sympathetic to dealing with children. My own human Mommy had 3 sons who are grown now, but too many parents do not want to watch their own children, and some of them can really cause a lot of problems for those around them. Normally, I do not care how many children a person chooses to have, but obviously, 8 children at a time is too many for anyone to deal with which is why Mother Nature does not allow that many children. However, when the human fertility doctors think they know better than Mother Nature, then there are problems. Sure some doggy moms have had more than 8 puppies at once so the humans think they can do it too. They are not dogs and do not have a dog's amazing ability to raise their puppies. There is no way that Nadya Suleman can ever raise her babies properly because she is a human and not a dog. The humans have enough trouble bringing up one baby at a time. Can a dog help it if we are better at most everything than the humans?

Demon Flash Bandit (Eight is too Many)












Demon Flash Bandit (Eight is Too Many)