A Note From Demon Flash Bandit's Mother

Robert Hegyes died yesterday of a heart attack. Hegyes played the character, Juan Epstein, on the 70's sitcom, Welcome Back Kotter. Epstein always had an excuse note for the teacher which was always signed, "Epstein's Mother". As a tribute to him, I am going to write a blog today which features an excuse letter from Demon Flash Bandit's mother.

Dear Teacher,
Please excuse Demon Flash Bandit for bringing a dead bird to class yesterday. He did not kill said bird, but the bird was dead when he found it. I think you missed a valuable opportunity to teach bird anatomy to your students, and I will be talking to the head of the school district about your obvious lack of qualifications to teach in our school district. You should have been happy to have such a valuable teaching object brought in by one of your more diligent students. The bite marks on the bird's neck were not made by Demon Flash Bandit--they were a mere coincidence.
Signed:

Demon Flash Bandit's Mother

A Note to Students: It is always a good idea to have several excuse letters on paw for emergencies. You never know when you might need an excuse note for your teacher!
Thanks Robert Hegyes for all the laughs you brought us during your career!

Demon Flash Bandit (Blog Written by Demon Flash Bandit--Not Demon Flash Bandit's Mother)

Turkey: Delicious Dead Bird

Last night my humans kept telling me I was being a bad dog, but I maintain that they were being stupid humans. I suppose the most logical place to start this blog is at the beginning. I like to take naps during the day, and I usually hold no interest in the food the humans are eating for dinner. Why should I bother to wake up when I know that I will have my own food catered for me later when I am hungry? Yesterday was not a normal day. My humans had roasted turkey breast. I had no idea that they were having such a rare delicacy nor did they know I would want any since I tend to turn down food I haven't tried in the past. My motto is "why take risks with my taste buds?". As usual, Angel Zoom Smokey was right there with the humans getting her share and enjoying it. When I woke up, she came up and breathed on me, and I could smell the turkey on her breath. Yes, dead bird on her breath and none for me. What were my humans thinking? They tried feeding me Burger King. I didn't eat. They tried feeding me chicken and I refused to eat. They would have just assumed that I wasn't hungry except that I did my usual "hungry dog" behavior. I started climbing on furniture, and scratching the wooden foot of Mommy's bed. This gets the humans' attention. It took them several hours, but they finally realized that I wanted turkey. Once I got turkey and my tummy was full, I went back to the sweet, good dog that is my usual disposition. Angel Zoom Smokey could no longer taunt me with the delicious smell of turkey on her breath, and I have put in a vote for turkey when Thanksgiving rolls around. Mommy says pizza is the traditional Thanksgiving menu, but I think we should throw caution to the wind and eat turkey. It is delicious!

Demon Flash Bandit (Add Turkey to My List of Favorite Foods)