Bird Hit Dog--Perfect Job for Demon Flash Bandit

Imagine my interest when I saw that an airport in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, is willing to pay a lot of money for someone who can get rid of birds around the airport. Birds cause a lot of problems for airplanes so they think it is worth paying a "bird killer". As a Siberian Husky, I think Florida is a bit too hot, and they never have any snow, but I could keep the air conditioner going for such a perfect job for me. I like to think of myself as a "bird hit dog". I don't like birds, and I don't trust birds, and I think I could make sure the airport was bird free. I'd like to make the whole planet bird free so it is a job that I would be proud to do. It would also solve that problem of whenever I ask for something cool I see on the Internet that a dog would love to have, my human tells me that I have no money. Recently I wrote a blog about an animated zombie dog that was only $5,700. and I was planning to buy it and use it on Halloween to scare the trick or treaters away from my house. Every year those little deadbeats come by wanting a dog's candy. The humans, being stupid humans, give the children candy that could be eaten by the family dog if the humans had any sense at all. This is why it is great that I can get a job doing what I do best, and get enough money so that a dog can buy whatever he chooses to buy. Asking the humans for money isn't right--dogs should have their own stash of cash. To show that I am not just making this up, here is the link:
http://now.msn.com/you-can-make-dollar76000-a-year-scaring-birds-in-sunny-florida

In the future, I expect that my blogs will be coming to you from Florida.

Demon Flash Bandit (Bird Hit Dog)

Zombie Dog to Scare Trick or Treaters

Zombies are dead humans who come back to life to eat other humans' brains. This must be highly frustrating for the zombies because the humans have such small, uninteresting brains. This might explain why the zombies never seem to get any smarter no matter how many brains they eat. Dogs do not become zombies because, once a dog has crossed over the bridge, we are not going to hang around Earth to eat brains. We dogs would prefer to hang out in paradise, and enjoy playing and napping until our humans and pals arrive when we can see them again. Only the humans would be dumb enough to hang around Earth and act stupid like zombies. However, you can order a zombie dog as a Halloween decoration which is super cool, and for only $5,700, I can only imagine how many people are going to buy this animated dog to scare the trick or treaters. Since those trick or treaters want free candy that a dog could be eating, I say anything that scares the little deadbeats away is well worth the cost. I am not a fan of human puppies coming to the door and eating all of a dog's candy. For those of you who say it is not the dog's candy, I say, if the dog can get it, then it is the dog's candy! This zombie dog is a very cool item, and I'm sure everyone will want one. Here is the link so that my readers can buy this super cool zombie item:
http://www.thehorrordome.com/zombie-guard-dog-haunted-house-amimatronic.aspx

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About Zombie Dogs)

Trick or Treat--Not Just For Dogs!!!!

Since tomorrow is Halloweeen, I am going to write about how exciting the anticipation of trick or treating is to the average dog. I myself have been preparing a super large treat bag because, like most dogs, I love treats! Human candy is delicious. I can't tell you how much I love to have candy like Mike and Ikes or Swedish fish. (It is even fun hearing the fish scream in Swedish before I bite them--it could only be improved by making them Swedish birds!) As you can imagine, dogs everywhere are getting all the little last minute things done--you know....like barking trick or treat and barking thank you so that the person giving the candy will know that you are a polite, well bred dog. Dogs like to practice things like that since normally we don't have to bark out specific phrases. I plan to go as a sled dog, and you should see my costume--it is very realistic. Amid all this fun, I was checking out the Internet today, and I discovered that some of the humans don't think dogs should get trick or treat candy at Halloween. I don't know why some humans are so stupid, but before any of my human readers get any ideas about agreeing with the stupid humans, here is a video I discovered. This video is hilarious and shows how dogs can get revenge on the humans who have such stupid ideas. I think you'll agree that it is best to give trick or treat candy to the dogs in the neighborhood after seeing what the dogs did to get revenge! Here is the address:
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/dogs-play-trick-or-treat-on-halloween-fun-video.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants to Trick or Treat)

I'll Be a Lead Dog!

Things are going well for the Deemster! The fortune in my fortune cookies have been good (as were the fortune cookies themselves--I love those little cookies). I just read my horoscope, and it says that an idea I set in motion in the past will happen. I have had many wonderful ideas, but I have to assume that my ideas about saving my candy from the mooching human puppies who want to take my Halloween candy will catch on. It is Friday, and the weekend approaches which means very little to me since my weekends are very much like my weekdays, but some of the humans "live for the weekend". I think this shows how stupid the humans happen to be. They work all week, many of them at jobs they hate, and live for the weekend when they are off. If you ask me, they should just find jobs they like--if that is even possible. The very word, work, does not tend to give the image of anything fun happening there.

I have a major announcement that my readers are going to learn here first. Doesn't that make you feel privileged? I have decided to mush in the big Alaskan sled race, Iditarod. I will be the lead dog of my sled, and the next race will be a memorable one. Instead of mushing all that way through the wilderness, I will talk the other lead dogs into mushing to the local Burger King. I think it would make the race more enjoyable for the dogs, and it would definitely make Iditarod history. By the way, I hope each musher has enough money to pay Burger King for the food. I know I don't want to use my money to pay for food, and I'm sure the other dogs feel as strongly about this point as I do. Be sure and watch the race, and cheer for me and the other lead dogs as we go through the drive thru lane of Burger King....in fact, I think we should be invited inside to eat. There will be a lot of us, and we do enjoy elegance too. It isn't just something for the humans.

Demon Flash Bandit (Iditarod to Burger King)

Trick or Treat: I Would Love a Job

I have been contemplating ways to keep my candy safe from those thieving little human puppies who come by yelling trick or treat on Halloween. When Mommy was cleaning out my brother's closet, I had the brilliant plan to give the kids used clothing, books, etc. instead of candy so the little deadbeats could sell the stuff on Ebay and make their own money. Mommy gave the stuff away so that is no longer a viable option. However, a dog who possesses my genius, will always be able to come up with another idea. I think the new idea is even more intelligent than the first idea.

I have been going by places and asking for job applications and each little deadbeat is going to get his or her own job application. The candy will taste sweeter if they have had to work for it, and Demon Flash Bandit gets to keep the stash in the house. I know there are a few of you who might be saying, "Demon Flash Bandit if your humans don't mind giving out the candy, why are you so against it?". That is a stupid question that isn't even worthy of my time, but I will answer it anyway. My humans are stupid, and the candy is mine, mine, MINE. Do you know how hard it is for a dog to get candy from the humans. Sometimes Mommy doesn't even have my favorite candy on the shopping list. Those human puppies are not contributing to society. Many of them are still expecting their parents to watch out for them even though they are 2 or 3 years old. Excuse me......I could take care of myself after a couple of months. Angel Zoom Smokey is 3, and if she wants some food, she can climb up and get it for herself. The humans start out whining and being taken care of and look what happens when they grow up--they grow up complaining and whining. I say that you have to stop this behavior early by bringing them up right.

I'm sure the children will be very happy to find where they get the chance to work....I've got applications for McDonalds, Wendys, Taco Bell, and Walmart. They can stock the lower shelves at Walmart which is just right for them. I will not be handing out applications for Burger King because that is where I get my dinner, and this dog doesn't want some incompetent 4 year old messing up my order.

I have to tell you that this new concept has me looking forward to Halloweeen. By the way, I have cleverly filled in the age for the children in advance...stupid child labor laws....

Demon Flash Bandit (Job Applications--Not Hand Outs)

Good Fortune and Good Decorating--All in One Blog

I have some exciting news to share with my readers. Mommy and Jeff ate at the Chinese restaurant yesterday, and as usual, they brought home their fortune cookies to Angel Zoom Smokey and myself. We LOVE fortune cookies, and in the past the fortunes have been amazingly accurate. My fortune yesterday was: "Something on four wheels will soon be a fun investment for you". I was so excited when I read that---I am getting a car!!!!! I have wanted to drive since I was a puppy, but I never expected to get my own car!!!!! I just thought I would have to drive the humans' car. Now, thanks to the fortune, I know I will be getting my OWN car. I'm so excited I can hardly wait until this prediction comes true. Imagine me, Demon Flash Bandit, cruising down the road in my new car. I hope it is a convertible. I loved riding in Daddy's convertible. I didn't even have to stick my head out the window to feel the wind in my fur. To show what a great dog I am, I'll even let Angel Zoom Smokey ride in the passenger seat.

On the home front, I have decided to put myself in charge of holiday decorating for Howloween. I plan to go and catch some decorations. I plan to decorate with the usual things--dead birds (my favorite), dead rats, dead possums, etc. because I plan to have a dead varmint motif. The best thing about the decorating scheme is that Angel Zoom Smokey and myself will have lots of bones to munch on after the holiday. I have to admit that I am hoping the dead varmint motif will scare the little trick or treaters into avoiding the house and then all the candy will be mine, mine, mine, MINE!!!!! My humans are idiots. I say the human puppies are stealing the candy, but my humans are accessories. They stand there like idiots just giving it to the children and the children don't even have guns or anything to make my humans give the candy to them. If a child got candy from Angel Zoom Smokey or myself, they had better have a gun on them and be ready to use it. We don't give up candy easily.

Demon Flash Bandit (Howloween Decorating Coordinator)