Work--I Don't Like It!

My brother went to work today despite my sad puppy dogs looks which are supposed to melt the heart of any human and make said human do what his dog wants him to do. I will never understand the humans and their obsession with work. However, I have noticed that Mommy gives the drive thru humans money and I get burgers so I guess that is why they show up at work even though it isn't fun. I am glad I don't have to work. In fact, I am glad that we dogs don't have to work. I have decided that if I ever need money, instead of getting a job, I am going to post my photo on a website and let the humans send me money for being cute. Being cute may be hard work, but I'm willing to make the sacrifice if it means not having to get a job. I think the humans should use their brains to think of ways of making money without going to work. It would make their lives a lot easier and more fun!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Feels Human Should Stay Home With Me)

Dogs Need Privacy Too!!!

I saw an item in the news about a woman in Denver, Colorado who used an iPhone application to watch her dog in her absence, and ended up catching footage of a thief who broke into her house. I hope this will help the police apprehend the criminal, but this dog is a bit worried about the implications of a phone application that can watch a dog from afar. Sure, I know the humans love to photograph me because I happen to be a handsome dog, but do I really want them seeing everything I do? I happen to be a good dog, but what about my right to privacy? I think the humans are going a bit too far with that phone application. I bet the humans would be annoyed if their dogs put an application on the iDogPhone that watched the humans' every move. I can't say I blame them for that. They want privacy, but seem to forget that dogs want our privacy too. What about the dogs who aren't good like me and who get into things? Those dogs will no longer be able to say that they had nothing to do with the missing food--it was a thief who broke in to steal snacks. Dogs deserve privacy too. I think phones that can watch a dog when the humans are gone are bad, and I think that application should be illegal. If my humans ever try that, I will hire doggy lawyers to sue them. I hope other dogs will act accordingly.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sticking Up For A Dog's Constitutional Rights)

Trick or Treat: I Would Love a Job

I have been contemplating ways to keep my candy safe from those thieving little human puppies who come by yelling trick or treat on Halloween. When Mommy was cleaning out my brother's closet, I had the brilliant plan to give the kids used clothing, books, etc. instead of candy so the little deadbeats could sell the stuff on Ebay and make their own money. Mommy gave the stuff away so that is no longer a viable option. However, a dog who possesses my genius, will always be able to come up with another idea. I think the new idea is even more intelligent than the first idea.

I have been going by places and asking for job applications and each little deadbeat is going to get his or her own job application. The candy will taste sweeter if they have had to work for it, and Demon Flash Bandit gets to keep the stash in the house. I know there are a few of you who might be saying, "Demon Flash Bandit if your humans don't mind giving out the candy, why are you so against it?". That is a stupid question that isn't even worthy of my time, but I will answer it anyway. My humans are stupid, and the candy is mine, mine, MINE. Do you know how hard it is for a dog to get candy from the humans. Sometimes Mommy doesn't even have my favorite candy on the shopping list. Those human puppies are not contributing to society. Many of them are still expecting their parents to watch out for them even though they are 2 or 3 years old. Excuse me......I could take care of myself after a couple of months. Angel Zoom Smokey is 3, and if she wants some food, she can climb up and get it for herself. The humans start out whining and being taken care of and look what happens when they grow up--they grow up complaining and whining. I say that you have to stop this behavior early by bringing them up right.

I'm sure the children will be very happy to find where they get the chance to work....I've got applications for McDonalds, Wendys, Taco Bell, and Walmart. They can stock the lower shelves at Walmart which is just right for them. I will not be handing out applications for Burger King because that is where I get my dinner, and this dog doesn't want some incompetent 4 year old messing up my order.

I have to tell you that this new concept has me looking forward to Halloweeen. By the way, I have cleverly filled in the age for the children in advance...stupid child labor laws....

Demon Flash Bandit (Job Applications--Not Hand Outs)