Work--I Don't Like It!

My brother went to work today despite my sad puppy dogs looks which are supposed to melt the heart of any human and make said human do what his dog wants him to do. I will never understand the humans and their obsession with work. However, I have noticed that Mommy gives the drive thru humans money and I get burgers so I guess that is why they show up at work even though it isn't fun. I am glad I don't have to work. In fact, I am glad that we dogs don't have to work. I have decided that if I ever need money, instead of getting a job, I am going to post my photo on a website and let the humans send me money for being cute. Being cute may be hard work, but I'm willing to make the sacrifice if it means not having to get a job. I think the humans should use their brains to think of ways of making money without going to work. It would make their lives a lot easier and more fun!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Feels Human Should Stay Home With Me)

Read Zombie Economics--Avoid Filing Boneruptcy

I have decided to inform my readers about a new book that is available for public consumption which has the potential to change your economic life. That book is called Zombie Economics and it was written by John Quiggen. Amazon.com has this book for $16.47 at the present time, and it is money well spent. The book discusses how, very much like zombies from the movies, there are financial zombies who threaten your financial well being. I have to tell you that this book has really made a difference in my life. I'm sure I'm not the only dog who has noticed that there is always one dog in the pack who won't share their milkbones. When you have a milkbone, they will ask you to share and are always bugging those of us who work hard for our bones to give them our hard earned treats. For many of us dogs, we really don't have to work that hard, but we do have to hang around the humans and look cute. Sometimes we even have to sit or beg for our treats so those doggy moochers think they can just walk up without doing any tricks or hanging out keeping the humans company and get a treat from a dog who was willing to give the extra paw to the humans. Before you realize it, those doggy bums have eaten all your treats and you have nothing to eat. In fact, there have been terrible stories of dogs who have had to file for boneruptcy because other dogs have had them copaw for milkbone loans and generally have used up all the dogs bones. Don't let this happen to you. Get the book and read it. You'll be glad you did, and you don't have to thank me. I enjoy watching out for my readers!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Economic Zombie Dogs)

Human Fashion Approved by Demon Flash Bandit

Today I have decided to discuss fashion. Of course, this is not dog fashion because, if there is one thing I hate it is having the humans decided to dress me in some ridiculous outfit that they think looks "cute" on me. Of course it looks cute on me, but I am just as cute without it so why bother? The humans spend a great deal of time and money picking out just the right item to wear, and I think I can solve this problem because I have decided to go into the fashion industry myself. I have come up with a plan to make things much easier for the humans in the fashion arena. I have seen some lovely t-shirts with dogs on them. My humans have several Siberian husky shirts, and I think they look bettter than anything else in their closet. It does not have to be a husky, it can be a poodle, or even a chihuahua, but as long as it is a dog, it looks great.

Since humans aren't logical thinkers like us dogs, you have to explain things to them like you would bark to a puppy. I will start with business suits. If they were replaced by dog t-shirts, that person would seem a lot more honest, and other humans would feel better about doing business with them so why are the humans wearing suits when a dog t-shirt would be much better for business? If you meet another human on the street that you don't know, seeing them in a dog t-shirt would make them seem a lot friendlier and more approachable which means that the humans would get along better. T-shirts are comfortable to wear and would help keep the humans cool in warmer weather. As you can see, my idea would bring peace and prosperity to the world, align the planets, and stop global warming. To make sure that the humans get the best looking t-shirts, I am even thinking about putting my face on a t-shirt. What could be better than a Demon Flash Bandit shirt? I can't think of anything better.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Ideas)

Mathematical Formula to Achieve Milkbones

I was watching The Big Bang Theory last night, and I realized that I have been a theoretical physicist since I was a puppy. Even as a young pup, I realized that there are 2 major groups of dogs. One group that has milkbones and one group that does not. I worked out a mathematical formula that takes many variables into consideration--how cute is the dog, how well does he or she beg, can the dog be trusted not to eat the entire box in one sitting, etc. It is very simple and even the humans can understand it: x=cuteness, y=begging ability, z=trust, m-milkbones.
x(y)+x(z)=m
This is one of the simpler theories. You will notice that cuteness is more important than anything else because the humans control the purchase of milkbones, and they respond to cuteness more so than the other abilities.

I happen to be so cute that I usually don't even have to beg. In fact, I often help myself to the box when the humans bring it home. They can trust me because I have been known to carry a box around for a day or two unopened. I like to have it with me just in case I'm in the mood for a milkbone. Sometimes I like to use the box as a pillow. Now that I have written a blog showing my advanced math and science skills, I am sure that my genius will make the humans buy me even more milkbones. Therefore, my theory is that a dog has to do anything it takes to get some milkbones, and whatever impresses your human, do it. Milkbones are worth the trouble!

Demon Flash Bandit (Theoretical Physicist and Dog With Milkbones)